Episode 5 Dickensian

BELL CHIMES

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

BELL CHIMES

BELL CHIMES

MUSIC: Auld Lang Syne by Robert Burns

Happy New Year.

# Should auld acquaintance be forgot

# For the sake of... #

Oh, easy, steady there, sir.

Steady. Hey.

# My dear

# For auld lang syne

# We'll take a cup of kindness yet... #

Cheers!

Cheers, everyone!

Cheers!

DISTANT LAUGHTER

I said you were not to go.

-I said clearly.

-I know what you said.

Ah, she loves you, Havisham.

She believed you when you said your argument was over.

Her step was lighter when she walked away.

She adores you.

I want to go to sleep. I don't feel well.

Are you wavering?

Losing your nerve?

No.

Why did your father not leave it all to you?

I don't know.

Did you quarrel with him?

No.

Why were you crying?

-HIS VOICE SHAKES

-I wasn't.

Why did your father stop loving you, Arthur?

Why?

HE GASPS

HE CHUCKLES

What are your sister's plans for tomorrow?

HE SOBS

The fair - the New Year's Day Fair.

She always goes with a friend.

Tell me about the friend.

I want to know everything about the friend.

You did not bring Marley's ledger to me as requested.

Sir, I didn't know you meant immediately.

Well, you should have said. I would have dropped everything and rushed.

Nor did you tell me that Marley had decided to leave your partnership.

I didn't see it was relevant.

I decide what is relevant.

Why did he want to leave?

He didn't see fit to enlighten me as to the why.

It would be costly - division of assets, lawyers.

Indeed.

It would suit you for Marley to be dead.

It would suit a lot of people for Marley to be dead.

Following my dispute with him,

I took my supper at The Three Cripples,

then attended the Christmas Service at Mudfog Workhouse,

where I am a governor.

There are witnesses to my presence in both places.

I am sure you have verified them.

It makes no odds where you were.

You're a rich man, you can pay others to be...

FLOORBOARD CREAKS

Just a warped board, Inspector.

-HIS BACK SNAPS

-Oh!

HE GROANS

HE SIGHS

When can I have that ledger back?

When I've examined every last page of it.

Do put a pan of hot coals on that back of yours, Inspector, won't you?

Goodnight.

God rot you, Jacob.

God rot your vicious soul.

Well, your shareholders know how to enjoy themselves.

-AMELIA GIGGLES

-Did Arthur come?

Yes, and we're friends again.

Was he drinking?

Everyone was drinking - it was a party.

Honoria, I know how rude he has been to you

but he seemed much humbled. So when you see him, please be kind.

I'm only agreeing because I love you.

Now, hurry up and dress or we'll miss everything!

And will Captain Hawdon be joining us at the fair?

-Of course.

-SHE GIGGLES

That's it. Left, left, right.

There you are. Ha!

Fancy your chances?

He's undefeated.

Is he?

Now, where are you?

There you go, nice boy.

-Here, look at that. Want one of them?

-Wouldn't mind.

Here you are, sir.

Good lad.

For Mr Venus, at his earliest opportunity.

Bucket has dire need of him.

And there, another one.

Oh...

All right, John?

There you go. Look after it, won't you?

Will do.

How'd she look this morning? Martha, she all right?

I can't tell you how the bride looks, can I? It's bad luck!

-Right.

-Pin that in tight to your jacket, now. Don't you go losing it.

Don't you go losing that ring, neither.

SHE SIGHS

"To my beloved son Arthur, from his father, on his birthday."

Oh, how fickle and changeable is love, Bill?

Just give me my chinks.

They're worth twice that.

But the owner can be identified.

I can't move these on.

I must hold them or the heat of the law will be upon us.

Well, the law wouldn't be looking at us at all

if you hadn't have sent her round to Marley.

Nancy must work. How else will she eat

or have a roof over her head?

She must work.

She'd be under my roof.

You're a rich man now, Bill?

No.

When you are a rich man, then we will discuss terms, hmm?

What terms?

She goes where she pleases.

None of us do that, Bill.

May God smile on you, Christian lady.

Hurry up, we need to get the church ready for the wedding.

THE CHILDREN CHATTER

A wedding,

and then they'll be at it, breeding their parasitical spawn.

Remember our nuptials, Madam.

A romantic day, was it not?

Honeyed kisses, breathless promises...

I remember those promises, Bumble.

You said you would raise us above this filth, and you have not, sir.

We are mired in this slurry and you wallow like a happy pig!

Madam, I do my very best

-for my sweetest pudding...

-It's not good enough, Bumble.

Raise us up, sir.

You go about it this very day, sir, or it'll be the worst for you.

BIRD CHIRPS

How much for this one?

Queen's Cavalry stock pin. Half a crown, sir.

A shilling.

That's not the price, sir.

DOOR CREAKS, HE CHUCKLES

Plenty of mirrors, sir, if you want to see how it looks.

Who makes these?

I do, Madam.

-IN SQUEAKY VOICE:

-Ooh, doo-doo-doo-doo!

-Ooh, what do you want, you naughty boy?

-I want a kiss.

Want a kiss again?

Oh, doo-doo-doo...

Hawdon? James Hawdon?

If a spine is a rope, yours is a bad hangman's knot, Inspector.

HE CLAPS HIS BACK Onto the table with you.

What's cooking in that pot, Mr Venus?

-POT BUBBLES

-It smells infernal.

A tiger's head -

the one that mauled its keeper up at the zoo.

I shall restore its majesty.

Ugh!

Don't hold your breath, sir.

You get a feeling for your beasts,

Mr Venus?

I do, Inspector.

The bird's flight, the hare's dash,

the leap of the salmon before the trap,

the poison, the gun, the gaff.

I get a feeling for their freedom afore it's robbed.

And breathe.

Ugh! Mmm!

Animals don't lie, I suppose.

Oh, they do.

Consider the jaguar -

how it crouches in the tree,

like a blameless shadow among the branches,

but he is death and he is remorseless.

Or they lie to avoid detection,

pretend they are powerful

when they are weak as an un-shelled chick.

You know what doesn't lie?

Money,

and I have the books.

I have them and I will follow the money to Marley's killer.

He is hiding in those pages,

but I am the trap, the poison,

the gun and the gaff.

I am Bucket of the Detective

and I will have my man!

-Breathe out!

-Ah!

Ha.

-BELL RINGS

-Ah!

-Come on, now, gents -

all you sportsmen and pugilists.

Who's going to be the one to knock the champion to the canvas?

Who's going to try their luck?

PUPPET SQUEAKS AND CHILDREN LAUGH

Hawdon? Captain Hawdon!

Damn good to see you again.

Again?

Oh, Compeyson, Meriwether.

Captain as was, Queen's Cavalry.

Knightsbridge barracks, a regimental dinner - we were really rather drunk.

That would explain my forgetfulness.

Compeyson, of course, do forgive me.

Oh, not at all.

It was something of a wild evening.

-I'll have rather too many of those.

-Ha!

CHEERING AND BELL RINGS

DOOR SLAMS

Honoria?

-What?

-Yes, I know.

Never!

Whoo-hoo-hoo, ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Feeling better, sir?

-Mr Venus is a magician.

Here, fetch me a cup of coffee!

There's a good lad.

Sir Leicester, my father, Edward Barbary.

Papa, Sir Leicester Dedlock, my neighbour when I was away from home.

And what grace and virtue your daughter brought to our county, sir,

when she was with us.

-You do me too much kindness, Sir Leicester.

-Sir?

Erm, please forgive me.

A small matter requires my attention.

Of course.

I brought these.

They may be wrong.

You're under no obligation to eat them.

SHE CHUCKLES

Macaroons! My favourite. Thank you.

As if spring was arrived.

Who makes these?

I do, Sir Leicester.

I see I must now add "artist" to your list of attributes, Miss Barbary.

BELL RINGS

Who's next, then? Come on now, lads!

-What about you, sir?

-You've left the Cavalry?

Yeah, a death in the family.

I was needed to take charge of affairs.

-I'm sorry.

-Oh...

Tell me, the Miss Barbary you could not stop talking about...

Ah, well, here she is now.

Is she Mrs Hawdon now?

Not yet, and that's my fault, I missed a chance at promotion.

She doesn't know.

Are you married, Compeyson?

A bachelor.

Well, Miss Barbary has a friend that you might enjoy meeting.

Always enjoy meeting a lady.

DOG BARKS

Oh...

This is Meriwether Compeyson.

Miss Havisham and I are acquainted.

Then this is a chance to get to know each other better.

Well, I know Mr Compeyson considers women only good for parties,

and that's all I wish to know.

Good day to you, sir.

BELL RINGS

CHEERING

I will go.

Hawdon, what a great pleasure. We must dine - on me.

Miss Barbary, another time.

Amelia!

That is a friend of mine.

Then you have a poor choice of friends, Captain Hawdon.

DOG BARKS

BILL SIKES: Talk terms?

You don't owe Fagin nothing.

Poor lad. Oh, his head'll be ringing.

I've got ambitions, Nancy.

The best cracksman in London.

Notorious.

Just leave.

It'll be me and you together.

-I owe Fagin my life.

-Come on!

I'd be dead without him.

Who's next, then?

Who's man enough to go toe-to-toe with the undefeated champion,

Bruiser Jones?

I will.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Come on up, then, sir.

Why could you not deal with Jaggers?

I prefer to be direct.

I'm a gentleman.

I prefer discretion.

And that is why I lowered the blinds.

On a short-term loan so you can release your stock from overseas...

£1,000 worth of silk,

so what I request is insignificant.

No, no, it's still significant.

Damn you, sir!

£70 is all I require.

You should be grateful I would deign to bring my business to your door.

Oh, I consider myself much advanced simply by being in your presence.

Are you going to lend me this money or not?

I am.

Your house can stand as collateral.

Agreed.

I can't think what is keeping Papa.

Perhaps it's best that we're alone.

I wouldn't want others to hear this discourse,

which I'm compelled to have,

though I fear it breaches all etiquette.

But I think we have an understanding, do we not?

I believe so, Sir Leicester.

I've always been a solitary man,

dismissive of love.

But that has changed.

So suddenly, in the blink of an eye,

a chance meeting has changed everything.

Oh, Sir Leicester.

Though I'm not a young man, I'm a good one.

Oh, yes, you are the very best of men!

I do not want to be lonely any more.

Nor I.

But...

Miss Honoria must have so many suitors vying for her hand.

Miss Barbary?

No, she doesn't, Sir Leicester.

Where was your meeting?

Mantalini's. I accompanied my nieces.

The moment your sister appeared I was entranced,

spellbound.

My heart races now just recalling that moment.

I wonder if you might help...

..arrange an introduction between myself and Miss Honoria?

I will do everything I can for you, Sir Leicester.

You are a true friend.

BELL RINGS, CROWD CHEER

Yes, Bill! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Mwah!

-Where's Jip?

-He was here a moment ago.

Well, he's probably begging for sausages somewhere,

-you know what he's like.

-No, he never leaves me. Jip!

Sweetheart?

-Jip?

-Jip? Jip!

-Jip.

-Jip, darling!

Jip?

Jip, where are you?

-Jip!

-Jip!

Jip!

JIP WHIMPERS

Jip. Oh, no.

FABRIC RIPS

HE GROANS

Stop! There's a dog!

-HORSES NEIGH

-Jip!

-Whoa. Whoa.

-Oh!

Are you all right?

Do you need help? Poor thing.

Sir?

Sir.

-Oh.

-Are you all right?

JIP WHINES

Oh...

I was rude to you.

I am always rude when I am out of my depth...

..and I am out of my depth.

I could drown in you, Amelia.

Hawdon, I trust you will care for the ladies in their shock.

Miss Barbary. Miss Havisham.

Now, that is a true Cavalryman.

Who has a poor choice of friends now?

You will tell her you have a fever and must keep to your bed.

You will not see her until I say,

and then you will do exactly as I tell you.

You are giving me orders.

You do not dictate to me!

Why did your father stop loving you, Arthur?

Did he find out something about you?

I want a hot bath.

See to it.

DOOR CLOSES

-DOORS CLANK OPEN

-And good riddance!

Ah, the blushing groom.

Bob's waiting on you.

HE SNORES

FIRE SIZZLES

You're not drinking your ale, John,

which you said you wanted,

but I'm sat here looking at the top of your head.

BUMBLE SNEEZES

HE CRIES OUT IN PAIN

HE GROANS

I will be the very best husband to Martha that I can be,

and the very best son-in-law to you and Mrs Cratchit,

and the very best brother to all the little 'uns,

and when the time comes, the very best father too.

I cross my heart to it.

That's...

That's what I wanted to say.

Well, that's a declaration and a half, John.

Thank you.

I'm going to put my smart jacket on now.

Good man.

Welcome to the family and I'll see you at the church.

-Was my lady wife here?

-HE PANTS

Sergeant, assemble the constables.

Yes, sir.

I have you!

BELLS CHIME

Ring?

-How many times?

-I just want to be sure.

Dad?

Oh, Martha, you look beautiful.

Darling, what's the matter?

-SHE SOBS

-Just one day, just for one day

I'd like to have pretty hands.

They're all rough and horrible

and scuffed and raw and not pretty,

and just for one day I'd like to have pretty hands,

and they're not.

Do you know what I see?

I see your mother's hands,

cos just like her, you hold up the sky for us lesser mortals

so it don't fall on our heads.

You can't hold up the sky without

getting a few bumps and scrapes, now, can you?

SHE SOBS

You are a daily blessing, sweetheart,

and there has not been a moment since you were born that

I ain't walked on air,

because my daughter is Martha Cratchit.

Martha Bagnet.

-Not if we don't get to that church.

-SHE LAUGHS

Are you ready, then?

Yes, Dad, I'm ready.

Bob Cratchit...

I'm arresting you for the murder of Jacob Marley.