The Hope That Kills Holby City

You're so pathetic.

Keller. Where the best anaesthetist is now a surgeon,

the student nurse was a former holiday rep, and the highest-ranking

surgeon only uses the word urgent when he's run out of biscuits.

I love you.

And you really think this is best for the hospital?

Yes, I really do.

'You're something special.'

Don't waste that potential.

SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

I'm Sam.

I'm deputy assistant manager of Pulses coffee shop here at Holby.

-WOMAN:

-And how do you know Guy Self?

He's a well famous brain surgeon.

That's why you're here, isn't it?

What's this all about?

You seem to know him...personally.

How did that come about?

Well...coffee, I suppose.

I make it. He drinks it. A lot of it.

Especially during the graveyard shift.

I help him sometimes with his sudoku. I think he even joys it.

You know, a little break from being Mr Life-and-death Brain Doctor, Billy Big...

Oop!

Oh, you can bleep that out, right?

Er...is this really necessary?

You'll thank me in post-production.

It's not about making me look good.

-Funny, I was told that's exactly what this is about.

-HE CHUCKLES

No. You've been commissioned to provide a unique insight into the world of neurosurgery.

Specifically YOUR neurosurgical unit.

Our successes, advances, ambitions.

That's the story. Not me.

Every story needs a human face. An angle.

And that's me, is it?

HE LAUGHS OK, I'll...defer to your expertise.

What do you need me to do?

Just be yourself. Act like we're not here.

Think of this as... "a day in the life of Guy Self".

So, how would Guy Self start his day?

Hmm.

Finally.

Where'd you go to source those beans, Colombia?

No. Wrexham.

-Oh, Mr Self! The usual?

-Oh, that would be lovely. Thank you, Sam.

-Yeah, excuse me, there's a queue.

-Oh...whenever.

-I'll have...

A grande caffe mocha, double whipped cream, extra shot,

half skinny, half full-fat milk.

Here's a blueberry muffin for now,

and a double chocolate brownie for later.

It'll be £6.95 and it'll just take a couple of minutes,

so if you wouldn't mind just waiting over there, Ms Effanga.

Morning.

I'll have what she's having, please.

Do you know, this is going to take a while.

Me shift's nearly over so, well, I'll bring it over.

-You know, when the rush is done.

-You're a life-saver.

Oh, and Mr Self?

I saved you the inferno. No cheating on the time limit.

As if.

Did you know your dad had his own reality TV show now?

Didn't even know he liked sudoku.

Counting the days until Dry January's over?

Actually I was counting down the days until your return.

How was the refresher course?

It was really very generous of the NHS to spend valuable time

and scarce resources on teaching me how to suck eggs.

Specialism. Welcome to the NHS.

Live kidney donation and transplant. Are they here?

Er, the donor is.

Lewis Bolter. Given up for adoption at age two.

20 years later, tracks down his birth mother,

only to learn that she's in end-stage renal failure.

-As a result of hepatitis C infection.

-Consequence of a misspent youth.

-IV drug user?

-Yes. And alcoholic until five years ago.

When she goes on to the transplant list for the first time.

Yes, nothing like renal failure to encourage lifestyle changes.

Nurse Harrison, nice to see you again.

-Hello, how are you doing, Lewis?

-Nervous, but ready.

-Good.

This is Mr Griffin,

he's your consultant overseeing the operations today.

-Transplant expert, are you?

-I've done a few.

So you know the difference between a kidney and a liver.

Well, he knows that one goes nicely with steak.

Mr Bolter, I'd like to thank you for what you're doing.

The NHS is desperately short of life-saving organs

and this really is an amazing gift.

Let's do the latest haemoglobin

and when the recipient arrives we'll do final checks.

Sure.

Er, where is Alison?

Er, Transport went to get her so she must be stuck in traffic.

-But I'm sure she's fine.

-It's OK. Not like I'm in a rush.

Be right back.

Can you check with Transport where she is?

-She should have been here hours ago.

-OK.

I've just got to check something.

The board has decided to capitalise on the recent successes

of the neuro unit, with a sustained media and public-relations push,

so you may notice that there's a documentary team here

following Mr Self about.

-Sounds like an episode of Meet The Selfies.

-Very good.

The documentary obviously will be focusing on the neuro unit, but

if you are approached perhaps you will assist in their storytelling.

What, like interviews?

-If asked, yes.

-What do we say?

-Nice things.

SHE SNORTS

Right. Thank you.

I was rather expecting more resistance.

Well, I've got wall-to-wall surgery today.

I haven't got the time or inclination to care about what

new harebrained schemes our resident narcissist sociopath has hatched.

When I said "nice things"...

I am surprised by you, however.

Allowing this kind of circus in your hospital.

-The board feels...

-How do you feel?

I feel that my hands are tied on the subject.

The procedure Mr Self will be performing, though, is one of note.

It will bring esteem - and money - to this hospital

and to his unit.

You may wish to reflect on what may be done with this money.

Ric Griffin is performing a live-donation kidney transplant on Keller today.

I am doing a surgical ventricular restoration.

What's Guy got that's worthy of a documentary team?

It's not just the procedure he's doing, it's who he's doing it for.

CLASSICAL VIOLIN PLAYS

Right. The star of today's show.

Hello, Guy.

Michelle Lavers, meet Nathan Hartley,

one of the country's top violinists.

Not just the country, one of the world's best virtuosos.

I know you. I mean, I saw you a few years back.

You were...amazing.

And then you just disappeared. What happened?

Parkinson's?

No, I can't cure that, not yet.

No, this is a condition known as essential tremor.

It's an uncontrollable shake to a part of the body.

-In this case, the up-and-down movement of the hand.

-What causes it?

No-one seems to know.

The important thing is, I can cure these symptoms.

-How?

-Ah. I know enough about showbiz to know you don't give away the ending.

Mr Self?

Your coffee.

Saima, you're an angel.

You know, if you want to find the heart of the NHS from the human angle,

you could do worse than start with Saima Ahmed.

Thank you.

What's with the camera crew?

Oh, it's a bit of PR to attract funding, donors, that kind of thing.

What do you need funding for?

Growth. Empires don't build themselves.

Um, Mr Self?

-Do you know what I was telling you about my friend, Sarah?

-Mm-hm?

She wasn't feeling very well. Nausea, tired all the time.

Did she go and see her GP?

No. Er, she's been a bit too busy for that.

And I don't think she really likes talking about it,

you know, to strangers.

But the thing is, er, she's been getting more symptoms.

Dizzy spells. Pains.

I'm really worried about her.

I just... I think she just needs some reassurance.

They make a cute couple, don't they?

What?

Dr March and Mr Valentine.

They've been flirting for months but they've finally hooked up.

Oh...she didn't tell you?

She's probably embarrassed. You know, office romance.

-Those things don't often work out, do they?

-MOBILE RINGS

Excuse me, Sam.

Hello. Yep, thanks for getting back to me.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm putting on a show and everyone is invited.

Yeah.

-ADELE:

-Essie!

Ugh. What?!

-There you are.

-Yep.

Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.

Well, you shouldn't have come in here screaming like a banshee, then.

It's Ms Wood.

Alison? You found her? Where was she?

Here. Well, downstairs. She's been in the ED.

Is she all right?

Yeah. Well, no. I think you need to see her for yourself.

-Where's my boy?

-I don't know.

Surely he should be here by now?

Essie! Good to see you.

And you, Alison. Erm, can you take that for me, please? At last.

Oh, sorry. Know I'm late. Got caught up.

-Yes, I heard that you'd been in the wars.

-ALISON LAUGHS WEAKLY

It's just a sprained ankle. I had a little fall.

Whoops.

Feel better now, though.

There he is. There's my Lewis.

Come and give your mother a hug.

Are you OK?

I'm fine. Just fine! Apart from a twisted ankle.

-And end-stage renal failure!

-SHE LAUGHS

Alison.

-Hm?

-Have you been drinking?

Maybe...one or...two.

And I...

missed a session of dialysis.

I'm sorry.

Let's get her into HDU and onto dialysis ASAP.

And I'll page Mr Griffin.

CLASSICAL VIOLIN PLAYS

So it's true. You're bringing Nathan Hartley back from the dead.

I'm going to restore the use of his hand.

What he does with it after that is entirely up to him.

Deep brain stimulation? Quite the show stopper.

Which is why I've invited several donors, VIPs

and select board members to attend.

-Does Hanssen know?

-What Hanssen does or doesn't know is of no concern to me.

Where'd you dig him up? I heard he was a recluse. How'd you meet?

Would you believe I'm a purveyor of the arts?

I believe you're a purveyor of something.

Well, what does it matter where I found him?

This time tomorrow morning he'll be back playing the violin and my work will be done.

No, this time tomorrow he'll be dead.

What? What exactly are you saying?

Surely you must have seen the bruising on his legs, the petechiae?

And these platelet counts.

You're on a CT ward and you can't diagnose thrombocytopenia when it's staring you in the face.

Calm down. He's on quinine for leg cramps, it's a side effect.

Haematology have had him on IV immunoglobulin for 24 hours now.

Oh, so you knew about it and you're going ahead anyway?

Haematology are on top of it and they've told me

the platelet count falls within acceptable parameters.

Why take the risk at all?

Ahh, you don't want to ruin the big show,

not now you've booked the audience.

Have you considered low-molecular-weight heparin?

Now who's showing their ignorance?

I really don't want to risk a bleed in the middle of brain surgery.

What about afterwards, when he's immobile and his blood clots and he becomes my ward's problem?

OK, enough! I have been playing this by the book.

His medication is not working, this is his last chance.

What is this, Jac?

Have you got a dog in this fight that I'm not aware of?

No.

OK. If you're going to choose sides, then choose wisely.

You already have a vast range of unattractive personality traits, Guy.

Adding paranoia to them really doesn't help.

You don't want my advice, don't take it. Live with the consequences.

It's your friend.

What friend?

SHE GROANS

-Sam?

-All right, mate, turn it off. Come on.

Uhh...what happened?

-We'd just finished some interviews and she just...collapsed.

-Me chest...hurts.

Try not to talk, my love.

-Pulse is 85.

-Heart?

Possibly. We need to get her into a bed - now.

Can I have a chair, please?

You're going to be all right, OK?

Sorry...I'm been a nuisance.

Shh-shh-shh.

SHE LAUGHS

Fancy him?! Mr Self?

No!

Oh, the very thought!

Not that he's not...you know... bit of a dish!

Cos he is. Oh, that voice...

But, no. No, we're just friends.

Sudoku friends.

He's still in love with his wife.

She died.

I... I suppose you know that.

He's still in love with her, so much it eats him up.

Something...really beautiful about that.

Something...raw.

It's like...

Well, it's like one of those Greek tragedies or something.

Love, eh?

# De de-de de-de... #

Ooh...

Aren't we late enough already?

Should we be doing this?

Was it the whole me calling you Josephine thing?

Because...that just slipped out.

What?

Look, sometimes when I'm...

in the throes of passion,

I'm minded of...Napoleon's great love for Josephine. But...

That's a compliment if anything,

and it's certainly not worth ending this journey before it's even begun.

Who said anything about ending things?

Um, you just said, "Should we be doing this?"

Oh, I... What I meant was... being a...couple. In public.

In there.

Just, I...I'm not sure I see the alternative.

We just don't tell anyone.

-You mean lie.

-Dissemble.

Let's just not hold hands and see how we go, eh?

It'll be our little secret.

(It's just, I'm...I'm not very good with secrets.) Trust me.

Please?

Oh, and Arthur?

-The Josephine thing?

-Yep?

-It's weird.

-I'll stop.

-Thank you.

How much did she have to drink?

Blood alcohol's only slightly raised,

so she's not exactly bingeing.

It's the fact that she drank at all, that's the worry.

She's an alcoholic.

Yeah, but the fact that she's stopped, having started, I mean, that's encouraging.

Plus she is showing genuine signs of remorse, yes?

I just don't understand.

She has been clean for years,

she's completely turned her life around,

and now the son that she gave up has come back,

she's got a second chance at life, at being a mother...

Maybe that's what she's scared of.

How long ago did Lewis make contact?

Four months or so.

Ahh, and then almost immediately he offers to donate his kidney.

That is enough to stir up some sort of guilt.

The question is whether it's going to affect her ability to maintain her post-operative care.

Let's get a psych assessment.

And in the meantime continue her dialysis so we're ready to go,

-in case we get a green light, yeah?

-Yeah.

Well, will you look at this?

You dirty little stop-outs.

-Excuse me?

-You two. Rocking up at this sort of time...

Whoa, what do you mean... Whoa, what do you mean, "you two"?

-Just that...

-I don't know what implications you're attempting to make,

Nurse Fletcher, but I can tell you that I resent them...

and I reject it.

-Utterly.

-Arthur...

No, no, there is no "us two".

There is Morven - there she is - and then there's me.

Two entirely separate entities, linked by nothing more than...

He just meant that you're both late.

Oh.

Trains, you know. What you going to do?

You haven't got to tell me.

And, Diggers? Erm, lay off the caffeine for a bit.

Right.

What was that?

I just... I told you. I'm...no good at lying.

Look, just try and breathe, Arthur.

Afternoon, Doctor Digby. Bed 5, then come and find me,

we need to have a chat.

OK, about, er, what, exactly?

You and Dr Shreve.

Sam. You're looking a lot better.

-SHE CHUCKLES

-I'm sure I'm not.

But I am feeling it.

-BP and heart rate have stabilised.

-ECG?

It's showing signs of ST depression.

What does that mean?

It means that we need to do an angiogram so we can see things a little better.

I'll get it booked.

Sorry I didn't listen to you earlier.

But there is no friend Sarah, is there?

-No.

-No. So why...

Oh, I couldn't. I didn't want it to be a thing with us.

You spend your whole life saving people.

I didn't want you to feel like you had to save me as well.

-Oh...

-Hey.

Was that him? The violinist you told me about.

-Mmm, yes, it was.

-You going to save him?

I'm going to try.

Listen, you know the documentary crew that were interviewing you?

-About me?

-Mm.

What exactly did they want to know?

Everything.

I need to know you're not going to flake out on me. On this.

Well? What's the verdict?

Er, there's no physical reason why the procedure can't take place.

But...?

Another psych assessment's required.

Great. More assessments.

Have you any idea how many times we've been through this?

I understand it's frustrating...

I just want this done with. One way or another.

He's cross with me.

Well, after everything that you've both been through these last few months, can you blame him?

What happened?

I fell off the wagon, didn't I?

Why?

It's what I do. It's who I am.

I don't believe that.

Lewis does, though.

And, like you said, who can blame him?

You know, HE came looking for me. He tracked me down.

Are you blaming him?

No.

I'm just saying that, if I hurt him, I didn't set out to.

I'll leave you to it.

-MICHELLE:

-What motivates him?

Well, I think... he wants to help people.

There's a patient here today. A violinist. You should talk to him.

If you knew where Mr Self found him,

if you knew what he brought him back from...

Ahh, look, sorry, I... I probably shouldn't have said that.

BOW SCRAPES ON STRINGS

I just wanted to...

I know. But not yet.

-When?

-Soon.

When I met you I'd given up hope.

Yes, I know.

When you told me you could help, I didn't want to believe you.

Because it's easier, that. Easier not to hope.

Because it's the hope that keeps you up at night.

It's the hope that drives you mad.

And in the end it's the hope that kills you.

Well, I don't deal in hope.

Sorry if I was a bit abrupt before.

It's not your fault. You know that, right?

It kind of is, though, isn't it?

I mean...

Just the emotional impact of me turning up.

Has to have an effect, right?

Yeah.

You remind me of my mother.

Other mother. Adoptive mother.

You can see how this stuff gets confusing.

Well, I suppose...it must be confusing for them too.

They're not thrilled about it, sure. But they understand.

Well, maybe they should be here.

Surgery's a big deal, Lewis. It's not something you should do alone.

Well, I'm not alone, am I? Got you looking out for me.

What made you do it?

Why did you... go looking for your birth mother?

I guess I just wanted to find out...

where I came from.

What happened.

Who I really am.

And now I know.

POWER WHINES DOWN

HE KNOCKS

Yes.

I, er...yes. Er, sit, sit, sit.

Right. Er, ready to start?

Start with what?

With what you have to tell me about Dr Shreve.

It's none of your...business?

SHE LAUGHS IN BEMUSEMENT

Since when is the professional progress of a junior doctor under my care...none of my business?

Professional progress?

Dr Shreve's appraisal.

Do you not read your e-mails?

Yep, yeah, I do remember that. Yep.

But you've done nothing about it?

Not as such.

Look. I know some aspects of the mentoring process may seem overly bureaucratic

but all employees - especially juniors - require honest, objective

and ethical feedback. Agreed?

-Agreed.

-Good.

So you can observe and evaluate Dr Shreve for the rest of the shift

and then report back to me. Understood?

Understood.

Oh, Dr Digby?

Honest, objective and ethical.

I can't stress enough how important these values are in this process.

Now, I know that you and Morven are friends,

so if there's any conflict of interest, now's the time to speak up.

No? Good.

Would you kindly let Mr Cutler know that we'll be

requiring his services sooner rather than later.

Psych are happy.

You sound surprised.

I suppose I am.

Why?

Nurse Harrison, you are the transplant co-ordinator,

you've been across this from the beginning.

If you have any doubts you should voice them.

It was just something that Alison said...

about not meaning to hurt him, not wanting to...

Well, she did give him up for adoption as a child.

Wasn't she referring to that?

I don't know. Maybe.

When are you taking him into theatre?

Two hours' time. It's going to need a bit more than that to ask for a second opinion.

No, I'm not after a second opinion, I just need to check something.

Mrs Bolter?

Hi, I'm Nurse Harrison from Holby City Hospital.

Erm, I'm calling about your son, Lewis.

The hospital as a whole experienced a sudden surge of power

but the brunt of it was borne by Darwin Ward.

Fortunately the backup generators did their job

and there was no serious threat to public or staff.

So we're all good to go?

The wiring between Theatres 1 and 2 appears to have been damaged.

Maintenance have advised that we shut down Theatre 2

until they can guarantee us that there is no secondary problem.

What a shame. I guess the board will have to get their viewing pleasure elsewhere.

-But Theatre 1 is still good, right?

-Correct.

OK, so once Jac has finished her restoration we can shift the DBS.

The equipment's easily transferrable.

In a situation like this policy dictates that we postpone

all elective surgery in case there's an emergency.

OK, so we're going to leave a perfectly good theatre unused and empty in case there's an act of God?

-It would be prudent.

-Or stupid. Shall we see what the board has to say about this?

Moot point. Theatre's booked up.

-By whom?

-Mo. Coronary artery bypass graft for one Saima Ahmed.

Emergency admission.

Do you ever get the feeling the universe is trying to tell you something?

Find me a theatre.

Unless Darwin's remaining theatre becomes available,

I'm afraid you are going to have to cancel Mr Hartley's procedure.

Trust him?

Yeah, course.

Simple as that?

Simple as that.

'I trust him.

'With me life.'

Aren't you supposed to be in theatre doing your thing?

Yeah, I just wanted to see how you're getting on.

I'll save you the trouble.

Artherosclerosis.

-So I hear.

-Ms Effanga thinks it's serious.

Well, yes...it is. And she will look after you very well.

What's the matter?

Platelet count. It's probably nothing, but...

-Mo?

-Yeah.

-Have you got a minute?

Sure.

I hear you're taking Sam in for a bypass graft.

Yes, the angiogram showed up signs of plaque build-up.

Yes, I can see that. It's just that the platelet counts are very low.

-Well, they're borderline.

-So a platelet transfusion wouldn't hurt.

-Of course not, it's just...

-Just...to be safe.

Sam, what do you think?

I don't know.

Er... What would it mean to have a transfusion?

Well, nothing really. A couple of hours in here,

then you'd be off to theatre, safe and sound.

Oh, yeah, OK. Well, if it's safer.

Yeah, it's safe but really not necessary.

Whatever Mr Self thinks is best.

That's good enough for me.

Then I'll call Haematology.

Good. Er, let me know how she gets on.

If you need me I'll be in theatre.

Ah! You all right?

Yep.

What did Ms Campbell want?

To talk.

-Yeah...about what?

-About work.

I figured she didn't want to discuss Napoleonic battlefield tactics, Arthur.

Dr Digby.

Erm...excuse me?

I think while we're at work we should maintain a proper

professional distance.

Er, a few hours ago you wanted to sing your love for me from the mountaintops,

and now you're insisting on me calling you Dr Digby?

I do love...

# Love to be beside the seaside... #

Oh! Looking for me, Nurse Fletcher?

Maybe I'll give this one to Dr Shreve.

No, we'll both do it.

OK. But prepare yourselves, it's, erm...it's pretty nasty.

Ohhhhhh...

that is disgusting.

I did warn ya.

Is that a screw?

Is it a screw?!

HE MUMBLES RESPONSE

Good luck getting an oral history out of this one...

I think it's a piercing.

That's too big for a piercing, isn't it?

Is that a piercing...

-Er...

-Forget it. Forget it, forget it.

MAN SIGHS

Right then, Dr Shreve.

Observation, diagnosis, treatment plan, please.

Morven...

Can you take this one, please?

-Right what's the problem?

-Teeth.

-I've got a thing...

-You've got odontophobia?

No, that's dentists. I don't mind my own teeth.

It's other people's like that close up.

-I can take your hernia.

-Um...

No, I can't let you do that.

Observations, diagnosis, treatment plan, please.

Go on!

Ah, Mr Hanssen, I'm so glad you could make it.

I just came to wish you luck.

I don't need it, Henrik I make my own luck.

Quite.

Indeed later, I shall be fascinated to hear Ms Effanga's reasons

for not taking up her prescribed theatre slot.

In the meantime, though, I'm rather looking forward to the performance.

Well, I should give you quite a show.

Oh, no, I was referring to Mr Hartley.

I've had the honour of attending several of his performances.

What you do today, if successful, is a gift not just to him

but to the world.

To Sydney...

Yeah, one way.

A week today.

Thank you.

Are you going somewhere?

A little holiday.

Do you always book one way when you take a holiday?

I'm out of practice. I haven't taken one for years.

Hard to get insurance, I imagine, with renal failure.

But after today that won't be a problem, will it?

Does Lewis know about your "little holiday"?

What Lewis knows or doesn't know is really none of your business.

-Don't do it, Alison.

-Do what?

Leave him.

Not again.

Not after what he's doing for you.

I left my bag in the ED.

Could you send someone for it, please?

The tremor affects his right hand,

which is his bowing hand.

But the burr hole needs to be on the left.

Stylet, please.

Right.

Now that I've made the burr hole

and inserted the stylet, it's time for Mr Hartley to join the party.

Could you bring the patient around, please?

OK, Nathan. It's show time.

Lewis?

Are you OK?

A bit nervous, I guess.

It's not every day you give up a piece of your body.

-You don't have to do this.

-Yes, I do.

I mean, you don't have to do it now.

You can take some more time.

Think about it.

Think about it?

I've done nothing but think about it for months!

I've talked to doctors, psychiatrists, social workers...

To you.

You haven't spoken to your family.

What?

I rang your adoptive mother, Lewis, to discuss your post-operative care.

She's your next of kin but she had no idea what I was talking about.

-They're worried sick about you...

-You had no right!

I didn't know. You told me that you'd spoken with your parents.

What else haven't you told them?

Do they know you've tracked down your birth mother?

Why didn't you tell them? Why didn't you tell us that you'd left home?

-It's not my home.

-Well, that's clearly not what they think.

Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know. But now...

Do you see why maybe you should take some time, re-evaluate?

No...I don't. I don't understand.

Where's this coming from? Why would you say this now?

After what happened this morning...

With Alison? That was just a wobble...

Well, what if it wasn't? What if that is who she is,

who she will be when this is done?

Do you really know her?

Do you know why you're doing this?

She's my mother.

I'm giving her a second chance.

She doesn't deserve it! OK?

She's booked a one-way flight to Sydney.

-She's taking off the moment you hand her that second chance.

-Essie...

You tell him. You tell your son what you're planning to do.

Second chance? Some people don't even get a single chance!

Nurse Harrison! That's enough!

It's for me.

-What?

-The flight.

It's a present...

For me.

SHE SIGHS

Nathan...

Nathan...

Welcome back.

Smile.

You're about to perform in front of a live audience

for the first time in years.

I'm going to insert the stimulator.

The idea behind this operation is that

I can cure these symptoms instantly.

Nathan will play.

I will begin the stimulation and gradually tremor will fade.

And we should have a violin concerto to remember in no time.

Are you ready, Nathan?

Shall we have the Mendelssohn?

HE PLAYS VIOLIN TENTATIVELY

It's OK, don't worry. Keep going. Trust me.

HE PLAYS TENTATIVELY

SHE RETCHES

Heart rate 70, BP 90/50.

-She's in heart failure. We need to get her to theatre.

-We can't. Guy's already in there.

OK. GTN infusion and morphine.

-You're going to do an IABP?

-Yes.

-Where?

We'll have to do the procedure in X-ray.

HE PLAYS VIOLIN

That's great. You're doing beautifully, Nathan.

Let's increase the current.

There. Do you hear?

Yes, I hear.

HE PLAYS MORE CONFIDENTLY

It's working, Guy.

You were right.

It's working.

No, Nathan. It has worked.

We found the correct settings moments ago...

This has all been you.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Nathan Hartley.

That seemed to go well.

Yes, it went as well as I could have hoped.

Although Nathan really did all the hard work.

You and Mr Hartley seem close?

Yes, we've known each other for 18 months or so.

Nathan Hartley's been living as a virtual

recluse for the past two years.

How did you meet?

Through mutual friends...

There were rumours that Mr Hartley suffered from depression.

Oh, I wouldn't know about that.

And that he was part of a support group...

Yes, as I said, I wouldn't know about that.

PAGER BLEEPS Excuse me, I actually have to go. Sorry.

Gently...

Is that your advice to me as mentor, is it?

To be gentle.

OK, no need to be snarky.

Like you've been with me ever since we walked in?

I haven't been snarky.

Well, what have you been, then?

Honest? Objective? Ethical?

Are you angry with me because I told you to be discreet about us?

No!

Well, then what is it?

I'm supposed to be doing your appraisal.

OK, so Serena called me into her office and she gave me

this big speech about honesty and ethics

and all I was thinking was I should be telling her that

I'm in a relationship with you but I couldn't, so...

Because I asked you not to.

You are so sweet.

-No wonder I love you.

-Shh...

He can't talk, can he?

Look, I think you should go to Serena and tell her the truth.

You're sure?

-Yeah.

-No more secrets?

No more secrets.

Are they going to make a complaint?

No, it's enough that I've taken you off the case.

You saw what I did, what I said.

I made it personal, it's unforgivable.

It's unavoidable.

Look, transplant coordinator is one of the most emotionally draining jobs

in the NHS. You can't do it unless you get personal.

Sooner or later you're going to cross the line.

You made a mistake - learn from it.

ED sent this up.

It's Alison's. They're getting her ready for theatre.

Is there a problem?

Well, I'm not sure.

They had put it in their safe.

They couldn't find any ID and they were going to call the police...

Police.

What happened?

You did.

Oh, come on, that's not fair. I couldn't have known she was going to go into heart failure...

She was supposed to be in theatre!

Even if she wasn't, that's where she should have been taken the moment her heart stopped,

instead of me having to insert a balloon catheter in X-ray!

Thank you.

What?

Thank you. For saving her.

Who is she?

She's...

A friend.

So you and Mr Valentine, are you...?

Yes.

How did you...?

Any reason you didn't want to tell me?

-Just didn't think of it.

-Oh.

Dad? Are you OK?

Let me know when she wakes up.

You found my bag.

I won't be needing this in theatre, will I?

Why is there £10,000 in cash in your bag, Alison?

You went through my belongings?

Don't you think you're in enough trouble?

-What's the money for?

-None of your business.

It's got nothing to do with you.

This is for Lewis, isn't it?

Just like the ticket to Sydney.

He's not giving you his kidney.

You're buying it from him.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Yes!

-Ms Campbell, could I...

-Er, just pull up a chair.

-I've got something of a conf...

-No. Sshhh. Sshhh. Just a minute.

Urgh! Do you know what I loathe, Arthur?

What I hate and detest most in the professional environment?

Human Resources?

Gossip.

Gossip and tittle-tattle.

And do you know why?

Because although innocuous, it is so pervasive that just the tiniest

bit of it can threaten the social fabric of our entire hospital.

And do you know what causes the most gossip?

The well from which this poison overflows?

Dominic?

Office romances! Hmm.

I can't begin to tell you how much fire-fighting

I have to do on a daily basis just to stop the petty squabbles

and politics of envy that come from work-mates who can't seem

to stop going at it like rabbits!

Whether it's Sacha and Essie loving it up on Keller

or Jac Naylor and whatever poor sap she's feeding off this month,

the backlash all ends up on my desk!

Apparently Zosia and Oliver Valentine

are having a...pop at it.

Which will make Guy Self unbearable to be around.

And, now, I find myself having to remind otherwise fully grown

adults that copulation in store cupboards is

a breach of the Hospital's Code of Conduct.

It is SO dull!

If I had my way, anyone found having an office romance

would be dismissed post-haste.

Anyway, what can I do for you?

Scalpel, please.

I thought we agreed you'd take the rest of the day off, Nurse Harrison.

-Have you made an incision?

-I'm about to.

Can you delay that and step out of theatre, please.

Is there a problem with Ms Wood?

There's a situation.

VIOLIN PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

Guy...

I don't know how to thank you.

You don't need to thank me.

Just hearing you play is thanks enough.

How are you feeling?

Like Iron Man.

Like a new man.

If there's anything I can do for you.

Ever?

Just ask.

Well, I might hold you to that one day.

Nathan, have you talked to anyone here about group?

Of course not. You know the rules.

Why?

Oh, it's just something that someone said.

I might have got the wrong end of the stick.

Guy...

You've saved me twice.

If you hadn't been there at group...

You gave me hope.

Thought you said it was hope that kills?

Are you absolutely sure that the money is

payment for Mr Bolter's kidney?

-Alison as good as admitted it.

-As good as?

She won't stop crying.

-And this was all at her instigation?

-Presumably.

Imagine, he tracks down his mother after all these years

and she does that...

If he has an objection I haven't heard it.

Nor have the countless other people involved in this process with

the express purpose of ensuring that something like this doesn't happen.

Well, it has happened and the question is what do we do about it?

There is no question. It's illegal

Can't we just let them, you know, go ahead?

Well, we could, but then we would be engaging in unethical practice.

Yeah, but no-one has to know, do they?

Look, I know it's wrong

but at least this way he gets to save his mother's life.

At the cost of abandoning everything that we're supposed to stand for.

Hey! How did it go?

OK, when it comes to Ms Campbell, we are not now,

nor ever have been, nor ever will be, a couple. OK?

Dr Shreve?

OK, BP 100/70. Pulse 120

-and he's burning up...

-What did you do?

What do you mean, "What did I do"? Nothing.

Well, what didn't you do, then?

What? I gave him fluids and IV paracetamol.

Clearly something's been missed because look at him.

Why don't the two of you try working together to sort it out

instead of squabbling like children.

You stopped the operation for this?

It's illegal, it's unethical.

To you, maybe.

To me, it's a gift from my mother.

And your kidney?

My gift to her.

Life, it's got to be worth ten grand easy.

This was your idea.

This whole thing was your idea.

When I found her, saw what she'd become...

The life she had after giving me up.

She turned her life around - job, house, she got the lot.

But she never came looking for me.

Why not?

-It was 20 years later...

-She had everything.

But there was one thing I could offer her that no-one else could.

So I did.

But for a price.

For a price.

And she said, "Yes."

Yeah...

Didn't even stop to ask why I asked for money.

Never even thought if it was unethical.

That's how I knew we were mother and son.

Where did Mr Hartley and Guy meet?

I shouldn't say...

That was told to me in confidence.

This is Mr Self's documentary, everything is in confidence.

Look, I don't know much about mental health, or whatever.

But if I'd lost what that violinist had lost...

If I had a gift like that and lost it...

I think I'd be pretty depressed too.

Yeah, I'd probably make a cry for help.

There was this support group

and this...

TAPE FAST FORWARDS

DOOR CLOSES

This is not the documentary you're here to make.

I disagree.

I think it's exactly the documentary I'm here to make.

It should be about my unit, about neurosurgery.

No, Guy. It's supposed to be about you.

And it is spectacular.

Who is Guy Self?

Brash, arrogant surgeon?

Skilful, ruthless political animal?

Empire builder?

Or is he the lonely, night-time confidant to the masses.

The idol of a working class tart with a heart.

The man who finds lost souls and saves them.

You don't know, do you?

You're trying to figure it out.

What lessons did you learn at this support group?

Or are you still learning them?

You really don't know what you're talking about.

Exactly.

What's the group for, Guy? Loss?

Bereavement?

Or something else?

Depression?

That's what Nathan Hartley was doing there, right?

The question is why were you there?

Trying to work out who you really are?

I know exactly who I am.

Now get out.

His burning and sweat was not controlled by IV paracetamol

-indicating...

-That it's a recurring malady.

It's something that's getting reinjured over and over.

This is a guy who stuck a rusty screw as a piercing

through his tongue.

I mean, could he be doing it deliberately to himself?

We need to think like someone who gets piercings. What else do they get?

-BOTH:

-Tattoos.

I'm just going to give you another examination. OK?

MAN GROANS

It's bad.

Cupid's arrow.

Mr Self.

Ms Ahmed.

Good to see that you're OK.

What's happened?

I happened.

Sorry, I don't understand.

It's quite simple really.

I manipulated you into foregoing theatre.

A direct result of which was that you nearly died

when your artery was blocked by plaque.

So you nearly died because I wanted to show off my Neuro Unit

to some rich and powerful people.

Why would you do that?

Because I could.

Because that is who I am.

-No, it's not.

-Don't contradict me!

Don't yell at me.

I think that's better, a bit of fight.

What are you doing?

I'm telling you what happened.

No. What are you doing?

Are you trying to make me hate you?

-No, I'm trying to make you see reality.

-What reality?

That I am not who you think I am.

I'm not your friend. I'm not your confidant.

I am not someone you should trust.

Certainly not "with my life".

Oh...

You saw the film.

Yes, I saw it all.

If I said something wrong

or I said something I shouldn't have, I'm really sorry.

I just wanted them to understand you the way that I do.

No, you don't really understand me at all, Sam.

Look we both trusted each other. We both made that mistake.

It would be better for us both

if we stay away from each other from now on.

Better for me, and healthier for you.

I thought...

I hoped we were friends.

Don't hope.

It's hope that kills.

Goodbye, Sam.

A touching performance.

What if she makes a complaint?

-She won't.

-How do you know?

She's better than that.

Better than us.

That's why you had to crush her,

to make sure she didn't stick around to be disappointed by you.

Almost an act of altruism,

as enacted by a sociopath, of course.

Will the real Guy Self please stand up?

He just did.

MOBILE RINGS

Hi, Sacha.

No, no, just another normal day.

What were you thinking?

HE SIGHS

If you love someone you just say it.

Don't scribe it into your flesh

or, you know, stick something through your tongue to prove it.

Just say, "I love you."

"I love you."

You see that girl there?

I love her.

Morven...

I love you.

Morven Shreve!

I've got something to tell you.

Um...

Well, all of you, actually.

And I really don't care who hears, or who knows.

Well, spit it out then, mate.

I love you.

You want an appraisal? Here it is.

I love Morven Shreve.

We're not separate entities.

We're together.

And we're held by bonds that are stronger than any alloy.

Her tears, they rob me of reason and inflame my blood

and her smile intoxicates me.

Morven Shreve illuminates me.

She illuminates my whole world with every passing second.

APPLAUSE

Brave boy.

Nice speech, mate, but we already knew.

Er, you knew? How?

Dominic.

He posted about you two online.

Well, I thought it was a very lovely speech.

Yeah, I bet you did, Josephine.

I am really, really sorry about the whole Josephine thing.

It's OK.

And...

I love you too.

See? It's easy.

It's Darwin, isn't it?

When you said to think about where Guy will spend his funds,

he wants Darwin.

I suspect it's not just Darwin Ward, Ms Naylor.

What else could he want?

Everything.

I worry about him sometimes.

I think...

No, I know he's lonely.

I know...that he's got demons.

He doesn't know who he wants to be.

He doesn't see himself as I see him.

But there's always hope.