09/05/2013 EastEnders

That wasn't very clever.

Just go to sleep. Please.

SCARLETT CRIES

Shush. No, no, no. Come on.

Come on. Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. Come on.

Oh! I thought I'd be the last.

Lauren just popped home for a sec.

OK. Well, to Lauren and her new job.

If she ever turns up.

Where's Roxy?

She's upstairs getting changed. Look, Kat, she asked you to go.

Please go. Because I just can't take the stress any more!

I want the cash.

There is a packed pub full of people downstairs.

All I've got to do is scream.

It's noisy. They won't hear you.

Oh, they'll hear me!

Open the safe.

< Roxy? What are you doing?

Jean. Jean! (No, no.)

I'm just getting the change. I'll be down in a minute.

Right, see? Now, I've got a pub to run.

So, what are you up to tonight? As a single person?

See, when you break your legs when you're roller skating...

Oh! The bitterness of the terminally single. Ha ha.

MOBILE BEEPS

Oh.

Oh, I don't believe it! Has he stood you up again?

-What are blokes like, eh?

-He's not stood me up.

Well, you aren't going to go on a date dressed like that, are ya?

Janine, would you mind ringing our bell, please?

-I need Whitney to babysit.

-She's gone out.

-So go and get her.

-Oi! Don't talk to her like that.

-Sorry, did the dishwasher say something?

-Change your own nappies.

If Whitney can't do it, Auntie Bianca's has to do it, right?

Well, Auntie Bianca is busy, actually.

JANINE SIGHS

-She having a laugh?

-Ignore her.

I called it off.

I give you one more minute.

Give me the money!

Didn't your mum teach you to say please?

Kat, go and get the kids. Go and get the... Oww!

I'm not leaving. You're leaving. Let her go.

-Tell your friend to open...

-She's not my friend.

-Kat...

And you're not my friend either. But my little boy's next door.

So let her go and get out.

Look, I thought you was a nice bloke.

You know, you're working hard, you send your money home to your family.

-I need the cash.

-What, and this is how you're doing it?

You're doing this cos you've had a drink. You're not thinking straight.

I've done some stupid things when I've been drunk

but I've never wanted to rob a pub.

Come on, let her go.

You won't get an invite to your daughter's wedding.

Amy!

-(Amy.)

-Hello darling, couldn't you sleep?

This lovely man here was teaching your mummy how to dance.

That's enough now, you can go.

Sorry.

-Oh, just five minutes, Billy.

-I'm having my dinner, Janine.

Oh please, I've got an emergency at the R&R.

What emergency?

I just really need you to look after my daughter...

-You need to keep her moving. Michael used to walk her about.

-Thank you.

Can rely on you to point out the obvious.

Janine, I'd love to help you. But I'm busy.

-Since when did you have a life?

-Excuse me!

Please, keep walking.

Why don't you ask Alice, see if she'll come back?

Michael's little fan club? I don't think so.

Thanks for absolutely nothing, Billy.

See, your eyes are the windows to your soul.

Which is why you always need to make sure you've got nice curtains.

He's stood me up, hasn't he?

Will you have a bit of faith, please?

He hasn't even met me and he's already stood me up.

(Just trust me, all right?)

This is NOT a date.

Just... just breathe and go with it. Just breathe go with it...

-Just breathe?

-Come on.

I bet you've all been laughing at me.

Running around, making a fool of myself.

No one's been laughing at you.

Well, you'd have let me go out in that top, wouldn't you?

Yeah, cos it looked lovely on you.

Fancy selling it to me. And letting me buy that lipstick.

Mum, you're only as old as you feel.

All right well, you tell that to Ian Beale.

Is this cos of what he said?

(MIMICS IAN) "Don't want people put off their dinner."

That's just Ian for you. Take no notice. He can't help himself.

It's like a condition.

Look at me, though. I'm in my fifties, you know.

Thinking of going roller skating in a top meant for a teenager?

Change the top.

Ah! Oh right, so you DID think it looked stupid.

No. I think you're scared.

-I do, cos you've met a new bloke and you know he likes you.

-Does he?

Yes, course he does. You're a right catch.

Better than that moany old thing he used to be married to.

Look, if you don't want to go roller skating, just tell him!

Anyway, I'd be careful at your age,

don't want to go breaking any bones, you old mother.

Just go and find him, will ya?

I've told him I've got food poisoning.

What you up to?

-They're dead to the world. The pair of them.

-You all right?

Yeah.

She'll wake up in the morning and think it was just a dream.

You knew, didn't you? You knew he was going to do that?

Like you said. I always invite trouble.

I'm going to call the police anyway.

No, there's no need. Look, everyone makes mistakes.

He won't come back here.

ROXY SIGHS

Kat...

..thank you.

-Bit scary though, innit?

-Yeah, a little bit.

I tell you what, if that was my Aunty Peggy, he would be out cold.

Why don't I go downstairs and help out for a bit?

And you stay up here with Amy and Tommy?

Only for half an hour. I don't mind.

-Yeah?

-Cheers.

I bought these things for you.

I've got a house full of things.

I'll just... I'll leave them there. Just in case.

-Come on. That's enough now. Come on.

-Sorry about earlier.

With those geezers, they go through your drawers,

-think you're hiding stuff, it's a nightmare.

-Come on.

Come on. Shush.

Oh!

-Shall I?

-Oh!

Ho, ho, ho, ho...

Oh. Is that better?

Is that better?

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

How are you?

WHITNEY LAUGHS

-Lauren!

-All right? Sorry, I took a bit longer.

-You look amazing.

-You meeting someone nice?

Don't let us keep you.

I was saying. We'll have to pop in for your first shift.

What? So you can all just laugh at me?

No. It's a night out, nice food. Joey, you should come?

Yeah, you could check out Ian's restaurant.

Yeah, it sounds good.

Lucy, you can get us a discount, right?

So, all of you just sitting on a table? Watching me work?

-I didn't mean it like that.

-Yeah, the four of us, night out.

We haven't done that in a while.

Yeah, uh...

Right, I ain't got a drink, so...

That makes a change.

Go and talk to her.

Me?

She's obviously hurting, and I can't get through to her. So...

I think she needs a bloke's opinion on... (Joey).

-I have got a life!

-I know you've got a life, Billy.

You know you've got a life. So, what does Janine matter?

Roxy just needs a minute. What can I get you, Lauren?

-Vodka.

-Right.

So, you both like ketchup.

And you both like films, don't you?

Not all films.

Yeah, but you like the cowboys ones. The Westerns, right?

Yes! Real men and strong women!

-Right?

-See?

Yeah, I mean we've got so much in common. I'm scared.

You both, erm... You both hate rom coms.

Me and Fats, we love romantic comedies.

No. No, no, no, no.

I only watch them... and I only found one of them funny.

Anyway - it's not important... it's not important...

-What is important is that you both HATE them. And I think that's... cute.

-Cute?

Yeah! it means you can, you know, hook up

and watch a little western, you know?

Yeah, and then we can get married

and have loads of kids and live in the kingdom of Walford...

Hi, hi! Is this a date?

YOU'RE the one should be on a date. You spent hours in that bathroom.

Took you five minutes, didn't it? To turn into your mum.

I've been looking everywhere!

I, um... need help with my homework.

Er, give us a look, then.

I've left my books at home, ain't I?

Hmm. Carol said you all had food poisoning?

JANINE CLEARS HER THROAT

Proper little Daddy's girl, isn't she?

She just needed someone different, is all.

I told you it was hard, right?

It's hard!

It took me... weeks.

Scrub that, it took me MONTHS to know what to do, finally.

-Poor you, coping all by yourself.

-Didn't mean it like that.

It's the difficulty I'm referring to, you know.

You get tired, you get grouchy and then the baby picks up on that.

And then you get locked into this spiral of being...

..it's hard. It's really hard. I get it.

She likes walks, you know. She likes going for walks.

She likes apple puree, you know, on your little finger, if you like.

And buses. She likes watching buses.

JANINE SIGHS

-You know where this'll end up.

-Yeah, well, if he ain't interested,

then I ain't going to bother trying to impress him.

-Thought you was broke anyway?

-Well, I convinced Wojciech

that it was a British tradition to buy a stranger

a drink on his birthday. Wojciech! Thank you!

You know you don't have to babysit me.

I'm sure Lucy's much more... interesting.

-You're interesting.

-And you're patronising.

-Why do you do that?

-What?

Push people away?

Because they all go anyway. So, I'm just saving...

I'm saving everyone some time.

He doesn't even notice me.

-He notices you.

-Does he? I mean, look at me!

-I got all dressed up tonight.

-And you look gorgeous!

-OK, come back over.

-I know.

What has she got, Tyler? Why does he want her now and not me?

I don't think he DOES want her.

That's not what it looks like.

OK, OK, if he does want her - and you want him -

then you've got to get yourself over there and fight, OK?

I mean, Whitney was with Fatboy. If I'd just thrown in the towel...

I just love him so much. I really do.

And I just - I want it to stop. And it won't stop!

-You all right?

-Yeah.

-I just got to change this barrel.

Tell Billy he's got a life.

Bianca?

You know? Actually, I think I might be OK with that homework.

Really?

Do you want to come and help me brush my hair?

Er... Yeah, it's your hair. It's lovely.

Nice to see Tiff's feeling better.

And you.

I'm sorry. I've ruined the evening.

Look, if you don't want to see me, you only have to say.

-I DO want to see you.

-Do you?

So...?

I was just...

I thought my family was thinking I was making a fool of myself.

My family think I make a fool of myself all the time.

And I don't care.

I bought new nose hair clippers and everything.

Oh, sorry, I've made a right mess of it, haven't I?

-No, you haven't.

-We've missed the film.

Terrible reviews. And roller disco?

Those kids would only steal our moves anyway.

-Oh, there is a grime night at the R&R.

-Oh!

Or...

..we don't have to go out at all.

I don't think I like grime.

OK.

Well, grime is... Grime.

Babe, we've got to get them out of this misery, man.

-I mean, look at them...

-I know. OK.

Guys. I was thinking...

Sometimes you go out for an evening, and it's not a date, but

you get on so well and the chit-chat just flows

and you think like, "Yeah, y'know this could go somewhere,

"this is like a date", even though it isn't, right?

And then other times, you go out for an evening and...

it's not like that at all.

So, what I'm trying to say is, if this is one of them evenings,

when it's not like the date that isn't a date,

but is like the date that is but, you know, isn't at all...

Then... then if you want to go home, then that's all right.

Great, cos I've got stuff to...

I've got some ironing to do, so... Bye, then. Have a good night.

And you, babe. Don't worry, baby, you tried.

Oh, sorry!

-What?

-Nothing.

Well, you're looking at me.

Why does everything have to be a battle?

-Like what?

-Like I'm after something.

You're always after something.

I'm not!

I was married to you.

Technically we're still married.

Not for much longer.

-You setting me free, are you?

-Setting YOU free?

-Now what?

-Why can't we be grown-ups?

Because that would be boring.

And this is you and me? We have to be different to everybody else?

Why are you being so nice?

-The day we got married...

-Don't say you're going to get all slushy on me.

I don't do slushy.

The day we got married...

It was full disclosure, you recall...

I told you all about Jean, I told you all about the money,

the faults, you know, all those horrible little truths.

And you took me on, faults and all.

I'm not going to get back with you, Michael.

I don't want you to get back with me.

No, no, no, I'm merely saying that you forgave me.

And I forgave you.

See, and everything else - it seems to me

that we can work through this and sort it all out between ourselves.

Together. You know, the allocation of time. Who gets what, the hours.

We can do it all like grown-ups.

Cos I think we're bigger than the people we think we are.

-So if you need help with Scarlett...

-I don't need any help with Scarlett.

Me and Scarlett are coping just fine.

-Yeah.

-Michael, thank you so much

for bringing these lovely things that you've got her.

I'm glad that they're already in a bin bag,

because it saved me the trouble.

Well...

You never cease to sink to your own expectations, do you?

-You don't have to do this.

-I don't mind.

-I tried that plug thing.

-Didn't work, no?

OK, Kat, thank you. You can get off now if you want.

Look, I really don't mind. Go upstairs and be with Amy.

You've had a shock...

-I'm not some little girl, you know.

-I'm not saying you are.

OK, well... Listen, Alfie's going to be back soon, so...

From a landlords' do? Yeah, right!

Is that what you're hoping?

-I hadn't even thought about Alfie!

-That's what you're hoping.

You're hoping he'll walk through the door and here you are, doing the washing up.

I'm just trying to help.

And then you'll tell him I had a spot of bother

and you had to come riding in to my rescue?

-It hadn't even crossed my mind!

-Is it that you're scared, because...

if me and Alfie DO have a baby, that's it.

It's all going to be over. There's no going back, is there?

But there is no going back. He wants you. Not me.

This is all in your head!

-I'm not going mad.

-Right...

That time when I went to see my dad. Last year.

-And you THREW yourself at him.

-I didn't throw myself at him.

Do me a favour! What did he do?

He told me that he loved YOU.

Right, well, there you go. Alfie is a one-woman man.

He didn't cheat on me with you, and he's not going to cheat on you with me.

Even if he wanted to. Even if I wanted him to.

He just wouldn't do that!

But that's what you think of me, yeah?

Like I'm trying to steal your thunder.

You needed help, so I gave you my help.

Wish I'd let you get robbed!

SCARLETT CRIES

Oi. Come on, come back and join us.

-Why are you being so nice?

-Because I'm your mate.

And they're your mates.

And mates count, sweetheart.

-What do you think you're doing?

-It ain't what you think.

-You were snogging her!

-No, I wasn't.

-Yes you were, I just saw you!

-Joey saw you an'all, didn't you?

-Tell her, Lauren.

-Joey, I'm talking to you.

-I didn't really see.

-Lauren!

Yeah, it was me. I just...

-I just threw myself at him.

-See?

Why? Why would you do that to me?

I don't know. I just... did.

After everything I've done for you! I got you that job and everything!

(I know.)

Do you know what, Lauren? Me and you. We're finished. We're over.

-What?

-You're supposed to be my mate! No-one knows who you are any more.

Looks like you get the job after all!

Wedding planning's back on then.

JANINE SIGHS

Brandy works quite well.

For you. Not for her.

Trouble in paradise?

It's been a long night, Janine.

Alfie hasn't gone back to his wife already, has he?

No. No, paradise is wonderful. Kat's moved on...

to Michael.

Michael's not with Kat!

Ah, did hubby not tell you?

You're slipping, Janine.

I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm trying to pull a fast one.

I didn't think twice about jumping into the rescue and helping her!

I could've got hurt. And SHE thinks I'm trying to pull a fast one.

-She thinks I've got a plan!

-Hmmm.

We're a pair.

It's never going to end, is it?

Come on. Come on.

What's the matter with you? You'll be all right.

You'll be all right.

Don't worry so much.

That is what your daddy thinks of us, Scarlett.

THAT is how much he loves you.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd