31/08/2012 EastEnders

Kat, grab them footie shirts -

we've got a match to get to, come on.

See you later, darling.

Ant, you numpty. When you get this, ring me straight back, will you?

Ronaldo, here he is, eh? What time to do call this?

Let's get on the bus, get this show on the road.

-Like the boots, Maxy.

-Yeah.

If you can't tackle your opposition you can always blind them(!)

-You wait, I'm going to score in these.

-Yeah, mate, you should be so lucky.

Is this really all the team I've got? Michael, you fancy a game?

No, I like watching thanks.

Janine given you a day pass, has she?

We're not putting out a full team?

-This is a joke.

-Yeah, no. Shut up.

Derek, do us a favour, could you, mate?

Give your Alice a call, find out if she knows where Ant's at.

I watch you muppets play football to get away from family grief.

Hold on, you're coming? It's just the bus is a bit cramped, mate.

Shut up, you tart. You've only got half a team.

Woah, Kat darling, where you going?

I thought I'd come along and watch like last time, team mascot.

HORN BLARES

Listen, it's just Jean's with Tommy

and we can't leave Shirley on her own behind the bar, can we?

All right, fine. If you don't want me there...

Of course, I want you there. It's just I need you to hold the fort, don't I?

Come on, one for luck, yeah?

Lovely. Fellas, come on, we're late. Let's go.

Come on, Mrs Moon. One for luck, like he said.

What is this? Snow White and the Seven Idiots?

It's lucky, innit?

Get on the bus!

All right, Grumpy.

"Grumpy"! Get on the bus. Here comes Dopey, by the way.

-Right, Fats, come on. Get a move on.

-Sorry I'm late.

See you later, sweetheart.

CHEERING

I thought you were going with them.

Spend the day with your man?

Kat, the cheerleader, gets her pompoms out for the lads.

SHE LAUGHS We've got punters waiting.

DOORBELL

AJ, let me explain. I thought it would be a good idea

if the two of you had a chance to talk and sort things out.

HE SIGHS

You had no right to interfere.

Don't worry she's not interfering,

I needed to know where you were anyway,

so I could dump your stuff.

What?! I don't understand. AJ! AJ!

Let him go, it's what he does, runs away.

And before you start bad mouthing me again...

Listen, I was the one who called you to try and sort things out...

I have, and thanks to you, I've got twice as much wardrobe space.

What is wrong with you, huh? Why are you being like this?

Does your marriage mean nothing to you?

After all, you're the one that had the affair.

MUSIC: "When a Man Loves a Woman" by Percy Sledge

Don't get too excited.

If that's from Alfie, it probably cost a fiver

and stinks of old people.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Here.

Mm! It's not bad.

So what's he going to do next?

Sprinkle petals on the floor and light you a candle?

Do they really think we believe in all that pants?

Oh, blimey, you do, don't you

Aww, Alfie loves Kat, Kat loves Alfie.

Do I look like some dopey teenager?

I love you. It's just words.

Presents, just gestures. It don't mean nothing.

And if you believe in all that, then you deserve exactly what you get.

So if you're not too loved-up,

I need a hand in there.

Maybe I should give it a week. Look round the school when the kids go back.

-Check it out properly.

-Actually, there's somebody I want you to meet.

Her son's starting at school the same time.

-Really?

-Yeah.

He's a little younger than Dennis,

but he's a nice kid and she's not bad, too. She'll be all right.

Once you've spoken to her and everything.

Oh, come on, Sharon.

It'll be a mate for Dennis and it'll be a friend for you,

if you're going to be staying. Mums at the school gate, and all that.

I'm not sure, Ian.

Ah, it's too late anyway.

Tanya, this is Sharon. Sharon, this is Tanya.

Play date, yeah - kids?

How many was it? Four.

MUSIC: "It Must Be Love" by Madness

-To Fridays!

-Fridays!

What you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing? I'm working.

What can I get you? A large vodka?

Scotch?

Ain't going to solve anything. Now, just come home, Shirl,

we can sort this.

You know, seriously, Phil. You should have a drink.

It's good for you. You know, it loosens you up.

What do you say, for old time's sake?

I just want to talk about it.

Trust me, Phil. Honestly.

It puts an end to all your worries.

All the nasty stuff.

Phht! Gone.

Yes, Alfie, I said I will tell her...

Tell me what?

I don't know. Something's kicked off and there's been a fight.

A fight?! Between who? What was it about? Did he say?

I don't know. I just took the message.

Something's kicked off and now they're on their way back.

Right, then.

What games do you think Dennis would like to play first, eh?

Soldiers?

Denny doesn't do fighting.

All right, well maybe you could show "Denny" the TV thingy?

What games you've got on there, maybe.

Just not the fighting ones.

-In you go.

-Go on, baby.

Cup of tea?

I take it you rent this place?

Yeah, yeah, we do.

When I was here the other day, I was thinking then,

it's funny seeing someone else's stuff in here.

I had it quite different when I lived here.

It was... well, more homely, I guess.

Well done, Derek(!) Why would you do that, eh?

-Shirley said something about a fight.

-You don't want to know.

Look, the geezer was an idiot, right?

I heard him on the touchline, Kat.

He kept shouting out, "Kill him, go on, kill him!"

"Kalim" was his mate's name. He was shouting, "Kalim, go on, Kalim!".

-Oh. Really?

-Yeah, really.

Ah well, he was still an idiot, though, weren't he?

-He wasn't that bad.

-He was that bad!

At least Derek showed some commitment.

More than some of us.

Oh, look, mate. I had a bad day, all right?

You can say that again.

Lads, come on. Look, take it inside, all right?

First beer's on me Pies, and all. Come on. Let's go.

So the fight was just about football?

I take it you didn't win then?

No, we didn't win. We didn't even get to finish the match.

Nightmare. Not to worry, another day, eh? Another day.

So Oscar's going into reception?

Yeah, yeah. Dennis is starting year one, is he?

Year two.

Oh, right. (He's quite short for his age, isn't he?)

I think you'll find he's above average, actually.

That's it, that's my boy!

Oscar, point the...

Oscar, point...

Oscar, darling, listen. Just point the remote at the telly.

Actually, point it, like that,

and press the button down, and then do it.

Games take a lot of hand-eye coordination, don't they?

It's tricky for the little ones.

Point it at the thing.

Point it at the thing, like this. Then you just do a nice, big...

There you go, you've won! Look at that, you clever little boy.

-You didn't.

-"You didn't".

Aw!

Oh, here she is. Right, come on, spill the beans.

How was the big date?

Cos Anthony hasn't said a thing.

He's just been sealed, zipped.

You've spoken to him?!

He texted this morning. He said he had a couple of things to do, business-wise...

I thought Alfie was desperate for those lemons?

Yeah. Yes. So, see you...

later.

You all right, angel?

I'm not your angel.

Can we talk, please?

Please?

Let's not fall out over this. Not me and you.

You can ask that brother of yours.

Anthony put up the Emporium as a stake, all on his own.

No-one forced him to do it.

He got greedy.

He tried to teach me a lesson, or something.

But, whatever he did, he showed his true colours,

and there's no way that boy is good enough for my little girl.

I really liked him, Dad, and now he won't even answer my calls.

Why did you have to ruin it?

One, two, three, four, five, and six.

Sorry, I'm not quite my dad yet.

THEY LAUGH

Kat, give us a hand, darling. All right, fellas, here we go.

Get your laughing gear round this. There you go, all right.

-Ray's brightened up now the pies have arrived.

-# Who ate all the pies? #

ALL: # Who ate all the pies? #

Is that why you were so rubbish today?

You put a few pounds on, have you, Raymondo?

Are you guys going to keep banging on about this?

-Said the barmaid to the football team.

-Wa-hey!

No, you're all right. I don't do losers.

ALL: Oooh!

Got to do it in one, Mo.

Ready?

Alfie?

Sack her.

-Steady, go!

-What?

You heard. Sack her.

No. No, Phil, mate, no. I can't...

I want her out of here.

-She's got nothing else.

-You running a boozer or a doss house?

She's just having a bit of banter, a bit of harmless fun, that's all.

BOTTLE CRASHES

Shirl! Shirl!

She's turning this place into a dive, get rid of her.

Phil, I was only trying to help her, that's all.

Yeah, well, you ain't. She don't need this, she needs me.

No, get rid of her.

And if she ain't gone by the time I come back tonight,

she won't be the only one getting kicked out.

Fancy having a drink with us Kat?

If that's your way of getting round me,

it's going to take more than free drinks and cheesy one-liners.

What will it take exactly, Kat?

That's for me to know and you to find out, Derek.

Oh-ho, ho-ho!

I thought you might like to come and help me on the stall.

Had a bit of a rush on strawberries.

-You said you'd cook me breakfast.

-What?

Before you left. You said you'd cook me breakfast.

I waited for you.

Bobby, I...

Are you going again? Are you going to disappear?

No. No, of course I'm not.

But what if you do?

I'm not, OK? I'm not going to.

Bobby, I'm staying here.

All right?

I'm never going to leave you again.

Please.

I love you, all right?

And I'm not going to go anywhere.

I promise you.

Right, come on boys. Hands in, hands in. Show your hands.

Come on. That's it. That's it.

Now let's see what we've got here.

Mm! Here, Kat!

Now, let's see. Who do you think's got the honest face

out of this bunch of rogues?

Don't get me involved!

Come on, Kat. Make a call.

I tell you what, Kat'll be my caller.

Whatever she says, that's good enough for me.

Looks like a line up for Crimewatch.

THEY LAUGH

Come on, Kat. Make your call.

Be my lady luck.

All right. Ten, I'm calling ten.

OK. All right.

Come on, show your coins, boys. Show your coins.

BOTH: One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, nine.

Oh!

Ten! Ten!

Ah! Ha-ha!

Come on, man. That's like four on the bounce, man. Come on.

You're his lucky charm now, Kat.

-I ain't no-one's anything.

-Cough up, cough up, cough up.

Shove it, Alfie.

You don't need to be like this.

Oi, Shirley's the best barmaid this place has ever had.

You should give a raise, not the sack.

Mo, Mo, just shut up, all right? What's the matter with you?

-This is down to Phil, innit?

-It's not working out, all right?

-Well, I'm taking this for redundancy.

-Shirley...

Mo, come and sit down.

Right.

Shir..

MUSIC: "Michael Caine" by Madness

Mum!

Nearly there, darling. You and Oscar are next, OK?

SHE GRUNTS

Oh, get in!

Here we go again.

Alfie, are you going to let him get away with this?

Get away with what? What's the matter with you?

You stitching us up, mate?

-Oh what, over a couple of quid? Do me a favour.

-Alfie, phone.

Sweetheart, keep an eye on this lot. It's going to kick off, I think.

What's the matter, you lot getting grouchy? Time for your nap?

It's this lot. They're just a bunch of bad losers.

You've won eight games on the bounce, Derek.

-D'you think he's cheating?

-Wind it in or I won't serve any of you.

I don't know what, but something ain't right.

It's a game of luck. What's the matter with you?

Some people make their own luck, Derek.

-That's a bit tacky, ain't it?

-Unbelievable.

-What did you say to him?

-What?

What did you just call my son?

-Say it again.

-Why? What?

Say it again and I'll...

-Get your hands off me!

-Everyone back off!

-Derek, pack it in!

-What, I haven't done nothing.

This is not a playground.

-He said what?

-Tacky.

See? Cloth ears.

-Relax, man.

-What's the matter with you?

-Eat your nuts.

-As if I'd say something like that!

I'm not being funny, Shirl, but why are you still sticking around?

I ain't being chased out by no-one.

No, I know stuff.

Stuff? What stuff?

I tell you, Mo, if people knew what I know....

If they knew. If they knew.

If they knew.

Well done lads, well done, top result(!)

Eh, what's going on, boss?

Come on, the manager. Get the drinks in.

Shut up, you doughnut.

You know who I've just been on the phone to?

The admin bloke from the pub league, all right?

So, what you been doing? You been pocketing the old subs again, have you?

He's been taking bungs, aint' he?

No, no, we've been kicked out of the pub league, all right?

-What, what for?

-That'll be Derek, hitting that bloke.

-Oi, I hardly touched him.

-He had to be taken to hospital.

-So will you in a minute, if you keep on.

-Oi!

-That's twice you've done that...

All of you shut up, cos it's got nothing to do with Derek.

-They can't just kick us out.

-They can and they have.

Hang on, hang on. So what did they say?

Hey, Raymondo, do you want to tell them or shall I?

AJ.

So.

There was no affair?

Then would you mind explaining to me

why my hallway currently looks like Walford's tip?

She's been wanting to have kids

for about ten years now.

I've always been able to put her off,

make her see that we don't need kids to be happy.

SHE GASPS

So, a couple of months ago,

when I first came down and found you and Mas,

she'd been pushing me, wanting me to commit, she wouldn't back off...

-So you ran away?

-I don't want kids in my life.

-How can you possibly know that?

-I don't need kids to be happy.

But Aliyah does.

Then I'm not the man she should be with.

(Wow!)

So, you're OK with this?

You're going to throw everything away?

All your years of marriage together?

Your wife? Because you don't think you need to have kids.

You know, I've made my choice. I'm happy with it.

Oh, ho-ho. Kids!

You must have known you'd registered for two teams.

I didn't think there was going to be a problem.

What's all the fuss about?

Ray here done us over, didn't he? Let us down.

-He betrayed us.

-Is that why you let them run all over us today, bruv?

No, the reason was he was going to sign for them, as well.

That's why he was going to let them win.

I wouldn't do that to you lot.

We never found out, Derek, because of you.

You still here?

Sit down!

Boys, what's the big deal?

Hold him on a leash.

The big deal is we were in a football team, and we're not now because of you.

That's a fuss about nothing. We're rubbish.

Oi, there's only one rubbish player round here.

Look, having a go is not going to help.

It's going to help me.

Well, why don't you do something about it? Come on, man!

Is that really all you've got?

SHE GRUNTS

You are so going down!

Bring it on!

Will you pack it in the lot of you?!

Will you stop it?!

Will you pack it in?! Alfie!

GLASS SMASHES

THEY GRUNT

-Get off, Syed!

-You let me go.

Get off, Syed.

-Do you surrender?

-I do not!

Oh!

Derek. Derek!

HE SCREAMS

SHE GRUNTS

Yes! Oh yes. In your face.

Alfie! Alfie, will you sort this out?

Come on, Shirl. Let's get out of here.

I want to watch.

Oi!

Oh, yeah, what's the mileage on that?

Hang on, mate. Can I call you back?

Watch it!

How many times have I got...?

Argh!

You don't know about me, man. Hey, Michael, bruv...

Are you back?

Argh!

Stop it!

Right, Jack, Jack, stop, just stop. Ray, stop.

Shake hands, please. Shake hands, all right? Come on, enough.

-Come on, then.

-Oh, forget it!

HOOTER BLARES

Enough, yeah?!

I hope he's paying you the proper rate.

-He gets free board and lodgings.

-There you go, treacle.

SHE LAUGHS

You all right, boss?

I've been helping Dad sell. He says I'm really good.

-Yeah.

-It's time for tea.

Well, can't he stay a bit longer? We've nearly finished?

Home, now!

Yeah, but Bobby starts school next week and I was thinking

I could take him, pick him up.

-You'd really like that, wouldn't you?

-No. No, you're not doing this.

-Doing what?

-Saying you'll do things, saying you'll be there.

I ain't going to let you hurt him again.

-Lucy!

-Playing best mates.

"Oh, look at us on the stall".

No, you don't get to do this, all right?

He thought you was dead.

And I was there, sitting with him when he woke up screaming,

crying for his dad...

You can't just pretend like nothing's happened,

like things are back to normal because you're on the stall.

Things ain't normal.

Everyone fighting like animals.

You could have got seriously hurt.

SHE SIGHS

Kat, where's the vacuum?

-We've got splinters of glass everywhere.

-In the living room!

Cheers. You all right, mate? You look as bad as I feel.

Don't clog it up with big bits, will you? Use the dust pan.

-Here, Kat...

-Yeah?

I found this.

I know, I'm sorry, I don't know what happened.

It was down by the phone downstairs.

It got knocked over and the whole thing just leaked out, and erm...

And I know it's one of your favourites and you liked it.

Yeah. Yeah, I love it.

That's why I wasn't sure that...

Eh, come on listen, I know. I like it as well.

I'll get you another one. Come on, it's all right sweetheart.

Oi, come on. I'll buy you another one... It's all right.

I'll get you as many as you want.

My way of saying sorry, that's all.

Listen to me, I know I've been a bit of a spanner lately,

taking you for granted and what with the football.

But I'm knocking it on the head.

-I'm going to make it up to you.

-No, it's not that. It's, um...

It's just everyone kicking off downstairs.

I promise it's not as bad as it looks and I'm going to get it sorted.

I'm going to make sure them plums downstairs,

them plebs are going to leave the pub spotless, all right?

OK, come on give me a smile. That's my girl.

You stay up here and I'm going to get it sorted, yeah?

Yeah? Yes.

I love you, all right?

Come on then, there we go.

-You have got some serious issues woman.

-What?

You had to turn a pleasant game into something more. Make it all aggressive.

I'm not the one stood here, shouting the odds, am I?

Denny, come on! We're going, babe.

And I'll tell you this for nothing.

My son will not be playing here again, OK?

Oh, fine. Yeah. That suits me because, d'you know what?

I was only ever doing Ian a favour.

He says to me, "She's really nice, but she's got no mates."

-Now we know why, don't we?

-I don't need nobody.

I've got by on my own for this long.

And if I was looking for a friend, which I'm not,

it wouldn't be some mad cow like you.

Good, cos I don't want a crazy woman like you as a mate, either.

-Good.

-Fine.

-Come on, Denny. Quick.

Unbelievable.

DISTANT VOICE: The lads have promised we're going to clean this place properly.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd