Nightmare in Silver Doctor Who


Nightmare in Silver

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METALLIC THRUMMING

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DOOR CREAKS

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Well, here we are. Hedgewick's World -

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the biggest and best amusement park there will ever be

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and we've got a golden ticket!

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-Eh, eh? Fun!

-Fun?

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Your stupid box can't even get us to the right place.

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-This is, like, a moon base or something.

-It's not the moon.

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Actually, I think it does look like the moon. Only dirtier.

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Hey, guys it's not the moon, OK?

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It's a Spacey Zoomer ride, or it was.

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Psst! 'Scuse I. I don't suppose you happen to be my lift off planet?

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-Dave's Discount Interstellar Removals?

-'Fraid not.

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They were meant to be here six months ago.

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That's Dave for you, see, unreliable.

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-Stay where you are!

-Oops.

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Throw down your weapons and identify yourselves.

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No. No weapons! Golden ticket!

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Spacey Zoomer? Free ice cream?

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Who are you? This planet is closed, by Imperial order.

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How's this?

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Oh. Welcome, Proconsul. I wish they'd told us you were coming.

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Any news of the Emperor?

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Oh, the Emperor... No, no, none that you'd, er...

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We pray for his return.

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If there is anything you need, my platoon is at your service.

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Right! Righty-oh. Well, carry on, Captain.

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Platoon, let's move out.

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On the double. Two, three, four! Two, three, four!

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Two, three, four!

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Have they gone?

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Yes.

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Uniforms give me the heebie-jeebies. Come on.

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They can't stop me being here, but they don't like it.

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Ha-ha! You see?

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I told you it was amazing. Well, it used to be.

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It closed down. Wish I'd known that before I landed here.

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But let me show you my collection.

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Come along, follow me, this way. This way in, come on.

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Welcome to my show...

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Webley's World of Wonders. Miracles, marvels and more await you.

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I am impresario Webley.

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HE COUGHS

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You see before you waxwork representations of the famous...

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and the infamous.

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Anybody here play chess?

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Perhaps you, young man?

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Actually, I'm in my school chess club.

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Ah, follow me.

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Now, let me demonstrate to you all the wonder of the age,

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the miracle of modernity.

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We defeated them all, a thousand years ago.

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But now he's back, to destroy you.

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Behold! The enemy!

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Cyberman! Get down!

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No need to panic, my young friends.

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We all know there are no more living Cybermen.

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What you are seeing is a miracle - the 699th wonder of the universe.

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As displayed before the Imperial court,

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and only here to destroy you - at chess!

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Careful now. An empty shell.

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And yet it moves.

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-How?

-Magic.

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That might well be, young lady.

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A single penny wins you five Imperial shillings

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if you can beat this empty shell at chess.

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I haven't got a penny. But I've got a sandwich.

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All right, take a seat.

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It is free of all devices, and yet it has never been beaten.

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Would you like to make the first move, young man?

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Oh, no, Artie. No, don't do that, it...

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It's a fool's mate.

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If you can tell me how it works, I'll give you a silver penny.

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I think...you do it with mirrors.

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Hmm, mirrors, clever girl. Well, let's see, hey? Low tech.

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It's a puppet, monofilament strings, which means the brains are in...

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-Hello.

-Hello.

-I'm the brains.

-Hello. Give us a hand.

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They call me Porridge.

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Ah, it's good to be out of that box.

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For you, Miss...an Imperial penny.

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I have not one but THREE Cybermen in my collection.

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-Is that the king?

-Emperor.

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Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, etc, etc, the 41st - defender of humanity,

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-imperator of known space.

-He looks a bit full of himself.

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Don't say things like that about the Imperial family -

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you can end up on the run for the rest of your life.

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They don't sound very nice.

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Go on. If the kids want to ride the Spacey Zoomer,

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then I can operate the gravity console.

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Angie!

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-THEY GIGGLE

-Whoa!

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Smile! Say, "Spacey Zoomer!"

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-We're flying!

-Having a good time?

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I think that was the most fun I've had in my whole life.

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It was...

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OK.

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Clara? I think outer space is actually very interesting.

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Right, wonderful day out, Doctor, but it's time to get the kids home.

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Yeah. Um, no. Not actually ready to leave.

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-Why not?

-I dunno. Reasons.

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-What reasons?

-Insects. Funny insects.

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I should add them to my funny insect collection.

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-You collect funny insects?

-Yeah, I'm starting to.

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Right now.

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How long do we have to stay here?

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Not long. Have a nap. I'll wake you when we're ready to leave.

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-Comfy?

-(Sleep well.)

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Good night.

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Don't wander off.

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I'm not just saying, "Don't wander off" - I MEAN it.

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Otherwise you'll wander off, and the next thing you know,

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somebody's going to have to start rescuing somebody.

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-From what?

-Nothing. Nobody needs rescuing from anything.

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Don't wander off.

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Sweet dreams.

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Mmm. Mmm!

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Total takings for the day - one sandwich.

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Better than no sandwich, of course.

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Not as good as TWO sandwiches, or even a chicken...

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That's a bit odd.

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That's not funny, give me my hands back.

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-Upgrade in progress!

-HE SCREAMS

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I HATE the future. It's stupid.

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There's not even phone service. I'm out of here.

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The Doctor said to not wander off.

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He said that,

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-and then he wandered off.

-I don't think Clara would like that.

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-She's not our mum.

-Don't leave me here.

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Was this really the biggest amusement park in the universe?

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Yeah. Hedgewick bought the planet cheap.

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-It'd been trashed in the Cyber-Wars.

-Who were we fighting?

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Cybermen. Technologically upgraded warriors. We couldn't win.

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Sometimes we fought to a draw,

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but then they'd upgrade themselves, fix their weaknesses and destroy us.

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It's hard to fight an enemy that uses your armies as spare parts.

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You beat them, though - beat them or you wouldn't be here. How?

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Look up there - that corner of the sky. What do you see?

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Nothing. It's just black.

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No stars, no nothing.

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Used to be the Tiberion Spiral Galaxy. A million star systems.

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A hundred million worlds. A billion trillion people.

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It's not there any more. No more Tiberion galaxy. No more Cybermen.

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It was effective.

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-It's horrible.

-Yeah.

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I feel like a monster sometimes.

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Why?

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Because instead of mourning a billion trillion dead people,

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I just feel sorry for the poor blighter

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who had to press the button and blow it all up.

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Clara! Did you tell Angie she could go to the barracks?

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You KNOW I didn't.

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-She hasn't...

-She's just gone in there.

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Come on.

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-I can't fix this.

-It can't be broken.

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It's a solid state sub-ether ansible class communicator.

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Just run the diagnostics.

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There's nothing left to diagnose. It's not broken. It's empty.

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-All the components have gone.

-Well, you must have replacement parts.

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Not enough to build a new one.

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Captain, the weather-controller is malfunctioning again.

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There's storms, heat waves, snow.

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-CLANGING

-Hello. I'm bored!

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Where's your big sister?

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Clara? She's not my sister. She's stupid.

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She's talking to Porridge.

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She talks to her porridge?

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Porridge. That little bloke.

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We need to have a chat.

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I'm not scared, if you're wondering.

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I just think I ought to turn the lights back on.

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So, tell me about the little bloke.

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Well, you must have seen him.

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-Angie, Angie!

-She has to turn up and spoil everything!

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I wasn't doing anything! Why can't you just leave me alone?!

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THUMP!

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Cyberman!

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Angie!

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Attack formation!

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No!

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Attack formation - quickly!

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Upgrade in progress!

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Angie!

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SHE SCREAMS

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-Angie!

-Clara, Clara...!

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That was a Cyberman! But they're extinct.

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Listen to me, I will get her back. Captain, a word, please.

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Now, correct me if I'm wrong,

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but I take it your platoon doesn't do much fighting?

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-What do you expect?

-What?

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We're a punishment platoon.

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It's why they sent us out here, so we can't get into trouble.

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Ah, right, right, well, OK. As Imperial Consul,

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I am putting Clara in charge.

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Clara, stay alive until I get back,

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and don't let anyone blow up this planet.

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Is that something they're likely to do?

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-Get to somewhere defensible.

-Where are YOU going?

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I'm getting Angie, finding Artie and looking for funny insects.

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Stay alive. And you lot, no blowing up this planet!

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Put me down! I hate you!

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Artie? Artie, what's happening?

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Please stand by.

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You will be upgraded.

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SHE SCREAMS

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Cyberiad class weaponry. I've taken it out of storage.

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Good. We need to find somewhere defensible. Where?

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The beach, the Giant's Cauldron...

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Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle.

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Real castle? Drawbridge? Moat?

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Yes. But comical.

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We'll go there.

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Ma'am... My platoon can deal with one Cyberman.

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And there are protocols if we cannot immediately find and destroy it.

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-Blowing-up-the-planet protocols?

-Respectfully, ma'am...

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Somewhere defensible. No blowing up the planet.

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She's your commanding officer now, isn't she, Captain?

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Yes...

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..sir.

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-You really saw a Cyberman?

-We really did.

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-Have you reported it to the Imperium?

-No communicators.

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So you're going to do what she says.

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Right, let's all spend the night at Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle.

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Artie?

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Firstly,

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if anybody's watching this,

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those children are under my protection. I'm coming to get them.

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And secondly...

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little metal machine...

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..you are beautiful.

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Not even a Cybermat any more, eh?

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Cybermites?

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Now...there's a local transmat link open to your home.

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If I can just find the frequency...

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Hey, that really shouldn't have worked.

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-Doctor, help us.

-Angie! Artie!

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-Webley?

-We needed children, but the children had stopped coming.

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You brought us children.

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Hail to you, the Doctor, saviour of the Cybermen!

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-What would the Empire do if they WERE alerted?

-I told you -

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tell me to blow up the planet.

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After they got us off?

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-Captain, you want to take that one?

-No, ma'am. Just blow the sucker up.

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Drawbridge, moat - brilliant.

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With respect, ma'am, we ought to be hunting the creature.

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The only reason I'm still alive is because I do what the Doctor says.

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Can you guarantee me you'd bring back my children alive and unharmed?

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-I trust the Doctor.

-You think he knows what he's doing?

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I'm not sure I'd go THAT far.

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As the battle raged between humanity and the Cyberiad,

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the Cyber-Planners built a Valkyrie, to save critically damaged units

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and bring them here and, one by one, repair them.

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The people who vanished from the amusement park -

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they were spare parts

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for repairs.

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We've upgraded ourselves. The next model will be undefeatable.

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Nothing's undefeatable.

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We needed children to build a new Cyber-Planner.

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A child's brain, with its infinite potential, is perfect for our needs.

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But we no longer need the children.

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The Cybermites have been scanning YOUR brain, Doctor.

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It's quite remarkable.

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Also completely useless to you. Cybermen use human parts.

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I'm not human.

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You can't convert non-humans.

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Well, that was true a long time ago. But we've upgraded ourselves.

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Current Cyber units use almost any living components.

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Aaaargh!

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Incorporated. Yes.

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Unfamiliar pulmonary set-up.

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Nervous system hyperconductive.

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Remarkable brain processing speed.

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HE LAUGHS

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Ooh! Amazing!

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Get out of my head! Stop rummaging in my mind!

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Just you try and stop me. Ooh, who's Clara?

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-Why are you thinking about her so much?

-Enough!

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Fascinating. A complete mental block. Highly effective.

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Relax, relax.

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If you just relax, you will find this a perfectly pleasant experience.

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You are being upgraded

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and incorporated into the Cyberiad as a Cyber-Planner.

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Get out of my head!

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What is this place? A network? A hive?

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You're getting signals from every Cyberman everywhere.

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How many of you are there?

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Oh...this is brilliant!

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I'm so clever already, and now I'm a million times more clever.

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And what a brain! Not a human brain, not even SLIGHTLY human.

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I mean, I'll have to completely rewrite the neural interface,

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but this is going to be the most efficient Cyber-Planner!

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Not a great name, that, is it?

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I could call myself Mr Clever.

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So much raw data... Time Lords.

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There's information on the Time Lords in here!

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Oh, this is just dreamy!

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Right, I'm allowing you access to memories on Time Lord regeneration.

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HE LAUGHS

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Fantastic!

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I could regenerate now.

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Big blast of regeneration energy,

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burn out any little Cyber widgets in my brain,

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along with everything you're connected to.

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Don't want to. You diss me up, who knows what we'll get next?

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But I can.

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Stalemate, then.

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One of us needs to control this head.

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We're too well-balanced.

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What did you say?

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No, no, no, I heard you.

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Rhetorical device to keep me thinking about it a bit more.

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Stalemate.

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We each control 49.881% of this brain.

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0.238 of the brain is still in the balance.

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Whoever gets this gets the whole thing.

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-Do you play chess?

-The rules of chess are in my memory banks.

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You're proposing we play chess to end the stalemate?

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Winner takes all. Nobody can access that portion

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of the brain without winning the game.

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You can't win!

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Try me.

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You understand, when I DO win, the Cyberiad gets your brains

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and memories. All of it.

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-When

-I

-win, you get out of my head,

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you let the children go,

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and nobody dies.

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You got that? Nobody dies!

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(RADIO) 'Castle's clear. Missy, confirm status.'

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All clear in the power station.

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JARRING THUD

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It's Missy.

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Something's out there.

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'What do you mean? Is it the Cyberman?'

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I don't know. I couldn't see it. It was only for a moment.

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Can I hide? Is it OK if I hide?

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DON'T MOVE! I'M IN THE ARMY!

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Erm, ma'am, Missy said she saw something, and then she went quiet.

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It's on its way, then. Weapons! Show me.

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Only one gun?

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Cybermen have been extinct for 1,000 years.

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Even one Anti-Cyber Gun is a miracle.

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These things are hand-pulsars.

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Touch the back of a Cyberman's head,

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the electromagnetic pulse deactivates it.

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What's this for? Just a mad guess here - it blows up the planet?

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Implodes it. There's also a trigger unit.

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I'll have that, then. Is there any other way to activate the bomb?

0:21:010:21:04

It's set to respond to MY voice. I have the verbal code.

0:21:040:21:07

You will not activate it without a direct order from me.

0:21:070:21:10

I will follow my orders.

0:21:150:21:16

Your orders come from me. Don't they?

0:21:160:21:20

You'll need to sign for that trigger unit, ma'am.

0:21:230:21:25

Thanks.

0:21:250:21:27

Mind if I take one of these? Might be handy.

0:21:270:21:29

Help yourself. I'll teach you how to use it. Upstairs. Now.

0:21:310:21:35

There. That was easy.

0:21:390:21:41

The game...has just started.

0:21:430:21:46

Doctor...

0:21:460:21:47

why is there no record of you anywhere in the databanks

0:21:470:21:51

of the Cyberiad?

0:21:510:21:52

Oh. You're good.

0:21:540:21:57

You've been eliminating yourself from history.

0:21:570:22:00

You know, you could be reconstructed by the hole you've left.

0:22:000:22:04

Good point. I'll do something about that.

0:22:080:22:11

The rules of chess allow only a finite number of moves.

0:22:110:22:13

And I can use other Cyber units as remote processors.

0:22:130:22:16

You cannot possibly win.

0:22:160:22:18

I can. I know things you don't.

0:22:180:22:20

For example, did you know...

0:22:200:22:22

very early versions of the Cyber operating system could be

0:22:220:22:25

seriously scrambled by exposure to things, like gold or cleaning fluid?

0:22:250:22:29

And what's interesting is, you're still running some of that code.

0:22:290:22:34

Really?

0:22:340:22:36

That's your secret weapon?

0:22:360:22:38

Cleaning fluid?

0:22:400:22:42

Nope. Gold.

0:22:430:22:46

Ho-ho! Like a charm.

0:22:460:22:48

Right, you, Cyber...Webley.

0:22:480:22:50

And you, kid...things.

0:22:500:22:52

I'll bring the chessboard. Let's get out of here.

0:22:520:22:56

BEEPS

0:22:560:22:58

You knew it was me.

0:22:580:23:00

I was in the Imperial Guard on Caspertine. Mostly just parades.

0:23:020:23:05

But I had the honour to guard the old Emperor

0:23:050:23:08

during the ice picnic.

0:23:080:23:09

When the snow bears came and danced for us. That was a day.

0:23:090:23:13

We're a punishment platoon. We can't beat a Cyberman.

0:23:130:23:16

The Imperium has to know what's happening.

0:23:160:23:18

Like you said, the communicators are out.

0:23:180:23:20

The only way you can report this now is to activate the bomb.

0:23:200:23:23

-Yes.

-And I forbid you to do that.

0:23:230:23:25

I don't get it. Why would you blow up a whole planet,

0:23:250:23:28

and everybody on it, just to get rid of one Cyberman?

0:23:280:23:31

We tried other ways. But they only work sometimes.

0:23:310:23:34

So now we take drastic action. And it works.

0:23:340:23:36

If you find a Cyberman and you can't destroy it immediately,

0:23:360:23:40

you implode the planet.

0:23:400:23:43

I was sent here because I didn't follow orders.

0:23:430:23:45

I can make up for that.

0:23:450:23:47

Put it down, I forbid you!

0:23:500:23:52

Yeah. What she said.

0:23:520:23:54

You ran away. I will do what I was brought up to do.

0:23:540:23:56

Live for the Empire, fight for the Empire, die for the Empire.

0:23:560:23:59

This is Captain Alice Ferrin, Imperial ID 19-delta-13B.

0:23:590:24:05

Activate...

0:24:050:24:06

Cyberman! Get down!

0:24:060:24:08

The Doctor said to get somewhere easily defensible.

0:24:180:24:21

But if we stay in the castle, it'll pick us off one by one.

0:24:210:24:23

-We have to take it out.

-Is that an order, ma'am?

0:24:230:24:26

-Yes.

-Good.

0:24:300:24:33

You know what to do.

0:24:330:24:34

Pulse to the back of the head.

0:24:340:24:36

Fry the brain circuit interface.

0:24:360:24:38

It's going to be hard to get in close enough.

0:24:380:24:41

I've heard about the Cybermen since I was in my cradle.

0:25:170:25:20

I'm not afraid of you!

0:25:200:25:23

Now!

0:25:230:25:24

-Hold it right there!

-What's happening to them?

0:25:310:25:33

One more step, and I fire!

0:25:380:25:40

Don't fire that.

0:25:400:25:42

A pulse will deactivate them. And anyway...

0:25:420:25:45

it's a waste of charge. We may need it again.

0:25:450:25:48

You don't think that was the only one, then?

0:25:480:25:50

Don't shoot, don't shoot! I'm nice!

0:25:570:25:59

Please, don't shoot! Hey, Clara, you haven't let them blow up the planet.

0:25:590:26:02

-Good job.

-Did you get the kids? Are they all right?

0:26:020:26:06

-What's going on?

-Bit of a good news/bad news/good news again

0:26:060:26:08

thing going on. So... Good news - I've kidnapped their Cyber-Planner,

0:26:080:26:12

and right now I'm sort of in control of this Cyberman.

0:26:120:26:14

-Bad news?

-Bad news - the Cyber-Planner's in my head.

0:26:140:26:17

And DIFFERENT bad news - the kids are... Well, it's complicated.

0:26:170:26:24

Complicated how?

0:26:240:26:26

Complicated, as in walking coma.

0:26:260:26:29

-Please tell me you can wake them up.

-Hope so.

0:26:340:26:36

-Other good news?

-Well, in other good news,

0:26:360:26:38

there are a few more repaired and reactivated Cybermen on the way.

0:26:380:26:42

And the Cyber-Planner's installing a patch for the gold thing.

0:26:420:26:45

No, wait, that isn't not good news, is it? Um, so...

0:26:450:26:48

Good news - I have a very good chance of winning my chess match.

0:26:480:26:51

-What?

-I'll explain later. In a bit of a hurry.

0:26:510:26:55

Get me to a table.

0:26:550:26:56

And somebody tie me up!

0:26:560:26:58

Need hands free for chess.

0:26:580:27:00

And immobilise me.

0:27:010:27:03

Quickly.

0:27:030:27:04

Right, that's good. I won't be able to move, but...hands free. Good.

0:27:050:27:08

-You're playing chess with yourself?

-And winning.

0:27:080:27:11

-VOICE SPEAKS THROUGH THE DOCTOR:

-Actually,

0:27:120:27:14

he has no better than a 25% chance

0:27:140:27:16

of winning at this stage in the game.

0:27:160:27:18

Some very dodgy moves at the beginning. Hello, flesh-girl.

0:27:180:27:21

Fantastic! I'm the Cyber-Planner.

0:27:210:27:24

-Doctor...?

-Afraid not. I'm working the mouth now. Allons-y!

0:27:240:27:28

Oh, you should see the state of these neurons -

0:27:280:27:30

he's had some cowboys in here. Ten complete re-jigs.

0:27:300:27:32

-You aren't the Doctor.

-No, but I know who YOU are.

0:27:320:27:36

You're the impossible girl.

0:27:360:27:38

Ooh, he's very interested in you.

0:27:390:27:43

Why am I impossible?

0:27:430:27:44

Hasn't he told you? The sly devil.

0:27:440:27:46

Oh, dear me. Soon, we wake, we'll strip you down for spare parts,

0:27:460:27:49

then build a spaceship and move on.

0:27:490:27:51

-More Cybermen?

-They're waking from their tomb right now.

0:27:510:27:54

You can either die or live on as one of us.

0:27:540:27:57

-The Doctor will stop you.

-He can't even access the lips.

0:27:570:28:00

Owwww!

0:28:000:28:02

Ow! Oh, that hurt! No, stop!

0:28:020:28:05

Enough! Bit of pain, neural surge - just what I needed. Thanks.

0:28:050:28:09

Why am I the impossible girl?

0:28:090:28:11

-It's a thing in my head. I'll explain later.

-Chess game - stakes?

0:28:110:28:13

If he wins, I give up my mind and he gets access to all my memories,

0:28:130:28:16

along with knowledge of time travel.

0:28:160:28:18

-But if

-I

-win, he'll break his promises to get out of my head

0:28:180:28:21

-and then kill us anyway.

-That's not reassuring.

-No.

0:28:210:28:23

Please tell me you can fix what happened to the children.

0:28:230:28:26

Children. Yeah. They're fine.

0:28:260:28:27

Right now their brains are just in stand-by mode.

0:28:270:28:30

-That is not fine!

-Listen, right now,

0:28:300:28:32

they have a better chance of getting out of all this alive than you do.

0:28:320:28:37

Which one of you said that?

0:28:370:28:39

Me. Cyber-Planner. Mr Clever. Now, if you don't mind,

0:28:400:28:45

I have a chess game to finish.

0:28:450:28:48

And YOU have to die - pointlessly and very far from home.

0:28:480:28:54

Toodle-oo.

0:28:570:28:58

Apparently there are more Cybermen on the way.

0:29:020:29:04

There's at least a dozen more shots left in the gun

0:29:040:29:07

before it needs to recharge.

0:29:070:29:08

We might have more than a dozen Cybermen to worry about.

0:29:080:29:11

-What's that cable?

-Power line for the park.

0:29:110:29:13

What'd happen if we dropped the end into the moat and turned it on?

0:29:130:29:15

Fry anything that entered the water.

0:29:150:29:17

-Can Cybermen fly?

-No, ma'am.

0:29:170:29:20

First good news of the day. Do it.

0:29:200:29:22

(Stop that!) I felt that.

0:29:380:29:42

Of course you did. It's time to get up.

0:29:420:29:44

(Wakey wakey, boys and girls.)

0:29:460:29:49

Wakey wakey.

0:29:490:29:53

-There. Get that in you. Warm you up.

-Oh, thank you, Porridge.

0:30:200:30:24

Oi, Clara!

0:30:240:30:26

-I'll see what he wants. Call me if there's any change.

-Right.

0:30:260:30:30

Hey! Clara, there you are. Now, quick rundown.

0:30:370:30:41

What's our weapons strength?

0:30:410:30:43

One big gun, five of those hand pulsar units

0:30:430:30:45

-and a shiny black bomb that implodes the planet.

-Yeah. That one.

0:30:450:30:48

Tell me, does it happen, possibly, to have a remote triggery thing?

0:30:480:30:51

-Brilliant. Pass it here.

-No.

0:30:510:30:53

-Why not?

-In case you're not you right now.

0:30:530:30:55

-Or even if you are you, just in case.

-Oh, don't worry.

0:30:550:30:57

(The Cyber-Planner's hibernating between moves right now.) Sssh.

0:30:570:31:02

Prove you're you. Tell me something only the Doctor knows.

0:31:020:31:06

Clara...

0:31:100:31:11

I suppose...

0:31:130:31:15

I'm the only one who knows how I feel about you right now.

0:31:150:31:19

How funny you are - so funny...

0:31:200:31:23

..and pretty.

0:31:250:31:27

And the truth is, I'm starting to like you

0:31:270:31:30

in a way that is more than just...

0:31:300:31:32

Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! It's me!

0:31:320:31:37

That really hurt! How did you know that was him?!

0:31:370:31:40

Because even if that WAS true - which it's obviously not -

0:31:400:31:42

I know you that you would rather die than say it.

0:31:420:31:44

Finish your stupid game!

0:31:440:31:46

-Doctor, let go.

-I can't. He's got control of the left arm.

0:31:480:31:51

Aaargh! Aaaargh! No! No!

0:31:510:31:55

Aaargh! Aaargh! Aaargh!

0:31:550:31:59

Doctor?

0:32:010:32:03

He got what he wanted. He destroyed the trigger.

0:32:030:32:05

-My move.

-What do you mean, he got what he wanted?

0:32:050:32:08

He means...

0:32:080:32:10

good news, boys and girls!

0:32:100:32:14

THEY'RE HEERE!

0:32:140:32:18

One gun, five hand pulsars

0:32:360:32:38

and a planet-smashing bomb that doesn't work any more.

0:32:380:32:40

-Why not?

-Broken trigger unit.

0:32:400:32:42

But you signed for that.

0:32:420:32:44

I've learned so much from you, Doctor.

0:32:440:32:48

It's been an education.

0:32:480:32:50

But now it's time for the endgame.

0:32:500:32:54

Brilliant.

0:33:080:33:09

-ROBOTIC VOICE:

-Upgrade in progress.

0:33:110:33:14

Damn.

0:33:150:33:16

-Who's our best shot?

-Probably it's me.

0:33:180:33:21

Shoot any of them who make it across.

0:33:210:33:23

The rest of you, take defensive positions. Porridge?

0:33:230:33:26

-Yes?

-Keep yourself safe.

0:33:260:33:27

Alice Ferrin...

0:33:430:33:44

you should have destroyed this planet when you had the chance.

0:33:440:33:48

They're nearly here.

0:33:480:33:50

Now, you can take my bishop and keep limping on for a little longer.

0:33:500:33:55

Or you can sacrifice your queen,

0:33:550:33:59

and get the children back,

0:33:590:34:02

but it's mate in five moves.

0:34:020:34:04

And I get your mind.

0:34:040:34:06

Take my queen. And give me back the children.

0:34:160:34:20

Emotions! Can't you see what a foolish move that was?

0:34:220:34:26

You've lost the game!

0:34:260:34:28

Kids! Back! Now!

0:34:280:34:31

Emotions, Doctor -

0:34:400:34:44

all for two human children you barely know.

0:34:440:34:49

And it was a pointless sacrifice anyway.

0:34:490:34:52

So, Doctor...

0:34:550:34:57

do you think the children's death will affect your relationship

0:34:570:35:01

with Miss Clara?

0:35:010:35:03

Welcome to Webley's World Of Wonders, children.

0:35:080:35:11

Now presenting delights, delicacies...

0:35:110:35:15

-and death.

-Doctor!

0:35:150:35:17

Angie, are you, OK? Just look after Artie, OK?

0:35:230:35:26

Upgrade in progress.

0:35:370:35:40

Your move. But before you take it, just so you know,

0:35:400:35:42

sacrificing my queen was the best possible move I could have made.

0:35:420:35:45

The Time Lords invented chess.

0:35:450:35:47

It's our game.

0:35:470:35:49

And if you don't avoid MY trap, it gives ME mate in three moves.

0:35:490:35:52

How?

0:35:520:35:53

I've got no charge left!

0:35:550:35:57

How?

0:36:020:36:03

Oh, come on. Call yourself a chess-playing robot?

0:36:070:36:09

How?!

0:36:090:36:10

CHUCKLES

0:36:140:36:15

You figure it out!

0:36:150:36:17

Or don't you have the processing power? Hmm?

0:36:210:36:25

Please stand by - you will be upgraded.

0:36:250:36:28

Welcome to the Cyberiad.

0:36:280:36:31

You will be upgraded.

0:36:310:36:32

-VOICES DISTORT AND SLOW DOWN

-Welcome to the Cyberiad.

0:36:320:36:35

You will be upgraded...

0:36:350:36:36

You will be upgraded...

0:36:360:36:40

What are you doing?

0:36:470:36:48

Doctor. Doctor, Doctor, Doctor,

0:36:480:36:51

Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor!

0:36:510:36:54

I'm pulling in extra processing power.

0:36:540:36:56

Three million Cyberbrains are working on one tiny chess problem.

0:36:560:36:59

How long do you think it's going to take us to solve it?

0:36:590:37:01

-That's cheating!

-No, no, no, no, no. Just pulling in the local resources.

0:37:010:37:06

Woo-oo-oo.

0:37:060:37:07

There's no way you can get to mate in three moves.

0:37:130:37:17

Three moves! Want to know what they are?

0:37:170:37:20

You're lying!

0:37:200:37:21

No!

0:37:210:37:23

Move one -

0:37:230:37:25

turn on sonic screwdriver.

0:37:250:37:27

Move two - activate pulsar.

0:37:270:37:29

Move three - amplify pulsar.

0:37:290:37:31

BEEPING

0:37:310:37:34

See ya.

0:37:340:37:36

GROANS

0:37:360:37:39

That's cheating!

0:37:390:37:40

Just taking advantage of the local resources.

0:37:450:37:47

-Ah, hello. Can someone untie me, please?

-Do you think I'm pretty?

0:37:470:37:51

No! You're too short and bossy, and your nose is all funny.

0:37:510:37:53

Good enough. What happened to the Cyber-Planner?

0:37:530:37:56

Out of my head and redistributed across three million Cybermen.

0:37:560:37:58

About to wake them up, kill us and start constructing a spaceship.

0:37:580:38:01

We need to destroy this planet before they can get off it.

0:38:010:38:04

OK.

0:38:040:38:06

It has a fallback voice activation.

0:38:060:38:08

The Captain. But she's dead.

0:38:080:38:10

-I think you should ask Porridge.

-Why?

0:38:100:38:12

Well, he is the Emperor. I bet HE knows the activation codes.

0:38:120:38:16

Oh, come on, it's obvious.

0:38:160:38:18

He looks exactly like he does on the coin

0:38:180:38:20

and on the waxwork, except they made him a bit taller, but...

0:38:200:38:23

Look, am I the only one paying attention to ANYTHING around here?

0:38:230:38:26

You are full of surprises. Porridge?

0:38:260:38:28

-She's right.

-So you can save us?

0:38:280:38:31

We all die in the end. Does it matter how?

0:38:310:38:33

-What do we do?

-I don't want to be Emperor.

0:38:330:38:36

If I activate that bomb, it's all over.

0:38:360:38:39

And if you don't,

0:38:390:38:40

three million Cybermen will spread across the galaxy.

0:38:400:38:43

Isn't that worth dying for?

0:38:430:38:44

-Doctor...

-Three million Cybermen!

0:38:440:38:46

The bomb, the throne, it's all connected.

0:38:500:38:53

I just have to say,

0:38:530:38:54

"This is Emperor Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, called Longstaff the 41st,

0:38:540:38:58

"the defender of humanity, imperator of known space.

0:38:580:39:02

"Activate the Desolator." And it's done.

0:39:040:39:08

BUZZING

0:39:080:39:09

It'll blow in about 80 seconds.

0:39:160:39:17

Easily long enough for the Imperial Flagship to locate me

0:39:170:39:20

from my identification, warp-jump into orbit,

0:39:200:39:23

and transmat us to the State Room.

0:39:230:39:25

Oh, yeah! Nice ship.

0:39:310:39:34

Bit big. Not blue enough.

0:39:340:39:35

Listen, there is a large blue box at co-ordinates six ultra 19P.

0:39:350:39:40

I need it transmatted up here right away.

0:39:400:39:43

Right. Did you get that?

0:39:430:39:45

And that's that. 76, 77, 78, 79...

0:39:550:40:01

Fairwell, Cyberiad.

0:40:090:40:12

You know...it was GOOD to get away.

0:40:120:40:15

Good to be a person and not to be lonely

0:40:150:40:18

or Emperor of 1,000 galaxies,

0:40:180:40:20

with everybody waiting for ME to tell them what to do.

0:40:200:40:22

Can't you run away again?

0:40:220:40:24

They'll be keeping a close eye on me this time.

0:40:240:40:26

That's what happens when you're Emperor -

0:40:260:40:28

loneliest job in the Universe.

0:40:280:40:30

You don't have to be lonely.

0:40:300:40:31

I don't.

0:40:330:40:36

Clara...

0:40:360:40:37

will you marry me?

0:40:370:40:39

-What?

-He said...

0:40:400:40:41

She heard what he said.

0:40:410:40:43

You're smart and you're beautiful,

0:40:430:40:45

and I've never met anyone like you before.

0:40:450:40:48

And being Emperor won't be as hard if you're by my side.

0:40:480:40:51

And you'd rule 1,000 galaxies.

0:40:510:40:53

This sounds like an actual marriage proposal - tricky.

0:40:530:40:56

Now, if you want my advice...

0:40:560:40:57

You - not one word. This is between me and the...Emperor.

0:40:570:41:01

Porridge,

0:41:030:41:05

I...don't want to rule 1,000 galaxies.

0:41:050:41:08

Yeah.

0:41:120:41:13

Silly of me.

0:41:140:41:16

I'm really sorry.

0:41:160:41:18

But that's stupid. You could be queen of the universe.

0:41:180:41:22

How can you say no to that?

0:41:220:41:24

When someone asks you if you want to be queen of the universe,

0:41:240:41:27

you say, "Yes."

0:41:270:41:28

You watch. One day, I'LL be queen of the universe.

0:41:280:41:31

Of course, I could have you all executed -

0:41:330:41:35

which is what a proper Emperor would do.

0:41:350:41:37

You're not actually going to do that, though, are you...?

0:41:390:41:41

Oh, you're...! Hey?

0:41:410:41:44

Go on, get out of here, all of you,

0:41:440:41:46

before I change my mind.

0:41:460:41:47

Thank you for having me. It was very interesting.

0:42:020:42:04

My pleasure. Thank you for coming.

0:42:040:42:06

Now, I've got something for you.

0:42:060:42:08

It's not from me, it's from the TARDIS.

0:42:080:42:10

Ah! New phone.

0:42:120:42:14

Thanks! Sorry I said this box was stupid.

0:42:140:42:17

-Bye!

-Bye!

-Thanks, Clara. Thanks, Clara's boyfriend.

0:42:190:42:23

-Thank you, Doctor.

-For what?

0:42:260:42:27

Kids' day out, getting us off the planet alive,

0:42:270:42:29

whatever you were doing with the Cybermen...

0:42:290:42:32

Good night.

0:42:340:42:36

See you next Wednesday.

0:42:370:42:39

Well...a Wednesday, definitely. Next Wednesday, last Wednesday...

0:42:390:42:43

one of the Wednesdays.

0:42:430:42:45

Impossible girl.

0:42:480:42:50

A mystery wrapped in an enigma squeezed into a skirt

0:42:500:42:53

that's just a little bit too...tight.

0:42:530:42:55

What are you?

0:43:020:43:03

Signs of any Cybertech remaining?

0:43:050:43:08

No, Majesty.

0:43:080:43:10

You ever wanted to be Emperor, Gloria?

0:43:100:43:12

No, Majesty.

0:43:120:43:13

That's the right answer. Come on. Let's go home.

0:43:130:43:16

There is one place you must never go.

0:43:340:43:37

Where?

0:43:370:43:39

This is the Doctor's greatest secret.

0:43:390:43:42

And it is discovered.

0:43:420:43:43

-He can't go there, you know he can't.

-I have a duty.

0:43:430:43:46

You just said it's the one place you must never go.

0:43:460:43:48

I'm about to cross my own timeline and the TARDIS doesn't like it.

0:43:480:43:51

Die, reptile!

0:43:550:43:56

Doctor! Doctor!

0:43:560:43:58

What is your name?

0:43:580:44:00

Please, stop it!

0:44:000:44:02

Doctor Who?!

0:44:020:44:03

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:44:240:44:27

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