06/02/2012 EastEnders

-Morning, boys.

-Morning.

-Here we are.

There you go.

I don't like this cereal.

Look, it's exactly the same, it's just not in the packet.

Erm, Ben, listen. There's something I want to ask you.

Well, it's actually a favour, really, for me.

Be my best man.

-Me?

-I'll do it!

I'd really, really like you to do it. What do you say?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah? All right, that's settled, then.

Well, I'd better be off.

-You got everything you need?

-I think so. I'll catch you later.

-Have a good day.

-Bye, babe.

-See you later.

-He seems to be coping.

-What?

-Ben - he seems OK.

-Like she'd notice.

Babe, come here. You've got...

What?

You've got a little something... Oh, you're so cute.

-Am I?

-You know you are!

Come on. That one and you've finished. Good girl.

-You've got it all over your face.

-Morning, Jack.

-Mind if I join you?

-Please yourself.

I'm fine.

Thanks for asking. I'm holding up. Trying to stay strong

after your brother used me as a punch bag.

Yeah, well, that's got nothing to do with me, has it?

No, no. Who needs friends, eh?

That is ripe, coming from you.

Bury your head in the sand, Jack. Like an ostrich.

What do you want me to say, Michael? Derek gave you a beating.

I don't believe for a minute it was cos you took one for your brothers, cos I know you, Michael.

You never put anyone before yourself.

You're only out to get what you can and if it suited you, you'd be the first to walk away from anyone.

So, don't give me that rubbish about your family.

Now, you screwed Derek over. I mean, what were you thinking?

In my book, you got off lightly.

Lightly? Lightly? Have you seen what he's done to me? Lightly?

I'm disappointed in you, Jack. I didn't realise you were so in his shadow. You have my sympathies.

Just take your punishment, all right? And keep your head down.

Cos you don't want to upset Derek any more than you have.

Cheers.

I've heard of brides starving themselves before the wedding,

-but never the bridegroom.

-It'll be in the other drawer.

Like everything else in this house, nothing is where it's meant to be!

There's loads of teaspoons.

There is not loads of teaspoons. There are 11.

There should be 12. There are 12 in an apostle set.

And Jesus, of course, but my Nick dropped him down the drain when he was little

to prove he couldn't walk on water.

I should have kept them for best. I knew I shouldn't have used them for everyday.

I'm in training.

Know what they say - breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince

and dinner like a pauper.

If you're just having that for breakfast,

you'll be dining on dust.

-Take it away, Ma, will you?

-We won't tell, will we?

-My silence can be bought.

Large Chardonnay will do it for me.

Leave it, Dot, it'll turn up.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

But not with paying guests. Then, chaos reigns.

Go on, love. Have a bit of sausage.

I'm in training. I want to get fit.

You ARE fit. It's falling off you.

Come on, now. Here comes the plane! Here comes the plane! Here it comes!

Leave it, Mum, will you?

I'm not a kid.

-You don't mind looking after her?

-I wouldn't have offered if I minded.

-I don't know how long I'll be.

-Hours. My mate went down the passport office once.

She forgot her birth certificate and they sent her back.

Yeah, well, I've got Amy's birth certificate.

I just hope nothing goes wrong.

Why would it? You're her dad, you're applying for a passport.

Yeah. You're sure you don't mind?

Oh, just go! Go, go, go.

-See you later.

-See you later.

Oh, just leave it, all right?

It's Roxy's custody battle, not yours.

Can you imagine Jack's face when the courts take Amy from him?

Because I'd quite like to see that.

You lost something?

Yes. I've lost my phone.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

You've still got me on speed dial?

Yeah. Just never got round to changing it.

You should have me on yours. If the Brannings come calling, you might need rescuing.

I don't need rescuing, OK? Me and Jack are being very civil to each other.

This is going to be over soon and my daughter will be back where she belongs.

And you think the Brannings are going to agree to that?

I applaud your naivety, Rox.

Is it safe to come in? I need the loo but I was worried the designer was here.

-What designer?

-For Mandy's wedding dress. She's got a fitting.

-Is it cos you're putting on weight?

-No, it's cos it'll look perfect.

I want it to look special. Cos the amount it's costing, it's got to look special.

-Is it any wonder everyone thinks I'm after your money?

-You're not at all, are you, Mandy?

-I just want you to look like a princess.

-Yeah, well, I'm not a princess, Ian.

Yeah, well, you're my princess, OK? I need the loo.

What?

Nothing.

You just keep up the perfect housewife act and kid yourself

that you don't want Dad spending money on you.

You dad's money or your inheritance?

I saw that. Starving my Andrew while you're stuffing your face.

-It's just a boiled sweet. Look!

-I know your game.

You may look gormless and harmless, but I've got your number, darling.

What are you two still doing here? I am not going to pay you overtime.

Why don't you like me?

Why should I? Unmarried mother the wrong side of 40,

no money, no hope for the future and throwing yourself at the first man

that gives you a second glance.

No, that's not true. I love Andrew, I really do.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Course you do. He's a meal ticket, isn't he?

You can put your feet up for the next 40 years

and let him do all the work.

Andrew's always been a sucker for a lost cause.

When he was a kid, he brought home a right scruffy stray dog.

Great lump, she was - matted fur and a dodgy eye.

Just goes to show how kind-hearted he is.

Week later, we all had fleas and she took a bite out of his ankle.

When I look at you, Heather,

all I can see is that manky stray.

You're not looking so tired. Good.

Looking tired is the least of my worries.

-When do you have your scan?

-I'm still waiting to hear.

You'll pull through, you'll see. We're strong stock.

My granny Allingham lived to be 103. That was something in those days.

Don't think I'd want to live that long.

Not too bad, if you've still got your marbles.

Mind, you stand a chance of seeing your kids die first

which is a horrible thing.

I'm only glad that's not going to happen to me.

How long have you had your hair like that?

You're like a builder.

-What?

-You go around working on other people's houses

and let your own fall into disrepair.

So, you're saying I look a right state, yeah?

Yeah, that is what I'm saying. You do look a bit neglected.

Thanks, Mum. You always did know how to make me feel better.

I know what it's like, darling.

One minute, you've got it, then, you haven't

and you've no idea where it's gone.

I used to be able to walk down the street and stop traffic.

Now, I couldn't even stop a milk float.

Don't be daft.

You've got to think beyond the cancer, Tanya.

Look to the future. You've still got your looks - make the most of them.

We all know what Max is like.

He don't need no excuse to stray.

-Was she any bother?

-No.

We read a book, played a game, talked about people on telly.

She has really got her head screwed on. We have got the same views on everyone.

I promised to take her to the playground.

-I'll take her later.

-How did you get on at the passport office?

Not great.

You did take her birth certificate, though?

It's a bit more complicated. They wanted Roxy's signature on the form.

-Just forge it.

-Yeah, well, I can't do it there and then, can I?

I've got her signature somewhere. I'll find it and copy it.

So does that mean I can have Amy tomorrow?

No, look. I'll post it. It'll be a lot less risky that way.

The court case is this week.

Roxy'll just take her on a plane in no time.

Yeah, all right. I'm on it, all right?

-How are you coping now?

-Yeah, fine. Yeah, I'm fine.

-How do you manage to stay so cheerful?

-Ain't got a choice, have I?

What do you want me to do - walk about miserable all the time?

You know what? Don't tell Lauren or Abi this, but you, Bianca,

are my favourite niece.

That Ricky Butcher's an idiot.

-Mandy.

-You all right? What do you think?

-It's very nice. It's...

-Expensive.

Oh, would you look at the fabric?

You know, I never thought I'd wear something so beautiful.

It looks like you were born to it.

You know, I was kidding myself that I didn't care about the dress,

but, now...

THEY LAUGH

-Have a chip, love.

-I said no. I want to get fit for the wedding.

Then, take more time. I don't know why you're rushing this wedding.

Is everything all right?

We're not rushing, we just don't want to waste time.

-We love each other and we want to be together.

-Well, you don't have to get married.

-But we want to.

-Everyone's living in sin these days.

If Will and Kate were ordinary people, there would never have been that balcony kiss.

We have to get married.

-She's not pregnant, is she?

-No, I'm not.

Oh, thank heavens for that!

We have to get married because we want to do things proper.

And I tell you something, I'd be over the moon if she was pregnant.

-Would you?

-Just cos you don't want to be called Granny,

don't mean I don't want to be called Daddy! Come on, Hev.

Let's find somewhere else to eat.

Give us a kiss. Mwah! You're lovely.

-Very lovely.

-Happy families?

-Ain't you supposed to be at the gym?

-Yeah, it's not the same without you.

-I get separation anxiety.

-You want to get used to it

-cos Amy's the priority now, ain't you?

-As it should be, mate.

Surprised you haven't asked me to buy you out.

Hardly a good example for the court. Works in a gym, violence,

might have anger management issues.

The only reason I'd want out of that gym

is so I could get away from you.

CHILD CRIES

Excuse me!

Daddy!

-You all right, darling? What have you done?

-She all right?

Have you hurt your arm?

Let's get home.

Put you in a nice hot bath, eh? Get some sweeties.

TAILOR: White wild roses would go really nice with this.

Oh, and ivy for the photos.

Here you go. You wanted one sugar, didn't you?

Yes, thanks.

Ow!

-Where did it go?

-What?!

-The mouse! It's over there!

-What mouse?

What have you done?

She went flying.

Yeah, it was awful, actually, to watch.

Yeah. He's not rung you, no? To tell you?

Fancy that. Typical Branning. Typical.

Rox?

Why are you looking so pleased with yourself?

Smile and the whole world smiles with you.

DOOR BELL BUZZES

DOOR BELL BUZZES

DOOR BELL BUZZES FRANTICALLY

Where is she? Where is she?

Amy? Amy! Darling, it's all right. Mummy's here.

It's all right. It's OK. Shhh.

You all right? You OK, yeah? Why didn't you phone me?

-I'm lost.

-Michael told me about the accident.

-Oh, yeah, course he did.

-Which is what you should have done!

What, and had you worried? I was worried for the pair of us, all right? She's fine.

-She had a fall. These things happen.

-Oh, yeah, not when you're looking after her.

Clearly, nothing I'm going to say will make you feel better about this.

If you want to blame someone,

you blame Michael for distracting me in the first place!

-She seems fine, anyway.

-That's cos she is.

-Do you want to get in here?

-For what?

-Just get in here, will you?

You make Daddy a pizza, yeah?

-Nasty? Me?

-I suppose I better go and collect George.

Hold on. This'll only take a minute. It's got to be sorted out.

Rose, Heather has something to say and for once in your life, keep a civil tongue and listen.

-My tongue is always civil!

-Come on, Ma.

So, I'm in the wrong for thinking

you're perfectly fine the way you are?

-You're always down the gym. You're perfectly fit.

-I'm not.

But that's not the issue and you know it.

-Come on, then. What is the issue?

-The issue is the way you treat Heather. It is not right.

-I treat her like anyone else.

-No, you don't.

What was that you said, dear? I couldn't hear you.

-Go on, Hev. Tell her.

-I know what you're trying to do, Mrs Cotton.

-I'm not trying to do anything.

-She ain't a Cotton.

-You're trying to bully me.

Oh, you've found your voice now?

I'm used to bullies. I've known bullies all my life

and all my life, I've let them win and I've backed down.

That's because I've never had anything worth fighting for before.

But now, I've got Andrew and I don't care what you think about me, I ain't going nowhere.

Well done. Hear, hear!

-Got that, Ma?

-I don't know why you're turning on me.

I'm only trying to do the best for you.

What's wrong with a long engagement? Really get to know each other.

Be sure of what you want.

-We are sure.

-It's going to be a thrown-together affair.

No, it's not. It's going to be wedding of the year.

Heather will look lovely in her finery,

Andrew'll look dashing, George'll be in knickerbockers

and Jim knows a friend who's got a horse-drawn carriage

and we'll strew it with flowers

and I'm sure the vicar will do you a beautiful service.

-Sounds lovely!

-Yeah, will you help us organise it, Auntie Dot?

What, me? Oh, I don't think it's my place.

Oh, please. It would mean everything to me, Mrs Branning.

Oh, well, I'd be honoured. Have you thought about numbers?

Cos the community centre's the perfect place for a reception.

60, I think it holds for a sit-down.

Then, we've got to think about the food. Chicken, ham, beef, fish?

Do you think I'd let anything happen to her on purpose?

Well, do you?

-No.

-Cos she's all I've got.

-She's all I've got!

-Yeah, well, who's fault's that?

-Jack, I was just worried, OK?

-I was worried, like you'd have been.

-Yeah, well, I love that little girl, all right?

I love her more than you'll ever know cos you only ever see things from your view.

Everything's one big flaming drama. You know what?

I'm not going to let you use Amy to score points.

I am not scoring points! I'm not!

It's all you ever do! You're a joke, you know that?

All this concern about Amy and when you had her, you acted like she didn't even exist!

-You don't know anything about it.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

I know enough, all right? And so do the courts.

Cos you were an unfit mum!

How can you say that to me? I love her, Jack.

-You're only ever interested in a good time, ain't you?

-Yeah?

We'll see who's having a good time when I get custody of her, shall we?

No-one in their right mind would give you custody of a gerbil.

You're not taking her away from me, Jack. You're not!

You cannot have her. I'm her mummy.

She needs me more than she needs you.

And you've got kids all over the place and without her, I am nothing!

I'm nothing!

Oh, that's it, go on. Start with the water works.

-Oh, shut up!

-Do you know what? You should go.

Jack? Jack!

Just go.

Is this what you wanted, huh? Is it?!

Amy left this at mine.

Amy needs her mother.

You all right, Roxy?

-What's she doing here?

-We're just chatting.

Oh, chatting? Happy families. You posted that passport form yet?

I've filled it all out, I've just got to post it.

I'll put it in the post. Least you'll know it's done then.

-She's up to something.

-No, she's not.

-She's a Mitchell, ain't she?

-She's upset. You saw.

Do you know nothing about women? We'll do anything to get what we want.

No, you're wrong. She's upset about Amy. She's terrified she might lose her.

That's why she'll stop at nothing to get her back.

You're a mug if you trust her one inch. I'm telling you, you'll regret it.

Give me that. See you later.

-A mouse?

-Not very original, I know.

But you should have seen the coffee splattering all over the dress.

It was epic.

She's not stupid. She probably knows it was you.

I don't care. She can't prove it.

And if she makes a big thing, she'll look bad in front of my dad, so win-win.

Is that all you're bothered about? Winning?

-And what about Ian?

-What about him?

He really likes her and he wants to be with her

and you're doing everything you can to split them up.

Don't you want him to be happy?

He'd be happier with someone else.

You've got no idea, have you? Look, you have got an amazing dad

who'd do absolutely anything for you

and whatever she is, Mandy is no psycho.

You've got no idea how good you've got it.

I've poured you some wine. I thought you might need it.

-What you saying? I need alcohol, do I?

-I didn't mean...

I can't do right for doing wrong, can I?

Thank you.

Oh! You made me a pizza?

I just can't bear the fact that some stranger's going to get to decide what's best for her.

Yeah.

We were doing all right, weren't we?

You and me? Working it out.

I wish I could just turn back the clock, you know.

We can't, though, can we?

No. We could call it off.

-Go back to how things were.

-We can't, it's too late for that.

-Besides, we need to get things sorted, don't we?

-Yeah.

Yeah, I suppose.

Listen, I'm sorry for making you cry.

No, it's not your fault. It's not. You know, I'm a...

I'm an emotional wreck these days, anyway.

Jack, I'm just so lost without her.

You know, I sit at Phil's and I torture myself.

I look at pictures of her and...

So stupid, I sing her favourite songs to myself.

-I'm off again.

-Shh. Come on.

Oh, Jack, I just...

I can't bear being apart from her, I really can't.

-Go and see Mummy.

-Come on, give me a hug.

THEY LAUGH

I've told you, I've got some mending to do.

It'll keep, Auntie Dot. One glass of sherry's not going to hold you up.

We just want to say thank you for all your great ideas.

Well, I suppose it'd be ever so rude of me

to refuse the offer of a sweet sherry.

-Me, too.

-No-one offered you one, Ma.

Own the pub now, do you? Don't worry, I'll get my own.

Don't be stupid, I'll get you one.

Then, I've got to feel grateful to my own son putting his hand in his pocket?

The son I fed and clothed. I'd rather die of thirst.

Sounds like I'm missing out on something. Come on, you lot. Park yourselves over here.

Here, Rose. You pushed yourself out.

I was just concerned about my son.

-No, you weren't.

-You weren't there.

-Didn't have to be.

You don't like the idea of your son moving on, leaving you by yourself.

We've all been there.

Give them everything you've got,

they throw it back in your face and disappear

and you're left with your memories.

Heather's a good girl.

Her heart's in the right place.

Andrew could do a lot worse than her, Rose.

I suppose they haven't exactly been queuing round the block.

-You want him to be happy, don't you?

-Course I do.

Oh, look at them.

They're made for each other.

You're just jealous, Rose. Just like the rest of us.

Cos they've got it all ahead of them.

All right. Well, that's one happy camper.

SHE SIGHS

OK, erm...

-Thank you for everything but...

-You ain't finished your drink.

-I'd better go.

-No, go on.

-I know, but if I finish it, I'll want another one.

-There's plenty in the bottle.

Come on. Look, you'll be keeping me company.

Amy's tucked up, Derek's on business in Doncaster.

Really?

Yeah, all right, yeah. Fine.

Cheers.

SHE LAUGHS

This is...

-It's weird.

-No.

No, I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say this is nice. This is nice.

Yeah, it is nice.

Lucy, can we have a little word about that mouse?

-What would you like to know?

-Have you just seen it the once?

-Yeah, it ran behind the sofa.

-Let's hope it's not living in the sofa.

-If it actually exists.

-I know a mouse when I see one.

-And I know a rat when I smell one.

Don't worry about the dress. I'll get you a nicer one.

I don't want another one. This has cost enough already.

-I'll pay for the old one.

-You have to pay for this one, too.

-That one's covered in coffee.

-It still needs paying for!

It'll probably end up in a charity shop like the other one.

Ian, just so you know, I'm organising Heather's wedding.

-Nice.

-Invitations will be going out in the near future,

but keep the 22nd free.

I mean, call me traditional if you like,

but it seems odd to have a wedding on a Thursday,

but Heather's keen on the idea, ain't you?

-Who was it that suggested it to you?

-It was Lucy.

-Oh, Lucy!

-Lucy suggested it.

-Wait, hold on. The 22nd?

Thursday, as in March?

A spring wedding. The daffodils'll be out.

You told her to have her wedding the same day as mine and your dad's?

So, that's why the date was in my head.

-You're not content ruining my dress, you want to ruin my day, as well?

-God, Mandy, you're so paranoid.

Come here!

SCREAMING AND SMASHING

Get off!

I will kill you!

Do you hear me?! I will kill you, Lucy.

Wait till I get hold of you. I'm going to kill you!

-Mandy!

-Get off me!

-Calm down!

-Don't start with me!

-Calm down!

-I'm calm.

You calm?

You know what?

Seriously, seriously, you are great with Amy, you are.

It just... I don't know. It must be weird for her.

One minute, she's with me, the next, she's with you, that's all.

-As long as she's getting looked after, that's all.

-Yeah, I know.

Still, it's just weird.

-Is this where I get the blackmail?

-No, no. It isn't. I'm just saying.

We've all had different childhoods, ain't we?

Yeah, and we're messed up.

SHE LAUGHS

-What?

-Oh, I don't know.

You know, I'm just thinking, right, we have a little girl together

and we've never just sat and done this, have we?

Never just sat and had a drink and chilled together.

From what I remember, we've never had time for any of that, have we?

No. I'm not complaining. I'm not.

I've made worse decisions when it come to men, haven't I? Michael.

Yeah, well, biggest mistake in the world, he is.

Jack, I mean it.

You're a good man.

You're a caring man.

And I couldn't have asked for a better dad for Amy, I couldn't.

Roxy, you're a good mum, ain't you?

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