Nightmare in Silver Doctor Who

METALLIC THRUMMING

DOOR CREAKS

Well, here we are. Hedgewick's World -

the biggest and best amusement park there will ever be

and we've got a golden ticket!

-Eh, eh? Fun!

-Fun?

Your stupid box can't even get us to the right place.

-This is, like, a moon base or something.

-It's not the moon.

Actually, I think it does look like the moon. Only dirtier.

Hey, guys it's not the moon, OK?

It's a Spacey Zoomer ride, or it was.

Psst! 'Scuse I. I don't suppose you happen to be my lift off planet?

-Dave's Discount Interstellar Removals?

-'Fraid not.

They were meant to be here six months ago.

That's Dave for you, see, unreliable.

-Stay where you are!

-Oops.

Throw down your weapons and identify yourselves.

No. No weapons! Golden ticket!

Spacey Zoomer? Free ice cream?

Who are you? This planet is closed, by Imperial order.

How's this?

Oh. Welcome, Proconsul. I wish they'd told us you were coming.

Any news of the Emperor?

Oh, the Emperor... No, no, none that you'd, er...

We pray for his return.

If there is anything you need, my platoon is at your service.

Right! Righty-oh. Well, carry on, Captain.

Platoon, let's move out.

On the double. Two, three, four! Two, three, four!

Two, three, four!

Have they gone?

Yes.

Uniforms give me the heebie-jeebies. Come on.

They can't stop me being here, but they don't like it.

Ha-ha! You see?

I told you it was amazing. Well, it used to be.

It closed down. Wish I'd known that before I landed here.

But let me show you my collection.

Come along, follow me, this way. This way in, come on.

Welcome to my show...

Webley's World of Wonders. Miracles, marvels and more await you.

I am impresario Webley.

HE COUGHS

You see before you waxwork representations of the famous...

and the infamous.

Anybody here play chess?

Perhaps you, young man?

Actually, I'm in my school chess club.

Ah, follow me.

Now, let me demonstrate to you all the wonder of the age,

the miracle of modernity.

We defeated them all, a thousand years ago.

But now he's back, to destroy you.

Behold! The enemy!

Cyberman! Get down!

No need to panic, my young friends.

We all know there are no more living Cybermen.

What you are seeing is a miracle - the 699th wonder of the universe.

As displayed before the Imperial court,

and only here to destroy you - at chess!

Careful now. An empty shell.

And yet it moves.

-How?

-Magic.

That might well be, young lady.

A single penny wins you five Imperial shillings

if you can beat this empty shell at chess.

I haven't got a penny. But I've got a sandwich.

All right, take a seat.

It is free of all devices, and yet it has never been beaten.

Would you like to make the first move, young man?

Oh, no, Artie. No, don't do that, it...

It's a fool's mate.

If you can tell me how it works, I'll give you a silver penny.

I think...you do it with mirrors.

Hmm, mirrors, clever girl. Well, let's see, hey? Low tech.

It's a puppet, monofilament strings, which means the brains are in...

-Hello.

-Hello.

-I'm the brains.

-Hello. Give us a hand.

They call me Porridge.

Ah, it's good to be out of that box.

For you, Miss...an Imperial penny.

I have not one but THREE Cybermen in my collection.

-Is that the king?

-Emperor.

Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, etc, etc, the 41st - defender of humanity,

-imperator of known space.

-He looks a bit full of himself.

Don't say things like that about the Imperial family -

you can end up on the run for the rest of your life.

They don't sound very nice.

Go on. If the kids want to ride the Spacey Zoomer,

then I can operate the gravity console.

Angie!

-THEY GIGGLE

-Whoa!

Smile! Say, "Spacey Zoomer!"

-We're flying!

-Having a good time?

I think that was the most fun I've had in my whole life.

It was...

OK.

Clara? I think outer space is actually very interesting.

Right, wonderful day out, Doctor, but it's time to get the kids home.

Yeah. Um, no. Not actually ready to leave.

-Why not?

-I dunno. Reasons.

-What reasons?

-Insects. Funny insects.

I should add them to my funny insect collection.

-You collect funny insects?

-Yeah, I'm starting to.

Right now.

How long do we have to stay here?

Not long. Have a nap. I'll wake you when we're ready to leave.

-Comfy?

-(Sleep well.)

Good night.

Don't wander off.

I'm not just saying, "Don't wander off" - I MEAN it.

Otherwise you'll wander off, and the next thing you know,

somebody's going to have to start rescuing somebody.

-From what?

-Nothing. Nobody needs rescuing from anything.

Don't wander off.

Sweet dreams.

Mmm. Mmm!

Total takings for the day - one sandwich.

Better than no sandwich, of course.

Not as good as TWO sandwiches, or even a chicken...

That's a bit odd.

That's not funny, give me my hands back.

-Upgrade in progress!

-HE SCREAMS

I HATE the future. It's stupid.

There's not even phone service. I'm out of here.

The Doctor said to not wander off.

He said that,

-and then he wandered off.

-I don't think Clara would like that.

-She's not our mum.

-Don't leave me here.

Was this really the biggest amusement park in the universe?

Yeah. Hedgewick bought the planet cheap.

-It'd been trashed in the Cyber-Wars.

-Who were we fighting?

Cybermen. Technologically upgraded warriors. We couldn't win.

Sometimes we fought to a draw,

but then they'd upgrade themselves, fix their weaknesses and destroy us.

It's hard to fight an enemy that uses your armies as spare parts.

You beat them, though - beat them or you wouldn't be here. How?

Look up there - that corner of the sky. What do you see?

Nothing. It's just black.

No stars, no nothing.

Used to be the Tiberion Spiral Galaxy. A million star systems.

A hundred million worlds. A billion trillion people.

It's not there any more. No more Tiberion galaxy. No more Cybermen.

It was effective.

-It's horrible.

-Yeah.

I feel like a monster sometimes.

Why?

Because instead of mourning a billion trillion dead people,

I just feel sorry for the poor blighter

who had to press the button and blow it all up.

Clara! Did you tell Angie she could go to the barracks?

You KNOW I didn't.

-She hasn't...

-She's just gone in there.

Come on.

-I can't fix this.

-It can't be broken.

It's a solid state sub-ether ansible class communicator.

Just run the diagnostics.

There's nothing left to diagnose. It's not broken. It's empty.

-All the components have gone.

-Well, you must have replacement parts.

Not enough to build a new one.

Captain, the weather-controller is malfunctioning again.

There's storms, heat waves, snow.

-CLANGING

-Hello. I'm bored!

Where's your big sister?

Clara? She's not my sister. She's stupid.

She's talking to Porridge.

She talks to her porridge?

Porridge. That little bloke.

We need to have a chat.

I'm not scared, if you're wondering.

I just think I ought to turn the lights back on.

So, tell me about the little bloke.

Well, you must have seen him.

-Angie, Angie!

-She has to turn up and spoil everything!

I wasn't doing anything! Why can't you just leave me alone?!

THUMP!

Cyberman!

Angie!

Attack formation!

No!

Attack formation - quickly!

Upgrade in progress!

Angie!

SHE SCREAMS

-Angie!

-Clara, Clara...!

That was a Cyberman! But they're extinct.

Listen to me, I will get her back. Captain, a word, please.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong,

but I take it your platoon doesn't do much fighting?

-What do you expect?

-What?

We're a punishment platoon.

It's why they sent us out here, so we can't get into trouble.

Ah, right, right, well, OK. As Imperial Consul,

I am putting Clara in charge.

Clara, stay alive until I get back,

and don't let anyone blow up this planet.

Is that something they're likely to do?

-Get to somewhere defensible.

-Where are YOU going?

I'm getting Angie, finding Artie and looking for funny insects.

Stay alive. And you lot, no blowing up this planet!

Put me down! I hate you!

Artie? Artie, what's happening?

Please stand by.

You will be upgraded.

SHE SCREAMS

Cyberiad class weaponry. I've taken it out of storage.

Good. We need to find somewhere defensible. Where?

The beach, the Giant's Cauldron...

Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle.

Real castle? Drawbridge? Moat?

Yes. But comical.

We'll go there.

Ma'am... My platoon can deal with one Cyberman.

And there are protocols if we cannot immediately find and destroy it.

-Blowing-up-the-planet protocols?

-Respectfully, ma'am...

Somewhere defensible. No blowing up the planet.

She's your commanding officer now, isn't she, Captain?

Yes...

..sir.

-You really saw a Cyberman?

-We really did.

-Have you reported it to the Imperium?

-No communicators.

So you're going to do what she says.

Right, let's all spend the night at Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle.

Artie?

Firstly,

if anybody's watching this,

those children are under my protection. I'm coming to get them.

And secondly...

little metal machine...

..you are beautiful.

Not even a Cybermat any more, eh?

Cybermites?

Now...there's a local transmat link open to your home.

If I can just find the frequency...

Hey, that really shouldn't have worked.

-Doctor, help us.

-Angie! Artie!

-Webley?

-We needed children, but the children had stopped coming.

You brought us children.

Hail to you, the Doctor, saviour of the Cybermen!

-What would the Empire do if they WERE alerted?

-I told you -

tell me to blow up the planet.

After they got us off?

-Captain, you want to take that one?

-No, ma'am. Just blow the sucker up.

Drawbridge, moat - brilliant.

With respect, ma'am, we ought to be hunting the creature.

The only reason I'm still alive is because I do what the Doctor says.

Can you guarantee me you'd bring back my children alive and unharmed?

-I trust the Doctor.

-You think he knows what he's doing?

I'm not sure I'd go THAT far.

As the battle raged between humanity and the Cyberiad,

the Cyber-Planners built a Valkyrie, to save critically damaged units

and bring them here and, one by one, repair them.

The people who vanished from the amusement park -

they were spare parts

for repairs.

We've upgraded ourselves. The next model will be undefeatable.

Nothing's undefeatable.

We needed children to build a new Cyber-Planner.

A child's brain, with its infinite potential, is perfect for our needs.

But we no longer need the children.

The Cybermites have been scanning YOUR brain, Doctor.

It's quite remarkable.

Also completely useless to you. Cybermen use human parts.

I'm not human.

You can't convert non-humans.

Well, that was true a long time ago. But we've upgraded ourselves.

Current Cyber units use almost any living components.

Aaaargh!

Incorporated. Yes.

Unfamiliar pulmonary set-up.

Nervous system hyperconductive.

Remarkable brain processing speed.

HE LAUGHS

Ooh! Amazing!

Get out of my head! Stop rummaging in my mind!

Just you try and stop me. Ooh, who's Clara?

-Why are you thinking about her so much?

-Enough!

Fascinating. A complete mental block. Highly effective.

Relax, relax.

If you just relax, you will find this a perfectly pleasant experience.

You are being upgraded

and incorporated into the Cyberiad as a Cyber-Planner.

Get out of my head!

What is this place? A network? A hive?

You're getting signals from every Cyberman everywhere.

How many of you are there?

Oh...this is brilliant!

I'm so clever already, and now I'm a million times more clever.

And what a brain! Not a human brain, not even SLIGHTLY human.

I mean, I'll have to completely rewrite the neural interface,

but this is going to be the most efficient Cyber-Planner!

Not a great name, that, is it?

I could call myself Mr Clever.

So much raw data... Time Lords.

There's information on the Time Lords in here!

Oh, this is just dreamy!

Right, I'm allowing you access to memories on Time Lord regeneration.

HE LAUGHS

Fantastic!

I could regenerate now.

Big blast of regeneration energy,

burn out any little Cyber widgets in my brain,

along with everything you're connected to.

Don't want to. You diss me up, who knows what we'll get next?

But I can.

Stalemate, then.

One of us needs to control this head.

We're too well-balanced.

What did you say?

No, no, no, I heard you.

Rhetorical device to keep me thinking about it a bit more.

Stalemate.

We each control 49.881% of this brain.

0.238 of the brain is still in the balance.

Whoever gets this gets the whole thing.

-Do you play chess?

-The rules of chess are in my memory banks.

You're proposing we play chess to end the stalemate?

Winner takes all. Nobody can access that portion

of the brain without winning the game.

You can't win!

Try me.

You understand, when I DO win, the Cyberiad gets your brains

and memories. All of it.

-When

-I

-win, you get out of my head,

you let the children go,

and nobody dies.

You got that? Nobody dies!

(RADIO) 'Castle's clear. Missy, confirm status.'

All clear in the power station.

JARRING THUD

It's Missy.

Something's out there.

'What do you mean? Is it the Cyberman?'

I don't know. I couldn't see it. It was only for a moment.

Can I hide? Is it OK if I hide?

DON'T MOVE! I'M IN THE ARMY!

Erm, ma'am, Missy said she saw something, and then she went quiet.

It's on its way, then. Weapons! Show me.

Only one gun?

Cybermen have been extinct for 1,000 years.

Even one Anti-Cyber Gun is a miracle.

These things are hand-pulsars.

Touch the back of a Cyberman's head,

the electromagnetic pulse deactivates it.

What's this for? Just a mad guess here - it blows up the planet?

Implodes it. There's also a trigger unit.

I'll have that, then. Is there any other way to activate the bomb?

It's set to respond to MY voice. I have the verbal code.

You will not activate it without a direct order from me.

I will follow my orders.

Your orders come from me. Don't they?

You'll need to sign for that trigger unit, ma'am.

Thanks.

Mind if I take one of these? Might be handy.

Help yourself. I'll teach you how to use it. Upstairs. Now.

There. That was easy.

The game...has just started.

Doctor...

why is there no record of you anywhere in the databanks

of the Cyberiad?

Oh. You're good.

You've been eliminating yourself from history.

You know, you could be reconstructed by the hole you've left.

Good point. I'll do something about that.

The rules of chess allow only a finite number of moves.

And I can use other Cyber units as remote processors.

You cannot possibly win.

I can. I know things you don't.

For example, did you know...

very early versions of the Cyber operating system could be

seriously scrambled by exposure to things, like gold or cleaning fluid?

And what's interesting is, you're still running some of that code.

Really?

That's your secret weapon?

Cleaning fluid?

Nope. Gold.

Ho-ho! Like a charm.

Right, you, Cyber...Webley.

And you, kid...things.

I'll bring the chessboard. Let's get out of here.

BEEPS

You knew it was me.

I was in the Imperial Guard on Caspertine. Mostly just parades.

But I had the honour to guard the old Emperor

during the ice picnic.

When the snow bears came and danced for us. That was a day.

We're a punishment platoon. We can't beat a Cyberman.

The Imperium has to know what's happening.

Like you said, the communicators are out.

The only way you can report this now is to activate the bomb.

-Yes.

-And I forbid you to do that.

I don't get it. Why would you blow up a whole planet,

and everybody on it, just to get rid of one Cyberman?

We tried other ways. But they only work sometimes.

So now we take drastic action. And it works.

If you find a Cyberman and you can't destroy it immediately,

you implode the planet.

I was sent here because I didn't follow orders.

I can make up for that.

Put it down, I forbid you!

Yeah. What she said.

You ran away. I will do what I was brought up to do.

Live for the Empire, fight for the Empire, die for the Empire.

This is Captain Alice Ferrin, Imperial ID 19-delta-13B.

Activate...

Cyberman! Get down!

The Doctor said to get somewhere easily defensible.

But if we stay in the castle, it'll pick us off one by one.

-We have to take it out.

-Is that an order, ma'am?

-Yes.

-Good.

You know what to do.

Pulse to the back of the head.

Fry the brain circuit interface.

It's going to be hard to get in close enough.

I've heard about the Cybermen since I was in my cradle.

I'm not afraid of you!

Now!

-Hold it right there!

-What's happening to them?

One more step, and I fire!

Don't fire that.

A pulse will deactivate them. And anyway...

it's a waste of charge. We may need it again.

You don't think that was the only one, then?

Don't shoot, don't shoot! I'm nice!

Please, don't shoot! Hey, Clara, you haven't let them blow up the planet.

-Good job.

-Did you get the kids? Are they all right?

-What's going on?

-Bit of a good news/bad news/good news again

thing going on. So... Good news - I've kidnapped their Cyber-Planner,

and right now I'm sort of in control of this Cyberman.

-Bad news?

-Bad news - the Cyber-Planner's in my head.

And DIFFERENT bad news - the kids are... Well, it's complicated.

Complicated how?

Complicated, as in walking coma.

-Please tell me you can wake them up.

-Hope so.

-Other good news?

-Well, in other good news,

there are a few more repaired and reactivated Cybermen on the way.

And the Cyber-Planner's installing a patch for the gold thing.

No, wait, that isn't not good news, is it? Um, so...

Good news - I have a very good chance of winning my chess match.

-What?

-I'll explain later. In a bit of a hurry.

Get me to a table.

And somebody tie me up!

Need hands free for chess.

And immobilise me.

Quickly.

Right, that's good. I won't be able to move, but...hands free. Good.

-You're playing chess with yourself?

-And winning.

-VOICE SPEAKS THROUGH THE DOCTOR:

-Actually,

he has no better than a 25% chance

of winning at this stage in the game.

Some very dodgy moves at the beginning. Hello, flesh-girl.

Fantastic! I'm the Cyber-Planner.

-Doctor...?

-Afraid not. I'm working the mouth now. Allons-y!

Oh, you should see the state of these neurons -

he's had some cowboys in here. Ten complete re-jigs.

-You aren't the Doctor.

-No, but I know who YOU are.

You're the impossible girl.

Ooh, he's very interested in you.

Why am I impossible?

Hasn't he told you? The sly devil.

Oh, dear me. Soon, we wake, we'll strip you down for spare parts,

then build a spaceship and move on.

-More Cybermen?

-They're waking from their tomb right now.

You can either die or live on as one of us.

-The Doctor will stop you.

-He can't even access the lips.

Owwww!

Ow! Oh, that hurt! No, stop!

Enough! Bit of pain, neural surge - just what I needed. Thanks.

Why am I the impossible girl?

-It's a thing in my head. I'll explain later.

-Chess game - stakes?

If he wins, I give up my mind and he gets access to all my memories,

along with knowledge of time travel.

-But if

-I

-win, he'll break his promises to get out of my head

-and then kill us anyway.

-That's not reassuring.

-No.

Please tell me you can fix what happened to the children.

Children. Yeah. They're fine.

Right now their brains are just in stand-by mode.

-That is not fine!

-Listen, right now,

they have a better chance of getting out of all this alive than you do.

Which one of you said that?

Me. Cyber-Planner. Mr Clever. Now, if you don't mind,

I have a chess game to finish.

And YOU have to die - pointlessly and very far from home.

Toodle-oo.

Apparently there are more Cybermen on the way.

There's at least a dozen more shots left in the gun

before it needs to recharge.

We might have more than a dozen Cybermen to worry about.

-What's that cable?

-Power line for the park.

What'd happen if we dropped the end into the moat and turned it on?

Fry anything that entered the water.

-Can Cybermen fly?

-No, ma'am.

First good news of the day. Do it.

(Stop that!) I felt that.

Of course you did. It's time to get up.

(Wakey wakey, boys and girls.)

Wakey wakey.

-There. Get that in you. Warm you up.

-Oh, thank you, Porridge.

Oi, Clara!

-I'll see what he wants. Call me if there's any change.

-Right.

Hey! Clara, there you are. Now, quick rundown.

What's our weapons strength?

One big gun, five of those hand pulsar units

-and a shiny black bomb that implodes the planet.

-Yeah. That one.

Tell me, does it happen, possibly, to have a remote triggery thing?

-Brilliant. Pass it here.

-No.

-Why not?

-In case you're not you right now.

-Or even if you are you, just in case.

-Oh, don't worry.

(The Cyber-Planner's hibernating between moves right now.) Sssh.

Prove you're you. Tell me something only the Doctor knows.

Clara...

I suppose...

I'm the only one who knows how I feel about you right now.

How funny you are - so funny...

..and pretty.

And the truth is, I'm starting to like you

in a way that is more than just...

Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! It's me!

That really hurt! How did you know that was him?!

Because even if that WAS true - which it's obviously not -

I know you that you would rather die than say it.

Finish your stupid game!

-Doctor, let go.

-I can't. He's got control of the left arm.

Aaargh! Aaaargh! No! No!

Aaargh! Aaargh! Aaargh!

Doctor?

He got what he wanted. He destroyed the trigger.

-My move.

-What do you mean, he got what he wanted?

He means...

good news, boys and girls!

THEY'RE HEERE!

One gun, five hand pulsars

and a planet-smashing bomb that doesn't work any more.

-Why not?

-Broken trigger unit.

But you signed for that.

I've learned so much from you, Doctor.

It's been an education.

But now it's time for the endgame.

Brilliant.

-ROBOTIC VOICE:

-Upgrade in progress.

Damn.

-Who's our best shot?

-Probably it's me.

Shoot any of them who make it across.

The rest of you, take defensive positions. Porridge?

-Yes?

-Keep yourself safe.

Alice Ferrin...

you should have destroyed this planet when you had the chance.

They're nearly here.

Now, you can take my bishop and keep limping on for a little longer.

Or you can sacrifice your queen,

and get the children back,

but it's mate in five moves.

And I get your mind.

Take my queen. And give me back the children.

Emotions! Can't you see what a foolish move that was?

You've lost the game!

Kids! Back! Now!

Emotions, Doctor -

all for two human children you barely know.

And it was a pointless sacrifice anyway.

So, Doctor...

do you think the children's death will affect your relationship

with Miss Clara?

Welcome to Webley's World Of Wonders, children.

Now presenting delights, delicacies...

-and death.

-Doctor!

Angie, are you, OK? Just look after Artie, OK?

Upgrade in progress.

Your move. But before you take it, just so you know,

sacrificing my queen was the best possible move I could have made.

The Time Lords invented chess.

It's our game.

And if you don't avoid MY trap, it gives ME mate in three moves.

How?

I've got no charge left!

How?

Oh, come on. Call yourself a chess-playing robot?

How?!

CHUCKLES

You figure it out!

Or don't you have the processing power? Hmm?

Please stand by - you will be upgraded.

Welcome to the Cyberiad.

You will be upgraded.

-VOICES DISTORT AND SLOW DOWN

-Welcome to the Cyberiad.

You will be upgraded...

You will be upgraded...

What are you doing?

Doctor. Doctor, Doctor, Doctor,

Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor!

I'm pulling in extra processing power.

Three million Cyberbrains are working on one tiny chess problem.

How long do you think it's going to take us to solve it?

-That's cheating!

-No, no, no, no, no. Just pulling in the local resources.

Woo-oo-oo.

There's no way you can get to mate in three moves.

Three moves! Want to know what they are?

You're lying!

No!

Move one -

turn on sonic screwdriver.

Move two - activate pulsar.

Move three - amplify pulsar.

BEEPING

See ya.

GROANS

That's cheating!

Just taking advantage of the local resources.

-Ah, hello. Can someone untie me, please?

-Do you think I'm pretty?

No! You're too short and bossy, and your nose is all funny.

Good enough. What happened to the Cyber-Planner?

Out of my head and redistributed across three million Cybermen.

About to wake them up, kill us and start constructing a spaceship.

We need to destroy this planet before they can get off it.

OK.

It has a fallback voice activation.

The Captain. But she's dead.

-I think you should ask Porridge.

-Why?

Well, he is the Emperor. I bet HE knows the activation codes.

Oh, come on, it's obvious.

He looks exactly like he does on the coin

and on the waxwork, except they made him a bit taller, but...

Look, am I the only one paying attention to ANYTHING around here?

You are full of surprises. Porridge?

-She's right.

-So you can save us?

We all die in the end. Does it matter how?

-What do we do?

-I don't want to be Emperor.

If I activate that bomb, it's all over.

And if you don't,

three million Cybermen will spread across the galaxy.

Isn't that worth dying for?

-Doctor...

-Three million Cybermen!

The bomb, the throne, it's all connected.

I just have to say,

"This is Emperor Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, called Longstaff the 41st,

"the defender of humanity, imperator of known space.

"Activate the Desolator." And it's done.

BUZZING

It'll blow in about 80 seconds.

Easily long enough for the Imperial Flagship to locate me

from my identification, warp-jump into orbit,

and transmat us to the State Room.

Oh, yeah! Nice ship.

Bit big. Not blue enough.

Listen, there is a large blue box at co-ordinates six ultra 19P.

I need it transmatted up here right away.

Right. Did you get that?

And that's that. 76, 77, 78, 79...

Fairwell, Cyberiad.

You know...it was GOOD to get away.

Good to be a person and not to be lonely

or Emperor of 1,000 galaxies,

with everybody waiting for ME to tell them what to do.

Can't you run away again?

They'll be keeping a close eye on me this time.

That's what happens when you're Emperor -

loneliest job in the Universe.

You don't have to be lonely.

I don't.

Clara...

will you marry me?

-What?

-He said...

She heard what he said.

You're smart and you're beautiful,

and I've never met anyone like you before.

And being Emperor won't be as hard if you're by my side.

And you'd rule 1,000 galaxies.

This sounds like an actual marriage proposal - tricky.

Now, if you want my advice...

You - not one word. This is between me and the...Emperor.

Porridge,

I...don't want to rule 1,000 galaxies.

Yeah.

Silly of me.

I'm really sorry.

But that's stupid. You could be queen of the universe.

How can you say no to that?

When someone asks you if you want to be queen of the universe,

you say, "Yes."

You watch. One day, I'LL be queen of the universe.

Of course, I could have you all executed -

which is what a proper Emperor would do.

You're not actually going to do that, though, are you...?

Oh, you're...! Hey?

Go on, get out of here, all of you,

before I change my mind.

Thank you for having me. It was very interesting.

My pleasure. Thank you for coming.

Now, I've got something for you.

It's not from me, it's from the TARDIS.

Ah! New phone.

Thanks! Sorry I said this box was stupid.

-Bye!

-Bye!

-Thanks, Clara. Thanks, Clara's boyfriend.

-Thank you, Doctor.

-For what?

Kids' day out, getting us off the planet alive,

whatever you were doing with the Cybermen...

Good night.

See you next Wednesday.

Well...a Wednesday, definitely. Next Wednesday, last Wednesday...

one of the Wednesdays.

Impossible girl.

A mystery wrapped in an enigma squeezed into a skirt

that's just a little bit too...tight.

What are you?

Signs of any Cybertech remaining?

No, Majesty.

You ever wanted to be Emperor, Gloria?

No, Majesty.

That's the right answer. Come on. Let's go home.

There is one place you must never go.

Where?

This is the Doctor's greatest secret.

And it is discovered.

-He can't go there, you know he can't.

-I have a duty.

You just said it's the one place you must never go.

I'm about to cross my own timeline and the TARDIS doesn't like it.

Die, reptile!

Doctor! Doctor!

What is your name?

Please, stop it!

Doctor Who?!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd