30/09/2014 EastEnders


30/09/2014

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Transcript


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APPLAUSE

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We look like we work at a bingo hall in Southend.

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Just smile. We can ceremonially burn them later.

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Oh, look at you all!

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Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce my beautiful wife,

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Mrs Phil Mitchell!

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CHEERING

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Welcome to the family.

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Whoo!

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Shirl?

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All right?

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Yeah, I'm sweet. Yeah...

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It's you I'm worried about.

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You don't have to be here. You know, if it's too much.

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What's too much is that coach that Prince Philip

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and Kate Middle-aged have just arrived in.

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Aunt Babe said you went to the town hall.

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Yeah. That was about as useful as a glass hammer, weren't it?

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Are you sure you don't want to sit this out?

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What, and miss the wedding of the decade?

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Just give me five minutes and I'll get myself sorted.

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I'm not wearing one of them pink poxy shirts, either.

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It's just, you know, today means a lot to L.

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Oh, really? She never mentioned it.

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I just want everything to go exactly as planned.

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Oh, it will.

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I'll make sure of it.

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Where is he?

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What is wrong with you?!

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I honestly thought I was helping! Did you have to tell her now?!

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Oh, what, like I wouldn't have found out?!

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I don't remember domestic drama being on the order of service.

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What's the problem?

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If you get stuck today, girls, just remember my matron of honour

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mantra, the three Cs - cool, calm and collected.

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What's happened?

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Whatever it is, we're going to take it into the kitchen,

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before we lose another cake. Come on, you three. Now.

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Linda, we all set?

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Yeah!

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Hold the fort.

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I swear, if anyone messes this day up, there will be blood!

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Erm, right, I need to get my bags and get Amy from the Vic

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so I'll call you from the airport, OK?

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What about the wedding?

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I've got my own relationship to sort out, ain't I?

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I'll see you, OK.

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I'll see you.

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I was going to call you, actually.

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Oh, lucky me. I'm serious.

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I'm listening.

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Look, if you're going to apologise for standing me up, it's all right... No, I wasn't.

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Oh. Right, no. Of course not. Excuse me, could you just let me finish, please? Fine. Finish.

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Are you always this rude? Are you always this annoying?

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I knew telling you was a bad idea. I wasn't even going to bother.

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Telling me what?

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I don't want anything from you.

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All right, I just thought you had a right to know.

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Well, um... I have got a meeting at the gym

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and then I need to make my way to the wedding, so...

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..you've got my number.

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DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

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Why don't you want to go? It's a free meal.

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I don't feel like it. All right, you go.

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I'm not going to go without you and be a total loner, am I?

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Peter.

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I'm going to...get Beth's lunch ready before she cries again.

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You're probably angry with me for the way I ran off like that.

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What I did with Rainie - I'm not proud of it.

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Of...when it happened....

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Look. Yeah, I was angry. For a while. What's the point, though?

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We were all feeling so rotten after losing Lucy.

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We've all said and done stuff we didn't mean.

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Shall we just put it behind us?

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I'd like that very much.

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So, come on then. What did I miss?

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I changed a nappy.

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Everything sweet? No.

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Tosh and Dean have discovered a second use for the turkey baster.

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Disgusting. We were wasted. I thought I was doing 'em a favour.

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Lending someone a fiver's a favour. This is something else. Just hear me out!

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The whole pub'll hear you out if you don't keep your voice down. If, IF I'm pregnant,

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then the baby's going to have a link to your family,

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it'd have the same DNA.

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Do you not see how wrong that is?

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It's wrong, all right. Look, we haven't got time for this! I've got to introduce Sharon and Phil.

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L's right. This ain't the time or the place.

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You need to put this on ice till the after the wedding's over.

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Can you do that for me, please, Teen?

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Please?

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Fine. Good girl.

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And not a word of this to Shirley, all right? She's going to

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be down in a minute, she's got enough on her plate already.

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OK, everyone out! Babe's got to get these starters ready.

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Thanks. For sorting that out. No, no, this is your mess to sort out

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and you'd do well to remember where your loyalties lie.

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Tina's family.

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Now make yourself useful and look after your mother.

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She's going to need you today.

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Uh, excuse me! Excuse me, everyone!

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Right, ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom -

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Mr and Mrs Phil Mitchell!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Sharon, Phil.

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There you are. You took your hair down?

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Ah, yeah, sorry I just think it looks better with this outfit.

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Oh.

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No, they're mine! Oh, she can keep the flowers.

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Amy wins again, doesn't she, hey?

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Right, Aleks is waiting for us, OK.

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Look, I'm just really sorry I wasn't there.

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Don't worry.

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Yeah, you go and enjoy your holiday, yeah?

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Congratulations again.

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Amy, say thank you.

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No! Amy! Say thank you or no holiday!

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Thank you. You're welcome.

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See you later.

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Have a lovely trip, don't get sunburn! Come on, you. Wear that nice bikini.

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East-End Fruits De Mer Medley? What's that when it's at home?

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Cockles and whelks.

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Jellied eels would have been better. Still, what do I know?

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Nobody asks me anything.

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Sorry, no smoking in here, love.

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Oh, this place has really gone downhill.

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Abi, how many of those have you had?

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Two...three?

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Probably enough for now, eh?

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Oh, look, it's the fun police.

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Haven't you put enough of a downer on my day?

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Look, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

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You're wrong, anyway.

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I mean, you've barely been back five minutes, what do you know?

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Well, maybe that means I'm seeing things a little bit clearer

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than everyone else.

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INAUDIBLE

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Oh, do you want a top up? Yeah.

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GASPS

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Oh, sorry.

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Tina!

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It was an accident!

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Are you all right?

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Yeah.

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You need a top-up.

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Well, I hope it's not poisoned.

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No need. You've just married poison.

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I don't know how you sleep at night, with all that bitterness.

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Two bottles of vodka usually does it.

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You two ready? The photographer wants to do a family smash. Boys...?

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Lovely. Take that, Phil.

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Come on, Ben. All right, mate? Where do you want to go?

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Hey! Smile.

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I do not get it.

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Is he just, like, really good in bed or something?

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WHITNEY GASPS

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What?

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Oi, don't let it get to you.

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It ain't. Trust me.

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The ball is firmly in my court today and he knows it.

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What do you want? You said I had your number and I don't.

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Yeah, well, it hasn't changed. I deleted it. That's nice.

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You said you'd met someone else.

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That speaks volumes about us, doesn't it?

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But still. We should really talk about what we're going to do. We? We barely know each other.

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OK, so what? That's it?

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What do you want to do? Do you want to buy a house?

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Move in together? Get married?

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You don't even have my phone number.

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What's all the commotion about?

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Mrs B, come on, let's go back inside, they've got some food.

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No, thank you, Arthur. Not at the moment.

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How do you feel about being a great grandma?

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Oh, no! Oh, not another one the wrong side of the blanket.

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Ladies... Come on, in you get. Good girl.

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I trust I won't come back to find the place in bits.

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It's a market, technically, it's always in bits.

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Lots of different bits dotted up the street.

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Mr Masood, do not muck this up, yeah?

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Have fun.

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Luton Airport, please.

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I forgot my headphones. I'll buy you new ones. No, I'm going to go and get some.

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We're going away to talk. Why do you need headphones, huh?

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All right!

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Where's Tosh?

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Don't know, don't care.

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Has anyone seen Ian?

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Not since the service.

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What are you doing? I'll be back, OK?

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Sharon?

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Don't be long, yeah?

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I won't, OK?

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Leaving already?

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That's lasting almost as long as your marriage to Grant.

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You're only here for the free wine, so drink up and shut your trap.

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Come on, fag-ash Lil. Dinner's on the table!

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I'll be in in a minute, I've just got a quick phone call to make.

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Hello, Peggy, it's me. No, Ronnie cocked up, he's married the cow.

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And the wine is dreadful. What?

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Of course I will, you just e-mail it to me

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and I'll make sure they get it.

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Ian?

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Ian, my bridesmaid stood me up

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so there's a spare seat at the top table.

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I was hoping you might be able to fill it. Sharon, I...

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Look, I know how hard it is for you coming back here and facing everyone.

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But this is your home. You belong here.

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You need to show people that. She's right, Dad.

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Now, please come to the Vic.

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You'll have Peter and Cindy and Beth with you.

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And your brother will be there, you can have a proper catch-up.

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Well, I suppose... And I won't know if the food's any good unless you're there to taste it, will I?

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Go on.

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I wasn't going to shoot him.

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Not at first.

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It fell out of Sharon's overnight bag.

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And it was then that I realised that...

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it was meant for him.

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She was going to pay him back for everything he had done to her.

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And I thought...maybe if I showed him the gun...

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..he'd change his mind about the wedding.

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And?

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I didn't get the chance.

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And then I thought, these two bullets, they were meant for him.

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And unlike Sharon, I've got the guts to give them to him.

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He's not worth the bullets. Or the consequences.

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Yes, he is.

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Grow up.

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How many years have you wasted playing star-crossed lovers

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with this bloke?

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Well, guess what? He's married now and it's not to you.

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This, what you're doing - it's self-harm. And for what?

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For who? For Phil Mitchell? The bloke's a waste of space.

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Do yourself a favour and give me the gun.

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Give it to me.

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You're better than this.

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Fine.

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Shoot him.

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Go to prison.

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What do I care? It'll just be a few more years that we never

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got the chance to know each other.

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Dean!

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Thank you.

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I'll get rid of this later.

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Come on.

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Look, you can either stay up here on your own and let him think

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he's won, or you can come downstairs with me and stand your ground.

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I'm not weak.

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No?

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Prove it.

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Abi? Ab, are you all right?

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What? Tosh and Dean?

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Yep. In a cup.

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How is that even possible?

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Well, she would have probably had to have been stood on her head.

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Where's Sharon?

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Babe's pies had to come out of the oven because they were browning and now they're going cold.

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Good. I'll alert the kitchen. Right, come on, you lot.

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Come on.

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You know, I'm really glad that you changed your mind.

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Ladies and gentlemen, the main course is served.

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Puff pastry parcel with crushed potatoes and a parsley sauce.

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She means pie and mash!

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LAUGHTER

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Oi, oi, oi. Great bit of puff pastry, that is.

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Listen, I was sorry to hear about Lucy.

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INAUDIBLE CHAT

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Oh, sorry, Sharon, Phil - Patrick's not feeling very well,

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so we're going to just head off.

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Denise, if... Thanks for having us. We really appreciate it.

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And congratulations again.

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Congratulations, OK.

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KNOCK ON WINDOW

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Acting Market Inspector Tamwar Masood. Can I help?

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THEY SPEAK IN LATVIAN

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We're looking for Aleks Shirovs.

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Oh, he's on holiday.

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SHE TRANSLATES

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Can I take a message?

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SHE TRANSLATES

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Please tell him his wife and daughter look for him.

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OK...

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After everything we've talked about lately - our future, marriage...

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I just can't believe you'd go behind my back like this.

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It was a drunken mistake. We all make them, don't we?

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OK, so if this happens... if you are...then what?

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Then I guess I'm having a baby. Dean is my nephew!

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Do you not understand how many layers of wrong that is?

0:22:140:22:17

No. But that's my problem, isn't it?

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I've been sitting here going over it in my head,

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thinking I must be desperate or something.

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And if that is true, then there's a reason, ain't there?

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I don't know.

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I do. There's something I'm not getting.

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I want this baby because I want it to want me...

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..love me, need me...

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..and because I don't think that you do.

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I do love you.

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No. Love is something you can feel.

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It's like standing in the sun.

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You know when you're in it and when you're not.

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Ronnie, don't you think that maybe there's a reason why God has

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given you this baby?

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Look, Ronnie's right - we barely know each another.

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Yes, Charlie, but you don't know...

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And anyway, a baby needs a father.

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I think you're probably speaking to the wrong two people to argue

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that case, Dot.

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Well, maybe this is an opportunity...

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you know, for you two to make things right.

0:23:500:23:53

You know, be the parents you never had.

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And plus you've always got us, you know.

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I appreciate you all caring, I really do.

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I didn't come back here because I wanted to start a family.

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I came back here because I'm selling up.

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I'm leaving London for good.

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No, don't, Ronnie!

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I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dot.

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I really am. Charlie, you can't let her go like this.

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Why not?

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I wouldn't know the first thing about being a dad anyway.

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I've never really had one.

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You coming to help?

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I need a break.

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Seeing the happy couple out there's making my stomach turn.

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You're a better woman than me.

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I couldn't sit out there with that happening.

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Who said I'm going to?

0:24:470:24:48

How's the old bread and butter pudding?

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Yeah, it's good, good.

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Actually, Mick, it's panettone pudding.

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It's a bit more upmarket. Only the best for our wedding couple.

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Did you use organic ingredients?

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Obviously.

0:25:140:25:16

It's kind of funny to think I was going to get married.

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Nah, what's funny was seeing you getting hoisted

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out of the church over Dad's shoulder. Gutted I missed that.

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Ah, well, I can't wait to get married.

0:25:310:25:32

Well, obviously not yet!

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In a few years, when I find the right bloke.

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Shut it! Ah, I didn't say anything. Why you getting all defensive?

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What is the matter with you? You've had a face like a dropped pasty all day.

0:25:530:25:56

A what?!

0:25:560:25:57

It means you've been a bit miserable, that's all.

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Have you noticed Shirley in there?

0:26:050:26:06

Well, she's a bit hard to miss, babe.

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I just wonder what it must be like for her.

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Watching the man that she loves all over another woman.

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Why are we talking about this? Phil's made his decision.

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Well, I'm trying to point out the similarities.

0:26:240:26:27

What similarities?

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You're in love with Lola.

0:26:320:26:34

There you are. Jay, listen, come on, you're needed inside for speeches.

0:26:350:26:38

Jay?

0:26:380:26:39

Yes, all right. I'm coming.

0:26:390:26:41

Listen, is everything all right, Abs?

0:26:470:26:49

Abs?

0:26:510:26:52

Fine. Everything's fine.

0:26:530:26:55

Ladies and gentlemen, you all knew it was coming. The speeches.

0:27:110:27:16

You boys better watch your mouths, yeah?

0:27:200:27:22

All right, well, as first best man,

0:27:260:27:29

or best best man as I like to call it, I'll keep it short.

0:27:290:27:32

A bit like Phil.

0:27:320:27:33

Easy!

0:27:360:27:37

I wasn't talking about your height - a conversation I overheard

0:27:390:27:42

Sharon having with Linda, but I'd best not repeat it, eh?

0:27:420:27:45

I can vouch for that.

0:27:450:27:46

No, but in all seriousness, I just want to say that Phil was

0:27:460:27:50

good enough to take me in and I wouldn't change that for the world.

0:27:500:27:53

That being said, I didn't have to marry him.

0:27:530:27:55

Um, Sharon, I've got one word of advice

0:27:550:27:57

if you're going to spend every night with him for the rest

0:27:570:28:00

of your life and it literally is just one word -

0:28:000:28:03

earplugs.

0:28:030:28:04

I did have some other stuff, but it's just more of the same,

0:28:080:28:10

so I'd like to hand you over to the second best man, Ben.

0:28:100:28:13

I'm going to keep it short and sweet as well.

0:28:210:28:24

Um, it's no secret I've made some mistakes in the past and my dad,

0:28:260:28:32

well, he's always been there when I needed him...

0:28:320:28:36

and that's why, Sharon, I know you can rest assured,

0:28:370:28:42

you've got a good man there.

0:28:420:28:44

He's going to stand by you for life. No matter what.

0:28:460:28:49

To the new Mr and Mrs Mitchell.

0:28:530:28:55

ALL: The new Mr and Mrs Mitchell.

0:28:560:28:58

I've actually got some words that Peggy sent me

0:29:060:29:09

that she'd like me to read out, if you don't mind.

0:29:090:29:12

"My darling son, Phil, it breaks my heart not to be here with you today."

0:29:140:29:20

Aw!

0:29:200:29:21

"But nothing breaks my heart more than the idea of seeing you

0:29:220:29:26

"marry that no-good silly old tart..."

0:29:260:29:29

Someone's had too much buck's fizz, I think!

0:29:290:29:31

Excuse me, that's mine! Peggy asked me...

0:29:310:29:33

All right, Ben. Ben! I'll read it.

0:29:330:29:35

I'm sure we'd all love to hear what Peggy's got to say.

0:29:350:29:38

Sharon, Sharon, just leave it.

0:29:380:29:40

"Nothing breaks my heart more than the idea of seeing you

0:29:410:29:45

"married to that silly old tart.

0:29:450:29:49

"I'd like to say don't come running to me

0:29:490:29:52

"when it's all over, but you will.

0:29:520:29:54

"And I'll be the one picking up the pieces just like I was

0:29:540:29:59

"with your brother."

0:29:590:30:00

She goes on a bit.

0:30:020:30:03

Sharon, just delete it. It's rubbish.

0:30:030:30:05

Er, yeah, you're right. It's rubbish.

0:30:070:30:10

My phone!

0:30:100:30:11

Right, I'd like to make a speech of my own.

0:30:110:30:14

Oh, here we go.

0:30:140:30:15

It's no secret that Peggy and I have never seen eye to eye.

0:30:150:30:20

We've both gone more rounds than Mike Tyson.

0:30:210:30:23

Well, come to think of it, so have me and Phil.

0:30:230:30:26

But that's the reason we're here today.

0:30:270:30:30

The difference between us and Peggy.

0:30:300:30:32

The difference between my own mum

0:30:340:30:36

and dad, who, most of you know, ran the pub we're sitting in for years.

0:30:360:30:40

And it's called forgiveness.

0:30:420:30:43

There's not one person in this room who hasn't done something

0:30:440:30:48

they regret.

0:30:480:30:49

So, I'd like to propose a toast.

0:30:520:30:55

To fresh starts.

0:30:550:30:56

ALL: Fresh starts.

0:30:560:30:57

APPLAUSE

0:31:000:31:02

Emma, it's Peter Beale. Yeah, I'm good, thanks.

0:31:090:31:12

Erm, have you got a sec? Peter?

0:31:120:31:14

Sorry, I'll call you back.

0:31:150:31:17

Are you going?

0:31:190:31:20

I've got a bit of a headache, so I'm going to...

0:31:200:31:23

I could come with you if you want?

0:31:230:31:25

Stay. Enjoy the party.

0:31:250:31:27

Your hair looks nice.

0:31:300:31:32

Hey. Are you coming back in?

0:31:350:31:37

Come on, then.

0:31:390:31:41

Um... I just need to quickly go and talk to Peter.

0:31:410:31:44

Look, I thought we were giving this a go.

0:31:440:31:47

Yeah.

0:31:480:31:50

Come on, then.

0:31:500:31:51

I'm sorry. Apology accepted.

0:31:530:31:56

No. No, I'm sorry. I mean, I...

0:31:560:31:58

I can't do this any more.

0:31:580:32:00

I mean, whatever this is...this.

0:32:000:32:02

Is this a joke?

0:32:040:32:06

No.

0:32:070:32:08

You're a little girl.

0:32:120:32:13

You're a stupid little girl who spends her time running after

0:32:150:32:19

a stupid little boy whose dad just happens to love a brass.

0:32:190:32:22

Like father, like son, I guess.

0:32:240:32:26

Anyway, I don't think I could have said it better than Sharon,

0:32:350:32:38

but that's exactly what today is - it's a fresh start.

0:32:380:32:41

And I couldn't have picked a better woman to make it with.

0:32:410:32:44

Oh, Phil.

0:32:480:32:49

I hope you don't mind me butting in,

0:32:510:32:52

but I've got a little speech of my own, if you don't mind.

0:32:520:32:55

Shirl. No. Go on, Shirley. Let's hear what you've got to say.

0:32:550:32:59

Not unless you want to tell Sharon?

0:32:590:33:01

Why don't we all just...? No.

0:33:040:33:06

Tell me what?

0:33:080:33:09

You said you picked the better woman.

0:33:130:33:15

So why did you sleep with me last Friday?

0:33:160:33:18

Hello, I'm Sophie Long with your 90 second update.

0:34:060:34:08

Ian Henning's been held hostage by Islamic State extremists

0:34:080:34:10

since December.

0:34:100:34:11

Today, his wife made an emotional appeal in the hope

0:34:110:34:14

his captors will let him go.

0:34:140:34:16

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