16/02/2012 EastEnders

Who knows when Tiff's school uniform was last washed!

Yeah, but shouldn't you be washing your French fancies?

Ooh-la-la!

Mwah! Ooh-la-la!

Ant.

Anthony.

I am so jealous. Who's going to cover for me while you're away?

If I slip up again? Imagine, right, imagine me

coming down at Lucy's facing Sir Ian of Beale in his dressing gown!

It's got to be better than actually hanging round with Lucy Beale, isn't it?

-She's all right, you know.

-That's probably what they said about Rose West.

Whitney!

Hey! Nice jumper, Whit.

Top night, eh?

Apart from Tyler trying it on with me.

He's a sleaze bag, eh?

You know, you two made a lucky escape. Well, all three of us.

Well, I'd love to stand around and gossip all day, but...

I'll see you later.

Yes, love?

So sorry, Andrew. I hope you managed to get George into nursery OK.

Give me a call back, please, yeah?

It was a classic night, maid of honour.

When I get married, it won't change anything between you and me.

-You'd better get back to him indoors.

-Yeah.

See you.

-I was drunk.

-Oh, shove your excuses.

-Look, Amira ain't my type.

I'm not Amira's type. But she saw something in me and you had to go and ruin it.

She was just there, mate. I don't know what I was doing.

-You know what it is? Cos you can't have Whitney you thought you'd have a bit of mine.

-No!

-Don't want me to be happy. Never have, have you?

-Whoa, whoa, girls, girls!

-Lost your knickers?

-Let's forget about this.

Just forget about it? Like I had to forget about Jodie?

-He tried it on with Amira.

-And this surprises you?

It's hardly worth falling out over. You've only been seeing her a half hour.

-I'm sorry.

-You're sorry? You know, it's Fatboy I feel sorry for.

-It's only a matter of time before you start dumping on him.

-I wouldn't.

-No?

Michael, make him disappear.

Come on, let's go down the gym.

-Let's work it all out there.

-I want to go for a run first.

Yeah, maybe in front of a bus.

Andrew?

-Cheese fondue.

-Messy.

-All right, chocolate fountain.

-Urgh, sickly.

-Oh, Andrew, hello. Where's Heather?

-If you find out, let me know.

Oh, I knew it. Cold feet.

Nonsense. Andrew,

your mother's bought a suit for George for the wedding without consulting Heather.

I got it from the charity shop.

If there's money left over, put it behind the bar,

-give the guests a good knees-up.

-It's a wedding,

not an Highland fling. Anyway, a week ago, you couldn't give two hoots.

Yeah, well, it took me a while to warm to Heather,

-but now...

-You're lucky to have her as a daughter-in-law

because Heather has got a heart two sizes too big.

She puts everyone before herself.

Unless she's getting dragged away by Burley Carter.

Who?

Thank you for looking after George.

Did I have a choice?

Erm, you know, on the way here, I realised the date.

A year ago, I was nearly dead.

There were fumes from this dodgy boiler

in my lonely, grotty old bedsit.

This morning, I realised just what I've got.

A best friend who would do anything for me,

two generous ladies who are just like mums,

who are doing everything, you know, to make our big day perfect...

..a gorgeous, healthy little boy...

..and a big, strong man who makes me feel on top of the world...

..and I can't believe how far I've come.

Give me that.

Take that off.

Perfect fit.

We are, aren't we?

-I love you.

-I love you, too.

Chef's phoned in sick. So, there's no chickens or jerks in here today.

Treating yourself?

-I'm taking a break, Patrick. From sobriety.

-Again?

Maybe we could get our heads together, you know,

before Heather's wedding?

-I could do with some advice about giving her away.

-Yeah, yeah.

Here you go, Paddy, strong and black.

-Just like my favourite bar man.

-Thank you, brother.

Listen, I'm not in, OK? I'm not in.

Derek, fancy a drink?

Cos there's a really good pub about four postcodes away.

Well, any time you need a bit of company, Shirley.

I've heard the washed-up ones are always more grateful.

Is Alfie about?

Erm, the cash and carry.

Right.

Tell him I'll call back later.

Can't believe you're dragging me here.

-Me, too.

-You missed your last scan. It's important.

SHE GROANS IN PAIN

Are you OK?

-No, not really.

-What's the matter?

-What's wrong with Lola?

-It's a big pain. You two not talking.

-Lola!

-Well, come on, just stop being pathetic and call a truce, yeah?

Abi?

-The big mouth?

-Don't start on her.

For the baby's sake.

Look, Ben, come and see the baby with us, yeah?

Needs all the friends it can get round here. Please?

All right.

Fats, I ain't got time. I ain't even packed yet.

Well, you know, I thought we could get in the mood, mademoiselle.

You know, a little le vin rouge and le fromage, huh?

It's the morning.

-Exactement.

-You know I hate red wine.

Moi, aussi. But when in France, girl.

-I'll change it for a coffee, then.

-All right.

-I'll do that for you.

Paris, eh? Aren't you lucky?

-Yeah.

-I wouldn't be surprised if you came back with a ring on your finger.

-Hopefully not. Just a massive hangover.

-Really?

Mr Commitment over there sporting a gold embossed capital C!

You've struck gold, Whitney.

A best friend and a lover.

Phil and I have never been best friends.

You know, even when things are good between us,

we've never been friends. But then, who wants a man to tell you

that you've got nice shoes and wants to sit down and do

the Countdown Conundrum with you?

No, I need a man that bowls me over and you know, Phil still does it.

He still sets me on fire.

You know, if I were you, Whit,

I wouldn't leave that hotel room in Paris.

Hey up. Gang's all here. Going anywhere nice?

Her scan.

Oh, right.

I didn't want a fuss.

-Well, it should have be her 12 week scan, but she missed that, so...

-Yeah, I know.

I kept asking when your next appointment is.

Yeah, well, I'm going to hospital now, ain't I?

-Have my place, Bill, if you want.

-You can have mine and all, if you want.

-Thanks for keeping me informed.

-You've seen it. These lot ain't. I did think it'd be a laugh.

Oh, yeah, really funny keeping me out of the loop.

-Have I got "mug" tattooed on my forehead?

-No, "fuss". Fuss. All the time.

You're doing my head in.

Why is she worth you fighting and sleeping through Walford?

-What's so special about her?

-I should ask Janine the same question about you.

You need to move on, brother.

I can't. I can't. And it's driving me mental!

It's driving me mental seeing you like this.

Come on, you've got to tell her.

-I promised Fatboy I wouldn't go there.

-She was yours first, weren't she?

Paris, man.

It's pathetic.

Why would you want to go and sightsee

when you've got the most beautiful girl to look at?

The biggest, kindest eyes, man, and her smile...

Paris.

Bruv, let me tell you, if that was me,

we'd go to Great Auntie Moon's caravan in Wales.

Laying under a duvet for a week, listening to the rain outside.

I'd go to Paris, myself.

HE LAUGHS

-You've got to tell her.

-She knows, man.

Yeah, I bet she does, watching you pull anything that moves.

Most people just send flowers.

-I'm such an idiot.

-Mmm.

Tell her before she goes.

Delivery for Alfie Moon. No signature required.

OK. Right, and no questions required either. Right, Paddy?

Paris is just the start, sweetheart, all right.

When I'm big in the Balearics, I'll buy us a little villa - you in a two-piece sipping cocktails.

Then, David Guetta coming round for tips and that.

Yeah, well, I won't be going anywhere if I don't pack.

-See you later.

-All right, baby.

Whitney!

-Look. You're going on this holiday, right?

-Yeah.

You have a lovely time,

staring at old paintings and going up old towers.

Looking down your nose at me?

See, I suppose your idea of a holiday would be Vegas, probably.

Strippers, slot machines, different girl every night of the week.

No, look. I said I like you. Well, I don't, all right?

Cos that's what you say about a pair of jeans or your dinner.

And I have never felt this way before.

But if you don't think the same - fine.

Well, not fine, but it'll have to be.

And I promise I'll leave you alone.

-But if there is a chance...

-No, I don't feel the same.

Tyler, what are you doing? Put me down!

What are you doing?!

Are you sure you don't feel the same?

Fats should knock you out for that.

Shall I get you a plaster?

-For that wounded ego?

-What?

Last night. Look. I was just getting you back

for how you treated my mates in the past.

Someone had to make a stand.

Wow. A proper feminist.

So, what is this, another game?

I'm sorry you fell out with Anthony last night.

-What's that got to do with you?

-Well, I'm close to my brother. He's my twin.

When we fall out, I just know how much it hurts.

Drop by later and I'll throw in some free chips, yeah? No hard feelings?

It'll take a free fish, peas and curry sauce for that.

Well, as long as my dad doesn't find out. Mates?

Yeah.

I'm really glad you and Heather have made up. You know, calmed down.

Heather and George. You know, they keep me in check.

Good. Well, if there's anything you need me to help you with.

I'm not being funny, Andrew,

but, I mean, Dot hardly knows you.

She knows Heather, she knows what she likes.

And if Heather's happy, then so am I.

That's why you'll make a lovely husband.

It's his day, too.

And it's not your day. Cake?

No, thanks. The amount of birthdays you've ruined.

-I can't wait to see what you've got in store for when it matters.

-I've always made your birthdays fun.

-Yeah? Fifth birthday - house full of strangers from the pub.

-You DO surprise me(!)

Me eating cake off the floor where it'd been dropped.

You're not usually so fussed where your cake comes from.

You know, I'd been asking and asking for this red toy motorbike.

Saw it in the window every day.

Opened my present, it was a football.

It was leather.

-All boys like football.

-Anything I ever wanted, you never listened.

Auntie Dot, I don't suppose you could help me choose?

Oh, well, I'm no style expert,

but then, two heads are better than one.

Let's have a look. Oh, nice.

KEYS JANGLE

So, I've just seen Whitney.

Yeah?

Mmm.

She's at home. Right now.

Packing matching lingerie, bruv!

HE LAUGHS

Here. Erm, look, I found these.

Old man must've brought them back from Spain.

You have them.

Mate, there's like 50 euros here.

Just have a good time with Whitney, man.

Thanks, brother. Nice one.

You know what? Come here, come here. Thank you, bruv.

THEY LAUGH

This ain't the one where you can see whether it's got a winky or not.

This is just...

This is just to see how far gone, you know...

Check everything's all right.

I've got a little girl - Janet.

She, erm... She has Down's Syndrome.

I wouldn't change her for the world, but it's a worry, ain't it?

-I mean, at this stage, you know, you just want to hear a heartbeat.

-Pops, will you just listen?

BABY'S HEARTBEAT THUMPS

HE SNIFFS

You promised.

Sorry.

Bonjour, sweetheart. Ready to go? I guess you need a hand picking out something to wear.

I can't go.

What? Babe?

I've got coursework coming out my ears

and my boss had a go at me cos it's too short notice or something.

-Well, you know I can't put a foot wrong there again.

-This is why you need the break.

I've got too much on, Fats.

That's exactly why you need the break.

Yeah, well, I do want to go to Paris with you...

No, you don't.

Yes, I do.

But you'd prefer to write an essay or to be on time

-for that unpaid work you do at the playgroup?

-Kiss me.

What? Why?

Just do it.

Is this some type of test? Like, if I pass, you're coming away with me?

Is this something to do with Rob?

-Did he take you to Paris?

-No.

-Well, then, have I done something wrong?

Just kiss me, Fats.

I've tried, OK?

I've tried so hard. But every time I kiss you,

it's like, it's like...

It's like kissing my best mate.

My closest friend.

The closest friend, the guy that has pulled me through some of the worst times of my life

and made me feel so happy with myself again.

Yeah? Well, I wish I didn't.

-Cos then, you wouldn't have outgrown me.

-I haven't.

Then, why does this feel like you're dumping me?

I'm not. I love you to bits.

What, as a friend?

Yeah.

What, and that's it?

No.

Well, then, come away to Paris with me, man.

Fats, listen to me, I can't because I'd be cheating you and I'd be cheating me.

You're so lovely. You're so lovely but you're killing me with it.

-I'm only 19.

-Wait, wait. So, what, I have done something wrong, then?

This is me, yeah? So, what, did I treat you too nice or what?

Did I buy you too many gifts or pay you too many compliments?

-I mean, am I such a monster? I'd take a bullet for you!

-Fats...

..I want to be with Tyler.

What?

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. What did you say? What?

Wait, have you... Have you...

-Have you two been...?

-No, no.

-Has he come on to you?

-Listen to me. This is all me. This is all me.

-Yeah, listen, listen.

You are stamping on my heart. Don't treat me like an idiot.

You don't make my heart thump so hard it feels like my ribs will break every time you look at me, OK?

You know what? That's funny, cos...

..you've just described exactly how I feel about you.

SHE SOBS

Fats, I'm so sorry.

I am. I'm really sorry.

Can we still be friends, please?

You want to be friends after this? To make you feel better about the way you're treating me?

I don't expect you to...

..but you're the best thing I've ever had.

-You are.

-Second best, babe.

Second.

Have you told him?

Well, I can't guarantee that

I'm going to be able to pick up the pieces like normal, babe, all right?

So, so...

So, good luck.

DOOR CLOSES

SHE SOBS

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

-Will you take the morning off?

-Yeah, but I'll make it up.

You talking to Ben?

-Sort of.

-How's that come about?

-I don't know.

Give it a bit of time, then you can bend his ear.

Shirl...

..I don't want to.

What, you don't want Phil released?

You know I do. But Ben's the closest thing I've got to a brother. I don't want to mess it up.

-Even after what he's done.

-I don't want to sit here thinking that this is it.

Look, come on, Jay. You can help. Talk to Ben. Get him to retract.

-Like last time we turned the charm on? It made things worse.

-We can't give up.

You can make him see sense. I know that you can.

It's not that easy, is it?

Do you want me to make it easy for you?

I'm sorry, Shirl, but...

-Oh, I know, asthma.

-Just locked up for ten minutes.

-Wanted to double check we were OK?

-Course we are.

Laundrette ain't, Heather.

Sorry, Mrs Branning.

I thought we could have crispy noodles and snuggles on the sofa tonight?

Heather, I've been thinking about flowers.

What about pink and white peonies in the church?

The vicar says he can get them cheap. They stand for Spring and renewed hope.

Awww. Then, that's exactly what I want.

Between you and me, I ain't listening to anything my old ma says anymore.

You've got the edge, Auntie Dot. You're pure class.

DOORBELL RINGS

-Bye, Mrs Branning.

-Bye, Heather.

-All right?

-Shirl, look!

-Oh, yeah, nice.

Thought I'd take you to the cinema tonight - Thelma And Louise.

-It's her favourite film.

-She's got it on DVD.

It ain't the same, is it, as seeing it on the big screen?

-Two husband-hating lesbians?

-Oh, no, they're not lesbians.

ENGINE REVS OUTSIDE

-How about matching Harleys to take your wedding vows on, eh, son?

-Ma!

There we go.

-Want a test drive?

-Oh, Hev, look at it! It's a beast!

SHE REVS THE ENGINE

Alfie. Oi, oi, oi, oi.

It's water!

All right. Well, I reckon I could stretch to a couple of soft drinks.

-Yeah, if we don't have to talk about babies.

-I won't, I promise.

Now, is it me

or is it really hot in here?

SHE LAUGHS

What? T-shirt, isn't it?

Branning alert.

What? Oh.

-Hola.

-Hey, Del.

-Derek.

-Listen, Derek, I've been all over my contacts, like pigeons on chips.

-But...

-You've had your first consignment, Alf. I know.

Yes, but my main contact, Marcio, right?

-Well, he's had a bit of bad news. You see, his bar burnt down.

-What, insurance job?

-I don't know. He's got the heat on him at the moment.

-Heat!

Yeah. Anyway, if you leave it with me, it'll be fine.

Oi, things are rolling now.

Nothing can stop it.

No, and I don't want to, either. Trust me.

You ain't cooling off, are you?

What? No. Course not. That would be stupid, wouldn't it?

Yeah, and stupid you ain't. That's why I've invested heavily in you.

No turning back now, Alf.

GIGGLING

Tyler?

Tyler?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd