14/03/2017 EastEnders

Oh, morning, boy. You couldn't cover the lunch shift for me, could you,

while I go and see my mum?

What about Tracey?

She's taken her Tom on holiday.

Yeah, so it's all hands on deck,

so we're going to hoist up that sail,

we're going to go full speed ahead, and we're going to start on Friday.

We're going to start on Friday because it's St Patrick's Day,

and it's impossible not to earn,

and we're going to go big, so get the word out.

Listen, girl, we're having a party. You know that, don't you?

I think she's just hungry.

Oh, do you know what? Lauren was complaining, actually,

that they don't let her get very creative at work,

so I'm sure she'd knock you up a flyer, mate's rates.

Yeah, well, when I say big, I mean, like, you know, cheap big.

Know what I mean? It's like my mum's doing double bird to save my Aris,

so the least we can do is tighten our purse strings

-so she's got a business to come out to.

-Yeah.

Johnny, I want you to download some of that Daniel O'Donnell music,

I'll sort out the flyers,

and then hopefully we can get rid of these poxy things.

Actually, you might want to leave that there - they've forecast rain.

Brilliant(!)

PHONE BUZZES

JOHNNY WHISTLES Come on, girl.

Mick? It's Teen. Can you have Mum in the Vic today, please?

She was playing up all day and...

-CLATTERING

-Just call me back.

Mum! Mum!

I can't find my curlers.

You're not going to find them in the kitchen cupboards, are you?

I've looked everywhere else. What've you done with them?

Nothing.

-TINA SIGHS

-Put your shoes on.

I'm taking you to work.

Work?

Well, I can't leave you here, can I?

Ah. Good morning.

Is it?

Our kids are munching on dry cereal cos someone's used all the milk.

Yeah, I'm sorry, I was going to bring some over,

I just completely forgot.

Yeah, well, maybe you should have - you could've said hello to Bex.

You barely spoke to her all weekend.

I've said everything I need to say to her.

The sooner she goes back to school, the better.

Right. Blueberries, ladies and gents!

Get your kale, get your spinach...

Healthy munch for your lunch. Want a bit, sir?

A bit of... No?

There it is, mate.

-What time do you call this?

-Sorry...

Oh, you are kidding me?

I've got no-one else to look after her now, you know,

Shirley ain't here.

OK. Just keep an eye on her, yeah.

Thanks, Kath.

Right, behave. All right?

Right, I got Martin to stock up on superfoods -

all we need for a nice, healthy breakfast.

We?

Yeah. Well, you did say you were going to help me

beat this diabetes together, didn't you?

All right, there you go.

Bottoms up.

Ugh.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

That tastes worse than it looks, Ian.

I'm sure we'll get used to it.

Well, here's one thing you'll certainly be doing on your own.

Look.

How much?

Uh-uh! You can't put a price on health,

and you know the doctor said you needed to exercise as well. Look...

Yeah, well, I'm on my feet all day in the restaurant, ain't I?

But I'm going to go see a supplier. See you in a bit.

Oh, save that - I'll drink it later.

DOOR CLOSES

-Are you all right?

-Mm-hmm.

Seriously? What did he do, draw it left-handed?

Don't. I think he's proud of them.

He couldn't wait to start leafletting that market.

Erm, he asked me to phone the engineer about this sticking till

and I cannot find the number.

Oh, it'll be in the kitchen drawer.

Thanks.

Nice one, Dad -

artistically challenged and illiterate.

Why aren't you dressed?

-Oi!

-You have to go to school.

I mean it, you're not pulling a sickie on my watch.

I'll start walking you in again.

Chill out, will you?

I'm going.

-Got something to tell my mates, ain't I?

-What do you mean?

About my new trainers.

-What did you think I meant?

-Oh, just go.

These unbranded packets aren't very attractive.

Ain't that the point?

Anyway, you won't be shifting as many of them now Shirl's banged up.

Oh, I hope she's all right.

You know, I saw this fly-on-the-wall from inside a women's prison.

The things they got up to...

Well, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

-HONEY CLEARS HER THROAT

-Oh.

-All right?

-All right?

Top of the morning to you, ladies.

Erm... Can I leave some of these in here?

Course you can.

It's the best Paddy's party this side of Kilburn. Fancy it?

Yeah.

Well, as long as it's within licensing hours.

Ta-ta.

Take no notice of her.

Fish-and-chip paper, babe.

It's good to see you're carrying on.

Should be fun.

If you get rid of all them, then the first drink's on me, girl.

-All right?

-Aw...

Um, Mick, shouldn't "crack" be spelt differently?

It's C-R-A-I-C. It's Irish.

-What?

-Yeah. I have to double-check all my Billy's obituaries.

Last week he described a much-loved father as a "much-loved fatter".

Shut up?

Yeah. What would you men do without us, eh?

Yeah...

-HONEY GIGGLES

-Yeah, ta-ta.

See you, babe.

It' all right, love, it's only me.

I thought you were at the restaurant.

I forgot some paperwork.

I... I just bumped into Vincent.

He was asking if I was going to come for a run with him and Mick.

-Really? What did you say?

-Yeah.

I said, the next time my wife calls, to ignore her.

Well, I just thought, you know, it would be...

it would be cheaper than a gym.

I get enough exercise at the restaurant, OK?

Oh, come on, Ian...

And...I haven't got any trainers.

-Ian! That is the worst excuse...

-Bye!

..I have ever, ever heard! DOOR SLAMS

SHE SIGHS

Bex, that was the school on the phone.

They're letting you go back tomorrow.

They said it's all resolved,

but you've got to go into isolation or something.

Sounds like a punishment, but it could be worse, couldn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, I suppose.

Right. Let's put it all behind us, then, yeah?

Go on, ring your dad. Tell him the good news.

Oh, he's still got my phone.

He's treating me like a little naughty kid.

Oh... Well, don't worry, I'll have a word with him.

FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS

Mick, I've just had a phone call about

-a birthday booking for next week.

-Seriously?

Yeah, the bloke's coming in this lunchtime to check us out.

-MICK SIGHS

-That means cancelling Mum, though.

That's all right. It's fine, I've got it. You go.

-Really?

-Yeah.

OK, DEFCON One on the bar.

I want you to polish it to within an inch of its life, yeah?

WHITNEY LAUGHS

Johnny, would you mind getting that for me?

Sure.

Oh, a bit of top-shelf reading for Ian?

I might have a little look at the pictures myself.

Do you reckon these'll be cheaper at CostMart?

Well, everything's cheaper there.

Actually, erm, if you're going that way,

would you pick something up for me?

Sure.

Dad's got us on an economy drive.

Yeah, he must be finding things hard.

Weirdly, he's gone all blitz spirit -

"Keep calm and carry on."

Better put these back.

The school called.

It's all settled down now, so they're letting Shaki back tomorrow.

Oh, that's... That's great.

Well, no thanks to your brotherly advice.

I can't believe it came to this.

Anyway, at least they're putting him in isolation,

which keeps him away from that Keegan.

And what about Bex?

Yeah, and her too.

No, I mean how come they're letting Shaki back and not her?

-What Shaki did was stupid...

-You think?

Yeah, but it was Bex who started it.

Oh, change the record, Carmel.

Martin!

Can you believe this? They're letting Shaki back to school.

Yeah, and Bex. The school just rung the house.

Right, so can we just... Can we draw a line under this now, please?

Yeah, and...and maybe we can arrange another gran day with Arthur?

One step at a time.

Kush is right, Martin. We need to move on.

Yeah, maybe with Bex, so we can get things back to normal, eh?

Right, so she can her phone back, then?

No chance.

She's learnt her lesson - getting back to normal means trusting her.

But it's all the other idiots, though, isn't it?

I get that you want to protect her,

but she ain't a little girl any more, Martin. Come on.

HE SIGHS

-I asked for a tea!

-DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

There you go, girls. Dust off your Flatley trotters

and get yourselves over to the Vic, Friday. Yeah?

Oh, Kath, you don't mind me drumming up

a bit of business in here, do you?

No, no. Of course not.

This isn't how you spell "craic".

Do you know what, Sylv? You're bang on.

You... You ready, Teen, or...?

For what?

We're going to visit Shirl.

Well, you never said.

Cos I ain't going.

What?

I've got her, haven't I?

Yeah, but it's all been arranged.

Oh, right, so when I want something you don't call me back, but when

you want something, I'm just expected to drop everything, yeah?

I'm sorry, all right?

I'm sorry... I've been busy.

Yeah, well, so am I.

Look, Tina, you go, OK? Go on. I'll look after Sylvie.

Thanks, Kath. I appreciate it.

Please, Teen. Please.

Oh...

Mum, Kath's going to look after you

-whilst I go and visit Shirl, all right?

-I want to see her.

You can see her when she gets out.

Thanks.

DOOR OPENS

You're being extra nice.

Well, your....

your family's going through a bit of a tough time just now.

SHE SIGHS

SPOON CLINKS

PHONE RINGS

-Hi, Sharon.

-'The school's called. Denny's ill.'

But the school's got my number, why would they ring you?

'Well, it doesn't matter. Was he ill in the night?'

No, he was fine this morning. I wouldn't have sent him in if he wasn't.

'Well, can you go straight away?'

-Of course. Course.

-'Thanks.'

-I'll go down there now.

-'Give him my love.'

-All right.

SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH

-Mummy!

-Hello.

Come here.

Oh...

Teen?

They said no touching.

I've been looking forward to a decent chat -

all you get in here is grunts and farts.

Yeah, and now you've got to do it for twice as long.

Might only be six weeks with good behaviour.

-Yeah, but it's not what we agreed to, is it?

-Hey, just relax.

I've been to worse holiday camps than this.

You get three decent meals a day, showers...

Even got a telly in my room.

Do you have to share?

Yeah, with a girl called Debbie.

And what's she in for?

She murdered her mother.

Seriously?

No.

In for shoplifting.

She's a real sweetie.

I had murders getting this in here.

Must be our ugly boats - offensive weapons.

How's Mum?

Like you care.

-You abandoned us.

-What choice did I have?

One of us had to cop for it, and, weighing everything up,

it was best for the family that it was me.

And we're going to make it worthwhile, OK?

We've got a birthday bash booked, and a St Patrick's night,

and I've leafletted the life out of the Square.

I'm going to get some extra barrels of the black stuff...

Have you thought about selling the freehold,

instead of throwing good money after bad?

Shut up. I'm not losing the Vic.

Have you spoke to Linda about this?

Of course he hasn't. She ain't got a clue that he's here.

What are you talking about? That's not true.

She knows you're in here.

Yeah, but you didn't tell her

it's cos you couldn't actually afford the fine.

I bet she ain't got a clue that you're up to your eyeballs in debt.

I bet she don't even know that Lee's gone...

She's got enough on her plate with Elaine, all right?

-She don't need this and all.

-Well, what about what we need?

Tina's right.

We need all the support we can get right now,

and that includes you.

No, no. No, no, I... I can do this.

-I can turn this round.

-KNOCKING ON TABLE

Right now, I need some fresh air.

KNOCK AT DOOR

I've run the iron over it for you.

Thanks.

And...

MUSIC: Naive by The Kooks

Now, I've told your dad he can trust you again, so prove me right, yeah?

Thank you, Stacey.

PHONE BEEPS

Oh, someone's popular.

The only messages I get are, like, spam PPI claims

and fruity ones from your dad when he's had one too many at the Vic.

Oh, Bex, don't take any notice of it.

Yeah, right. It's all anyone is going to be talking about.

Well, yeah, if they want to be childish.

Be the better person.

Easy for you to say.

Yeah, because I know that you are mature and you are talented.

I know that it seems like the end of the world, but it's what you

do with the rest of your life that's important, not school.

Don't tell your dad I said that.

# I know she knows that I'm not fond of asking

# True or false, it may be... #

Oh, no, you don't.

If you're really not well, you can go to bed.

Aw, are you missing him?

Has he got a new girlfriend?

I said, go to bed if you're ill.

Oh, I feel better now. Let's hope it don't come back tomorrow.

SHE SIGHS

Bit of advice -

forget the family.

What?

The more you think about them,

the harder it is to get through your stretch.

Well, maybe yours ain't worth thinking about.

I was playing nice. I don't have to.

It's your choice.

Don't threaten me. I've got friends in here.

Is that right?

Well, let's hope your friends are bigger than my friends.

I don't know about you, but I could really do with a drink.

I have to get back to Mum.

Go and get her and bring her over, Johnny'll keep his eye on her.

We'll have a laugh.

Maybe.

Listen, we're going to get through this, all right?

SIREN WAILS

Get away from me!

Look, no-one is trying to poison you!

Mum! Mum! Hey!

Who are you calling Mum?

It's me, Tina, your daughter.

You mean Shirley...

Give me the pan. Give me the pan!

That's it.

Come on.

Let's sit you down and make you a nice cup of tea, yeah?

I was just making her some lunch.

You didn't tell me she gets violent.

It's only when she's confused.

Tina, I am sorry, but it's not going to work having her here.

No, it has to. I'm the only one she's got.

You know, it doesn't have to be like this.

There are professionals who are trained to

look after people like your mum.

I ain't putting her back in a home.

Listen, you have been so dedicated,

and you have really looked after her,

but maybe you've done all you can.

You know, from now on, she's only going to get worse.

What about if I left her at home and I went and checked on her,

like, every hour?

I don't know...

Please, Kath. It's just until Shirley gets out.

# La-la-la-la-la

# Na-na-na-na

# La-la-la-la

# La-la-la-la-la

# Da-da-da La-la-la... #

PHONE CHIMES

-GIRLS SINGING OVER THE VIDEO:

-# I'm so sad and lonely

# My ex is so over me

# I slept with him and now he's moved on

# I just guess I'll sit and cry

# And then write a really lame, sad song

CRUEL LAUGHTER

# And then I... #

SHE SNIFFLES

SHE EXHALES

SHE SNIFFLES

'I'm not fooled any more...'

Turn that down, please.

I'm nearly on the last level.

I don't care, it goes down or it goes off.

-'Talk about your quicksand...'

-TV GETS LOUDER

'..I've definitely got a sinking feeling right now.'

-You're such a little...

-Ah!

-TV GOES QUIET

No, no. Don't try pulling that one again.

You are going to school tomorrow.

What if Mum knew Preston was staying?

-She wouldn't believe you.

-Are you sure about that?

Are you really going to go there just for a day off school?

Oh, I don't want a day off school.

I've seen a really cool jacket, and it'll go well with my trainers.

TV VOLUME INCREASES

MUSIC: Baby Love by The Supremes

You can't go in the kitchen any more, you understand?

I need my curlers!

Well, they're not in there.

-Well, what've you done with them?

-Nothing!

But where are they? I want my curlers, where are they?

Mum! Mum, they'll be in your bedroom.

Shall we have a little look for them?

After we've had a cuppa.

Uh-uh. What did I just say?!

-DOOR THUMPS CLOSED

-You can't go in there.

-I'm not a prisoner.

-Look, Mum, this is for your own good.

Don't pretend you care about me.

No, it is either this or you go into a care home.

But this is my home!

Yeah... No, of course it is.

-Of course it is.

-SYLVIE SOBS

Look, Mick said we could go over to the Vic later...

No! No, I'm staying here!

-Hey...

-Don't take me away!

Don't...

Please don't. Don't take me away.

SYLVIE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY

Hey, hey.

-Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh...

-SYLVIE SOBS

How was Shirley?

What do you think? Queen bee of the wing already.

Whit, this is very important.

I'm doing a food list,

now, are you sure this geezer wants to cater for 60 people?

Yeah, definitely, and he's dropping the deposit in tonight.

He loved the place -

reckons he's going to put a grand up for a free bar.

Yes. Looks like we're back in the game, boy!

Oh, Jane asked me to get you these.

What?

No excuses now, Dad.

Oh, you're having a laugh, ain't you? Look at these.

Who are you, the new Mo Farah?

Doubt it. Not in them. Oh, this is Jane -

she's trying to get me to go out for a run with you and Vincent.

Oh, no, I've got too much on here. I can't be pounding them streets.

Oh, what a shame. Have you got the receipt?

Well, you could always come with me, Dad.

Joy.

Oh, Mick, you can count on me and Lauren for this on Friday night.

-Good man.

-That's going to be a good little earner for you.

That's just the start.

-We've got a big birthday bash next week, ain't we, babe?

-Yeah.

We just picked one up as well - booked it this afternoon.

60 covers for a buffet and a grand behind the bar.

IAN CHUCKLES

He did say he had to look at one more place.

More drinks?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, yeah. Just a couple of Diet Cokes.

Last of the big spenders, eh?

Whit, I thought you said you spoke to the engineer about this thing?

Yeah, I did. He said he fixed it.

He charged us 50 quid for it.

Did he?

MICK THUMPS ON THE TILL

I tell you what, this...

Mick.

Mick!

TILL CRASHES

Leave him.

Have we still got that spare till?

MUSIC: If I Could Change Your Mind by Haim

Lauren's giving Lil and Arthur their tea.

I thought we'd have a bit of adult time.

Wow. Now, you see, that, that I like the sound of.

-STACEY CHUCKLES

-Bex!

I thought you said it was going to be a bit of adult time?

Yeah, I did. We're going to start treating her like one.

The minute she turned her phone on, she got a load of abusive messages.

Well, from who?

From Shaki?

All right. Bex!

See?

There you go again, flying in with your bat cape -

you ain't even got a clue what you're doing.

I've just told her to rise above it.

Martin, she needs your support, not a hard time.

Hey.

Hiya.

-I'm going to do the drinks.

-OK, thank you.

Look, Bex, I'm sorry if I've been on your back.

No, it's cool. You were just looking out for me.

Yeah, I know, I know, but I...

I should have been more supportive.

And that, hearing about you...

taking the pictures of yourself...

I mean, it was quite shocking, but it's your life,

and I have to accept that.

Thanks, Dad.

And you were right,

the most important thing is to make the most of it...

so I'm not going back to school.

What?

I'm going to do an apprenticeship.

I've been looking into music technology.

Well, you can stop, cos you ain't throwing away your education away.

But I'll be putting my education to a practical use,

while getting paid for doing something that I want.

Oh, come on, grow up.

They'll have you making cups of tea for less than minimum wage.

-You can't stop me.

-I can. Of course I can, and I will.

Look, that little thing of yours, it ain't going to happen.

Well, I'm not a kid any more!

I took them photos because, yes, I am interested in sex,

the same as you, Stacey and every other adult, because I am one.

I can make my own decisions.

Brilliant.

Thanks for that.

# Pass right by me

# Your eyes are enough to remind me

# Visions of our love... #

WATER TRICKLES FROM ROOF

RAIN SPLASHES

Um...

Johnny said it was all right to come up.

I've, erm... I've got another till at the restaurant, if you want it.

Look, Mick, I...

I know what you're going through, OK? I mean...

I've fallen on hard times myself.

It's got nothing to do with luck.

This is down to me.

Just give me some space, yeah?

RAIN SPLASHES

I doesn't mean a thing to me...

Up today the Quiz Park Rangers.

This team all met while studying and sharing the same halls of residence

at Bristol University. Now the university days are behind them,

they spend their time socialising,

playing five-a-side football and taking part in pub quizzes,

so nothing's really changed. Let's meet...

Shirley won't be inside for long, will she?

Look, I called the police to get Babe,

not to destroy the whole family.

Why don't you just take that till to Mick anyway?

That's the least of his problems!

Did you see how fast all those punters left?

And you - no more surprise gifts, thank you very much.

Is Mick OK?

-If lobbing a till over your bar equals OK, yeah.

-Oh...

Ian, what are you doing back here? Why didn't you stay and talk to him?

I tried, love, OK? He wouldn't even look me in the eye.

He's in a dark place. He's not going to listen to me, is he?

Don't just sit there - go and stick the kettle on, will you?

-Hi. Do you want a cup of tea?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-OK...

SHE SIGHS

PHONE RINGS

Um, hi, Linda.

'Hi, Jane. Oh, this is a nice surprise.'

Yeah.

Yeah, erm...

I think you'd better come home.

'Why? What's happened?'

It's Mick...

RAIN SPLASHES

MICK SOBS