Pennod 4 Dyddiadur Dews

-*

-Right, ready?

-Right, ready?

-

-Yep.

-Relax. It's a tight shot.

-It's intimate.

-OK. I'll be talking

-about sensitive issues.

-Fuck, Huw.

-Very intimate, see. A tight shot.

-Go away.

-There's a bloke in the hedge here.

-Go up there to play

-in the treehouse or something.

-I thought I'd show you

-Dews's shithouse.

-Mamgu doesn't like Dews.

-He built a shithouse in the tree.

-I lost my temper. I can only

-apologize to those who witnessed it.

-I was under a lot of strain.

-I had to make a TV programme

-for S4C.

-Making a programme for S4C

-on a dairy farm isn't easy.

-Making a programme for S4C on a

-dairy farm with Huwi is impossible.

-Dews, have you got any toilet paper?

-I've lost my temper before...

-..but not like that,

-and not in front of Lowri.

-Maybe it's worse because

-I filmed it all. I'm not sure.

-It's the last thing that the camera

-and me will film for a while.

-See? Did he have to go up there?

-I can't keep doing this over

-and over all the fucking time.

-I said there was a bloke in

-the hedge. There he is look, see!

-RESERVOIR DOGS, APRIL 2004

-If I get a hold of him, I'll

-strangle him in his ****** chair.

-The cameras are here already.

-The cameras are here already.

-

-You're famous now.

-They're my tapes, Huw. My life.

-He's put a ****** film together.

-Dyddiadur Dews in Theatr Felinfach.

-Get used to it. It's going to

-be a lot of pressure from now on.

-You'll get the paparazzi...

-What are you talking about now?

-What are you talking about now?

-

-Pressure! You'll get red carpets.

-Constant pressure,

-even when you're having a shit.

-The press won't leave you alone.

-You've got to wake up to it, Dews.

-This is fame time, understand?

-Get used to it.

-Huw, stop doing that!

-Thanks.

-Oi! I want a word with you.

-What do you want?

-I've just paid 5

-to watch my own film.

-You're late.

-When were you going to tell me?

-When were you going to tell me?

-

-You never answer the phone.

-That's why he put posters up.

-Hey, Jason! How's Pobol Y Cwm?

-Fuck off.

-Stop itching. Start drinking.

-On the house.

-I've reserved seats

-for you in the box.

-What the fuck is that?

-It's good for you.

-It's good for you.

-

-On the house?

-Here's another one.

-I say. This is quite unusual.

-Organic, is it?

-Something like that.

-You've spelt Maggies wrong.

-You're not reading it right.

-A hint of the mountainside

-and a whiff of stream...

-..and an aftershock of bullshit.

-Take a tray.

-The show is starting.

-Go on. You don't want to miss it.

-It'll be fine, don't worry.

-I'll see you later.

-Right. Let's get this show running.

-Garn Fach, like many dairy farms

-in this area...

-..faces an economic crisis

-that's so serious...

-..it could spell the end of

-this method of farming altogether.

-We will lose the backbone...

-..of the rural Welsh communities

-forever.

-AUDIENCE GASP

-You've just witnessed

-a car going out of existence.

-That's Dad.

-Dad's alright. Del's with him now.

-Delwyn is the youngest Garn Fach

-brother.

-Mental note to diary.

-Question. What is farming?

-He's 65 this year.

-You take the low road

-and I'll take the high road.

-Any room for 50 sheep?

-Any room for 50 sheep?

-

-Don't fuck about with me.

-You townies have lost

-a grip on reality. What's that?

-You're living in a wonderland...

-You're living in a wonderland...

-

-Barley here. Sugarbeet there.

-..with your pen-pushing

-and forms...

-Barley again.

-..schedules, and your 24 hours...

-Sugarbeet there.

-..round the clock, Sky Digital...

-Sugarbeet there.

-..and online shopping.

-..and sugarbeet.

-But the truth is,

-you're living in a virtual reality.

-Fucking barley.

-The economy created

-intensive farming.

-We've had to keep up

-with the fucker every since.

-Internet farming is faster

-than the speed of travelling.

-Ready, Huwi?

-Ready, Huwi?

-

-Yes.

-I am horse.

-Farmers. Magical time.

-Come to the shed, Dewi.

-Come to the shed, Dewi.

-

-Huwi!

-Goods on the menu today.

-Fucking barley. They get excited

-by sugarbeet and soya beans.

-We need big bales for lambing.

-He came in the tractor

-and squashed them under the wheels.

-The sheep? No time to stop, Huwi.

-Intensive, see.

-You can have anything

-organic nowadays. Organic lemonade.

-Organic milk.

-Organic water.

-Organic fish, bred in organic water.

-Organic teabags.

-That's a load of fucking rubbish.

-All the pollution...

-..cars, power stations,

-hairspray, fridges.

-There's a hole that size in

-the ozone layer before we start.

-I'm surprised they didn't pin

-the Gulf War Syndrome on farmers.

-What's the government's

-answer to nits?

-Organophosphates.

-Remember the nit nurse in school?

-She checked our heads and gave

-us a bottle of organophosphates.

-We rubbed the stuff in our hair.

-It burned our eyes.

-It hasn't affected us yet,

-touch wood.

-We're not wrecks yet.

-We put Huw in the sheep dip

-a few times.

-No-one knew about the dangers.

-They dipped everything

-and everybody. Sheep, dogs, cats.

-He's been out on the piss.

-It was compulsory to dip back then.

-It was against the law not to dip.

-Dip everything.

-It was terrible stuff.

-I'd like to thank the cows.

-Well done for the contribution.

-And the actors, excellent work.

-That's going all the way to the top.

-CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

-We have to go

-to check on the sheep, OK?

-Thanks very much.

-Ta-ra!

-Ta-ra.

-.

-*

-Move up, you're driving.

-Give me the camera.

-Come on, Spielberg. Get in

-the cockpit. Don't worry, big man.

-Is something coming?

-Is something coming?

-

-No, go.

-You're not looking!

-There's no-one coming.

-I can see someone coming.

-I can see someone coming.

-

-You're slow.

-If you want anything done,

-do it yourself.

-Switch the lights off.

-What are you doing?!

-I can see fuck all!

-I'll drive.

-Do you have to go so fucking fast?

-Fucking nervous passenger!

-The trick is

-to keep between the hedges.

-There's a crossroads here. Switch

-the lights off, no-one's coming.

-Switch the lights on,

-for fuck's sakes.

-Safely through.

-What's that?

-What's that?

-

-A rambler, probably.

-What is it?

-What is it?

-

-Look at him going.

-Why isn't he wearing any clothes?

-What's he doing out rambling this

-time of night, with no clothes on?

-There's no telling what will happen.

-You're scaring me now.

-Back off, back off.

-Switch the lights off.

-Where is he? Can you see him?

-Turn the engine off.

-Do you think we hit him?

-Did you go over him?

-You were fucking driving.

-You were driving like a fucking

-lunatic. I told you to slow down.

-It's all a fucking joke to you.

-It's all a fucking joke to you.

-

-You said to switch the lights off.

-You could have run over him.

-Did you film that?

-Go and check.

-It might have been a stone.

-Check under the wheels.

-The lights are OK.

-The bumper is a bit dented.

-Huwi.

-He's under the wheels.

-What are you going to do?

-I'll chuck him in the back.

-He's heavy. A good rambler.

-I've got his legs.

-We got away with it.

-Dad always said, "Don't get caught."

-We didn't get fucking caught.

-We didn't get fucking caught.

-

-Fast, see.

-Ayrton Senna here.

-Once the momentum's going.

-He's a good rambler.

-We could do something with him.

-Pastie, come here.

-And Tess.

-He's still alive.

-RAMBLER SHOUTS

-Get the dogs out.

-Sorry, rambler.

-He's a nice one.

-There's no need to be unkind.

-He's scared. Let him settle in.

-I'll try to grab hold of him.

-Don't be frightened.

-RAMBLER SCREAMS

-He's strong.

-We'll keep him.

-I think his head has gone.

-Let's go check the lambs.

-We'll come back to feed him.

-We will be back later, rambler.

-We'll bring you

-sandwiches and tea.

-He won't be able to work

-if he's depressed.

-He's a fucking good rambler.

-Tragic. Fucking tragic.

-People don't realize

-how hard it is this time of year.

-It's hard.

-The lambing season.

-There's a period

-of six weeks to two months...

-..when we don't sleep at all.

-We're out in the shed,

-day and night, checking the sheep.

-Then they die.

-Come along, Bambi.

-Come along, Bambi.

-

-What are you going to do with that?

-I'll skin the fucker.

-I could film that.

-It would be good footage

-for my video diary.

-It doesn't bother me.

-Film it, Spielberg.

-I want to show it all,

-the rough and the smooth.

-The good and the bad.

-The true face of farming.

-The true face of farming.

-

-Everything.

-The good, bad and the ugly.

-Let's begin.

-OK, OK, I've seen enough, thanks.

-I can't send this to S4C.

-It's sick,

-and I'm pretty sure it's illegal.

-Bollocks. It's farming.

-They're skinning a lamb.

-This isn't farming.

-This is a snuff film.

-Oh, my god.

-It's quality, you have to admit.

-Rhys ap Hywel is on fire.

-Look.

-And now his brother

-is putting it out with a spade.

-Jesus Christ.

-Did you not do a risk assessment?

-You can't plan these things.

-It's real life. This isn't one

-of your candy-floss productions.

-I can't allow you

-to send this to S4C.

-Why not?

-Why not?!

-I've got a good name

-and a successful business.

-I'll get death threats. It'll

-finish me. It'll finish everything.

-Bollocks.

-If you don't send this in...

-..I'll send them the tape of that

-little intern licking your lollipop.

-Malpractice, assault, kidnap.

-There's a naked rambler in the back

-of the pick-up. That's jail time.

-He's OK.

-I've just seen them run him over.

-Huwi said he was going to keep him.

-What for?

-He's tripping, innit?

-You haven't seen it all yet.

-Are you tired?

-Will you sleep tonight?

-I'm fucking wide awake.

-Are you hot?

-Is it today?

-Are you tired, Huw?

-Could you sleep now?

-Huw, Huw!

-Didn't we close the door?

-Did you shit in the pick-up?

-Did you shit in the pick-up?

-

-Is it today or tomorrow?

-I couldn't sleep now.

-I'm fucking wide awake.

-Did you shit in the pick-up?

-Did you shit in the pick-up?

-

-I'm hot, Huw.

-Someone shit in the pick-up.

-You hit something, Huw.

-Why is door open, Huw?

-I'm fucking hot, Huw.

-Shit, 21 missed calls.

-Huw, Lowri! 21 missed calls.

-I've got to go. I've got to go.

-Don't panic. I'll put music on.

-Where are we going, Dews?

-I can't read this bloody thing.

-I can't get into my messages.

-Give it to me.

-Look in there.

-What does it say?

-Lowri's having a baby.

-Lowri is having a baby.

-We have to go.

-That's what I said.

-It's on the phone.

-Leave it alone. I'm cold.

-I'm hot, Huw.

-You're just panicking, Dews.

-Stop panicking.

-We have to go to hospital, Huw!

-Lowri is having a baby!

-She has been seduced.

-She is 5 centimetres diluted.

-She is 5 centimetres diluted.

-

-Huw, Huw, Huw!

-Huw, Huw, Huw, Huw, Huw, Huw!

-She is 10 centimetres diluted, Dews.

-Foot down, lovely boy.

-We'll miss this unless we watch out.

-She's just shouting nasty

-things now.

-I'm hot, Huw.

-It's cold.

-Don't take your clothes off.

-You can't go to hospital naked.

-It's shock.

-I'm sweating.

-Put your trousers back on.

-You can't go to hospital like that.

-They'd phone the police.

-Leave it on.

-Leave it on.

-

-I'm hot.

-It's cold. Leave it alone, Dews.

-Put your fucking trousers back on.

-Put your fucking trousers back on.

-

-It's hot.

-It's cold. It's fucking cold!

-I want to piss.

-I want to piss.

-

-It's cold!

-Where are the babies?

-Tell me where the babies are.

-Tell me where the babies are!

-Tell me where the babies are!

-This way.

-We're back in reception.

-Someone come to reception, now.

-Someone come to reception, now.

-

-Huw!

-Here!

-I've had a baby.

-I've had a baby.

-

-Be quiet.

-I'm looking for the maternity ward.

-We don't allow cameras in here.

-Turn it off.

-How can I help you?

-I've had a baby.

-Lowri Hywel has had a baby.

-Yes! Congratulations.

-Yes! Congratulations.

-

-What did she have?

-A baby boy.

-Mother and baby are doing fine.

-What's going on?

-What's going on?

-

-Mr Hywel is here to see Lowri.

-You left it a bit late.

-Where have you been?

-Can I see her?

-She needs to rest. She's exhausted.

-She had a hard time in there.

-I just want to talk to her.

-Come back tomorrow

-after you've sorted yourself out.

-Phone security.

-Alright, Dews?

-Alright, Dews?

-

-Give me that camera!

-S4C Subtitles by Gwead

-.