7: The Clockwork Men: The Girl in the Fireplace Doctor Who: Greatest Monsters & Villains

Hello, and welcome to the final instalment of the night in our

search to find Doctor Who's greatest monsters and villains, as voted for

by you, the fans. So far tonight we have seen the Judoon in at ten, the

Silurians at nine, and we have just seen the Ood at number eight. So who

completes tonight's little round-up? Well, here's a little clue for you.

Clues, what kind of clues? Well, I'm glad you asked, Rory. If I told you

that in the 51st century, there would be spaceships manned by

mechanical service droids that dressed as 18th century guests at a

masquerade ball, you'd say, oi, mate, this must be some kind of

wind-up. And you'd be right, Cockney man. Sort of.

Yes, it is of course the Clockwork Droids. These creepy, mechanical

doll-like baddies started out in life as service droids for a big old

spaceship and its crew, their sole purpose being to maintain their

ship. But after the ship became damaged and the required parts to

fix it were non-forthcoming, the droids began to harvest relevant

body parts from the crew, like a macabre episode of Scrapheap

Challenge. It's at some point during this

cannibalisation of the crew that that the Clockwork Droids take up

stalking a young Madame De Pompadour in order to get their hands on her

brain. Her brain? Really? Her ears. I was talking about her ears. Oh,

well, Madame De Pompadour is just one of a long line of historical

figures to appear in Doctor Who, including the likes of Winston

Churchill, Van Gogh, and Caecilius. Hmm, looks familiar. Incidentally,

in real life, good old Pompadour died from TB. That will teach her to

keep badgers as pets. But I digress. The Clockwork Droids have opened a

number of time windows that link directly to the bedroom of Madame De

Pompadour, which they use to spy on her life in 18th century France.

How long have you been standing there? Personally I prefer to spy on

people from outside the bedroom. You know, like in a bush. That is just

me. So coming up in this clockwork droid-tastic adventure, we get to

see the magnificent Palace of Versailles, fire extinguishers of

the future, and the Doctor smashing Madame De Pompadour's 18th century

mirrors in with a horse. No, that's not a euphemism.

This is, of course, The Girl In The Fireplace. I once woke up in a

fireplace. Boy, did I sleep like a log that night. Come on, good joke,

guys. We can't stop them.

The clock is broken. He has watched over me my whole life

and he will not desert me tonight. What are you talking about?

What man? The only man, save you,

I have ever loved. No, don't look like that, there's no

time. You have your duties. You know what?

I'll just have a quick scan... So, what's the date?

How far have we gone? About 3,000 years into

your future, give or take. The Dagmar Cluster.

You're a long way from home, Mickey! It's so...realistic!

Dear me, had some cowboys in here. So where's all that power going?

Where'd all the crew go? Good question.

No life readings on board. Well, we're in deep space, they

didn't just nip out for a quick fag. No, I've checked

all the smoking pods. Yeah. Someone's cooking.

Sunday roast, definitely. Now, there's something you don't

see in your average space ship. It can't be, that's the outer

hull of the ship. Look! Hello. Can you tell me where you

are, at the moment, Reinette? In my bedroom. Where's your bedroom?

Where do you live, Reinette? Monsieur,

what are you doing in my fireplace? Can you tell me what year it is?

Of course I can! 1727. August is rubbish though -

stay indoors. OK, that's all for now,

thanks for your help. Hope you enjoy the rest of the fire.

Night-night! What's that?

No idea, just made it up. And on the other side of the...

"magic door", it's France in 1727? Right period French too. She was

speaking English, I heard her. That's the Tardis,

translates for you. Even French? It's OK! Don't scream, it's me.

It's the fireplace man, look! We were talking. Just a moment ago.

I was in your fireplace. Monsieur, that was weeks ago.

That was months. Really? Need to get a man in. Who are you

and what are you doing here? Just a bit scared, yeah,

just a little tiny bit. and it's the only clock in

the room...then what's that? break the clock. No-one notices the

sound of one clock ticking, but two? You might start to wonder if

you're really alone. Stay on the bed.

Right in the middle. Don't put your hands

or feet over the edge! You can answer her, you can answer

me. What do you mean, incomplete? Even monsters from under the bed

have nightmares. Don't you, monster? What do monsters have

nightmares about? Me! Ha! Fire extinguisher.

Where'd that thing come from? Here. Field trip to France. Some kind

of basic camouflage protocol. Nice needle-work.

Shame about the face! No, really, you are!

You're gorgeous! Listen, seriously,

I mean this from the heart, Go to the carriage, mother,

I will join you there. You are to be congratulated

on your persistence. And you do not appear to

have aged a single day. Listen, lovely to catch up, but

better be off, eh? Don't want your mother finding you

up here with a strange man, do we? Strange?

How could you be a stranger to me? I've known you since

I was seven years old. Oh, you never want

to listen to reason. No way! Reinette Poisson!

Later Madame d'Etoiles?! Later still mistress of Louis XV!

Uncrowned Queen of France! Actress, artist, musician, dancer,

courtesan, fantastic gardener. I'm The Doctor! And I just

snogged Madame de Pompadour! I tell them, I do! Rule one! There

could be anything on this ship! What's that in the middle there?

It's like it's wired in. So this is where you

came from, eh, horsey? Oh, indeed. I, myself, am

frequently inconsolable. He is the King and I love

him with all my heart. Every woman in Paris

knows your ambitions. You know, of course, that the King

is to attend the Yew Tree ball... Is this an average day?

Life with The Doctor, Mickey. It's France again.

We can see France. I think we're looking

through a mirror. Blimey, look at this guy!

Who does he think he is? What's a horse doing

on a space ship? See these? They're all over the

place, on every deck. Deliberately arranged along the

life of one particular woman. A space ship from the 51st Century

stalking a woman from the 18th! So she got plans

on being Queen then? No, he's already got a queen. She's

got plans on being his mistress. Even her own title -

Madame de Pompadour. The King's wife and the

King's girlfriend? France. How long have you been

standing there? Show yourself! Hello, Reinette, hasn't time flown!

Fireplace man! I don't know,

but it did when you were a child. Answer any and all

questions put to you. That ship hasn't moved in over a

year. What's taken you so long? Always comes down to that,

doesn't it? The parts. What happened to the crew? Where

are they? We did not have the parts. you didn't have the parts.

So you used the crew. And there was a heart

wired into machinery. No-one told it the crew

weren't on the menu. What did you say the

flight deck smelled of? ..Someone cooking...

Flesh plus heat. You've opened up time windows,

that takes colossal energy. Why come here, you could've

gone to your repair yard. Instead you come to

18th century France. Why? If you've got all of history to

choose from, why specifically her? We are not the same!

We are in no sense the same! It's back on the ship!

Rose, take Mickey and Arthur, I let you keep Mickey.

Now go, go, go! Well, Madame de Pompadour,

Sarah Jane Smith... Cleopatra... You are in my memories.

You walk among them. Actually there's a door just there,

you might want to close. So impertinent a question,

so early in the conversation. And for some reason that

means you're not old enough. Sorry. You might find old

memories reawakening. Side effect. What do you mean, alone? You've

never been alone in your life. When did you start

calling me Doctor? How can you bear it?

How did you do that? A door, once opened, may be

stepped through in either direction. This is the night

you dance with the King. It's more than just

a secret, isn't it? when every lonely little boy

must learn how to dance. What is this?

What's going on? Doctor? They're going to chop us up.

Just like the crew! They're going to chop us and stick

us all over their stupid space ship! And where's The Doctor?

Where's the precious Doctor now? Been gone for flippin' hours, that's

where he is! You are compatible. we didn't come here alone. Oh, no,

and trust me, you wouldn't want Ever heard of the Daleks?

Remember them? # I could have danced all night

I could have danced all night...! # # And done a thousand...

Have you met the French? Well, look at what the cat

dragged in. The oncoming storm! D'you know, they'd never

even seen a banana before? Always take a banana to a

party, Rose. Bananas are good! Do you know what they were

scanning Reinette's brain for? Know why?

Cos this ship is 37 years old. Right, you two, that's

enough lying about. Time we got the rest

of the ship turned off. OK, all the time windows

are controlled from here. Need to close them all down.

Zeus plugs, where are my Zeus plugs? Had them a minute ago, I

was using them as castanets. Why didn't they just open a

time window to when she was 37? That's why I can't close the

windows, there's an override. Right,

many things about this are not good. Message from one of your little

friends? Anything interesting? And this time they're

bringing back her head. Madame de Pompadour...

Please, don't scream or anything. Five years?

Some time after your 37th birthday. I can't give you an exact date, it's

a bit random. But they're coming. In a way...for us...it's

already happening. I'm sorry, it's hard to explain -

The Doctor does this better. Then be exact and I will be

attentive. There isn't time. while I, weary traveller,

must always take the slower path. So! In five years these

creatures will return. What can be done?

The Doctor says, keep them talking. They're kind of

programmed to respond to you. But he cannot

make his promises in person? He'll be there when you need him.

That's the way it's got to be.

It's the way it has always been. It seems you cannot have

one without the other. The thing is,

you weren't supposed to have either. Those creatures are

messing with history. None of this was ever supposed to

happen to you. Supposed to happen? It happened, child, and I would

not have had it any other way. One may tolerate a world of

demons for the sake of an angel. We've found it,

right under our noses! SCREAMING

What was that? The Time Window. The Doctor fixed

an audio link. Those screams. REINETTE'S VOICE:

'Are you there? Can you hear me? That's my voice. Rose, come on,

we've got to go. But you and I both know,

don't we, Rose? We must go!

No-one is coming to help us. You found it, then! They knew I

was coming, they've blocked it off. Where are we going?

The teleport has limited range. We must have proximity

to the time portal. Hyperplex this side, plate glass

the other. We'd need a truck. No, smash the glass, smash the

Time Window, there'd be no way back. Could everyone just calm down!

Please! Such a commotion,

such distressing noise. Kindly remember

that this is Versailles. This is the Royal Court.

And we are French. I have seen your world, I have no

desire to set foot there again. You are merely the nightmare

of my childhood. How many ticks left in that

clockwork heart? I have often wished to see

those stars a little closer. There were many doors

between my world and yours. It's a pity. I think

I would have enjoyed the slow path. I had it moved here and

was exact in every detail. The fireplace from your bedroom!

..When did you do this? In the hope that a door once

opened may some day open again. One never quite knows when

one needs one's doctor. It appears undamaged.

Do you think it will still work? You broke the bond with

the ship when you moved it. Which means it was off-line when the

mirror broke, that's what saved it. if I'm very, very, very,

very lucky... Madame de Pompadour?

..Still want to see those stars? More than anything.

Gimme two minutes. Pack a bag! Go to the window. Pick a star.

Any star. How long did you wait?

5? hours. Great! Where've you been? Explain later,

into the Tardis. With you in a sec! She said you never

looked a day older. So many years since I saw you last,

but not a day of it on your face. Leaving Versailles

for the last time. The Tardis can close down the Time

Windows, now the droids have gone - should stop it causing

any more trouble. Come on, Rose, time you showed

me round the rest of this place. "The path has never seemed more slow

and yet I fear I am nearing its end. "My days grow shorter now,

and I am so very weak. So this is London. An

alternative to our world, where everything's the same

but a little bit different. What are they all doing?

It's the earpieces... The prototype has passed every test,

sir. It's working! I've seen them before...

What are they? A skin of metal and a body

that will never age!