01/01/2016 EastEnders

-WOMAN ON RADIO:

-'It's cold and it's breezy

'and there's a potential still for a few sharp showers.

'So that's how it's looking. Get those woolly jumpers out.'

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

HORN BEEPS

HORN BEEPS

RADIO PLAYS

Ah, lovely.

Ooh, er, chuck us something for the missus' breakfast, will you?

MAN SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY

Hang on. Hang on.

Thank you.

Salmon. That's posh, eh?

Thank Uncle Rudy and wish him Happy New Year.

-Good to see things ain't changed in Walford.

-No.

HORN BEEPS

-Morning!

-Morning.

-Morning!

-I think I'll give it another press, that collar ain't right.

-Erm, where's me best man?

Don't tell me, still in his feather.

I don't know. I ain't sleeping with him, am I?

-Erm, you girls going to go and see Linda?

-There's not much point really,

they're all doing make-up and hair and stuff, we're not exactly going to be useful, are we?

Well, I could help. Why couldn't I help? Cos I'm a lesbian?

-No, because you're wearing a cat bobble hat.

-LAUGHTER

You seen the thing Elaine's calling a hat?

-Size of a satellite dish.

-We'll go over in a bit, all right?

-Thank you.

Go and show her a little bit of support and tell her I love her and all that game.

-Tell her you love her yourself.

-Well, I've told ya, I'm not seeing her till the wedding.

-We're going to, you know, do it old school.

-Oh.

-What, after four kids?

Yeah, after four kids.

-Where's your sense of romance?

-I'm romantic!

Nah, nah, where's everyone's sense of romance today?

It's a new year, it's a new start.

-Everything's going to be cushty.

-Don't worry about Dean.

-What?

-Yeah, look, it's been days, I doubt even he would...

-Look, I don't want to talk about him.

I don't want to hear his name in this house today.

Do you understand me? Yeah?

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go and smash the khazi to pieces.

ALL GROAN

Have fun at the parade and...

-Bobby, be good.

-Bye Mum!

I'll see you later.

HE SIGHS

I know this is the last thing we need,

but...she couldn't very well go to Sharon's, could she?

No. Look, it's fine. She's your mate. It's her wedding day.

It's going to be a good day, let's just try and enjoy it.

Johnny's not coming, he's been throwing up all night and missed his flight.

-Oh, no!

-What's he like? Where's his priorities at?

-He's sick,

he wouldn't want to spoil your day. Don't let it upset you.

He said he'd meet us in Italy. You know, come over for the honeymoon.

Oh, well, you'll really get to catch up then.

Today'll be too manic. You know, you'd hardly get to speak to him. Trust me.

Right, come on, we're on a tight schedule, let's get some breakfast in you.

Oh, I'm too nervous to eat anything.

Come on. It's just a bit of hair and make-up, a few vows, what's all the fuss about?

-Oh, is that right, Mr Four Marriages?

-KNOCK AT DOOR

Five. Five?! Five, Ian, really?!

-Hello, darling!

-Hello.

Here we are, then. Hello, Jane. I've been up since the crack of dawn,

but I thought cucumber eye masks, no-one's going to be any the wiser.

Delicious!

Ohh!

Well, this place is a barrel of laughs.

Why have you two got faces like slapped bums?

-Johnny's ill. He's not coming.

-Oh!

Well, every wedding has a disaster, Johnny's yours.

-At least you've got it over and done with.

-Yeah, with any luck.

Well, you're due a bit of luck, good luck.

-We all are.

-Hmm.

Well, at least have a look. What do you think? Will I do?

I don't know how you can even think about going. I don't know how you can look them in the face.

All this hiding away in here feeling sorry for yourself, it's got to stop.

You're not doing yourself any good.

-I think it tastes funny.

-Well, that's because it's posh fish, love.

-Get it away from me.

-That's the hangover talking.

-Mind you, there'll be a fair few of them there today, you'll fit in nicely.

-Stop going on about it!

We not going to the wedding? What about the cake?

Don't worry about the cake. Here are, look...I got you this.

Stop ignoring me.

Stop trying to change my mind and stop thinking you're charming!

Right, you give me and Nanny a second, will ya?

I'm going to lose my patience with you in a minute.

-I can't pretend everything's fine.

-No-one's asking you to pretend,

we're asking you to move on as a family.

Now, we backed that piece of filth, and Mick and Linda still want us there.

We owe them that. So...take this,

eat the salmon...and get the hell out of bed!

WHIRRING MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY

-Oh, sorry.

-No, no, no, you're all right. Hold up a minute.

Erm...

Do you reckon I should have a shave like, like, like proper?

And I was going to...I was going to ask L,

-but I've had this so long I don't want to spin her nut.

-I'm not sure.

No, of course not. Erm...look go and get Lee for me.

-Please don't tell me he's still in the feather.

-Mick, I can't find him.

-What?

-I can't find him.

I woke up this morning and he was gone. He's not answering his phone.

-I know it's your day, I had to tell you.

-Do you know what,

he really does pick his moments this kid, don't he?

Since the stag he's seemed, I dunno.

-What?

-Well, I don't know.

Don't worry...

just go and find him, yeah?

-WOMAN:

-'Reindeer aren't just for Christmas...'

She's refusing to talk to me. She won't even tell me where she is.

-Look, I'll speak to her. She needs to speak to me about Amy anyway.

-No!

You're going to make it worse, again.

You know, it's your fault I didn't answer the door in the first place.

-Look, you need to talk to her, I need to hear from her an' all.

-Give it to me!

RADIO PLAYS SOFTLY

-So is this it, is it?

-What?

-Your boy's first birthday, this is it?

-Don't you walk in here

and start telling me how to parent my child.

Today of all days, I can't believe you don't understand.

-Oi! Don't run away from me.

-Are you two fighting?

-No!

-No, of course not.

Me and your Auntie Ron don't fight, do we?

When's Mummy coming back, then?

She'll be back soon, darling, I'm sure of it.

-Look, can you look after the kids, please?

-Why?

Because I'm going to go and get a...a birthday cake or something.

That's my girl.

Is that for me? Thank you!

-You should at least say goodbye.

-Just wait here!

If you want to make a fast getaway, you can do it on your own tab.

Go on, then.

-You need a bigger bit than that, otherwise the curl's not going to be right...

-Stand by your beds!

-Hiya!

Hiya. What van did that fall off?

Mum, be nice.

Well, it's funny you only wanted a hat when you saw mine.

-You're my inspiration.

-Thank you.

-Mum, you look lovely.

-Well, I'm nowhere near finished.

And Stacey isn't answering her phone so, erm...I'm going blind here!

Well, she has just had a baby, Paul.

-Well, baby or not, it's unprofessional.

-Why didn't you get Mario, Linda?

He's on holiday. Talk about timing.

All right, look, I'm well aware I'm no-one's first choice.

Keep the faith and I'll have you all looking beautiful if it kills me.

-There already, ain't she?

-Sharon!

How's Denny? Is everything all right?

Well, he's having his assessment today.

I'm sorry, Linda, but I'm going to have to stay there and make sure he's OK.

OK. You let me know what they say.

-I'm so sorry I'm going to miss your wedding.

-So am I.

Hey, you'll be fine. Look at everyone here for you.

Time for you and Mick to make that new start, yeah?

-Hmm.

-Good luck, sweetie.

-Thank you.

-So have we got a bride in here, then?

-Hey!

-Hello, Alfie.

Look at you ladies looking all lovely and gorgeous, eh?

-We're not due at the hotel yet.

-Better early than never. Got your phone?

-You going to get free drinks at the bar, Alfie?

-Moi?

-Yeah, I know you.

-You sure that's a good idea, Alf?

-Is everything all right?

Yes, it's all good. Everything is under control.

-Just need you a sec. It's all good.

-What's happened, do you think?

Nothing. Look, sit back down and let Paul finish your hair.

Yeah, you're next, Nance.

Er...no, thanks.

It's bad enough you're not wearing a dress.

'I've been stuck in there with that lot.'

And, anyway, you're a fine one to talk about answering your phone,

I've been trying to get hold of you since the stag do. Told Kat yet?

No. Listen, I'm not doing this now, OK? Cos we told Mick we'd go and find Lee, yeah?

-Anyone tried phoning him?

-No, of course we haven't(!) No-one's thought of that, have they? Come on!

Er, little girl...

and...and man.

-Sorry, love?

-I want to ask you something?

-She's rude.

You know what time the pub over the road opens?

-No, that's closed today.

-On New Year's Day?

-What's the world coming to?

-Well, it's a wedding.

Old owners wouldn't have put up with it, wedding or not.

Yeah, I'm sure you're right.

Well, where else can you get a drink today?

I'm sorry, I can't help you, I don't know.

PHONE RINGS

-What?

-Roxy...they're going in.

What's the plan now?

Lee!

What you doing?

Dad.

What's this about?

LEE SIGHS

-You disappeared.

-I'm coming back, I've got to give you this, in't I?

No, that's your job, in't it? What, you bailing out on me?

-Yeah, like you really need me up there?

-Of course I do.

-What, just like you need me an'all, right?

-What do you mean?

I heard you at the stag do.

You still planning on ending it with me?

-I have not seen this in years.

-Yeah, all right, it's not that big a deal.

-You're so pretty!

-You look lovely!

-When are you going to change?

-I'm not, Nan, I'm wearing this.

-What?!

-LAUGHTER

I'm joking. LAUGHTER

-What you wearing, then?

-I've got this, like, sort of brown suit.

So...what do we think?

Ohh!

LAUGHTER

-Oh, darling!

-Pull yourself together, Elaine.

-Yeah, think of your make-up.

-Ohh!

-Linda, you look fantastic.

-Thank you.

-I would.

What?! Teen! That...that's just not right!

Yeah, well, you look good. You know you look good. Come on, say it.

I look good.

And so do you!

Oh, wow! Oh, my baby girl!

-It's only for today though, isn't it?

-We'll see about that.

-Now, when are you going to change?

-Oh.

Where are you?

-Ron.

-Yeah?

-Hello, Veronica.

-Who's that?

That's my mum.

-She's worried about you.

-Everyone's worried about me, she's still leaving me though, in't she?

Well, she's here, in't she?

You ain't been very well, Lee, you've got to face that.

That's got to be just as hard on her as you, no?

Yeah, that's why I don't blame her. Look, I don't blame you.

-Leave me. I would, if I was you.

-What are you talking about?

Lee, I love you, I want to make things work.

So you think me and your mum got together without any agg?

You're obviously a better man than me then, in't ya?

It's your mum that makes me the man that I am, always has.

I want things to be the way they were before.

All right? I don't know why I said the things I said, but...

Lee, I don't know, I think I was just having a moment.

Kind of like what you're having now.

You can forgive the girl for being human, can't you?

Or are you the only one that's allowed to feel stuff?

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Why do you put up with me?

'We haven't got long'

-till we need to get going.

-Yeah, well, you can't rush perfection.

-Can Sonia come in the car with you?

-Cars are for family.

-She is family!

Oh, no, Lee's lost the rings!

-What?!

-I'm joking. LAUGHTER

They're on their way to the hotel now.

Tina, Sonia can come with me, I'm going in my car.

Is Shirley going with Buster and the boys or...?

-If she decides to turn up, that is.

-Why wouldn't she come?

-I'm running low on hairspray here.

-Oi, you promised perfection!

-I've got to go in a minute!

-What, where are you going?

-Why wouldn't she come, Babe?

Buster told me she's having second thoughts,

-after everything with Dean.

-She has to make it about herself.

Leave her to it, I say, if she doesn't want to come.

-Where are you going?

-To see Shirley.

-What? Mum, you haven't got time.

-There's time for this.

Dean is not ruining one more day of my life.

-Why is Granny here?

-Glenda is my name, not...

-Not Granny, really?

Do you know what, shall we go next door? Come on.

-She's who I've come for.

-What?

-Come here.

Roxy should say goodbye.

-You've seen Roxy?

-Turned up on my doorstep, floods of tears.

-Been attacked by her boyfriend, she said.

-And she came to you?

Well, I was surprised, but apparently big sister let her down, so she came to mum.

-RONNIE LAUGHS

-Do you know it's a joke that you even use that word.

-Do you want some chocolate cake?

-Chocolate cake!

Yes, chocolate cake.

Still as gorgeous as ever.

So where is she?

Collecting her things. She thinks she's going to Portugal.

-What?! Run away? What if the police need her?

-Exactly what I said.

Really? Because all of a sudden you care about rape, do you?

It does always have to be about you, doesn't it?

-I want to see her, you can't stop me.

-I want you to see her.

I want you to talk her out of this. Why else do you think I'm here?

She sees Amy, sees you, maybe some sense will land in her head.

We're on the same page, just this once.

RONNIE SIGHS

Lee's got Ollie ready.

-Right, we better do the slips then, eh?

-Yeah.

-You look beautiful, darling.

-Nervous?

No. I've never been more sure of anything in my life.

And when you see Linda, let her know that, please. I can't have all this, like, cold-feet caper.

SHE LAUGHS

Well, thanks for everything with Lee.

-That's all right. Everything's sweet though, yeah?

-Yeah.

Yeah, well, we will...we will be.

You're right, we're just like you and Linda.

Well, good luck.

-Oh!

-Oh!

-SHE LAUGHS

-Easy, you'll get people rabbitting.

-Oh.

You all right?

Thought I might jump in with you lot.

Not enough room for the two hats in Linda's car,

even though Tina's disappeared off somewhere now.

Oh, what now?

You look beautiful, by the way.

Right.

-Jade, come here.

-Lee!

-Lee, you seen Shirley?

-What you doing? Dad'll see you.

-What do you want Shirley for?

-Apparently, she's not coming.

-I dunno, I ain't seen her.

-Don't worry about it, love.

-Well, try calling her again.

-Just forget it! We ain't got time.

-Nan's there.

-What?

-She's watching from the window.

-We've got to get going soon!

-I won't be long.

-Just make sure everyone's ready.

-Jade, come on.

-If they've seen you...

-I'm not going, it's not right.

-It's your son's wedding.

Yeah, well, my kids are at their best when they're as far away from me as possible.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Just leave it.

-Oh, no, no, that's got to stop.

You shouldn't have seen in the New Year so enthusiastically.

Well, so much for you keeping your nose out for your resolution.

-I really can't wait to live with you again.

-Me neither!

Look, you're doing my head in.

What's the matter with him? He got a hangover or something?

I dunno.

Oh! Nice dress!

Do you mind telling me why you aren't coming to my wedding?

We'll...we'll give you a minute. Yeah?

-Yeah, come on, love. Come on.

-Yeah.

Erm, I just wanted to say...

what happened, that he...

-I'm sorry.

-It's in the past.

-Well, I just would never have thought...

-I know.

I wouldn't have been able to either, I think.

You should come later, all of you, for the reception.

The hotel's beautiful. It'd be fun.

Now, can you answer my question, please?

I don't want this to be about me.

-I want to do the right thing.

-We've been through all this.

Mick wants you there. And, I dunno why, but for some reason I actually want you there.

I don't see how you can.

-LINDA SIGHS

-I have known you, Shirley, for, what, 26 years,

either as Mick's sister or as his mum...

-or as the woman who burned down my mother's pub.

-I didn't know that.

Now, you come to my wedding, you watch us get married,

and for once you slap a smile on.

Understood?

Good.

I was... Erm...

Thank you.

Oh, goodness! How lovely!

Well, this is a very nice spot for a wedding, I must say.

Oh, hello, Pam.

Oh. Good New Year's Eve?

Er...yes, yes.

Bit me and you, this place, ain't it?

-We should look into booking it.

-Yeah, dream on.

-They've got a lake, Billy.

-Yeah, well, we'll have to start saving, won't we?

-Congratulations, you two.

-Tamwar, groom arrived yet?

No, best not. Apparently, there's some disaster with the band.

-Oh.

-They're supposed to be playing Linda's favourite song.

MUSIC PLAYS

I need to speak to somebody in charge. We're five chairs down.

You're still stuck on the M25? People have emigrated faster!

-It's nice, in't it?

-It's lovely.

-The guests are here!

-This corridor's bigger than our bar in Spain.

-Says the Lottery winners!

-Here he is!

Oh! Lovely to see you.

It's nice you haven't let money change you.

-I'd let it change me in all sorts of ways.

-Well, I'm still me.

-Money maketh man.

-Manners.

-Manners maketh man.

-Lucky I'm not a man, then.

They got this lovely place and they fill the side road with that plastic bird tat!

-Oh, look, our sunshine's here.

-Oh, you're back. Brilliant!

-Alfie, come here.

-All right, girls, come on. Nice to see you, sweetheart, play nicely, all right?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Don't you start all that.

-Oh, cheers.

-Cheers!

Well I've got an MP3 player in the car, if the band don't turn up.

-Bagsy I'm not the one who tells Linda.

-All right, boys?

-Yeah, we're getting there.

-Everything looking sweet, yeah?

-MOBILE RINGTONE

Oh, hang on, that's your missus.

Come on, let's get you out of here.

Isn't it perfect, Mum?

Chop, chop, go and get changed.

-You're going to make your mother late for her own wedding.

-Calm down.

It's going to be awful, you know that, don't you?

-At least her hair's nice.

-Let's get up to the room.

Finishing touches.

I've come to see Amy, not you.

-Mummy!

-Hello, darling. You all right?

Hey!

Ladies and gents, if you'd like to start making your way in, please.

-Have you seen Tina?

-Tina?

-Why, is she not here?

-I don't understand!

It's Mick's wedding, I've told you this.

Mick?!

-Her boy?

-Err...yeah.

-Don't see what I'm doing here, then.

-That makes two of us.

-Are you having a laugh?

-She should be here, it's family.

-Come on, Teen, we're already late.

-Oh, it's you!

Look how handsome you are.

-She recognises me?

-Congratulations, married and so young to do it.

Are you sure? Never too late to leg it, you know?

Come on.

Oh, don't be mad.

Want a drink?

Oi, Shirl. Mick's getting married,

like a real proper grown-up.

You are so going to cry today.

-There you go.

-It's nice to see your mum here.

The whole family should be here on a day like this.

Don't you think?

I thought Dad had gone away.

-Jade, go and find your grandad.

-Jade...

I love you very much.

Go on.

You're not going in there, Dean.

You're not going to ruin it for them.

'And we'll talk every day'

on the phone and on the laptop, like you do with Daddy, won't we?

-You don't have to do this.

-Jack, please, my flight's in a few hours, OK?

-Can't I come with you?

-I wouldn't be very good at looking after you.

And you deserve that, don't you?

You...you deserve someone to look after you.

Roxy...

You have better fun with Daddy anyway, don't you?

We'll have a good time, darling.

Amy...it's for the best, OK?

-Is that right?

-Stay out of it!

-I'm helping.

-You haven't helped in five years.

And even when you were here, what good did you do?

I'm going...and you're not changing my mind.

Do I actually have to do this, like, walk in front of everyone?

Yes, you do!

-LINDA SIGHS

-Your dad,

he would have been so proud of you, darling.

Thanks, Mum.

Come on, Nancy, what are you doing out there?

Yeah, go on, let's see this suit of yours, then.

LAUGHTER

Surprise.

BOTH GASP

Wow!

Baby girl!

THUNDER

Look at this, eh?

A lake-house hotel.

What, they think this is going to cover up what they're like?

What they're really like?

She slept with me and he almost beats me half to death,

but, no, let's enjoy their big fancy wedding day.

Why did you come here today?

To spoil it for them?

For them?!

I couldn't care less.

I'm not here for them,

I'm here for you, Mum.

Yeah, she...she won't be long.

Always late, that one.

She's definitely coming? You promise me? You're not lying, no?

I've just seen her. She's just getting Jade a drink, all right?

She wouldn't miss this, I promise.

Dad?

Just...just give me a minute.

You nervous, love?

Never been surer of anything in my life.

Walk away, Dean!

What, you think you can just walk away?

After what you tried to do to me,

you think you can just...you can just turn up here and celebrate with your real son?

The only son you ever really wanted.

That's what makes me sick!

All of this is because of you.

You let Mick and Linda destroy my life.

-They've taken everything from me!

-They've taken nothing!

Nothing, Dean! This is all you, because you're a rapist!

You don't call me that!

-Police.

-What you doing?

-Lakeside Hotel.

-What are you doing? Give me that!

-Dean!

Give me that phone!

CHATTER

-Jade.

-Sorry.

-Where's Nanny?

-She went outside.

With my dad.

What?

After everything you've done, you still blame me?!

Please, Dean, stop!

-Stop, Dean!

-Well, stop what?

Trying to kill you? Trying to drown you? Like you did to me or Mick?

-Please, Dean!

-"Oh, please, Dean!" Just admit it!

-I am this way because of you.

-Mick!

"Mick! Mick!"

Yargh!

Mum!