Mommie Dearest Feud: Bette and Joan


Mommie Dearest

Drama series. A truce seems on the cards when both actresses reveal hardships in their lives, but hostilities soon break out again.


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Transcript


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Ew. How are you doing that?

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It's so easy. I'll show you.

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Oh, we're not allowed to smoke.

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You don't inhale. That's the whole point.

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Boys love it.

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Here, you try.

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-JOAN:

-Kathy!

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What are you doing?

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Why don't you girls go back to my dressing room, please?

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Thank you.

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I'll be speaking to your mother about this, miss.

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This programme contains some strong language

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This programme contains some scenes of a sexual nature

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I want you to stay away from that girl.

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When you see her again, no need to be rude,

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just wish her a crisp "good morning" and keep moving.

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There.

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Oh, Mamacita, that's lovely.

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Mm-hm.

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I believe I'll have the veal tonight, Michael, please -

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and, Mamacita, I noticed you were eyeing the liver.

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Yeah, with onions.

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And fish sticks for you, girls?

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May we have steak?

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-SHE LAUGHS

-Oh.

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Oh, they grow up so fast.

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SHE CHUCKLES

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Two filets, Michael, please.

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Very rare.

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Thank you.

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Mother, may we take off these bows?

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Everybody's staring.

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That's not why they're staring, dear heart.

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Oh, Miss Joan, before I forget...

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What's this?

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It's the card to go with the flowers you're sending to Miss Christina.

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She's opening in her play tomorrow night.

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No.

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No, I don't believe I will.

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Do you think my mother ever sent me flowers?

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Do you think she ever sent me anything?

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I was earning my own room and board by the time

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I was 12 years old, scrubbing toilets,

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but did I complain?

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Not once.

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Did I expect cards and flowers? Never.

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But I'll tell you what, it made me tough.

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Gave me ambition.

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No, we'll...

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we'll see how her reviews are, and then...

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we'll think about sending flowers.

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You may go to the powder room and remove your bows,

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if that's what you wish.

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But don't come back looking dishevelled.

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-Thank you, Mommy.

-Thank you, Mommy.

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Here, let me see that.

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Mamacita, let me see that.

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And a pen.

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-WOMAN:

-These are the second and third choices

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for the neighbour girl.

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Yeah, they're not a patch on the girl I had to let go.

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How about her? She just came off of Wagon Train.

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Yeah, looks like she was pulling it.

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That is why we're recasting, isn't it?

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-The first one was too pretty?

-Who's too pretty?

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Tony Curtis. Which is why I'm still refusing his dinner invitations.

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I need to speak with Bob.

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He is all yours. Well, half yours.

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Uh...

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I think it's best to be direct in these matters.

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What happened Friday night was wonderful,

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but it can't happen again.

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Oh, Bette, you don't know how happy I am to hear you say that.

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I was looking at Harriet this morning, and I thought,

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"Oh, this...this can't happen again." You're right.

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I agree with you completely.

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Good.

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But did you have to agree so quickly?

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THEY BOTH LAUGH

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What's all this?

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-Oh, cannon fodder.

-Possible replacements for the girl

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that you and Crawford had me can.

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Here are the revised pages, Dad.

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-Thank you, honey.

-Adell, such a professional young lady.

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How are you finding things? Enjoying yourself?

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Oh, it's a real thrill. I feel like I'm learning so much.

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You're doing a marvellous job.

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Oh, thank you, Miss Davis.

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Bette, don't coddle her.

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You promised me you'd be as tough on her

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as you would any other script girl.

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I just admire that you make your pictures a family affair.

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-It's called nepotism. The town runs on it.

-That is so true.

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Perhaps we should cast my daughter as the neighbour girl.

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-SHE LAUGHS

-Hey, that's not a bad idea.

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-No, I'm joking, Bob.

-No, come on! BD's the right age.

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She's got the right amount of teenage sass.

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She is not an actress.

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Well, look who her mother is, for Christ's sake.

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The apple can't fall that far from the tree.

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Now, you say she doesn't understand you,

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doesn't appreciate how hard you work for her.

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Well, give her a pair of your shoes, and let her walk around for a while.

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And what would Crawford think about that?

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She has a daughter who's actually an actress, you know.

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Christina's too old for the part.

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She's adopted. She could be talented.

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SHE LAUGHS

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KNOCK AT DOOR Yeah.

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Bette, I'm sorry.

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I would have waited to bring this up,

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but I just felt like I couldn't do my best work today

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with it weighing on my mind.

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It's about BD.

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Oh, Christ, I planned to talk to you about this after we wrapped.

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Did she already say something?

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I just want you to know, I was not unkind,

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though I was quite firm.

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Well, what are you talking about?

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Your daughter was corrupting my twins.

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I caught them smoking.

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I already told her to steer clear of your tots,

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and she knows she is not supposed to smoke.

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Well, perhaps you can keep a little tighter reign on her.

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Sure - but let me ask you something.

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I see the way your girls are.

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They're like two well-trained Pomeranians.

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Just what is your secret?

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My secret?

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Well, uh...

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I've always been a strict disciplinarian.

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Some people, perhaps, find that I've been too strict,

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especially with my first two,

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Christina and Christopher.

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I find that giving children a task to perform occupies the mind,

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and gives them a real sense of accomplishment and responsibility.

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I mean, my twins, for instance, they just love sewing and cooking.

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That's a good idea. So, Crawfish..

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..what do you say we toss back a few after work tonight?

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JOAN LAUGHS

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You and me?

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I'll buy.

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All right.

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And close the door.

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-What?

-The door.

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-Close it?

-Yeah.

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So, I had just wanted to thank you.

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Thank me? For what?

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For your advice.

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I'm putting BD to work on the picture.

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Bob wants her to play the neighbour girl.

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Really?

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-I see.

-SHE LAUGHS

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That's why you asked me here,

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because you were afraid I would make a stink.

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I know what do you think of me, Bette.

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I know what you've always thought of me.

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I know what you think of my mothering.

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Well, I just want to say that if I appear to be overprotective

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or worry too much about my children,

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it's only because I had a mother who didn't care whether I lived or died.

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Threw me out like a pair of old shoes.

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-SHE CHUCKLES

-Shipped me off to convent school

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when I was 12.

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-Maybe she was trying to protect your virtue.

-Oh, no. No, no, no.

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That ship had sailed. She knew that.

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You lost your cherry when you were 12?

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11.

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Christ!

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I didn't even get a tingle till I was 25,

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and then I waited another two years before I did the deed,

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and that was on my goddamn honeymoon.

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Well, in the desert that was my childhood,

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I was grateful for any kind of genuine affection,

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to feel cherished.

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Who was the lucky Cub Scout?

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My mother's second husband, Henry Cassin.

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He was a lovely man.

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Meant the world to me.

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Well, we called him Daddy Cassin, but he wasn't really my daddy.

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We weren't blood relations, so it wasn't incest.

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But he was kind and gentle, and he loved me.

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I led him into it.

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You were just a child.

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Your mother should have kicked him out.

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Well, perhaps, but I was glad to get out of there.

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-JOAN LAUGHS

-Get away from my mother.

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I mean, the nuns were brutal, but nothing compared

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to the way my mother treated me.

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The nuns actually taught me a great deal,

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things I still cherish -

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discipline, the importance of cleanliness and order.

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Well, after my father ditched us,

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we were also sent off to a boarding school.

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Not nuns.

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Puritan Yankees.

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You know, lots of fresh air, no electricity,

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naked baths in the snow.

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I loved it.

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Made me tough.

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Course it was very difficult

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being separated from my mother, but she had to work.

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I mean, and work she did, like a dog, until we were reunited.

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And then she never left my side to the end of her days.

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She, um...

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She died only last year.

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Do you miss her?

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Yes.

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Yes.

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I think maybe sh...

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She was my only true female friend.

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You're lucky.

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Look, we don't have to be best pals,

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just allies.

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We both want the same thing -

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for this picture to be a success.

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Well, I'm sure it will be, thanks to you.

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You're a shoo-in for Best Actress.

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I'm too old to even think about awards.

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-SHE CHUCKLES

-There, you see that?

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Even that was almost convincing.

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I mean it, Lucille.

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I'm going to support this picture

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even if it means supporting you, too.

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That story you were set to run, I don't think you should.

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-HEDDA:

-'Don't go soft on me now. We have a strategy.'

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If you want to steal the picture, we should stick to it.

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-But she'll know it came from me.

-'How?'

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Anyone on that set could've complained

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about her offensive body odour.

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But nobody works under those lights in such close contact as I do.

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-She'll know.

-HEDDA CHUCKLES

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Well, I'll be damned.

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Joan Crawford, Miss Crystal Allen herself,

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is actually losing her nerve.

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'No, it's just that I think I am beginning

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'to understand her a little bit.'

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I mean, she's a single mother working in Hollywood.

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I don't think you can begin to appreciate, Hedda,

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just how tough that can be.

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You know, Joan, I could've gone out

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and bought myself a passel of brats, too, but why bother?

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The town's already full of 'em.

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There's no need to be small.

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Remind me to tell you that on Oscar night

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when she picks up the award for Best Actress.

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You said he was from Broadway. He's not. I checked.

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All his stage work is from San Diego.

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Yeah, the Old Globe. He's a distinguished Shakespearian actor.

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Oh, I'm sure his Falstaff is the talk of Tijuana.

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-Oh, Christ, look at him.

-He's eating because he's nervous.

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Look, let's just get through this rehearsal, then see how you feel.

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Nobody's that nervous.

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-Hi, Mom!

-Uh, why are you reading it as if you're thrilled to see me?

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You're watching a shitty Crawford picture on television.

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You're distracted. Try it again.

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I always think it's nice to break bread with strangers, don't you?

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Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

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Sorry.

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Bob, don't you think it would be better

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if I just took the entire plate from her?

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BOB CHUCKLES Knock yourself out. I ain't hungry.

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Ha! Oh. Oh, that reaction is priceless.

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I imagine that would be Jane's reaction, too -

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taken aback by Edwin's boorishness.

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She'd wonder, "Is this man a sophisticated artist

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"or a cheap pig?"

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I guess she'll find out.

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I guess she will.

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And then the television talks,

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"When your dog says woof, feed him Iliad."

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Then I say to the TV, "Oh, shut up."

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Now you talk some more.

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OK, Bette, you'll hear the buzz, you go upstairs to confront Blanche.

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Then, Victor, you're left here on your own to explore. OK?

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Well, how come we never see her around?

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We've been living next door to them for six months now

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and the only one I ever see is that fat sister

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slouching around.

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Get ready. And...buzz.

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Will you please excuse me?

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Oh, certainly.

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You like him.

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I like talent.

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You know, Julie says that sister is kind of peculiar.

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Did you ever notice that?

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No, I never have.

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You're good.

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Oh.

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It's like Mommy just gave me a new pony.

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I'm awful, aren't I?

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You'll get better.

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KNOCK AT DOOR Yeah.

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I just got off the phone with Hopper.

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She wanted me to comment on a story.

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What story?

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Bette. Bette...

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Where's your wheelchair?

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It's on the set, of course. Why?

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Because you're going to need it after I break your goddamn legs.

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Where do you get off telling Hopper

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that you're going to be in the Best Actress category

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and I've decided to be in Supporting?

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-It was your idea.

-What? Have you lost your mind?

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Ha, well, now, she'd had a bit to drink, that's true,

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but she seemed lucid and certainly sincere.

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You said you didn't care about awards,

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that you wanted to support me.

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And you took that to mean that I would go into Supporting

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and hand you Lead Actress?

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Well, I thought it was a collegial gesture.

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I mean, after all, you have bookend Oscars.

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I've only got one.

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Well, you tell Hopper to print this -

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I'm not sharing shit with you.

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And let me tell you something else,

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I'm going to be the first person to have three Oscars.

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Even though everyone knows I already should have,

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because I got robbed in 1950.

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That's certainly ungracious, yes, and dismissive

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of Miss Judy Holliday's winsome performance.

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She won by default!

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That bitch Anne Baxter, she pushed her way into my category

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and we split the vote.

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That's why she won.

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Well, need I remind you that, unlike Eve,

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you and I share equal billing on this.

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-We're both leads.

-Ladies, why are we fighting about the Oscars?

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We haven't even finished making this movie yet.

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Can we please concentrate on the matter at hand?

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-There's room for both of you to succeed.

-Ha, in this town?

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-Are you nuts?

-Fuck off, Bob.

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And it was Gloria Swanson who was robbed in 1950,

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not you, bitch!

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DOORS SLAM

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Well, boss, it looks like you got yourself

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another war picture after all.

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-BIKE BELL RINGS

-Good morning, Frank.

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-I trust you had a restful weekend.

-JOAN CHUCKLES

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Oh, Mamacita, don't you just love a Monday?

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-Good morning.

-Morning.

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This is going to be a long goddamn week.

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-BELL RINGS

-OK, Bette, I need the same energy.

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You come bursting through the door and then you rush over to Blanche.

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OK?

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You rush over to the bed,

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you untie her,

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lift her off the bed,

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drag her to the door.

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Joan, Blanche is passed out.

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OK? So you just lie slack. You're dead weight.

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I'll say she is.

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-OK. Here we go.

-BELL RINGS

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-MAN:

-Roll camera!

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-MAN:

-Speed!

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And action!

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BETTE PANTS

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Blanche. Blanche.

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You-you...

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you got to...got to...help me.

0:19:080:19:12

Here, we've got to leave.

0:19:120:19:14

Leave. Please.

0:19:140:19:16

Please, Blanche.

0:19:160:19:18

Blanche!

0:19:180:19:20

Please!

0:19:200:19:22

BETTE GRUNTS

0:19:220:19:23

-JOAN GIGGLES

-Cut!

0:19:230:19:26

-Cut!

-BELL RINGS

0:19:260:19:28

-OK, let's do it again.

-Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm ticklish.

0:19:280:19:32

It's OK, Joan. It's OK. We'll do it again. No problem.

0:19:320:19:34

-Are you ready?

-OK, keep it together.

0:19:340:19:37

-Back to one.

-BELL RINGS

0:19:370:19:38

-Roll camera!

-Speed!

0:19:380:19:40

And...action!

0:19:400:19:42

BETTE GRUNTS JOAN COUGHS

0:19:420:19:45

-Cut!

-I'm sorry! I'm sorry.

0:19:450:19:48

-Must be the dust.

-Back to one.

0:19:490:19:51

BETTE SLURPS

0:19:540:19:58

-Cut.

-Cut.

-I'm sorry.

-What?

0:20:010:20:04

Does she have to stand there?

0:20:040:20:06

She's not the director. Why is she standing there?

0:20:060:20:08

If I were the director,

0:20:080:20:09

I'd tell you to do it again and again until it was convincing.

0:20:090:20:12

Bette, please.

0:20:120:20:14

-MAN:

-Speed!

-OK, you ready, Bette?

0:20:140:20:16

-Yeah.

-And action.

0:20:160:20:18

Oh, that face.

0:20:210:20:24

Right into camera.

0:20:240:20:26

-SHE CHUCKLES

-This really is a horror picture.

0:20:260:20:28

-Cut!

-BELL RINGS

0:20:280:20:29

All right, let's do it again.

0:20:290:20:31

Maybe we'll actually get it right this time.

0:20:310:20:32

-I really think this will be the one.

-That's encouraging,

0:20:320:20:35

since you don't actually have to do anything.

0:20:350:20:37

-Roll camera!

-Speed!

0:20:370:20:39

-Action.

-BETTE GRUNTS

0:20:390:20:41

BETTE GROANS JOAN LAUGHS

0:20:410:20:43

Oh, what the fuck? Cut!

0:20:430:20:44

And I know what you're trying to do.

0:20:440:20:46

I'm not trying to do anything.

0:20:460:20:48

Honestly, Jane.

0:20:480:20:50

BETTE GRUNTS

0:20:510:20:53

-And cut.

-BELL RINGS

0:20:560:20:58

-BETTE GRUNTS

-Bette, cut!

0:20:580:21:00

Cut! All right, moving on.

0:21:000:21:02

Joan, we're going to need you in here for the medium shots.

0:21:020:21:05

BETTE GRUNTS JOAN GROANS

0:21:060:21:09

Ah!

0:21:120:21:13

Ow!

0:21:150:21:17

Oh! Goddamn it!

0:21:170:21:19

-Cut, cut, cut, cut.

-Oh, Christ!

-Are you OK?

0:21:190:21:21

-She did that on purpose!

-I barely touched her.

0:21:210:21:24

Oh, Jesus. Well, are you just going to stand there, you bastard?!

0:21:240:21:28

Did you get it?

0:21:280:21:30

BETTE GRUNTS

0:21:300:21:33

Help me.

0:21:360:21:38

Leave. BETTE GRUNTS

0:21:380:21:41

-And cut!

-Oh! Son of a bitch! BELL RINGS

0:21:410:21:45

Get me an osteopath, for God's sakes.

0:21:450:21:47

-What's wrong? What's wrong?

-BETTE GROANS

0:21:470:21:49

Jesus. Oh, my God! Don't touch me.

0:21:490:21:51

-OK.

-Can we do it again?

-No, no.

-Oh, are you kidding me?

0:21:510:21:53

Don't even think about it.

0:21:530:21:55

LOUD THUD

0:21:550:21:58

I mean, it must be awful.

0:21:580:22:01

You know, Julie says that sister is kind of peculiar.

0:22:010:22:04

Christ, this is painful.

0:22:040:22:07

Oh, come on, Bette, it's not that bad.

0:22:070:22:09

Don't condescend, Bob. She's awful.

0:22:090:22:12

-ON FILM:

-Like a regular sentence, you know?

0:22:120:22:14

L-Like just a regular person talking.

0:22:140:22:15

Like, here? OK.

0:22:150:22:17

Try just a little less. Just a-a...

0:22:170:22:20

-Start again, start again.

-OK. From the top, or...?

0:22:200:22:23

Maybe you could put her dialogue off camera.

0:22:230:22:26

You're overreacting. It's a small part. She'll be fine.

0:22:260:22:28

-I guess she should know.

-She's beautiful.

0:22:280:22:30

She's not an actress.

0:22:300:22:32

No, she's not.

0:22:320:22:34

-ON FILM:

-Try as if you were talking to your best friend.

0:22:340:22:38

She should be billed as BD Merrill, not Davis.

0:22:380:22:41

Julie says that sister is...

0:22:410:22:43

-ON FILM:

-A little louder.

-What? That's her name.

0:22:430:22:46

He adopted her. Legally.

0:22:460:22:47

You know, Julie says that sister is kind of peculiar.

0:22:470:22:51

-Did you ever notice that?

-Oh, God.

0:22:510:22:53

-What should I say to her?

-Well, she's your kid.

0:22:530:22:56

You're not going to tell her she stinks on ice.

0:22:560:22:58

You'll... You'll lie to her.

0:22:580:23:00

Don't they ever have company?

0:23:000:23:02

I mean, it must be awful.

0:23:020:23:05

Well, I think you're good. Really good.

0:23:050:23:08

You don't know what that means to me, coming from you.

0:23:080:23:11

Sure, I do. All the queens love me. HE SIGHS

0:23:110:23:15

It's true.

0:23:150:23:17

Do it again.

0:23:170:23:18

Fine.

0:23:190:23:22

What a dump! HE GASPS DELIGHTEDLY

0:23:220:23:24

-SHE CHUCKLES

-Oh, it's marvellous.

0:23:240:23:26

HE SIGHS

0:23:260:23:28

You know, I think it's so admirable the way you've embraced my tribe.

0:23:280:23:32

The truth is, I only really knew I'd made it

0:23:320:23:35

once the female impersonators started doing me in their acts.

0:23:350:23:38

That guarantees you're leaving behind a real legacy.

0:23:380:23:41

Ah, the only real legacy is children.

0:23:410:23:44

Not all destined to become parents, but we are all somebody's child.

0:23:470:23:52

And your mother. She loves you? Supports you?

0:23:520:23:54

Mother's always been just...

0:23:570:23:59

..very supportive.

0:23:590:24:02

Good.

0:24:030:24:04

We have to love our kids, no matter what.

0:24:040:24:08

Like my Margot.

0:24:080:24:09

Oh. Who's Margot?

0:24:090:24:12

My youngest. We adopted her when she was just a baby.

0:24:120:24:15

Sweet little thing.

0:24:150:24:17

By the time she was three,

0:24:170:24:18

it was clear she wasn't like other children.

0:24:180:24:21

She was diagnosed mentally retarded.

0:24:210:24:24

Oh. I'm so sorry.

0:24:240:24:27

She's in a special school in Maine.

0:24:270:24:29

She gets everything she needs.

0:24:290:24:30

And it ain't cheap, let me tell you that.

0:24:300:24:33

It's one of the main reasons I'm doing this picture,

0:24:330:24:35

is to pay her tuition.

0:24:350:24:36

Mother. I'd like to run lines.

0:24:360:24:39

I'm already doing that with Mr Buono, sweetheart.

0:24:390:24:41

But I have a scene that shoots tomorrow.

0:24:410:24:43

Oh, well, then, you should be in bed getting your beauty rest.

0:24:430:24:47

I want to do a good job.

0:24:500:24:51

I'm sure you'll do your best, BD.

0:24:510:24:54

Goodnight.

0:24:550:24:57

So, page 75.

0:25:050:25:07

Oh, yes.

0:25:070:25:09

Girls? Mommy's home.

0:25:170:25:20

Girls?

0:25:240:25:26

Girls!

0:25:300:25:32

They're not here. Don't you remember?

0:25:400:25:42

They start camp today. Two weeks.

0:25:420:25:44

Of course. I guess I'm going to have to get used to it.

0:25:440:25:48

To camp?

0:25:480:25:49

No, to this - coming home to this awful silence.

0:25:490:25:55

You deserve silence. Children are hard work.

0:25:560:26:01

Once the work is done, silence is the reward.

0:26:010:26:04

Reward?

0:26:040:26:05

You know, Mamacita, one of the things I loved most

0:26:050:26:09

about having these children, all of them,

0:26:090:26:13

was that no matter what I was doing,

0:26:130:26:16

making a picture, or out for an event,

0:26:160:26:20

the mad rush that was once my life,

0:26:200:26:24

was that I'd always come home to this wonderful noise and joy.

0:26:240:26:32

JOAN CHUCKLES AND SNIFFLES

0:26:320:26:36

Well, it's the condition of being a professional woman, I suppose.

0:26:360:26:40

Maybe all women.

0:26:400:26:43

One day, you...

0:26:430:26:45

..you wake up and you find...

0:26:450:26:48

JOAN SOBS QUIETLY

0:26:480:26:51

..you've no husband,

0:26:510:26:54

your career is over,

0:26:540:26:58

the children are grown and left the nest,

0:26:580:27:02

and all you're left with is yourself.

0:27:020:27:06

Yes, women outlive men, children leave -

0:27:060:27:11

best get used to it.

0:27:110:27:13

JOAN CHUCKLES

0:27:130:27:15

Oh, Mamacita.

0:27:150:27:17

JOAN LAUGHS

0:27:170:27:19

How I love your Teutonic pragmatism.

0:27:190:27:23

No, you're right. It's no tragedy.

0:27:230:27:26

It's simply a new chapter, that's all.

0:27:260:27:29

And me being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely.

0:27:290:27:34

Does it?

0:27:340:27:36

JOAN CHUCKLES

0:27:390:27:40

I'll embrace the change of things to come

0:27:400:27:44

and really learn how to enjoy me.

0:27:440:27:48

OK.

0:27:480:27:49

Goodnight.

0:27:510:27:53

SHE SNIFFLES

0:28:010:28:03

GUNSHOTS

0:28:180:28:21

GUNSHOTS ON TV CONTINUE

0:28:210:28:23

-TV:

-Don't shoot! We give up!

0:28:230:28:25

How about you, Nevada?

0:28:250:28:26

More sandwich?

0:28:260:28:28

-TV:

-You'll have to come and get me.

-JOAN SIGHS

0:28:280:28:30

-Drop your gun.

-Thank you, Mamacita.

0:28:300:28:33

GUNSHOTS ON TV

0:28:330:28:35

-SHE INHALES

-I want the dirt.

0:28:430:28:46

You'll have to settle for sand.

0:28:460:28:48

-JOAN:

-Oh, you think she's hard to take on a sound stage?

0:28:520:28:55

My God, you should see her in the wild.

0:28:550:28:57

-HEDDA LAUGHS

-In broad daylight, it's horrifying.

0:28:570:29:00

BETTE: Coca-Cola, Bob?

0:29:000:29:02

-You're a bad girl, Bette.

-BETTE CHUCKLES

0:29:020:29:04

-So, where's the Queen of Sheba?

-In her dressing room.

0:29:040:29:06

She's coming.

0:29:060:29:07

All those years of alcohol abuse have exacted a terrible price.

0:29:070:29:12

Christ. It's 100 degrees, and she's drunk.

0:29:160:29:20

'And so unprofessional.

0:29:200:29:21

'She refused a mobile dressing room,

0:29:210:29:23

'insisted on being ferried back and forth to a motel,

0:29:230:29:27

'while the rest of us sat and waited for her

0:29:270:29:30

'in the scorching sun.'

0:29:300:29:31

That's scandalous.

0:29:310:29:33

It's warm, Mamacita. I'm going to need my water standing by.

0:29:330:29:37

Which water?

0:29:370:29:38

Joan.

0:29:380:29:40

Bob.

0:29:400:29:42

Joan.

0:29:420:29:44

Good morning.

0:29:440:29:46

Let me show you where you're going to be dying.

0:29:460:29:48

I'm going to have to go back to my dressing room for a moment,

0:29:480:29:51

but I'll be right back.

0:29:510:29:52

Your dressing room's 100 yards away. Let's rehearse the scene first.

0:29:520:29:55

Mamacita, get the driver.

0:29:550:29:57

CAR DOOR CLOSES

0:29:570:29:59

I'll be right back.

0:29:590:30:01

Lucky she's laying on her back all day.

0:30:040:30:06

For her, it was just another day at the beach,

0:30:060:30:09

but for me, I really had to draw on some very deep feelings.

0:30:090:30:15

It took all the skill that I had

0:30:170:30:19

just to bring some reality to the moment.

0:30:190:30:23

Because you're a pro.

0:30:230:30:25

I'm not falling on those.

0:30:250:30:27

I don't do stunts.

0:30:270:30:29

And I got absolutely no support from my director

0:30:290:30:33

or from my co-star.

0:30:330:30:35

The selfish bitch.

0:30:350:30:37

And cut.

0:30:390:30:41

-BOB CHUCKLES

-Print that one, Ernie.

0:30:410:30:43

-Let's go in tighter.

-Aah.

-No, Joan.

0:30:430:30:47

-Joan.

-What?

0:30:470:30:49

Wai-Wait, don't go anywhere. We're just swinging a lens.

0:30:490:30:51

I'll be back in two ticks.

0:30:510:30:53

We're losing the light.

0:30:530:30:54

Tighter.

0:30:540:30:56

Are you sure that's not too tight?

0:30:570:30:59

Well, get it even.

0:30:590:31:00

All right.

0:31:000:31:02

Is that as tight as it'll go?

0:31:020:31:03

-MAMACITA SCOFFS

-Already it's too much.

-Oh, shut up.

0:31:030:31:05

Just go ahead and tie it, for Christ's sake.

0:31:050:31:07

CAR DOOR CLOSES

0:31:070:31:09

Is it me, or is she getting younger?

0:31:140:31:16

-PAULINE:

-You're just now noticing?

0:31:160:31:18

Every time she comes back from her trailer,

0:31:180:31:20

she's lost five more years.

0:31:200:31:21

Oh, Christ. Let's just get through this.

0:31:210:31:24

'It was my big scene.'

0:31:240:31:26

My dying confession.

0:31:260:31:28

I knew she would do something to steal it.

0:31:280:31:31

Roll those big bug eyes or something,

0:31:310:31:33

anything to draw the focus to her.

0:31:330:31:36

Action.

0:31:360:31:37

Jane, I'm...

0:31:370:31:39

I'm dying.

0:31:390:31:41

There's no time.

0:31:420:31:45

You must listen.

0:31:450:31:46

I made you...

0:31:470:31:49

..waste your whole life.

0:31:500:31:52

She looks too goddamn good.

0:31:550:31:57

So what did the old harpy do to cock it up?

0:31:570:32:00

Nothing.

0:32:020:32:05

Nothing at all.

0:32:050:32:06

I got through my entire speech.

0:32:060:32:09

I think I even moved her with my performance.

0:32:090:32:12

Well, I'm already writing the rave in my head.

0:32:120:32:16

-ROBERT:

-Jesus, Ernie. How's she doing that?

0:32:160:32:18

She looks 20 years younger.

0:32:180:32:20

Almost losing the light.

0:32:200:32:22

-I think it must be those reflectors I'm hitting her with.

-No.

0:32:220:32:25

I swear to God.

0:32:250:32:27

It's the goddamn acting.

0:32:270:32:30

'I hate this fucking picture.'

0:32:450:32:48

But if it's successful,

0:32:520:32:54

I can make a pretty penny.

0:32:540:32:57

OK. OK.

0:32:590:33:02

That's good.

0:33:030:33:05

SHE SIGHS

0:33:130:33:15

I was in the neighbourhood.

0:33:150:33:18

How nice.

0:33:180:33:19

Thank you.

0:33:210:33:22

So, word on the street is that Crawford's walking away

0:33:220:33:26

with the picture.

0:33:260:33:27

Is that what all the streetwalkers are saying, Hedda?

0:33:270:33:30

-That's the buzz.

-Oh, and who's the busy little bee?

0:33:300:33:33

Careful. Once you sting, you die.

0:33:330:33:36

HEDDA LAUGHS But not the queen.

0:33:360:33:38

-BETTE CHUCKLES

-Oh, come on, Bette.

0:33:380:33:41

All those ridiculous studio press releases

0:33:410:33:44

touting how wonderfully well you two have been getting along?

0:33:440:33:46

It's hogwash.

0:33:460:33:48

I happen to know every single nasty thing

0:33:480:33:50

you've done to Crawford over the last six weeks.

0:33:500:33:53

-Kicking a woman in the head?

-HEDDA CHUCKLES

0:33:530:33:56

Academy members don't reward that sort of behaviour.

0:33:560:34:00

I mean, regardless of what we think of Crawford,

0:34:000:34:04

she is an institution.

0:34:040:34:06

Or belongs in one if she really thinks you're her friend.

0:34:060:34:10

Oh, Bette.

0:34:100:34:12

I'm offering you an opportunity.

0:34:140:34:16

Give me your side of the story, and then when it all comes out,

0:34:160:34:20

you won't have to be painted as the bad guy.

0:34:200:34:22

-I win awards playing bad guys.

-But that's on the screen.

0:34:220:34:26

-This is real life.

-Real life? Ha!

0:34:260:34:28

This isn't real life. This is Hollywood, Hedda.

0:34:280:34:31

It's all fake, from the manicured lawns in the desert

0:34:310:34:34

to your manufactured concern.

0:34:340:34:37

Well, I am concerned.

0:34:380:34:40

I so wanted to write a story

0:34:400:34:42

about how two of Hollywood's golden titans were getting along,

0:34:420:34:47

as an example to ladies everywhere.

0:34:470:34:50

But I am a truth teller, I must report the facts,

0:34:500:34:53

regardless of how ugly they may be.

0:34:530:34:57

You have been circling this project like a vulture from the start.

0:34:570:35:02

It's women like you,

0:35:020:35:03

who've nurtured venom and resentment for years,

0:35:030:35:06

that make it such a battle for the rest of us

0:35:060:35:08

who are actually putting our asses on the line

0:35:080:35:10

and risking something.

0:35:100:35:12

Truth teller.

0:35:120:35:13

That's right.

0:35:150:35:17

And the truth is, I hear your daughter stinks on ice.

0:35:170:35:22

-She practically ruins the picture.

-Get out.

0:35:220:35:25

And BD's name better not show up in one of your poison-pen columns.

0:35:250:35:29

Everything's fair game, Bette.

0:35:290:35:31

Not my child.

0:35:310:35:33

And for your information, she doesn't ruin the picture.

0:35:330:35:36

Her role isn't important enough to do that.

0:35:360:35:38

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

0:35:380:35:40

Shit.

0:35:450:35:46

-I know you.

-Oh.

0:36:190:36:21

I've seen you on Hawaiian Eye.

0:36:210:36:24

You're Charles Laughton.

0:36:240:36:26

MOANING

0:36:460:36:49

I want to be in pictures.

0:36:500:36:53

That's why I came out here from Nebraska.

0:36:530:36:56

You think I could be in pictures?

0:36:560:36:58

You think I could be a star?

0:36:580:37:01

You have...loads of potential.

0:37:020:37:06

-Police!

-WHISTLE BLOWS

0:37:060:37:08

-Police, hold it.

-Hey.

0:37:080:37:11

WHISTLE BLOWS INDISTINCT CHATTER

0:37:120:37:14

-Let's go. Come on.

-There's been a mistake.

0:37:140:37:16

This is...I was looking for a gas station.

0:37:160:37:19

PHONE RINGS

0:37:190:37:21

What?

0:37:230:37:25

KEYS JANGLE DOOR UNLOCKS

0:37:270:37:29

Well, them's the breaks, lady.

0:37:290:37:31

You can bail your friend out after the judge sees him in a few hours.

0:37:310:37:33

He's not seeing a judge in a few hours

0:37:330:37:36

because he did not do anything.

0:37:360:37:38

My friend is an actor,

0:37:380:37:40

and he was there doing research

0:37:400:37:41

for a part in a motion picture.

0:37:410:37:44

I suppose you could verify that?

0:37:440:37:46

What do you think?

0:37:480:37:50

Can't thank you enough for doing this.

0:37:530:37:55

You'll understand why I couldn't call my own mother.

0:37:550:37:58

I spent 30 years earning a little capital.

0:37:580:38:00

I don't mind spending it on a friend.

0:38:000:38:02

But Victor, you've got to be more careful.

0:38:020:38:04

Something like this could ruin your career.

0:38:040:38:06

I hate keeping secrets. I hate lying.

0:38:060:38:09

Lying is what we do for a living, kid.

0:38:100:38:14

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

0:38:140:38:16

SOUNDTRACK FADES

0:38:190:38:22

Jack, I know it's a little rough around the edges,

0:38:280:38:30

but this short editing schedule you've got me on is pretty brutal.

0:38:300:38:34

JACK CHUCKLES

0:38:340:38:35

I'll tell you what's brutal,

0:38:350:38:37

I got 400 theatres booked already.

0:38:370:38:40

400.

0:38:400:38:42

And this is what you give me?

0:38:420:38:44

Come on.

0:38:440:38:45

Look, Bob, the picture's not terrible, until the end,

0:38:450:38:49

and that's the only thing that anybody's going to remember.

0:38:490:38:52

If you don't have an ending that works,

0:38:520:38:54

you don't have a picture, right?

0:38:540:38:55

You want to change the ending.

0:38:550:38:57

No, I don't want to... I... Goddamn it!

0:38:570:38:59

I want the ending that we agreed on.

0:38:590:39:03

Crawford dying on the beach.

0:39:030:39:05

That's what I want.

0:39:050:39:07

Instead, every time you cut back to her,

0:39:070:39:09

it looks like she's getting better.

0:39:090:39:11

It's like fucking Camille in reverse.

0:39:110:39:14

Yeah, yeah, OK, we can reshoot that.

0:39:140:39:16

You're goddamn right we can.

0:39:160:39:18

Yeah, but I can't take the entire company back to the beach.

0:39:180:39:21

Well, then just bring the beach to the stage.

0:39:210:39:23

-OK.

-OK.

0:39:230:39:25

How much do you want to spend on that?

0:39:250:39:27

JACK CHUCKLES

0:39:270:39:29

I am not spending anything on that, Bob.

0:39:290:39:31

That's coming out of your end.

0:39:310:39:33

I'm going to New York to see My Fair Fucking Lady.

0:39:330:39:36

Just do it by the time I get back, all right?

0:39:360:39:38

And get that hangdog expression off your face. Come on, come on.

0:39:390:39:42

It's not like you just took a dump all over Casablanca.

0:39:420:39:45

It's a B-movie.

0:39:450:39:47

It's always been a B-movie.

0:39:470:39:49

Always will be a B-movie.

0:39:490:39:50

B, B, B, B...

0:39:500:39:52

This?

0:39:590:40:01

Toss that in the box.

0:40:020:40:04

You know, there was a time when I wouldn't be the one doing this,

0:40:060:40:08

I would be off to my next project,

0:40:080:40:10

but now it's not even clear there will be a next project.

0:40:100:40:13

BD?

0:40:170:40:18

I'm sorry I wasn't better.

0:40:200:40:22

I wanted to do a good job.

0:40:220:40:25

Oh, sweetheart, you did a fine job.

0:40:250:40:27

You did a very fine job.

0:40:270:40:29

A creditable job.

0:40:290:40:31

I mean, it was your first picture. You looked beautiful.

0:40:310:40:34

And you...spoke clearly.

0:40:340:40:37

You hit your marks,

0:40:370:40:38

you didn't look into the lens once, not once.

0:40:380:40:42

You make it look so easy.

0:40:420:40:44

BD SIGHS

0:40:440:40:46

I hope I didn't ruin it.

0:40:470:40:49

If Crawford couldn't ruin the picture,

0:40:510:40:54

nobody could.

0:40:540:40:55

MUSIC BOX CLICKS

0:41:340:41:35

MUSIC BOX PLAYS

0:41:350:41:38

You might want to take special note of my projected income,

0:42:060:42:09

I have a new picture coming out in a few months.

0:42:090:42:11

You're clearly a woman of means, Miss Crawford.

0:42:110:42:13

That's not really the issue.

0:42:130:42:16

Well, there should be no issue.

0:42:160:42:18

It's my deepest desire to offer a loving home

0:42:180:42:22

to a motherless child.

0:42:220:42:23

It's no longer 1940.

0:42:230:42:25

I mean, the notion of a single mother adopting

0:42:250:42:29

should no longer be an issue.

0:42:290:42:31

While your marital status may present some questions,

0:42:320:42:35

that's not why we're turning down your application.

0:42:350:42:38

You're turning me down?

0:42:390:42:42

Why?

0:42:420:42:43

Because it's no longer 1940.

0:42:430:42:45

You're simply too old.

0:42:450:42:47

BETTE: Margot?

0:42:520:42:54

Margot, darling, it's Mommy.

0:42:540:42:56

-MARGOT:

-Mommy?

0:42:560:42:58

Yes, sweetheart, how are you?

0:42:580:43:00

Miss Ashland told me that, uh, you've been painting

0:43:010:43:05

some beautiful pictures.

0:43:050:43:07

Mommy, where are you?

0:43:070:43:08

Mommy's been working in California.

0:43:110:43:14

And she really misses you.

0:43:140:43:17

BETTE SIGHS

0:43:170:43:19

But I'm coming home soon.

0:43:190:43:21

And, uh...

0:43:210:43:23

Well, I-I'll drive up and we'll have a very long visit,

0:43:230:43:27

and we'll go swimming if it's not too chilly.

0:43:270:43:30

Would you like that, sweetheart?

0:43:300:43:32

RUSTLING OVER THE PHONE

0:43:320:43:33

Margot?

0:43:350:43:36

Margot?

0:43:380:43:39

I'm sorry, Miss Davis.

0:43:420:43:44

I think she got a little distracted.

0:43:440:43:47

I understand.

0:43:520:43:54

Jane, I...

0:44:070:44:08

I'm dying.

0:44:100:44:11

There's no time.

0:44:130:44:15

You must listen.

0:44:150:44:17

I made you waste your whole life,

0:44:190:44:22

thinking you'd crippled me.

0:44:220:44:25

Please stop.

0:44:250:44:27

You didn't do it, Jane.

0:44:290:44:31

I did it myself.

0:44:340:44:36

Don't you understand?

0:44:380:44:40

I crippled myself.

0:44:420:44:44

You weren't driving that night.

0:44:480:44:51

You were too drunk, I wouldn't let you drive.

0:44:530:44:56

I made you go open the gates.

0:44:580:45:00

I watched you get out of the car.

0:45:020:45:04

You'd been so cruel to me at the party,

0:45:050:45:08

imitating me,

0:45:080:45:10

making people laugh at me.

0:45:100:45:12

I watched you get out of the car.

0:45:140:45:17

I wanted to run you down.

0:45:180:45:21

Crush you.

0:45:210:45:22

But you saw the car coming.

0:45:250:45:27

I hit the gates.

0:45:310:45:33

I...snapped my spine.

0:45:340:45:39

Then, you mean...

0:45:430:45:44

..all this time we could've been friends?

0:45:480:45:51

-Cut. Print that one.

-BELL RINGS

0:45:580:46:01

Brilliant.

0:46:010:46:02

SHE SIGHS

0:46:020:46:03

-MAN:

-Ladies and gentlemen, that's a wrap.

0:46:030:46:05

APPLAUSE

0:46:050:46:07

After Joan asks Bette to stop her daughter from corrupting her own twins, a truce seems on the cards when both actresses reveal hardships in their lives, but hostilities break out again when Joan is unable to prevent Hedda Hopper from publishing a story about Bette's drinking.


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