Love and Monsters Doctor Who


Love and Monsters

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Doctor! Doctor! Look out!

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-Where's he gone? Have you seen him?

-There he is. Stop! No!

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Watch out!

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There! There!

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LOW GROWLING

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WATER DRIPS

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LOW GROWLS

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That's what it did. It went ROAR!

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And if you think that was the most exciting day of my life, wait till you hear the rest.

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Oh, boy!

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So there I was, with that thing going ROAR!

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Here boy, eat the food. Come on.

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Look at the lovely food. Isn't that nice? Yes, it is!

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Get out of here, quickly!

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Who would like a porkie choppie, then? I said, "RUN!"

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Wrong one! You've made it worse!

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-You said, "Blue!"

-I said NOT blue!

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Hold on.

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Ahhh!

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-Aaagh!

-Aaagh!

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Hold on.

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Don't I know you?

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TARDIS WHIRRS

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You can't imagine it. The Doctor's machine.

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The most beautiful sound in the world.

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That wasn't the first time I met the Doctor and it certainly wasn't the last. Oh, no!

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I just put that bit at the beginning because it's a brilliant opening.

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This is the story of me and my encounters with alien life forms.

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But be warned!

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Because it is gonna get sca-a-ary.

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I need a remote control zoom.

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I'm having to do that with the lean, sca-a-a-ary.

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But look, don't worry, cos it's not just me sitting here talking. Oh, no.

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-That's Ursula on camera.

-Hello!

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My good friend, Ursula Blake. On my brand new camera.

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That was my family home, down there.

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I did try, but there's two women live there now.

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They're a bit severe.

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Never mind, but that's where it all started.

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Cos that's when I first met the Doctor.

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What was it, I must've been three or four years old.

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Middle of the night I went downstairs

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and there was this...man.

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What happened?

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Elton? Tell me. Why was he there?

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I dunno. Still don't know.

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All those years ago.

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OK! First things first.

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My name is Elton, not to be confused with...

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I left school. I got a job, transport manager for Rita Logistics,

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modest little haulage company, perfectly normal life, and then...

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it all went mad!

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Two years ago, I was in town.

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I was stocking up, nothing special, all the usual stuff.

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When all of a sudden...

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PEOPLE SCREAM

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Shop window dummies!

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Come to life!

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I survived... Obviously.

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Twelve months later, I'm back in town,

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looking for a new suit, when I hear this plane overhead.

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DONG!

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But it wasn't over yet! Cos then, Christmas Day...

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I'm in bed, fast asleep, nice and cosy, when all of a sudden...

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Like, ptscccchhhh!

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I'm stuck in bed cos there's glass everywhere and I was barefoot.

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I had to invent this rudimentary pulley system just to reach my boots and by the time I'd done that...

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that's when it all started happening.

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-That's how I met Ursula.

-His name is the Doctor.

-That's how I met Victor Kennedy.

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You stupid man!

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-That's how I met Jackie Tyler.

-You don't meet many Elton's.

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And that's how I finally met the Doctor...

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and realised the truth.

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I should say,

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this isn't my whole life - it's not all spaceships and stuff.

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Cos I'm into all sorts of things.

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I like football.

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I like a drink. I like Spain.

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And if there's one thing I really, really love,

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then it's Jeff Lynne and the Electric Light Orchestra.

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Cos you can't beat a bit of ELO.

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# The sun is shining in the sky

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# There ain't a cloud in sight

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# It's stopped raining

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# Everybody's in the play

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# And don't you know it's a beautiful day

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# Hey, hey, hey... #

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So!

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Great big spaceship hanging over London, imagine the theories!

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The internet went into meltdown!

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But I kept on digging.

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Something was going on.

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Oh, yes! And then one day, on some obscure little blog

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by someone called Ursula Blake, it was like a chance in a million.

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'It was him. It was that man again, but the photo was new, it was taken on Christmas Day.

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-'But Christmas just gone and he looked exactly the same.'

-His name is the Doctor.

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-Doctor what?

-That's all anyone knows.

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But Christmas Day, I was taking photos all over the place.

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I went mad with it all, spaceships and lasers and everything.

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We all went to Trafalgar Square that night, cos everyone was celebrating, just being alive.

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I snapped him in passing, that's all. He was just some bloke.

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I didn't realise he was significant, until Mr Skinner pointed it out.

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Who's Mr Skinner?

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Oh, there's a few of us.

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The inner sanctum. All studying this Doctor.

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I've seen him, the Doctor, I swear to you.

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I saw him when I was a kid. He was in my house and he was downstairs.

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-Don't tell me. He looked exactly the same then as he does now.

-Yes!

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Yes!

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Oh, my God, you believe me!

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'So that's how I met Ursula. All thanks to the Doctor.

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'Turns out we read all the same sites and she only lived half a mile away.

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She was like a proper mate. Poor Ursula.'

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But like she said, there was this little community, the select few,

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all with their stories of the Doctor.

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'This little gang used to meet up, underneath the old library on Maccateer Street.

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'Mr Skinner, first name Colin, but we always called him Mr Skinner.

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-'I don't know why, we just did.'

-To me, the Doctor isn't a man,

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he's more a collection of archetypes...

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-'Then there was Bridget.'

-All these different Doctors come and go,

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but the single constant factor is this faux-police box. It keeps cropping up, throughout history.

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'She lived way up north but she travelled down just for the meetings.

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-'Then there was Bliss...'

-What I'm trying to do,

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is sum up the Doctor, what he means to us.

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'She was ever so sweet, Bliss.

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-'"Bless Bliss," we used to say.'

-What he could represent and what he should represent

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and what he...

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-never won't represent, sort of thing.

-We should have a name.

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You know, as a group.

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Names are very important.

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What we need is a good, strong name, like a team, something like...

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London Investigation 'n' Detective Agency.

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-LINDA for short.

-Say it again?

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London Investigation 'n' Detective Agency.

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-'N'?

-Fish 'n' chips!

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Rock 'n' roll! Chakademus 'n' Pliers!

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-LINDA! Oh, I like it, it's not too solemn!

-I like the 'N'!

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-We're the men from LINDA!

-And the women!

-LINDA united!

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-Did you think of that on the spot?

-No, I've wanted to use it for years.

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-I give you, LINDA!

-ALL: LINDA!

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So we'd all meet up, every week.

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We'd talk about the Doctor for a bit,

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but after a while, Bridget started cooking.

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Oh, my God, that's gorgeous!

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No, really. Wow! Oh, rest of you, get your hands off!

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'Next thing you know, Mr Skinner started his readings, cos he was writing his own novel.'

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"That's the last time you ride the Ghost Train, Johnny Franzetta, now say your prayers!"

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To be continued.

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-No-o-o-o!

-'Time went on, we got to know each other better and better.'

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I only started all this because my daughter disappeared.

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But it wasn't aliens that took her away.

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It was just drugs.

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I come down to London every week and I just keep looking for her.

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Oh, Bridget...

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# I gave my love a chicken

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# It had no bone

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# I gave my love a cherry

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# It had no stone... #

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# I've got a brand new pair of roller-skates

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# You've got a brand-new key... #

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'Then it turned out that Bridget could play the piano

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and I confessed my love of ELO. Next thing you know, musical LINDA!

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# You got me running going out of my mind

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# You got me thinking that I'm wasting my time

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# Don't bring me down... #

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Just for fun.

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# Don't bring me down... #

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Your go.

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-Grooves!

-Your go.

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Now, careful, mind the cables.

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'And that's when it all changed.

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'That Tuesday night in March.

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'That's when he arrived.'

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-Lights.

-'That's when we met Victor Kennedy and the Golden Age was gone.'

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So, we meet at last.

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-"LINDA".

-Pleased to meet you, sir. I'm sorry, was the music too loud?

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No, no, no, I don't shake hands.

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Back, back. I suffer from a skin complaint.

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-Ex-ee-ma.

-Oh, you mean Eczema.

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Oh, this is worse, much worse, I blister to the touch. Back, back, all of you further, further.

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Thank you.

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Sorry, don't mind me asking, but who are you?

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I am your salvation.

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-That's the Doctor.

-That's really him.

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You've forgotten your purpose in life.

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You with your band and your cakes and your blubbing and all the while he still exists.

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-The Doctor.

-Look at him. Just look!

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Move back! Move back all of you.

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Wait for this bit. The picture cuts out but the sound continues.

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Listen. Just listen. Listen to the sound of the universe.

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SOUND OF THE TARDIS

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That's...

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-What is it? What's wrong?

-Leave him!

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You've heard it before, haven't you?

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When? When was it? Where? Where were you?

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I'd forgotten...

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till now.

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But it was that night.

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What night?

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I was just a kid.

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That's why I went downstairs.

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It woke me up.

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That noise... TARDIS WHIRRS

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But what is it?

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-What does it mean?

-That is the sound of his spaceship.

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Right then! Homework! Using the Torchwood files,

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we can look at the old databases in a completely new light.

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We are able to build up a more detailed profile of the Doctor. I've allocated tasks to each of you.

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I'd like you to... Careful! Watch the ex-ee-ma!

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I would like you to complete your targets.

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We'll meet back here this time next week, one step closer to catching the Doctor.

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Well, don't just sit there! Move!

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Um, Bliss. It is Bliss, isn't it?

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-Yes.

-Could I have a word with you in private, please?

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-Course you can, yeah.

-Thank you.

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Goodbye, goodbye.

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Better get to work. Lots to do.

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-I never thought of it as work.

-It's what we always wanted, though -

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-to find the Doctor.

-Yeah, I suppose.

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GIRL SCREAMS

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All of a sudden, without anyone saying so, we were working for Victor Kennedy.

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'And we had to admit, he was right, his methods were much more rigorous.

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'It felt like we were getting closer and closer to the Doctor.'

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-Mr Kennedy?

-Yes.

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We were wondering... No sign of Bliss, do you know where she is?

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Yes. Didn't she tell you? She's getting married. She left a message.

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It'll never last. Stupid girl. Come on, back to work!

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-But we did get lucky once.

-A police box, newly-arrived...

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It says newly arrived today in Woolwich.

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Well, don't just stand there! Move! Move! Go! Go!

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But don't get excited. That's where you came in.

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Woolwich, police box, red bucket, blue bucket,

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me so stupid, etc...

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-Useless!

-I just froze!

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You met him and you froze?! You stupid man!

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-You can't hit me cos you don't touch, you said so.

-I can use this!

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Use that cane on him and you'll get one hell of a smack off me!

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And then a good kick. Is that completely understood, Mr Kennedy?

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Duly noted.

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Ursula Blake,

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most likely to fight back.

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Right then! We'll change tack. We'll approach this sideways.

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If we're to discover the truth about the Doctor,

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then we should try to find...her.

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When it comes to the Doctor's companion, the Torchwood files are strangely lacking.

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It seems the evidence has been corrupted, something called Bad Wolf virus.

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At least we've got these photographs.

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They're first-hand evidence... Elton?

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Oh, it was a London accent, definitely, she's from London.

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So we hit the streets. We get out there.

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We take the photograph. Someone's got to know who she is. Somewhere.

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Yes, but London's a big place. I should know - my own daughter's out there.

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Bridget, don't make this personal.

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I don't like to be touched literally or metaphorically. I haven't got the time.

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Find me that girl! Go!

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Now! Move!

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'And so it began. The impossible task -

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'to scour the mean streets.

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'To search a major capital city for an unknown girl.

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To hunt down that face in a seething metropolis of lost souls,

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'to find that one girl in ten million.'

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Oh, that's Rose Tyler, she lives just down there,

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Bucknall House, number 48, her mother's Jackie Tyler. Nice family, bit odd.

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# Don't you know it's a beautiful new day

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# Hey, hey, hey... #

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-Oi! Jackie!

-Hello, sweetheart!

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I'll see you down the Spinning Wheel tonight, yeah? Pub quiz. Get 'em in!

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'I'd been trained for this.

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'Victor Kennedy's classes covered basic surveillance and espionage.

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'Step one, engage your target.

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'Find some excuse to start a conversation.

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'But how was I gonna do this?'

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-'Scuse me, you couldn't give us quid for two fifties, could you?

-Yeah.

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-Ta-dah!

-Lovely, cheers.

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'Step Two, without provoking suspicion, get on

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-'first-name terms with the target.'

-My name's Jackie, by the way.

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-Um! Elton.

-Oh, you don't meet many Eltons, do you?

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Apart from the obvious.

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'Step three, ingratiate yourself with a joke or some humorous device.'

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I tell you what, Elton, here we are, complete strangers and I'm flashing you my knickers!

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'Step four, find some subtle way to integrate yourself into the target's household.'

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Mind you, I'm only down here cos my washing machine's knackered.

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I don't suppose you're any good at fixing things, are you?

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There we are, it was the fuse!

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Nothing wrong with the machine, that's fine, all working.

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Oh, Elton, I should have you on tap!

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I used to have this little mate called Mickey, he did all that stuff.

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He's gone now, bless him.

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Well, if you need me, give us a call, I'll jot down my number.

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You do that, and I'll make us a cup of tea, go and sit down.

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Put the telly on if you want,

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I can't bear it silent.

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It's just me, these days, rattling about.

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There's my daughter, but she's gone travelling.

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-I keep her bedroom all nice and ready though, just in case she comes back.

-And her name is?

-Rose.

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That's a nice name - Rose.

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So, where is she travelling?

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All over. She's got her mobile, I get a call, now and then. Not as often as I'd like.

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Still - that age, who can be bothered phoning home?

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-Who's she with, is it mates, or...?

-Just mates.

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Well, if I had you, making a nice cuppa tea like this, I wouldn't stray far from home.

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You're a charmer.

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Say it again!

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Magnificent! Oh, I could kiss you, except I can't. The ex-ee-ma!

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-I even got a picture of her on my phone.

-That's amazing.

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You've achieved Steps 1-4 in precise order, how did you manage it?

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Oh, I had to work hard. She keeps everything very close to her chest.

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-That's hell of a chest.

-But how do you move on?

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-Step five, that's the problem.

-Step Five.

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This week's homework! I want a full plan of attack from each of you!

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Now go on! Vamoose!

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Avanti! There's work to do!

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And Elton, keep infiltrating!

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-You will do anything to get that information, boy, anything!

-Yes, sir!

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Oh, oh, Bridget...

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-Bridget? Oh, yes. Could I have a word with you in private?

-Um.

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Mr Skinner's giving me a lift.

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I can drop you to the station. I'm sure Mr Skinner won't mind?

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Not at all.

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-Bridget, I'll see you next week.

-All right, then.

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Bye bye.

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Now Mr Skinner, I don't mean to pry.

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-But did you give Bridget a little kiss back there?

-I think I did.

0:23:030:23:07

-And, if you get your way, might there be more little kisses between the two of you?

-I think there might.

0:23:070:23:13

-I knew it!

-That's brilliant.

0:23:130:23:15

Now don't get excited. We'll see.

0:23:150:23:17

WOMAN SCREAMS IN DISTANCE

0:23:170:23:20

Infiltration went well, cos Jackie kept phoning up, needing this and needing that.

0:23:230:23:28

It was strange, the amount of things that needed doing, it's like that flat was jinxed.

0:23:280:23:35

ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS It's weird, these fuses keep blowing.

0:23:420:23:45

You must be near a sub-station, cos then you get power surges.

0:23:450:23:49

Still, there we go, fixed!

0:23:490:23:51

There we are. Little reward for my favourite handyman.

0:23:530:23:57

Oh, well I shouldn't really, I've got the car outside.

0:23:570:23:59

You can always splash out on a taxi,

0:23:590:24:02

or...whatever.

0:24:020:24:04

See what happens.

0:24:040:24:07

Right, yeah. Cheers.

0:24:070:24:10

Cheers!

0:24:100:24:11

Very nice, what's that, French?

0:24:140:24:17

Suppose so. They know how to do things, the French.

0:24:170:24:23

Is that from Rose? I mean, is she in France?

0:24:230:24:26

My daughter won't be coming back tonight, just in case you're wondering.

0:24:260:24:29

We've got the place to ourselves.

0:24:290:24:32

Right.

0:24:320:24:33

Nice music.

0:24:380:24:39

-Il Divo.

-Yeah.

0:24:390:24:42

You were saying.

0:24:420:24:44

-Power surges.

-From the sub-station, yeah.

0:24:440:24:47

Is that why it gets so hot in here?

0:24:470:24:49

-Is it hot?

-Oh, I think so. You should take your jacket off.

0:24:490:24:53

-No, I'm fine.

-Oh, look at you, you must be boiling. Oh, your shirt!

0:24:530:24:56

-Sorry!

-No, I'm fine, it's all right.

-I've ruined it.

0:24:560:25:00

-No, honestly, it's fine.

-Take it off, I'll put it in the wash.

0:25:000:25:03

Oh, come on, it's only a little drop.

0:25:030:25:05

There now.

0:25:070:25:09

Ruined.

0:25:090:25:11

And there I was.

0:25:110:25:13

The ultimate Step Five!

0:25:130:25:16

The perfect infiltration.

0:25:160:25:18

Target...

0:25:180:25:20

Jackie Tyler.

0:25:200:25:21

You're right - it is a bit hot! But it's about to get hotter!

0:25:240:25:27

I'll see you soon.

0:25:270:25:29

All right, be careful. Bye.

0:25:290:25:32

Everything all right?

0:25:340:25:37

That was my daughter.

0:25:370:25:38

Oh, look at you. I'm sorry.

0:25:400:25:44

I was just being stupid.

0:25:440:25:46

Is she OK?

0:25:460:25:48

She's so far away.

0:25:480:25:50

I get left here sometimes...

0:25:500:25:53

and I don't know where she is.

0:25:530:25:56

Anything could be happening to her, anything.

0:25:560:25:59

And I just go a bit mad.

0:25:590:26:01

Put your shirt back on.

0:26:030:26:06

Where is she?

0:26:090:26:11

Doesn't matter.

0:26:110:26:14

I'm sorry.

0:26:140:26:16

You'd better go.

0:26:160:26:18

Actually...

0:26:230:26:24

'And that's when it struck me.

0:26:240:26:28

'Funny, the things you think of, with your shirt off.

0:26:280:26:31

'But that's when I realised what was really important.'

0:26:310:26:35

Never mind about Rose.

0:26:350:26:37

I'm not even gonna ask.

0:26:370:26:39

And I will put my shirt back on, because I am gonna go out and get us both a pizza.

0:26:390:26:44

Cos I reckon you need cheering up. She goes swanning off and who's left to care about you, eh?

0:26:440:26:49

So I say, nice bit of pizza, we'll put the telly on nice and loud,

0:26:490:26:53

we'll annoy that woman next door, just you and me, as proper mates. Yeah?

0:26:530:26:58

Mates! Go on,

0:26:580:27:01

say, "Yes."

0:27:010:27:03

Yes!

0:27:030:27:05

All of a sudden, a lot of things made sense.

0:27:070:27:11

I'd got so lost in conspiracies and aliens and targets, I'd been missing the obvious.

0:27:110:27:17

Cos I did like Jackie.

0:27:170:27:19

But I liked someone else even more.

0:27:190:27:21

# Hey you with the pretty face

0:27:240:27:26

# Welcome to the human race

0:27:260:27:29

# A celebration Mr Blue Sky's up there waiting

0:27:290:27:34

# And today is the day we've waited for

0:27:340:27:38

# Oh ho-ho

0:27:380:27:40

# Mr Blue Sky, please tell us why...

0:27:400:27:43

Right. Let's get inside, then.

0:27:460:27:48

The pizza's getting cold.

0:27:480:27:50

I went in your coat.

0:27:500:27:53

For once in my life, I thought, I'll pay.

0:27:530:27:55

I thought, he's such a nice man, he won't accept anything

0:27:550:27:58

so I'll just slip a tenner in his pocket and look what I found.

0:27:580:28:03

A photograph of my daughter.

0:28:030:28:05

-No, no, no. It's not like that. I can explain.

-I bet you can.

0:28:050:28:08

I wasn't being pervy or anything, I wasn't after her.

0:28:080:28:12

I was looking for the Doctor.

0:28:120:28:13

Oh, I know that. I worked that out. Cos it's never me, is it?

0:28:130:28:18

No, that's how it started, but I changed my mind.

0:28:180:28:21

Let me tell you something about those who get left behind.

0:28:210:28:25

Because it's hard and that's what you become. Hard.

0:28:250:28:29

But if there's one thing I've learnt, it's that I will never let her down.

0:28:290:28:34

And I will protect them both, until the end of my life.

0:28:340:28:38

So whatever you want, I'm warning you. Back off.

0:28:380:28:42

-But Jackie, I only wanted to meet him.

-I thought you liked me.

0:28:420:28:45

-I do.

-Just get out of here!

0:28:450:28:48

I said get out!

0:28:480:28:51

And leave me alone!

0:28:510:28:52

And she was right. It's shameful. We used that woman!

0:28:590:29:01

I knew I couldn't trust you! You broke cover, you stupid little man, you failed Step Five.

0:29:010:29:06

I don't care about Step Five!

0:29:060:29:08

Cos it's all gone wrong, Mr Kennedy, ever since you turned up.

0:29:080:29:12

We used to come here, every week and we'd have a laugh.

0:29:130:29:17

We were friends.

0:29:170:29:19

No wonder they stopped coming, I mean there's no Bliss any more and even Bridget, she hasn't turned up.

0:29:190:29:24

-I've been phoning and phoning, there's no reply.

-Who can blame her?

0:29:240:29:28

I'm sorry, Victor, but you're on your own.

0:29:280:29:31

Cos I'm leaving, and so are you, Mr Skinner.

0:29:310:29:34

And as for you, Ursula, you're coming with me

0:29:340:29:38

and we're going to the Golden Locust and we're gonna have a Chinese!

0:29:380:29:42

-What's that got to do with it?

-I mean, you and me, together.

0:29:420:29:46

Having a meal.

0:29:460:29:48

If you want.

0:29:480:29:51

Oh, I'd love it!

0:29:530:29:55

But you can't leave. You'll never know what he was doing.

0:29:550:29:58

You'll never know what he was doing in your house, all those years ago.

0:29:580:30:02

No, I'll never know.

0:30:020:30:06

Ursula?

0:30:080:30:10

Get your stuff.

0:30:100:30:12

Mr Skinner, are you coming?

0:30:120:30:15

Not to the Chinese, if you don't mind, just sort of walking out.

0:30:150:30:18

-I certainly am!

-Victor....

0:30:180:30:22

Good luck.

0:30:220:30:24

Goodbye.

0:30:240:30:26

Mr Skinner?

0:30:260:30:28

W-would you stay for a minute, please?

0:30:280:30:31

We're walking out.

0:30:310:30:33

I've got numbers for Bridget.

0:30:330:30:34

I've kept records. I've got old numbers. We could track her down. Together, you and I.

0:30:340:30:39

That's more like the old team spirit.

0:30:390:30:42

-You two have a nice time.

-I hope you find her.

0:30:420:30:45

I'll e-mail you.

0:30:450:30:47

Just come a little closer.

0:30:470:30:50

-Mm!

-Yeah, I love prawns. DISTANT SCREAM

0:30:530:30:56

Oh, I left my phone.

0:30:560:30:59

-Really?

-Yeah. It's not in my pocket.

0:30:590:31:02

So much for the big exit.

0:31:020:31:04

Yeah. C'mon, hurry up.

0:31:040:31:06

I'm not stopping, I just left my...

0:31:130:31:15

phone.

0:31:150:31:17

-Victor?

-Take your phone and go.

0:31:170:31:20

Where's Mr Skinner?

0:31:210:31:23

He's gone to the toilet.

0:31:230:31:26

But we haven't got toilets. We have to use the pub on the corner.

0:31:260:31:31

Well, that's where he is, then.

0:31:310:31:34

Help me!

0:31:340:31:35

-What was that?

-It was nothing. It was nothing!

-Help me!

-Get out.

0:31:370:31:41

That's Mr Skinner.

0:31:410:31:44

Victor, look at your hands.

0:31:440:31:47

Look at the rest of me!

0:31:490:31:52

You've dabbled with aliens.

0:31:520:31:54

Now meet the genuine article!

0:31:540:31:57

-Oh, my God!

-You're a...

0:31:570:32:01

-thing.

-A thing?

0:32:010:32:04

This thing is my true form.

0:32:040:32:07

Better than that crude pink shape you call a body.

0:32:070:32:11

What happened? Where am I?

0:32:110:32:13

Ursula, is that you?

0:32:130:32:16

That's Mr Skinner.

0:32:160:32:18

-What have you done to him?

-I've absorbed him.

0:32:180:32:22

-Colin? Is that you? Colin?

-Bridget, my love?

0:32:220:32:25

Oh, my God, that's Bridget!

0:32:250:32:28

-Colin, where are you?

-I'm here, Bridget. It's all right.

0:32:280:32:30

I'm close.

0:32:300:32:32

You've absorbed them both.

0:32:320:32:34

What about Bliss? Where is she?

0:32:340:32:37

MUFFLED YELP What?

0:32:370:32:39

-I said you really don't want to know.

-You've absorbed them.

0:32:390:32:43

You're some sort of...

0:32:430:32:46

Absorbathon. An Absorbaling.

0:32:460:32:50

An Abzorbaloff!

0:32:500:32:52

-Yes. I like that.

-Let them go.

0:32:520:32:54

I'm ordering you.

0:32:540:32:56

Let those people go!

0:32:560:32:58

But they taste so sweet.

0:32:580:33:00

Just think about the Doctor.

0:33:000:33:02

Oh, how will HE taste?

0:33:020:33:05

All that experience, all that knowledge.

0:33:050:33:08

And if I've got to absorb Jackie Tyler to get to him, then so be it.

0:33:080:33:12

Don't you dare!

0:33:120:33:14

If I have to beat them out of you...

0:33:140:33:18

No, no, please don't hit me!

0:33:180:33:20

Look at me! I'm such a slow and clumsy beast.

0:33:200:33:23

Please don't hit me.

0:33:230:33:25

Well, then, give them back.

0:33:280:33:30

What, you mean like this?!

0:33:300:33:33

Just one touch! That's all it takes!

0:33:350:33:38

-No!

-No!

0:33:440:33:45

-Leave her alone!

-Don't touch me.

0:33:450:33:48

Oh, Elton. I'm so sorry. You can't touch me.

0:33:500:33:53

Ursula!

0:33:530:33:56

"Most likely to fight back" indeed!

0:33:560:33:58

Leave her alone!

0:33:580:34:00

-Yes!

-No! That's not fair!

0:34:150:34:17

She tastes like chicken.

0:34:190:34:20

Elton, where are you?

0:34:200:34:23

Please.

0:34:230:34:25

Mr Kennedy, please.

0:34:250:34:28

I'm asking you.

0:34:280:34:30

I'm begging you.

0:34:300:34:33

-Give her back to me.

-I can't.

0:34:330:34:36

Once they've been absorbed, the process is irreversible.

0:34:360:34:40

Wait a minute.

0:34:400:34:42

Now I've been absorbed, I can read his thoughts!

0:34:420:34:45

Oh, my God.

0:34:450:34:48

Elton, you're next! Get out of here!

0:34:480:34:51

Now you've seen him, he can't let you go. Just run!

0:34:510:34:56

Go on! Never mind me, get out!

0:34:560:34:59

-Isn't she the clever one?

-Run, Elton!

0:34:590:35:02

-RUN!

-Save yourself, boy!

-Run for your life!

0:35:020:35:05

Oh, what's the matter?

0:35:280:35:30

Have you given up so soon?

0:35:300:35:32

There's no point.

0:35:320:35:34

Where would I go?

0:35:340:35:37

Everything I ever wanted...

0:35:370:35:39

-Has been absorbed.

-Oh, Elton. Don't say that.

0:35:390:35:43

But it's true!

0:35:430:35:44

Then join us. Join us, little man.

0:35:440:35:48

Come on. There's everlasting peace. Come on, join us -

0:35:480:35:52

dissolve into me.

0:35:520:35:55

TARDIS WHIRRS

0:35:580:36:01

Someone wants a word with you.

0:36:160:36:19

You've upset my mum.

0:36:210:36:22

A great big absorbing creature from outer space, and you're having a go at me?

0:36:230:36:29

-No-one upsets my mum.

-At last.

0:36:290:36:31

-The greatest feast of all - the Doctor.

-Interesting.

0:36:310:36:35

Some sort of Absorbatrix.

0:36:350:36:38

Absorbaklon, Abzorbaloff...

0:36:380:36:40

-Abzorbaloff, yes.

-Is it me, or is he a bit Slitheen?

0:36:400:36:44

Not from Raxacoricofallapatorius, are you?

0:36:440:36:47

No, I'm not! They're swine.

0:36:470:36:48

I spit on them. I was born on their twin planet.

0:36:480:36:51

-Really? What's the twin planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius?

-Clom.

0:36:510:36:55

-Clom?

-Clom, yes. And I'll return there victorious, once I possess your travelling machine.

0:36:550:37:01

-Well, that's never gonna happen.

-Oh, it will.

0:37:010:37:04

You'll surrender yourself to me, Doctor, or this one dies.

0:37:040:37:09

You see, I've read about you, Doctor.

0:37:090:37:10

I've studied you. So passionate.

0:37:100:37:13

So sweet. You wouldn't let an innocent man die.

0:37:130:37:17

And I'll absorb him unless you give yourself to me.

0:37:170:37:22

Sweet, maybe.

0:37:240:37:26

Passionate, I suppose. But don't ever mistake that for nice.

0:37:260:37:29

Do what you want.

0:37:290:37:33

-He'll die, Doctor!

-Go on, then.

0:37:340:37:37

-So be it.

-Mind you, the others might have something to say.

-Others?

0:37:390:37:45

He's right! The Doctor's right! We can't let him.

0:37:450:37:48

Oh, Mr Skinner, Bridget, pull.

0:37:480:37:53

-No!

-For God's sake, pull, if it's the last thing we ever do!

0:37:530:37:57

Bliss! All of us, together -

0:37:570:38:00

come on! Pull!

0:38:000:38:02

LINDA united!

0:38:020:38:05

PU-U-U-ULL!

0:38:050:38:07

Elton! The cane! Break it!

0:38:110:38:15

My cane!

0:38:150:38:16

Y'stupid man!

0:38:160:38:18

Oh, no!

0:38:180:38:21

-What did I do?

-The cane created a limitation field.

0:38:260:38:31

Now it's broken, he can't stop.

0:38:310:38:34

-The absorber is being absorbed.

-By what?

0:38:340:38:37

By the Earth.

0:38:390:38:41

Bye-bye, Elton.

0:38:470:38:50

Bye-bye.

0:38:510:38:52

Who was she?

0:39:000:39:02

That was Ursula.

0:39:040:39:06

And that's it.

0:39:220:39:25

Almost.

0:39:250:39:27

Because the Doctor still had more to say.

0:39:270:39:30

-You don't remember, do you?

-And then he explained.

0:39:300:39:34

That night, all those years ago...

0:39:340:39:37

There was a shadow in your house.

0:39:370:39:40

A living shadow in the darkness.

0:39:420:39:44

An elemental shade had escaped from the Howling Halls.

0:39:440:39:48

I stopped it, but...

0:39:480:39:51

I wasn't in time to save her.

0:39:510:39:53

I'm sorry.

0:39:550:39:57

Because that was the night my mother died.

0:40:030:40:06

We forget because we must.

0:40:460:40:48

So, there you go.

0:40:540:40:57

Turns out I've had the most terrible things happen and the most brilliant things,

0:40:570:41:03

and sometimes, well, I can't tell the difference -

0:41:030:41:06

they're all the same thing, they're just me.

0:41:060:41:10

You know, Stephen King said once, he said,

0:41:100:41:14

"Salvation and damnation are the same thing,"

0:41:140:41:17

and I never knew what he meant.

0:41:170:41:21

But I do now...

0:41:210:41:24

Cos the Doctor might be wonderful, but, thinking back,

0:41:240:41:28

I was having such a special time.

0:41:280:41:30

Just for a bit, I had this nice little gang.

0:41:300:41:34

# I'll tell you once more, before I get off the floor... #

0:41:340:41:37

And they were destroyed.

0:41:370:41:40

It's not his fault,

0:41:400:41:43

but maybe that's what happens if you touch the Doctor,

0:41:430:41:47

even for a second.

0:41:470:41:49

I keep thinking of Rose and Jackie

0:41:500:41:53

and how much longer before they pay the price?

0:41:530:41:56

Oh, now don't get all miserable.

0:41:560:41:59

Come on, Elton, you've still got me.

0:41:590:42:01

Oh, yeah,

0:42:010:42:03

cos the Doctor said he could do one last thing with his magic wand.

0:42:030:42:08

If I can key into the absorption matrix and separate the last victim...

0:42:080:42:13

It's too late for total reconstruction, but...

0:42:130:42:16

Elton! Fetch a spade!

0:42:180:42:21

Even then, after all that,

0:42:210:42:24

the Doctor saved me one last time.

0:42:240:42:27

-Here she is.

-Could be worse.

0:42:340:42:36

At least I'll never age.

0:42:360:42:38

And it really is quite peaceful. You'd be surprised.

0:42:380:42:41

It's a relationship. Of sorts.

0:42:410:42:45

We manage.

0:42:450:42:47

We've even got a bit of a love life.

0:42:470:42:49

Oh, let's not go into that.

0:42:490:42:51

And I don't care what anyone thinks - I love her.

0:42:510:42:56

Aaah!

0:42:560:42:58

But the thing is...

0:43:000:43:02

There y'are.

0:43:020:43:04

I've even bought a remote zoom.

0:43:040:43:06

But what I wanted to say is...

0:43:080:43:10

..y'know, when you're a kid,

0:43:120:43:14

they tell you it's all "grow up, get a job, get married, get a house,

0:43:140:43:19

"have a kid and that's it".

0:43:190:43:22

No.

0:43:230:43:26

But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that...

0:43:260:43:29

..and so much darker...

0:43:310:43:33

and so much madder.

0:43:330:43:35

And SO much better.

0:43:380:43:41

-30th Olympiad!

-That's great!

0:43:450:43:49

-They're not safe!

-They're in the garden!

-I'm begging you!

0:43:510:43:55

In the last six days, three of your children have been stolen.

0:43:550:43:59

If we find the source of that power...

0:44:010:44:04

They're kids' pictures. Now get out!

0:44:040:44:06

-Chloe has a power. She's using it to snatch the kids.

-Get out.

0:44:060:44:09

If living things can become drawings,

0:44:090:44:12

then maybe drawings can become living things.

0:44:120:44:16

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