25/08/2017 EastEnders

Who's done a cracking lunch trade? We've done a cracking lunch trade!

Oh, look at you!

Are you sure it's all birds going to this ladies' night,

and you're not getting all done up for all the geezers?

As if!

Especially after last night.

-It was good, weren't it?

-It was beautiful!

You put me to shame, son.

Active body, active mind.

Ah! Well, that explains why my mind's always got its feet up,

watching Jezza Kyle.

SHE CACKLES

You know, good for you, love, you know,

not letting this job thing get you down.

I'm not going to be unemployed for long.

Ah, that's exactly what your father said to me

when I told him I was up the duff with you.

By the time he got a job, you was at big school.

Mum, I'm not going to be like me dad.

No, you're not. And you keep telling yourself that.

You know, God loves a trier. Just...

don't get your hopes up too much.

What do you mean, something going on?

It's to do with Jay. Phil's given him the car lot.

Handed the land over.

It is worth a fortune.

I mean, Jay's handed it straight back, but still...

-Why would he do that?

-Yeah, that's what I want to know.

Phil's been fobbing me off, but enough is enough.

I'm going to have this, and then I'm going to ask him straight out.

I can't be doing with no more secrets.

You and me both.

Hiya, Sharon.

Hello, darling.

Er, Linda, do you want me to do anything for ladies' night?

I could do some bar snacks, if you want.

You know, like olives, chorizo, beetroot and parsnip crisps, maybe?

I think we'll stick to salt and vinegar.

Mick's going round Jack's, so it'll be you and Stacey behind the bar.

Great.

It's got a lot colder in here all of a sudden.

You're not blaming her about what happened to Lee, are you?

She's been worth her weight in gold while you were away.

She really has.

I mean it, Linda.

Her weight in gold.

Not a bad copy, even though I say so myself.

I hope she'll be happy with it.

Of course she'll be happy. It's beautiful!

When we get back from Joannie's,

we could have a bit of snogging time, couldn't we?

Or we could give it a go before we go to Joannie's.

No, we'd best wait.

If we're late, she'll have a fit, thinking we're in a pile-up.

Rascal.

Right, well, if we're going, we'd better get going.

Get it over with. I hope she's got parking.

-What?

-Parking.

Well, according to her, she's got everything.

Says she wishes she'd left the Towers years ago.

HE CHUCKLES

We'll take the dress with us,

drop it off at Lauren's sister's on the way.

Don't want the groom seeing it.

What are you doing? It's fine.

If you wanted to live in a pigsty, you could have married

that creature Maureen you used to hang about with.

You wouldn't be having snogging times with her after 58 years.

You and Linda seem good.

Yeah, we are.

I'm happy for you.

Is that for ladies' night? That looks lovely.

Thanks.

Earlier, Sharon was saying how great Whitney's been,

helping you out with stuff.

Yeah.

Everyone's been singing her praises.

L, I thought we'd moved on...

We have.

But I can't help it, every time I look at her, I still want to...

It's hard. That's all I'm saying.

I know, I know.

But you can deal with it. I know you can.

I mean, if you... If you've really forgiven me...

I know. I know, and I will try...

PHONE RINGS

SHE CHUCKLES

Queen Vic?

Oh, hi, Fi.

From 6.30. Why?

-She wants to come to ladies' night! What do I do?

-Whoa!

SHE SIGHS

Are you OK?

Why wouldn't I be?

Well, clearly something's wrong.

You can tell me.

All right, well, do you want to help me taste these?

You'd like this one.

It's chocolate, with a hint of orange, and undertones of lilac.

Not sure it's very wedding cake-y, though.

Why are you doing all this, Ab?

I mean, it ain't even your wedding, is it?

Well, I'm just helping out.

Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me,

as my plus one.

HE SCOFFS No way.

Well, why not?

Because I stopped being your plus one three years ago, Abi.

And I know you - you'll end up elbowing everyone out the way

to get to the bouquet, and it'll put thoughts in your head.

So no.

Well, I was only asking you cos I thought you needed cheering up!

I've got plenty of guys that I can ask.

Sit.

You ain't going to like it.

I'm just saying, I couldn't live like that.

All them red cords and panic buttons. It's not homely, is it?

Well, it was quite nice for sheltered accommodation.

-Best call the police.

-Yeah.

So now you know everything.

So, why tell him now, after all these years?

Why not let him carry on believing Jase was his dad?

You killed someone.

I swear...I had no idea that anyone was in there.

What are you going to do?

Sharon?

Culi... Culinary technician?

It's washing up.

I can do that.

Oh, there's a sink full over there, if you want to get in some training!

-I'll apply.

-You won't get it.

Don't listen to him.

Apply for it, and in a week, you'll be running the place.

Thanks, Bernie.

Listen...

What to?

Exactly. I hate it when the boys go to their dad's.

It's like ripping the heart out of this place.

If they're the heart, then what am I?

What's that thing that nobody knows why we've got it,

but we can all do without it?

The appendix.

-SHE CACKLES

-That's it!

Oh, I'm only joking, love.

Right, that's me looking gorgeous.

You on the pull tonight, Mum?

No, not tonight, love,

although if I were, I'd be snapped up double quick, looking like this.

No, it's ladies' night at the pub.

Thought we had no money.

No, we don't. That's why I'm going.

The first drinks are free, and then I'll blag the rest.

You know, I intend on getting completely and utterly slaughtered.

See you!

I've just had one of them veggie crisps. I had to spit it out.

God, Linda's got some right funny ideas since she's been away.

Help yourselves to nibbles.

Bubbly's on its way. First glass is on the house.

Ooh!

The last ladies' night you had in here, Woody organised it.

We had strippers.

Not my style.

Oh, I don't know. I like a nice stripper.

You know, generally speaking.

You're not the only one!

My Vincent strips for me sometimes. Yeah, private show.

Is that when you're both off your heads?

Those drugs had nothing to do with us.

-They were planted.

-It's not funny, Shirley.

It's all right, Kim. I believe you had nothing to do with them.

Thank you, Carmel.

These crisps are nice.

I prefer spicy sausage meself.

Reminds me of a Spanish waiter I once knew.

Where's that bubbly, Whitney?

Yeah, yeah, just coming.

-There you are.

-There we go!

Help yourselves.

Oh, I'll take that. Thanks, Stacey. Champagne?

No, cava.

Kim, Denise.

Don't mind if I do!

Whitney, are you not having one?

-Yes, Whitney, have one.

-Thanks.

Them bar snacks were a good idea.

Here's to the ladies of the Queen Vic.

THEY CHEER

Oi, oi, let's get this party started! Easy.

You know what? I love my kids to death, but I'm very, very happy

when they have a little sleepover at Nanny Glenda's.

Yeah. Where's Ingrid?

She's gone out to see a friend.

Mmm. I escaped just before the treacles started to arrive.

How's it going?

You know, between you and Linda, and the Whitney stuff.

MICK SIGHS

It's better, you know.

Yeah, it's better.

Well, that's good news.

Yeah. She's going to start making an effort with Whitney, so...

bit of luck, we can all start moving forward, and...

Well, you've got a good one there, mate.

Yeah, yeah.

I saw the Old Bill parked outside.

Oh, yeah?

Well, that's Dot's life of crime come to a sudden end, then.

Old naughty Dot, eh?

I need you to check your list of things that have been taken,

make sure I've got everything.

Well, there's nothing much of real value.

You know, it's all sentimental.

My 21st birthday necklace, figurines

and a carriage clock.

It was a silver wedding anniversary present.

Meant everything to Joyce, did that clock.

I'm very sorry. Look, try not to touch anything.

I'll send a scene-of-crime officer round to check for finger marks,

you never know.

No need. I know who did it.

Ted, no...

Oh, come on, Joyce!

Round here the other day on the cadge for money,

the eldest up in court for nicking a bench.

-Who are you talking about?

-The Taylors, upstairs.

They've come round the back way to make it look like

an outside job, but I know.

-I know!

-You don't know anything.

Just because people don't have enough money, it does not mean...

We manage to exist on the pittance the State gives us.

We budget, me and Joyce. We haven't got any debts, right?

And then it comes down to this!

Scum like them upstairs breaking in, doing the place over.

There was about three quid in that. Three lousy quid!

Animals, that's what they are.

Animals!

What for? I'm just off out somewhere.

Has Phil put you up to this?

Oh, I was literally just about to knock.

Yeah, hang on a minute, Sharon. You after Abi?

Yeah, I just want to know if she's spoken to Lauren.

Go on. Yeah, well, like I said,

it'll have to be later, cos I'm off out somewhere.

# I do, I do, I do, I do, I do

# I love you

# I do, I do, I do, I do, I do

# I do, I do

# I do, I do, I do, I do, I love you

# I do, I do, I do, I do, I do... #

-DOOR OPENS

-Oh!

Erm, I, erm...

I was just checking that it fits, so...

You are crazy.

I don't think much of your choice of groom, though.

Oh, er...

Situation vacant.

You and Lauren are going to have such bad luck

now you've seen it before the wedding day.

I don't buy her coming in to check out ladies' night.

Slumming it in her free time.

Poor Linda, eh?

Poor Linda?! After everything she's said about you?

Ah, well, she's had a reaction.

She's actually trying to make an effort with me tonight.

Michelle works in a department store.

Really?

Oh, Shirley, can you pour me another one, please?

Ask someone that works here.

All right?

Yeah. How's that dog of yours? Keeping it under control?

He's a little lamb.

Same as my Keegan.

Ah!

I took one of those DNA tests the other day,

to find out where my ancestors came from, yeah?

It goes way back, like, back to my roots.

What?

You do a swab, and then you send it off.

Turns out I'm 95% African.

But I thought you were from the Caribbean?

Yeah, but it's ancestry, innit?

You know, it goes way back, like way, way, way back,

to dinosaur times. So I've got Nigeria, Ghana and Cameroon in me.

I've got pure vodka.

And guess what the other 5% is? Go on, guess.

Alien?

LAUGHTER

-Scottish.

-Oh!

-Yes, I know, I was surprised as well.

I'm looking into getting a kilt. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

So...

Obviously, I've heard loads about you over the years.

Sharon's always talking about you.

You know, I really missed Sharon while I was away.

We're always in each other's business.

More like sisters than friends.

That's nice.

Course, it's the people you grew up with -

they're your real mates when the chips are down.

Excuse me.

What are you doing here?

Didn't think this was your sort of thing.

I could lie and make up an excuse as to why

I was in the neighbourhood, but truth is, I was hoping to see you.

Hoping you'd take me up on that offer of a drink.

Well, in that case, mine's vodka tonic, ice and lime.

-Great.

-Thank you.

Mind if I join you?

Annie, isn't it?

Carmel.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm just getting to know the regulars. Are you local?

Yeah, a few doors down. It's a lovely pub.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

So, are you married?

Separated. Going through a divorce at the moment.

Well, I'm sure a lovely lady like you won't be single for long.

Actually, there is someone special.

What's he like?

Wonderful.

A businessman, very sorted.

Makes me feel very special.

Linda...

Is there any more cava?

We've sold out. Thirsty ladies.

Well, I think we should move on to Champagne.

My treat.

CHEERING

Now, there's a girl after me own heart!

Oi, let her splash her cash.

There's only ever going to be one queen of the Vic.

Go and get the Grand Brut from out the back.

You know, the really expensive one.

It's a simple enough question.

I'm only asking where you've been for the past three hours.

We don't need to tell you, because you haven't got a warrant.

I don't need one. I'm only asking you a question.

We've been here, haven't we?

Yeah.

What about you?

He's been here with us.

You heard anything from downstairs? Glass smashing...?

We haven't heard anything. Has something happened?

Mr and Mrs Murray have had a break-in.

And you think we did it?

I'm only asking if, as their nearest neighbours, you've heard anything.

Typical! First sign of trouble, you come knocking on our door.

We've not done anything, all right? We've been here.

I've been applying for jobs, they've helped me.

She won't believe you. We're going to be guilty, aren't we?

Cos you've got a conviction for nicking.

That's it - you've got a record now, you're marked.

So no-one's ever going to give you a job, ever.

What's that boost? Have some of that!

Shut up!

-Oh!

-No, no, no, no, no!

EXPLOSION IN GAME

-Get in there!

-Pathetic!

You've got to do better than that. What's the matter with you?

No, look, it's the controller. Ricky spilt some honey in it.

-Oh, shut up!

-He did, I'm telling you!

That's three games on the spin, that is.

How did that camping trip go?

Yeah, good. It only rained once.

Got to spend some quality time with the kids.

Yeah, well, there's nothing better, is there?

What about the nanny? Did she get in the way?

No, no, she was good.

Actually, not just for the kids, you know.

She reminded me you've got to live in the here and now, ain't you?

-Good advice.

-Yeah.

I kissed her.

-Ooh, yeah?

-Yeah.

And I'm regretting it now.

I mean, I think I've sorted it all out, but...

It just is what it is. It just happened.

Yeah, but why? She's a good little sort.

Yeah, that's not why I kissed her.

You know, it just... It happened.

Yeah, you got caught up in the moment?

Yeah, yeah, something like that.

I think sometimes it's easy to let your feelings for one woman

-get confused with another.

-Mm.

Anyway, come on, then, how about best of three?

-Yeah!

-I'm telling you...

I'm thinking yellow-and-orange tartan, cos Pearl and me,

we can carry yellow and orange.

Linda, can I have a word?

Course.

I'm just going to go, but I just wanted to say...

..it was a great evening.

Oh! Thanks.

And the bar snacks were spot on.

I think we're really getting somewhere. Bye.

-KAREN:

-Ain't had a job for 13 years. I mean, I'm a carer.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love a cushty little job, but, you know,

it's just not worth me while, you know, they just cut your benefits.

My son, he's going through it all at the moment.

I mean, there's no hope for kids like them and your Shakil.

My Shakil will be going to university,

so he won't have a problem getting a job.

Dole office is full of graduates signing on.

Well, they don't have Shaki's determination.

She hasn't bought a drink all night.

And she's cadging off the rest of us. Makes me sick.

And to...

I don't want any trouble.

No, no, no, I just thought you could use some company.

It's just... I know what it's like to be low on funds.

I've sort of been there myself.

Can I get you a drink?

Cheers.

So Sharon's my oldest mate, and Linda is a friend of Sharon's

but that doesn't mean we should be mates, does it?

Some people are just not on the same wavelength, and other people...

Just click?

I'm glad you came.

Well...

if I've learnt anything this past year, it's life's way too short

to let something good slip through your fingers.

What makes you think I'm something good?

Same way I know you're getting a kick out of all your friends

watching us - intuition.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Whatever you want, I'm not in the mood.

Just been to visit my dad's memorial.

It's the anniversary of Jase's death today.

Phil's told me.

Yeah?

How does it feel, being married to a murderer?

I know he didn't do it on purpose.

-It was a mistake.

-A mistake?

Yes. A big, horrible, tragic mistake,

but it was a mistake, Jay.

Now, Phil has been there for you all these years...

-He chucked me out of this house!

-And he's regretted it!

Every row you've had, every argument,

every door slam, I have seen how it's affected him.

Now, regardless of who your real dad was, Phil has loved you,

he's taken care of you, he's fought your battles,

-you know he has.

-I could have grown up completely different!

But you didn't.

You have grown up the best part as one of us.

Part of this family.

Now, you have to find a way to forgive Phil,

because if you don't, it will rip us apart. All of us.

Is that what you think of us?!

It was all of you round here, asking for money for the electrics.

And you wouldn't give us any. That makes us burglars, does it?

You nicked that bench, didn't you?

It was a bench! It wasn't harming anyone. This is your home!

I could never...

Well...there's your brother.

We had nothing to do with this.

You know, I'm not going to change your mind, so...what's the point?

You'll have to forgive us. We've had a shock.

Things get said.

Yeah, well...

..must not have been nice.

Was much taken?

Personal things.

Always the way, innit? Things you can't replace.

Er...

I can get a bit of wood cut, if you like,

till you get the glass replaced.

I've a mate who owes me.

That's very kind of you.

Isn't it, Ted?

Yes.

Thank you.

I'll go get me measure.

Look, anyone would think...

DOOR SLAMS

Anyone would think the same!

Yeah, they probably would.

I'm going to put the kettle on.

Right, I'll have to go in a bit. Haven't had any dinner yet.

Me neither.

-How about a curry?

-Ooh, nice!

But before we go, why don't we give the ladies

something to really talk about?

-So that's a white wine for Carmel, and...

-Thanks, Den.

-A rum and black?

-Yeah, it's for Karen.

What's she like?

She's a mum,

and by the sounds of it, she's not had it very easy.

Right, that's £15.60, please. None of us have had it easy.

-We don't all go round punching Sharon in the face, do we?

-What?

Unless she crosses me again, I'm prepared to let bygones be bygones.

Cos everyone deserves a second chance, don't they?

Anyway, I bet Mick's relieved that you're back.

It's been a long time.

And he's had it hard, you know.

Oh, that's all I keep hearing! I mean, what was I meant to do?

-My mum had had a stroke!

-I'm just saying...

I suppose you'll tell me next how wonderful Whitney's been,

-and what a great a team her and Mick are?

-Linda...

You OK?

I, er...

I had to come back.

Mick called me,

said he'd started to have feelings for...

Oh.

OK, well, look...

I'm glad he's told you, and it's all in the past.

I've got to admit, I didn't know what to think

when I saw them at the hospital.

What?

After the bus crash. I saw them kissing.

And you know what? I've wondered about telling you,

and I just sort of felt like it's not any of my business.

But, like I say, come on, it's good he's told you.

And clearly, you're fine with Whitney now, ain't you?