19/06/2011 EastEnders Omnibus


19/06/2011

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Janine!

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What is it? Go back to bed.

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Janine, she was here!

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Who was there?

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GROANING

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For goodness' sake!

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What have you done?!

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-She's in there.

-Have you hurt yourself?

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I'm telling you she's in there!

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-There's nobody's in there. Come on, let me get you onto a chair.

-I'm telling you, she's in there!

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There's nobody in here. It's completely empty.

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You must have been hallucinating. How many of those pills have you taken?

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I'm telling you, she was there.

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Wearing the same dress as in the photograph.

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Sorry? What photograph?

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Who are you talking about?

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Your mother!

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Max?

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Sorry, babe.

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Was it a bit loud?

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No, I woke up and you weren't there.

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Same old, innit.

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I got straight off, come two o'clock I'm wide awake and buzzing.

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Just gave up in the end.

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Can I guess?

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There's nothing to guess. It's just...

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just something I go through now and again, innit.

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-So it's got nothing to do with what Tanya said...

-No, course it ain't.

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Only I'm not sure I'd be altogether overjoyed to learn my ex was starting a new family.

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Not that he could manage it.

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Am I warm?

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As far as I'm concerned, she can do what she wants.

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It's just the kids, you know?

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Once junior comes along, they're going to get forgotten about. It's not fair on them.

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What?

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I think it's about time you and I stopped pretending.

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I think the reason you can't sleep...

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..the reason you're so upset...

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..it's got nothing to do with the kids.

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I think it's cos

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you've never quite fallen out of love with her, have you?

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Max, look at me.

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Honest answers only.

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Yes or no?

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Don't usually see you in here at this time. What you doing?

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Couldn't sleep. Needed to get out of the house for a bit.

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-Oh, really?

-Yeah, really.

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So you haven't had a row, then?

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-You and fatty boy?

-No, nothing at all.

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-Are you sure?

-Yeah, I'm sure.

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-Has he been coming on to you?

-No!

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Oh, no, he hasn't, has he?

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-Hasn't what?

-Honey, I've been there.

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Even the nicest-seeming guys can do the most dreadful things.

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-Has he hit you?

-No!

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-It's nothing to do with Arthur at all.

-So what, then?

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I went to see a solicitor on Friday.

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I have an immigration hearing, in...

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..six hours!

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I've screwed up so bad.

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-It was a mistake getting married.

-How?

-They'll think it was a scam to keep me in the country.

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What did Fatboy say to that?

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He wasn't there. I haven't been able to bring myself to tell him.

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Honey, another coffee, please.

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Sure.

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Come on.

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That's it.

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You just... You haven't taken on nearly enough liquids.

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You're dehydrated.

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That is what all of this is about.

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My time is up.

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I am not having you die on me.

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What are you talking about?

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You've been praying for this!

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I mean in my living room. Far too much hassle.

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THEY CHUCKLE

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About my funeral.

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Are you not listening? There is going to be no dying.

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-That's an order.

-I don't want one.

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Good, because you're not going to have one. Not yet.

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-And when you do...

-The doctors can do what they like with me.

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I mean, there's nothing worth salvaging anyway.

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I rather relish the idea of young medical students gawping over my innards.

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"Where's her heart?" they'll say.

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"Extraordinary. She doesn't appear to have one."

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I've never told you this, young lady, but I rather like you.

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It's that defiant streak.

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That refusal to be anything other than you are.

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Well, I wonder where I get that from?

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Do you know, just to cheese you off,

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I'm going to give you the most fantastic funeral.

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Loads and loads of hideous floral tributes.

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You know, ones that spell out "Grandma" in lilies.

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Tasteful, you know? And I, I will be chief mourner, dressed all in black.

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With a little pillbox hat, and a veil, and maybe some fishnets...

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Why do I always feel so filthy at funerals?

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Oh, and there'll definitely be a choir.

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I think I can stretch to that. What song would you have?

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Yes! We Have No Bananas.

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She's there again!

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-Next to your father!

-No, Granny,

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-look, it's just a picture.

-No!

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-She's there!

-No.

-She's as real as you or me.

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This is it. Now, come on, help me.

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-Please.

-What? Can you just stop this?

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Or I'll start being extra nice to you.

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Or something else you'd really hate. And I mean it.

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It's not true I don't have a heart.

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-I DO have a heart.

-I know.

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And I do know how to love.

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Because I loved her.

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Oh, Granny...

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All right, then, let me ask you another question.

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Do you think I'm stupid?

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No, course I don't.

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Cos I have got eyes and ears, Max.

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Underneath all that big hair and make-up, I have got a brain.

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And I notice things.

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And while I'm

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long enough in the tooth to know that all relationships

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require a bit of give and take...

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..I'm not so dumb as not to know when I'm becoming second best.

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Babe, that ain't true! I got loads of respect for you.

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I'm not talking about respect.

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All right. Well, let me ask you a question. This word "love".

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What do you think it means?

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I'd rather hear what YOU think it means.

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It means loads of things.

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You know, "I want to possess you.

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"I want to control you. I want to be controlled BY you.

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"I'm needy.

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"I'm weak.

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-"I need reassurance."

-That's what you think love means?

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I think that's what other people muddle it up with.

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So, what is it, then?

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It's about trust.

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Intimacy?

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Being truthful. Wanting to put someone else before yourself.

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Babe, none of that...none of that applies to me and Tanya.

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So?

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It's just emotional cat-and-mouse, innit.

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Stupid, ridiculous, never-ending game.

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And who's winning?

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Nobody.

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So, what you doing here?

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Are YOU going to tell him?

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Or do you want me to?

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There isn't a day goes by when I don't look at him

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and find myself having a conversation with him in my head.

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Shame he was such a slug.

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Yeah, well, I'm not going to be sticking up for him.

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I know what he was like.

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But it's not rational, is it? Some people you find yourself forgiving over and over again.

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Not me. Any hope of that died when she died.

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And all I was left with was bitterness and hatred...

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and my money.

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Ooh, how he hated that.

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Money doesn't buy you very much.

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But it does buy you power.

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I want you to do something for me.

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-What?

-In the bedroom, in that drawer, there's a biscuit tin and a bundle of letters.

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Bring them here for me.

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-What are you doing in there?

-Oh, I'm just coming.

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-Janine!

-All right!

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All right.

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-Did you look at it?

-Look at what?

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Of course you looked at it!

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You wouldn't be the Janine I know if you didn't.

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No, I don't know what you're talking about.

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You didn't come across my will while you were rooting about in there?

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Be very odd if you didn't.

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-Considering the time you were in there.

-OK.

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I saw it, you know. So what?

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Why don't I quite believe this display of studied indifference?

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Where's the resentment? Oh, come on, girl, let it out.

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You'll feel so much better afterwards.

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All right, so what is the Cancer Nurses Trust anyway? I've never heard of it.

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-They looked after your mother during the final weeks of her illness.

-Well, who'd've thought it?

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Lydia Simmonds, lady bountiful, selfless philanthropist and all round good egg.

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That's more like it.

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A trace of disappointment.

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Anger, even.

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Look, if it's for a good cause

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and it helps you buy your way into Heaven, then why not?

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These are all of Mum.

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Supposing I was to tell you we're talking well into seven figures,

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would that make a difference?

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Would that light the gleam of avarice in your eye?

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What are you trying to do, Granny, torture me?

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Is that it? Because, let me tell you, it isn't working.

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Yes, but just think, Janine. With all that money,

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you could end up as happy and fulfilled as me.

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Think of what you'll be missing.

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I would rather have these.

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-You are as British as me.

-That's not quite British enough.

-What?

0:13:140:13:17

Oh, come on, Fats, you know what she's talking about as well as I do.

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Last I heard, there was this thing called law.

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-Yeah, and it's against me.

-So, what time we got to be at this hearing?

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-Ten o'clock.

-All right, well that gives me exactly 5.75 hours.

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-What are you going to do?

-Learn to be a lawyer. This ain't over!

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So, if what you say about you and Tanya is right

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and this is all a big game, then what's all this stuff about?

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All that stuff about her wanting more kids was just her next throw of the dice?

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Can there be any worse reason for having more children than just to get back at your ex-husband?

0:14:020:14:07

So what you're feeling now is exactly what she WANTS you to feel.

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So how do I stop feeling it?

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By understanding what's going on.

0:14:150:14:17

Do you think me and Harry aren't wrapped up in the same stuff?

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The only reason you don't know it is cos you don't see it. But it's there.

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So how do you manage it?

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I don't.

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You see, the sad irony of this is that

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you can know all of this and then just carry on the same old way.

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Cos it's too scary to do anything different.

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What do you mean, "scary"?

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To act differently takes courage, Max.

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Courage I don't have.

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Courage to be a grown-up.

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Why do you think I hide behind all that make-up?

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Because I'm scared.

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I'm scared that if people could see the real me

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-then I wouldn't be able to pretend any more.

-Shhh, V, V, V.

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Please, please, V.

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Cos that's what we're all doing.

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You, me, Tanya, everyone.

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Pretending.

0:15:300:15:32

Well, we could stop right now.

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This very second.

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Let's make love.

0:15:510:15:53

Right here.

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I want to.

0:16:000:16:01

What are you doing?

0:16:090:16:11

Will you get it off me?

0:16:110:16:13

-Why do you want to take it off?

-Oh, just do it!

0:16:130:16:15

OK.

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There you go.

0:16:220:16:23

What do you think it's worth, Janine?

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I don't know.

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Is it solid gold?

0:16:320:16:33

If I told you it was priceless, what would you say?

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I gave it to your mother the day you were born.

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Open it up.

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That picture was taken

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on your third birthday.

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Your mother loved that photograph.

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And so do I.

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You were such a happy child.

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Yeah, well, that's not the way I heard it.

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-According to Pat, I was the devil's spawn.

-But that was afterwards.

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After what?

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-Do you know what my earliest memory is?

-No, what was that?

0:17:150:17:19

It was of my dad

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telling me that Mummy had gone away

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and that she wasn't coming back.

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I thought he meant to the shops, you know. That was the only

0:17:290:17:33

"away" I knew.

0:17:330:17:35

I wanted you to come to the funeral.

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But he wouldn't have it.

0:17:380:17:40

He said you were too young. That it would upset you.

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I knew that he was lying, of course.

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About the going away bit, I mean.

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Not that I could have known what lying was then.

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I just,

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I didn't take it on board that she was dead for days.

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Weeks. It just wasn't mentioned.

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And I...

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I can remember being so...

0:18:050:18:08

so angry at her for leaving me.

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I said to Frank "Who's going to look after Janine while we're all at the funeral?"

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And he said, "Oh, I've got this friend I was thinking of asking."

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I said, "Is it a woman?" And that's when he starts fiddling with his spectacles,

0:18:240:18:29

which was always a sure sign.

0:18:290:18:32

-Pat.

-Yeah, well, she didn't come.

0:18:320:18:34

He backed down.

0:18:340:18:36

I'd've killed him if he hadn't.

0:18:360:18:38

I wanted you to come and live with me. You do know that?

0:18:410:18:46

What?

0:18:460:18:48

When it was being discussed.

0:18:480:18:50

Frank said, "I can't run a business and look after a four-year-old."

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So I said, "I will."

0:18:550:18:58

So, you mean that when I was living with Clare

0:18:580:19:01

I could've gone to you instead?

0:19:010:19:04

I begged him. Even though the words stuck in my throat.

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Cos I wanted it.

0:19:080:19:09

-I wanted it so much...

-Oh, Granny...

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I wanted you...

0:19:110:19:13

If I'd had a little girl to look after, things might have been...

0:19:130:19:18

Might have what?

0:19:180:19:19

Then afterwards he did everything he could to keep you away from me.

0:19:200:19:24

I say "he", but I think it was more her by then,

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but he just went along with it, you know, coward that he was.

0:19:290:19:34

Well, it's a lovely locket.

0:19:360:19:40

It's a lovely photograph.

0:19:420:19:44

It's yours.

0:19:440:19:46

Keep it. Put it on.

0:19:460:19:48

-No, no, no, I can't do that.

-Just for once do what you're told, mm?

0:19:480:19:54

What time is it?

0:20:010:20:03

Oh, I don't know.

0:20:030:20:04

It is half past four.

0:20:080:20:10

What time does it get light?

0:20:100:20:13

I don't know.

0:20:130:20:15

Can't be long now.

0:20:150:20:16

I can feel it.

0:20:180:20:19

Your mother was born at this time of day.

0:20:220:20:25

I'd been in labour forever.

0:20:280:20:31

And halfway through, the sirens went off...

0:20:340:20:37

..and the midwife thought that I might haemorrhage if we moved to the shelter.

0:20:400:20:45

So I was stuck under that kitchen table for another three hours

0:20:450:20:51

with the bombs falling all round.

0:20:510:20:55

No epidurals in those days.

0:20:560:20:58

There was no nothing.

0:20:580:21:00

I thought, "If this is childbirth, you can keep it!"

0:21:000:21:04

Granny, you shouldn't be talking.

0:21:050:21:08

It's wearing you out. You need to rest.

0:21:080:21:11

And then suddenly there she was.

0:21:110:21:14

Bawling and screaming.

0:21:140:21:18

"You've got a beautiful

0:21:180:21:21

"baby girl, Mrs Simmonds."

0:21:210:21:25

And that was Mum?

0:21:250:21:28

And then the midwife pulled back the blackout curtain

0:21:280:21:32

and it was dawn.

0:21:320:21:34

And outside, miraculously,

0:21:360:21:39

birdsong.

0:21:390:21:41

And the room was flooded with a pale yellow light.

0:21:420:21:47

And suddenly the whole thing was alive and just for one moment,

0:21:480:21:55

despite the pain, despite the bombs, despite the wretched war...

0:21:550:22:03

..it was as if everything in the entire universe

0:22:050:22:10

made complete and perfect sense.

0:22:100:22:15

As if I'd been touched by God.

0:22:170:22:20

Granny...

0:22:210:22:23

Would you be very offended

0:22:260:22:28

if I told you that I loved you?

0:22:280:22:30

SHE CHUCKLES

0:22:300:22:33

What? What's so funny?

0:22:330:22:35

Everything's funny.

0:22:350:22:38

The whole damned thing is funny from up here looking down on it.

0:22:380:22:44

Up where?

0:22:440:22:47

Are you really not bothered about the will?

0:22:500:22:54

Well, I'm not saying that I won't feel differently tomorrow...

0:22:560:23:01

..but right now I couldn't give a damn. Honestly.

0:23:030:23:10

Kiss me.

0:23:120:23:14

So, what about these letters?

0:23:180:23:22

Not now. Later.

0:23:220:23:24

I want you to take me into the front room.

0:23:240:23:28

I want to see the sunrise.

0:23:300:23:32

OK, well let me just get your wheelchair.

0:23:320:23:35

Hey.

0:23:450:23:47

What you doing?

0:23:470:23:49

Nothing.

0:23:490:23:51

You go to bed, babe. You're going to need some sleep.

0:23:510:23:53

-So do you.

-Yeah, but I'm Superman, all right?

0:23:530:23:56

I can do anything.

0:23:560:23:58

Oh, Arthur...

0:23:590:24:01

What?

0:24:010:24:03

You know I can't cope with this.

0:24:080:24:11

-What?

-Knowing that, you know, if I didn't ask you to marry me, then you'd probably stand a better chance.

0:24:110:24:17

Well, I'm glad you did.

0:24:170:24:19

Really?

0:24:190:24:20

-I so wish I...

-No, no, no, no.

0:24:220:24:24

I know you don't love me, Merce, all right. But that ain't going to stop me loving you, OK.

0:24:240:24:29

So just don't blow out all hope.

0:24:290:24:31

Listen, Merce, if all this goes wrong, and I'm not saying it will,

0:24:370:24:43

-but if it does, then... I'm coming to Nigeria with you, all right? No arguments.

-No.

0:24:430:24:50

So just say, "Yes, Arthur."

0:24:500:24:52

Yes, Arthur.

0:24:530:24:55

Good.

0:24:550:24:57

-You know what?

-What?

0:24:580:25:01

I think I'm going to give up the fags.

0:25:020:25:04

Really?

0:25:050:25:07

Yeah, it's suddenly like I don't need them any more.

0:25:070:25:10

It's weird. I don't even want one.

0:25:120:25:14

That's great.

0:25:150:25:17

Abi'll be pleased.

0:25:180:25:19

V?

0:25:270:25:28

Yeah?

0:25:280:25:31

Will you marry me?

0:25:330:25:35

Are you serious?

0:25:410:25:42

Yes or no?

0:25:450:25:46

Sure.

0:25:500:25:51

Why not?

0:25:530:25:55

Good.

0:25:570:25:58

FEEBLY: Pull the curtains.

0:26:050:26:07

Open the window. I want to hear the birds.

0:26:100:26:16

BIRDSONG DRIFTS IN

0:26:180:26:20

Oh, wow.

0:26:200:26:22

-Who'd've thought it? It's amazing.

-Closer.

0:26:230:26:26

Closer.

0:26:260:26:28

Hey...listen.

0:26:340:26:38

The world is a beautiful place sometimes.

0:26:420:26:45

We forget so easily.

0:26:470:26:50

Is it me, or does it look different?

0:27:020:27:04

Same old square.

0:27:060:27:08

Same old gardens.

0:27:080:27:10

Same old...rubbish.

0:27:100:27:13

I don't know what it is.

0:27:160:27:17

It's almost like I've never looked at it properly before.

0:27:170:27:24

I know this is going to sound stupid, but...

0:27:260:27:28

..it's almost beautiful.

0:27:300:27:32

It's like I want to go round and knock on

0:27:320:27:35

everyone's door and say "Wake up!

0:27:350:27:37

"you don't know what you're missing, you idiots!"

0:27:370:27:40

Instead they're all just

0:27:420:27:44

tucked up in bed asleep.

0:27:440:27:47

They haven't got the foggiest.

0:27:470:27:49

Isn't it weird being alive?

0:27:510:27:53

I mean, when you really think about it,

0:27:550:27:59

it's just so strange.

0:27:590:28:03

That's the trouble, though, isn't it?

0:28:050:28:07

We don't ever think about it, I mean.

0:28:090:28:12

You're not saying much.

0:28:160:28:17

Granny?

0:28:220:28:24

This is a bit early for you.

0:29:210:29:22

Just getting up or just going to bed?

0:29:220:29:25

-This is a surprise.

-Here, Patrick...

0:29:310:29:35

have a smell of these.

0:29:350:29:36

-Mm-mm.

-My dad used to love it when the English strawberries came in,

0:29:360:29:39

he reckoned you could start calling it summer then.

0:29:390:29:42

-So what happened to Billy?

-Oh, hello.

0:29:420:29:44

Must be drunk.

0:29:470:29:50

Come on, man. What happened to Billy?

0:29:500:29:52

-No notice, no warning. Just, "Here's a 100, and away you go".

-Take him to an industrial tribunal.

0:29:520:29:57

Me and Julie are saving up for a flat. What am I supposed to say to her now?

0:29:570:30:01

Oh, no.

0:30:010:30:02

-What?

-Well, the sink's blocked.

0:30:020:30:04

Where's that plunger?

0:30:040:30:06

Janine?

0:30:080:30:10

What are you doing in your jimjams, girl?

0:30:100:30:12

Can you just help me?

0:30:120:30:14

Why? What's happened?

0:30:140:30:16

It's my granny...

0:30:160:30:19

What's the matter with your gran?

0:30:190:30:21

She's dead.

0:30:210:30:24

Arthur?

0:30:280:30:30

Arthur!

0:30:310:30:32

-Mmm.

-We're due in court in less than two hours!

0:30:330:30:35

-What?

-It's twenty minutes past eight.

0:30:350:30:38

You're joking! Erm...

0:30:380:30:41

Mercy!

0:30:410:30:42

Get up! We're going to be late!

0:30:420:30:44

-What were you doing asleep on the table?

-I need a shirt, I need a shower. I need my suit, oh, no!

0:30:460:30:52

What is it now?

0:30:520:30:53

-I put my suit in the dry-cleaners.

-Don't you have any other smart clothes?!

0:30:530:30:57

I'm going to have to borrow one, you know. Wait here, I'll be back!

0:30:570:31:01

Happy birthday.

0:31:060:31:08

What?

0:31:110:31:14

"A light and airy two-bedroomed apartment

0:31:140:31:16

"set within this sought-after development."

0:31:160:31:19

-You are kidding, right?

-I like the look of it.

0:31:190:31:21

Sy, it's on the 15th floor!

0:31:210:31:24

The whole point of us moving was to put us in a better position to adopt.

0:31:240:31:28

-When did you bring this up?

-It was just a thought.

0:31:280:31:30

I thought we agreed that...

0:31:300:31:32

No. You agreed...

0:31:320:31:35

We agreed that we would look for a house with a garden, all right?

0:31:360:31:40

Bit of space, away from traffic.

0:31:400:31:41

-In the suburbs, with good local schools nearby?

-Yeah. Why not?

0:31:410:31:46

Because I'd rather die.

0:31:460:31:47

Happy birthday.

0:31:510:31:52

Thanks.

0:31:540:31:56

Open it up.

0:32:020:32:04

It's a wild night, apparently.

0:32:100:32:13

-Since when were you into drag queens?

-It's not my birthday.

0:32:130:32:16

-What's with the four tickets?

-Tanya and Roxy are coming too.

0:32:160:32:19

Roxy I get. But why Tanya?

0:32:190:32:21

I thought it might be nice to have someone to talk to whilst you and Roxy are off doing your thing.

0:32:210:32:25

I guess it was too much to ask for us to just go on our own, eh?

0:32:250:32:29

I'm sorry.

0:32:330:32:34

No, look, I'm sorry, all right?

0:32:360:32:40

It's great.

0:32:410:32:43

Come on, let's eat. I'm starving.

0:32:430:32:45

I tell you what, I'm absolutely giving them away.

0:32:500:32:53

It's a pound a punnet, or three for a deuce, it's up to you.

0:32:530:32:56

-Three.

-Three. I knew it would be, love. There you go, treacle. Enjoy.

0:32:560:33:00

-Thank you.

-I'll see you after school.

0:33:000:33:03

Get your English strawberries here, big, red and juicy.

0:33:030:33:06

Since when?

0:33:060:33:09

All right, Pat?

0:33:090:33:11

-Where's Billy?

-Surplus to requirements.

0:33:110:33:14

-What?

-Pat, it's business.

0:33:140:33:16

-There's no room for sentiment.

-And what's with the "treacle"?

0:33:160:33:19

Are you turning into your dad?

0:33:190:33:22

What's up with Janine, eh?

0:33:220:33:24

I saw her walking round the Square in her dressing gown first thing this morning.

0:33:240:33:29

I gave up caring about Janine a long time ago.

0:33:290:33:31

Get your fresh English strawberries here!

0:33:330:33:36

They are so red, they are redder than a bishop's face in a brothel!

0:33:360:33:39

'Come have a little taster, come along and ask me.'

0:33:390:33:43

Why not let whatshisface have a go.

0:33:430:33:45

You clearly don't know him very well.

0:33:450:33:48

I'm going to have to call the emergency plumber.

0:33:480:33:50

Come on, Tanya, I've got two precious hours to myself...

0:33:500:33:54

Fine, fine! I'll be there in two minutes.

0:33:540:33:57

Michael not with you?

0:33:590:34:00

No, I haven't seen Michael all weekend.

0:34:020:34:05

Is he having one of his sulks? What's it about this time?

0:34:050:34:08

Same as it's always been about, I should imagine.

0:34:080:34:11

Huh! An emergency plumber who can't get here till this afternoon. What am I going to do?

0:34:110:34:16

-This is where I have to ask myself, "Am I a nice person?"

-Sorry?

0:34:160:34:20

When I'm not dealing antiques, I can be a bit of a handyman.

0:34:200:34:24

But first, I need to hear the magic word.

0:34:240:34:27

What magic word?

0:34:270:34:29

Well, "please" would be a good start.

0:34:290:34:31

Oi! People of the caff, this is my last chance

0:34:330:34:35

and I need a suit and I need one now. Anybody?

0:34:350:34:38

It's just that me and Vanessa have got a little announcement to make.

0:34:460:34:50

What sort of announcement?

0:34:500:34:52

You're never?!

0:34:520:34:54

Well, don't get too carried away,

0:34:540:34:56

but yes, Max has asked and I've agreed.

0:34:560:34:59

Oh, wow. That's fantastic.

0:34:590:35:01

I don't believe it! Mum, I'm so happy for you!

0:35:010:35:04

Well, say something.

0:35:090:35:10

Congratulations.

0:35:140:35:17

And there's something else, isn't there, Max?

0:35:190:35:22

You're never pregnant?

0:35:220:35:24

Hardly.

0:35:240:35:25

Max?

0:35:250:35:27

I'm giving up the fags.

0:35:280:35:29

Dad, that's brilliant!

0:35:290:35:31

Can I be bridesmaid? Please, please, please!

0:35:310:35:35

Everything else is sorted. You just take that down to the register office

0:35:490:35:53

-and they'll tell you what to do.

-Right.

0:35:530:35:55

Is she going to be all right?

0:35:550:35:57

It's just that I don't think she should be left alone.

0:35:570:36:01

Can you please not talk about me as though I'm not here.

0:36:010:36:04

I'm sorry.

0:36:040:36:05

Is there anything else I could have done?

0:36:050:36:08

Your grandmother was a spirited lady, her body just gave out on her, I'm afraid.

0:36:080:36:13

If you need anything, you know where I am.

0:36:130:36:16

Janine?

0:36:160:36:18

Oh, it's OK, I'm her stepmum.

0:36:200:36:22

I'll deal with this.

0:36:220:36:24

-When did it happen?

-Earlier this morning.

0:36:240:36:26

-I'll take over now.

-OK.

0:36:290:36:30

Thanks very much.

0:36:300:36:32

-Billy...

-What?

0:36:340:36:36

Oh, right. Yeah, I'll...

0:36:380:36:40

How did it happen? Hmm?

0:36:420:36:45

I'd rather just be on my own if you don't mind.

0:36:450:36:49

Come on.

0:36:490:36:51

No.

0:36:530:36:55

Janine...

0:36:550:36:57

now is not the time.

0:36:570:36:59

Come on.

0:37:020:37:04

-When I bought this salon back, in good faith...

-It is a poxy hairdryer, Tanya.

0:37:160:37:20

-A poxy hair dryer costs me the best part of 100 quid...

-Do you want me to buy you a new one?

0:37:200:37:25

-If I sold you something that didn't work, what would you say?

-Have you checked the fuse?

0:37:250:37:29

-What?

-You've hauled me all the way down here and you haven't checked the fuse!

-Don't throw a hissy.

0:37:290:37:34

-We're going out tonight, remember?

-We?

-Yeah. The drag revue?

0:37:340:37:40

You, me, Christian, Syed...

0:37:400:37:41

Oh, hello, love. Shouldn't you be on your way to school?

0:37:410:37:45

Lauren?

0:37:450:37:47

Can I talk to you outside, please?

0:37:470:37:49

"Greet your guests over champagne

0:37:490:37:52

"as they enter the romantic setting of The Moot Hall.

0:37:520:37:56

"Walk down the aisle to the enchantment of madrigals

0:37:560:38:01

"played by minstrels in a genuine medieval minstrels' gallery..."

0:38:010:38:06

I don't know, darling. I'm not sure Max necessarily wants a big do.

0:38:060:38:09

Tell you what, we could make it a double wedding!

0:38:090:38:13

Like a BOGOF!

0:38:130:38:14

Think, Mum - you and Max, me and Darren, walking down the aisle.

0:38:140:38:18

With madrigals!

0:38:180:38:20

-What ARE madrigals?

-Sorry, Jodie, I just need to grab that.

0:38:200:38:23

-Can I just show you something...

-Sorry, no. I ain't got time, I've got to get to work. See you later.

0:38:230:38:29

That's nice.

0:38:360:38:38

Sorry?

0:38:380:38:41

What?

0:38:410:38:42

The locket. Where did it come from?

0:38:420:38:44

She left it to me.

0:38:440:38:47

You mean you've already seen the will?

0:38:470:38:50

You might want to take a look at it actually.

0:38:520:38:54

-Janine...

-Oh, don't bother, Pat. Granny told me all about it.

0:38:590:39:04

You and Dad.

0:39:040:39:06

-Her wanting to look after me. You stopping her.

-That's not true.

0:39:060:39:10

So you're calling her a liar?

0:39:100:39:12

All I'm saying is that it was a lot more complicated than you can ever imagine.

0:39:120:39:16

How soon was it after Mum died that you jumped into bed with Dad?

0:39:160:39:19

I don't know what she said to you,

0:39:190:39:21

but don't you ever run away with the idea that your father didn't care for you.

0:39:210:39:26

See now, I'm not talking about my father.

0:39:260:39:30

I'm talking about you.

0:39:300:39:31

You didn't care.

0:39:310:39:34

-I'm not having this conversation with you right now.

-Answer the question, Pat. How soon was it?

0:39:340:39:39

-We'll talk about it some other time.

-In the meantime, I get dumped with...Clare.

0:39:390:39:44

And you wonder why I turned out like I did?

0:39:440:39:48

You always did fight dirty, Janine.

0:39:480:39:49

I'm going to phone Ricky, cos I don't suppose you have.

0:39:520:39:55

MUTTERS: I got Billy to do it actually.

0:39:560:39:58

So, Lauren's just told me.

0:40:280:40:30

Congratulations(!)

0:40:320:40:33

On what?

0:40:330:40:34

Oh. Yeah, well, I'm really happy about it, so...

0:40:360:40:41

Yeah, I bet you are.

0:40:410:40:43

You're so transparent, do you know, it's almost laughable.

0:40:430:40:46

Well, you did it, why shouldn't I?

0:40:460:40:48

Do you really think the kids aren't going to see through all this?

0:40:480:40:51

Do you ever stop to imagine the effect on them?

0:40:510:40:54

You're having another baby - you think the kids are going to be all right with that?

0:40:540:40:58

Do you know what else Lauren told me?

0:41:000:41:03

That you'd given up smoking.

0:41:030:41:05

And you wonder why they don't trust you.

0:41:070:41:10

-What are you doing here?

-Where have you been?

0:41:180:41:20

Don't tell me - you've moved in and my gear's in a bag.

0:41:200:41:23

I'm looking after Amy and she's playing in her room. I asked you a question!

0:41:230:41:26

-Don't mean I'm going to answer it.

-Roxy says she came back Friday night and you'd upped and left.

0:41:260:41:31

Where is she?

0:41:310:41:32

She wanted a couple of hours by herself. She's really upset.

0:41:320:41:34

Sorry to hear that, what a choker(!) I'm going to have a shower.

0:41:340:41:38

-Men! Even if we leave now and the traffic is good, we'll still be late.

-He was going to borrow a suit.

0:41:400:41:46

-How long does it take to borrow a suit?

-That's the cab.

0:41:460:41:49

I can't cope with this!

0:41:510:41:52

He says he's been held up and he's going to meet us there.

0:41:520:41:55

Why is he doing this to us? Today of all days!

0:41:550:41:59

Grandma, please. Not now.

0:41:590:42:01

We've got to go.

0:42:090:42:11

Hey!

0:42:170:42:19

What do you say?

0:42:190:42:20

Thank you.

0:42:200:42:22

Sorry, I didn't quite catch that.

0:42:220:42:24

Say it again?

0:42:240:42:25

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

0:42:250:42:28

Right. I'll leave you to take care of this lot.

0:42:280:42:30

Maybe put it in the teapot, I don't suppose anyone'll notice.

0:42:300:42:33

Listen, I am grateful.

0:42:330:42:36

Thanks, you can go now.

0:42:440:42:45

Why haven't you been answering your phone?

0:42:450:42:49

-Is it any good?

-Why do you never answer a direct question?

0:42:500:42:54

What makes you think you can ask them?

0:42:540:42:56

Maybe you should read that.

0:42:560:42:57

Why? What's she said to you?

0:42:570:43:01

She's said everything.

0:43:010:43:03

WELL, SHE HAD NO RIGHT!

0:43:040:43:06

She had no damn right!

0:43:060:43:07

-Why?

-Why? Because what went on with my mother is not up for discussion.

0:43:070:43:12

She knows that!

0:43:120:43:13

Hold on, she said that you'd had a row.

0:43:130:43:15

-She didn't mention anything about your mother!

-What?

0:43:150:43:19

Why? What happened?

0:43:240:43:25

Michael, what happened?

0:43:300:43:33

-Is that him?

-No, Lauren.

0:43:420:43:46

Where is he?

0:43:460:43:48

We could be called any moment.

0:43:480:43:50

Oh!

0:43:500:43:53

Here we go.

0:43:540:43:56

It's disgusting, but we need all the caffeine we can get.

0:43:560:44:00

I'm not sure I can even drink it, I'm that nervous.

0:44:000:44:03

Does he not realise the time?

0:44:030:44:06

I should have kept my solicitor on.

0:44:060:44:08

-Arthur!

-Wicked, I thought I missed it, man.

0:44:110:44:15

What?

0:44:200:44:21

I'm playing in the yard and I come in the back door...

0:44:260:44:29

and I knew something was up.

0:44:310:44:33

The house is dark.

0:44:370:44:39

Through the kitchen.

0:44:410:44:45

Down the hall.

0:44:450:44:46

I Look in the, erm...

0:44:460:44:48

I look in the utility room.

0:44:480:44:53

There's nothing.

0:44:530:44:54

And I see her foot on the sofa, she's got her slippers on.

0:44:560:45:01

I just know.

0:45:010:45:03

What did you do?

0:45:050:45:07

Nothing. Nothing.

0:45:070:45:09

I just sat there, and waited for my dad to get back.

0:45:090:45:12

With this... Sat there with this.

0:45:140:45:16

Here.

0:45:250:45:27

I used to think,

0:45:310:45:34

I still think,

0:45:340:45:36

"What if I'd done something?" You know, called a neighbour.

0:45:360:45:40

Maybe she wasn't dead. Maybe...

0:45:400:45:43

Maybe I could've saved her.

0:45:430:45:45

Michael, come on, you were six years old.

0:45:450:45:47

-You can't possibly blame yourself.

-I don't blame me, I blame him.

0:45:470:45:52

He was never there for her.

0:45:520:45:54

Never.

0:45:540:45:55

Or me.

0:45:550:45:57

My dad was exactly the same.

0:45:590:46:01

And I never, ever want to forgive him.

0:46:050:46:09

It's always easier to blame somebody else, isn't it?

0:46:090:46:12

That's what I do. I always blame everyone who ever hurt me, or let me down.

0:46:130:46:18

My dad, my mum, men.

0:46:180:46:21

But at the end of the day, they're not going to sort it out for you, are they?

0:46:230:46:27

There's only one person that can do that.

0:46:270:46:30

-FRONT DOOR OPENS

-Ron?

0:46:320:46:33

-Listen, I won't say anything if you don't want me to.

-Ron?

0:46:350:46:39

Rox, I'm sorry. All right?

0:46:450:46:48

-I'm really, really sorry.

-Where's Amy?

0:46:480:46:51

She's in her room. She's playing with her doll's house. She's fine.

0:46:510:46:55

I'm going to go, OK? Leave you to it.

0:46:550:46:58

Thanks, Ronnie...

0:47:000:47:03

That's OK.

0:47:030:47:04

What are you thanking her for?

0:47:070:47:09

Don't touch me, please.

0:47:090:47:10

Please...

0:47:150:47:18

Please?

0:47:200:47:22

She travelled to the UK with her sister and parents in 2002

0:47:330:47:38

on a Nigerian passport

0:47:380:47:39

in order to visit her paternal grandmother.

0:47:390:47:42

Whilst here, some difficulties surfaced

0:47:420:47:45

in the marriage of Miss Olubumni's parents

0:47:450:47:47

which meant that when it was time to return to Nigeria,

0:47:470:47:50

she remained behind, in the care of her grandmother

0:47:500:47:53

who was able to place her in a school in Walford, East London.

0:47:530:47:56

So to be clear, Miss Olubumni was here,

0:47:560:47:59

for want of a better word, illegally?

0:47:590:48:01

Indeed. And this state of affairs might have remained unchallenged,

0:48:010:48:04

save for the fact that in the summer of last year,

0:48:040:48:07

Miss Olubumni returned to Nigeria,

0:48:070:48:10

intending, as I understand, to stay there?

0:48:100:48:12

Yeah.

0:48:120:48:14

However, she was to change her mind

0:48:140:48:16

and return to the UK on a six months visitor's visa

0:48:160:48:20

which expired last December.

0:48:200:48:23

When this fact was drawn to the attention of the UK Borders Agency,

0:48:230:48:26

a notice of directions for her removal was served on Miss Olubumni.

0:48:260:48:31

Shortly thereafter, she was to marry a Mr Arthur Chubb...

0:48:310:48:35

It's the Home Office's contention

0:48:350:48:37

that this marriage was one designed solely to circumvent the removal directions

0:48:370:48:42

and as such, should be disregarded when considering this case.

0:48:420:48:45

You have no-one representing you today, Mrs Chubb?

0:48:480:48:51

Can I say a few words on my wife's behalf, please?

0:48:560:48:59

I don't get to see my wife on Saturday nights.

0:49:100:49:15

Even before we was married, I didn't.

0:49:150:49:17

Which is rubbish,

0:49:170:49:18

because I'm a market trader and I work long hours, six days a week.

0:49:180:49:23

Saturday's are supposed to be special

0:49:250:49:28

and yet I don't see her.

0:49:280:49:29

Why?

0:49:310:49:33

Because every Saturday night,

0:49:330:49:35

Mercy goes on a soup run with her church

0:49:350:49:39

to feed and help the homeless.

0:49:390:49:42

She don't talk about it,

0:49:430:49:45

she don't make a fuss about it, she just gets on with it.

0:49:450:49:49

Which is so typical of the Mercy I know.

0:49:490:49:52

One of the reasons I love her so much.

0:49:520:49:54

So to say that she doesn't contribute to society is ridiculous.

0:49:570:50:02

OK? Mercy wants to become a teacher and once her A levels come through,

0:50:020:50:08

eventually she will be.

0:50:080:50:09

She is going to be a great teacher.

0:50:090:50:13

So if you send her back,

0:50:130:50:15

you're not just punishing Mercy,

0:50:150:50:17

you're not just punishing me, you're punishing all of us.

0:50:170:50:21

Let's say that she teaches 25 kids a year

0:50:210:50:24

and she works a minimum of 30 years.

0:50:240:50:27

That's 25 times 30 - that's 750 kids that'll benefit by her staying here.

0:50:270:50:32

Who gets to benefit if she goes?

0:50:320:50:34

The 750 children she might otherwise teach in Nigeria, I would imagine.

0:50:380:50:44

Please, all right? Please.

0:50:490:50:52

I've known this girl since she was nine years old.

0:50:520:50:56

She's the most loving, caring person that I know, all right?

0:50:560:51:00

And sir, you know the Human Rights Act better than I do,

0:51:000:51:03

so I can't argue with you on a point of law.

0:51:030:51:07

I'm just asking you, as a fellow human being,

0:51:070:51:10

Please, please,

0:51:100:51:12

just let her stay.

0:51:120:51:15

Just let her stay.

0:51:150:51:16

"My dearest June. Thank you so much for the photos of the baby.

0:51:280:51:32

"She looks a beautiful little child

0:51:320:51:35

"and I think Janine is a lovely name.

0:51:350:51:39

"I can see now what you mean when you say just looking at her

0:51:390:51:43

"gives you the courage to carry on..."

0:51:430:51:45

And she turns on me.

0:51:490:51:50

-Just like everything that's ever gone wrong in her life is my fault.

-That's typical, Janine, ain't it?

0:51:500:51:56

Completely forgetting that this time last week she wanted Lydia dead and buried.

0:51:560:52:01

How much was she worth?

0:52:010:52:03

Oh, that's another thing. The minute I mentioned the will, she changed the subject.

0:52:030:52:07

-Sorry, I'm late but I got a brilliant excuse. Guess what?

-Astonish me.

0:52:090:52:13

Mum and Max is only getting married. I'm so excited!

0:52:130:52:17

Is Kat and Alfie about? Only Mum's throwing an engagement party

0:52:170:52:21

-so she wonders if they'll flog her a case of champers on the cheap.

-Yeah. Upstairs.

0:52:210:52:25

I'll give it six months.

0:52:250:52:28

Hello, sweetheart.

0:52:280:52:30

-So what's all this?

-It's not me. Blame Jodie.

0:52:310:52:34

Babe, can you just tell her it's us getting married, not her?

0:52:340:52:37

I've tried to explain to her, darling, but you know what she's like.

0:52:370:52:40

-You know, last night...

-Last night was lovely.

-It was lovely and I want to keep it like that.

0:52:400:52:45

I want a wedding, babe, not a circus.

0:52:450:52:47

I feel exactly the same.

0:52:470:52:50

-I don't want any decisions being made that don't involve me, all right?

-Fair enough.

-OK.

0:52:500:52:54

Only it might be a little bit late to do anything about this Friday...

0:52:570:53:02

the engagement party.

0:53:020:53:04

What I don't understand is

0:53:060:53:08

why couldn't he have told us there and then? Huh?

0:53:080:53:11

Why do we have to wait two weeks to hear?

0:53:110:53:13

-And why a letter?

-So he doesn't have to look you in the eyes when he tells you the bad news.

0:53:130:53:17

It's not going to be bad news. Not after the speech that Fats gave.

0:53:170:53:21

Will you stop saying that, all right?! I screwed up!

0:53:210:53:24

-You heard what that judge said - and I walked straight into it.

-Oh, Arthur...

0:53:240:53:28

Stop with the whole nicey-nicey thing, it's doing my head in.

0:53:280:53:31

"All marriages experience difficulties.

0:53:330:53:36

"There's no more difficult time than when you've just had a baby.

0:53:360:53:39

"What you call 'indifference'

0:53:390:53:43

"could just be tiredness on his part.

0:53:430:53:45

"It breaks my heart to think of you being unhappy, darling,

0:53:450:53:49

"especially when you're so ill.

0:53:490:53:51

"But I'm glad you find comfort in the baby.

0:53:510:53:55

"Now she really is the most delightful child.

0:53:550:53:59

"In so many ways, she reminds me of you..."

0:53:590:54:02

This morning, I saw her wandering around in her pyjamas.

0:54:060:54:09

It was odd, but I didn't read that much into it.

0:54:090:54:12

-There's a nasty smell around all this.

-Her nan just died.

0:54:120:54:15

What do you expect?

0:54:150:54:17

I think back to Barry.

0:54:170:54:18

I think back to that old Jewish geezer who dropped dead on their wedding day...

0:54:180:54:22

Why do you always think the worst of her, Pat?

0:54:220:54:25

Oh, come on! I've known Janine since she was four years old

0:54:250:54:28

and in my experience the worst is usually there or thereabouts.

0:54:280:54:32

Hello! Happy birthday!

0:54:320:54:35

-Hey! Like the outfit!

-Thanks. Well, I had to make the effort for the birthday boy, didn't I.

0:54:350:54:38

I've never been to a drag revue before. Quite excited.

0:54:380:54:41

-Well, you certainly look the part.

-Hey...

0:54:410:54:44

Everything all right?

0:54:440:54:46

-Christian's just feeling a little old.

-Oh, behave!

0:54:460:54:49

How's the house-hunting going?

0:54:490:54:52

Well. Thanks.

0:54:520:54:55

Hey! Here we are, girls and boys.

0:54:560:54:59

How are we doing?

0:54:590:55:00

Card.

0:55:010:55:03

-I'll open it later if that's all right.

-OK.

0:55:030:55:05

-What are we all having?

-No, I'll get these.

0:55:050:55:08

-Same again, is it? What do you want, Roxy?

-Gin and tonic, please.

-Right.

0:55:080:55:12

OK, what is she wearing?

0:55:120:55:14

-That's a lovely frock.

-Thanks.

0:55:170:55:19

Christian's in a bit of a mood.

0:55:190:55:20

Sy, just leave it out, will you?

0:55:200:55:22

-Why? Because he's suddenly realised how old he is?

-I'm not laughing, Rox.

0:55:220:55:27

Come on, Christian, for goodness sake, stop taking yourself so seriously.

0:55:270:55:31

D'you know what? The truth is I'm just not in the mood. Let's do it another time.

0:55:310:55:35

-Christian!

-Sy, do you want ice in your orange?

0:55:350:55:39

What's wrong with him?

0:55:390:55:40

I think I owe you a drink.

0:55:520:55:54

Blocked sink.

0:55:540:55:55

It's not the blocked sink you have to worry about.

0:55:550:55:58

It's everything else that's blocked.

0:55:580:56:00

Meaning?

0:56:000:56:02

Actually, I'm just about done here.

0:56:030:56:06

-Some other time, yeah?

-Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.

0:56:060:56:10

Well, I'll be damned.

0:56:150:56:17

-If it isn't the heiress.

-Sorry?

-Come to spend your inheritance?

-I don't know what you're talking about.

0:56:180:56:25

I'm just surprised you didn't come dressed in black, wearing a veil.

0:56:250:56:29

I'll have a vodka and tonic, please.

0:56:290:56:32

What have you been saying to him?

0:56:350:56:37

-I don't need to say anything to him, he knows you. Just like I know you.

-Yes, and I know YOU.

0:56:380:56:43

So you didn't want Lydia dead this time last week?

0:56:430:56:47

I loved my gran more than you will ever understand,

0:56:490:56:52

Now I've heard it all!

0:56:520:56:54

Oh, you can put on that act as long as you like, young lady,

0:56:550:56:59

but you won't fool me.

0:56:590:57:02

Not with your track record.

0:57:020:57:03

I don't need to stand here and take lectures from you.

0:57:030:57:06

I think you killed her.

0:57:060:57:08

And you know something?

0:57:090:57:10

Everyone else round here thinks it an' all.

0:57:100:57:14

So was I very rude?

0:57:230:57:24

You've been worse.

0:57:260:57:27

So, you, me, Tanya, Roxy, that bar you're always going on about...

0:57:290:57:34

Oh, babe, my birthday was yesterday.

0:57:340:57:36

Every queen should have two birthdays.

0:57:360:57:38

Right, well if I'm a queen then you're my lady in waiting!

0:57:380:57:42

Does no-one need any specs today?

0:57:430:57:45

Booked a couple of days off.

0:57:450:57:47

Can you believe, it's next week?

0:57:470:57:50

I hope you're not expecting me...

0:57:550:57:57

Denise was wondering how your Mehndi dance is coming on.

0:57:570:58:00

-Was she?

-I said she'd have to wait. And enjoy the surprise with me.

0:58:000:58:05

Looks like I'm not the only one who couldn't face going home.

0:58:150:58:18

Do you think she's dead?

0:58:180:58:19

Well, if she is...

0:58:190:58:22

tell Nana Pat it wasn't me.

0:58:220:58:25

-We're having an engagement party tomorrow!

-V... I'll sort it.

0:58:430:58:47

-We can't have an engagement party with half an arch and no ring.

-Babe, I just said we'll sort it.

0:58:470:58:52

I'll go this morning.

0:58:520:58:53

I'm booked in for a manicure.

0:58:530:58:54

When I pick you up after we'll go down the High Street.

0:58:540:58:57

I'm not getting engaged with some cheap ring off the High Street.

0:58:570:59:01

All right look, meet me at the Tube at one.

0:59:040:59:07

We'll go into town, and we'll get something nice. All right?

0:59:070:59:11

OK. Great.

0:59:110:59:13

Oi, where's my kiss?

1:00:111:00:13

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

1:00:151:00:16

Hello.

1:00:181:00:19

Greg. It's Max.

1:00:211:00:22

That arch, mate. It needs to come down.

1:00:231:00:25

We're having a party.

1:00:251:00:27

I couldn't face coming back.

1:00:271:00:29

The flat just...

1:00:291:00:31

Well, it felt so empty.

1:00:311:00:32

-They could have broken in any time after...

-Mrs Malloy.

1:00:321:00:35

It's Miss.

1:00:351:00:37

I'm not here about the burglary.

1:00:371:00:39

I want him to have a good night,

1:00:411:00:43

but it sounds like it might be a bit...sleazy.

1:00:431:00:45

Oh, I love a bit of sleaze.

1:00:451:00:47

-He's slept with half the guys there.

-Hmm, romantic.

1:00:471:00:50

-I think he's worried I'll cramp his style.

-He shouldn't be giving it any style. He's married.

1:00:501:00:55

Well, as good as. Right, you, you sit in that chair,

1:00:551:00:57

I'm going to give you one of my special facials.

1:00:571:01:00

Tan, I've got clients.

1:01:001:01:02

Come on, you want him to be the only person there who's getting attention?

1:01:021:01:06

-Really, with this?

-Yeah.

1:01:061:01:08

Tanya.

1:01:121:01:13

-Would you like a...

-No. She's not staying.

1:01:171:01:19

-Are you old enough to be legal?

-Home. Rainie!

1:01:231:01:27

-I'm sorry for your loss.

-No you're not.

1:01:281:01:31

It's my duty to investigate.

1:01:311:01:34

-She was the last of my grandparents.

-What happened to the rest of them?

1:01:361:01:41

Oh, you know, I polished them off one by one.

1:01:421:01:46

You'll probably find a couple of heads in the freezer(!)

1:01:461:01:49

That's what we do round here when someone dies.

1:01:491:01:52

Unless... Unless, of course, you're a vicar

1:01:521:01:54

and then you bury them under a tree.

1:01:541:01:57

I didn't mean to upset you.

1:01:571:01:59

-Who called you?

-It's just a routine visit.

-Was it a whale with earrings?

1:02:011:02:04

-Like I said, it's routine.

-Tell you I interfered with the will, did she?

1:02:041:02:10

She told you that I told her that I wanted my grandma dead?

1:02:101:02:15

I'm not the sort of person to cast aspersions...

1:02:151:02:17

-Then don't.

-..but old lady suddenly turns up, old lady suddenly dies.

1:02:171:02:21

What happened to innocent til proven guilty?

1:02:211:02:24

Mercy ended up in court, and she didn't do nothing wrong.

1:02:241:02:27

Apart from overstaying her visa.

1:02:271:02:30

Yeah, well, they might be just asking questions in there, you know.

1:02:321:02:36

Yes, darling, they might.

1:02:361:02:37

On the other hand, they might just be going to a fancy dress party.

1:02:371:02:41

Oh, my days. She did it do it, man.

1:02:411:02:44

-Happy now?

-Smiling ear to ear.

1:02:471:02:49

Well, just make sure your baubles don't drop, you know.

1:02:491:02:53

They might crack the pavement.

1:02:531:02:55

Lydia was a poisonous, malicious old witch.

1:02:551:02:58

That don't mean she deserved to be murdered.

1:02:581:03:00

You were doing so well.

1:03:071:03:09

-You patronising cow.

-That's right, just throw it back at me, yeah, why don't you?

1:03:091:03:13

Cos I'm the one who makes you, I'm the one who pours you a drink.

1:03:131:03:17

Always about you, innit, eh? All my life.

1:03:171:03:22

You can say what you like to me, Rai. I'm not going anywhere.

1:03:221:03:26

Perfect little Tanya.

1:03:261:03:29

Well, if you're so perfect... And look at you.

1:03:291:03:32

Look at you, you are perfect.

1:03:321:03:35

Just go to bed, darling. Sleep it off, please.

1:03:351:03:38

How come your first hubby

1:03:381:03:41

goes and sleeps with his son's girlfriend?

1:03:411:03:44

And what about...?

1:03:461:03:47

What about lovely little thingy, Greg?

1:03:481:03:51

Is he playing away too?

1:03:531:03:54

Is he playing away?

1:03:571:03:58

DRILL WHIRS

1:04:021:04:04

RINGING DROWNED BY DRILL

1:04:041:04:06

MAX'S MOBILE RINGS

1:04:181:04:20

Greg, shh.

1:04:241:04:26

Hello?

1:04:261:04:27

You all right, babe?

1:04:291:04:30

Nah, nah. He's not with me.

1:04:321:04:34

Calm down.

1:04:361:04:38

-WHISPERS

-Vanessa.

1:04:381:04:39

Why don't you tell me what's wrong?

1:04:421:04:44

I miss you too.

1:04:441:04:45

You know I love you, don't you?

1:04:471:04:49

He's either a drug dealer,

1:04:521:04:55

-a rubbish superhero, or he's having an affair.

-Mum!

1:04:551:04:58

No-one uses payphones these days.

1:04:581:05:00

Maybe he's got a secret boyfriend that he sees behind his wife's back. He is very well turned out.

1:05:001:05:05

I bet his nails are perfect. Your wife didn't know, did she, darling?

1:05:051:05:09

Perfect nails, well turned out, hair like a drag queen.

1:05:101:05:13

-People will talk, Vanessa.

-Only saying.

-Well, don't.

1:05:131:05:16

I've just got two more appointments.

1:05:161:05:19

-Then can I go home?

-Yeah. We'll be fine.

1:05:191:05:21

Get ready for my big night out. Check Christian's done his nails.

1:05:211:05:24

-Someone didn't get any last night.

-Mum!

1:05:261:05:28

Did you get the bubbles for the party?

1:05:281:05:31

Yeah. Love bubbles.

1:05:311:05:34

Max wanted Cava, but I said you can't get engaged with Cava.

1:05:341:05:37

Anyway, you've still got a hand to do. And I've got an appointment with a diamond.

1:05:371:05:42

MUSIC PLAYS

1:05:461:05:48

You skiving again?

1:06:011:06:03

Don't tell my gran.

1:06:061:06:08

Had one of these in the Emporium once.

1:06:101:06:13

They're murder to fix.

1:06:131:06:15

Could you help me?

1:06:151:06:16

Please?

1:06:181:06:20

Got, um, two left feet.

1:06:241:06:26

Well, actually, four... actually, eight...

1:06:261:06:28

-and then three of them are broken.

-Five feet are still good.

1:06:281:06:32

I thought marriage was meant to be fun.

1:06:321:06:34

No, the wedding is meant to be fun.

1:06:341:06:36

Marriage...is an assault course.

1:06:361:06:38

-You and Mum.

-It's just ups and downs.

-It's not just ups and downs, Dad.

1:06:381:06:43

All marriages are like this, Tam.

1:06:431:06:45

Dad, the Himalayas are ups and downs.

1:06:451:06:47

If I hadn't bought Yusef back, then...

1:06:491:06:51

All you did was fall in love with a beautiful, feisty girl.

1:06:511:06:56

You're not the first young man ever to do that.

1:06:591:07:01

-Dad, you tried to kill him!

-I did not try to kill him.

1:07:031:07:06

I saw the bruises and I smelt the petrol.

1:07:061:07:08

Then I'm glad you're not my lawyer.

1:07:081:07:10

Your father-in-law-to-be is a very clever man.

1:07:121:07:16

I did nothing wrong.

1:07:171:07:19

Why else would they take her away? I'm telling you, she killed her.

1:07:191:07:22

You shouldn't jump to conclusions.

1:07:221:07:24

-She was supposed to be caring for the old girl.

-Who you hated.

1:07:261:07:30

-Only cos she hated me.

-Why would Janine see her off?

1:07:301:07:33

-Tiff said they really got on.

-Money. With Janine it's always money.

1:07:331:07:36

Accusing someone of killing someone...

1:07:361:07:39

that's a big thing to put on anybody's shoulders.

1:07:391:07:42

Every time I give that girl the benefit of the doubt. Every time she proves me wrong.

1:07:421:07:46

Carol, do us two buns, please.

1:07:461:07:50

Take it from me, mud sticks in this world.

1:07:501:07:53

Not to her it don't.

1:07:531:07:54

So you have to be careful who you throw it at.

1:07:541:07:58

Nobody likes to be thought of as a killer.

1:07:581:08:01

So who's the second one for?

1:08:011:08:03

-Made a new friend, have you?

-Maybe.

1:08:031:08:06

You working all afternoon?

1:08:081:08:09

No, I'm just here cos I'm bored(!)

1:08:091:08:12

I'm Eddie.

1:08:151:08:16

Did I ask?

1:08:171:08:19

Sticking my nose in. Sorry.

1:08:191:08:22

You're right, I don't know her.

1:08:221:08:25

WHISTLES

1:08:441:08:46

She's working all afternoon.

1:08:471:08:49

Ker-ching!

1:08:491:08:50

'The way you've grown up this past year, Tam, I'm very proud of you.'

1:08:591:09:03

Destroying my family. Go, Tam, good work.

1:09:031:09:06

For standing up for what you want.

1:09:061:09:08

Standing up to your mum, taking on this place,

1:09:081:09:11

-facing us down with Syed.

-I didn't mean to shame you.

1:09:111:09:15

I didn't say you were right.

1:09:151:09:17

It was very brave.

1:09:191:09:21

It's hardly walking into a fire for someone, is it Dad?

1:09:211:09:24

No. But I know you would, if you had to.

1:09:241:09:27

For your wife. For your family.

1:09:291:09:31

You've got courage, Tam.

1:09:361:09:38

Doing this little dance...

1:09:441:09:46

You with your eight feet.

1:09:461:09:48

-Five.

-Five, who's counting.

1:09:481:09:51

You're going to be fine.

1:09:531:09:55

You are supposed to be my buddy.

1:10:251:10:29

So call me back.

1:10:291:10:30

Rainie, give me the bottle, will you?

1:10:321:10:34

Give me 20 quid first.

1:10:341:10:36

I was meant to be going out tonight.

1:10:361:10:38

Well, go on. Don't worry about me. Never did before.

1:10:381:10:42

-Didn't you used to have hair once?

-Yeah. Give me the bottle.

1:10:421:10:45

-Is that what happens when you marry to her?

-I ain't playing your games.

1:10:451:10:49

I wonder if Greg'll start losing his next.

1:10:491:10:51

I thought you were doing all right?

1:10:551:10:57

So I slipped up. I'm not the first to go back on something people swore they'd never go back on.

1:10:571:11:02

-That's it. Enough, enough! Come here!

-Let me finish!

1:11:021:11:05

Go upstairs and sleep it off. Come here.

1:11:051:11:07

-You're so forceful.

-No-one's laughing, Rainie.

1:11:071:11:10

Come on. Bed.

1:11:101:11:12

That's what your brother said to me. He's very persuasive, Jack.

1:11:121:11:15

I can't deal with this.

1:11:151:11:17

But then you'd know all about that, won't you?

1:11:171:11:19

Which one was better? Jack or Max?

1:11:191:11:22

That's enough! Come on, upstairs.

1:11:221:11:24

Come on. Upstairs, sleep it off.

1:11:241:11:26

-All right, get off me.

-One foot in front of the other. Keep going.

1:11:261:11:31

-I messed it all up.

-No, you didn't.

1:11:311:11:33

What if she gets sent back cos of what I said?

1:11:331:11:35

-Gents, you gonna go and see Tam?

-No, we were just going to chill at mine.

1:11:351:11:39

That wasn't a question.

1:11:391:11:42

He's a bit worried about his dance for the mehndi.

1:11:421:11:45

And you want some of Fatboy moves, huh?

1:11:451:11:48

Oh, oh. Oo-o-oh.

1:11:481:11:51

Come on.

1:11:511:11:52

Well, I think he'll appreciate your chips at least.

1:11:521:11:56

Do I have to wear a vest top?

1:12:001:12:01

Are you sure about this? Cos I tell you something, I'm not.

1:12:031:12:06

Course I'm sure.

1:12:061:12:08

Why don't we go somewhere else, eh?

1:12:081:12:10

-I've booked you a stripper now.

-I hope you haven't.

1:12:101:12:13

I'm just really worried you're going to hate it.

1:12:141:12:17

I'll just pretend it's a wildlife documentary.

1:12:171:12:19

You know, gays in their natural habitat.

1:12:191:12:22

Are you trying to wind me up?!

1:12:221:12:24

Come on, we never go anywhere like this together.

1:12:241:12:29

You never answered me.

1:12:291:12:31

About the vest.

1:12:311:12:33

So I'm thinking we do a little Bollywood mix and blend and that, you know.

1:12:351:12:39

Start off with a love story ting.

1:12:391:12:42

-And then, yeah, what we do...

-Watch the menus.

1:12:421:12:46

Sorry about that, bruv. But then we do like, the village girl thing, you know, like...

1:12:461:12:51

-I ain't doing that.

-Come on, man.

1:12:511:12:53

And then we stick in some sick slow-mo street style.

1:12:531:12:56

-We've got four days.

-Yeah.

1:12:571:12:59

And then we scratch it all together with a little bit of baseline.

1:12:591:13:02

And then we top it all off with the Slumdog train station, you know.

1:13:021:13:07

-Boo-yaka(!)

-Come on, man. Come on.

1:13:071:13:10

-I don't really look good in orange.

-Just your skin tone then?

1:13:101:13:14

I can't do backflips.

1:13:151:13:16

-You might not even be here.

-Jodie!

1:13:161:13:18

I mean, I'm not being funny, but she can't really do anything

1:13:201:13:23

if she's in handcuffs and getting on a plane.

1:13:231:13:25

Mercy's staying. In the routine, in the country.

1:13:251:13:29

Still, she can't do backflips, can she?

1:13:321:13:35

Took ages to settle her down.

1:13:461:13:48

I should go and check on her.

1:13:511:13:53

Tanya. It's OK.

1:14:031:14:05

I just... I just want my sister back, you know.

1:14:071:14:10

I know, I know, I know...

1:14:101:14:12

You and me...

1:14:191:14:20

(No, Max.)

1:14:211:14:23

..we're like that, in't we.

1:14:231:14:25

We're like Rainie.

1:14:271:14:29

Be as strong as you like and one day you know you're going to fall off the wagon.

1:14:321:14:37

Tan?

1:14:491:14:50

Where are you?

1:14:501:14:51

I just got your voicemail. I've been working at Max's.

1:14:531:14:57

Yeah. I rang Vanessa when you didn't answer.

1:15:031:15:06

-Vanessa?

-Yeah.

1:15:061:15:08

I thought she might be over at the house with you.

1:15:081:15:11

Old bleach for brains didn't want her precious arch interrupting.

1:15:111:15:16

So... And she was out.

1:15:161:15:17

She was out with Max, so.

1:15:171:15:19

Listen, couple of hours a day. We are gonna smash this!

1:15:251:15:28

-Couple of hours?

-One look at the Fats' routine

1:15:281:15:31

-and it'll be, "Afia, you are the weakest link, bye-bye."

-Will it?

1:15:311:15:34

-Yeah. Not that it's a competition, or anything.

-That's what I heard.

1:15:341:15:38

No competition at all.

1:15:381:15:40

D'you want a drink?

1:15:431:15:44

Hey. Listen, about yesterday. You know, flipping out and that.

1:15:441:15:50

It's OK. You were stressed.

1:15:501:15:51

-You didn't come home.

-No, I crashed at Darren's.

1:15:531:15:57

Look, I'm sorry.

1:15:591:16:01

About everything, you know.

1:16:011:16:03

I just wish none of this had happened.

1:16:031:16:05

It's not like it's your fault.

1:16:051:16:07

Yeah, but I just want you to be able to stay, you know.

1:16:081:16:12

-This is way better than school.

-You're really quick, you know?

1:16:201:16:23

Took me months to figure out how these reels work.

1:16:231:16:26

So, tomorrow you'll be able to tell your teachers how to win a jackpot every time.

1:16:261:16:32

-What are you doing?

-I asked him.

1:16:341:16:38

Not got any friends your own age to play with?

1:16:381:16:40

I, er...

1:16:401:16:42

I bumped into him. Coming out of school.

1:16:421:16:45

-He's only giving me a hand.

-Always let a lady know what you're up to before you're up to it.

1:16:471:16:51

Trust me, it'll save you a whole lot of trouble.

1:16:521:16:55

I hope you scrub that table down when you're finished.

1:16:561:16:59

I'll scrub the table.

1:16:591:17:01

Scrub the worktop, scrub the floor.

1:17:011:17:04

I've not seen him as happy as this since his dad went away.

1:17:081:17:11

Well, it's not easy, is it?

1:17:111:17:12

When families are apart.

1:17:121:17:15

When you can't see the ones you love.

1:17:151:17:17

Tea?

1:17:191:17:21

First a pint, now a cup of tea. People'll talk.

1:17:211:17:27

What?!

1:17:301:17:32

Tell me at least one of these is persuadable.

1:17:351:17:37

Just the one?

1:17:371:17:38

Tanya says she's going to be another hour.

1:17:381:17:40

Good. Tell her not to rush.

1:17:401:17:42

Babe. You all right?

1:17:421:17:44

-Christian Clarke.

-Danny boy, come here! How you doing, you all right?

-You well?

-Yeah, good.

1:17:441:17:50

This is Sy.

1:17:501:17:51

-Lovely to meet you.

-And this is Roxy.

1:17:531:17:56

-Amazing.

-He's the one I've been telling you about.

1:17:561:18:00

Oh, yeah!

1:18:001:18:01

Congratulations!

1:18:011:18:02

Cheers.

1:18:061:18:08

-Rainie, she had a breakdown.

-And you couldn't even ring?

1:18:081:18:12

Could you even hear me over that? Rainie had a breakdown.

1:18:121:18:15

Can you hear me? She was going mental, smashing up the house.

1:18:151:18:18

And that's your problem, is it?

1:18:181:18:20

It was Tanya. She was terrified.

1:18:201:18:22

-Oh, poor Tanya.

-Greg was out getting filler.

1:18:221:18:24

-You want the house full of holes?

-You couldn't get there fast enough.

1:18:241:18:27

Three-year-old in the house...

1:18:271:18:29

-Oscar was at nursery.

-He weren't.

1:18:291:18:31

You want to go round Tanya's and check, do you?

1:18:311:18:34

Well, go on!

1:18:341:18:36

-I still don't get why Max didn't just come and get me.

-Rainie was...

1:18:361:18:39

-I was only across the road.

-She was out of control, Greg.

1:18:391:18:42

-Out of control? He still didn't come over?

-He wanted to come and get you but...

1:18:421:18:45

that would've meant leaving me on my own with her. I was scared.

1:18:451:18:48

I was terrified, Greg. I've never seen her like this.

1:18:481:18:50

-Like what?

-She just came at me.

-What do you mean, she came at you?

1:18:501:18:55

She just came at me! With a...kitchen knife.

1:18:551:18:57

I was stood outside that Tube station for 45 minutes, Max.

1:18:571:19:01

My ex-sister-in-law about to self-destruct

1:19:011:19:03

so sorry for not thinking of buying you diamonds(!)

1:19:031:19:05

V, the whole world don't revolve around you, you know.

1:19:051:19:08

-I didn't say it did.

-My life here...

1:19:081:19:09

is complicated. If you can't get your head round it...

1:19:091:19:12

Don't you want to marry me?

1:19:121:19:13

I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying this has got to stop.

1:19:131:19:16

All your little petty insecurities.

1:19:161:19:18

Don't you dare turn this round on me.

1:19:211:19:23

Me and Tanya, we've got kids.

1:19:231:19:25

We've got history... but that's all it is. History.

1:19:251:19:28

But if you can't deal with it.

1:19:291:19:31

I can deal with it.

1:19:341:19:36

She has got to go. It was only meant to be for a few days.

1:19:381:19:41

-Greg! She's my sister.

-If she can lose control like that...

1:19:411:19:44

She didn't really lose control, honestly.

1:19:441:19:47

She came at you with a kitchen knife!

1:19:471:19:50

I'm sorry, but she has got to go.

1:19:501:19:53

-You told them, didn't you?

-Don't know what you're on about.

1:20:011:20:04

You told them a pack of lies.

1:20:041:20:06

It wasn't lies, though. Was it?

1:20:061:20:08

You know what, I'm so glad that my dad's dead.

1:20:081:20:11

So that he didn't have to see what a cow his beloved Pat's become.

1:20:111:20:15

And you think he'd be proud of you?

1:20:151:20:17

Killing old ladies?

1:20:171:20:19

I didn't kill her!

1:20:191:20:22

Taking you away in that police car never happened?

1:20:221:20:24

You've just got it wrong. All right?

1:20:241:20:28

-You've got it wrong. I loved her. And I haven't killed her.

-Yeah, right.

1:20:281:20:32

Yeah, well...

1:20:321:20:34

Might have known she'd get you on side.

1:20:341:20:37

Tell you what she did, did she?

1:20:371:20:39

She didn't do anything.

1:20:391:20:41

I called them.

1:20:411:20:44

Me.

1:20:441:20:46

D'you know what, babe, I don't like it here. Too many memories.

1:20:511:20:54

-I can't believe we haven't been here before.

-Come on,

1:20:541:20:57

-can't we go somewhere else?

-No! We're having fun.

-I'm not.

1:20:571:21:00

And Sy's probably hating it.

1:21:001:21:02

Syed is doing just fine.

1:21:021:21:04

He's trying hard for you.

1:21:041:21:07

-Hey, I've just been hearing all your secrets.

-He is lovely.

1:21:071:21:10

It's Christian's birthday.

1:21:101:21:12

Thought you were looking a bit older.

1:21:121:21:14

-Oi...

-It was yesterday.

1:21:141:21:16

It used to be his birthday every week. Anything so the old tart

1:21:161:21:20

could scam himself a drink.

1:21:201:21:21

How come you haven't brought him out before?

1:21:211:21:25

He don't like going out that much.

1:21:251:21:27

He's not doing the old "lock them up in a cellar" thing again, is he?

1:21:271:21:31

No...

1:21:311:21:33

You poisoned me!

1:21:331:21:35

You ripped my heart out. You threw it on the floor and you trampled all over it.

1:21:351:21:39

-I know what you're capable of.

-No, no. You know nothing about this.

1:21:391:21:42

-You stabbed yourself with a carving knife!

-I'm talking to Pat.

1:21:421:21:45

-You told me you wanted her dead.

-Not like that.

1:21:451:21:49

What sort of dead was it then?

1:21:491:21:52

The sort where you're in hospital and you can't breathe? That sort?

1:21:521:21:55

I bet you tried to change her will. Get your hands on her stuff.

1:21:551:21:58

I've been burgled. There is no stuff!

1:21:581:22:01

-Why did the police arrest you?

-They didn't.

1:22:011:22:03

They took me in for questioning.

1:22:031:22:05

Because they knew you killed her.

1:22:051:22:08

Come to think of it, all you ever talked about was money.

1:22:081:22:10

Well, maybe if I had a husband who had any...

1:22:101:22:13

-How to get it, how you'd spend it, and that's it.

-Fine. Maybe at first

1:22:131:22:17

I wanted her money. Maybe at first. But I loved her!

1:22:171:22:21

And I looked after her out of love!

1:22:211:22:23

-Love?

-The problem with that is, Janine, you ain't got a charitable bone in your body.

1:22:231:22:27

And since when did you become Mother Teresa(?)

1:22:271:22:31

You have no idea what love is.

1:22:311:22:33

You might have got away with what you did to me but you ain't getting away with this.

1:22:331:22:36

She was my granny...

1:22:361:22:39

you know, she was my mum's mum...

1:22:391:22:41

and that's the last link that I had to my mother

1:22:411:22:45

who loved me until someone drove her into an early grave.

1:22:451:22:49

I was just getting to know her.

1:22:501:22:53

She was getting to know me. And I loved her,

1:22:551:22:57

OK? And she died.

1:22:571:23:00

And that's what happens in life.

1:23:001:23:03

People...they die.

1:23:031:23:07

You don't want to push a woman like that too far.

1:23:221:23:26

Oi, watch it, beardy!

1:23:361:23:39

What's going on with all the beards? Since when were beards back anyway?

1:23:421:23:46

Did someone just wake up one day and go, "Smooth is so last season"?

1:23:461:23:50

-And what is with all the chest hair?

-Babe!

1:23:501:23:54

I love chest hair, I like running my fingers through it.

1:23:541:23:58

So what was all that about?

1:23:581:23:59

Getting a drink. Do you want one?

1:23:591:24:01

-I meant over there.

-I was talking to your friends.

1:24:011:24:04

That was way more than talking.

1:24:041:24:06

-He didn't have his tongue down his throat.

-Not yet, babe.

1:24:061:24:08

-Christian!

-I wasn't born yesterday. As you keep pointing out to me.

1:24:081:24:12

-You're being stupid.

-Yeah, stupid and last year's flavour apparently.

1:24:121:24:16

-I was only talking!

-Come on darling, we're going.

-Christian!

1:24:161:24:20

I don't want to live with Mum.

1:24:201:24:23

I want to live with you.

1:24:231:24:24

It won't be for long.

1:24:271:24:31

It was only one little mistake, Tanya.

1:24:311:24:33

What happened to "not going anywhere"?

1:24:331:24:36

It's not me. It's Greg.

1:24:411:24:43

So tell him!

1:24:431:24:45

It was one little mistake, Tanya.

1:24:451:24:50

I'm your sister.

1:24:501:24:52

I need you. Please?

1:24:521:24:55

I'm sorry.

1:24:571:24:59

-Here, apparently it all kicked off in the Vic last night.

-How can you burn soup?

1:25:271:25:31

Tracey said that Pat and Ryan reckon that Janine killed her nan!

1:25:311:25:35

-Janine wouldn't do that.

-According to Tracey, the police said...

-I was with her. She was gutted, OK?

1:25:351:25:38

OK.

1:25:381:25:40

-What one do you think?

-Trying to impress the in-laws?

-No.

1:25:411:25:44

-Want to borrow my aftershave?

-Babe, he's trying to impress 'em!

1:25:441:25:47

-What's wrong with my aftershave?

-Do you want some soup?

1:25:471:25:51

-No, thanks.

-Why don't you give some to Ian,

1:25:521:25:55

seeing as he's looking after your stall?

1:25:551:25:57

You found anywhere to live yet?

1:25:571:25:59

No, no, it ain't that easy.

1:25:591:26:02

You pick up a paper, answer an ad, pack your bags and go. How easy do you want it?

1:26:021:26:06

-I'll find us somewhere.

-I know you will.

1:26:081:26:11

Look in the paper...

1:26:111:26:14

Answer an ad...

1:26:141:26:16

Billy? Billy, your soup!

1:26:171:26:20

I thought you were keeping it small.

1:26:231:26:25

Well, you know, how often does a geezer get engaged?

1:26:251:26:28

Yeah, is that a regular geezer... or you?

1:26:281:26:30

Thank you, Lauren(!)

1:26:301:26:31

-Ooh, I'm impressed.

-All right? You going to give a hand?

1:26:311:26:35

-What? With these nails? Is that my rug?

-Yeah.

1:26:351:26:37

-And...did you get the other thing?

-You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?

1:26:371:26:42

Seventh of July?

1:26:541:26:55

They called this morning.

1:26:551:26:57

That's...three weeks away.

1:26:571:27:00

Well, the sooner the better.

1:27:001:27:03

The most likely outcome is a custodial sentence.

1:27:031:27:06

Thank you so much for coming.

1:27:061:27:09

You've got to be prepared for it.

1:27:091:27:11

-You could have saved yourself a journey. You could have phoned us.

-Ronnie!

1:27:111:27:15

I'm just saying, there's not much to talk about.

1:27:151:27:18

Actually, Mrs Branning, there is.

1:27:181:27:21

You're just scared that we'll totally show you up.

1:27:211:27:24

-Totally? Who are you, Gossip Girl?

-Changing the subject.

1:27:241:27:27

-But I don't need to...

-You just did.

1:27:271:27:30

..because me and my girls have got a secret weapon.

1:27:301:27:33

Hasta la vista, baby.

1:27:331:27:35

Afia, Tamwar.

1:27:391:27:40

-They're having a laugh, ain't they? I mean, who's going to pay that much a month for a bedsit?

-That's a week.

1:27:461:27:53

I'm just trying to provide.

1:27:561:27:58

Me too.

1:27:591:28:00

I just want them back. All of them.

1:28:011:28:05

-A suspended sentence? That's good.

-It's only a possibility.

1:28:071:28:10

Yeah, but there's a chance.

1:28:101:28:12

It depends on the forensic psychiatrists.

1:28:121:28:15

-If we can prove your wife has a serious psychiatric disorder.

-But I don't.

1:28:151:28:19

Ron, just let the woman speak.

1:28:191:28:20

-Depends on the psychiatrist but if they say there's a problem that's treatable...

-This is crazy.

1:28:201:28:25

Do you want to go down?

1:28:251:28:27

Any suspended sentence would have conditions attached. You'd have to agree to psychiatric treatment.

1:28:271:28:32

-Would you please stop?

-The woman's trying to help.

1:28:321:28:35

-By saying I'm mental?

-You could get two or three years.

-I took someone's baby.

1:28:351:28:39

-Or four or five.

-Jack, I took somebody else's baby.

1:28:391:28:41

-You didn't know what you were doing.

-Jack, come on!

1:28:411:28:44

-You were panicking. You were grief stricken.

-But I still did it. I don't have a psychiatric disorder.

1:28:441:28:49

I should...

1:28:491:28:51

leave you to talk.

1:28:511:28:53

Call me...when you're ready.

1:28:561:28:58

I'm not going to lie.

1:29:071:29:09

MUSIC: "Work" by Kelly Rowland

1:29:251:29:30

-Oh, man, they are good.

-They're better than good.

-They're much better than good!

1:29:331:29:37

That's it, ladies, nice and sexy.

1:29:371:29:40

Mercy, hands go up.

1:29:401:29:42

Look at Jodie's batty, though!

1:29:421:29:44

And work, two, three, uh...

1:29:441:29:47

Hey!

1:29:491:29:50

Turn...

1:29:501:29:51

-Tam!

-Darren!

-Arthur!

-Arthur?

1:29:511:29:56

Sushi selection. Front of the table, next to the spring rolls.

1:30:031:30:06

-Who's going to eat sushi?

-Do you want to sit on the naughty step?

-It's not even cooked.

1:30:061:30:11

Thank you, Abi. And smoked salmon blinis.

1:30:111:30:14

-That's not cooked either.

-Naughty step, Lauren.

1:30:141:30:16

-All right, see you in A&E, Mummy.

-It looks lovely out there.

1:30:161:30:20

-It's not too much?

-No. It's beautiful. Just like you.

1:30:201:30:23

-What I said, last night...

-Forget about last night.

1:30:241:30:28

You and me, married. It's going to be great.

1:30:281:30:31

-Just for an hour.

-No, you go.

-He's my brother.

1:30:331:30:35

I'm not stopping you, am I?

1:30:351:30:37

But I want you there with me, don't I?

1:30:371:30:40

-It'll take your mind off everything.

-I don't want to go to a party.

1:30:401:30:43

Everyone's going to be looking at me, staring.

1:30:431:30:46

They're family, all right? They're going to be on your side.

1:30:461:30:51

-Do you want us to die out there?

-Yeah, Afia's got a choreographer.

1:30:511:30:54

Yeah, but we've got me though, innit, you know?

1:30:541:30:57

Tam, I've got clients booked.

1:30:571:31:00

You see...

1:31:001:31:02

I've got the moves, all right, but they're not strictly halal.

1:31:021:31:06

-So, you'd only have to help us with a few things, you know.

-And this guy she's got?

1:31:061:31:11

-Yeah...it's Christian.

-Christian?

-Yeah. You're my brother.

1:31:131:31:18

Please?

1:31:181:31:20

Happy engagement.

1:31:261:31:28

Thank you. Champagne?

1:31:281:31:30

Yeah, please. Whitney said she'd come later.

1:31:301:31:32

They're always running off somewhere at that age. Probably some boy.

1:31:321:31:36

Ah, I didn't mean running off.

1:31:371:31:39

Thanks ever so much for inviting me, Max.

1:31:391:31:42

Don't be silly, Dot, you're family.

1:31:421:31:44

-Carol, sorry, shoes, please. If you don't mind?

-Oh. Right, OK.

1:31:441:31:49

-You do know that's raw fish, Grandma?

-What?

1:31:501:31:53

-Lauren!

-She ain't going to eat raw fish, is she?

1:31:531:31:56

-She can have a spring roll.

-No, she doesn't eat anything foreign.

1:31:561:31:59

Well, I did try a curry last week, Lauren.

1:31:591:32:03

-So, we're going to be sisters.

-Yeah. That'll be interesting.

-Swap clothes and all that.

1:32:031:32:07

I don't think I've got anything that would suit you.

1:32:071:32:10

I was thinking maybe you might want to borrow some of mine.

1:32:101:32:13

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Yeah, two jobs, four grandkids.

1:32:131:32:16

Probably can't spare the couple of hours each morning.

1:32:161:32:21

All right, Tanya. All right, Greg.

1:32:211:32:24

-Congratulations, Max.

-Thank you very much. Right, go through.

1:32:241:32:29

-Hello, everyone. All right?

-Hello.

1:32:311:32:34

-Mrs Branning.

-Champagne?

1:32:341:32:35

-Yeah, yeah.

-Champagne?

1:32:351:32:37

Tanya, you look gorgeous.

1:32:371:32:39

It's just an old one, actually.

1:32:391:32:40

You've been in the bathroom for hours.

1:32:401:32:43

-That's us girls for you.

-Yeah, older you get, harder you have to try.

1:32:431:32:46

-We've got some news of our own, don't we?

-Hey? Oh, not now.

1:32:461:32:50

They're going to find out sooner or later.

1:32:501:32:52

-Tell me you're not pregnant.

-Well... No, not yet. But we're trying, aren't we?

1:32:521:32:57

-Eugh, too much information!

-Mum, that's brilliant.

1:32:571:32:59

You wait, Greg. Wait till you see what she gets like.

1:32:591:33:03

Congratulations.

1:33:031:33:04

Well, it's not like she's actually pregnant yet, is she?

1:33:041:33:08

Right, shall we get back to celebrating mine and Max's engagement?

1:33:081:33:13

Tanya, shoes, please, darling. Not on the rug.

1:33:131:33:15

Well, it is usually the bride's family that plans the Mehndi.

1:33:201:33:25

It's next week, Denise.

1:33:251:33:27

Usually the bride's family decides they are the bride's family a bit earlier.

1:33:271:33:31

Anyway, I thought we could have waiters with drinks, as people come in.

1:33:311:33:36

-People like to get their own drinks.

-Yeah, but some smart waiters

1:33:361:33:41

might be nice. Bit different.

1:33:411:33:43

Would you like them to be topless?

1:33:451:33:47

-These waiters?

-No, of course they shouldn't be topless, Zainab.

1:33:471:33:50

Well, it's just, you know, you want things to be "a bit different".

1:33:501:33:54

And you've told me about enough of your hen nights.

1:33:541:33:57

What do you think, Yusef?

1:33:571:33:59

I think...a bar area where people can get their own.

1:33:591:34:02

-Thank you.

-And one or two waiters with a welcome drink by the door.

1:34:021:34:06

Lovely idea.

1:34:061:34:09

Do you want to change the food as well? Fried chicken perhaps?

1:34:111:34:15

If you've got a problem with me being here, Zainab, just say.

1:34:171:34:21

Why would I have a problem with my friend?

1:34:211:34:23

As Yusef's partner, it's only right I should be involved.

1:34:231:34:27

-Did I say that you shouldn't?

-Well, you know, he's got me and you've...

1:34:271:34:31

Well, you've got both of us, don't you?

1:34:341:34:36

-Jay!

-All right, Abs.

1:35:031:35:06

-Oscar's crashed on your bed, darling. Too much football.

-You two are banned from going up there.

-Dad!

1:35:061:35:11

Seriously, if I see you anywhere near that staircase...

1:35:111:35:14

All right, Max. Not all men are like you. Some manage to keep it in their trousers.

1:35:141:35:18

-Mum!

-And I know that Jay is one of them.

1:35:181:35:21

Of course, Mrs Branning.

1:35:211:35:23

It's Mrs Jessop now, Jay.

1:35:231:35:25

Haven't been Branning for a long time.

1:35:251:35:28

Come through. Take your shoes off.

1:35:281:35:30

-What a shame Jim couldn't be here.

-Dad would love all this.

1:35:301:35:34

I think I'll have one of them prawn parcels.

1:35:341:35:37

-Here you are, go on have this.

-Oh, ta.

1:35:371:35:39

One of us getting married. Again.

1:35:391:35:40

-Never hurts to be adventurous.

-I'll get you a coaster for that.

1:35:401:35:46

DOORBELL RINGS

1:35:461:35:47

I've not seen your friend Edward around for a while.

1:35:471:35:50

Oh, Mr Bishop? He's a very busy man, Carol.

1:35:501:35:54

Max, Vanessa, congratulations.

1:36:021:36:04

-Jack. Ronnie.

-Yep.

-All right?

1:36:041:36:10

Shoes, please.

1:36:101:36:13

-Hey. You're very welcome.

-Thank you.

-You want a drink?

1:36:161:36:22

Yeah, I'd love one.

1:36:221:36:24

-And I thought...trainers.

-With all those sparkles?

1:36:361:36:41

-We're tearing up the rule book.

-I'm sorry, I don't do trainers.

1:36:411:36:44

Oh, is this for your wedding then?

1:36:441:36:46

Yeah, for the bit before, the Mehndi.

1:36:461:36:49

-My wedding dress is sorted.

-Another couple of weeks, you'll have a place of your own.

1:36:491:36:53

I'll have to live with Tam to start with.

1:36:531:36:55

OMG, why didn't anyone say? Mum'll be going mental.

1:36:551:36:59

I'll soon have a place of my own.

1:36:591:37:01

-Will you?

-Yeah, yeah. Billy's going to sort us out a flat. You know, together.

1:37:011:37:06

I could do the rest of the deposit with the second month's rent...

1:37:081:37:11

cos hopefully by that time I'll have a new job...

1:37:111:37:14

Hey, hey. Now there's the face of a girl that's scared she's going to be danced out the hall!

1:37:241:37:29

That is the face of a girl who's late for her mum's engagement party. Come on.

1:37:291:37:33

-See you all tomorrow.

-Remember, not a word, all right?

1:37:331:37:35

-If you'd given us these names weeks ago...

-I gave you my names.

1:37:401:37:44

But they're not on the list, are they?

1:37:441:37:46

These are Masood's names.

1:37:461:37:48

Do you want to go and pick up the little bags? For the mithai?

1:37:481:37:52

-She doesn't need to do that.

-I am perfectly capable of picking up some bags.

-Yusef?

1:37:521:37:56

Just let her do it, Zainab.

1:37:561:37:57

I've already got the little bags.

1:38:011:38:03

So you have.

1:38:031:38:05

What time do you call this, Darren?

1:38:091:38:11

Well, we was out, you know, dancing.

1:38:111:38:13

Yeah, that's what they call it these days?

1:38:131:38:16

-No, really. We were practising.

-Yeah, for Tamwar's thingy.

1:38:161:38:19

Well you best not be late for the wedding. Shoes.

1:38:191:38:22

And miss sitting in a glass coach with my mum?

1:38:221:38:24

-Let all them white horses go without me?

-(White horses?)

1:38:241:38:29

-So has Rainie gone for long?

-Just till she gets back on track.

1:38:291:38:33

-Greg said that she really lost it.

-Yeah, she'll be all right.

1:38:331:38:37

She'll get there.

1:38:371:38:38

I thought Tanya might say she was happy with the ones she's got.

1:38:431:38:47

I could have lived with that. But you want your own, don't you?

1:38:471:38:51

Gorgeous little smiling baby, giggling away,

1:38:511:38:57

-dribbling all over you...

-Greg.

1:38:571:38:59

Sorry.

1:39:001:39:01

I hope that you and...

1:39:031:39:06

I hope that you and Tanya... I wish you lots of luck.

1:39:061:39:09

I've just been helping Tam.

1:39:181:39:20

Afia's got some hotshot choreographer, apparently.

1:39:201:39:24

So I'm going to make sure the boys dance them off the floor.

1:39:241:39:27

That your little revenge, is it? For last night?

1:39:271:39:30

That's petty, Sy, even for you.

1:39:301:39:33

-No, you left me in a bar on my own!

-So, that's what this is about?

1:39:331:39:37

No, this is about helping my brother. What about you?

1:39:371:39:41

Let's see.

1:39:411:39:44

-Sisters in law?

-It's not a joke.

1:39:441:39:47

-Cheers.

-I'm sorry if you think that I ruined your birthday night out.

1:39:471:39:51

But I didn't do anything wrong.

1:39:511:39:53

They're not my family either, Ronnie.

1:40:101:40:12

They're Jim's. Do you know, they ain't even been round

1:40:121:40:17

since he went into the Sunflower?

1:40:171:40:19

You know, the nursing home.

1:40:191:40:21

You and me,

1:40:211:40:24

we don't fit in.

1:40:241:40:27

You know, every time my Nick done something wrong...

1:40:271:40:30

Oh, I ain't saying that you're like him, cos you ain't.

1:40:301:40:34

You're a good soul.

1:40:341:40:35

But, every time, I felt the eyes of the world on me. Staring.

1:40:351:40:40

But you see you've just got to get on with it.

1:40:401:40:44

Hold your head up high.

1:40:441:40:47

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."

1:40:471:40:53

Well, look at him here.

1:40:531:40:55

Vanessa's sorting my hair out for the wedding.

1:41:031:41:06

I'm hoping she'll teach me the secret of the helmet.

1:41:071:41:11

Can I get your attention, please, everyone?

1:41:111:41:14

-Have you been smoking?

-Not now, Abi, please.

1:41:141:41:18

You promised. You're such a liar!

1:41:181:41:19

Thanks, everyone, for coming.

1:41:191:41:22

I'm not very good with words and all that.

1:41:221:41:25

Don't stop you from talking though, does it?

1:41:251:41:28

They say actions speak louder than words. So I will say,

1:41:281:41:30

in front of my family, my children,

1:41:301:41:33

and all the people that mean the most to me,

1:41:331:41:37

Vanessa, I love you.

1:41:371:41:38

Don't let her mascara run or we'll all drown.

1:41:381:41:41

-Thank you for doing me the honour of agreeing to be my wife.

-Oh, Max. It's gorgeous!

1:41:411:41:47

Just like you.

1:41:471:41:49

-I didn't want to go there!

-You suggested it!

1:42:031:42:06

-And I'll talk to who I want to.

-Go on, then!

1:42:061:42:09

-You don't own me, you can't stop me.

-And I'm not trying to!

1:42:091:42:12

Make your new friends. Talk away.

1:42:121:42:13

I would, if I wanted to, but I don't. That's the difference.

1:42:131:42:16

I don't want to talk to anybody else.

1:42:161:42:18

Then why are we arguing?

1:42:181:42:20

Because I want to be able to, OK? I just need some space.

1:42:201:42:24

Well, when you find some, you can tell me where I can get a bit.

1:42:241:42:28

Because until you moved in here I had loads of the stuff.

1:42:281:42:31

-Maybe we should be looking for two new places.

-Maybe we should.

1:42:311:42:36

I was only talking to them. It's not like I kissed them. It's not like I took their number.

1:42:361:42:40

Oh, here we go. Bring that up again. New Year's Eve, little kiss, what a tramp.

1:42:401:42:44

Every time we split up you were with another bloke.

1:42:441:42:47

-Anything else?

-Just don't judge me by your standards.

1:42:471:42:50

I didn't think I had any standards according to you.

1:42:501:42:53

-I'm a one-man man.

-That's right. Unless you're being a one-woman man.

1:42:531:42:57

-Well, that was cheap.

-Yeah, well I thought

1:42:591:43:01

we'd already established that. I'm cheap all over.

1:43:011:43:04

All I'm saying is, I just...

1:43:051:43:07

I want my own life as well.

1:43:071:43:09

And you've got to learn to trust me.

1:43:091:43:12

You know, I'm here with you...

1:43:231:43:26

in all your bonkers-ness...

1:43:261:43:29

..because I want to be.

1:43:331:43:37

And if other blokes go after me

1:43:381:43:40

then isn't that proof that I'm here out of choice?

1:43:401:43:42

Sy, it's not about other guys.

1:43:491:43:53

I'm just scared.

1:43:551:43:58

Scared that one day you're going to wake up...

1:43:581:44:00

..and want something else.

1:44:021:44:05

-Syed?

-Yeah.

-That's good.

1:44:121:44:14

Yeah, I think he was pleased to be asked.

1:44:141:44:16

-And Christian?

-Christian's gone over to the dark side.

1:44:161:44:20

But it's, um...

1:44:201:44:22

It's fresh. You know, different.

1:44:221:44:25

-Good different?

-Yeah, I think.

1:44:291:44:32

I don't know what Mum will think of it.

1:44:331:44:37

Well, who knows what your mum thinks?

1:44:371:44:39

-And Fatboy and Darren?

-Yeah, you asked them.

1:44:391:44:41

No, I just saw you together, and...

1:44:411:44:44

You know you should be teaching me not to lie?

1:44:441:44:47

I thought you could do with two right feet to match those left ones.

1:44:471:44:51

Can't have Afia victorious, can we?

1:44:511:44:53

It's a marriage, not a war.

1:44:531:44:55

Marriage, Tamwar, is always a war.

1:44:551:44:57

So, how are things?

1:45:031:45:04

At home?

1:45:041:45:07

-Does Yusef come round much?

-Dad, look, you're wrong about him.

1:45:071:45:10

Sorry, I shouldn't have asked.

1:45:101:45:12

There's nothing going on.

1:45:121:45:15

If someone had told me a year ago

1:45:201:45:23

that you and I would be sat here, planning our children's wedding...

1:45:231:45:27

But you can't see the future. Tomorrow's always unknown.

1:45:271:45:30

And the photographer?

1:45:341:45:36

One to take the formal poses, and one to circulate, more casual.

1:45:361:45:39

When I was her age, we would never have had boys at a Mehndi.

1:45:421:45:47

When we were her age we'd already be...

1:45:471:45:50

Let's not. Please.

1:45:551:45:58

Would you two get a room? Oh, no, sorry. You're not allowed one.

1:46:141:46:19

Did you want something?

1:46:191:46:21

Ah. So sweet. And in love.

1:46:211:46:24

Don't worry, Lauren, you'll get a boyfriend, one day.

1:46:241:46:27

Who would've thought it, you settling for my little baby sister?

1:46:301:46:33

Who said I was settling?

1:46:331:46:35

What? Can't you take a real woman?

1:46:351:46:39

No wonder you ain't got a boyfriend.

1:46:441:46:47

-You all right, love?

-Shouldn't I be?

1:46:471:46:51

-Is someone feeling like a bit of a gooseberry?

-Shut up.

1:46:511:46:55

Don't know where the glasses have got to.

1:46:551:46:57

Oh, no, they're not in there any more, darling.

1:46:571:47:00

Everything's changed round here.

1:47:001:47:02

Thank you.

1:47:021:47:04

So sorry to hear about Rainie going. Still, least you won't have to call on Max again.

1:47:061:47:11

Morgan wants some more crisps.

1:47:111:47:13

So what happened to Walford's biggest boozer?

1:47:131:47:16

Without anyone driving me to it...

1:47:161:47:19

-You sure you ain't pregnant?

-Who knows? The amount me and Greg have been practising.

1:47:191:47:24

Max, I was just thinking, with you and Vanessa getting married,

1:47:261:47:29

that me and Jodie should get a flat of our own.

1:47:291:47:32

I must be paying you too much!

1:47:321:47:34

Don't let Morgan take the crisps in the lounge.

1:47:341:47:36

No, I was just thinking, maybe you two want a bit more privacy.

1:47:361:47:40

Darren, I am banking on you to help me get shoes allowed back in this house.

1:47:401:47:44

There you go, mate.

1:47:461:47:47

Hiya.

1:47:501:47:53

What have you got there?

1:47:531:47:54

Morgan?

1:47:561:47:58

Morgan, your Auntie Ronnie's talking to you, mate.

1:48:001:48:04

Tiff?

1:48:081:48:10

Tiff!

1:48:121:48:13

Ronnie!

1:48:181:48:19

It doesn't matter.

1:48:231:48:25

I'll try again tomorrow.

1:48:251:48:27

Get Ian to cover again.

1:48:271:48:29

-Ian's not been covering.

-I know.

1:48:341:48:37

Well, why didn't you say?

1:48:371:48:39

Well, cos I just thought you'd tell me in your own time.

1:48:391:48:44

You'll find something new.

1:48:441:48:45

I just wanted to get us somewhere nice to live.

1:48:451:48:48

And you will.

1:48:481:48:50

We're OK here for now.

1:48:501:48:52

And we've got each other.

1:48:521:48:54

Yeah.

1:48:541:48:56

It'll get better.

1:49:091:49:10

I was so nervous, it was better to keep dancing. Know what I mean?

1:49:181:49:21

Kind of jumped around the room a bit, and then...

1:49:211:49:24

OK, steady income, two-bed flat and experience raising children.

1:49:311:49:35

How do we get that?

1:49:351:49:37

I don't know, I guess some more Amy, Kamil.

1:49:371:49:40

Parents on side.

1:49:421:49:45

What? That's what the adoption lady said!

1:49:451:49:48

Oh, yeah, she also said a stable...

1:49:481:49:52

and committed relationship.

1:49:521:49:56

Well, now you're pushing it.

1:49:561:49:58

Dad.

1:50:011:50:02

-He tried to kill my dad!

-He's still my father.

1:50:081:50:10

You went behind my back.

1:50:101:50:12

-I was just talking to him.

-Well, I don't want you talking to him.

1:50:121:50:15

-He terrifies me.

-Afia!

-And I don't...

1:50:151:50:17

I don't want him...

1:50:171:50:19

No. Please, don't.

1:50:191:50:21

We could all be cowboys, like that.

1:50:261:50:28

Is that silly?

1:50:301:50:32

Max Branning eating sushi. She really has got you where she wants you.

1:50:381:50:44

-Can't keep away today, can you? Everywhere I turn.

-Don't flatter yourself.

1:50:461:50:51

I don't have to. That's why you're here.

1:50:511:50:54

Bet she's got you on a diet, and all.

1:50:541:50:56

What's your problem? Oh, yeah, Vanessa's ring's bigger than the one I bought you.

1:50:561:51:01

-I couldn't care less about the size of Vanessa's ring.

-You do care.

1:51:011:51:04

That's why you lied to Greg.

1:51:061:51:08

And you know why, Tanya?

1:51:081:51:10

Because you want me. Right here, right now, you can't stand the fact I'm marrying someone else.

1:51:111:51:17

Vanessa. I'm so sorry.

1:51:381:51:40

So what is this? What, you just say something like that then walk off, wait for me to follow you?

1:51:581:52:02

Well, I don't know. You tell me.

1:52:021:52:07

-Do you want some help?

-No, I'm fine. This is exactly how I wanted to spend my engagement(!)

1:52:111:52:17

Honestly, darling, I'm fine.

1:52:191:52:21

You are so arrogant!

1:52:441:52:46

-You're deluded.

-You're smarmy.

1:52:481:52:50

-You're up yourself.

-Pompous.

1:52:501:52:53

-Pretentious.

-Lying.

-Twisted.

1:52:531:52:55

-Condescending.

-Patronising.

-Cocky.

1:52:551:52:58

-Vain.

-Egocentric.

-Self-important.

1:52:581:53:00

-Smug.

-Deceitful.

-Two-faced.

1:53:001:53:02

-Three-faced.

-Two-timing.

-Three-timing.

-Hypocritical.

-Insincere.

1:53:021:53:07

Poisonous.

1:53:071:53:09

Toxic.

1:53:141:53:15

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1:53:421:53:45

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1:53:451:53:48

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