15/10/2012 EastEnders

-Rox, you seen Sy?

-No, no, no! You're not supposed to see this!

Got in late, out early. Not answering his phone...

His battery's probably dead.

-Homemade banners. Quality.

-Yeah, well, we need to get on.

Or he's not answering the phone cos he's embarrassed. He knows his stag's

going to be nowhere near as good as ours, because his stag night

-is being organised by an idiot.

-Oh, babes, you're wounding me(!)

-I'm not your babes.

-She's still my babes.

-She ain't your babes.

-Thank you, Christian. So where is it then, this amazing stag?

-It's uh...

-You ain't got anywhere?

-Course I've got somewhere!

-Where?

-You think I'm showing you my hand? Listen, me and my man...

-Me?

-We are going Over the Rainbow.

-No bruv, I'm working! I can't...

-# Somewhere over...#

-Fat Boy, you need to come... Fat Boy!

Right, you - go put your frock on.

-Love you.

-I love you. But get out.

-Bye.

-See ya.

Oh.

'Important'.

-Oh, it's nothing to worry about.

-In big cartoon capitals.

I'll deal with it, Tam.

OK, Dad was looking for you. And Christian.

Anyone would think you're getting married.

-Sorry, why are we not open?

-Got to get the place ready.

-We can't afford to shut up...

-Mum said...

-Mum doesn't run this place!

All right, Tam? And we said simple!

-Yeah, I think that is her idea of simple.

-I don't like wasting money.

-We need to open.

-I've sent the chef home. You're allowed a night off.

You've done enough already.

Just go and enjoy your stag... Hen.

Go and enjoy it.

DOORBELL RINGS

Still ain't too late to come?

What, night out with you? I've seen the CCTV!

SHE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY

-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

-What you doing?

-I don't know, I don't know.

Yes. You won't even notice we're here!

Search me!

-Now THAT is the kind of fun we are looking for!

-Out.

-R&R was booked and...

-I can't let Syed down, can I?

Hold on, hold on. You think...

I am going to let you hold a stag do in here?

-I tried to tell him.

-Out.

-How much we talking?

-Out.

-Fifty quid?

-Do me a favour! You can double that!

You want to stay in, do you? Out! Take that.

-OK...

-Off you go. Thank you. Bye bye.

HE IMITATES A KISS

Delicious!

Well, someone's burning a candle!

Well, he can burn a whole candelabra, darling!

Cos me and romance? Not getting on.

With a face like that, you surprised?

See ya later!

I thought you'd have gone?

Yeah, running late.

Roxy's idea.

Anyone would think you'd been avoiding me.

It's work. You know?

Anyway, Jane, she can't make it.

Mum's had a relapse and she don't want to leave her.

Well, Shabnam hasn't sent a card.

Sisters, eh?

Nice.

You know, it wouldn't matter to me

if we were the only two people in the room.

Tomorrow's just about me and the man I love.

Whoo! You stink.

I need to get back to the Argee Bhajee.

YOU need to get in the shower.

Cos you've got a stag do to go to.

See ya.

I'm putting AJ in with Tamwar.

I thought, night before the wedding.

Give Syed a little bit of space...

That still fits nice.

A bit of space. Yeah.

Maybe that's what he needs.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Wedding present for the two of them.

Our son. Happy.

Yeah.

What?

You was the one that said it was gonna get rowdy up in here, bruv!

I say a lot of things.

Yeah, well, I don't want Mr Mitchell's lady getting mash ups,

you know I kinda like my legs the way they are!

Hey, listen, man, come on...

What you doing? This is my venue!

Rox, come on babe, I've already taken his money!

-Well, untake the money. I've already booked.

-Howdy partner.

THEY LAUGH

-Fats!

-Yeah.

We need costumes. L-plates. Inflatable sheep. Now.

Alright, cool.

-Thirsty?

-Yes!

-Come on then!

-You guys alright? Cool.

-Nice this, innit?

Stag do. Two stag dos. Wedding.

Yeah, yeah. Enjoy your night, babe. What you guys having?

-Bubbles, bubbles! Lots of bubbles.

-All right. Lovely, coming up.

-Oi, oi! You're spoken for!

-I am young, free and single still!

I, however, am not spoken for.

Yeah, well, she definitely bats for my team.

No, no, no, she hasn't found the right girl yet. Go get her for me.

-Go on?

-Are you joking?

-Get her for me!

-All right!

I ain't invited.

I'm inviting you!

You ain't invited either! Watch you drooling all over Mas?

I do not drool!

Kim pawing at Ray. Syed and Christian...

Syed does not drool either!

I mean, what's so wrong in living in sin any more?

I need entertainment!

-Syed! Syed!

-Hey! Love the hats.

Well, you seem to be in perfect physical health.

Babe! You remember Danny? From the Argee Bhajee?

-Me and Syed have been spending quite a lot of time together lately.

-Business.

-You never said.

-In fact, your fiance's been calling me all day.

-It was work!

I thought this might be your local.

Come on boys, you can have a night off?

-It's our stag do.

-Yeah, you should have told me.

I'm finally making an honest man of him. Hey!

Hello the stags!

Hello darling, alright?

Danny, this is Tanya - we used to work together.

That is until he realised there was more to life than groping naked bodies!

Or is there?

I'll see you in a bit, babe.

-Aye, Jim lad!

-You can't be serious!

You want to walk the plank?

My father in law. And his brother the comedian. Danny - one of Sy's regulars.

Is he? This is just friends and family.

-My dad's right. I'll call you.

-Yeah. You're getting hitched in the morning.

You, young man, are going nowhere. This is my stag do

-and nobody leaves until they finish their drink.

-Don't mind if I do!

-We're gate crashing.

-It's a pub.

It is a free country.

-Really?

-I thought you and romance weren't getting on?

My favourite niece!

-Jane said I have to text photos, so...

-Go on then. Here we go.

HE GROWLS

Unleash the Fox! Unleash the Fox!

Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy, what, you're not gonna introduce me, man?

-Oh you've got one, yeah?

-Yeah, yeah.

Scrub up good, innit?

Cheers.

So if you'd like to raise your glasses, please,

filled with whatever my mother has deemed appropriate.

To love.

ALL: No!

-Eleven-nil!

-That's close! Ish.

Can you concentrate please, Syed!

Okay. Do we want the next question?

Dee, Dee, I just wanted to say sorry about the whole B&B thing.

And who would Christian have play him in a movie?

-What? It weren't you, was it? It was the bulldozer.

-OK, OK, OK...

Is it John Barrowman. Is it Daniel Craig?

Or is it that blonde one out of Gladiators

that was sleeping with Ulrika Jonsson?

How am I supposed to know that?

Well, you're meant to be marrying him!

That don't count for much! He'll have you locked in a cellar before long.

Denise!

You know what - funny. Little bit dark. But funny. I like it, I like it.

John Barrowman.

HORN SOUNDS

That's actually disappointing. Everyone here knows. OK,

altogether - it's Daniel...

ALL: Craig!

Is that how you see me? Jazz hands John Barrowman!

Loser!

Hello I'm Christian. Nice to meet you.

Is that it? Is that all the fun?

Oh the fun ain't even started yet.

Dee, you know what can I... would you like a drink?

-That'd be nice.

-Why don't you take care of the music? I'll entertain the lady.

Two minutes, I want to show you something.

Apparently, father of the bride gets the drinks in so that would be you, would it?

-Yep.

-Gets to you though, innit?

You know, two people in love, getting married,

with their family and friends around...

Sasha'll be waiting, Yeah? All right?

MUSIC: "Single Ladies" by Beyonce

< Come on, Christian!

# All the single ladies

# All the single ladies

# You put your hands up... #

One, two, three!

I can't have any more of this.

I've got to keep a clear head for tomorrow.

Are you kidding me? Are you going to be like this all night?

-Like what?

-Refusing my drinks.

Talking about, "I'm so loved up!"

One day it'll happen to you, Roxanne Mitchell.

The only good looking bloke around here has gone, ain't he?

Yeah, well.

What happened to you, anyway?

Oh, come on, darling...

You used to be so much fun, do you know that?

-I have got such a surprise for you here...

-Oi!

-Oi! Hello? This is not your night, OK?

-Roxy!

This is my night! This is my best mate.

Him, all right? HIS stag night! Not yours.

If you want a massage? Help with the stress?

-You knew I was seeing him.

-I didn't know you were getting married.

-I didn't expect you to find out.

-You took me to your local club.

-You've been calling me all day.

-Because you've got my money.

It seems to me like you want to get found out.

You know, you play with fire, Syed, you get burnt.

Nobody's playing.

Why are you marrying him?

Because I love him.

You could do so much better.

Dead end job in a dead end restaurant.

Well, it's good enough for you to bring your mates to.

You're worth more than this, Syed.

You're young, you're good looking...

you're sexy.

Look, I need to get back.

You're tying yourself down

with some Muscle Mary old enough to be your dad.

Never been in love, have you?

How are you going to feel? Ten, 20 years from now?

You don't even know him.

What do you want, Syed? The penthouse on the Thames?

The villa in Miami?

Or do you want to be stuck in some poxy little flat in Walford

with a pensioner?

I'll have the penthouse and the husband, what will you have?

Why are you marrying him, Syed?

Look...I need money.

-What, you selling yourself?

-You couldn't afford it.

-Damaged goods? I don't think so.

-An advance...on my return.

There is no return...

the deal went bust.

No, no...

No, you said it was guaranteed.

-You roll the dice, you spin the wheel...

-I need that money!

There'll be another investment.

-You can have a flutter on that if you want?

-With what?!

-You loved it though, didn't you?

-Stop messing me around...

-The risk, the excitement...

-Just give me what's mine.

Just like earlier, when me and your hubby were in the room together.

The smell of fear.

Leave him, Syed.

No!

You can have that whenever you want.

I said no.

He said no.

# ..horny, horny

-# Horny, horny, horny... #

-Give me a minute.

That's subtle.

No!

What are you doing, mate?

How'd you know that one?

Can't beat a bit of old school, baby. Come on, come on!

# ..where you're from you sexy thing

# I believe in miracles... #

You've changed, all right? You just can't see it.

I've grown up. You should try it.

There are other people in the world, you know. Not just Syed.

Maybe not for me!

So, where is he then?

Can't you just be happy for me?

I've spent all day doing this for you!

-He's never been good enough for you, has he?

-It's not about him...

No, it's about you! Roxy Mitchell, centre of the universe.

Why can't I just have you for one little evening

-without him being there too!

-Please, don't make me choose.

Christian, I love you. You're my best friend.

And I love YOU to bits.

You're pushing me out!

Roxy, please!

May we? Please?

Sure.

We were talking money.

Danny's been helping me with the books.

I saw you together.

Said you wanted to get caught.

Oi! Oi! Oi! That's enough!

You've done enough already.

Not such a nice guy after all.

Go on, get out.

Send me some wedding cake.

I just wish he could relax, you know, enjoy it. He's working so hard

You're a good man, Christian.

HE CHUCKLES

You make a pretty good man yourself there, Stud!

Huh?

-Oh!

-SHE LAUGHS

Who would have thought it, huh? You and me, here?

I know.

I've been thinking about Syed's last wedding...

Remembering.

I said some things...

..some vile things.

I seem to remember I gave as good as I got.

But it can't have been easy for you...

all of that going on and me, Masood...

Amira coming back...

-"Character forming", ain't that what they say?

-Yes.

I respect you, Christian.

Standing by my son...

..bringing up someone else's child...

..fighting for the...

..fighting for the man that you love.

MOUTHS: Thank you.

-Right, now, I expect a huge bunch of flowers every Mother's Day.

-Yes.

And chocolates - hand made!

Another man, Syed?

-Please, Dad...

-You were with another man!

Days before you and Christian...

You even sneaked out of your own stag night to see him!

-I didn't sneak out, Dad, I...

-I saw it, Syed! I know what I saw!

Are you going to tell him?

-Any reason I shouldn't?

-Are you going to tell Mum?

-Dad, I know how you must be feeling...

-Oh, do you?

You know, do you? How can you possibly know how I feel?

Do you think you're ready?

-Committing to Christian...

-You still think it's wrong, don't you?

-Two men getting married.

-It's not marriage.

Syed, this is not about you being gay!

This is about you...

-..marrying the right man.

-That's what I'm doing.

You're my son...

I WANT you to be happy...

..but kissing another man, Syed...

it tells me that something's wrong.

Hey! Your husband-to-be's gone missing in action.

-I'm just about to go and find him.

-I've got a stripper.

What? I've found the stag! A stag.

-You are joking me, aren't you?

-Come on. Grow up and deal with it.

Oh, AJ!

No, we do not have a license!

What's he going to want to see her white bits for?

It's all I could afford at the last minute!

For adult entertainment we do not have a licence!

He really don't get the gay thing, does he?

THEY ALL CHEER

MUSIC: "Sexy And I Know It" by LMFAO

-# When I walk in the spot

-Yeah

-This is what I see

-OK

# Everybody stops and they staring at me

# I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it

# Show it, show it, show it... #

I want you to be the man you can be.

Someone you can respect?

No, someone who can respect himself.

You'll never understand.

Well, try me.

Tell me.

The thing you have to remember, Syed, is...love is about trust.

You can't live on a life of lies.

Trust?

You've got to tell Christian.

You think I'm going to take lectures from you about trust?

About marriage? About lies?

-Syed...

-You left Mum with that man!

You went off and you jumped into bed with Jane.

Mum lied to you, you lied to her, you walked away,

you turned your back on her and you left her!

And you stand there, you DARE to stand there

-and smugly lecture me about trust?

-I'm not lecturing...

You have no right!

You lost that right months ago.

Now whatever you saw, you saw nothing!

I love Christian...

..and I am marrying Christian...

..and nothing you can do can stop me.

CROWD CHEERS AND CLAPS

OK, that's enough. That's enough!

Just rub in the oil, baby!

Christian!

-Tell him to put his teeny, tiny top back on!

-You love it!

I do not! OK, stop!

Go on, Kieran!

Oh, yeah!

CROWD CHEERS

VELCRO TEARS

SHE SCREAMS

I was just...

Oh, lighten up, Mas!

Christian..?

MUSIC: "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

YOU missed the stripper!

-Did I?

-Not a patch on me!

You all right? Where you been?

Oh, I've been chatting with Tanya.

Well, that's funny, ain't it? Cos she's dancing over there.

You've been with that Danny bloke, ain't you?

I told you, it's business.

Come on!

In a minute.

-What's happened?

-I caught it on a door frame.

I was lugging a box in for tomorrow. It's nothing.

I love you, Clarkey.

I love you more.

-If you mean it...if you love him...

-Yeah, I do, so deal with it.

OK, are we not beyond all this? Surely?

-I'd love someone like Christian, Dad.

-Tambo!

Well, maybe a little less manly. Actually, a lot less manly

but anyway, it doesn't matter, they love each other, Dad.

They're good together. Leave them. Come on.

Oi, oi! Cheeky!

Hey, hey, hey, bruvver, bruvver!

-She don't get down like that, all right?

-It ain't me.

-It's the music, bruv.

-I know, I know, I hear you, I hear you,

but she doesn't get down like that, all right? OK?

Yeah, she's got better taste. You good?

Oi! Leave him! What you doing?

Yo, yo, get out, man! Get out!

SHE SCREAMS

You and your crew, man!

It is way past your bedtime, mate.

Yeah! Yeah, bruv!

And you, floppy hair! Who does he think he is? Andy Murray?

You all right?

Yeah, I'm just a bit wet. You?

Yeah, I've had worse, man. This is nothing, this is cool.

Listen, can I get you both a drink?

No, I'm just going to get off. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?

Hey, hey, hey, listen!

Look, do you want me to, you know, walk you home?

Just in case they're outside.

Yeah? OK.

Do you know when you first told me that you loved him?

Was at Amira's wedding - your wedding.

And I told you...to ignore it.

I told you that if you chose to walk this path...

that you would walk it alone.

Syed, I was wrong.

I said that all of this would fade to nothing...

..and it hasn't.

Cos what you have...it's real, Syed...and it's strong.

So you get married...

..because in my eyes it is marriage.

You get married with my blessing.

Thank you.

I've got a present for you.

I wish you and Christian everything you've ever dreamed of.

HE INHALES

Let me put some ice on that.

You don't...?

You ain't just a...?

Last night of freedom!

Let's have a look.

Oh!

Hey.

Next time I see you it's going to be our wedding day.

I love you so much...

..husband-to-be!

You get some beauty sleep.

Stop!

Please.

I can't do this...

..I can't marry you.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd