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-Now is not a good time.
-Babe, I need to see you...
That's a great motor, yeah. Take it for a spin.
You won't be disappointed.
All right, see you then. Bye.
Clocking on already?
Well, money never sleeps, does it?
Not even 40 winks.
You know what they say. All work and no play makes Max...
A rich man.
See you later.
Oscar's hidden the remote again, has he? You're a right little Houdini! Come here.
-The keys for the salon, actually. Can't find them anywhere.
-Is that right?
Cor! Your mum!
Honestly, eh? Doesn't know when it's under her nose sometimes.
Everything all right?
Yeah. Oscar and me are having a little morning off, aren't we?
We're going to eat some ice cream, go to the park for a kickabout.
Eat even more ice cream.
Things couldn't be better, could they, eh?
-Right. Come on, Abs! Shake a leg, it's quarter past!
Keep it down. My head is banging.
I'm not surprised, state you were in last night.
-Steady on, Tan.
And you can forget about that trip to Ayia Napa.
-You know what.
Like it's any of your business whether I'm on the pill or not.
I don't keep things from your mum. That's not how we operate, is it?
She's had enough of that from your old man.
Oi, cloth ears! That's three nights you owe me.
I heard you the first time.
How much?! What, per square foot? Right, cheers.
What are you doing?!
I'm helping you out. I mean, being that hot must be illegal.
-Why aren't you dressed and ready for school?
-I'm not feeling well.
Right, well, it is the last day of school, I suppose.
And you. You are not to go anywhere, do you understand?
-It's my turn to open the stall.
-Well, that's just tough, innit?
You watch her like a hawk.
Honestly, right, Tyler thinks he's God's gift.
-Lucky Jules weren't there.
-Well lucky. He'd have filled him in.
He is such a gent.
Men like ours are hard to find, Jode.
I'm teaching Jules how to foot-massage.
I don't even have to tell Darren my pizza toppings any more.
It's a two-way street, though.
It is a two-way street. I said to Darren,
romance is like a tandem.
-A tandem, Poppy. It's more fun if you both pedal.
Mum and Max are always doing little things for each other.
It's the little things, right, Mum?
Going to be late.
So anyway, did I tell you what he did when I was walking down?
You could have dropped them pills anywhere. No point in 'fessing up.
-I know my husband.
-What do you want to do, call the whole thing off?
Just say the word.
That's not what I'm saying, is it?
It's just, I can't talk to anyone else about it.
We can always talk at the flat.
-My appointment book's heaving.
-You know, we ain't christened the shower yet.
Half-twelve. Tube station.
How much? What, for an hour? No, thanks!
-I only clear the plates.
Carol, I'm having a get-together tonight.
Raise a glass to see us off.
Sorry. I got kids to look after.
Ricky's in Dubai. But then Liam would have told you all about that.
Here, Carol, is Tiff free later?
I'm having a little birthday bash for Bobby.
-Yeah, yeah, I'll bring her over. Thanks.
I needed to bolster the numbers.
Here, Mo, have you got any idea how much they want to hire a clown for the afternoon?
Max, how much do you pay Darren these days?
It's a joke, 150 big ones. Daylight robbery.
-Ian! Sorry, Meant to drop this off yesterday. It's just a little present and card for Bobby.
Presents are a bit thin on the ground this year.
Are they? Well, make sure you make a fuss of him.
That's all they want, really.
I promised him a party, but I don't know what eight-year-olds are into.
I can do you the complete package. All stress-free for £100.
-Where are you going to rustle up a birthday party out of thin air?
-I ain't. But I know a man who can.
I'm making a bacon sarnie, you want one?
Are you trying to make me hurl?
No-one forced vodka down your neck, Lauren. It was your own decision.
You just have to live with it.
-What is it with you and this phone?
Just face it, Abi, Jay ain't going to call!
He's probably lost interest.
For your information Lauren, I dumped him.
You all right?
All right, Rat Face? Mad Dog in?
OPERA MUSIC PLAYS QUIETLY
I'm after a complete birthday party experience.
Dig out them disco lights.
Fat Elvis let you down?
-He's on holiday.
Six months, credit card fraud.
Turn it down! Do you want the council poking their nose in?
Got some counterfeit vodka. Could light your barbecue with it.
-Slip it in the punch, they'll never know.
-It ain't a knees-up.
It's for an eight-year-old.
I got just the thing.
-Nice drop, that one.
-Yeah, it's Greg's favourite.
-I remember, we used to drink enough of them at the book club to sink the Ark Royal.
Great minds think alike.
The Merlot. I'm treating Max to lunch. Thought I'd go the whole hog.
Sorry, I think I've got the last one here.
-Ah, well, never mind.
-You know what, you have it.
-Yeah. Greg's more of a lager man anyway.
Max, it's me, when you get this, give me a call.
We're going to have to cancel.
Mum, how come you ain't at the salon?
Dumb and dumber are tearing their hair out.
What part of "grounded" don't you understand?
I came to see you!
Yeah, all right. Every time you open your mouth, it's another lie.
Must be in the genes.
Where did you...?
Come with me.
-Abs, will you just give us a minute, please?
Just pretend that I'm not here.
Does Greg know?
Relax. I told him they were mine.
Thank you. Thank you.
-He thinks you're trying for a baby, Mum!
I'm just trying to buy myself time.
You can't just rush into a decision like this. Not at my age.
Rush into what?
Marriage is a minefield, Lauren.
You get pregnant. Everything changes.
-A bloke looks elsewhere...
-What? Like you did?
I told you. What happened with me and your dad -
it was a mistake, all right? It was a stupid mistake and it's just, it's in the past now.
-I don't get it. Greg worships the ground you walk on.
-I know that.
-Yeah, and you keep lying to his face.
-It's not a "no", all right.
-It's just a "not yet".
-I don't believe you. You're making a mug of him. Again!
You're so cocksure, Lauren. You go and tell him.
Go and make his life a misery.
-You're doing that all on your own, Mum.
-Life does not fit into neat little boxes, Lauren.
I don't want to hurt him, all right?
That's the last thing I want to do.
You sound like dad, you know that?
I know that I've brought you up to tell the truth.
You and Abs. To be open and honest.
Cos most of the time that is the right way.
Most of the time.
-You do love him, don't you?
Greg! Who did you think I meant?
I married him, didn't I? I mean, of course.
Greg is kind. He's reliable.
He thinks the world of you three.
What more do you want, Mum?
I just want to take things at my own pace, Lauren.
You understand that, don't you?
I'll see you later, yeah?
-You're still grounded.
-I think this makes us quits, don't you?
-Hiya. You all right?
-You smell nice.
-Thank you. Yeah, I just had a quick shower.
Air conditioning's bust. It's like a sauna in that office.
You saved me a phone call. It should be nearly ready.
-The very man. You could quite possibly save my life.
Fuse box has gone. They can't get anybody out till five...
I can't, sorry. It's a legal thing. Qualified sparkies only.
-Ian, why don't you have the party over at the B&B, if you like?
-Well, I'd have to change my plans but...
-Oh, that is fantast...
-Oh, ye of little faith!
D'you know what, I never thought I'd say this - Mo Harris, you are a superstar. That's brill!
Where on earth did you get it?
Walford Town Football Club mothballed the mascot after he punched the ref.
Might not fit you, though.
-That didn't even touch the sides.
-Cos it was so good.
I hope you're in the mood for dessert.
Babe, I can't. Got an auction, ain't I? Plaistow, two o'clock.
-Well, the new regs are coming out in September,
the leasing company's flogging the old stock.
We never spend any time together any more. It's like I'm invisible.
-Things are going to calm down. I promise.
-I don't know, V. Soon.
Maybe we could go away. Warm up for the honeymoon.
What do you want me to do?
Take a couple of bunches off the money tree?
You were claiming you were Rockefeller this morning.
All right, Tan.
Yeah, I just wanted a quick word about Lauren.
Right, what's she been up to?
I don't know why she don't just move back in.
-Cut out the middle man.
Lauren's never going to respect you if you come running back to Max every five minutes.
D'you know what? We can do this later.
-So why did you go and say that?
I'm always last in the queue.
-You wonder why with a gob like that.
You realise you're a traitor to the sisterhood.
Oh, will you give him a break?
It's hard being a single parent.
Yeah, and who's fault is that?
Jane was a friend of yours, in case you forgot.
And Jane will understand.
I just want Bobby to have a really lovely birthday.
I've always had a soft spot for him.
Um... Where shall I put these?
You want me to answer that?
Give 'em here.
Ta. Go careful.
What is this?
Well, I thought they could play pass-the-parcel.
How are they supposed to get into that? Blowtorch?
Jane was so good at this stuff.
Oh, darling, look, I'm sure I've got some Christmas stuff upstairs.
-I don't know how to thank you for all this.
-Well, you can just buy us lunch in the Vic sometime.
Preferably when Jean's not around.
I think I can stretch to that.
-I don't think so. No, cancer's not on my list of things to do.
-All right! All right.
Rainie, what have I said to you about smoking in the house?
Look at the state of it. Abi. Abi, what do you think you're wearing?
-Oh, right, so you notice me now.
-Is that my top?
I would've asked, it's just that you're never around.
Jay might like it, but I'm not happy with you going out dressed like some tart.
All right, leave off her.
-Don't you speak to me like that.
-Or what exactly?
Just give 'em a break, will ya? They're sensible girls.
-Abi's careful, ain't you?
-What do you mean "careful"?
We didn't do anything, all right?
Jay and I broke up. The packet's not even opened. You can check if you like.
-Right, so you knew my daughter was buying condoms and you never told me?
-She didn't buy them!
I weren't happy about it. Course I weren't. But she needs to be safe.
So you're giving my daughter sexual advice now, are you?
-It's not like you're around for them.
What with your business and Greg and all that. These two need you, Tan.
All right, I know I'm not perfect, Rai, but I try.
I try really hard. I'm a mum.
I'm a wife. I run a business. A very successful business, actually.
What have you ever achieved, eh?
-Nothing. Nothing. Cos you're weak. You're weak, Rainie.
You will never amount to anything.
I'm just trying to help.
You're nothing but a sponge, Rainie.
You're a leech. Maybe they should give you a certificate for that.
Oi, you! I saw you.
You hit jackpot with that dealer the other night.
You want a freebie, is that it?
I mean it. Clear off.
What happened to the auction? Did she cancel?
-Who are HVB Property Services?
It's none of your business. It's my account.
-It's not yours.
-No wonder we can't afford a holiday
-when you've got some dolly bird shacked up.
-I ain't even going to grace that with an answer.
-What am I supposed to think? You haven't touched me in weeks.
-Oh-oh. Domestic alert.
-Is everything all right?
-No, not really.
Your mum thinks I'm having an affair.
-Well, how else do you explain the rent?
-Cos it ain't rent.
-Now I'm confused.
-Well, it wouldn't be the first time.
My mate Johnny owns the property company.
He's had to sell the family silver just to stay afloat.
What's that got to do with anything?
Who are you - Cagney and Lacey?
He sold me his motor. Reported it nicked
-so he could claim on the insurance.
-So you're dealing in bent cars now.
It's a one-off.
All I'm doing is sticking the payments through his books
so his insurance company don't smell a rat.
All that for a friend?
Now, that's what I call loyalty.
Well, you know... you try telling her that.
Here you are.
-Your sister seems to be thawing out a bit.
-Oh, ignore her.
She don't like big surprises.
Quite partial to surprises.
Always keen to try new experiences.
Come on, then. Listen up! Listen up! Who's for musical chairs?
If it was up to me, I'd just kick her out.
It's about time Rainie stood on her own two feet.
That doesn't change the fact that she's right, does it?
Babe, she's just pushing your buttons.
She's a wind-up merchant, ain't she?
I should go.
You know, Vanessa's at the salon with Jodie.
She's going to be ages.
We got the whole place to ourselves.
I can't, Max. I can't do this any more.
What do you mean you can't? What are you saying?
It's just it's this lying.
Constantly. It's bad enough Greg and Vanessa.
-But these are our children.
-Yeah, and we're there for 'em. Always.
But Tan, the kids are going to grow up, aren't they? College. Husbands.
They're going to fly the nest. Gone.
And then what?
-I can't think about that right now.
Who do you want keeping you warm? Me or him?
Isn't this what you want for the rest of your days?
What are you doing? Get off!
Get off! Help! Help! Help! Help!
You all right, love? You all right?
Come on, can you get up?
# Happy birthday to you. #
Go on, then, make a wish.
I wish Mum was coming home.
Make another wish, mate.
-Come on Bobby, blow. Come on!
-Blow! Blow! That's it.
Poor kid. It's hard enough at our age.
You know what they say. Life's for the living. You just gotta know when to move on.
Yeah, but it's not that easy, is it?
Taking the plunge.
I will if you will.
You know, if you asked me a year ago if I'd be where I am now,
then you could've knocked me down with a feather.
Exactly. Sometimes you just can't see what's
in front of your face, can you?
-What are you doing?
-Well... I thought...
No. No! Time to go home everybody. Come on, go and get your party bags.
In there. That's it. Come on! Time to go home!
Chop chop. Lovely.
Off you go.
It was fun. It's like old times, innit?
Our marital bed.
Yeah, I don't think much to the wallpaper, actually.
That's because you've always had impeccable taste.
Go on, then.
Well, I'm with Jack, why?
All right, well, stay there. I'll be right over.
-There you are, darling.
Are you all right? What happened?
-Some lowlife stole her handbag.
-Can I please just go home now?
No, no. You're not going anywhere till this is fixed.
Last of the big spenders, eh?
Just don't tell the tax man.
Or the council.
I ain't paid a penny in rent on that lock-up since day one.
What happened, babe? Are you all right?
-OK? I'll take over now, cheers, mate.
-All right, thanks.
-It's a pleasure.
Are you all right?
I called you five times.
My phone, it was on silent.
Jack, he'd been to see Ronnie. He wanted to off-load.
It don't matter.
All that matters is you.
Come on, let's go home.
And I was told this was a nice neighbourhood.
-Not met Mad Dog, then?
-Dodgy, is he?
Mo's hardly the greatest referee.
Anyone who squats in a lock-up, you know, is not exactly Mother Teresa.
Is that right?
One phone call to the council and he'd be out, I expect.
And you're telling me this because...?
Just making conversation. I don't know why you're smiling at me for.
You're still in the doghouse as far as I'm concerned.
All I did was lend Liam a friendly ear. Is that a crime?
-I just want an apology.
How's your head?
I should thank him.
Knocked some sense into me.
Sorry for doubting you.
All matters is that you're OK.
Do you fancy an early night?
Your the one that's supposed to have a headache, aren't you?
I'll run you a bath.
What? What do you want?
-Do I have to spell it out to you?
Hurry up, bath's getting cold.
Do you want a cup of tea?
V, do you want a cup of tea?
We need to talk.
Why do you think?
You better come through.
What's happened to your face?
Oh, I got mugged. But it's fine.
Listen. Given the choice, you're probably the last person I'd come to talk to about this,
but I know you've been through it too.
Max is cheating on me.
Found this in the lounge.
It's not my colour. Or Jodie's.
-There it is!
-What, it's yours?
Yes! Yeah. Well, it WAS mine till Lauren pinched it.
Honestly, I have to nail things down in this house.
You've obviously got the wrong end of the stick.
-You sound like Max.
Did he do that to you?
Make you feel like you're going mad?
It's not me, is it?
Please tell me it's not just me.
Maybe... Maybe sometimes.
I swore I wouldn't do this.
Vanessa, listen to me. He's not cheating on you.
-You sound so sure.
-The bloke's been asking me about ideas for the wedding.
Talk about insensitive.
Yeah, if he'd have put as much effort into our marriage
as he has into thinking about your big day,
then we wouldn't be stood here now.
I'm so sorry.
Once bitten, and all that.
Yeah, I know.
You got nothing to worry about.
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