29/04/2013 EastEnders

HE WHISTLES

White...

Which ones? Oh, no, no, leave that. That's fine.

You can take the morning off, actually, cos Janine's having her.

-SCARLETT GURGLES

-Yeah, she is. Do you want a pink one? Yellow?

Ain't you got anything better to do on your day off?

This house ain't going to clean itself, is it?

I've got a splitting headache. I could murder a fag.

Lauren, are you bothering to go to college today or what?

God knows how she learns anything. She's never there.

That's all right, Mum, just leave it all out, cos the magic cleaning fairy, she'll come along,

-put it all back together.

-Ooh,

someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning.

-Sorry.

-What's up?

Lauren. She came back in a right state again last night, Mum.

I don't know what to do with her. Honestly, she...

-That's odd. I could've sworn there was more of these left.

-What?

My cancer painkillers.

Maybe you chucked 'em out.

No, there was. There was, Mum. There was definitely another whole strip.

-Lucy?

-Yeah?

-Can I have a glass of water when you've got a minute, please?

-Yeah, sure.

-Two teas to go, please, Ian.

-New suit and tie? Who are you trying to impress?

-Well, that Ava ain't a bad lot, is she?

-She ain't my type.

Men like us don't have a type, Ian.

I'll bring your teas over. I need a word with Janine.

About that loan?

Thought you sorted that last week. I wouldn't bother her today.

She's got enough on her plate. Got a custody meeting with Michael later.

Who are you today? Tea boy or director of communications?

-Billy, see you back at the office.

-Janine, hold on. I need a word with you. Put the lids on yourself.

-Where are you going?

-Back in a minute!

-Is everything OK?

-Yeah, fine. Thanks.

Are you absolutely certain?

Yeah, I'm positive. Someone's taken them, Mum.

PHONE RINGS

Sharon.

I'll call her back later.

Well, it's not likely to be Abi, is it? She thinks aspirin's dangerous.

Right, I'm off. See you later, yeah?

-What?

-Nothing. No.

-Not a very child-friendly door, that, is it? I need you to watch Scarlett.

-I'm working.

-So am I.

-Where's Alice?

She's got the morning off. This is cool, though, isn't it - me just dropping in like this?

-Maybe a phone call might've been nice.

-Scarlett takes priority over business. That's unfortunate.

-You'll adjust.

-I don't see you cancelling your meeting.

-Do you have any idea how many meetings I HAVE cancelled lately?

-Please. Spare me the martyrdom.

-Fine. I'll get someone else to look after her, then.

-No.

No, it's fine.

Great. Thank you. Everything you need's in the bag. All right?

Surprised you haven't brought an instruction manual.

Just be patient. She'll get used to you.

-She's tetchy at the moment. She hasn't been sleeping.

-How come?

She's teething, I think. She's...

She's finding all this very disruptive, so... Thanks.

Hi.

Here y'are. B!

Oh, cheer up, will you? It's not like Liam's on the other side of the world, is it?

I know. Less washing, less ironing. One less mouth to feed.

I do miss him, though. I know he's safe but now I'm worrying about Tiff and Morgan.

-Kane's in custody.

-And what about the ones that ain't?

They're nothing without their ringleader. Come on, you won.

I know, I know.

I just want to put it all behind me.

-All right, today's going to be a good day, Kat. I can feel it in my bones.

-That's it. Good girl.

Come on. Lovely!

Hmm? Yummy!

Yummy!

What did Ian want earlier? Still banging on about the Emporium?

He just doesn't let up. I mean, can he not see I've got other things to deal with?

Come on. Look. Hey, Mummy likes it.

Mmm!

She's supposed to be eating it, not wearing it.

She just keeps spi... Spitting it out.

That's her teeth playing up, ain't it? Poor little thing. Lex is off her grub, as well.

I just... I think she's had enough.

Course she ain't. Look, she wants more - you can see.

-No, I think it's time for a nap.

-Janine, she's just woken up.

Why don't you just play with her for a bit? Here, look.

And who the hell are you? Supernanny?

Come on, in you go.

Now, are you going to be a good girl for Mummy while she works? There we go.

Hey, hey, hey...

I think you'll find she's puked up.

But she's still smiling, though, ain't ya? Yes, she is...

JANINE, ON MONITOR: 'You pick her up. I'll get the wipes.'

-BILLY:

-'No chance. She ain't my baby.'

'Pick her up, Billy, or you're sacked!'

Lauren.

All right? Is Joey there?

Haven't seen him since earlier this morning.

-PHONE RINGS

-Did he say anything to you about us?

One sec. Just... Hi, Mum...

Yeah, no, no, it's fine. I can talk.

Just give me one sec...

I'm really sorry, Lauren. I hope you and Joey sort everything out.

She just won't settle.

Relax. You're all tensed up.

Will you stop telling me what to do?

'Who am I kidding? I don't know why I ever came back.'

I'm still the world's worst-ever mum.

No, you ain't.

I can't even do this for an hour - let alone 24/7.

Maybe she's better off where she is after all.

SCARLETT CRIES ON MONITOR

DOORBELL RINGS

Hey. I've been ringing you.

-Oh, right. I've been a bit busy.

-Poppy said you had the day off.

-What's with the bags?

-We are on a mission, Tan.

-Are we?

-Yep. For the school cake sale.

-I'm sick of the other mums looking down their noses.

-Didn't know they did.

-I told 'em.

I said, "Some of us have to work for a living."

It's all right for them - nothing better to do than watch daytime TV and bake cakes.

Hang on a minute. Who said what, exactly?

Oh, it's just whispers at the school gate.

Anyway we are going to show 'em and bake enough cakes to feed an army.

Right, well...

come in, make yourself at home.

SCARLETT CRIES

I know what I'm doing.

-I ain't saying nothing.

-Haven't you heard of controlled crying?

Controlled crying? Yeah, right.

Hello.

-Hi.

-How's she been?

Good as gold.

-She's crying.

-I know - typical, isn't it? The minute you walk in.

She likes that.

Thanks for having her.

As if you need to say that.

-I'm glad we're on these terms, though.

-What terms?

-Being civil and doing what's best for her.

-Of course. I only want what's best for Scarlett.

Very good. Let's maintain that today at the meeting, shall we?

See you at one.

-Lauren, what can I get you?

-I just need to speak to Lucy.

Has Joey been in?

-I'm busy.

-His phone's off. Do you reckon he's avoiding me?

-I don't know. Why don't you ask someone that cares?

-Did something happen at the pub?

You were too drunk to remember anything, weren't you?

I'm guessing Joey's in one of his strops, then?

You know, you should really try to not get wasted every night.

-All right! I don't need a lecture.

-Do you want to end up in hospital again?

OK, whatever. Can you just tell me what happened, then? Please?

Um, you were embarrassing. You were out of control.

You started shouting your mouth off at the entire pub.

And then when Joey tries to look out for you, you just humiliate him.

But you know what? It's probably better if you hear it from him.

A lousy tenner for a whole morning's work.

Good job one of us is on a roll. I made over a ton.

Don't be like that. You're partners. You're not in competition.

Still need to get my selling mojo back, though.

-We're doing all right. It works.

-You trying to say I can't flog as much gear as you?

-No, I'm not saying that.

-When I used to have my own stall, some days I was raking it in.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You've had a lot on your plate.

-And times have changed, what with the recession. No-one's got any money.

-You patronising me now?

No, I'm not. What I'm saying is, I couldn't do this without you.

-You've been brilliant at all the other stuff.

-Like fetching and carrying...?

Ordering. Choosing stock. Knowing what works. We're just...

good at different things, that's all. I've got the banter...

Am I going deaf here or what, with this one blowing her own trumpet?

The thing is, I'm not really in the mood.

-Got some recipes online.

-You're not listening to me at all, are you?

Come on, Tan, I'm here now. So the sooner we crack on...

-Sticking the oven on would be a good start.

-Right. 180?

-Yeah. Sounds about right.

Damn it, Tan. I knew there was something - I've forgotten the icing sugar.

Um. Bottom left cupboard.

I said "bottom".

What am I like? In one ear, out the other.

Trouser that, will you? The other half's in the pushchair.

I'm not even going to ask.

Michael, good luck.

Don't believe in luck.

-Thanks.

-Alice, is Joey OK?

-He's been better.

-I'll text him later.

What's wrong with you today, then?

Nothing. I'm OK.

You just seem a bit distracted - that's all.

And why did you follow Janine out earlier?

I thought she hadn't paid for her breakfast - that's all.

OK, well, the rubbish isn't going to take itself out.

-That's all right. Carol can do it.

-Yeah, right, cos I've got six pairs of hands(!)

Steady on! this isn't The Great British Bake Off.

You know me, Tan, don't like to do things by halves.

We're just raising some cash for the school, aren't we? Not feeding half of Walford.

Tell you what - why don't you go and put your feet up and I'll make us a cuppa?

No, it's all right. Might as well do it myself.

Oh, I can't believe it.

Oh, see, that's the last of them. That's a shame.

-Really? I'll go to the shop.

-Eh?

Actually, Tan, would you mind popping over the road?

-Seriously, what did your last slave die of?

-I'll clean the mess up.

No. D'you know what, Sharon? I'm sorry, I can't. I'm done here.

I've got other things on my mind. And... DOOR OPENS

Lauren? Lauren, is that you?

I'll be back in a bit.

-Everything all right?

-Yeah, why wouldn't it be?

You don't have a clue, do you?

About last night? You came staggering in through the door, crying your eyes out.

You threw up on the kitchen floor.

Why was I crying?

You said something about Joey dumping you. He called, actually, to make sure you got home all right.

Oh. Well, that's a good sign, then, isn't it?

-How can it be a complete blank?

-I need to go and find him.

How'd you manage to get in such a state?

I dunno. I obviously just don't know my limits, do I?

Yeah? Are you sure that's all it is?

Come on, then. You've obviously got something to say, so why don't you just say it?

-Some of my painkillers have gone missing.

-What painkillers?

My strong ones, from when I had cancer.

What, and you think I've taken 'em?

-I don't know what to think.

-What?!

Just because I like to have a good time and a drink, all of a sudden I'm a pill head?

-No, that's not what I'm saying.

-Are we even having this conversation?

They didn't just vanish into thin air, did they?

Mum, I need to go.

Look me in the eye and tell me you never touched those pills.

I don't need this, Mum, all right? Not today.

All right. I never.

You satisfied?

Why do you always think the worst of me, Mum? Why?

-I've got to go.

-Eh?

Yeah, phone call. Delivery at the R&R. They got their dates mixed up, apparently.

-Oh, right.

-Sorry about the mess, darling. OK? See you soon.

-Yeah.

Thanks(!)

-I didn't order anything.

-It's on the house.

Thanks. I ain't hungry, though.

Well, you've got to eat. Have you seen her today?

OK, well, she's looking for you and she still doesn't have a clue what's going on.

She was too wasted to remember.

I just can't deal with this, Luce.

Why does she have to get like that all the time?

I don't even know where that girl is sometimes.

I can't help but think that it's kind of my fault.

I did buy her a vodka.

-What am I meant to do - refuse my mate a drink?

-She...

She said you spiked her drink.

What?

Don't be ridiculous. She asked for that. Do you really think I'd do it?

-It's not my fault she can't control herself.

-Can we just change the subject now?

Drink in moderation like the rest of us.

I said I don't want to talk about it no more.

This isn't easy for me either. She's my mate.

I care a lot about the both of you.

And I know it hurts but...

it's probably for the best.

I'm here for you, OK? Any time,

as your friend, and I mean it.

Well, well, well. All VERY cosy.

-My granddaughter's looking for you.

-So I hear, Cora.

Tea, please, Lucy. If you can manage to tear yourself away for a couple of seconds.

Michael, this is my solicitor, Simone Turnbell.

How do you do? Norman Pike.

-Hi.

-Let's get started, shall we?

I thought we could start by tearing that up.

Michael tells me that you are willing to agree to a mutually beneficial arrangement -

something of minimal disruption to Scarlett's routine.

I want whatever's best for Scarlett, naturally, yeah.

I'll admit - initially when Janine resurfaced, I was a bit guarded

and possibly over-protective. I hold my hands up.

Our marriage was a sham, so I don't want Scarlett to be affected by that.

I agree.

Great. So that's why I really embrace her having two parents again.

And, er, it'd be good to share the workload, actually.

Bit of a relief.

Great. We're both on the same page for once.

Let's hear the proposal.

It's a simple one, really - we just remain as we are.

She's happy. She has a routine. She's... She has her activities.

She's at the toddler gym now with the babysitter.

You would see her twice a week.

Again, we can be really flexible about that...

as we were this morning.

And what about my house?

Michael does have matrimonial home rights...

Yeah, to be fair, it is your house. I wouldn't want to live there forever.

But for the moment, at least, it does make sense. Fair?

We won't be tearing this up, Mr Moon.

If I believed that Scarlett would genuinely benefit

from being just with you solely, I would withdraw.

But I can't do that, you see, because she means too much to me.

I'm completely straight with you now. I'm being honest and straight.

You forgot something.

You don't know the meaning of the word "straight".

There you go. You'll look gorgeous in that with your figure. Have a good night. Ta-da, darling.

What part of, "We don't do refunds" do you not understand?

No. That's a popular skirt. You could've got that anywhere.

Seeing as you're a regular - we don't usually do this - how about a credit note instead?

-No, she's mouthing off, giving it large.

-I want my money back!

-Give us a minute, yeah?

-Bianca, she's one of our best customers.

-She's trying to have us over.

What if she told her mates not to bother coming back here?

Then her mates tell their mates... D'you get my drift, yeah?

I'll just do you that credit note.

Well, Alice must've put it there.

I know she's grown fond of the child but...

admittedly, that is a bit weird.

Oh, I love watching you squirm.

It doesn't change anything, though. Changes nothing.

-You don't trust me.

-Do you blame me?

Sorry, can we get back to the business in hand?

Yeah, we can. Admit it.

You're not fit to take care of the child.

Now, there we go - that sounds more like the Michael I remember.

-Which is why you should agree to my terms.

-I'm not the same person I was when I left.

Janine was suffering from post-natal depression.

Oh, please. Not with that hoary old chestnut again.

She wasn't post-natal depression. You couldn't cope.

Janine didn't abandon her baby on a whim. She was sick.

And it was a sickness that you partly drove me to.

-Now, hang on...

-No, no, go on.

All those days I was in hospital, on my own, week after week.

Then we finally did bring baby Scarlett home, Michael,

you avoided the house like the plague. I didn't know where you were half the time.

But then maybe I should have expected it with your track record.

-What does that mean?

-Well, you've already left another man to father Tommy.

You getting all this in your little leather book?

-You never know when we might need that.

-Oh, threats now? Lovely.

I'm sure we can settle this quietly, quickly.

-If you could just consider Mr Moon's terms...

-No.

-He is the sole carer in your absence.

-I don't care.

I don't care. And I'm willing to do anything -

whatever it takes to get Scarlett.

If that means going to court, then so be it.

Could I just have five minutes alone with my client?

-Feel free.

-No, no, forget it. The meeting's over now. I've had enough.

-Don't you want to hear what I've got to offer?

-No, I don't cos you can spin it all you like...

..but I was the one - it was me that picked up the pieces.

Not you. Me. I'M the one!

And if you think you can swan back in here and just take her...

I won't let you.

Hi...

Look, just hear me out, all right?

Last night, I messed up - big time.

Lauren, I ended it with you last night and you don't even remember.

What's that say to you? Eh?

I'm sorry.

It's not me you should be saying sorry to, is it?

Lucy. You accused her of spiking your drink.

You don't do that to your mates, Lauren.

Yes. Yes, I remember. She did! She spiked my drink. She did this to us.

Listen to yourself, please.

Sly cow! She's wanted this all along.

Yeah. Right. Well, you know what, Lauren?

I'm sick of all these excuses now.

You've only got yourself to blame this time.

This isn't my fault. I'm telling you, it's not.

D'you know what? Why don't we just forget it?

Forget about last night. We can make it work, can't we?

I know we can.

My mum told me that you called.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I did call, Lauren.

I called to make sure you weren't lying in a gutter somewhere or something.

Look at me, Joey.

-No.

-Joey...

-No, Lauren.

Will you just...? Will you just go, please?

Come on, you've made your point. I promise, I won't do it again.

I ain't playing games here, Lauren. I ain't just mucking around.

It's over. I meant what I said last night. It's over. For good.

You can't end it like this after everything we've been through.

I don't make you half as happy as you think I do, Lauren.

-Yes, you do.

-Yeah?

Do I? Then how come you have to get so paralytic all the time you don't even know what day it is?

Eh? I can't ever just relax, can I, with you, Lauren?

I'm just wondering what sort of state you're going to end up in.

-You nearly killed us both in a car crash. Remember that?

-Why are you bringing that up?

-It's just...

It's just one thing after another with you.

Well, I... I'll change.

No.

It's too late.

Don't say that. Don't say that, because you love me. I know you do.

Yeah. You know what, Lauren? Maybe I do.

I just can't keep watching you do it to yourself, babe.

I can't.

But I love you - doesn't that mean anything to you?

What about when you do that thing with your hand where you tuck my hair behind my ear...

Ssh. Don't.

Don't, babe. Don't.

Look, just give me another chance, OK?

You tell me what to do and I'll do it. Please!

-Accept it.

-No!

No, Joey, please...

Just...

Just accept it. Please.

Is this how you want it to be, then?

I'll see you in court.

A long, drawn-out process could take months.

-And cost thousands.

-You know I don't have any money.

I never said that I wasn't willing to settle out of court.

What's your offer?

Scarlett stays with me in my house.

You get to see her as and when I agree.

And I won't ever ask for a penny.

No.

And there's one more thing... I'd want you out by tomorrow.

-You're insane.

-OK. That's fine.

Then I'm going to go for no access and full maintenance payments.

I'm going to spend every last penny getting Scarlett back.

You're going to end up broken and childless, Michael.

That's my offer. Take it or leave it.

You've got 24 hours.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd