The Unicorn and the Wasp Doctor Who

TARDIS WHIRRS

Ooh, smell that air!

Grass and lemonade and a little bit of mint,

a hint of mint, must be the 1920s.

You can tell what year it is just by smelling?

-Oh, yeah!

-Or maybe that big vintage car coming up the drive gave it away(!)

HORN TOOTS

The professor's luggage, Richard, step lively.

Good afternoon, Professor Peach.

Hello, Greeves old man.

Ah... Reverend!

Professor Peach! Beautiful day.

-The Lord's in his heaven, all's right with the world.

-Reverend Golightly.

Lady Eddison requests that you make yourselves comfortable in your rooms.

Cocktails will be served on the lawn from half past four.

You go on up. I need to check something in the library. Alone.

It's supposed to be a party.

All this work, it'll be the death of you!

Never mind Planet Zog...

A party in the 1920s, that's more like it!

Trouble is, we haven't been invited.

Oh, I forgot, yes, we have!

I was right. Kept secret all these years...

It's unbelievable!

But why didn't they ask...? Heavens!

Oh, it's you.

I was just doing a little research...

I say, what are you doing with that lead piping?

But that's impossible... No! No-!

We'll be late for cocktails!

What d'you think? Flapper or slapper?

Flapper. You look lovely!

SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

Look sharp, we have guests!

Good afternoon!

Drinks, sir? Ma'am?

Sidecar please.

And a lime and soda, thank you.

May I announce Lady Clemency Eddison!

Lady Eddison!

Forgive me, but who exactly might you be and what are you doing here?

I'm the Doctor, and this is Miss Donna Noble, of the Chiswick Nobles.

IN POSH VOICE: Good afternoon, my lady. Topping day, what?

Spiffing! Top hole!

No, no, no, no. No. Don't do that, don't.

We were thrilled to receive your invitation, my lady.

We met at the Ambassador's reception.

Doctor, how could I forget you?

But one must be sure with the Unicorn on the loose.

A unicorn? Brilliant! Where?

The Unicorn. The jewel thief.

Nobody knows who he is.

He's just struck again, snatched Lady Babbington's pearls right from under her nose.

Funny place to wear pearls.

May I announce the Colonel Hugh Curbishley, the Honourable Roger Curbishley.

My husband

-and my son.

-Forgive me for not rising.

Never been the same ever since that flu epidemic back in '18.

My word, you are a super lady.

Oh, I like the cut of your jib.

-Chin, chin.

-Hello, I'm the Doctor.

-How do you do?

-Very well.

-Your usual, sir?

Ah, thank you, Davenport. Just how I like it.

How come she's an Eddison but her husband and son are Curbishleys?

The Eddison title ascends through her.

One day Roger will be a lord.

..Miss Robina Redmond!

She's the absolute hit of the social scene. A must! Miss Redmond!

Spiffing to meet you at last, my lady!

-What super fun!

-Reverend Arnold Golightly!

Reverend, how are you?

I heard about the church last Thursday night, those ruffians breaking in.

-You apprehended them.

-As the Christian Fathers taught me,

we must forgive them their trespasses, quite literally.

Some of these young boys deserve a decent thrashing.

-Couldn't agree more, sir.

-Typical.

-All the decent men are on the other bus.

-Or Time Lords.

What about this special guest you promised us?

Here she is!

A lady who needs no introduction.

Oh, no, please don't.

Thank you, Lady Eddison.

Honestly, there's no need.

-Agatha Christie.

-What about her?

-That's me.

-No!

You're kidding!

Agatha Christie!

I was just talking about. I said, I bet she's brilliant!

I'm the Doctor, this is Donna. Oh! I love your stuff! What a mind!

You fool me every time, well, almost every time, well, once or twice, well, once. But it was a good once!

-You make a rather unusual couple.

-No, we're not married!

-We're not a couple!

-Obviously not. No wedding ring.

Oh, you don't miss a trick.

And I'd stay that way, if I were you. The thrill is in the chase, never in the capture.

Mrs Christie! I'm so glad you could come, I'm one of your greatest followers.

I've read all six of your books!

Is Mr Christie not joining us?

Is he needed?

Can't a woman make her own way in the world?

Don't give my wife ideas!

Now, Mrs Christie, I've a question. Why a Belgian detective?

Belgians make such lovely buns!

I say, where on earth's Professor Peach?

-He'd love to meet Mrs Christie.

-Said he was going to the library.

Miss Chandrakala. Would you go and collect the Professor?

-At once, my lady.

-The date on this newspaper.

What about it?

It's the day Agatha Christie disappeared.

Professor Peach?

Professor?

She'd just discovered her husband was having an affair.

You'd never think to look at her. Smiling away.

Well, she's British and moneyed.

That's what they do, they carry on.

Except for this one time.

No-one knows exactly what happened, she just vanished...

Her car will be found by the side of a lake.

Ten days later, Agatha Christie turns up in a hotel in Harrogate.

Said she'd lost her memory.

She never spoke about the disappearance, till the day she died. But whatever it was...

It's about to happen.

-Right here, right now.

-Professor...

The library!

Murder! Murder!

Oh, my goodness!

Bashed on the head.

A blunt instrument.

Watch broke as he fell, time of death was a quarter past four.

Bit of pipe.

Call me Hercule Poirot, but I reckon that's blunt enough.

Nothing worth killing for in that lot. Dry as dust.

Hold on. The body in the library?

I mean, Professor Peach, in the library, with the lead piping?

-Let me see.

-Out of my way!

-Gerald!

-Saints preserve us!

-Oh, how awful!

-Someone should call the police.

No need. Chief Inspector Smith, known as 'the Doctor'.

-Miss Noble's the plucky young girl who helps me out.

-I say!

Go into the sitting room. I will question each of you in turn.

Come along. Do as the Doctor says, leave the room undisturbed.

"The plucky young girl who helps me out?"

No policewomen in 1926.

I'll pluck you in a minute. Why don't we phone the real police?

Well, the last thing we want is PC Plod sticking his nose in.

Especially now I've found this.

Morphic residue.

Morphic? Doesn't sound very 1926.

Gets left behind when certain species genetically re-encode.

The murderer's an alien?

Which means one of that lot is an alien in human form.

Yeah, but think about it.

There's a murder, a mystery, and Agatha Christie.

So? Happens to me all the time.

No, but isn't that a bit weird?

Agatha Christie didn't walk around surrounded by murders.

Not really. I mean, that's like meeting Charles Dickens

and he's surrounded by ghosts, at Christmas.

-Well...

-Oh, come on! It's not like we

could drive across country and find Enid Blyton having tea with Noddy.

Could we? Noddy's not real, is he?

-Tell me there's no Noddy.

-There's no Noddy.

Next thing you know, you'll be telling me it's like Murder On The Orient Express, and they all did it!

Murder on the Orient Express?

Oh, yeah, one of your best!

-But not yet.

-Marvellous idea though.

Yeah, tell you what, copyright Donna Noble, OK?

Anyway! Agatha and I will question the suspects, Donna, you search the bedrooms.

Look for clues, any more residue. You'll need this.

Is that for real?

Go on, you're ever so plucky.

Right then! Solving a murder mystery with Agatha Christie, brilliant!

How like a man to have fun, while there's disaster all around him.

-Sorry, yeah.

-I'll work with you, gladly.

But for the sake of justice.

Not your own amusement.

Now then, Reverend.

Where were you at a quarter past four?

Let me think.

Why yes, I remember.

I was unpacking in my room...

-No alibi then.

-CHRISTIE: You were alone?

-With the Lord one is never truly alone.

-And where were you?

Let me think... I was...

Oh, yes, I was taking a...

constitutional, in the fields behind the house.

Just taking a stroll, that's all.

Alone?

Oh, yes, all alone.

Totally alone! Absolutely alone.

Completely, all of the time, I wandered lonely as the proverbial

cloud, there was no-one else with me not at all. Not ever!

And where were you?

At a quarter past four? Well, I went to the toilet when I arrived, and then erm...

Oh, yes, I remember.

I was preparing myself, positively buzzing with excitement about the party...

and the super fun of meeting Lady Eddy...

We've only got your word for it.

That's your problem. Not mine.

And where were you, sir?

Quarter past four? Dear me, let me think...

Ah yes, I remember...

I was in me study reading through military memoirs.

Fascinating stuff. Took me back to my days in the army.

Started reminiscing...

Mafeking, you know...

Terrible war.

Colonel, snap out of it!

-I was in my study...

-No no no, right out of it!

-Oh, sorry.

Got a bit carried away there.

And where were you at a quarter past four, my lady?

Now let me see...

Yes, I remember. I was sitting in the Blue Room, taking my afternoon tea.

It's a ritual of mine, I needed to gather strength for the duty of hostess.

I then proceeded to the lawn where I met you, Doctor.

And I said, "And who exactly might you be and what are you doing here?"

And you said, "I'm the Doctor and this is Miss Donna Noble."

Yes, yes, you can stop now, I was there for that bit.

-Of course.

-SHE HICCUPS

-SHE BURPS

-Excuse me.

No alibis for any of them.

The secret adversary remains hidden!

We must look for a motive, use "the little grey cells."

Oh, yes, little grey cells, good old Poirot.

Do you know, I've been to Belgium, yeah.

I remember...

I was deep in the Ardennes, trying to find Charlemagne.

He'd been kidnapped by an insane computer.

-Doctor! Doctor!

-Sorry.

Charlemagne lived centuries ago.

I've got a very good memory.

For such an experienced detective, you missed a big clue.

That bit of paper on the fire?

-You were looking the other way!

-Yeah, but I saw your reflection.

You crafty man, and this is all that was left.

-What's that first letter? N or M?

-It's an M. The word is maiden.

MAIDEN! What does that mean?

We're still no further forward.

Our nemesis remains at large.

Unless Miss Noble's found something.

You won't find anything in there.

-How come it's locked?

-Lady Eddison commands it to be so.

And I "command it" to be otherwise.

Scotland Yard, pip-pip.

Why's it locked in the first place?

Many years ago, when my father was butler to the family,

Lady Eddison returned from India with malaria.

She locked herself in this room for six months until she recovered.

Since then, the room has remained undisturbed.

There's nothing in here.

-How long's it been empty?

-Forty years.

Why would she seal it off?

All right, I need to investigate, you just...

buttle off.

BUZZING >

1926, they've still got bees...

Oh, what a noise! All right, busy bee, I'll let you out. Hold on.

I shall find you with my amazing powers of detection.

DONNA SCREAMS

That's impossible!

Doctor!

Doctor!

SHE SCREAMS AGAIN

It's a giant wasp!

-What d'you mean, a giant wasp?

-I mean a wasp that's giant!

It's only a silly little insect.

When I say giant, I don't mean big! I mean flippin' enormous!

Look at its sting!

Let me see.

It's gone.

Buzzed off.

But that's fascinating...

D-D-D-on't touch it, don't touch it!

Let me...

Giant wasp... well, tons of amorphous insectivorous lifeforms,

but none in this galactic vector.

I think I understood some of those words.

Enough to know that you're completely potty.

Lost its sting though, that makes it defenceless.

Creature this size, got to be able to grow a new one.

Can we return to sanity?

There are no such things as giant wasps!

Exactly. So the question is...

what's it doing here?

A murder! That's put the cat among the pigeons, and no mistake!

It's not the stuff of gossip, Mrs Hart. Continue with your work.

But who'd want to do in the old Professor?

He was always asking questions about that book of his, what was all that about?

A dead man's folly, nothing more.

Though perhaps, if he asked about...

I must go and see my lady.

AR-GG-GH-HH!

THUMP!

The poor

little child...

BUZZING >

There!

Come on!

Hey, this makes a change... there's a monster, and we're chasing IT.

Can't be a monster! It's a trick, they do it with mirrors!

-By all that's holy!

-Oh, but you are wonderful!

Now just stop, stop there...

Oi! Fly boy!

Don't let it get away! Quick, before it reverts back to human form.

Where are you?

Come on, there's nowhere to run! Show yourself!

Oh...

..that's just cheating!

My faithful companion. This is terrible.

Excuse me, my lady, but... She was on her way to tell you something.

She never found me.

She had an appointment with death instead.

She said, "The poor little child." Does that mean anything to anyone?

No children in this house for years.

Highly unlikely there will be.

Mrs Christie, you must have twigged something!

You've written simply the best detective stories.

Tell us, what would Poirot do?

Heaven's sake, cards on the table woman! You should be helping us!

But... I'm merely a writer.

Surely you can crack it.

These events, they're exactly like one of your plots.

That's what I've been saying! Agatha, that's gotta mean something.

But what? I've no answers. None.

I'm sorry, all of you, I'm truly sorry.

But I've failed.

If anyone can help us, then it's the Doctor, not me.

Do you know what I think?

Those books of yours, one day, they could turn them into films!

They could be talking pictures!

Talking pictures? Pictures that talk?

-What do you mean?

-Oh, blimey, I've done it again.

-I appreciate you trying to be kind.

But you're right,

these murders are like my own creations.

It's as though someone's mocking me.

-And I've had enough scorn for one lifetime.

-Yeah...

Thing is,

I had this bloke once, I was engaged, and I loved him, I really did.

Turns out, he was lying through his teeth. But d'you know what?

I moved on.

I was lucky, I found the Doctor.

It's changed my life.

There's always someone else.

I see. Is my marriage the stuff of gossip, now?

No, I just...

Sorry.

No matter.

The stories are true. I found my husband with another woman.

A younger, prettier woman. Isn't it always the way?

Well, mine was with a Giant Spider, but same difference.

You and the Doctor talk such wonderful nonsense.

Agatha, people love your books, they really do.

They're gonna be reading them for years to come.

If only. Try as I might, it's hardly great literature.

Now that's beyond me.

I'm afraid my books will be forgotten, like ephemera.

Hello, what's that?

Those flower beds were perfectly neat earlier.

Now some of the stalks are bent over.

There you go! Who'd ever notice that? You're brilliant!

Oh, someone came here tooled up.

The sort of stuff a thief would use.

The Unicorn? He's here!

The Unicorn and the wasp...

Your drinks, ladies. Doctor.

Very good, Greeves.

How about the science stuff? What did you find?

Vespiform sting.

Vespiforms have got hives in the Silfrax galaxy.

Again, you talk like Edward Lear.

But for some reason, this one's behaving like a character in one of your books.

Come on, Agatha, what would Miss Marple do?

She'd have overheard something vital because the murderer thinks she's a harmless old lady.

Clever idea.

Miss Marple? Who writes those?

-Um... Copyright Donna Noble, add it to the list.

-Donna...

OK, we could split the copyright.

No. Something's inhibiting my enzymes.

Ah! I've been poisoned!

What do we do?

-What do we do?!

-Bitter almonds!

It's cyanide! Sparkling cyanide!

-Ginger beer!

-I beg your pardon?

-I need ginger beer!

The gentleman's gone mad!

I'm an expert in poisons, Doctor.

There's no cure! It's fatal!

Not for me! I can stimulate the inhibited enzymes into reversal...

Protein! I need protein!

-Walnuts?

-Brilliant!

I can't understand you! How many words? One! One word!

Shake, milk shake, milk?

Milk? No, not milk? Um! Shake shake shake... Cocktail shaker!

-What do you want, a Harvey Wallbanger?

-Harvey Wallbanger?!

-Well, I don't know!

-How is Harvey Wallbanger one word?!

What do you need, Doctor?!

Salt, I was miming salt! Salt! I need something salty!

What about this?

-What is it?

-Salt!

-That's too salty!

-Oh, that's too salty!

-What about this?!

-What's that?

-Anchovies!

What is it? What else?

Um. It's a song? Mammy?

I don't know, Camptown Races?

Camptown Races?

All right then, Towering Inferno!

It's a shock! Look! Shock! I need a shock!

Right then, big shock coming up.

Detox!

I must do that more often!

I mean the detox.

Doctor, you are impossible! Who are you?

THUNDER CLAP

A terrible day for all of us.

The Professor struck down. Miss Chandrakala, cruelly taken from us.

And yet, we still take dinner.

We are British, Doctor.

What else must we do?

Then, someone tried to poison me.

Any one of you had the chance to put cyanide in my drink.

But it rather gave me an idea.

And what would that be?

Well.

Poison. Drink up!

I've laced the soup with pepper.

Ah, I thought it was jolly spicy.

But the active ingredient of pepper is piperine.

Traditionally used as an insecticide.

So... Anyone got the shivers?

THUNDERCLAP

What the deuce is that?!

Listen! Listen!

BUZZING

No, it can't be...

BUZZING CONTINUES

Show yourself, demon!

No, don't... stay where you are!

Out, out, out!

Not you, Agatha. You've got a long life to lead yet.

Well, we know the butler didn't do it!

Then who did?

My jewellery. The Firestone, it's gone!

-Stolen!

-Roger.

A-A-RR-GGH-HH!

-My son. My child!

-SHE WEEPS

THUNDER CONTINUES

That poor footman. Roger's dead and he can't even mourn him.

1926, it's more like the Dark Ages.

Did you enquire after the necklace?

Lady Eddison brought it back from India. It's worth thousands.

This thing can sting, it can fly,

it could wipe us all out in seconds. Why's it playing this game?

Every murder is essentially the same.

They are committed because somebody wants something.

-But what does a Vespiform want?

-Doctor, stop it.

The murderer is as human as you or I.

You're right... I've been so caught up with Giant Wasps, I've forgotten.

-You're the expert!

-I'm not, I've told you.

I'm just a purveyor of nonsense.

No, no, no, cos plenty of people write detective stories, but yours are the best, and why?

Why are you so good, Agatha Christie?

Because you understand!

You've lived,

you've fought, you've had your heart broken.

You know about people,

their passions, their hope and despair and anger, all of those

tiny, huge things that can turn the most ordinary person into a killer.

Just think, Agatha!

If anyone can solve this,

it's you!

THUNDERCLAP

I've called you here, on this endless night,

because we have a murderer in our midst. And when it comes to detection, there's none finer.

Ladies and gentlemen. I give you...

Agatha Christie.

This is a crooked house.

A house of secrets.

To understand the solution we must examine them all.

Starting with you,

Miss Redmond.

But I'm innocent, surely?

You've never met these people.

And these people had never met you!

I think the real Robina Redmond never left London. You're impersonating her!

How silly! What proof do you have?

You said you'd been to the toilet.

Oh, I know this! If she was really posh, she'd say loo.

Earlier today, Miss Noble and I found this on the lawn.

Right beneath your bathroom window.

You heard Miss Noble was searching the bedrooms and panicked.

You ran upstairs and disposed of the evidence...

I've never seen that thing before in my life!

-What's inside it?

-The tools of your trade, Miss Redmond.

Or should I say...

the Unicorn!

You came to this house with one sole intention.

To steal the Firestone!

Oh, all right then. It's a fair cop.

Yes, I'm the bleedin' Unicorn!

Ever so nice to meet ya, I don't fink. I took my chance in the dark, and nabbed it.

Well, go on then, you knobs.

Arrest me, sling me in jail!

-So is she the murderer?

-Don't be so thick!

-I might be a thief, but I ain't no killer.

-Quite.

There are darker motives at work.

And in examining this household, we come to you,

Colonel!

Damn it, woman!

You with your perspicacity!

You've rumbled me!

Hugh! You can walk! But why?!

My darling, how else could I be certain of keeping you by my side?

-I don't understand.

-You're still a beautiful woman, Clemency.

Sooner or later some chap will turn your head.

I couldn't bear that.

Staying in the chair was the only way I could be certain of keeping you.

Confound it, Mrs Christie, how did you discover the truth?

Um. Actually, I had no idea.

-I was just going to say you're completely innocent.

-Oh!

Sorry.

-Shall I sit down then?

-I think you better had.

So he's not the murderer?

Indeed not. To find the truth,

let's return to this.

Far more than the Unicorn's object of desire.

The Firestone has quite a history.

-Lady Eddison...

-I've done nothing!

You brought it back from India, did you not?

Before you met the Colonel.

You came home with malaria, and confined yourself to this

house for six months, in a room that has been kept locked ever since. Which I rather think means...

-Stop. Please.

-I'm so sorry.

But you had fallen pregnant in India.

Unmarried and ashamed, you hurried back to England with your confidante, a young maid,

later to become housekeeper. Miss Chandrakala.

Clemency, is this true?

My poor baby.

I had to give him away.

-The shame of it.

-But you've never said a word...

I had no choice. Imagine the scandal.

The family name!

I'm British, I carry on!

And it was no ordinary pregnancy.

How can you know that?

Scuse me, Agatha, this is my territory.

But when you heard that buzzing sound in the dining room, you said, "It can't be."

Why did you say that?

You'd never believe it.

The Doctor has opened my mind to believe many things.

It was forty years ago in the heat of Delhi, late one night...

I was alone. And that's when I saw it...

A dazzling light in the sky.

The next day, he came to the house...

Christopher. The most handsome man I'd ever seen.

Our love blazed like a wildfire.

I held nothing back.

And in return he showed me the incredible truth about himself...

He'd made himself human, to learn about us. This was his true shape.

I loved him so much, it didn't matter.

But he was stolen from me.

1885, the year of the great monsoon.

The River Jumna rose up and broke its banks.

He was taken at the flood.

But Christopher left me a gift, a jewel like no other.

I wore it always. Part of me never forgot.

I kept it close.

Always.

Just like a man, flashes his family jewels, and you end up with a bun in the oven!

A "poor little child."

Forty years ago, Miss Chandrakala took that newborn babe to an orphanage.

But Professor Peach worked it out.

He found the birth certificate.

Oh, that's Maiden... maiden name!

-Precisely.

-So she killed him?

-I did not!

-Miss Chandrakala feared that the Professor had unearthed your secret.

She was coming to warn you.

-So she killed her?

-I did not!

-Lady Eddison

is innocent.

Because at this point... Doctor.

Thank you. At this point, when we consider the lies and the secrets,

and the key to these events, then we have to consider...

It was you, Donna Noble!

-What?! Who did I kill?!

-No, but you said it, all along, the vital clue...

That this whole thing is being acted out like a murder mystery.

Which means...

It was you, Agatha Christie!

-I beg your pardon, sir!

-So she killed them?

No, but she wrote! She wrote those brilliant, clever books! And who's her greatest admirer?

The moving finger points...

At you, Lady Eddison!

-Leave me alone!

-So she did kill them?

No! But just think...

Last Thursday night, what were you doing?

I was... I was in the library...

I was reading my favourite Agatha Christie, thinking about her plots, and how clever she must be.

-How is that relevant?

-Just think.

What else happened on Thursday night?

I'm sorry?

You said, on the lawn, this afternoon. Last Thursday night, those boys broke into your church.

That's correct,

they did...

I discovered the two of them.

Thieves in the night, I was most perturbed...

What the blazes are you doing boys?

But I apprehended them.

Really? A man of God, against two strong lads? A man in his forties?

Or should I say, forty years old, exactly?

Oh, my God..!

Lady Eddison. Your child,

how old would he be now?

Forty. He's forty!

Your child has come home.

This is poppycock!

Oh? You said you were taught by the Christian Fathers. Meaning, raised in an orphanage!

My son... Can it be?

You found those thieves, Reverend.

And you got angry! A proper, deep anger, for the first time in your life, and it broke the genetic lock!

You've changed!

Put tho-z-z-ze thing-z-z-z

back where you found them. ZZ-zz-z-zz-z-zz-zz...

You realised your inheritance!

After all those years,

you knew who you were.

Oh, and then it all kicks off.

Cos this isn't just a jewel, it's a Vespiform Telepathic Recorder!

It's part of you, your brain, your very essence.

And when you activated...

so did the Firestone! It beamed your full identity directly into your mind, and at the same time...

It absorbed the works of Agatha Christie, directly from Lady Eddison.

It all became part of you!

The mechanics of those novels formed a template in your brain!

You've killed, in this pattern, because that's what you think the world is!

Turns out we are in the middle of a murder mystery!

One of yours, Dame Agatha!

Dame?

-Oh, sorry, not yet.

-So he killed them, yes? Definitely?

Yes.

Well...

This has certainly been an entertaining evening.

Really, you can't believe any of this surely, Lady Eddiz-z-z-z-on?

Lady who?

Lady Eddiz-z-z-z-on.

-Little bit of buzzing there, Vicar.

-Don't make me angry!

Why, what happens then?

Damn it, you humanz-z-z-z-z-z-z!

Worshipping your tribal sky godz-z-z-z!

I am so much more! That night...

the universe exploded in my mind!

I wanted to take what waz-z-z mine.

And you,

Agatha Christie, with your railway station bookstall romancez-z-z...

What'z-z-z- to stop me killing you?

Oh, my dear God, my child!

What'z-z-z to stop me killing you all?

Forgive me!

No, no Clemency, come back! Keep away, keep away my darling!

No! No more murder!

If my imagination made you kill, then my imagination will find a way to stop you, foul creature!

Great! Now it's chasing us!

TOOTS HORN

Over here! Come and get me, Reverend!

-Agatha, what are you doing?

-If I started this, Doctor, then I must stop it!

Come on!

It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault!

You said this is the night Agatha Christie loses her memory.

Time is in flux, Donna!

This could be the night Agatha Christie loses her life

-and history gets changed!

-Where's she going?

The lake! She's heading for the lake. What's she doing?

Here I am! The honey in the trap!

-Come to me, Vespiform...

-She's controlling it.

Its mind is based on her thought processes, they're linked.

Quite so, Doctor! If I die, then this creature might die with me.

Don't hurt her! You're not meant to be like this,

-you've got the wrong template in your mind.

-It's not listening.

How do you kill a wasp?

Drown it. Just like his father.

Donna, that thing couldn't help itself.

Neither could I.

Death comes as the end. And justice is served.

Murder at the Vicar's Rage.

Needs a bit of work.

Just one mystery left, Doctor.

Who exactly are you?

Ar-gh-hh!

Oh, it's the Firestone, it's part of the Vespiform's mind! It's dying, and it's connected to Agatha.

It let her go.

Right at the end, the Vespiform chose to save someone's life.

Is she all right, though?

Oh, of course. The amnesia!

Wiped her mind of everything - the wasp, the murders...

And us.

-She'll forget about us.

-Yeah but we've solved another riddle. The Mystery of Agatha Christie.

And tomorrow morning, her car gets found by the side of a lake.

A few days later she turns up in a hotel in Harrogate with no idea of what just happened.

No-one'll ever know.

Lady Eddison, and the Colonel and all the staff, what about them?

A shameful story. They'd never talk of it. Too British.

While the Unicorn does a bunk, back to London town.

She could never even say she was there.

-But what happens to Agatha?

-Oh, great life!

Met another man, married again, saw the world, wrote and wrote and wrote.

She never thought her books were any good, though.

And she must've spent all those years wondering...

Thing is, I don't think she ever quite forgot.

A great mind like that! Some of the details kept bleeding through,

all the stuff her imagination could use.

-Like Miss Marple!

-I should've made her sign a contract.

And where is it, where is it?

Hold on...

Here we go.

C...

..that is C for Cybermen,

C for Carrionites...

And...

Christie, Agatha! Look at that.

She did remember.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, it all lingered.

And that's not all.

Look at the copyright page.

Facsimile edition... published in the year..

-5 billion!

-People never stop reading them.

She is the best selling novelist of all time.

-But she never knew.

-Well, no-one knows how they're going to be remembered.

All you can do is hope for the best. Maybe that's what kept her writing.

Same thing keeps me travelling.

Onwards?

Onwards!

This is the biggest library in the universe. So where is everyone?

-Run, for God's sake run.

-Run!

Professor River Song, archaeologist.

The shadows are moving again.

-How could a shadow be infected?

-It's Vashta Nerada.

Run!

Something came to this library and killed everything in it. Donna?

Yeah?

Stay out of the shadows.

SCREAMS

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

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