The Bells of Saint John Doctor Who

Danger!

This is a warning.

A warning to the whole world.

You're looking for Wi-Fi.

And sometimes you see something...

..a bit like this.

Don't click it. Do. Not. Click. It.

Once you've clicked it, they're in your computer.

They can see you.

And if they can see you, they might choose you.

And if they do...you die.

Within 24 hours, you're dead.

For a while.

People's souls are being uploaded to the internet.

Some people get stuck. Their minds, their souls, trapped in the Wi-Fi.

Like echoes. Like ghosts.

I don't know where I am!

Sometimes you can hear their screams.

On the radio. On the telly. On the net.

-I don't know where I am!

-I don't know where I am!

This is real. This is not a hoax.

-I, I don't know where I am!

-Or a joke.

Doko?

-Or a story.

-I don't know where I am!

This is real, and I know that, because...

I don't know where I am.

Please, if you can hear me...

If you can hear me,

I don't know where I am.

-ECHOES: I don't know where I am!

-I don't know where I am!

-I don't know where I am!

-I don't know where I am!

Wake the abbot. The bells of St John are ringing!

We must go to him!

They call him the mad monk, don't they?

They shouldn't. He's definitely not a monk.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

I'm sorry to intrude. The bells of St John are ringing.

I'm going to need a horse!

Is that her?

The woman twice dead,

and her final message.

He has withdrawn to this place of peace and solitude

that he might divine her meaning.

If he truly is mad, then this is his madness.

Angie, is the internet working?

Trying to phone the helpline, they won't answer.

-It's working for me.

-Can I use it when you're finished?

More than one person can use the internet at a time, Clara.

-You done your homework?

-Shut up, you're not my mum!

And I'm not trying to be. OK?

Right, yes! Angie's probably fine on her own,

you could probably have the night off.

I'm OK, I'll be upstairs trying to figure out my computer.

Anyway, the adverts are in, so hopefully we'll find someone.

I'm here as long as you need me.

Good! Right, come on, Artie, time to go.

What chapter you on?

-Ten.

-11's the best. You'll cry your eyes out.

Artie! >

Oh, come on, just answer! Just pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.

PHONE RINGS

PHONE RINGS

RINGING CONTINUES

That is not supposed to happen.

Hello?

Ah, hello. I can't find the internet.

-I'm sorry?

-It's gone, the internet. Can't find it anywhere. Where is it?

The internet?

Yes, the internet. Why don't I have the internet?

It's 1207.

I've got 3.30. Am I phoning a different time zone?

Yeah, you really sort of are.

Will it show up on the bill?

Oh, I dread to think. Listen, where did you get this number?

Woman in the shop wrote it down.

It's the helpline, isn't it? She said it was the best

helpline out there. In the universe, she said.

What woman? Who was she?

I dunno, the woman in the shop.

So, why isn't there internet?

Shouldn't it just sort of...be there?

Look, listen, I'm not actually...this isn't...

You have clicked on the Wi-Fi button, haven't you?

Hang on. Erm...

Wi-Fi?

Click on the Wi-Fi.

You'll see a list of names. Is there one you recognise?

It's asking me for a password.

Is it OK if I go and see Nina? You can call her mum.

Sure. What's the password for the internet?

Rycbar123.

How am I supposed to remember that?

Is it an evil spirit?

It's a woman.

Hang on. Just a mo. Run. You. Clever. Boy. And. Remember.

One!

Run, you clever boy...

Two!

..And remember.

-Three!

-What did you say?

LAPTOP BEEPS

Don't shout, you made me type it wrong.

It's thrown me out again. What do I do, how do I get back in?

It was just a thing to remember the password.

Run, You Clever Boy And Remember. Oh, hang on!

VOICES CHATTERING

DOORBELL RINGING Hello, yes, I hear you.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Yep. Uh-huh. Hello?

Clara? Clara Oswald?

-Hello?

-Clara Oswin Oswald?

Just Clara Oswald. What was that middle one?

Do you remember me?

No. Should I? Who are you?

The Doctor. No? The Doctor?

Doctor who?

No, just the Doctor.

Actually, sorry, could you just ask me that again?

-Could I what?

-Could you just ask me that question again?

-Doctor who?

OK, just once more.

Doctor who?

Oh, yeah. Oh!

D'you know, I never realised

how much I enjoy hearing that said out loud.

-Thank you.

-OK.

Hey, no! Clara, please. Clara, I need to talk to you!

Listen, please.

Clara Oswald.

We've got a positive lock on her, but I think she's borderline.

Very clever, but no computer skills.

Upload her anyway, splice her a computer skills package.

I'll activate a Spoonhead.

Alexei, we call them servers, not Spoonheads.

Sorry, Miss Kizlet.

I'm ever so fond of Alexei,

but my conscience says we should probably kill him.

I'll inform HR.

Actually, he's about to go on holiday.

Kill him when he gets back - let's not be unreasonable.

Didn't you want to speak to me?

We're uploading too many people, too quickly. We're going to get noticed.

If your conscience is bothering you, think of it like this.

We're preserving living minds in permanent form in the data cloud.

It's like immortality. Only fatal.

My conscience is fine.

Good. Because our client has his needs.

Did you just hack me?

Because you changed your mind?

I hope I did.

Please! I just need to speak to you!

Why are you still here? Why are you here at all?

You phoned me. You were looking for the internet.

-That was you?

-Course it was me.

How did you get here so fast?

I just happened to be in the neighbourhood. On my mobile phone.

When you say "mobile phone", why do you point at that blue box?

Because it's a surprisingly accurate description.

OK, we're finished now.

Oi, no, look...

DOOR CLOSES

FLOORBOARDS CREAK

Angie?

Angie, are you upstairs?

Angie, are you still here?

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Hello.

Hello.

Are you a friend of Angie's?

I'm a friend of Angie's.

What were you doing upstairs?

I was upstairs.

I know you, don't I?

You know me...don't you?

WHIRRING

CLICKING AND WHIRRING

Right, don't be a monk.

Monks are not cool!

Ah-ha!

Clara?

-HE KNOCKS ON DOOR

-Clara?

Hello?

See? Look, it's me! De-monked.

Sensible clothes. Erm, can I come in now?

I don't understand.

-Could you just open the door?

-I don't know...

Of course you can!

..where I am.

I don't know where I am.

Where am I? Please tell me where I am!

I don't know where I am. I don't know where I am!

Clara! Clara?

I don't know where I am!

I don't understand. I don't know where I am!

I don't know where I am! I don't understand! I don't know where I am!

Where am I? I don't know where I am.

I don't know where I am.

BEEPING

I've got a problem!

ELECTRONIC CRACKLING

A walking base station.

A walking Wi-Fi base station, hoovering up data.

Hoovering up people!

Oh, no, you don't.

Oh, no, you don't.

It's like someone is trying to reverse an upload.

Is that possible?

If the upload isn't fully integrated yet - in theory, yes.

BEEPING

Oh, my God.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

Not this time, Clara, I promise you.

Can you stop this?

No!

CLICKING AND WHIRRING

SHE MOANS AND COUGHS

It's OK, it's OK. You're fine, you're back. Yes, you are.

Yes, you are.

Well?

Our hacker sent us a message.

I assume he's talking about the girl.

Get out. I have to speak to the client.

Sir. The one you told me about. He's here.

The Doctor is here.

DOOR CLOSES

Hello?

Hello. Are you all right?

I'm in bed.

-Yes.

-Don't remember going.

-No.

What did I miss?

Oh, quite a lot, actually.

Angie called, she's going to stay over at Nina's.

Apparently that's all completely fine and you shouldn't

worry like you always do, for God's sake, get off her back.

Also, your dad phoned. Mainly about the government.

He seems very cross with them, I've got several pages on that.

I said I'd look into it.

I fixed that rattling noise in the washing machine,

indexed the kitchen cupboards, optimised the photosynthesis

in the main flowerbed and assembled the quadrocycle.

Assembled the what?

I found a disassembled quadrocycle in the garage.

I don't think you did.

(I invented the quadrocycle!)

What happened to me?

Don't you remember?

I was scared. Really scared.

I didn't know where I was.

Do you know now?

Yes.

Well, then, you should go to sleep, because you're safe now, I promise.

Goodnight, Clara.

Are you guarding me?

Well, yes. Yes, I am.

SHE GIGGLES

Are you seriously going to sit down there all night?

Yes. I promise. I won't budge from this spot.

Well, then. I'll have to come to you.

Eh?

I take it the girl's inside. And alive?

Yes.

Alexei, I need you to do something creative about that.

CLICKING AND BEEPING

I like your house.

It isn't mine, I'm a friend of the family.

Do you look after the kids?

Oh, yes, you're a governess, aren't you, just like...

Just like what?

Just like...

..I thought you probably would be.

Are you going to explain what happened to me?

There's something in the Wi-Fi.

-OK.

-This whole world is swimming in Wi-Fi.

We're living in a Wi-Fi soup! Suppose something got inside it.

Suppose there was something living in the Wi-Fi,

harvesting human minds, extracting them.

Imagine that.

Human souls trapped like flies in the World Wide Web,

stuck for ever, crying out for help.

Isn't that basically Twitter?

What's that face for?

A computer can hack another computer.

A living, sentient computer...

Maybe that could hack people. Edit them. Rewrite them.

Why would you say that?

Because a few hours ago you knew nothing about the internet.

And you just made a joke about Twitter.

Oh.

Oh. That's weird.

I know all about computers now in my head.

Where did that come from?

You were uploaded for a while.

Wherever you were, you brought something extra back.

Which I very much doubt you're going to be allowed to keep.

CRACKLING AND WHIRRING

-You and me, inside that box, now.

-I'm sorry?

-Just get inside.

-Both of us?

Trust me, you'll understand once we're in there.

-I bet I will!

-Clara, please!

What is that box, anyway? Why do you have a box?

-Clara!

-Is it like a snogging booth?

-A what?!

-Is that what you do, you bring a booth?

There's such a thing as too keen.

Clara, look around you!

What's going on? Is the Wi-Fi switching on the lights?

No. The people are switching on the lights.

The Wi-Fi is switching on the people.

CLICKING AND WHIRRING

What is that thing?

A walking base station, you saw one earlier.

I saw a little girl.

Must have taken an image from your subconscious, thrown it back at you.

Active camouflage!

(They could be everywhere!)

Doctor! Doctor!

What's going on?

Do we need another London-wide activation?

We can't always pass it off as a riot.

All our lights on, everyone else's off. Why?

PLANE ENGINE HUMS

Some planes have Wi-Fi.

I'm sorry?

We must be one hell of a target right now.

You, me, box, now!

Yes, it's a spaceship. Yes, it's bigger on the inside.

No, I don't have time to talk about it.

But...but...but...it's...

Shut up, please, short hops are difficult.

Bigger. On the inside. Actually bigger.

METAL THRUMMING

-Right, come on!

-Are we going back out there?

We've moved. It's a spaceship, we flew away.

-Away from the plane?

-Not exactly!

HE ROARS

SHE SCREAMS

How did we get here?

It's a ship, I told you, it's all very sciency!

Is this the plane, the actual plane? Are they all dead?

Asleep, switched off by the Wi-Fi, never mind them!

GASPING

What is going on? Is this real? Please tell me what is happening!

I'm the Doctor. I'm an alien from outer space.

I'm 1,000 years old. I've got two hearts.

And I can't fly a plane, can you?

No!

Fine, let's do it together.

THEY SCREAM

HE LAUGHS

Do you think a victory roll would be too show-offy?

What the hell's going on?

Well, I'm blocking your Wi-Fi, so you're waking up for a start.

Tell you what, do you want to drive?

I don't understand what's happened. That box, where's it gone?

Find that box!

OK. When are you going to explain what the hell is going on?

Breakfast.

What? I ain't waiting till breakfast.

It's a time machine. You never have to wait for breakfast.

APPLAUSE

Thank you, thank you. Yes, magic blue box.

All donations gratefully accepted. Roll up, roll up, give us your dosh.

Pennies, pounds, anything you've got.

Keep collecting, we need enough for breakfast.

Just popping back to the garage.

Garage?

This way.

So, this is tomorrow, then? Tomorrow's come early.

No, it came at the usual time. We just took a short cut.

Thank you, thank you. Tomorrow, a camel! Clara!

What's happening?

Blue box. Southbank! Definitely wasn't there five minutes ago.

Are we sure this time? Earl's Court was an embarrassment.

If you've got a flying time machine, why are we on a motorbike?

I don't take the TARDIS into battle.

Because it's made of wood?

Because it's the most powerful ship in the universe

and I don't want it falling into the wrong hands. OK?

I do love London. So many cameras.

So, if we can travel anywhere in time and space,

why did we travel to the morning? What's the point in that?

Whoever's after us spent the whole night looking for us.

Are you tired?

Yes.

Then imagine how they feel. They came the long way round.

They've got to be close, definitely London,

going by the signal distribution.

I can hack the lowest level of their operating system,

but I can't establish a physical location, the security's too good.

-Are you an alien?

-I am, yes. OK with that?

-Fine, yeah. I think I'm fine.

-Oh, good.

So what happens if you do find them? What then?

I don't know. I can't tell the future, I just work there.

-You don't have a plan?

-You know what I always say about plans?

-What?

-I don't have one.

-People always have plans.

Yes. Yes, I suppose they do.

So tell me, how long have you been looking after those kids?

About a year, since their mum died.

OK. But why you?

Family friend, I get that, but there must have been others.

Why did it have to be you?

I mean, you don't really seem like a nanny.

Gimme!

Sorry, what?

You need to know where they physically are. Their exact location.

-Yes.

-I can do it.

-Oi! I need that!

You've hacked the lower operating system.

I'll have their physical location in under five minutes.

-Go and get a coffee.

-If I can't find them, you can't.

They uploaded me, remember. I've got computing stuff in my head.

-So do I.

-I have insane hacking skills.

I'm from space, and the future, with two hearts and...27 brains.

And I can find them in under five minutes, plus photographs. 27?

OK, slight exaggeration.

Coffee - go get. Five minutes, I promise.

The security is absolute.

It's never about the security, it's about the people.

Why do you keep looking at me like that?

Sorry, no, it's nothing. It's just...you're a nanny.

Isn't that a bit...Victorian?

Victorian?

You're young, shouldn't you be doing, you know, young things?

With-with-with...young people?

-What, like you, for instance? Down, boy!

-No, no, I didn't...

Shut up!

HE GASPS

SHE GIGGLES

Ooh!

Two more cappuccinos over there, please.

One moment, sir.

CRACKLING

You realise you haven't the slightest chance

of saving your little friend?

-Sorry, what?

-I said one moment, sir.

I said, there is not the slightest chance you can

save your little friend.

And don't annoy the old man, he isn't, in fact, speaking.

I'm speaking. Just using whatever's to hand.

Oh, she's rather pretty, isn't she? Do you like her?

I can make her like you too, if you want.

You all right, sir?

Um, yes. Yes, fine.

You OK?

Sure, setting up stuff, need a user name.

Learning fast.

Clara Oswald for the win! Oswin!

You could always call me Oswin, seeing as that's my name.

Now I want you to take a look around.

Go on. Have a little stroll.

And see how impossible your situation is.

Go on. Take a look, I do love showing off.

Just let me show you what control of the Wi-Fi can do for one.

-Stop!

-Stop!

TV CONTINUES PLAYING

I saw what you can do last night.

And clear!

We can hack anyone in the Wi-Fi,

once they've been exposed long enough.

So there's one of your walking base stations somewhere close.

-There's always...

-Someone close.

We've released thousands into the world.

They home in on the Wi-Fi like rats sniffing cheese.

There's something up with the webcams.

SHE GIGGLES

I don't know who you are or why you're doing this,

but the people of this world will not be harmed,

they will not be controlled, they will not be...

-The people of this world are in no...

-Danger whatsoever.

My client requires a steady diet of living human minds.

Healthy, free-range human minds.

He loves and cares for humanity. In fact, he can't get enough of it.

It's obscene. It's murder.

It's life.

The farmer tends his flock like a loving parent.

The abattoir is not a contradiction.

No-one loves cattle more than Burger King.

I'm sure of it, someone's hacking the webcams. All of them.

Everybody check your webcams!

But what would be the point, taking mug-shots of us lot?

Who's on Facebook?

Bebo? Myspace? Habbo?

Put your hands down if you didn't mention where you work.

This ends. I am going to end this today!

How? You don't even know...

Where we are.

Who's doing this? Who is your client? Hmm? Answer me!

KNOCK ON DOOR

Miss Kizlet, we have a problem!

-I did it. I really did, I did it. I found them.

-You found them.

-The Shard. They're in the Shard. Floor 65.

-Floor 65.

Are you listening to me, Doctor? I found them!

I'm listening to you. You found them.

CLICKING AND WHIRRING

We've got her! This time, we've really got her!

Clara! Clara!

Doctor? Doctor, help me. I don't know where I am.

I don't understand. I don't know where I am! Please help me.

I don't know where I am!

I don't know where I am. Doctor, please, please, help me.

I don't know where I am.

Doctor, help me.

CHATTERING: Help! Help! Please!

Should we pulp her? Or keep her as a hostage?

There's no point, she's fully integrated now,

she can't be downloaded again. I'm sure he knows that.

I'm not sure he does.

He's coming.

We could stop him, I suppose.

Why bother? It might be quite funny.

Really, Doctor, a motorbike? It hardly seems like you.

I rode this in the Anti-Grav Olympics, 2074. I came last.

The building is in lock-down. I'm afraid you're not coming in.

Did you even hear the word Anti-Grav?

ENGINE ROARS

Seriously? He can do that? He can really, actually do that?

-Oh...

-Dear...

-Lord.

LOUD CRASH

I think that was your office.

Excuse me, I believe it's someone to see me.

Do come in.

Download her.

Sorry about the draught.

Download her back into her body, right now.

-I can't.

-Yes, you can.

She's a fully integrated part of the data cloud now.

She can't be separated.

Then download the entire cloud. Everyone you've trapped in there.

You realise what would happen?

Yes, those still with bodies to go home to would be free.

A tiny number. Most would simply die.

They'd be released from a living hell.

It's the best you can do for them, so give the order.

And why would I do that?

Because I'm going to motivate you.

Any second now.

You ridiculous man! Why did you even come here? Whatever for?

-I didn't.

-What?

I'm still in the cafe.

I'm finishing my coffee. Lovely spot.

What are you talking about?

You hack people. Me? I'm old-fashioned.

I hack technology.

Here's your motivation!

CLICKING AND WHIRRING

No. No. No!

Not me! Not me!

Put me back! Put me back! Download me at once!

That is an order! That is an order!

But she's fully integrated now. We'd have to download the entire cloud.

We can't do that.

No. We can't.

Download me!

Download me!

CRACKLING

Do what she says!

Doctor?

Doctor!

Doctor!

You have no right to be in this office,

and I am demanding that you leave at once!

This building is under UNIT's control.

What is UNIT? I've never heard of you!

I suggest you calm down, sir.

UNIT are here, friends of the Doctor, I presume.

Oh, old friends, very old friends.

Then I appear to have failed you, Great Intelligence.

I have feasted on many minds, I have grown.

But now, it is time for you to reduce.

You've been whispering in my ear so long,

I'm not sure I remember what I was before.

Goodbye, Miss Kizlet.

BUZZING AND SCREAMING

Sorry, where am I? What am I doing here?

Are you soldiers? What's happening? How did I get here?

-Excuse me, where are the toilets?

-The toilets?

I'm here to fix the toilets, the gents.

How long have I been here?

Stay where you are! Ma'am, identify yourself!

Where are my mummy and daddy?

They said they wouldn't be long.

Are they coming back?

KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

So. He comes back, does he?

You didn't answer my question.

What question?

You don't seem like a nanny.

I was going to travel.

I came to stay for a week before I left

and during that week...

She died, so you're returning the favour.

You've got 101 places to see,

and you haven't been to any of them, have you?

That's why you keep the book.

I keep the book cos I'm still going.

But you don't run out on the people you care about.

Wish I was more like that.

You know, the thing about a time machine,

you can run away all you like and still be home in time for tea,

so what do you say?

Anywhere. All of time and space, right outside those doors.

-SHE LAUGHS Does this work?

-Eh?

Is this actually what you do?

Do you just crook your finger

and people just jump in your snog box and fly away?

-It is not a snog box!

-I'll be the judge of that!

Starting when?

Come back tomorrow, ask me again.

Why?

Cos tomorrow, I might say yes.

Some time after 7.00 OK for you?

It's a time machine, any time's OK.

See you then.

Clara?

-Uh-huh?

-In your book there was a leaf, why?

That wasn't a leaf, that was page one.

Right then, Clara Oswald. Time to find out who you are.

METALLIC THRUMMING

-What do you want to see?

-Something awesome.

-Akhaten.

-Can we see it, up close?

Oh! Are you OK?

-Have you seen her?

-Who?

I'm Merry Gehlal.

The Queen of Years.

I'm the vessel of our history.

What's happening, is that supposed to happen? Doctor!

We don't walk away.

Merry!

GROWLING

SHE SCREAMS

I'm armed...with a screwdriver!

Grandfather's away.

ROARING

You have it all!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd