11/01/2013 EastEnders

Masood!

Look, I'm really sorry I didn't get a chance to tidy up the spare room.

I wasn't expecting anyone. But when you see someone in that state...

-Cup of tea?

-Thank you.

Only thing is, Lucy's finished off the milk.

Like I said, we weren't expecting anyone. I will make sure we get some for tonight.

Ian, I appreciate this, I really do.

But I need to get back to the B&B, sort things out once and for all.

Sounds like a plan.

But you're always welcome here.

Whoa!

Ayesha wrote this?

Yes!

And you, what, just... came across it?

I was tidying up.

It's to Rashid?

No, no, no. She just mentions him...there.

Hmm.

Oh... Oh-ho-ho!

It's quite impassioned.

Masood, it is obscene!

She should not even know what THAT is.

HE CHUCKLES

Yeah.

Well, look, she's got a crush on someone, so what?

So what?! I am in charge of that girl, huh?

What if she goes off with the first man that winks at her?

And then she ends up defiled. Or pregnant. Or worse still - in love.

What are we going to do about it?

It's Tamwar.

Or it's Fattyboy.

OK, you know what, you go out on your round,

you take her with you and you see how she reacts with the two of them,

and see when she acts the most...loose.

-Why me?

-Because I have a venue to find

for a wedding reception in February.

And I've got a guest list to whittle down.

All right, fine.

Masood!

Ayesha!

-Has anyone seen my hairclip? The one with the flower on it.

-I dunno.

Well, yes or no? I had it in here yesterday and it's just disappeared.

-You'll just have to look for it then.

-All right, I only wanted help finding my hairclip.

Well, you'll excuse us

if we're not all jumping to help you after yesterday.

-You're blaming me?

-What were you thinking of, inviting Dexter?

Well, I didn't know who he was.

Ava's not going to want to speak to us, and I don't blame her.

And that is down to you, young lady.

Well, don't even bother trying to be nice in this family,

because it doesn't get you anywhere.

Someone had to say it.

I told you, I need to make up the shortfall.

Look, you owe 20 quid by today or your room goes to someone else.

-But I don't get paid till next week.

-Not my look-out.

You want to talk about your problems, go call a priest.

I thought it'd be good if you came on my round with me,

so that you can get to know the area.

-OK.

-Yeah? Morning.

-Morning.

Learn a bit about Walford, and about the Royal Mail.

The history of the mail is the history of Britain, you know?

-Morning.

-Is it?

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

-Hey, Masood, how you doing?

-Good, good, thank you. Yeah.

We started with Henry VIII, don't you know?

You know, one of the best things about being a postman is

-you get to say hello to people.

-Hi.

Good morning.

What are you looking at?

Uh, you'll be late.

So, where do we start?

Oh, right, well...

First stop.

Hey, they're mine!

Oh...

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I'm having a cup of tea.

Just wasn't expecting to see you here.

I said, "I'm coming to the cafe."

So you did, so you did.

I've got some letters for the manager.

-Lucy's not in.

-Yeah, well, I'll just check.

-I can see she's not in...

-I'll just check. Marie might know.

How you doing, Marie?

Having a cup of tea.

And a bun.

They do buns here.

And cake.

Cakes and buns.

Sometimes they do cakes at the same time as buns.

-Wow, what an amazing selection.

-Yeah.

Cakes, buns...

Pastry.

Wow.

Yep.

Right, well, off we go, then. Enjoy your tea. What have you got there?

-A bun.

-A bun? A bun. Thought so. That's lovely. Enjoy that.

Off we go now, Ayesha.

He's funny, isn't he, Tam?

You mean funny in a ha-ha way, right? Not in a weird way.

Which do you think he is?

Is he adopted?

You're quite cheeky, aren't you?

Pssst!

Go away!

Hi.

Didn't come home last night.

No, I stayed at Ian's.

Look, I just want to talk to you.

-To apologise?

-Not exactly.

-Well, you know where the door is, then...

-Yes, to apologise.

And to admit that you were completely wrong?

Yes.

-Whenever you're ready.

-I am sorry, Kim.

-And...

And I was completely wrong.

AND you should have stayed away from my man.

And I should have stayed away from your man.

So, did Ian make a move then?

Stop it!

Did he walk in on you in the shower?

-"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were there!"

-Hilarious.

So, what do you reckon - it's too soon for a hug?

If you must.

My neck!

-What do you want?

-Can I come in?

-No.

OK. I just wanted to apologise for yesterday.

I should have just told you who I was.

Everyone's well angry at me for bringing you here, you know?

I'm not surprised. My mum went mad at me too.

How did you even know how to find us?

The address was on the back of a Christmas card your nan gave my mum.

A family photo in there.

Whoa, is that it?

That's it.

-Come on.

-I can't. The kitchen's closed.

Just get us a sandwich? I'm starving.

I wish I could, OK, but it's past three,

and Ray's a bit of a stickler, you know. It's not me, it's him.

-Great service, cheers(!) Appreciate your help.

-It's not like that.

What you after?

Thought you were a stickler.

I could rustle something up. Got a pie I could do with a bit of salad.

Chips and I'm yours.

Chips then. Ten minutes, yeah?

Lovely.

Not so hard, was it? Get us a brandy and cranberry.

I've just got to pop to the shops.

In 1840 there was the Penny Black,

-which was the first stamp anywhere in the world.

-Really?

-Yeah.

And that's why our stamps don't have the names of the countries on them.

There was no need because no other countries had them. See?

Super Masood, my man! How you doing, man? What have you got for us?

-Uh... Not a great deal.

-Not a great deal?

-Look at these beauties! What's this, new releases?

-Just last week.

I love new stamps. Used to collect them as a kid, you know, when they were special.

Not like now - you win a race and you get a stamp and that.

When I was kid, you had to be really important to get your head on a stamp.

-Modern Britain, eh?

-Exactly.

Did you know that we were the first ones to have stamps ever?

Well... Look, we'll see you later?

All right then, brother. Listen, thank you for these, yeah?

Take it easy. Later on.

He... He's a nice bloke, isn't he?

He's an idiot.

Oh. Right, time for a break?

-Mm-hmm.

-OK.

-Slow down!

-I'm here to work.

-Yeah, 'course you are.

But minimum wage, minimum effort, yeah?

PHONE RINGS

All right, mate? What's happening?

I'm just stuck at work, innit?

Just training up that new girl.

No, mate, she is not!

Tomorrow?

I'm working. Whereabouts?

Oh, sounds amazing. Gutted.

-I'll work.

-Who's going?

-I'll work!

-Hold on. What?

-I'll do your shift.

-You're new.

-So? Nico's not here anymore.

You go do your thing, I do your shift and you pay me the money,

-no-one's going to be any wiser.

-I'm in.

-But I want it now.

-No way.

-I want it now.

-Hold on.

Sorted. Text me the details, yeah?

What are you doing here, Shirl?

-Earning a living.

-Don't this place give you the creeps?

Bearing in mind everything that went on?

-You don't like it, go somewhere else.

-Yes, sir, what can I get you?

I'll have a chicken in a box, please.

Dexter.

Look, I'm sorry, OK?

I didn't want to make trouble.

I just wanted to see Abi and apologise.

Didn't I tell you not to come back?!

-He's all right.

-You - mind your own business.

-Look, I had to apologise, Mum.

-It's not up to you what you have to do.

You don't go behind my back, is that clear? Get on the train.

He's a good boy, you know?

Thanks for that.

In the late 19th century,

there was up to 12 deliveries a day in London.

-Are you serious?

-Yeah, serious!

And then there were letters to The Times complaining...

Complaining that something that had been posted in the morning

hadn't been delivered by lunchtime.

And then...

I...

Are you interested in anything I'm saying?

Yeah.

-Really? Do you fancy an apple?

-M-hmm.

Apple.

I don't know why he killed himself, he made his own sandwiches!

-I love that...

-How long have you known me?

-Sorry?

-Answer me!

-I don't know, about five, six years.

-And have I ever lied to you?

-I don't think so.

-No, exactly.

Six years and I've never lied to you, not once.

But you see me with another guy

and the first thought in your head is that I'm a cheat?!

-The first thought!

-Calm yourself down.

No, don't tell me to calm down!

He's my cousin, you idiot! My cousin.

For six years, Jay, I've been your friend. Through police, prison...

And you're so moody, my parents hate you, but...

But I didn't mind, because I thought you were special.

I thought you were a good person.

Stop! Stop smiling!

-I

-was there for you.

-All the stuff with Ben,

-I

-was there. And how do you repay me?

By calling ME a cheat?!

-All right.

-No, no, it's not all right. I am NOT a cheat!

I am a good person with a good heart and I love you,

but if you can't see it then that is your problem

but you do not take it out on me.

I am sick of everyone taking everything out on me. I'm sick of it!

Didn't know she had it in her.

Shut the fence gate! You've never heard of Led Zeppelin?

-No.

-Man, you're so sheltered.

-Stop it. Stop!

-That's criminal. Stick it in. Listen. ready?

-Um...

-Listen.

-AJ!

She's never heard of Led Zeppelin!

-It's time for you to go home now, Ayesha.

-What about the rest of the round?

Oh, don't worry, I'm running late, I'll finish it off.

-I'll take her back.

-No, no, no, she's my responsibility.

You go back to the Arches.

Ayesha, come on.

AJ!

It's disgraceful!

-Ooh, Abi, great. Can you take that out for me please, darling?

-No.

-Eh?

-I beg your pardon?

-Abs, if your mum asks you to do something, just do it, will you, please.

-It's all right, Max, I can handle it.

-I said, no.

-Excuse me. Don't talk to her like that.

-Max!

I ain't going to sit here and let her talk to you like that, am I?

Oh, so it's OK for you to be horrible to her, but not me?

-Right. What, you want to get smart with me?

-Give it a rest, please.

Oh, will you stop it, both of you! You are horrible to her, Dad.

You have been for years, and what's worse, Mum, you just let him.

-Excuse me, I don't let anyone do anything.

-He has another wife, Mum,

and you are fine with it!

-What's this?

-No, just, Lauren, get out. Don't get involved, please.

Is she kicking off at you?

I am trying to make things right!

I tried to do the right thing with Dexter

to help someone who needed it.

All I ever am is nice to people and they treat me like I'm rubbish!

The only person who ever stuck up for me was Dot

and she's not around, so I don't know why I even bother.

-Not Fattyboy?

-She thinks he's an idiot.

Well, she's not wrong there. So it's Tamwar, then?

-She thinks he's weird.

-What?!

-Her words.

-So who?

Urgh!

Hey!

-This is not a juice bar.

-Huh?

We're in the middle of something here.

All right. Right on.

There you go. Keep the change, sweetheart, hmm?

Urgh!

What?!

-I think so.

-No...

-I think so. She was laughing, looking at him...

-Looking at him how?

-Exactly how we don't want a young girl looking at him.

-The way a young girl looks at a bloke she's got a crush on.

-Oh, that is a disaster.

-What's she even doing with him?

-They were sharing earphones.

-Oh! Wait. He gave her one of his earphones?

-Yeah.

-You don't think that he's got a crush on her?

-What? No!

-Masood!

No.

-No, he couldn't.

-He might! We have to put a stop to this.

-We don't know for sure.

-Then we find out for sure, Masood, OK?

Because if there's even a whisper of anything inappropriate going on, WE will be disgraced.

That's the dining room and that's the lounge,

so make yourself at home.

-Will that keep you quiet?

-Thank you.

Shirley. You got a minute, please?

It's about me and Ray...

I'm not sure if...

You want to talk about your problems?

Call a priest.

Go away!

Oh, sorry, Oscar. Come in.

-How many plates do we need?

-Just me, you and Patrick.

-What about Ray?

-Oh, no, he's working till ten.

Oh, right. I tell you what, I'll do him some dinner

and I can just leave it in the oven, yeah?

-All right, then.

-Yeah?

-Nice one.

-Kim?

-In here!

-Thought you were working late.

-I'm on a break.

-Oh, OK.

-Can I have a quick word?

-Yeah.

In private.

OK.

-I'm ending it.

-What?

Us.

What?

I've been thinking about it and... I just don't think it's working out.

It's over.

No, no, it's not.

It is.

You can't just end it.

-You can't just end it without talking about it.

-There's no point.

Look, this really had nothing to do with Denise.

All of this is my fault completely.

What happened should never have happened in the first place. I'm sorry.

We can work it out. We'll get through it.

-You are a piece of work, you are!

-Shut up, Denise!

You would rather cut and run

than just admit that you're a liar and you're a cheat.

Shut up, Denise!

Ray, look, just between us.

She doesn't have to be here. Just me and you. Please. Don't do this.

-Please!

-Kim, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, babe.

-Ray, don't...

All I can tell you is I am sorry. All right, listen to me.

Look, I know this is not the best way to do it, right, but I don't think it's going to work.

-It's not going to work out, babe.

-It's going to work out.

-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

-It's going to work out.

-Leave it, Kim.

-It's going to work out, Ray!

Ray, please... Ray, Ray, please!

Look, I can change, yeah?

I can change. I don't have to be like this. Whatever you want, Ray.

-Please, just tell me.

-Come on, Kim, it's over, all right?

-It was fun while it lasted but now it's finished.

-Ray...

Look, I need you to just be classy and just walk away, all right?

But, Ray, I love you, Ray. Don't that mean anything? Please.

I'm sorry, all right?

Look, it was never going to work, man.

We're just too different.

Ray!

Ray, don't leave me!

-Get off.

-It's all right, darling.

Get off!

-Look, this is for the best, Kim. I promise you.

-For the best?

-This is all your fault.

-My fault?

Look, we were OK before you decided to come into our relationship.

Before you decided to ruin the best relationship I ever had in my life.

I didn't decide anything!

Just because you couldn't stand the fact that I was happy.

You couldn't stand the fact that I fell in love.

And look at you, huh? Angry, miserable.

No husband, no children, no nothing.

I don't want to see you again.

I want you out of my life and I want you out of my house.

Kim...

Kim!

SHE SOBS

-You know, I didn't realise the Post Office had so much history.

-Urgh!

-What?

-You got the riveting Post Office lecture.

Ayesha, Ayesha, you're here.

-And it is riveting, actually.

-I found it interesting.

-Thank you.

OK, Ayesha, it's very, very exciting. Would you like some rice?

-Here, let me.

-No, it's fine, I can manage. There you go.

Hey, guess what I found out today.

There are still people in this country, yeah,

who haven't heard of Led Zeppelin!

-Ayesha.

-Eh? Ah? See, this is the problem with sheltered environments.

Creating young Britons unequipped to deal with the real world.

I think it's an outrage.

You know what, nobody cares what you think, yeah?

Nobody cares about your stupid music groups either.

-Something troubling you, Basanti?

-Actually, there is something...

OK, all right, yes, shall we just go through to the kitchen

and check on the rest of the food, shall we?

Thank you, everyone.

-What's the matter with you?

-He's all over her.

That's why I've separated them, and that's the way they'll stay.

So for tonight, can you just serve the food, top up the drinks,

and leave it to me!

-OK, I'm fine.

-You're not fine, Zainab.

Just pull your head in and let me handle things, OK?

Oh, you're very sexy when you're commanding.

There we go.

-That looks good.

-Lovely.

Hello, darling.

You all right, Abs?

Here, come and sit down.

-What?

-What?

DOORBELL RINGS

Do you want to get that?

No, I'm going to lay the table.

I'll get it then.

No, no, I'll go.

-I'm laying the table.

-She's always getting the door.

-Oh.

I'm sorry.

I should have trusted you.

So...

I'll see you tomorrow?

Who was that, Abs?

-Jay.

-Did he get the hairdryer treatment an' all, did he?

She frightened the life out of me.

Come on, darling, come and sit down. Here you are.

-Abs, I'm going to sort this stuff out with Kirsty.

-Really?

Yeah. We're a family, aren't we?

-That looks really nice.

-Thanks.

-All right.

Let's get stuck in, shall we?

You did not. You are absolutely lying.

-Did I never tell you this?

-You never met Chris Martin!

Do you even know who Chris Martin is?

-Yes.

-I did.

When?

Four or five years ago.

I was in Oxford on a works thing.

It was a sunny day and I decided to walk back...

to the hotel.

And?

And I saw this guy changing his tyre, and he was struggling a bit,

so I decided to give him a hand.

We got chatting, he said he was in a band. What are they called?

-Coldplay.

-There you go.

-Unbelievable.

-Was he a nice bloke?

-Yeah, yeah.

Really lovely. Really normal.

His spare was a bit flat, but no-one's perfect.

You know, I thought he'd have a better car than that... Zainab!

-Have we got any pudding?

-Yes, of course.

-OK.

-Fine.

-Is everyone ready?

-Yes, please.

-OK, I'll bring it in.

-What was it?

What kind of car was it, you liar?

Uh...

Dad, what kind of car was it?

I don't remember.

Ha-ha!

Oh...

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