16/05/2013 EastEnders

'Mum!'

Hang on!

'Mum, you got any clean towels?

'Mum!'

There's some in the airing cupboard.

Sam, where are you going?

(Just wait over there.)

-What are you doing here?

-Sorry, but I was passing on my way home

and I thought I'd drop round some feedback forms.

-We're just having a family dinner.

-Of course, I won't keep you.

No, why don't you come in? Have a glass of wine.

I don't want to intrude on your evening.

Oh, don't be daft! She's not, is she, Phil?

I shouldn't drink.

Well, tea then?

Phil and I have decided to give it another go.

Congratulations.

Yeah, so I suppose this is like a little celebration.

All the family together.

Right, Lola?

Yeah.

DOOR SLAMS

Baby, I need you to go to the shop for me.

-What?

-The one on the High Street.

-Oh, Mum, that's far, man!

Yeah, but they do the ice cream that I like. Please.

All right.

Thanks.

Mum, why are you so nervous?

You know you don't have to be, innit?

Look, Mum, relax. You look lovely, all right?

All right, and you know what?

I'll try and make an effort with Billy, yeah?

All right.

-I'll see you in a minute, yeah?

-Yeah.

MUSIC PLAYER: # Then I'm gone Oh, heaven

# Oh, heaven I wait... #

(Sam!)

What're you doing here?

Was that Dexter?

I'll be having words with my brother.

Oh, this was definitely Bianca's work.

Subtlety's never been her strong point.

I wonder what she's got up her sleeve for next week?

You know, as we're here...

we could, erm...

Could what?

I-I-I didn't mean...

-Oh, no, no, no, course not.

-We could...

Go out?

Out. Exactly.

All right, give me five minutes and I'll get myself ready.

-Clock's ticking, Jean.

-Yes, all right, all right!

Sure?

Yes. No.

Yes.

Better start cooking then.

How did you find me?

Does it matter?

Why are you here then?

My dad died. The funeral was yesterday.

I haven't slept, just been walking around.

Thinking about everything.

How he walked out on me, how I did the same.

I know what you're thinking -

"Too little too late."

-That's an understatement.

-Course it is.

-How can I put it into words, what I did?

-Shall I do that for you?

20 years ago, you walked out on me

and our three-month-old baby and you didn't look back!

Do you remember the last thing you said to me?

"I'm just nipping out for a pint of milk."

Didn't struggle to phrase that one, did you?

I thought you'd been hit by a bus, attacked, mugged.

Which would've been better! At least we could have mourned you properly!

-Ava, I haven't...

-How dare you?

HOW DARE YOU...

just turn up here on some self-pitying whim

without even thinking what might be best for ME, or for Dexter?

-You're right.

-DOORBELL CHIMES

Just wait here.

Evening. Sorry, I'm a bit late.

I didn't know what wine to get, so I hope that's OK.

-Billy...

-Should've got red.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

All right. Well, can I come in then?

No. Sorry, can we reschedule?

It's all right, Ava.

I know when I'm being mugged off.

Billy, wait!

The truth is, someone I used to know has just turned up

-completely out of the blue and, to be honest, it's really thrown me.

-Who?

No-one important. I swear.

Can we do it another night?

Well, if that's what you really want?

Yeah, it is. I promise.

OK.

Won't be long. The oven's been staging a rebellion.

MUSIC PLAYER: # And I'll be yours to keep... #

Come on, Trish, tell us a joke.

Oh, I don't usually... I mean, I can never remember...

I'm winding you up, I've got one, right?

-Oh, no, here we go, here we go!

-DOORBELL CHIMES

Saved by the bell!

-OK. It's a funny joke.

-Don't tell it. Don't tell it!

-It's funny!

Hello, Philip.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

Why are you here then?

For my son.

My dad dying, it brought it home.

If I died tomorrow, Dexter wouldn't know a thing about it.

But I ain't in a box yet, so, maybe, just maybe, there's a chance to put it right.

No.

No?

Just "no"?

OK, so me turning up here out of the blue was a bad move. I get that.

But I couldn't get this voice out of my head and my heart.

It felt like it was going to burst if I didn't see him.

I'll come back, meet him on your terms.

Whatever you say.

You're his mum.

Yeah. I am.

I brought him up.

SHE SHOUTS: I was there!

It was me who watched him score his first goal,

standing on the sidelines with the other dads.

It was me who stayed up all night in A&E the night that he broke his wrist.

And it was me who fronted up to the local thugs when they were threatening to beat him up

because he didn't want to be part of their crew!

And THAT is when a knock on the door would've been so welcome.

But now that he's out the other side, now that he's all grown up,

now that he is a beautiful young man, guess what?

He doesn't need a dad any more!

-ROXY:

-Don't even joke.

-You can't just barge in here.

Ooh, you got quite a harem.

I'm Lexi's social worker.

SHIRLEY LAUGHS

-Shirl, come on.

-Yes, that's my name.

I'm his ex.

Oh, right.

That's what we're like round here, we're really friendly.

Like one big happy family, eh, Phil?

That's right.

Oh, you're asking me to stay?

Yeah. Yeah, why not.

So, this is nice, eh? Me and you, out.

Just cos Whit took the kids to McKlunky's, don't take that as a signal, all right?

What are you two doing here? You're supposed to be...

Yes, thank you, Bianca.

Yeah, we get the idea,

but we'd prefer to make up our own minds about how we spend our time.

Don't you like to...? Films, watch films?

Films are great.

I love films just as much as the next person. It's just...

What?

-We like to chose our own films.

-Yeah, exactly.

Oh, great! Never going to have tea at this rate.

I've got fish fingers at my home.

-I don't think this is a good idea with Trish being here.

-Why not?

The only person she can make a fool of is herself.

Besides, I ain't scared of her.

-TRISH:

-Right, thanks for that. I'll see myself out.

No, no, stay. I've got enough here to feed an army.

No, I'm sure Trish has got her own family to get back to, Sharon.

You're right, I really ought to...

-Well, I'm sure they can spare you for one night, eh?

-Just a small portion.

OK.

Do you remember when I used to throw meals like this Phil?

Quite similar really, innit?

Except we used to get a takeaway and burp at the table, eh, Rox?

Pie looks lovely by the way, Sharon.

-Thank you, Alfie.

-That's funny, that's not what you said earlier.

Oh, she's only winding you up.

-Talking of wind-ups, did Roxy tell you about our bet?

-Shirley!

Two months she gave you and Phil.

Now I thought that was really generous. I said two weeks.

-SHE LAUGHS

-It was a joke, come on!

Am I too late to put money on it?

Cos I reckon I could cash in here.

There you go, darling.

I'd like you to leave now.

Said it yourself - Dexter's a man now.

Can make up his own mind.

He'd tell you the same thing.

So why not let him?

He is MY son. Not yours!

It was always that way with you.

The day he was born,

I remember you gazing down at him like nothing else existed.

Afterwards, the closest we got was brushing shoulders in the hallway.

I'd just had a baby. Please excuse me if I wasn't up for it!

I don't mean that.

I'm talking about holding each other.

Intimacy.

Tenderness.

I am not having this conversation Not now!

-All I'm saying is maybe it wasn't black and white.

-Get out.

Get out!

NOW!

Who are you?

-Ah, our tasters have arrived.

-Tasters?

-SHE LAUGHS

-Oh!

-There you go, son.

-Thanks.

-What are you doing?!

-Tasting.

-Well, it's not ready yet!

-Flavours are a bit thin.

-Yeah, nice palate.

You might want to do something about that.

Oh!

I am so sorry about AJ.

Why he'd think I want to...

Yeah.

I mean, we haven't talked about it. I mean, us.

Well, there's nothing really to talk about is there?

Exactly.

Have I, erm...? Have I done something to offend you?

Course not.

-So, how's your...?

-Anyway, how's things? Oh!

-Oh, yeah, fine, you know what the caff's like.

-Busy?

Yeah, busy. Lunch time rush. Bacon sandwiches.

Tuna - that's always popular, of course.

And then there's the tea. Endless, endless rounds of tea.

What about you?

Oh, me, just the post. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Although I did come across a really aggressive dog.

-Yeah, what happened?

-Nothing.

There was a door between us. It just sort of barked.

A lot.

I bet she's got a chef out there.

I'm flattered, Shirley.

Alfie, what about that joke?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, OK, OK. I've got a joke. OK.

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

Do-you-think-he-saw-us!

-ROXY:

-Alfie!

-THEY LAUGH

Yeah, tough crowd. OK, here's another one, right...

Look at her. Not a hair out of place.

Got a blow dry earlier.

Yeah, I bet you did. You plan everything, don't you?

Well, I like to be organised.

You'd never know, would you?

That she was all set to walk down the aisle with another fella

and say, "I do" and now she's shacked up with Phil.

Shirley...

No, it's fine. I'm sure Trish ain't interested in my love life, are you?

But did she crack?

No, she just carried on without a slip.

I've never been one to sit around feeling sorry for myself.

No, but there must be a crack in such a perfect front?

Come on, give some hope to the rest of us.

I never said I was perfect, did I?

No? Enlighten me.

What are you hiding?

Jack found out about your dark side, did he and called it off?

-Don't be ridiculous.

-I think it's time you left.

-No. It's just getting interesting.

-Go on, go.

Why are you looking so guilty?

You're the one who can't even see straight. I mean, you can't even sit upright. It's pathetic!

What did you say?

I mean, turning up at your ex's house cos you ain't got

a life of your own.

It's a bit weird, innit? You're weird.

Roxy?

Go home, Shirl?

Fine.

It'd be a relief.

Cos you lot are so boring!

Alfie, don't give up the day job.

So you're that brother that I see outside a minute ago, innit?

I was just checking the address.

So Mum, why didn't you say anything about him before?

I didn't even catch your name, you know?

-Jacob.

-Jacob.

And it's probably because it was in another lifetime.

I'm sensing stories, Mum.

He can't stay though. You were just passing through, weren't you?

Yeah.

Yeah, but if Billy ain't coming then we...?

I could stay a little longer...

So how did you two meet? Come and sit down.

We ended up in the same squat.

Wait, hold on. Back up. One sec.

Mum, you used to live in a squat?

I feel like I'm getting a headache.

Oh, no, you're not getting out of that one this easy, Mum.

Come and sit down. Chill.

I bet my mum had you all doing all the cleaning.

Getting out the rota and that. The hoovering and all of that nonsense.

Don't you believe it, your mother was wild.

Yeah? What kind of wild?

Last-person-standing-on-the- dancefloor kind of wild.

She had all the moves. Everyone used to form circles round her.

Mother?

He's exaggerating.

Remember the roof party?

We could see the whole of London up there.

It started to rain half way through, everyone went inside,

but your mother, she carried on dancing.

Got soaked to the skin.

No, Mum, you know what.

Why don't we let Jacob stay round for dinner?

You need to taste my mum's beef stew. It's bad, I'm telling you.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

But, I really should go.

No, no, no, man. Stay. Stay. Stay.

-Let him go, Dex.

-Another time maybe?

Not until I've heard more about my mum the raver.

-Dexter...

-What, Mum? What's the big deal?

I mean, we're talking about a bit of dinner.

Lola...

Thank you.

For what you said to Shirley - I appreciate it.

I didn't do that for you.

I did it so Trish wouldn't actually clock what was going on tonight.

What was you thinking asking her to come back here, eh?

Right, let's get this issue dealt with once and for all, shall we?

There.

No pills.

Rake through it if you want.

Right, what does that prove then, eh?

Fine, go upstairs, go through the bathroom cabinet.

Anywhere you want - be my guest.

No. No, I'm all right, thanks.

Then why don't you believe me?

Because Shirley's right, ain't she, eh? All this tonight...

What's it even about? It's too perfect and even then there's slip-ups, ain't there?

Well, like what?

For starters, you tripped up, didn't you?

And you blamed it on the booze but you were lying, wasn't you?

My pops saw you pour your wine down the sink.

SHARON LAUGHS

What?

Did you try it?

It tasted like battery acid.

I didn't want to offend Billy so I just pretended to have a glass.

Right, so how do you explain the trip then, eh?

These are new shoes, Lola.

Look at the heels - they're four inches.

I thought I could handle them in the shop. I was kidding myself.

Well, don't tell me you've never been there?

And yeah, I am tired, you know -

Lexi was up half the night teething.

It's knackering being a mum - you're going to find out soon enough.

Listen to me, Lola, I promised you I wouldn't put Lexi's safety at risk.

Or Denny.

I should thank you really - you gave me the wake up call I needed.

And I know how you feel. I really do.

But I wouldn't do anything to hurt either of our babies.

I swear.

Do you believe me?

Yeah.

Yeah? Come here.

Jean, I'm sensing timing's going to be an issue here.

-How much longer do you need?

-I've no idea.

You can't really tell the customers you have no idea.

Fine. Five minutes.

Have you seasoned these potatoes?

Right, that is it! All of you - out of my kitchen now!

Your kitchen?

Yes, Ian, for the purposes of this test. My kitchen!

Now!

Yes, Chef.

-Go on.

-All right!

Right. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi.

That was incredible.

You cook, Dexter?

Yeah, Mum's showed me a few bits and pieces.

You're going to make a woman very happy one day.

One day in the distant future.

I'm not down for none of that serious stuff now.

Sound like a man who's never been in love.

I'm just waiting for the right lady.

Too right.

So, Jacob, do you have any kids?

Sadly no.

And you only have the one?

Yeah. Dexter, my proudest achievement.

Boy, you know like, see

when you get perfection in one little package like this.

Realistically, why are you still trying?!

You don't need to.

You all right, Mum?

It's just my head.

Mum, sit down. I'll go and get the tablets.

When he comes back you make your excuses and you leave, understood?

Sorry about the entertainment, Trish.

Please, don't be silly. Thanks for dinner.

-My pleasure. Safe journey, yeah?

-Bye.

-Bye-bye.

Here she is.

Well, I'd like to propose a toast.

You've put on an amazing spread, despite the uninvited guests,

and you did it in your usual style.

I'm a very lucky man. To Sharon.

-To Sharon.

-Sharon, well done, sweetheart, nice one.

Thank you, Sharon.

I'm sorry that I couldn't stay later.

No, it's all right.

It's just I've got this early start in the morning and I got

a mountain of ironing to do before my shift at ten. Mind you...

Sorry, you don't need to know about that - it's boring, isn't it?

-No. No. It isn't.

-Yeah, it is.

Not as boring as the dog that barked story.

Let's go inside.

I can't - the kids and Bianca.

Sorry.

We could always try and avoid AJ and Tamwar.

Your place?

Is that a problem?

If it's all right with you.

It was really great to meet you finally.

-So, are we going to see you again, yeah?

-Depends.

-On what?

-I've got a few things in the pipeline.

All right.

-Bye, Ava.

-Bye.

-Mum, you need to definitely go and get his number.

-Why?

-He's perfect for you.

-Oh, don't be ridiculous!

Mum, he's way better than that Billy for you.

-I'm going to go and get his number for you now.

-No.

What's wrong - don't you like him?

I'll go.

May I present to you chicken stuffed with...?

Actually, no, I'll leave that as a surprise.

Chicken surprise?

Am I sensing a theme here, Jean?

I suppose so. But I am versatile.

I can cook meals without surprises...

Jean, I was only teasing, OK?

Lucy, what do you think of the presentation?

Yeah, it looks like something you might get in a restaurant.

Bobby?

It's yummy.

I'm sensing a bright future for you as a restaurant critic.

I'm going to be a plumber.

Jean...

You're the new sous chef at Le Square.

Congratulations. I'm really pleased you made the cut.

Yeah, cos you're too tight to pay anyone else.

Sam!

He is a great young man.

A credit to you.

Next time...

There is not going to be a next time.

You just stay away from me and my son for good.

And I will pick Amy up first thing in the morning.

-And what Shirley said... I'm sorry.

-No, it's forgotten.

It's been a lovely night, thank you, sweetheart.

The fish pie was wonderful!

Thanks for coming. I'm glad you liked it.

-Take care. Bye.

-See ya.

Oh, I am shattered.

Well done. Well done.

Listen, you go through there, put your feet up,

-I'll make you a nice cup of tea, yeah?

-OK.

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