Of Lions and Lambs Holby City

If you don't come now,

-I'll go to Hawaii without you.

-Maybe that's for the best.

Can I get some help in here, please?

VENTILATOR WHIRS

You could move in with me.

Really?

All or nothing.

I want all.

What would you give me?

A good night.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Serena?

I just can't.

Maybe it's too soon.

I'm sorry.

-SERENA:

-'My mother once told me

'there are three types of people in the world.

'There are lions...

'..there are lambs...

MOBILE RINGS

'..and there are shepherds.

'Life is all about working out which type of person you are.'

No more games. No more tests.

'Lift going up.

'Doors closing.'

Hello.

Hi.

I guess we should talk.

I couldn't agree more.

Ms Campbell... You're back?

As I said I would be.

-How's Jason?

-Recovering.

Who drew up this rota and what exactly is "administrative duty"

and why am I doing it to the exclusion of all else?

It's teaching... and that sort of thing.

Teaching who?

Me.

Well, juniors like me

and others...

who are junior.

Who authorised this?

I wouldn't call it "lighter duties".

What else would you call baby-sitting juniors in a wet lab?

Teaching? It's a teaching hospital, after all.

Look, I know you're just looking out for me,

but the last thing I need to be doing is teaching.

Nurturing's not my thing.

I've missed you.

I know.

I just needed...

Space.

I understand.

Just...

What's in the folder?

Oh, nothing. Just a...research project.

KNOCK AT DOOR

ED are sending through trauma patients. Serious RTC.

So how was the conference?

Incredible.

Networking,

weather, beaches...

Juan, the dedicated hotel masseur.

OK, I get the picture.

And the entire experience was ruined by

a Dominic Copeland-sized hole in my life.

Well, whose fault was that?

I think we both made mistakes, don't you? Did things we regret?

And what do you regret?

Whatever made you push me away.

I didn't push you away.

I wanted you to listen.

All right.

I'm listening.

Look, if we need to move on, we need to clear the air.

Be brutally honest with each other.

And if we get past that, maybe we can...start over.

-Clean slate?

-Exactly.

So..

What do I need to do to make this work?

You need to stop testing me.

I want you to have faith in me as a doctor

and as your partner.

And I want to spend more time with my friends.

I also want to do more couple-y things.

I want to go to DIY stores.

I want to buy pot plants.

-Have dinner parties!

-OK.

Well, invite Zosia and Oliver round for dinner.

Tonight. I'm cooking.

Really?

I draw the line at DIY.

What do you need me to do?

Believe...

in yourself.

In us.

Believe that I love you.

I believe.

Then you'll understand why, last week, after you left,

I went to a bar, got drunk, and ended up sleeping with someone else.

To be fair, I thought you had broken up with me so, technically,

it wasn't "cheating". It was more rebound sex.

-Who?

-It doesn't matter.

Do I know them?

Dom, really, it's irrelevant.

How...?

How can you say that?

Because it wasn't about HIM - it was about US.

We just promised to tell each other the truth in an attempt to

save our relationship.

That means something to me.

It means everything.

But...if you can't get past this...

..if we can't trust each other...

..then maybe we should just call it a day right here and now.

Is that what you want?

-No...

-Are you sure?

Yes.

If you two lovebirds have finished,

ED have sent us a present.

On our way.

Clean slate?

Mr Turpin. Do you mind if I examine your abdomen?

Whatever. Just don't call me "Mr Turpin".

Why don't you like being called Mr Turpin?

Because it's stupid.

Turnip, Turn-up, Terrapin...

You'd understand if you'd gone to public school.

-What do you mean?

-Daniel it is, then.

-HE GROANS

-My apologies.

Nurse Harrison, can I get FBC, U&Es, LFTs, clotting,

group and save, please?

Do you think I offended her?

I can be a little defensive at times.

I'm sure she'll survive.

Excuse me a moment.

Possible splenic injury. Do you mind if I order an ultrasound?

Case is all yours.

Faith in you as a doctor, right?

Unless you want me to take over?

No.

It's fine.

OK.

This is Brian Dunblane, 60. Penetrating chest trauma.

BP 90/60, pulse 110.

This is a chest X-ray from the ED.

Well, Mr Dunblane, you've bashed yourself up good and proper.

Brian was the "bashee" rather than a "basher", so to speak.

This is Mr Dunblane's wife...

Lexy?

Hello, Serena.

You know each other?

We did.

You're married to him?

Bit of a whirlwind,

which you'd know if you still came to church.

You were in the RTC? What happened?

Act of God.

Is Brian going to be OK?

Oh, I'm afraid he's got a significant chest injury,

so we'll need to run some tests before we can say anything for sure.

Ms Campbell... Lexy?!

Jasmine, right?

You know each other?

Dr Burrows was present at the last act of God that came my way.

The regeneration of my heart.

-Ms Campbell?

-Excuse me.

Chest drain here, please.

Ruptured DJ flexure. Needs to be in theatre now.

How's your guy?

Chest drain, so...wait and see.

He's just a boy.

Old enough to drive, old enough to drink. Toxicology results.

Blimey. It's not even nine o'clock.

So much for an act of God.

Prep him for theatre now, please.

I don't get it.

We are de-cluttering.

Ever since I moved into Oliver's, we can't move for tat.

Whether it's his VHS tape of the X-Files...

Her subscription to Hello magazine.

His Beano collection...

Random hockey sticks lying around.

-Er, lacrosse, actually.

-"Lacrosse, actually"!

Anyway, the point is, it has to go, so...my tat. His tat.

So you get to choose what to chuck from each other's box?

Exactly. For example...

-Not my golf clubs.

-When did you last play?

-Two thousand and...

-Thank you.

-Right.

-..four.

-Gone.

-Gone.

-See? Not so bad, is it?

Anyway, you never know.

We might find out something new about each other.

PAGER BLEEPS Ooh!

-To be continued!

-Bye-ee!

OK, give us a gander at Zosia's box.

-It just doesn't feel right.

-Come on!

A second edition Bronte?

Zosia's got some classy tat.

This can't be right.

It's an engagement ring, isn't it?

Ah. That's not an engagement ring, doofus.

-What is it, then?

-A massive bloody hint, mate.

You're being ridiculous. Zosia has zero interest in getting married.

So you've had this discussion?

Not exactly.

Well, how about "inexactly"?

We haven't even discussed marriage.

-Then how do you know?

-I don't, I guess.

Where's it come from?

I mean, she's just moved in with me.

-It's the mysteries of love, innit?

-Ah...

Sometimes it's just the right time. Something in the air.

Fate intervenes. The universe

telling you to reach out and grab the moment.

There is no such thing as fate,

let alone fate taking a hand in serious, grown-up life decisions.

When the universe speaks...

Oh, no, the universe is not trying to send me a message, OK?!

-Mr Valentine?

-Yeah?

ED sent up some patients.

My fiance's having problems with his pacemaker. Can you help?

When the universe wants to tell you something,

it really doesn't mess about.

SHE HUMS: Here Comes The Bride

We were on our way to church when I started feeling sick.

Mum made the priest's husband turn back, then - bam!

Out of nowhere...

Is your mother OK?

Not a scratch.

Did she not come up here with you?

Stayed in ED.

The Sheep Herder - her latest fiance - was having palpitations.

Probably faking it to get out of marrying her.

Mum's four for four.

Four weddings, one funeral, three divorces.

Ouch.

It's like she has some... emptiness she needs to fill.

Maybe she's in love.

You've never been in love?

What would be the point?

Give it time.

The ugly duckling does become the swan.

What would you know about it?

You'd be surprised.

The ultrasound has shown there's possible damage to your spleen,

so I'm going to need to do a CT.

Excuse me, I've got a delivery for Mr Mayfield.

Yeah, sure, I can take that.

-Thanks.

-Cheers.

The other driver. Is he...?

Stable, for now.

Good. I'm glad.

Really?

You're very forgiving.

It's in the job description.

Hm.

You haven't been back to service.

No. Church was my mother's thing. I went to keep her company.

Once she died, there was no point.

Shame.

Adrienne's faith gave her comfort.

Adrienne died terrified and in pain.

By the end, nothing gave her comfort.

Not me, not morphine,

and certainly not her faith.

I'm sorry.

The boy who almost killed your husband

had a blood alcohol reading of 0.12 -

that's really high.

If you're looking for a reason,

look no further than that.

I want Mr Dunblane's chest drain on suction 2kpa and 15-minute obs.

I'm sure Ms Campbell didn't mean that.

Serena rarely says anything she doesn't mean.

She's going through a tough time.

Daniel's ECG.

This reads like a myocardial infarction.

He also has a recent history of dizziness and nausea.

I'd quite like to get a consult from Zosia, if I may.

And while I'm at it, I can invite her and Oliver round for dinner

-this evening, if that's still happening.

-Huh?

Yes, of course.

I spent quite a bit of time with them while you were away.

Stopped me from getting lonely.

What about you? What did you get up to? Meet anyone new?

Make any friends?

Not really.

That's odd. You're usually the life and soul of the party.

-Is everything all right?

-Apart from the fact you just told me

-you cheated on me.

-I thought we agreed - clean slate?

Just how dirty did that slate get?

Look, I want to forget last week ever happened.

But if you can't do that, then you need to tell me now.

We don't have anything without trust. Right?

Right.

Just a blip.

I'm fine.

Good.

Let me know what Zosia says about that ECG.

Excellent! His passcode is my birthday. Sweet.

Right, "J".

"Jaime". "Jeremy".

Do you recognise any of these?

No. Not yet.

So he slept with someone else.

But he told you - he didn't have to do that.

So you forgive him or you don't.

You trust him or you don't.

OK.

So Mr Turpin has some STT changes, but creatine,

kinase and troponin indicate no myocardial infarction.

What if he is actually seeing someone else?

Well, then he doesn't deserve you.

But what does that say about me?

Nothing.

Don't always assume you deserve the worst, Dominic.

Yeah, I just struggle to believe that I deserve any better.

I want the entire ward searched!

We have a thief.

We do? What's been stolen?

My phone, I put it right here in the drawer and now it's gone.

Right, OK.

Essie, will you call security, please?

I don't think there's any need to call security.

Somebody's probably just picked it up by accident.

Phones all look alike these days.

I really think calling security's a little bit overboard.

I'm not calling security.

Then who are you calling?

PHONE RINGS

See? I told you. They all look alike. I mean...

HE PANTS, MACHINE BEEPS

OK, bradycardic... Atropine 0.6 milligrams.

Is it the spleen?

Is there any pain, Daniel?

BP's up.

Heart rate stabilising.

Feel better?

What did Zosia say when she saw the ECG?

Clinically - no myocardial infarction.

Well, if it's not the heart, then it must be the splenic injury,

but that doesn't explain the bradycardia.

OK, then I'll book another CT scan.

Dom?

My phone?

Why didn't you tell me about Elinor?

What? I... How do you know?

Dr Burrows tell you?

She was just trying to help.

She needs to learn discretion.

She wasn't gossiping, Serena.

She was trying to explain.

Explain what?

Why you're so angry.

I'm not angry.

You don't have to pretend that everything's all right.

I'm not.

Then what are you doing here?

Working. What else should I be doing?

Grieving.

Yeah, I'll leave wailing to a non-existent Sky Fairy

for other people to do.

I'll be looking for my answers in science.

I hope you find them.

And if you don't,

I hope you find peace.

Er... It's Mr Dunblane.

BP 120/80. Pulse 90.

Saturation 62%.

Did you check the suction? When did you last do obs?

-20 minutes ago.

-I said every 15 minutes.

Right, we need to get him into theatre now, please.

Maybe if you hadn't been so busy gossiping about my personal life...

Your pacemaker has detached from the heart,

so we will need to operate immediately and reconnect it.

And is it dangerous?

All surgery carries risk.

-We can't wait?

-Well, it's not advisable, no.

Would you mind just signing these consent forms?

I will, on one condition.

What's that?

We want to get married first.

As I said, this can't really wait.

No, no. We want to get married right here, right now.

On the ward?

Or no operation.

KNOCK ON DOOR

I'm glad you asked to see me, actually.

I was wondering, do you think that Daniel Turpin's symptoms

could be caused by some sort of exposure to a toxic substance?

It's a good theory. Run with it.

What can I do for you?

Do you know who this is?

-No.

-It's my niece.

She's 19, talented...

outdoorsy, fun.

I want you to get to know my niece.

Her name's Jaime. She's stored in my phone under the letter "J".

I can explain.

Do you know what hurts? It's not that you lied to me.

Stole my phone.

It's that after promising to be honest,

to believe in us...

..you didn't even come to me. You went to Zosia.

I'm sorry...

So am I.

I don't think this is going to work out, Dom.

We just keep finding ways of hurting each other.

You... You're breaking up with me?

I don't think you've left me any other choice.

Do you?

It went as well as can be expected.

-He's sleeping now, but...

-Thank you.

Oh. OK, well, it's my job.

But thank you anyway.

I thought that you'd be...

Above fear? Free of doubt?

Well, isn't that what faith is for?

It's not a crutch. Or it shouldn't be.

I love Brian deeply.

I now cannot imagine life without him.

Now, I'm sorry, I've got to go.

I'm officiating at a wedding on Darwin.

One that was abruptly interrupted earlier.

Young Jasmine. I think she feels responsible for Brian's crisis.

She isn't.

Maybe she needs to hear that from you.

She thinks I'm useless.

She's grieving.

She hates me.

She has been on my case since the moment I arrived.

I'll talk to her. In my capacity as Foundation Doc...

Jeez.

You all right?

This is Elinor's case review.

-These are confidential, aren't they?

-Mm-hm.

Ah, Jasmine, I want...

What are you doing with those?

They fell and I...

Get out.

You can't talk to her like that.

An F1 going through my private papers - I'll talk how I like.

What are you doing with those?

Research. Was there anything else?

Look, I know how you feel...

..the pain.

But do you think you may have come back a bit too soon?

You know, after Arthur died, I felt...

You had two months knowing Arthur was terminal.

Two months to prepare.

I had two minutes.

You don't know what I'm feeling at all.

So, she's really marrying him?

Despite everything that's happened?

Daniel, why is this such a bad thing?

After my father died...

..I remember my mum crying.

I'd go into her room, hold her, but...

..I couldn't help her.

One night, the crying stopped.

I went.

There was a man in her room.

That's when I realised my mother doesn't love me.

That there's something wrong with me.

That's not true.

Do you know why the ugly duckling made it?

Because he was actually a swan!

What if I'm just an actual ugly duckling?

Then you change.

Transform.

Become something, someone different.

If your mother won't notice you, then you make her.

But you have to do something.

Anything.

Be fabulous.

-You really think

-I

-can be fabulous?

I think you can be whatever you want to be.

You coming?

My plus-one?

I would love to.

But one of us has to stay here and work out what's wrong with you.

'Daniel Turpin's stepfather is a farmer.'

He and his mother moved in with him about eight months ago.

Two months after that, Daniel starts experiencing these...allergies.

I think that he's been exposed to organophosphates

from the pesticides used on the farm.

Outstanding catch, Dr Copeland.

Was there something else?

Daniel's mother is going ahead with the wedding.

He asked me to be his plus-one.

Do you want me to take over?

No, I think I can handle a little bit of hero worship.

Be careful, Dom.

-He's just a kid.

-Who craves attention.

He feels unloved. Unlovable. He's probably never experienced it.

And therefore might mistake it for simple kindness.

Might not take rejection well.

What would YOU know? I doubt you've been rejected in your life.

Just don't get too close, OK?

Well, I can handle it.

-I think I know the kid better than you do.

-Of course you do.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-Oh, come on.

A spotty, needy teenager with absentee father issues,

slight oedipal complex,

he hates everything about himself, including his own name.

Remind you of anyone YOU used to know...Dazzle?

-That's unfair.

-Is it?

Just be careful.

I can't believe you got married.

Not shotgun, I hope!

No!

Known Brian 30 years or more. Worked together, played together.

And then one day...it was love.

Looks like you regenerated my heart in more ways than one!

And maybe your own as well.

After the events of today, a poem by John Donne comes to mind.

Rhona?

Then, Jack, if you could put the ring on Rhona's finger.

I wonder, by my troth, what thou and I

Did, till we loved?

Were we not weaned till then?

But sucked on country pleasures, childishly?

Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers' den?

'Twas so, but this, all pleasures fancies be.

If ever any beauty I did see

Which I desired, and got, 'twas but a dream of thee...

And now good morrow to our waking souls.

Which watch not one another out of fear,

For love, all love of other sights controls,

And makes one little room an everywhere.

You may kiss.

Sorry.

To be fair, that is only the second most revolting thing I've seen

in the last few minutes.

-What are you doing with those?

-Trying to understand.

Piece together what happened to Elinor and make sure

-it never happens again.

-How?

-By looking at our procedures

and seeing what we could have done differently,

-what was missed.

-Nothing was missed.

Nothing obvious. But I found this, you see.

Dr Burrows and Elinor talked to each other. Look.

"The patient spoke of needing to use the water closet."

Elinor never called the loo the "water closet" in her life.

That wasn't her talking, it was the haemorrhage. She was confused.

It's not even an obvious one point drop in GCS.

Dr Burrows can't have assumed that.

But she can be trained to look for it.

See, what happened to Elinor - there's a reason.

Something that can be learned from and fixed.

There'll be other answers in there and I'm going to find them.

What if you can't?

What are you doing with those? Come on, now, give them back to me.

-I can't let you do this to yourself, Serena.

-That's not your decision

-to make.

-You're tilting at windmills.

-Give her back to me!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Did you order a head CT for Mr Dunblane?

No. ED might have requested one before sending him on to us. Why?

It's just that Neuro have called me about their findings.

Oh... OK.

Thank you.

-You're certainly full of surprises today.

-I am?

Scissors, please.

-Your box.

-Ah...you found my little secret.

I certainly did.

And?

It's a big decision.

That's why I left it to you.

Yeah, you don't think it's worth us discussing?

Well, it's a yes or no. Right?

Right.

Well?

BEEPING What is it?

The leads have come out of the atrium. Caused a bleed.

Apply pressure, please. Purse strings, please, Nurse.

Thank you.

BEEPING STOPS

We should probably save this conversation for later.

It could have been there for years or it could have formed

a few weeks ago. We simply don't know.

Ruptured cerebral aneurysm?

Yes.

And what happens now?

Neurosurgery are putting together a team.

They'll be here as soon as they can, all right?

Hey, you.

You gave me a scare.

You're going to be just fine.

OK? I'll be here.

Waiting like al...

-BEEPING

-Crash trolley!

CONTINUOUS BEEP

No output.

Back in.

CONTINUOUS BEEP CONTINUES

What were Elinor's final words?

Sorry?

What was the last thing she said? Was it something profound?

I don't know. I wasn't there.

"If you say so, love" - that's the last thing Brian said to me.

I told him to take a left onto Holly Way,

avoid the traffic on the A road.

"If you say so, love."

He's so young.

"Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed,

"for God made man in his own image."

You do understand that Brian's death wasn't caused by the accident?

I wasn't talking about him. I was talking about God.

The God I've served my entire life.

The God who took my Brian from me. Who took your Elinor.

Who let this creature live.

Mysterious ways.

You should have let him bleed to death on the operating table.

BEEPING, GASPING

What happened?

Same as what happened before, only worse.

Any pain?

BEEPING STOPS

The atropine seems to be working again.

Well, there goes my organophosphate theory.

Unless you went to the wedding via his stepfather's farm.

No, just Darwin, via ED to get his suit.

Essie? Would you please page Isaac for me?

Feeling better?

I am now you're here.

Knew you'd look after me.

Well, it's time to give another doctor a chance.

I'm going to refer your case to one of our registrars.

No. You can't do that.

You need help, Daniel.

I need YOU. That's how it works, right?

I get sick, you look after me. Otherwise, what's the point?

What's the point? In what?

Getting sick?

Daniel... are you doing this to yourself?

-Leave me alone.

-I'm trying to help you.

You just said you can't.

Munchausen's? Really? It's very hard to prove.

Faking symptoms is one thing, but actually poisoning yourself?

He's got to have pesticide on him somewhere.

And I'm either going to find it in this and be proven right

or I'm not and be proven wrong.

Nothing?

Nothing.

Did he...? Did he use the toilet at all?

I mean, was he... was he ever out of sight?

Yeah, he got changed in the ED, that's where his suit was.

-Right, and who brought him in?

-Jeremy.

-Who?

-Jez - Mr 7.5...

I didn't... I didn't realise his name was Jeremy.

STIRS DRINK, TAPS SPOON ON MUG

I didn't mean to scare you.

Oh, no, you didn't scare me.

You know...

I'd really rather you didn't leave us.

INDISTINCT SPEECH

Jasmine...

you were the last person to speak to my daughter.

Was I?

-Um, yeah, I suppose so.

-What did she say?

-Ms Campbell, I really don't think...

-Please.

Um...

Elinor said she wanted to go to the toilet.

But instead of saying "toilet", she said "water closet".

I thought she meant the shower.

And the next time I saw her...

So much for profound last words.

Those weren't her last words.

-What?

-She'd written an article.

Yes, I know. We... We argued about it.

There were factual errors she felt I should have informed her of...

No, not that one, another one. Well, another draft.

She was about to send it off.

Another draft?

Yeah, and she was really happy with it.

So, technically, THOSE are her last words.

In the toilet bin, just like you said it would be.

How did you know?

Just a hunch.

Well, um, be careful with that. It's... It's nasty stuff.

I didn't realise your name was Jeremy.

What else would Jez be short for?

Everything went OK?

-Better than OK.

-So, all back to normal?

-Yeah, everything working as it should be.

-Oh!

Everything?

SHE GIGGLES

Just try not to, er, jolt anything loose, yeah?

The number of people that find heart surgery to be some form of

aphrodisiac is somewhat disturbing.

Mr Valentine, is that an engagement ring in your pocket

or are you just pleased to see me?

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Oh, it IS a ring.

-Sh!

-You're actually going to do it? You're going to ask her?

-Sh, sh.

ZOSIA YELLS

Ah, tell me you didn't put a marriage proposal on a Post-it Note?

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot!

-Zosia? What's wrong?

-Aargh, I brought the wrong box.

-What?

-This box. This isn't tat.

-It isn't?

-No, it's not. It's my mum's stuff. Precious stuff.

It was meant to go in the loft, not in the bin!

You haven't thrown anything away, have you?

No. Nothing.

I can't find it.

-What?

-My mother's engagement ring.

I kept it here with her second edition Bronte, but it's gone.

It isn't. It's here.

What's it doing in your pocket?

-What's that?

-What was it doing in your pocket?

-(Do it!)

Ah...huh...

I found it.

CLUCKS LIKE A CHICKEN Yes?

And, um...

I thought it could do with a clean.

Aw! You're so sweet!

-Ah, it's...it's fine.

-Thank you.

Kiss?

Whew!

-What? It wasn't the right time.

-Mm-hm.

It was just a misunderstanding anyway...

SHE CLUCKS

-Dr Copeland...

-I need to speak to Isaac. I finally have proof.

-I can't let you approach Mr Turpin.

-What? Why?

-Dom, you can't be here.

-What's going on?

Daniel's made a complaint.

-About what?

-About you.

He's requested another doctor.

'My mother once told me there are three types of people

'in the world - lions, lambs and shepherds.

'Life is all about working out which type of person you are.'

ELINOR CONTINUES: 'Needless to say my mother - Serena Wendy Campbell,

'Consultant Surgeon, Harvard Alumni and former Deputy CEO

'of Holby City Hospital - is a lion.

'And I had to learn the hard way that I was a lamb.

'HER lamb.'

He said you made him feel uncomfortable.

That you weren't professional.

-I have to follow procedure.

-Understood.

How do you get yourself into these scrapes?

Arthur would say I bring them on myself.

Maybe Arthur isn't the friend you made him out to be.

Seems I attract that type -

people who aren't who they make themselves out to be.

This is what Daniel has been creating his symptoms with.

He'll need a psych assessment - sooner rather than later.

Where did you get this?

Off Jeremy Andrews.

He's known as "Jez" to his mates. But then, you'd know that.

You don't give up, do you?

Like a dog with a bone.

Yes, me and Mr 7.5 went out for a drink.

We went back to his place and we had some fun.

-Feel better for knowing?

-All this... because I flirted with him?

No, because you abandoned me

hours before we were due to fly to a really important conference together.

You don't get to play the victim.

-You slept with someone else.

-When I needed you most,

you turned your back on me and went to your safe place, to Zosia,

like you did today, like you always do.

You lied to me!

About being honest, about a clean slate, about your niece, Jaime...

Jaime came to the conference with me.

You think I took Jez? I don't love Jez. I love you.

-You keep saying you love me.

-Because it's true...

Well, I don't believe it!

Of course you don't.

Because you don't believe anyone could love you.

That's why you push me away.

PAGER BEEPS

ANOTHER PAGER BEEPS

-Essie?

-BP's crashed. He's tachycardic.

-Not like before?

-No, this isn't like before.

You haven't taken anything this time, have you?

-I'm sorry.

-Don't be.

I'm scared.

HE GROANS

It's definitely the spleen. You need to get him to theatre immediately.

It's your patient, Dr Copeland. I'll be there with you.

Clamp over the splenic hilum.

-I can't see. There's too much blood.

-Suction.

Thank you.

-I can't... I can't reach it.

-Then extend your incision.

And what about blood loss?

Will be irrelevant once the hilum's clamped. It's all about access.

I believe in you, Darren.

Now believe in yourself.

Scalpel.

You...called me Darren.

In theatre. You called me Darren.

Did I?

With all the alliteration going on, I must have got mixed up.

Dominic, Daniel...

Darren...

I'm not Darren. Not any more.

Then who are you?

Who IS Dominic?

He's the man you fell in love with.

No.

I fell in love with you.

Dominic doesn't know what love is.

Dominic pushed me away.

Dominic chose Zosia.

That's why Dominic is alone.

Why he'll always be alone.

MUSIC: You Know I'm No Good by Amy Winehouse

# I cheated myself

# Like I knew I would... #

Looking for me?

Er...no.

Actually, you are.

I texted you from Isaac's phone.

And why would you do that?

Because I wanted to...talk.

And that seemed like the quickest way to make that happen.

OK.

Talk.

I gave you a 7.5.

I rarely go above a 7.

Thank you.

I never slept with a 7.5, either.

Fancy it?

Are you drunk or something?

No.

Does that make this more or less weird?

It makes this conversation...over.

No, look, you don't need to go. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

What do you want, mate?

I don't know.

You?

What's your problem?

What's...? What's wrong with me?

I don't do strange.

Got something of yours.

Is that how it works?

One moment of doubt wipes out an entire lifetime of service?

It was a bad moment.

Isn't that God's thing - to send tests?

He doesn't brook failure.

Ah, well, then we've got more in common than I thought.

You know, I've always believed

that there are three types of people in this world.

Lions...

..lambs...

..and shepherds.

It's a form of Munchausen's.

Daniel doesn't feel lovable,

so he finds other ways of gaining attention.

-You think that I don't love you?

-It's not that.

It's that he doesn't feel deserving of your love, or anyone's love.

But with help,

he can and will get through it.

And how can you know that?

Because when I was Daniel's age, I had a similar condition.

Mum? Can you give us a minute?

Is that true?

You used to be like me?

I still am.

But you became a swan?

(I faked it.)

I'm still just an ugly duckling.

'My mother once told me there are three types of people.

'There are lions... and there are lambs...'

'And here and there, you'll find a shepherd.

'Nowhere is this truer than the NHS...'

But I am curious - what was the surprising thing

you found in my box?

Am I the only one who finds all this box talk a little bit naughty?

Yeah, I guess I am.

Yeah, Ollie, what WAS surprising in Zosia's box?

I don't know what you mean.

In my proper box of tat, I left a Wonder Woman outfit

from my high school disco days.

It's pretty embarrassing, but I thought I'd give you

the option of seeing me in it one last time.

Yes, please.

But in theatre, you said you'd found something surprising.

-Mm.

-That it was a big decision,

that we'd need to talk about it later.

-What was it?

-Yes, Ollie, what was it?

It's just the second edition Bronte.

I figured you'd want to sell it.

We could get it, um...

..valued.

Well, that's a very sensible idea.

Thank you.

SHE CLUCKS

-ELINOR:

-'There are lions, who lead.

'The alphas...consultants, registrars, chief nurses...'

-SERENA:

-'And there are the lambs - juniors, F1s, CT2s.

'Capable, yes. Talented - of course.

'Vulnerable?

'Very much so.'

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for pushing you away.

And I'm sorry for not believing in us.

And I'm sorry for hurting you.

Forgive me?

ELINOR: 'And watching this dynamic - watching HER -

'I understood my mother in a way I never had before.

'The NHS is a warzone. The hospital a front line.

'With officers and soldiers. Lions and lambs.'

-BOTH:

-'My mother is a lion.

'Her staff are her lambs.

'And the lion has to teach the lamb...'

'Even if it kills them.'