28/12/2015 EastEnders


28/12/2015

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MICK SIGHS

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-Everything all right?

-Yeah.

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My stag?

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I set up a nice quiet table in the corner.

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I think there's about five or six people coming.

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Yeah, so just probably, a little quiet one, yeah?

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Yeah, well, you weren't expecting a stripper or nothing, were you?

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-What?

-Oh, no, did he think he was getting a stripper?

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No, what you talking... No!

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Listen, we'll have a little quiet one.

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You know, they're always the best ones, them little quiet ones.

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Yeah, so we're off to get my wedding dress altered.

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Yeah, yeah, we're going to meet Nan in Watford.

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-Have a girlie lunch. Won't be back till late.

-All right.

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Whitney's offered to look after the baby, so you can...

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Yeah, I don't want to cramp your style...

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No, listen, you go and enjoy yourselves.

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I'll just have a couple of beers...

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LOUD MUSIC STRIKES UP IN BAR

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MUSIC: Rock 'n' Roll Star by Oasis

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# I live my life in the city

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# But there's no easy way out. #

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CHEERING

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Johnny, how are ya?

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And we've got a surprise for you and all.

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-What, like this ain't a surprise?

-This, is nothing.

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Nice quiet night, Field Marshal Carter!

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CHEERING

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So he got through the operation OK?

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That's got to be a good sign, yeah?

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Phil?

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I was hoping to see you, Mr Mitchell.

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Thanks.

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Billy, Billy, look, look, look, look, look.

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He stayed over.

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Thought I was going to have to send out for some ear plugs at one point.

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Oh, it's lovely though, isn't it, after all this time?

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They do say true love always finds a way.

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Rox...please, I said I'm sorry.

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That make it all right, then, does it?

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-No, no, course not.

-No?

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How am I supposed to explain this to people, Dean?

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What am I supposed to say to Amy?

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I shouldn't have to explain it cos it should NEVER have happened.

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Look, baby, I know that I have a lot of making-up to do,

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but I promise you, I will make it up to you.

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Few things we need to sort out.

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Like what?

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Are you serious?

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How about you didn't come home Christmas Eve?

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-Was this about Zoe again?

-Oh, don't you bring her into it!

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Something must have happened otherwise you'd have come home.

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I did.

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-Alfie, why did we do it?

-What?

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Why did we have to rush off, just pick up sticks

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and move to Spain like that, without even time to think?

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-You didn't say no.

-I didn't have time to catch my breath!

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And it didn't change after that.

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It's been one big whirlwind ever since.

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I'm trying to do what's best for our family. Anything wrong with that?

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OK, so what is best for our family? Because you haven't even asked me.

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-And I miss my friends and family.

-I get all that.

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I know things happened a bit quick, but we've got a nice home,

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-the kids are happy.

-We could have a nice home here.

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OK, listen, I can make this work, I promise, all right?

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Let's talk about this later, all right?

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Look, are you sure it's all right for me to go to Mick's stag? Yeah?

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-I'll come with you. Is that all right?

-Yeah, mate, sweet.

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All right, all right, everyone listen up, right?

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We are going to be in the clubs later...

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CHEERING

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..but before we do that...

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Nah, not for your ears. Come on, upstairs.

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Right, a few games.

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Oh, leave off!

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First, a little game I like to call Shark Attack.

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As soon as you hear this, everyone off the ground, all right?

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Second, everyone have a pipe at your cards a minute...

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..cos that's who you're for going to be for the rest of the night.

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Hold up, so I'm a dog having a leg?!

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LAUGHTER

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THIS is why I don't do stag dos.

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Right, and as soon as I shout out, "Who Are Ya?"

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that's who you've got to be, right?

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And the last person to hit that position, well,

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has to pay a forfeit.

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-What's that then?

-Well, you better pray you don't find out, Masood.

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Oh, Saucy Lil on the scene!

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-Here we go.

-Who's Saucy Lil?

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-The one that got away, right, Mick?

-Oh!

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-I couldn't miss my last chance to change your mind.

-Ah!

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LAUGHTER

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All right, sweet. Thanks, Ti, thank you very much.

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-Yeah, she ain't your surprise though, either.

-You what?

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So, you and Jack...

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Who says there is a me and Jack?

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But you'd like there to be?

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It's...complicated.

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Well, I think HE would like to,

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otherwise he wouldn't have stayed over.

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And I think you must do too, otherwise you wouldn't have let him.

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Seems simple enough to me.

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Ian, just in time for the first dare of the day.

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The next one, no value.

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What's it say? What's it say?

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'Convince the next stranger who walks in

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'that you bat for the other side.'

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No, impossible, impossible!

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He's melting out on us already, look.

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It's got to be a stranger, though.

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Yeah, all right, all right.

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-What about him?

-Touch it, touch it!

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-I'll have a large Scotch.

-You sure about that?

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I come here for a drink, not a rabbit.

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Oh, well...I'm on a fag break.

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I didn't think you'd be in the mood for a party.

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Thought I'd better face the music

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We're going to send Bobby to boarding school.

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Good move, cos it's either that or prison.

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How's Sharon?

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She ain't going to say anything.

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Phil, that's not what I was asking.

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Yes, it was.

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THEY CHEER

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That ain't your surprise, either.

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Yeah, yeah, good, good, good.

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Let's have a drink. No more strangers are coming in today.

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Oh, oh, game on.

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No, cos that's...

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Trouble in Paradise?

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You and Dean?

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Could say that.

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Look, I don't want to interfere,

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and I know sometimes you feel like tearing bits out of him, but...

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..there is another side to Dean

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and you bring it out in him too.

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I just hope he hasn't upset you too much.

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-Go on.

-Go on.

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Hi, I'm Mick Carter. I'm the landlord. It's my stag.

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Jack Branning.

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-Oh, any relation to Max?

-Brother, but don't say it too loud.

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He ain't exactly flavour of the month round here, is he?

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-SHOUTS:

-Who Are Ya?

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-You on a dare?

-Yeah.

-Which is?

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I've got to convince you I'm an iron.

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LAUGHS

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How you going to do that?

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-I have no idea.

-And if you don't?

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-Billy.

-What?

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-You was last one, mate.

-No, I wasn't!

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You try keeping still standing like this.

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What you doing? What you doing?

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THEY CHEER

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-Free drinks.

-Done.

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-All night.

-Sweet.

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Go on, then. Convince me.

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-What? Er, how?

-I don't know.

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Talk gay, I suppose.

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Yeah, all the ones I know talk like me and you, so I don't know...

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Actions speak louder than words, don't they?

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Hold up, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's legendary, but no tongues.

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Come here, go on.

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THEY WHOOP AND CHEER

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That wasn't fair.

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-SHOUTS:

-Shark Attack!

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HORN SOUNDS

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I could do him for GBH.

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Billy.

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CHANTS: Billy! Billy! Billy!

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Hello, Mick.

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Dickie!

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Heard about this on the Canning Town grapevine.

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Thought I'd come and work the old magic again.

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Yeah, go on, crack on!

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-What a lovely surprise that is.

-That ain't your surprise.

-What?

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-So why are you here? On a visit?

-Yeah, come see my daughter.

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-What, she lives on the Square?

-Yeah, Amy.

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What, as in Roxy and Amy?

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You got a problem with that?

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No, I ain't got no problem with Rox, no.

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Just the company she keeps.

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You ain't putting no more of them things on me.

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-No, it's a different one, Bill.

-Right, you have to change clothes.

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Well, I can't, can I, cos I haven't got a change of clothes.

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I'm afraid that's already been donated, thanks to my nan.

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No...no...no, I ain't wearing that!

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-What do you think I am, some sort of weirdo?

-That's not too bad.

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Back to the first forfeit then, mate, I'm afraid.

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-They're the rules, Billy.

-No, no, no!

-The rules.

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All right, all right, all right.

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Here, Vincent, er, give Fats a call, will you?

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Yeah, get him to bring his decks down, do a set.

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There's only so much Britpop you can take, isn't there?

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-Hey, Dickie!

-How you doing, Dickie?

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All right, lads?

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So do you two fellas want to know the secret of a happy marriage?

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So do I.

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What's all this?

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Maybe it's what I should have done Christmas Day.

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I got you this as well.

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-Cyprus?

-Yeah.

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Sun, sand, amazing hotel, just me, you and Amy.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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This time tomorrow we could be there

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and then a week later, we could be married.

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Dean...

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I've already checked with the bird at the hotel.

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-She said it's not a problem.

-Dean, listen to me...

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-Where is she?

-Jack?

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-Where's Amy?

-She's watching cartoons.

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-Oi, what you doing?

-You know what I heard all about you over in The Vic.

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You shouldn't believe everything you hear, mate.

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Yeah, well, I ain't taking any chances

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and I can't believe that you are either,

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I mean, this is our daughter we're talking about.

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All right, all right, forget it. I'll get her myself.

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-Amy, get your stuff, darling.

-Dean, Dean!

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LAUGHTER

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Ooh!

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-Oh, are these...

-For later, Mick. Just for you.

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HE CHUCKLES

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Filth!

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Want to wish you all the luck in the world, Mick.

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Cheers, Dickie. I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you.

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Oh, can't complain.

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Me and my wife were happy for 20 years.

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Oh, she's lovely, yeah, yeah.

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Then we met.

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Ah, that's not bad.

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That's not bad little...

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-It wasn't a joke.

-No, of course it weren't. Go on.

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Still got a long time to go, remember.

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Yes, Mum.

0:14:230:14:25

That was funny the first time, Lee.

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Who said I was trying to be funny?

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Listen, before you start, I want to say I feel sorry for you.

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-Go home, Dean!

-No, no, he's got some front, this geezer.

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It's sad. Everyone else is cracking on with their lives.

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-Leave it, Dean!

-I tried to leave it.

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I put up with all his names and his sarky comments,

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but now he's affecting my family.

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-I'm not having it.

-What you talking about?

-The world's moved on.

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I have moved on and you can't stand the fact that I've got a decent bird

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-who won't listen to a word that you say.

-Oi, I'm talking to you!

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Do yourself a favour, boy.

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-Knock it on the head, cos you're embarrassing yourself.

-Shut up!

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What you doing? Stay down there and all.

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Stop it, Mick!

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Did I start it?

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Rapist! Look at you.

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You all right, boy?

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Look at the state of me, look!

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-Ain't a bad little stag, though, is it?

-Come on, Dean.

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Are you not going to see if Mick's all right?

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He'll be all right.

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Just give him some time.

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Come on, Shirl, let's get you off, eh?

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My son is innocent. When are people going to STOP calling him a rapist?

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I never had you down as the type to listen to gossip.

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And I never had you down as the type to sit back

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-and let me do something like this.

-What's that supposed to mean?

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I march in here like I own the place, tell you I'm taking Amy...

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The Roxy I know would have laid me out before I'd entered the door.

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Yeah, well, it's your turn to have her, isn't it?

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Yeah, well, it's almost like it suited you, me taking Amy.

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Mick Carter might have twisted your mind against Dean, all right,

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but don't you dare try and twist mine.

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So you're sure about him, yeah?

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-He's not what people say he is.

-Yeah, there's a fair few of them.

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Most of The Vic from what I can make out.

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You want to know what's weird?

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What?

0:16:170:16:18

You haven't actually answered my question.

0:16:180:16:20

I asked you, are you sure about him?

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And you said everything apart from a simple yes.

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It's traditional, innit, you know, blokes getting mullered?

0:16:340:16:39

-To be fair, it IS my stag.

-Yeah.

0:16:390:16:42

This shirt is like proper chuckin' up.

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Anyway, what's the matter with you?

0:16:510:16:53

-It ain't like you to be a killjoy.

-Because it's all the time, Mick.

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It's all the time, every time we go out,

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I have to be the one to carry him home when he's out of his head.

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I ain't doing it no more.

0:17:050:17:07

What does that mean?

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He's got until after the wedding.

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-BABY MONITOR:

-'I won't spoil it for you, and I won't spoil it for him.

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'But after that, we're finished.'

0:17:190:17:22

-You don't mean that.

-Yeah, I do.

0:17:310:17:33

Well... how long have things been like this?

0:17:360:17:39

Long enough.

0:17:390:17:42

He is on his pills, ain't he?

0:17:430:17:46

You know, he's had a few lagers.

0:17:470:17:50

He's bound to be acting a bit ropey, ain't he?

0:17:500:17:54

What are you saying, you've fallen out of love with him?

0:17:540:17:57

I don't know.

0:17:570:17:59

I'm just saying I can't handle him when he's like that.

0:17:590:18:02

I know he's hard work.

0:18:040:18:07

But if he was how he was when he was in Army,

0:18:070:18:09

-if his nut was in the right place...

-Do you not think I've tried that?

0:18:090:18:12

I know you have, I know. Just...

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you know what us geezers are like.

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We're just a bit useless.

0:18:160:18:18

We're not very good at...

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expressing ourselves.

0:18:200:18:23

Don't give up on him.

0:18:230:18:26

You don't have to go through this on your own. You shouldn't have to.

0:18:260:18:28

Just let me and Linda help you, yeah?

0:18:300:18:33

(Yeah.)

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BABY BABBLES

0:18:370:18:39

Ooh.

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I'll take him out for a walk.

0:18:410:18:43

-Thanks, Mick.

-It's all right, baby.

0:18:450:18:48

SINGING: # And after all

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# You're my wonderwall. #

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You know what bigamy is?

0:19:020:19:04

Too many wives.

0:19:040:19:06

Know what a normal marriage is? Same thing.

0:19:060:19:09

You a married man?

0:19:120:19:14

No, not yet.

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Not ever if you've any sense.

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Keep yourself footloose and fancy free.

0:19:200:19:23

Like you, you mean?

0:19:230:19:27

-You're going for it, ain't you?

-What are you saying, Ian, what?

0:19:350:19:38

Slow down, got plenty of time, yeah?

0:19:380:19:40

You all right?

0:19:400:19:42

Yeah.

0:19:420:19:44

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:19:440:19:46

Top of the world, ain't I? Luckiest man alive.

0:19:460:19:48

-What's the punch line?

-You're going to like this one, Phil.

0:19:480:19:52

This is a cracker, innit?

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Alfie?

0:19:540:19:57

Um...

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I-I...

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-I've not told anybody about this, right?

-What?

0:20:030:20:06

You've got to promise, you can't say nothing to Kat, please.

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That ain't going to be difficult cos you ain't said anything, have you?

0:20:090:20:12

Oh, come on, you know what she's like.

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She makes how she can cope with everything.

0:20:140:20:17

Um...

0:20:190:20:22

Th-th-they've found this thing, right?

0:20:230:20:26

They call it a mass...

0:20:280:20:30

..and it's on my brain.

0:20:320:20:35

Maybe it's a tumour.

0:20:370:20:39

Alfie, I...

0:20:390:20:42

Been told I've got to have some tests or something.

0:20:430:20:45

And?

0:20:450:20:47

What...what are you saying - you haven't been for the tests?

0:20:480:20:52

I'm going to get another drink, all right?

0:20:520:20:55

Great party this has turned out to be(!)

0:20:560:21:00

Right, lads, shall we liven this stag up or what? Eh?

0:21:070:21:11

THEY CHEER

0:21:110:21:13

So everything really did go OK?

0:21:170:21:19

Everything went fine and everything's looking very good here, too.

0:21:190:21:23

We can start weaning him off his sedation.

0:21:230:21:26

I've been going out of my mind.

0:21:260:21:28

But that doesn't mean Dennis is out of the woods, Mrs Mitchell.

0:21:280:21:31

We won't know if there's any brain damage

0:21:310:21:33

until he regains consciousness.

0:21:330:21:35

We really need more time to see how he's going to recover from all this.

0:21:350:21:39

Phil?

0:21:460:21:48

Hey, darling.

0:22:140:22:16

Amy, go and get yourself a drink, darling.

0:22:160:22:18

So why didn't you tell me?

0:22:200:22:22

-Tell you what?

-That Roxy was shacked up with a rapist,

0:22:220:22:25

meaning Amy was too.

0:22:250:22:28

I mean, what else ain't you telling me, Ron?

0:22:280:22:31

-Oh, Jack, back again.

-Actually, do you know what?

0:22:310:22:33

I have spent the last two months trying to tell her to get

0:22:330:22:37

rid of him, OK, but you're right, as always, Jack.

0:22:370:22:40

I suppose I should have just popped across the Channel to tell you, too.

0:22:400:22:43

Oh, you know what, when you put it like that...

0:22:430:22:45

-but there's this thing called a phone.

-Yes, I know but...

0:22:450:22:48

Billy? It's all right.

0:22:480:22:50

I've got something to say.

0:22:500:22:53

SITS ON SQUEAKY TOY

0:22:530:22:55

-Billy, are you drunk?

-Yeah.

0:22:550:22:57

No. I've had a few.

0:22:570:23:00

Thing is, I, um...

0:23:010:23:03

I've written some stuff down.

0:23:030:23:05

Hold that for a minute, will you?

0:23:070:23:10

-Billy, is this my old wedding ring?

-Yeah.

0:23:100:23:13

Honey...would you...

0:23:160:23:19

I mean...

0:23:220:23:24

..would you...

0:23:280:23:29

Billy, do you want me to do it for you?

0:23:290:23:31

Give it to me. I'll read it for you. Go on.

0:23:310:23:34

'We've been apart now for too long.'

0:23:350:23:38

That's it.

0:23:380:23:40

'But not one day's gone by when I haven't thought of you.

0:23:400:23:43

'Would you please put everything behind us

0:23:460:23:49

'and make me the happiest man alive by becoming my wife?'

0:23:490:23:54

Again.

0:23:550:23:57

'Again.'

0:23:570:23:59

Oh, Billy!

0:24:000:24:03

I think that's a yes, Bill.

0:24:030:24:05

Well, go on, then.

0:24:050:24:08

Yes, I would love...

0:24:080:24:10

Yes, I would love...

0:24:110:24:14

..more than anything in the whole world...

0:24:140:24:15

..more than anything in the whole world...

0:24:150:24:19

-..to put everything behind us...

-everything behind us...

0:24:190:24:22

..and become your wife again.

0:24:240:24:26

..become your wife again.

0:24:260:24:28

I love you, Hon,

0:24:350:24:38

always have and I always will.

0:24:380:24:41

-Say it properly.

-Oh, yeah.

0:24:420:24:45

-Honey...

-Up-up!

0:24:510:24:54

Susan Honey Edwards...

0:24:550:24:58

..will you marry me, please?

0:25:000:25:03

Of course I will.

0:25:030:25:05

Noasis, you're the governors!

0:25:140:25:18

Ti, Ti.

0:25:180:25:19

We're all pals here, we're all pals.

0:25:190:25:22

What's my surprise? I'm going out of my nut.

0:25:220:25:26

I know it ain't Clive and Paula.

0:25:260:25:29

They're in the Seychelles, right.

0:25:290:25:32

It's Dean's moving to Ecuador, not Essex.

0:25:330:25:38

LAUGHS

0:25:380:25:40

Right, come on, come with me. I think it's time to show you.

0:25:400:25:43

Ain't you forgetting something?

0:25:450:25:47

Oh, Lil, of course, baby.

0:25:470:25:49

THEY CHEER

0:25:490:25:52

Oi, Dickie. Dickie.

0:25:550:25:57

-I reckon you're in there, mate.

-Think so?

-Yeah.

0:25:570:26:01

-The way she's looking at you, mate?

-Definitely in!

-Definitely.

0:26:010:26:05

Him, like a gazelle.

0:26:050:26:08

THEY CHEER

0:26:080:26:10

-What about us?

-We're your wingmen!

-Yeah!

0:26:100:26:13

Time for your last surprise.

0:26:160:26:18

Well, what is it, you weirdo?

0:26:180:26:21

Eh?

0:26:210:26:24

What are you wearing?

0:26:320:26:34

I think you're the most wonderful man I'll ever meet.

0:26:340:26:37

No matter what, you're always there for me.

0:26:390:26:42

Never let me down.

0:26:420:26:44

It's cos I love you.

0:26:460:26:48

I always have, I always will.

0:26:480:26:51

And I love you, too.

0:26:510:26:54

Always and forever.

0:26:540:26:57

You'll always be my Wonder Woman.

0:27:020:27:05

SHE GIGGLES

0:27:050:27:08

Come on, babe, let's just go, yeah?

0:27:090:27:12

You're already packed.

0:27:120:27:14

Let's get Amy back and we can get an earlier flight.

0:27:140:27:16

Dean, we're not going anywhere.

0:27:180:27:21

Your mum was right - you have never grown up and you never will.

0:27:240:27:28

What's she been saying?

0:27:280:27:30

Anyone presses the wrong button with you, and you just, you go off.

0:27:300:27:34

No, that's because of her, that's what that is,

0:27:340:27:38

and that's going to all change once we leave them all behind.

0:27:380:27:41

No, no. We could be the other side of the world,

0:27:410:27:44

it's not going to change who you are, is it?

0:27:440:27:46

Rox...please.

0:27:460:27:49

Come on, don't...don't let me down. Not you.

0:27:500:27:54

I'm sorry.

0:27:540:27:56

I'm sorry, it's finished, Dean.

0:27:590:28:01

Look... No, no.

0:28:030:28:06

I love you, I love you.

0:28:070:28:10

I love you and you love me too, you know you do.

0:28:110:28:14

I did.

0:28:140:28:16

I really did.

0:28:160:28:18

-Not any more, not for a long time, not if I'm being honest.

-No.

0:28:180:28:22

-Dean, come on, stop it. Listen, listen, listen.

-Please.

0:28:220:28:26

It's for the best.

0:28:260:28:28

OK, it is for the best.

0:28:280:28:29

I promise you, you're going to find someone else, I promise you.

0:28:290:28:32

-But I love you. I...

-Don't, Dean.

0:28:320:28:36

Baby, I love you, baby...

0:28:360:28:39

Dean, I'm serious, please.

0:28:390:28:40

Do you know what your problem is? You're too serious.

0:28:400:28:43

-Dean, get off of me. Dean!

-You're just too serious. I love you.

0:28:430:28:45

-Dean!

-I love you.

0:28:450:28:47

Dean! Get off me now! Dean!

0:28:470:28:50

No! No! No! No!

0:28:500:28:53

-I love you.

-Get off of me!

0:28:530:28:55

Dean! No!

0:28:550:28:57

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