04/09/2012 EastEnders

LOUD SIGH

THUNDER RUMBLES

RAIN PATTERS

All right, darlin', so what do you fancy'?

-Black coffee, please.

-Er, hello. I think I was first.

We'll have a hot chocolate, please. ..Do we want marshmallows?

Yeah! We'll have some marshmallows on that, thanks.

Can I have some?

No, you can't, darling. They'll rot your teeth.

Mum...

-Mm-hm?

-My tummy's hurting.

Does it, baby? Really?

You are feeling a bit warm, aren't you?

Oh, I knew a woman who breast fed her little boy till he was five.

-I don't want to go to school today.

-Well, you're going to school and that's that.

Still, must be hard doing it on your own, mustn't it?

-Come on, then, Oscar. KAT:

-All right?

You were up with the lark. Wish I had your energy.

No, I couldn't sleep. Neither could he.

He must know something's up.

What?

-Well, he's probably missing his dad, ain't he?

-Oh, yeah. Yeah, he is.

Oh...

All right, fellas. Come in. Sorry, yeah.

This is why I won't let Mrs Moon do any packing for the holiday.

You know what I mean?

-GLASS SMASHES

-It's OK, OK. Don't worry about it.

I'll get a cloth. No harm done.

It's a bit early, innit?

It's medicinal.

What you done to yourself?

You did that to me.

Then let me help you. Come home, Shirl.

Why would I want to do that?

Cos I want you to. Cos your stuff's there.

Yeah, and so are you.

And I wouldn't be able to stand that.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

You, er... You looking for something, love?

Bobby. You seen him?

You, er, you doing some ordering?

Chips don't buy themselves.

I could do that for you.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Oh, come on, look, I'm more than capable of ordering

a couple of bags of straight cut Maris Pipers, aren't I?

Look, I did OK in the caff and I was all right on the stall, wasn't I?

And I...I took Bobby to school.

Come on, Lucy, I can do this. Please?

It has to be done today.

OK.

-No. Absolutely not.

-Come on, Zee. It's a big deal for him.

Going to see his GP. Someone to talk to.

Ian Beale does not need to see a doctor, all right?

-He needs a good kick up his backside.

-He's mentally ill.

Since when did "I'm feeling a little bit under the weather"

get its own medical diagnosis?

-No, I can't. I've got a shift.

-Oh, come on!

You're on half a day. And I won't be done in time. Please, Zee.

He just needs someone to hold his hand. Someone...

..serene...

stoic...

sympathetic?

-Serene?

-Mm-hm.

All right, fine. I'll do it.

-But I'm not holding his hand.

-OK. Thank you.

He'll have you baby-sitting >

the school guinea pig, if you're not careful.

Well, it would certainly fit right in here in this pig sty.

HE GRUNTS LIKE A PIG

Alfie! Open up! Alfie!

What's all the banging and shouting. What are you doing? Where's Tommy?

-I came to see you! He's with Jean.

-You shouldn't be here.

-Look, he misses you. I miss you.

-I miss you too, darlin'!

-Then let us come home.

-They've not even started yet.

-Taking their time!

-But it's only three more nights till Friday.

Listen, mate, do us a favour, you can set up anywhere you want.

-Just watch the old girl, all right?

-Oi you, Bug's Life.

No, no, no, I don't mean her. I mean the Queen Vic...bust.

Sweetheart, I gotta go, I got a load of washing bags

-with your name on it.

-You're doing the washing?

-Yes! Yes, I'm doing it.

-You saying I don't know how to...?

-No, I left something in there. It'll take me a few minutes to get it.

Yeah, no, darling. You can't, all right. It's a health hazard.

I don't care. Look, give it to me and I'll take it to the laundrette

-in case you shrink anything.

-Like your skirts can get any shorter.

-Oi...

-Ho-ho! Listen, darling, I've got a load of washing to do, OK?

You bagged it up. So leave it to me and I'll catch you up later, yeah?

Don't I at least get a kiss?

OK. One kiss. But no touching.

All right, health hazard, OK? Mwah! Love ya.

Talk to you later!

-TELEPHONE RINGS

-Oh, come on...

-So you got time for a drink?

-I'm a bit busy, actually, Jack.

-Come on, you gotta take a break some time.

-Yeah, but not today.

The Vic's shut, so I'll open from five to try and nick some punters.

RINGING STOPS

-Brilliant(!)

-If it's important, they'll call you back.

-It might have been Denny's school.

-Getting into fights, is he?

Of course not. Look, Jack, I've really got to get...on.

-OK?

-What about after closing?

-What about it?

-The drink?

-Isn't that a bit past your bedtime, babe, hmm?

THEY LAUGH

Trying to have a kip!

KNOCKING ON BACK DOOR

< Ian? It's me, Zainab.

DOOR OPENS

< Hello?

Ian?

Hey, didn't you hear me?

-No, I'm busy.

-Why aren't you dressed? It's the middle of the day.

-Oh...

-Zainab!

-And look at this mess.

-Come on!

-What do you want?

-It's not what

-I

-want. It's Masood.

Apparently, you've some appointment and he doesn't trust you to go?

I-I said I'd do this for Lucy and I'm going to do this for Lucy...

You know, he seems to think the answer is in talking about things.

But that is not the way to solve problems, Ian. The way to do it is to just get on with things.

-That's what I'm trying to do...

-Have you not seen those chat shows on TV?

Where people just shout at each other and it turns into arguments

-and you find out your auntie's your brother and your grandmother's hooked on drugs.

-Zainab, please...

Honestly, Masood! Masood thinks, no, the answer is in "chatting" about everything.

No! Don't touch that!

Ian?

Please... Please, just go, just go!

OK, fine.

But you are coming at three o'clock

and I am going to escort you to the doctor's office, yes?

No.

No, I haven't got time.

Fine.

Well, I've got better things to do with my time than to shepherd a grown man to the doctor's office.

I've got children of my own, you know, Ian!

FRONT DOOR SLAMS

Can't keep away, can you?

Got some lunch.

Lovely bit of chorizo...

antipasti...

-Got a lovely bit of cheese there as well.

-You shouldn't have.

Well, if you won't take a break. Olive?

On one condition...

Yeah?

Oh!

Honestly, fellas, the quicker the better, seriously.

I'm getting a right ear bashing from the missus, and she is not amused.

-Bit like this one 'ere.

-HE LAUGHS

Give us a bite.

Oh, she's so rude!

Can you get out, please?

-POLITE ACCENT:

-Could I see your wine list, please?

I said get out.

Get off your cloud, Heidi.

-Now!

-Make me!

Leave her to me.

But I just want to place an order.

Look, I told you, I don't have a reference number, OK?

Well, I don't. I can't find it!

Hang on, hang on.

Please...

Please, I just want to make an order for Beale's Plaice.

It... It's for Lucy.

You see, I...

I told... I told Lucy I could do this.

MAN ON PHONE: 'Hello?

'Hello, sir?'

Mmm! You should try some of this.

-Yeah.

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Yeah, speaking.

Well, is he all right?

I'll be ten minutes. OK.

I knew I should never have let him go.

-Problem?

-I've got to pick Denny up from school.

He's got a tummy ache. I knew something was wrong when he didn't have his breakfast.

If he didn't eat his breakfast, no wonder he's got a tummy ache.

-Sorry.

-Jack, I need you to keep an eye on the place.

-Look, I've got stuff to do...

-Please, babe, it's an emergency. He needs his mum.

-Well, as long as you make it worth my while?

-Fine.

-I won't be long, all right. Cheers.

-See ya.

I thought you were meant to be playing chaperone round about now?

I don't like to interfere where my help is not welcome.

Well, I suppose Mas isn't your husband yet.

-Doesn't matter if you disobey him.

-You know what, he'll get over it.

-But Ian....

-If you are so worried about him, why don't you talk to him?

Because Mas didn't ask me. Besides, the guy's depressed.

Doesn't want someone as full of life as me rubbing it in.

Ha-ha(!) He's not depressed. He is just moping.

Whatever you think.

What he needs to do is he needs to just get on with it.

Yeah, course. I'm sure he won't do anything stupid.

Just...you know, getting on with things.

All on his own.

-Caught ya!

-Alfie! I thought I'd give you a hand with the washing.

-You're not supposed to be up here, all right.

-Seeing as I'm here now...

-No, no, no, you can't touch me!

-I've missed you.

I know.

I've missed you too, all right!

-You OK?

-Yeah, come on.

-No, no, no, we can't...

-Ssh! We can!

-No, we can't! Listen, Kat, we can't!

This place is infested, it's dirty. We can't, all right? We just can't.

Fine.

Look, Kat... Kat, that's not...

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Ian! It's me, Zainab.

Please open the door.

-KNOCKING CONTINUES

-Ian?

Ia...?

Oh, you stupid, stupid man!

Ian, what have you taken?

-Sit up, sit up.

-What?!

-What have you taken?

Nothing!

Oh, thank goodness!

-You stupid, stupid, man!

-What's that for?

For making me think that you'd...

I haven't taken anything.

Good. Because it's not just your life that you'd be throwing away.

There is no point, OK? No point in giving up.

-MUSIC ON TV

-Ian!

-I was watching that.

-I'm trying to talk to you and you're watching cartoons?

Look, I'm fine. Yeah? I'm...

..fine.

What I said before...

I didn't mean it.

Maybe talking isn't always a waste of time.

It's not good to bottle things up inside.

I know what that's like first hand.

I let them down.

Bobby.

And Lucy.

I told Lucy I could... I could do this order and...

I can't find the number!

What, BEALE459Z?

That's what all the fuss is about, is it?

-I couldn't see it.

-OK.

Well, I'm glad that I was of some assistance.

Ian...

..go to your appointment, OK?

Come with me? Please.

She's cremated it.

-Thought that's how you liked it.

-Didn't think you'd remember.

Well, I did.

Here y'are.

What's that?

Some, er...clean clothes, deodorant, toothbrush,

so you can clean yourself up a bit. I'm sorry.

-I couldn't find a decent bag.

-Thanks, but I don't need your sympathy.

Well, you did the same for me, didn't you, when I hit rock bottom, you...

You pulled me back up again.

Yeah, but I didn't put you there in the first place.

I'm trying to help you.

No.

What you're doing is, you're trying to sweeten me up,

so I won't go to the old bill and tell them what you did.

I'm doing this, because you'll end up dead if I don't.

And you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Cos dead girls don't talk.

-I dunno what to say to them.

-Say anything. They'll understand.

It'll be fine.

-Hello.

-You all right?

-Yeah.

Well, have I gone back in time or something?

-Just helping out a mate, ain't I?

-Early doors for this place, innit?

Well, with the Vic being closed, Sharon wants to make the most out of

-all those thirsty punters.

-Oh, very nice of her(!)

-Mmm.

-You knew. Thank you.

-Yes!

See you in a bit.

My mum's got that top.

Has she? Oh, good for her.

It'd look better on my bedroom floor, though.

Not my mum's. Yours, I mean, if you wanted it.

No, thanks.

You just come out of prison?

Last time I heard someone that desperate,

they'd just done ten years in Wormwood Scrubs.

12 years in Farringdon.

Car insurance.

Till today.

Aw, hard luck.

-I'll have another one, please.

-I'm Shirley.

Peter. Pete.

I don't want you to sell me a policy, mate, I want you to buy me a drink.

Vodka and tonic.

And a vodka tonic for her.

Max had a face on him like that when I told him he had to sort his own dinner out.

In the dog house, is he?

Mmm, just a bit.

Well, brawling in his local. He's missed his son's first day at school.

He's always out working late so he can stare at Vauxhall Corsas.

So I said to him, "You can baby-sit while I go out for a nice little drink after work."

Then I found your place was shut, so...

couldn't go home with egg on me face.

I've come here. One drink and then I'm done.

-One's all you're going to be able to afford, at these prices.

-Hmm.

You know, when I was a kid, me and my mates were so skint,

we used to nick our drinks off other people's tables.

Urgh! I'm surprised you didn't catch anything.

I did - Max. LAUGHTER

He said it was one of the things that attracted him to me.

He said I was "trouble he wouldn't mind getting into." Where's yours?

Under quarantine.

-Bit old for chicken pox, ain't he?

-Not too old for bed bugs,

-especially when some tramp brings 'em in your house.

-That's not nice.

That's Alfie's trouble.

He's too nice.

Sometimes, I wish Max had that problem.

She's not a rat. She's a guinea pig.

I am not having one of those filthy creatures in my house.

-I said. Didn't I say?

-I think you'll find they're quite clean actually.

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Oh, please, can we have a guinea pig, please?

-Over my dead body.

-I'll take good care of it.

Oh. Ian, please.

Everything all right? Zee said it went well. Doctor...?

Yeah. We...chatted and...he's going to refer me.

Listen, um, these are for you as a thank you.

-For earlier.

-Right. Thank you!

SHE GIGGLES BASHFULLY

Aw, you fixed Ian Beale.

So I'll tell the school it's all right then?

They eat guinea pigs in Peru, you know. All right.

What you doing here? Where's Sharon?

-She's got problems with her kid. Asked me to help out.

-Right.

Tell you what though, Shirley's keeping me in business.

-The amount she's been drinking with that fella.

-What fella?

Dunno. Some random, ain't he?

Hey.

-Oh, right. Yeah, about time.

-Sorry I'm late, Jack.

I didn't want to leave until Denny felt a bit better, you know.

Well, it can't be easy working here and having a little one.

-Not getting to tell him bedtime stories an' all that.

-We're fine.

Look, you can get off, if you like.

Oh. Right. Yeah, I will.

OK.

Jack.

Almost forgot. I said I'd make it worth your while, didn't I?

-Yeah, you did.

-Want to close your eyes?

What's that?

It's the least I can do.

And if ever you want more bar work, give us a shout.

We could do with more strapping lads like you.

Right, I better get off.

Make sure Max hasn't blown the house up trying to work the microwave.

-Not going to have another one?

-Yeah. Why not?

Your round then.

Give you a chance to show off your drink looting skills.

Liars. The lot of 'em. My ex, he was a liar.

He wouldn't know the truth if it came up and danced in his face.

Bet you're not a liar, are you, Peter?

Bet you're a good boy. You tell the truth.

I'll tell you one thing -

-you're gorgeous.

-Yeah, well, I'm going to the bog.

Get us another drink, will you?

Make it a double.

Wasn't thirsty anyway.

Think you've lost your touch, darlin'.

It's funny, innit? Max has been driving me up the wall all week and I still can't wait to go home

-and kiss his bald little head.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

It's like, no matter how much they've been doing your head in,

-they're still the other half of you.

-And you don't know how you ever got on without 'em.

-PHONE BLEEPS Oi oi. Speak of the devil.

-That's mine.

-Is it?

Somebody loves you, do they?

Tell you what, say what you like about Alfie -

a man who makes you smile like that is worth holding onto.

Right, this time I really am going.

See you later.

Still here? You should have your own bar stool.

-As long as I get to sit next to you.

-Always on my feet, me.

Maybe you should have a drink with me. Take the load off.

All three of you.

Maybe another time, eh? I'm working.

I'll hold you to that.

Hey!

You try that again and I'll knock so many of your teeth out you won't be able to laugh.

Now get out.

Leave me alone, you sad lonely little man.

You're making a fool of yourself.

No. I'm having a laugh. There's no crime against that, is there?

Now, covering up a murder on the other hand...

-What's the matter? You scared, Phil?

-All right, Shirley, keep it down.

This is the one I was telling you about. The liar.

Do you know him?

No, I know his type. When the vodka and desperation don't work on getting 'em into bed, well...

-DOOR CLOSES

-All right, love?

Yeah. Have you been there all day?

No. I...had an appointment.

Wait, you did do the ordering? I said it has to be done today.

Yes, Lucy, I've done it, OK, it's fine. Delivery's coming tomorrow.

That's the order number. Everything's fine.

You did it?

Yeah. Yeah, I got there in the end.

Oh.

Cool.

Thanks, Dad.

Not sharing?

Thanks for the chips and everything but I'm going to go home.

Thought we were getting on.

Yeah, well, I get on with anyone after that many vodkas. Night-night.

Come on, let's go somewhere.

Are you thick or something? I said I wasn't interested.

I was just thirsty.

That's not very nice, is it?

Oi! Oi!

You all right?

Come on, Shirl, let's get you home.

No.

Look at you. You're a mess. You need looking after.

-Oh, what? By you, you mean?

-Yes.

-You're no different from him.

You're drunk.

Seriously, Phil, did you ever really love me?

Or was it just control? Cos love is giving yourself over to someone.

Shirl, I've told you. You're it. You're everything.

You liar.

What?

I said you're a liar. And you've made me a liar. And it stops now.

I'm not keeping your dirty little secret no more.

Shirley.

Shirley!

Yeah, it's me. I got your text. Are you there?

Yeah. I need to nip home first. To the B&B.

Yeah, 'course.

I'll call you back, yeah?

It's Phil Mitchell.

I... I need you to do something for me.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd