The Lodger Doctor Who


The Lodger

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No, Amy, it's definitely not the fifth moon of Sinda Callista.

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I think I can see a Ryman's.

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Amy! Amy!

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Argh!

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Doctor!

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It's saying we're on Earth!

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Essex, Colchester.

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Doctor?!

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It's taking off again.

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Doctor, can you hear me?

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Amy!

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Amy...

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-MAN'S VOICE:

-'Hello? Hello, please? Hello?'

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'I need your help. There's been an accident.'

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'Please, help me.'

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BUZZER

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Hello?

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Please, will you help me?

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Help you?

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What's wrong?

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Something terrible's happened.

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Please help me.

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Craig, what's that on the ceiling?

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-What's what on the ceiling?

-That!

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It's coming from upstairs.

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Who lives up there again?

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Just some bloke.

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So what's the plan tonight? Pizza, booze, telly?

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Yeah, pizza, booze, telly.

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-THUMPING AND BANGING

-What is he doing up there?

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-You put the advert up yet?

-Yeah, did it today, paper shop window.

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"One furnished room available immediately, shared kitchen,

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"bathroom, with 27-year-old male, non smoker, £400 pcm - per calendar month - suit young professional."

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Mmm, sounds ideal. That's your mission in life, Craig.

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-Find me a man!

-Yeah, otherwise you'll have to settle for me.

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You'll have to settle for me first.

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-PHONE BEEPING

-Oh, Melina again. What?

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..Right.

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..Yeah, but I've kind of got plans.

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-..No, it's nothing important, it's just Craig.

-Oh, thanks, Soph(!)

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Sorry, you know what I mean!

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..OK. I'll talk to Craig, OK.

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Now she's having a Dylan crisis on top of the Clare crisis. It could be another all-nighter.

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I'm sorry, but I really should go.

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Do you mind if I go?

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No, not at all. No, honestly, course not, go.

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-Cos I could stay.

-No, go on.

-I mean, we've got plans.

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Just pizza.

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Yeah, it's just pizza.

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OK! Right, I'm going.

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-All right, then. Well, um, I'll see you soon.

-Yeah.

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All right, and give me a call, I hope everything's OK.

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Thanks, sorry.

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THUMPING AND CRASHING

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Just tell her.

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Just tell her. "I love you."

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"I love you." Oh, jus..

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"Hey, I don't know if you knew..."

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Oh!

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Every time!

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I love you. I love you.

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I love you.

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I love you!

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I love you!

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Well, that's good, cos I'm your new lodger. Do you know,

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this is going to be easier than I expected!

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But I only just put the advert up today, I didn't put my address.

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Well, aren't you lucky I came along? More lucky than you know.

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Less of a young professional, more of an ancient amateur,

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but frankly I'm an absolute dream.

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Hang on, mate, I don't know if I want you staying, and give me back those keys, you can't have those!

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Yes, quite right. Have some rent.

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That's probably quite a lot, isn't it? Looks like a lot.

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Is it a lot? I can never tell.

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Don't spend it all on sweets. Unless you like sweets. I like sweets. Ooh.

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That's how we greet each other nowadays, isn't it? I'm the Doctor.

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Well, they call me the Doctor, I don't know why.

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I call me the Doctor too. Still don't know why.

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-Craig Owens. The Doctor?

-Yep.

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-Who lives upstairs?

-Just some bloke.

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What does he look like?

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Normal. He's very quiet.

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-LOUD BANG

-Usually.

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Sorry, who are you again?

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Hello?! Excuse me?

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Ah! I suppose that's...dry rot?

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-Or damp. Or mildew.

-Or none of the above.

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-I'll get someone to fix it.

-No, I'll fix it.

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I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister.

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No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister.

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This is the most beautiful parlour I have ever seen, you're obviously a man of impeccable taste.

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I can stay, Craig, can't I? Say I can.

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-You haven't even seen the room.

-The room?

-Your room.

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My room? Oh, yes, my room, my room.

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Take me to my room!

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Yeah, this is Mark's old room, he owns the place, moved out about a month ago.

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An uncle he'd never even heard of died and left a load of money.

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How very convenient.

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This'll do just right. In fact...

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BANGING AND GLASS BREAKING

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No time to lose. I'll take it.

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Ah...you'll want to see my credentials.

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There... National Insurance number...

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NHS number...

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-References....

-Is that a reference from the Archbishop of Canterbury?

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I'm his special favourite.

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Are you hungry? I'm hungry.

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I haven't got anything in.

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You've got everything I need for an omelette fines herbes! Pour deux!

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So who's the girl on the fridge?

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My friend. Sophie.

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-Girlfriend?

-A friend who is a girl. There's nothing going on.

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Ah, that's completely normal. Works for me.

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We met at work about a year ago at the call centre.

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Oh, really, a communications exchange? That could be handy.

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Firm's going down though. The bosses are using a totally rubbish business model.

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I know what they should do, I got a plan all worked out,

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but I'm just a phone drone, I can't go running in saying I know best.

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Why am I telling you this? I don't even know you.

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I've got one of those faces. People never stop blurting out their plans while I'm around.

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Right, where's your stuff?

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Don't worry, it'll materialise, if all goes to plan.

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Oh, which one, which one?! No!

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Why won't you land?!

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Oh, that was incredible!

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That was absolutely brilliant.

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Where did you learn to cook?

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Paris, in the 18th century. No, hang on,

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that's not recent, is it? 17th?

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No, no, no, 20th. Sorry, I'm not used to doing them in the right order.

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Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?

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They never really stop. Ever been to Paris, Craig?

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Nah, I can't see the point of Paris.

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-I'm not much of a traveller.

-I can tell from your sofa.

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-My sofa?

-You're starting to look like it.

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Thanks, mate, that's lovely!

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No, I like it here.

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I'd miss it, I'd miss...

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-Those keys?

-What?

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You're sort of...

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..fondling them.

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-I'm holding them.

-Right.

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Anyway...

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these...

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these are your keys.

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-I can stay?

-Yeah, you're weird and you can cook, it's good enough for me.

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Right, outdoor, front door,

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-your door.

-My door. My place. My gaff. Ha-ha! Yes!

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Me with a key.

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And listen, Mark and I, we had an arrangement where

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if you ever need me out of your hair, just give me a shout, OK?

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Why would I want that?

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In case you want to bring someone round. A girlfriend or...

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a boyfriend?

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Oh, I will. I'll shout if that happens.

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Yes. Something like...

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I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS!

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By the way, that...

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the rot.

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I've got the strangest feeling we shouldn't touch it.

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Earth to Pond, Earth to Pond.

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Come in, Pond.

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Doctor!

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-Oooh. Sorry!

-Could you not wreck my new earpiece, Pond?

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No, I mean, he seems a laugh.

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He's a bit weird, good weird, you know?

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-'And he just happens to have three grand on him in a paper bag?'

-Yeah.

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Wait, wait. "The Doctor"?!

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'Craig, what if he's a dealer?!'

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'Hello. Stop, please.'

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'Can you hear me? I need your help.'

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How's the TARDIS coping?

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See for yourself.

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Ooh, nasty. She's locked in a materialisation loop, trying to land again but she can't.

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And whatever's stopping her is upstairs in that flat.

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So go upstairs and sort it!

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'Please. My little girl's hurt.'

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I don't know what it is yet!

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Anything that can stop the TARDIS from landing is big, scary big!

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Wait...aren't you scared?

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I'm so sorry, but will you help me? Please.

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Help you?

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'A bow tie, are you serious?!'

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Hang on a sec.

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What? Craig, Craig?

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-THE DOCTOR:

-..Orange juice, eocenes Arbuckle, rare tarantula on the table, ooh! >

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I can't go up there until I know what it is and how to deal with it!

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It is vital that this "man" upstairs doesn't realise who and what I am.

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So no sonicking.

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No advanced technology. I can only use this cos we're on scramble.

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To anyone else hearing this conversation, we're talking absolute gibberish.

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Practical eruption in chicken. >

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Descartes Lombardy spiral. >

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All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being.

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Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

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-'Have you seen you?'

-So you're just going to be snide? No helpful hints?

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Hmm, well, here's one... bow tie, get rid!

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Bow ties are cool.

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Come on, Amy, I'm a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do.

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They watch telly, they play football, they go down the pub.

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I could do those things! I don't, but I could!

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-CRASHING

-Hang on. Wait, wait, wait! Amy?!

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SHE SCREAMS

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Interesting.

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Localised time loop.

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-Ow! What's all that?

-Time distortion.

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Whatever's happening upstairs, is still affecting you.

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AMY SCREAMS

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MORE SCREAMING

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It's stopped...ish!

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-'How about your end?'

-My end's good.

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'So, doesn't sound great, but nothing to worry about?'

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No, no, no, not really! Just keep the zigzag plotter on full, that'll protect you.

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Ah!

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-Amy, I said the zigzag plotter!

-I pulled the zigzag plotter!

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-What, you're standing with the door behind you?

-Yes!

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OK, take two steps to your right and pull it again!

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-Oh.

-Now, I must not use the sonic.

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-I've got work to do, need to pick up a few items.

-Hey!

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-CAT MIAOWING

-Ssh!

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Don't get comfortable!

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THE DOCTOR SINGING

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-Doctor!

-Hello?!

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How long are you going to be in there?

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Oh, sorry, I like a good soak!

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LOUD THUMPING

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-What the hell was that?

-What did you say?

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I'm just going to go upstairs, see if he's OK.

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Sorry?

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What did you say?

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Yes? Hello?

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Craig?

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Ow!

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It's me from downstairs. I heard a big bang.

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No choice...it's sonicking time.

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Thank you, Craig, but I don't need your help.

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Oops!

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-What happened, what's going on?

-Is that my toothbrush?

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-Correct. You spoke to the man upstairs?

-Yeah.

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-What did he look like?

-More normal than you do at the moment.

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-What are you doing?

-I thought you might be in trouble.

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Thanks(!) Well if I ever am, you can come and save me with my toothbrush.

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PHONE RINGS

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-Ooh! Hello?

-Ah!

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Hello! The Doctor.

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-Right.

-You must be Sophie.

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Mm-hm.

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Oh...oh!

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No, Dom's in Malta, there's nobody around. Hang on a sec.

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We've got a match today, pub league, we're one down if you fancy it?

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Pub league? A drinking competition?

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-No...football...play football?

-Football. Football!

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Yes, blokes play football! I'm good at football, I think.

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You've saved my life! I've got somebody.

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All right, see you down there.

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-Hey, Soph.

-Hey, I thought I'd come early and meet your new flatmate.

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Do you play, Sophie?

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No, Soph just stands on the sidelines, she's my mascot.

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I'm your mascot? Mascot?!

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Well, not my mascot, it's a football match, I can't take a date.

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-I didn't say I was your date.

-Neither did I.

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Better get dressed.

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-Oh, the spare kit's just in the bottom drawer.

-Bit of a mess.

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-What d'you think?

-You didn't say he was gorgeous!

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You unlocked the door. How did you do that? Those are your keys,

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you must have left them last time you came here.

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Yeah, but I... How do you know these are my keys?

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-I've been holding them!

-I have got another set.

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-You've got two sets of keys to someone else's house?

-Yeah.

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I see!

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You must like it here too.

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So I'm going out, if I hang about the house all the time, him upstairs might get suspicious, notice me.

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Football, OK, well done, that is normal.

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'Yeah, football, all outdoorsy.'

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Now, football's the one with the sticks, isn't it?

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-What are you actually called, what's your proper name?

-Just call me the Doctor.

-Yeah.

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I can't say to these guys, "Hey, this is my new flatmate, he's called the Doctor."

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-Why not?

-Cos it's weird.

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All right, Craig. Soph. All right, mate.

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Hello, I'm Craig's new flatmate.

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-I'm called the Doctor.

-All right, Doctor. I'm Sean.

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-Where are you strongest?

-Arms.

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No, he means, what position? On the field?

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Not sure. The front? The side?

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-Below?

-Are you any good though?

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Let's find out!

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That's not bad.

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Yes. Go!

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One two, one two!

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Go on, Doctor, go on, Doctor!

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CHEERING

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You're brilliant, you're amazing!

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Come on, Craig, show them what you've got!

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I love this game!

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CHANTING: Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor!

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-CHILD'S VOICE:

-'Please can you help me?

0:19:380:19:41

'Can you help me, please?'

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'Can you help me?'

0:19:470:19:49

Hello?

0:19:510:19:53

I've lost my mum, I don't know where she is. Please can you help me?

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Help you?

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You poor thing, what's happened?

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Can you help me find her?

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You are so on the team! Next week we've got the Crown and Anchor, we'll annihilate them!

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No violence, not while I'm around,

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not today, not ever. I'm the Doctor, the oncoming storm...

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and you meant beat them in a football match, didn't you?

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-Yeah.

-Lovely, what sort of time?

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THEY LAUGH

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SHE SCREAMS

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Amy? Amy?

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-It's happening again! Worse!

-What does the scanner say?

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A lot of nines. Is it good that they're nines? Tell me it's good that they're all nines!

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Yes, yes, it's...it's good! Zigzag plotter, zigzag plotter, Amy.

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Argh!

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Amy? Are you there?

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-'Amy?'

-Yes, hello.

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Ah, thank heavens. I thought the TARDIS had been flung off

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into the vortex with you inside it, lost forever.

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-You mean that could actually happen!? You have got to get me out of here.

-How are the numbers?

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All fives.

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Fives?

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Even better.

0:21:430:21:45

'Still, it means the effect's almost unbelievably powerful and dangerous, but don't worry.'

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Hang on, OK?

0:21:490:21:51

-'I've got some rewiring to do.'

-Hey! You..."hang on"!

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Hello, flatmate.

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Hey, man.

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Listen, Sophie's coming round tonight and I was wondering if you could give us some space?

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Oh, don't mind me. You won't even know I'm here.

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DISTANT EXPLOSION

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That's the idea.

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< Yes, perfect! What a beauty!

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-That's got bigger.

-Oh, yeah.

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Are we going out?

0:22:340:22:36

I've had a bit of a weird day, can we do pizza-booze-telly?

0:22:360:22:40

Great, love it! Wait.

0:22:400:22:41

No Melina, no crises, no interruptions.

0:22:410:22:45

Great. Excellent.

0:22:450:22:48

Um, Soph...

0:22:490:22:51

I've...

0:22:520:22:54

I think...

0:22:580:23:00

Where's this going?

0:23:010:23:04

I think that we...

0:23:050:23:07

..should...

0:23:100:23:11

Mm?

0:23:130:23:15

-Hello.

-What?

0:23:150:23:16

-Whoops, sorry, don't worry, I wasn't listening, in a world of my own down there.

-I thought you were going out?

0:23:160:23:22

Just re-connecting all the electrics, it's a real mess. Where's the on-switch for this?

0:23:220:23:27

-He really is on his way out.

-No, I don't mind, if you don't mind.

0:23:270:23:31

-I don't mind, why would I mind?

-Then stay, have a drink with us.

0:23:310:23:35

-What, do I have to stay now?

-Do you want to stay?

-I don't mind.

0:23:350:23:40

-OK!

-Great!

0:23:400:23:42

Cos life can seem pointless, Doctor.

0:23:420:23:44

Work, weekend, work, weekend. And there's six billion people on the planet doing pretty much the same.

0:23:440:23:50

Six billion people? Watching you two at work, I'm starting to wonder where they all come from.

0:23:500:23:53

-What? What do you mean by that?

-So, the call centre. That's no good?

0:23:530:23:57

What do you really want to do?

0:23:570:23:59

Don't laugh. I only ever told Craig about it.

0:23:590:24:02

I want to work looking after animals.

0:24:020:24:05

Maybe abroad? I saw this orang-utan sanctuary on telly.

0:24:050:24:10

-What's stopping you?

-She can't, you need loads of qualifications.

0:24:100:24:14

Yeah, true. Plus it's scary, everyone I know lives round here.

0:24:140:24:18

Craig got offered a job in London, better money, didn't take it.

0:24:180:24:22

What's wrong with staying here? I can't see the point of London.

0:24:220:24:25

Perhaps you'll just have to stay here,

0:24:250:24:28

secure and a little bit miserable until the day you drop.

0:24:280:24:31

Better than trying and failing, eh?

0:24:310:24:33

-You think I'd fail?

-Everybody's got dreams, Sophie,

0:24:330:24:35

very few are going to achieve them, so why pretend?

0:24:350:24:39

Perhaps, in the whole universe, a call centre is where you should be?

0:24:400:24:44

-Why are you saying that? That's horrible.

-Is it true?

0:24:440:24:47

Of course it's not true. I'm not staying in a call centre all my life, I can do anything I want!

0:24:470:24:53

Oh! Yeah! Right!

0:24:530:24:56

Oh, my God! Did you see what he just did?

0:24:560:24:59

No, what's happening? Are you going to live with monkeys now?

0:24:590:25:02

It's a big old world, Sophie.

0:25:020:25:04

Work out what's really keeping you here, eh?

0:25:040:25:07

I don't know.

0:25:070:25:09

Dunno.

0:25:090:25:11

So, are you going to be taking off then, seeing the world?

0:25:180:25:21

What? Do you think I should?

0:25:210:25:23

Yeah...

0:25:230:25:26

Like the Doctor says, what's keeping you here?

0:25:260:25:29

Yeah, exactly! What?

0:25:290:25:31

-Bye.

-See you.

0:25:330:25:36

-See you in a bit.

-Yeah.

0:25:410:25:43

Right. Shield's up.

0:25:520:25:54

Let's scan!

0:25:540:25:55

'What are you getting?'

0:25:570:25:59

Upstairs. No traces of high technology.

0:25:590:26:02

Totally normal.

0:26:020:26:04

No no, no, no, it can't be!

0:26:040:26:06

It's too normal.

0:26:060:26:07

Only for you could too normal be a problem.

0:26:070:26:10

You said I could be lost forever. Just go upstairs.

0:26:100:26:12

Without knowing, get myself killed, then you really are lost.

0:26:120:26:16

If I could just get a look in there...

0:26:160:26:19

Hold on.

0:26:190:26:20

Use the data bank, get me the plans of this building - its history, the layout, everything.

0:26:200:26:25

Meanwhile, I shall recruit a spy.

0:26:250:26:28

The Rotmeister...

0:26:510:26:53

Ahh!

0:26:540:26:55

Ow!

0:26:550:26:57

Craig!

0:27:020:27:04

Craig? Breakfast, it's normal.

0:27:050:27:09

Craig?

0:27:090:27:10

Craig!

0:27:130:27:14

Craig, I told you not to touch it! What's that?

0:27:160:27:19

An unfamiliar and obviously poisonous substance.

0:27:190:27:22

"Oh, I know what would be really clever, I'll stick my hand in it!"

0:27:220:27:25

Come on, Craig, breathe.

0:27:250:27:27

Come on, Craig, breathe! Thems are healthy footballer's lungs!

0:27:290:27:32

Right. Reverse the enzyme decay.

0:27:330:27:35

Excite the tannin molecules.

0:27:350:27:38

-I've got to go to work.

-On no account. You need rest.

0:27:490:27:52

One more.

0:27:520:27:54

-It's the planning meeting, it's important.

-You're important.

0:28:000:28:04

You're going to be fine, Craig.

0:28:050:28:08

What!

0:28:230:28:25

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

0:28:250:28:28

Oh, afternoon.

0:28:410:28:42

I'm so sorry, Michael, I don't know what happened, I've got no excuse.

0:28:420:28:46

I think that's not what my screen is telling me, Mr Lang.

0:28:460:28:49

What's he doing here? What are you doing here?

0:28:490:28:52

If that's your attitude, Mr Lang, please take your custom elsewhere.

0:28:520:28:56

No, no, no, that's one of my best clients!

0:28:560:28:59

Craig, how are you feeling? Had some time to kill, I was curious, never worked in an office.

0:28:590:29:02

-Never worked in anywhere.

-You're insane!

0:29:020:29:05

Leave off the Doctor, I love the Doctor.

0:29:050:29:07

He was brilliant in the planning meeting.

0:29:070:29:09

You went to the planning meeting?

0:29:090:29:11

I was your representative. We don't need Mr Lang any more. Rude Mr Lang.

0:29:110:29:15

-Here you go, and I found some custard creams!

-Sophie, my hero.

0:29:150:29:18

Hi. I went on the web, applied for a wildlife charity thing.

0:29:180:29:21

They said I could always start as a volunteer straight away.

0:29:210:29:24

-Should I do it?

-Yeah, great, yeah, good, go for it.

0:29:240:29:27

You look awful. About turn! Bed. Now.

0:29:270:29:29

Who next? Oh, yes.

0:29:290:29:31

Hello, Mr Joergensen. Can you hold? I have to eat a biscuit.

0:29:330:29:39

What the hell?

0:29:560:29:58

CAT MIAOWS

0:30:000:30:03

Have you been upstairs?

0:30:030:30:05

Yes?

0:30:050:30:07

THROATY MIAOW

0:30:070:30:09

You can do it. Show me what's up there? What's behind that door? >

0:30:110:30:15

Try to show me. Ohh, that doesn't make sense! >

0:30:150:30:18

Ever see anyone go up there? Lots of people? Good good. >

0:30:180:30:21

What kind of people? People who never come back down. That's very bad.

0:30:210:30:25

-Oh, hello.

-I can't take this any more. I want you to go!

0:30:300:30:34

-You can have this back an' all.

-What have I done?

0:30:360:30:39

-For a start, talking to a cat.

-Lots of people talk to cats.

0:30:390:30:42

Everybody loves you, you're better at football than me, and my job,

0:30:420:30:45

and now Sophie's all "Oh, monkeys, monkeys!" and then...there's that!

0:30:450:30:50

It's art! A statement on modern society, "Ooh, ain't modern society awful?"

0:30:500:30:55

You've been here three days, the three weirdest days of my life.

0:30:550:30:59

-Your days will get a lot weirder if I go!

-I can't do this any more!

0:30:590:31:02

I can't leave this place. I'm like you, I can't see the point of anywhere else.

0:31:020:31:06

Madrid, hah, what a dump! I have to stay.

0:31:060:31:08

-No, you don't, you have to leave!

-I can't go!

-Just get out!

0:31:080:31:11

Right! Only way! I'm going to show you something,

0:31:110:31:14

but ssh, really, ssh!

0:31:140:31:15

Oh, I am going to regret this. OK, right...

0:31:150:31:18

-First, general background!

-Yargh!

0:31:180:31:21

Ohhh!

0:31:240:31:26

Ow!

0:31:260:31:28

-You're a...

-Yes.

0:31:280:31:30

-From...

-Ssh.

-You've got a TARDIS!

-Yes. Ssh!

0:31:300:31:34

Eleventh!

0:31:340:31:35

Right... OK, specific detail!

0:31:350:31:37

BOTH: Argh!!

0:31:370:31:39

Amy! Amy!

0:31:410:31:43

You saw my ad in the paper shop window.

0:31:460:31:48

Yes, with this right above it. Which is odd, because Amy hasn't written it yet.

0:31:480:31:52

Time travel, it CAN happen.

0:31:520:31:54

That's a scanner! You used non-technological technology of Lammasteen.

0:31:540:32:00

Shut up!

0:32:000:32:02

Please can you help me?

0:32:120:32:14

Hi.

0:32:150:32:16

-Please. Will you help me?

-What's the matter, my love?

0:32:160:32:21

Help you?

0:32:210:32:24

Aaargh!

0:32:280:32:29

-I am never, ever doing that ever ever again... Amy!

-That's Amy Pond!

0:32:290:32:36

Oh, of course, you can understand us now, hurrah. Got those plans yet?

0:32:360:32:40

-Still searching for them!

-I've worked it out with psychic help from a cat.

0:32:430:32:47

-Cat?

-Yes, I know he's got a time engine in the flat upstairs.

0:32:470:32:51

He's using innocent people to try and launch it.

0:32:510:32:52

-Whenever he does, they get burnt up, hence the stain...

-From the ceiling?

-Well done, Craig.

0:32:520:32:57

-And you, Miss Pond, nearly get thrown off into the Vortex.

-Lovely!

0:32:570:33:01

-People are dying up there? People are dying. People are dying.

-Amy!

0:33:010:33:06

Doctor!

0:33:060:33:08

They're being killed!

0:33:080:33:10

Someone's up there.

0:33:100:33:12

-'Doctor!'

-Hang on!

0:33:160:33:18

Craig, come on... someone's dying up there.

0:33:200:33:24

It's Sophie. It's Sophie that's dying up there, it's Sophie!

0:33:240:33:28

Doctor! Aaaaargh!

0:33:280:33:30

-Where's Sophie!

-Wait, wait! Amy?

0:33:300:33:32

-Are you upstairs?

-Just going in!

-But you can't be upstairs.

0:33:320:33:36

-Of course I can be upstairs!

-Come on!

0:33:360:33:38

No! I've got the plans, you cannot be upstairs, it's a one-storey building.

0:33:380:33:42

'There is no upstairs!'

0:33:420:33:44

What?

0:33:510:33:53

-What?

-Oh.

0:33:530:33:56

Oh, of course!

0:33:560:33:58

The time engine isn't IN the flat. The time engine IS the flat!

0:34:000:34:03

Someone's attempt to build a TARDIS.

0:34:030:34:07

No, there's always been an upstairs.

0:34:070:34:09

-Has there? Think about it!

-Yes.

0:34:090:34:11

-No. I don't...

-Perception filter. It's more than a disguise. It tricks your memory.

0:34:110:34:16

-SCREAMING

-Sophie!

0:34:160:34:18

Sophie! Oh, my God, Sophie!

0:34:180:34:20

-Craig!

-It's controlling her. It's willing her to touch the activator.

-It's not going to have her!

0:34:200:34:25

Ah! Deadlock seal!

0:34:270:34:28

You've got to do something!

0:34:280:34:30

What? Why's it let her go?

0:34:320:34:35

-You will help me.

-Right! Stop! Crashed ship, let's see. Hello.

0:34:410:34:45

I'm Captain Troy Handsome of International Rescue.

0:34:450:34:47

-Please state the nature of your emergency.

-The ship has crashed.

0:34:470:34:50

The crew are dead. A pilot is required.

0:34:500:34:52

You're the emergency crash program.

0:34:520:34:54

A hologram. You've been luring people up here so you can try them out.

0:34:540:34:57

You will help me, you will help me, you will help me.

0:34:570:34:59

-Craig! Where am I?

-Hush! Human brains aren't strong enough, they just burn. You're stupid,

0:34:590:35:04

you just keep trying.

0:35:040:35:06

17 people have been tried.

0:35:060:35:08

6,000,400,026 remain.

0:35:080:35:11

-Seriously, what is going on?

-The top floor of Craig's building is in reality an alien space ship,

0:35:110:35:16

intent on slaughtering the population of this planet. Any questions? No, good.

0:35:160:35:19

-Yes, I have questions.

-The correct pilot has now been found.

0:35:190:35:22

Yes, I was worried you'd say that.

0:35:220:35:24

He means you, Doctor, doesn't he?

0:35:240:35:26

The correct pilot has been found.

0:35:260:35:28

The correct pilot has been found The correct pilot has been found.

0:35:280:35:32

-What's happening?

-It's pulling me in! I'm the new pilot!

-Could you do it?

0:35:320:35:37

Could you fly the ship safely?

0:35:370:35:39

No, I'm way too much for this ship.

0:35:390:35:41

My hand touches that panel, the planet doesn't blow up, the whole solar system does.

0:35:410:35:45

The correct pilot has been found.

0:35:450:35:47

No...worst choice ever, I promise you. Stop this!

0:35:470:35:50

Doctor, it's getting worse.

0:35:500:35:52

It doesn't want everyone. Craig, it didn't want you!

0:35:520:35:55

I spoke to him and he said I couldn't help him!

0:35:550:35:57

It didn't want Sophie before but now it does. What's changed?

0:35:570:36:00

No! I gave her the idea of leaving!

0:36:000:36:03

It's a machine that needs to leave, it wants people who want to escape!

0:36:030:36:06

And you don't want to leave, Craig, you're Mr Sofa Man.

0:36:060:36:10

Doctor!

0:36:100:36:11

Craig, you can shut down the engine.

0:36:110:36:12

Put your hand on the panel and concentrate on why you want to stay!

0:36:120:36:16

-Craig, no!

-Will it work?

-Yes!

-Are you sure?

0:36:160:36:19

-Yes!

-Is that a lie?

0:36:190:36:20

Of course it's a lie!

0:36:200:36:22

It's good enough for me. Geronimo!

0:36:220:36:25

-Craig!

-Doctor!

0:36:280:36:31

Craig, what's keeping you here? Think about everything

0:36:310:36:34

that makes you want to stay here! Why don't you want to leave?

0:36:340:36:37

Sophie! And I don't want to leave Sophie!

0:36:370:36:39

I can't leave Sophie! I love Sophie!

0:36:390:36:41

I love you, too, Craig, you idiot!

0:36:440:36:46

-Doctor!

-Honestly, do you mean that?

-Of course I mean it! Do you mean it?

0:36:480:36:51

-I've always meant it. Seriously though, do you mean it?

-Yes.

0:36:510:36:55

-Ugh!

-What about the monkeys?

0:36:550:36:56

Oh, not now, not again! Craig, the planet's about to burn!

0:36:560:36:59

For God's sake, kiss the girl!

0:36:590:37:01

Kiss the girl!

0:37:010:37:03

'Doctor!'

0:37:140:37:16

You've done it.

0:37:160:37:18

Aha, you've done it!

0:37:180:37:21

'Oh, now the screen's just zeros! Now it's minus ones, minus twos, minus threes...'

0:37:210:37:26

Big yes!

0:37:260:37:27

DIFFERENT VOICES: Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.

0:37:270:37:31

Big no.

0:37:310:37:32

-Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.

-Did we switch it off?

0:37:320:37:35

Emergency shutdown, it's imploding, everybody out, out, out!

0:37:350:37:40

Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me...

0:37:400:37:44

Help me. Help me. Help me...

0:37:440:37:46

- Doctor! - Help me. Help me. Help me...

0:37:460:37:48

Look at them. Didn't they see that? The whole top floor just vanished.

0:38:100:38:15

Perception filter. There never was a top floor.

0:38:150:38:18

-So have we spoiled our friendship, then?

-Totally ruined it.

0:38:300:38:34

And what about the monkeys?

0:38:340:38:36

We could save them together, you know.

0:38:360:38:38

Do whatever we want. I could see the point of Paris if you were there with me.

0:38:380:38:42

First let's destroy our friendship completely.

0:38:420:38:45

-Oi!

-What, you're trying to sneak off?

0:38:590:39:02

Yes, well, you were sort of...

0:39:020:39:04

busy.

0:39:040:39:05

-I want you to keep these.

-Thank you.

0:39:080:39:12

-Cos I might pop back soon, have another little stay.

-No, you won't.

0:39:120:39:15

I've been in your head, remember. But I still want you to keep them.

0:39:150:39:19

-Thank you, Craig.

-Thank you, Doctor.

0:39:200:39:23

Sophie. Now then. 6,000,400,026 people in the world.

0:39:230:39:29

That's the number to beat.

0:39:290:39:32

Yeah.

0:39:330:39:34

Back in time! You need to go to the paper shop, leave that note for me.

0:39:580:40:03

Right little matchmaker, aren't you? Can't you find me a fella?

0:40:030:40:06

Oh, rectifier's playing up again... Hold on.

0:40:060:40:10

-You write the note and I'll change that will.

-You got a pen?

0:40:100:40:12

Make sure it's a red pen.

0:40:120:40:14

There were cracks.

0:40:460:40:49

Through some we saw silence and the end of all things.

0:40:490:40:54

It's the crack in my wall.

0:40:540:40:55

Two parts of space and time that should never have touched, pressed together.

0:40:550:40:59

-All through the universe, rips in the continuum.

-How could it be here?

0:40:590:41:02

-How can it be following me?

-I don't know yet, but I'm working it out.

0:41:020:41:05

Some sort of space-time catechism? Big enough to put cracks in the universe. But what?

0:41:050:41:11

The universe is cracked. The Pandorica will open, silence will fall.

0:41:110:41:17

Pandorica... Ha! That's a fairytale!

0:41:170:41:22

If it is real, it's here and it's opening.

0:41:220:41:25

-What is it?

-A box, a cage a prison.

0:41:250:41:30

There was a goblin or a Trickster, or a warrior, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies.

0:41:300:41:36

The most feared being in all the cosmos.

0:41:360:41:41

The Pandorica.

0:41:410:41:43

More than just a fairytale.

0:41:430:41:45

-It's opening.

-Your world has visitors.

0:41:460:41:49

Daleks, Doctor, and Cyberships, Sontarans, Slitheen, Chelonian, Nestene, Drahvin, Sycorax...

0:41:490:41:54

What's in there, what could justify all this?

0:41:540:41:56

What are you?

0:41:560:41:58

What could you possibly be?

0:41:580:42:00

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:42:130:42:16

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0:42:160:42:20

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