Billy's Olympic Nightmare EastEnders


Billy's Olympic Nightmare

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MUSIC: "Fanfare For The Common Man" by Emerson, Lake And Palmer

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STARTING PISTOL FIRES

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CROWD CHEERS

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CHEERING

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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LAUGHTER

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What?!

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Oh...

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Oh, I just had that dream again.

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The one where you dropped the torch or your trousers fall down? Both.

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I'm losing it. Yeah, I can see that. This is just a bit of maintenance.

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Can't carry the Olympic torch with dirty fingernails, can I?

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You won't be carrying it at all if you don't get to the meeting.

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I've got plenty of time. I ain't got to be there till 12.

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And it's just gone 11.30. No.

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Good luck.

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No, no, no. Come on, mate! Play the game.

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Hey, taxi!

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White City, please, mate. Get in.

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Excuse me, is you an athlete? Hey? Oh, no, no. I didn't think so.

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It's your chest, it's like a pigeon, isn't it?

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Your face, it just says that, what is it? "I'm a loser."

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Actually, I'm an official Olympic torchbearer.

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I'm going to be on the telly.

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I read about them people.

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Heroes, every single one of them. That is right.

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So how comes you was chosen? Can we just get going, please? Of course.

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Actually, I could have been an athlete.

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One of them dancing girls with a ribbon, maybe!

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HE LAUGHS

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I kill myself sometimes!

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BEEPS HORN

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You know, I'm Greek, yeah. Now, we know how to put on the Olympics.

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The Brits, hmm. You know what, the Brits, they're not winners, are they?

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They're too polite to win. It's all like, "Sorry, sorry."

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Yeah, mate, I am in a bit of a hurry here. I'm a British boxer, yeah?

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Pang, you're down. "Ooh, did I knock you out? Sorry."

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"I can throw this javelin further than you,

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"but I won't, cos if I win, that'd be rude. Sorry."

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Too polite, the Brits, gets on my nerves, you know?

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Sorry. Always apologising.

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And you run like a girl!

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MAN: It's really exciting. Seven years ago, we won this bid and it's just around the corner now,

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so turning that dream into reality, absolutely fantastic.

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Kriss, I cannot believe that your last Olympics was 1992!

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It was like yesterday. I know, I'm an old fella now.

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We're all getting older, aren't we?

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I tell you what, I would love to be at these Games. Who is this guy?

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Sorry, I'm late. One of the torchbearers.

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You've just missed them. We've already done that item.

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Oh, you're kidding me? What's going on?

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Who are you, then? Mark Foster. Akabusi. Are you not torchbearers?

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THEY LAUGH

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We're very sorry about this. Can we get security in here, please?

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No, you're all right, I'll see myself out. Don't worry about it.

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Once I'm gone, you can do it again, can't you? We're live, you idiot.

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Live? Idiot? That's nice, isn't it?

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I used to fancy you.

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Right, well, here's something to get your teeth into...

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Torch boy. I missed them.

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They've gone to Wembley stadium.

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You know, the Greeks, we knew how to build a stadium.

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Pillars and columns as far as the eye could see.

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Yeah, mate, can you just shut up and put your foot down? Go!

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There you go.

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Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

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Keep the change.

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Who is he? The Terminator?

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BILLY WHISTLES

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Well, with me today here at Wembley is a gold medallist

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who's competed in a record six Olympic Games -

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it's only Tessa Sanderson. Hi, Sonali. Hello.

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Did you know that Wembley is the biggest of the six stadiums

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that's been used in the Olympics?

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It's hosting the men's football and the women's football as well.

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All right? Oh, hello. Don't suppose you're a torchbearer, are you?

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This is Tessa Sanderson.

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Oh, of course it is. Sorry about that.

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So are you a torchbearer, then? Do I look like a torchbearer?

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They were here. You just missed them. Oh, not again.

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I-I'm sorry, Tessa. I'm sorry, darling. S-Sorry.

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Let's hope all our torchbearers are as bright and punctual as that one.

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Shall we go again? Oi, missy. I heard that.

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This is supposed to be my moment. Look, I'm really sorry,

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it's just we're in the middle of filming... Whoa, hang on a minute.

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You are very attractive when you're angry, do you know that?

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No, it's all right. I'm going, I'm going.

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1984. Los Angeles.

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I had a massive crush on you.

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Told you you run like a girl.

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I tell you... Shut it, you.

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I've had enough, all right?

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If you'd have put your foot down, I wouldn't have missed them.

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Now, I've got one more chance. West Ham. Go.

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Did they really choose you out of all those people to carry a torch?

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HE LAUGHS DERISIVELY

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Hello? Help!

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PANTING: Now, please...

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Please tell me that all you lot are torchbearers.

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Yeah, that's right. Oh...

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Oh, you've got no idea what I've been through to get here today.

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Yeah, I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro for charity.

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I work with young chefs and inspire them to become great chefs of the future.

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I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 23

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and started a charity called CoppaFeel.

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Well, I do a lot of volunteer work to help the community.

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Right. So, what about you?

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Me?

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Oh, I...

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I...

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GATES CLANG Oh, look - we're in!

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Come on, then. OK.

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I've been looking forward to this. Yeah, definitely, yeah.

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All right, mate.

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Pass, please.

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No, I... Hang on a minute.

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It was here a minute ago. No pass, no entry.

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Oh, come on, mate. I must be on a list or something.

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You've got the chance to be the bigger man here, ain't you?

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Come on, please.

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Oh, don't be like that!

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Hey!

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Hey!

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ECHOING VOICES OUTSIDE

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FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

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Are you all right?

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Just having one of those days.

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I should probably take it as a sign.

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I don't really belong here.

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You're not giving up, are you?

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I feel like it.

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D'you know what I do when I feel like that? What?

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I think about why I'm doing it.

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Yeah?

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You deserve to be here. Yeah?

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I ain't a hero. I'm a loser.

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You must have done something.

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I'm a good dad.

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I may not be a hero to anyone else, but I am to my kids.

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I've got two of them.

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And a granddaughter.

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And a great-grandchild on the way.

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See, that's good, isn't it? You see,

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I really want them to be proud of me.

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And...I know I'm not perfect...

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and I might not have always done the right thing, but...

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I've tried.

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All my life, I've tried.

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And that's what the Olympics is all about, innit? Trying.

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I'm here now, aren't I?

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I mean, this...this is where I live, London, this is my town.

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I was born just up the road.

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Just think...

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soon, everyone's going to be down here.

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The whole world is going to be watching us.

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And it's going to be our moment to shine. London's moment to shine.

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Britain's moment. God!

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All 60 million of us that make Britain great,

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it's going to be our moment to shine.

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Huh!

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No, Billy Mitchell.

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It's your moment to shine.

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You left this in the back of me cab.

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I'm sorry.

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All right, I was wrong. Like I said, Hercules was wrong, all right?

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Now, you may have the chest of a pigeon, eh?

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You may run like a girl,

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you may have in indescribable aura of downtrodden, working-class negativity.

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It's part of your charm, it's part of being British.

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But you, my friend, you deserve to be here.

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Eh?

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Go. Get out there

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and show the world what you're made of.

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Come on, come on! Go on, son, go on!

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Go on! Come on!

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CHEERING

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HE MOUTHS

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Look how proud she's made him. What are you doing here?

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You're having a laugh,

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I'm dreaming this, aren't I? Yeah, but it's a good dream.

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At least your trousers haven't fallen off and you haven't dropped the torch.

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Enjoy it, Billy Mitchell, enjoy your moments.

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Pops...

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Pops...

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Pops... Pops.

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Pops.

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You're dreaming again.

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Yeah. It looks like it. Which one was it this time,

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where your trousers fall down or you drop the torch? Neither.

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This was a good one.

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But what are you doing anyway?

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Oh, nothing. Nothing.

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Well, come on, then.

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Let's go home, eh?

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Yeah?

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Come on. Come on, let's go.

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It was an amazing dream I had. Yeah? Kelly Holmes was in it.

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Loads of famous people.

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But d'you know what? I'm not bothered any more.

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I wouldn't have even thought of holding that torch.

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Yeah? Yeah.

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Wait, wait, traffic.

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Hey-hey!

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So, are you going to be all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I'm just going to enjoy my moment.

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Come on, then, home.

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Watch your step.

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