Episode 1 In the Club

# Thinking what a wonderful world

# Yeah Thinking what a wonderful world

# Ooh, ooh

# Watching as the colours light the Earth

# Thinking what a wonderful world

# Yeah

# Thinking what a wonderful world

# Hee-ee

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

# I'm in a wonderful world. #

Neil! Neil!

NEIL!

Sorry. Sorry, I tried. She wouldn't take it.

I've been up four times with her in the night.

I know, I know. Maybe if the milk was warmer...

BABY CRIES

HE SIGHS

I think when I gave birth to Emily,

my libido was on the other end of the cord,

cos it's completely bloody vanished.

I haven't felt aroused or wanted sex since the day I had her.

Hi, Chris. It's me again. I'm just trying to get in touch with you.

Ring me or text me as soon as you get this message, please.

'I don't think it would bother me if Neil took a lover.'

No, I'd better delete that.

If I were Neil I'd leave me,

find someone else.

In fact, he's probably planning to do exactly that,

except it's his flat, so he'd have to ask me to leave,

then I wouldn't have anywhere to live.

Oh, Simon! He smells like he's shat for England.

BABY WAILS

Hello, darling. Come on, up you come.

Oh, Si, it's all coming out the side of his nappy!

Good boy, come on. Oh!

Breakfast.

Lovely.

Who are you writing to?

Just doing my blog.

'I can't even be bothered to speak to him sometimes.'

Why don't you get a couple of hours' kip while she's asleep?

I will do, just as soon as I've finished this.

'I know I'm being horrible, but I just can't go there,

'besides I stink of sweat and stale milk.

'Sometimes I look down at this vulnerable little being who

'relies on me for her very existence,

'when I'm breast-feeding and her face

'is a picture of sleepy milk bliss,

'my heart is full of love for her.

'and other times, usually on the third or fourth time

'she screams for milk in the middle of the night,

'I think, "You little brat. I hate you."'

There we go, darling. There we go. Look at that.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Get that for me, will you, love?

-Come on. Come on.

-Sam, take over from me.

-That's it, baby.

Come on, Sam. Help your mam out.

-You all right? Hiya.

-Oh, hiya, love.

Now, he's had his breakfast and there is a clean change

and four nappies in the bag.

OK, you know I'm going to see Rick this afternoon,

-so me mam'll be looking after him.

-Oh, that's great. He loves your mam.

-I'll be here for when you pick him up, though.

-His pushchair's outside.

All right, darling. You be a good boy for Diane. Bye-bye.

-See you later.

-See you.

Come on, then, darling. One more. That's it.

She's wet her pants and drawn on me homework.

I think her mam left some clean pants in the bag by the bottom

of the stairs. I'll have a look

later and see what I can do with your homework.

Come on, darling.

'I used to have conversations with friends. We talked about stuff

'other than babies and we drank wine, got pissed.

'Oh, my God, I've forgotten how good it is to be pissed!'

I think the boiler's completely knackered this time.

Oh, for goodness' sake. We're going to have to ring the landlord.

OK.

-There we g... Huh!

-BABY LAUGHS

(You little...)

You're not supposed to flick it in Mummy's face,

are you, darling? That's not very nice, is it?

Now mummy's going to have to wash her hair again. Ooh, Sonny...

'What I don't understand,

'what is totally and utterly beyond me,

'is why anybody in their right mind has another baby?

'They either have to be insane or have a chronic case of amnesia.'

I think you have two godmothers and one godfather if it's a girl.

Oh, right, so it's quite strict, then.

Yeah. Kim's the main godmother, though.

We're going to have a Namkaran for Amber.

It's like a naming ceremony.

It really should've happened on the twelfth day after her birth.

No, it's all right, Mum,

as long as it happens before her first birthday.

-Who told you that?

-I don't know.

Same person who told you you can't get pregnant

when you're breast-feeding, probably.

You know what? I'm not going to open me mouth any more,

cos whatever I say, it'll be wrong.

Er, yeah. What's this?

My sons.

You hope.

You're really leaving it far too late for her Namkaran.

I think it must be lovely having twins.

Oh, yeah, but it's so uncomfortable, and I nearly live here.

Honestly, I get clinic appointments, like, every other week.

I'd a water infection at me last appointment,

so I've had to come and have it checked again.

Anyway, it'll be nice to get it all over and done with together,

cos they'll have each other to grow up with

and we'll get all nappies finished together.

You'll be changing most of 'em.

-I do already.

-That's true.

So christening's at ten o'clock?

Yeah, St Margaret's, cos that's where me mam and dad got married.

I knew it were you. You're Dinah Hutchinson's daughter, aren't you?

-Yeah, why?

-I were a bridesmaid at your mam's wedding.

Cor, last time I saw you, you must've been nine, ten.

You haven't changed at all!

I went to school with your mam. We were best friends.

How is she?

She died two year ago of breast cancer.

Oh, God, no!

I'm sorry. That's terrible.

I kept thinking about her, er...

I didn't know how to get in touch, or where she were living and...

I'm so sorry. Shit, that's terrible.

I feel awful now.

It... It's all right.

God, you're young to be having a baby.

-It's me second...

-Oh, my God!

I've already got a little daughter called Dinah after me mam.

Aw, that's lovely.

Are you having a baby?

Me? Jesus, no. God, am I that fat? No.

No, sorry, I... I didn't mean...

No, no, no, I'm here with me daughter,

Shelly. She's a surrogate for two lads I clean for.

Mum!

I'm just renting out me womb. 10K if I deliver an healthy baby.

-Right.

-What did she say?

Yeah. It's nice to help out and I

get all me payday loans sorted in one go.

Barking mad, but she won't be told.

I'm just off to lav.

-Watch my bag.

-Again?

Excuse.

Jasmin, would you like to come through?

Oh, you can't all come.

-But I want to ask...

-Deven said I could go in his...

No! He's coming in with me and you can stay here and look after Amber.

Er, don't you want to know what sex they are?

Oh, shit. I forgot about that! Take care.

You're next in room two with Geraldine

if you want to head through, sweetheart.

If I'm not here when you get out, I'll see you tomorrow.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, definitely.

-Take care.

Sorry about me mam. I hope she didn't upset you.

No, I think I recognise her.

Did she used to have blonde hair?

She's been every colour you can think of.

She had blonde hair before she broke up with me dad

and then she went black and spiky.

And then when she came back from Ibiza, she'd gone red

and had three tattoos.

She's calmed down a bit now, though.

I'd better go.

BABY WHIMPERS

Sh-sh-sh. Hello.

Hello.

Come on.

Can you see what sex they are?

-You're 25 weeks?

-Yeah, that's right.

-Are they boys?

I thought you didn't want to know.

Oh, he's been driving me mad for past two weeks and I've given in.

-Are you all right?

-Yeah, just a bit sore.

Can you just keep very still and we can get a better look at them...

Is there something wrong?

She's looking to see if they've got willies or not.

Hey, maybe it's one of each.

Oh, don't you listen to anything anyone tells you?

They're identical, you div. They're either boys or girls.

Was there any discordance last time?

There was a discrepancy in the amniotic fluid measurements,

but it wasn't that bad. Absent EDF.

I think we should let Dr Stone have a look.

Why, what is it?

One of the twins looks a bit bigger than the other.

What's wrong with that?

We just need to check that everything's all right, OK?

Shelly! BABY CRIES

Oh, my God!

Someone help me! Shelly, it's a baby!

-I found a baby in the toilet!

-You've found a baby!

-Oh, my God! It's still attached...

-Oh, my God!

-..to the thingy...

Oh, my God! It was crying in the next cubicle.

Oh, my Lord, it looks like it's just been born.

-Look how little it is.

-Someone just left it in the toilet?

Emergency. Neo-natal to reception.

It were on a load of paper towels on the floor.

I just... I couldn't believe what I were seeing at first.

-Jesus, I feel really shaky.

-Sit down, Mam. Sit down.

-Sit down, love.

Oh, get us me e-ciggie out of me bag, front pocket.

You can't smoke that in here. I'm sorry.

God, just to calm me nerves.

Newborn found in the toilet, placenta still attached.

Don't know the gestation, but it certainly looks prem.

I'd say it was literally born a couple of hours ago.

-What were all that gunk on its head?

-Oh, God.

They're born with it. The midwives wipe it off when they're born.

-You all right? Got it?

-BABY WHIMPERS

Will I get... Will I get me coat back?

As soon as they've cleaned him up and got him into an incubator.

I wouldn't bother, it's just we're on the bus

and it looks like rain. Poor little thing.

-It's quite a shock, in't it?

-Yeah, me whole body's shaking.

Last year, we had a full term left in the reception with

a note in its nappy bag.

This one's definitely prem, and the mother'll need some attention.

Listen, I'm going to have to report this to the police,

-so would you mind hanging about, lovely?

-No, no, cos I'm here with

our Shelly. She's got to see her consultant, so...

Can I get a tea?

-Yeah, of course. I'll put kettle on. Er, Helen Osbourne?

-Yeah.

Could you go to room two, please? And you,

I'll see you in a couple of weeks to check...

-I'll see you tomorrow.

-Oh, yeah, I was forgetting.

Listen, you remember to drink plenty of water, Rosie.

I'll see you later. Bye.

It's Dinah's christening tomorrow. Ten o'clock at St Margaret's.

Oh, right. Lovely.

You can both come if you like.

Cheers, love. That's really nice of you to invite us.

I've just got to go outside and have a ciggie.

I'll walk with you.

BABY GURGLES

I think she's going to be walking soon.

Is that early, or... I don't know anything about kids.

Jude didn't even attempt to walk until he was, like, 16 months.

Hiya, love. Well?

Four Bs.

Oh, fantastic, brilliant. Oh, and with a baby as well.

-I'm so proud of you, love.

-Does Rosie know?

No, erm, her phone's turned off, so she must still be at the hospital.

You'll have to decide what subjects you want to take for A level next.

I see it's sold, then.

Yeah, well, they've agreed a price

and they want to move pretty quick, so...

So, er, what are we going to do now?

You've not found anywhere you like yet.

Are we going to rent somewhere or...

Yeah, well, we wanted to talk to you about that.

Yeah, we just thought we'd, erm, hold off for a bit

and go travelling, didn't we?

Right. And what about me and Rosie?

Where are we going to live?

Well, it's... It's not really our problem, Jude, is it?

-Well, I don't understand...

-She didn't mean that.

Look, if we can't provide accommodation, then the council

are going to have to kick in

and give you somewhere to live, aren't they? Especially with Dinah

-and now Rosie being pregnant.

-And what if they don't?

Well, they're not going to see you on the streets, are they, love?

Of course not.

And you could always stay with your dad and Kim till we get back.

SHE SIGHS

Oh.

Oh, sh...

Oh.

Oh, that's horrible.

Oh, God!

-Oh!

-You all right?

Oh, how come everybody else has lost their baby weight?

Vicky, Roanna, Diane...

-Stop it, will you?

-There's only me.

-You look great.

-I look frumpy and bloated.

-No, you don't.

-I must be two sizes bigger than I was before.

I'm... I'm not going to this christening.

You've got to go. You're the godmother.

She'll have to pick another one.

I don't want to see anyone looking like this, least of all Susie.

What's that mean?

Nothing, I just don't want her to see me looking a mess.

Well, you don't look a mess,

and you've got to face her sometime.

I tell you what, seeing as I've got the day off,

why don't I look after Emily and you go into town,

meet a friend, buy yourself something new? My treat.

She'll just scream the whole time.

No, she won't. Look, ring Roanna.

You know you can express some milk

and I'll give her some of that butternut mush.

She won't have it. She'll just spit it out again.

Kim, she's got to start on solids sometime.

Otherwise, you'll be tied to her forever.

'No, I don't think I made a mistake.'

I miss Susie as a friend and I feel really bad about what happened.

Yeah.

But I don't want to be with her sexually.

The truth is I don't want to be with anyone sexually.

-Right.

-I mean, I look at Neil and I can see he's attractive.

-He's really handsome.

-Yeah, he is.

And I love him.

Which reminds me, I'd better ring him.

I've just... I've no energy. I'd rather go to sleep,

watch telly or have a cup of tea and a chocolate Hobnob.

So how long's it been?

Well, we did it three times before I had Emily.

And after?

We haven't.

What? You haven't had sex for nine months?

Nearly ten actually. That's really bad, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, that's bad. I've been reading your blog,

but I didn't realise it was as bad as that.

Sometimes I want it when he's not there, when he's at work...

Hi. Hiya. Yeah. Is she all right?

Oh, Neil, she'll never sleep tonight.

Have you... have you checked she's breathing?

Well, will you check for me, please?

Health visitor says I have to get her in a routine.

Sonny's been sleeping through since he was three months.

-Oh, don't tell me that.

-Sorry.

I bet you and Simon are at it all the time?

-Not all the time, but...

-It's official. I'm a freak.

No, you're not. Stop it.

Listen, we've got our own problems,

living in this damp, cold cottage.

You could've stayed with his parents

till your settlement came through, though.

No, we couldn't. Believe me. That's another story.

Why, cos you were bonking all the time?

I've thought about going to the doctor or getting something herbal

I saw online, but I can't while I'm breast-feeding...

Hiya, yeah. Oh, great.

Yeah, well, erm...

make sure she has all my milk before you start on the squash.

OK, I won't be long. I love you too.

Well, he's a saint, isn't he?

Does he ever read your blog?

-Oh, God, no! He never says anything if he does.

-I tell you what.

I think you should wean her off the breast and then see...

No. I want to keep feeding her

-for as long as I can, it's better for her.

-No. No.

Listen, you're feeding her six or seven times a day

and then two or three times at night. No.

No wonder you're knackered, you're like a bloody milking machine.

-What about you?

-I don't matter.

Yes, you do matter, Kim. You do matter and so does Neil.

Listen, I've read your blog and it's as though you've lost yourself.

Seriously, it's mental this is

the first time you've left her with anybody.

He's her biological father.

I know.

You've become defined by motherhood, sweetheart.

You've forgotten who you are.

Hmm?

Look.

They've got some great coats.

You've been watching me all the way through.

I've had loads of scans.

Sometimes it can just happen out of the blue. I mean, one twin

suddenly gets bigger than the other and that's why we

need to keep a close eye on mothers expecting monochorionic twins.

What does mono... Whatever mean?

It means the babies each have their own amniotic sac,

but they share a placenta.

But they all catch up in the end, don't they?

I mean, Jasmin's little sister were only five pounds

when she was born, and now she's ten stone four.

I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

I just wanted to have a word with my colleague before...

Can I just say? I'm Amita and you've frightened my daughter to death.

Yeah, you made it sound like it was dead serious

and one of the twins could die.

Well, I'm sorry if I alarmed you,

but unfortunately that is the situation.

-Told you.

-I don't understand.

You know that one of your twins is bigger than the other?

What's the problem with that?

Well, let me show you.

For some reason, the placenta has developed blood vessels

that are allowing the blood to flow from one of your twins -

let's call him or her the donor, the smaller one -

to your other twin - let's call him

or her the recipient, the larger one.

Left untreated,

almost certainly one of your twins will die.

There must be something you can do?

There is something.

I have to warn you, this is a pioneering new treatment.

It's invasive and therefore not without considerable risks.

-What kind of risks?

-OK, let me explain.

In order to treat the problem, we need to try

and stop the flow of blood from one twin to the other.

That means blocking the vessels in the placenta

that are causing the problem.

How are you going to do that when it's in me womb?

We insert a special telescope to see the placenta

and then we use a tiny laser to block the blood vessels.

Will that, er... Will it hurt?

No, we use a spinal anaesthetic,

but putting anything inside the womb carries a risk of infection

and it could cause pre-term labour,

and even sudden foetal death.

There is a chance you could lose both babies.

So what's going to happen now?

The baby's being checked over by the neonatal team,

so depending on what they find, it will either stay here or be

handed over to social services.

Cos I'd like to know.

Oh, I'm sure if you ring the hospital, they'll tell you.

Right. Well, if there's anything else.

No, we've got your statement and we'll try and track down this

young woman who was leaving the toilets just as you were entering...

-Well, she were more of a girl than a woman.

-Great.

Are we going now, Mam? Cos I feel like we've been here all day.

I just wondered if maybe I could have a peek at him

now they've cleaned him up.

God, what for? I'm bloody starving.

If you want me to come round tonight, talk it through with you,

I could try and explain it a bit more.

DREAMLIKE ECHOES: I'll ring you, Vicky.

-Thanks. We just need to get home.

-I'll ring you, then.

I just think Dr Stone really would like to keep a close eye on her.

I'll bring her back first thing Monday.

We're all just a bit shocked.

We're still a bit shocked, you know, we're still a bit shocked.

Course, you must be, but I'm here if you need me.

CONVERSATION ECHOES

I thought about putting the twins in separate bedrooms

so they wouldn't wake each other up, but then Zack'd wake our Sam up

and that wouldn't be fair on him cos he's got school in the morning.

And it's already tough for them cos they have to walk themselves now,

cos I can't get meself and the twins ready on time.

I hope you tell 'em not to talk to anybody.

Yeah, course I do.

Ellie's started plucking her eyebrows.

I was looking at her, thinking she looked weird,

and then I realised what it was, so, er...

Anyway, she got told off.

It's probably just cos neither of us are there.

You know, I'm stuck in here and you're working.

I had to do summat, Rick!

-They were going to take the house of us.

-I'm not blaming you.

It's my fault we're in this situation. I know that.

It's just...

Well, I don't want to talk about it.

So, er...

..how are things with you?

Me?

I'm having a fantastic time.

Well, it's not long now.

Yeah, not long.

Hey. You, er, you'd better be going.

Hello. Hello.

I'm home!

Oh, sorry I was a bit longer than I thought. How's she been?

Wow, you look great.

Aw, did you miss me treasure pie?

Did you think I'd left you for ever and ever?

She's been fantastic. Never even whimpered once.

Oh, really?

Well, that's amazing.

Yeah, she's been very happy with her daddy, haven't you?

You've got make-up on.

Yeah, yeah. One of the girl on one of the counters

did it for me for free.

I bought a load of stuff. This and the shoes.

What do you think?

You look amazing. You've got legs.

And a waist.

I've got this thing on that pulls you in.

I can hardly breathe, like, but it does the trick.

Oh, my boobs are about to explode.

Well, she drank all your milk and ate your squash.

All of it? There was enough for two days.

Yeah, I know. She screamed for some more.

Wow. No, that's really good.

-I'll have to express, then.

-Yeah, then we went to the supermarket

and we got a couple of steaks,

some spinach and a nice bottle of wine for supper.

Wine. I've forgotten what that tastes like.

We stopped off in the park on the way back.

She's completely knackered now,

but I tried to keep her awake so she'd sleep tonight.

That way, we could have a bit of mummy-daddy time.

I'll just take this lot off and hang them up,

-so they're nice for tomorrow.

-No, don't. You look fantastic.

I won't be able to eat anything.

I'm so uncomfortable. My feet are killing me.

TEXT ALERT

Oh, I've got a message from Diane.

-Oh, God!

-What is it?

There's something's wrong with Jasmin's pregnancy.

BABY WHIMPERS

PHONE JINGLE

BABY WHIMPERS

Ring and tell 'em you're not coming in tonight. We've got an emergency.

We're short-staffed, Jas...

Dev, this is serious!

-There you go, drink that.

-What is it?

It's a high protein drink. Your father's been on the internet

and it says TTTS can make mothers malnourished...

What's TTTS?

Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome.

Nutrition is very important and often overlooked.

I eat well. Don't I, Dev?

Yeah, yeah, love. You do, but try... try drinking it.

Ice-cream and green olives is not very good for the babies.

Why do I crave it, then?

-It's not my fault.

-Nobody's blaming you, baby.

I'm only trying to be helpful.

Don't you think it's bad enough for her?

It's not just about Jasmin.

We should all be doing everything we can to help our poor little babies.

Mum. Mum, please, you're not helping.

-Well, if that's how you feel, I'll go home.

-I'm sorry.

I didn't mean that. I know you're upset.

We're all upset. I'm upset! Your dad's upset!

Right, look we really appreciate everything you've both

done for us, helping out with Amber and everything...

Because clearly you can't be trusted to look after the baby.

I forgot her once, Mum, when she was just born.

I left her in the van for five minutes while I went...

-She could've overheated and died.

-Yes, I know that now.

I just wasn't used to being a dad.

If social services are confident I know how to look after my own

daughter, why can't... DOORBELL RINGS

I'll get it.

It is my fault.

-Stop it! Don't be so ridiculous!

-No, it isn't!

I must be a horrible person for this to happen...

Don't be so silly. Oh, love.

Jas. Hey, Jas, look who's come to see you.

-Hiya.

-Hiya.

-Hiya.

What are you lot doing here?

I'm sorry. I only told Diane, but, well...

Vicky! You'd no right to do that, not without asking me!

I know, I should've...

Oh, it's not her fault, she came to pick up Ben I could see

she were upset, so I sort of wangled it out of her.

I knew I shouldn't have said anything.

And then Diane texted me.

We just want you to know

we're here for you.

I, erm... I'm sorry.

I have to have this stupid operation or one of me babies is going to die.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. That's horrible.

Would anyone like a cup of tea or something to eat?

No, thanks.

I've only got an hour.

I've been to see Rick and me mam's had the kids all day.

See, we come in handy sometimes.

Oh, I couldn't have managed without her.

It's not long till he's out now, is it?

All being well. Although I keep thinking summat's going to go wrong.

I... I'll have a cuppa, thanks.

So are you...

Are you going to have the treatment?

I don't know. We've got till Monday to decide.

-We don't know.

-It's not a proper operation. It's a laser beam

that zaps the blood vessels in the placenta...

I don't like the idea of any laser beam

zapping anywhere near my babies.

And she said it was dangerous and invasive.

She has to tell you that.

Yeah, they have tell you the worst. They did that with me with Hope.

And look at her now. Yeah, she's a bit slower than Zack,

but she's just like any normal baby.

What did I say? They all catch up in the end.

You don't have to have any kind of treatment.

I think she does.

It might not be the smallest twin that's at risk.

It's often the bigger one.

It makes you really thankful your own baby's all right.

I don't think I could cope if Emily got ill or...

It's amazing, though, you do.

You find the strength from somewhere.

Honestly, I think I'd freak out...

I left her for the first time today with Neil.

For the first time?

I was a nervous wreck.

I thought she'd be screaming or she'd choke or something, but...

-He was great with her.

-I bet he was.

She didn't seem to miss me at all.

I don't know whether to be happy or sad about that.

Oh, it's going to be weird seeing Susie at this christening.

We haven't seen each other since we split up.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

It's going to be weird when Rick comes back.

It's been so long since we were together properly.

Me and Neil are... are getting on great,

but there's nothing physical between us.

Really?

It's not his fault. It's me.

I've written about it on my blog.

Oh, I'm sorry, I haven't read it.

I barely have time to breathe these days.

Oh, look, I've got to get back.

Me mam'll be tearing her hair out.

Go on. Get in there, girl, and rip his clothes off.

OK.

Oh, I didn't know you were back.

Sorry, I'll, er... I'll let you...

I thought you were asleep. I didn't want to wake you.

-She been all right?

-Yeah, yeah. Perfect.

She fell asleep two minutes after you left.

Are Jasmin and Dev all right?

Not really. There's a problem with the placenta feeding both babies.

They're both in a bit of a state.

Yeah, I'll give Dev a ring tomorrow.

Shall I make us a nightcap?

Erm...

Oh, no, I think I'll just go straight to bed. I'm shattered.

Sorry, big day tomorrow.

-Do you know what...

-Listen, I've been thinking...

Sorry, go on.

I was just going to say...

Do you want me to sleep in the spare bed?

No, why would you do that?

I just thought maybe you'd get a better night's sleep

and, you know, if Emily wakes up, then I'm right next to her.

Is that what you want to do?

Not really, no.

Just sometimes it's difficult for me...you know.

I won't be able to sleep.

HE SIGHS I'm usually at the restaurant now.

It's the only time we get on our own, in bed.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Yeah?

-Deven, make sure she's lying on her left side!

-Oh, for God's sake!

-Yeah, all right, Mum!

It doesn't say anything about that in here... I don't know why

she doesn't just go home.

Simon had to tell his mam to stop coming round to the cottage as much

cos it were stressing Roanna out.

My mum won't go home if your mum's here.

My mum definitely won't go home.

She's asked me dad to bring some more clothes over.

They think we need 'em.

I suppose we do now.

Uncle Ranjid was well pissed off with me not coming in tonight.

Did you tell him we've got to decide about this massive thing?

Yeah, I did,

but he said he can't rely on me any more.

Tell your dad to talk to him.

I will.

He was going to help me get restaurant of the ground.

I don't suppose that's going to happen now.

How can you be even thinking about work

and bloody restaurants?

We've got to make the biggest decision of our lives, Dev.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, I didn't hear her.

That's cos she slept right through. Didn't you, darling?

That's amazing. Good girl. First time.

Yeah, I don't know what you gave her, but it worked.

Just the butternut squash.

Oh, and some mashed up pear with some toast fingers.

Pear and toast, you didn't tell me.

Do I have to?

No, but...

I've done all this before, you know, with Jude.

I had him every other weekend when Susie was with Maria.

Anyway, she liked the toast. Helped with her gums.

She's got a corner of a tooth coming through, you know.

No way. Let me look.

Come on. Open up, darling. Let me see.

Let me see.

Oh, my God, she has!

Best wean her off the breast as soon as you can, then.

Yeah. Well, you'd better start getting ready

cos we need to be setting off in an hour.

Jasmin and Dev might not come cos they've got a few problems, but

I hope you don't mind, I invited this woman who used to know me mam.

Of course not. It's Dinah's christening.

You can invite anyone you like.

I met her at the hospital. She was there with her daughter

and she recognised me.

-Aw, that's nice.

-She's all ready.

Oh. Will you make sure she's got something warm on for the church?

Might be a bit cold.

Have you told your dad your resit results yet?

No, I thought if I were seeing him,

I'd like to see the shock on his face.

-He'll be shocked all right.

-Mm!

I get to meet him and the lovely Kim. I can't wait.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing. Look at your face.

I've just heard a lot about her, that's all.

You're not going to be all funny with her, are you?

I will be perfectly civil. In fact, I'll be charming.

She hasn't done owt to me.

It's not going to be easy for any of us, you know.

I know that. I'm just teasing. Honest.

I'm not going to act like some jealous psycho bitch, am I?

I mean, nobody can make that decision for them.

God, that's horrible. I'll have to go round and see her.

Wait and see what they decide cos

she might be on the ward come Monday.

Both their mums are there helping at the minute.

So, yeah, they're all right.

Are you coping all right?

Well, I'm getting into a routine. Diane has him four days a week

and me mum will have him once or twice

depending on if I'm working nights,

but it's really hard without Chris.

What made him go?

I don't know. Cos, I mean, we were doing all right.

He moved in with me, and bought me this ring.

And then two months ago he said he was going to try and find her.

Find who?

The woman he married for 5K so she could get a green card.

But I told him I wasn't bothered about getting married any more,

but he got it in his head to go find her and...

Excuse me. Is anyone sitting here?

-No, no, no.

-Cheers, love.

I mean, we Skyped each other every night at first, but now...

-How is he?

-Sorry?

Baby they found in the toilet, it was me...

It's Shelly's mum. I didn't recognise you at first.

-I scrub up well.

-Hiya.

Baby's all right. He's a bit snuffly this morning,

but he's breathing on his own.

I think they'll keep him in for a bit,

but he's doing fine for a prem, though.

Poor little thing. Quite like to pop in and see him, if I can.

I'm sure they'll let you, if you explain who you are.

So how do you know Rosie and Jude?

I used to knock about with Rosie's mum before I got married.

We were at the same school

and, er, yeah, I worked with her at Superdrug.

Right. And how are you, Shelly?

Sick of bein' fat.

-No more twinges?

-No.

-Well, it won't be long.

-Can't wait.

Rosie and Jude are at the front.

Where are we supposed to sit?

Dunno. Here'll do.

Kim!

Hiya. We've never been to one of these before.

We've no idea what to do.

-They'll tell you what to do.

-It's all in the service book.

-Oh,

-OK. Looks great by the way.

Pfft! I'm still not sure.

-Where's Simon?

-Oh, he's had to wait in for the landlord.

-He's looking after Sonny.

-You look amazing.

Look at the pair of you. You're so slim.

-I don't know how you've done it.

-Magic pants.

-Not having time to eat.

And look how big he is, Emily looks tiny at the side of Ben.

Susie's over there.

-Well, erm, we'll have a chat back at the house.

-Yeah.

This is going to be interesting. I don't think she seen Susie

since they split.

Really, but she must know about...

Don't think so, no.

I saw her yesterday. She didn't mentioned anything about Susie.

Well, Neil, must know and he'll have told her.

No, I don't think so.

I don't things are not great between them in the sack,

he's probably tiptoeing round it.

There's been nothing on her blog,

nothing about Susie or the new girlfriend,

so I reckon she's no idea.

-How are you?

-A bit nervous.

-What for?

-I don't know why. I just am.

There's nothing to be nervous about.

Now then, son. How you doing?

Got a present for you.

Thought you might like to see this.

Hasn't he done well?

-What is it?

-It's my resits.

This is fantastic news.

Cheers. Even better grades than you got.

Hey. Wow, no, that's brilliant news. Four Bs.

-You'll be able to sit your A levels now.

-Yeah.

-Well done, Jude.

-Good lad.

-Where's Dinah?

Claire's got her.

Who's Claire?

Erm, she's the other godmother. You have two if it's a girl.

Oh, great. Well, I'll just follow what she does, then.

Best sit down.

WOMEN CHAT IN BACKGROUND

Jesus is the light of the world

and we ask the community of this church

to reject the world of darkness and to follow a life...

-DOOR OPENS

-..that reflects goodness and light.

Sorry, sorry.

Come in. Find a seat.

Find a seat. OK.

If Dinah and her parents

and godparents would like to join me at the font for the fun bit...

EMILY WHIMPERS

Hello, my little one, and how are you?

Today's a very special day, isn't it? And who's this?

-I'm Claire.

-I'm her godmother. Welcome, Claire,

you're going to play a very special role in Dinah's life.

And you are...?

Marcus. Jude's friend.

-The godfather, I take it?

-Yeah.

Erm...not sure what I'm doing, though.

Oh, don't worry.

It's my job to tell you all about it.

And you are...?

I'm Kim, her other godmother.

Welcome.

Parents and godparents,

the church receives Dinah with joy.

DINAH GURGLES

Today, we are putting our trust in God for her growth in faith.

Will you pray for her?

Draw her by your example into the community of faith,

and walk with her in the way of Christ?

-MUFFLED:

-..into the community of faith?

..into your breast?

Will you pray for her?

DINAH GURGLES

How long have you known?

Not long. Jude mentioned something,

but I didn't know if it was still on or if it fizzled out, or what.

-You're lying to me.

-I'm not.

Don't you think I had a right to know?

-It's none of my business, Kim.

-What? Are you mental?

It's not my place to tell you.

-If Susie wanted you to know, she'd have said something.

-You're my...

You're my partner, Neil.

Father to my baby, of course it's your place.

(You've made me feel so stupid.)

What did you think was going to happen today?

Did you think I wasn't going to notice?

I was trying to find the right time.

-Didn't want to upset you. Not when...things are delicate.

-Well, I am upset.

Upset that you've all kept it from me.

-I want to go home.

-Kim, I'm sorry...

-Everything all right?

-Not really, I think we're going to go home.

You can't go home, you're the godmother.

-She's got another godmother.

-Please stay, Kim.

I'm really sorry about Claire, but Susie said it'd be a good idea.

She said it'd make her feel welcome in the family,

and she's let us stay there and everything.

I'm sorry, did you say Susie asked her?

Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have picked her myself.

I don't really like her,

and me Auntie Christine wanted to be godmother anyway.

And she lives at the house?

Yeah, she moved in about three month ago.

-Where did she meet her?

-At the garden centre.

-What difference does it make?

A lot, actually.

It was only meant to be for a few weeks to start with,

until she found another flat, but then she never went.

Why didn't you tell me?

We've seen each other every other weekend for months.

-You've been out camping with us.

-That was before.

It's not her fault, OK? It's MY fault.

Rosie, I don't think we're going to come back, OK?

Why not? It won't be the same if you don't.

I've changed my mind.

I think we will go back.

-Kim?

-Yeah, I'd like to meet this woman

who's living in the house I helped pay for.

After all, if we're sharing helping Dinah walk in the way of Christ,

the least I can do is get to know her.

PARTY MUSIC PLAYS

She seems nice.

Not what I expected.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-Nothing.

I just thought she were going to be amazing.

She just seems a bit... I don't know, mumsy.

Hm.

I brought you a bottle of vodka,

-I'll just pop it on the side there.

-Oh, thank you.

-Here, grab a drink.

-Oh, cheers, thank you.

-OK.

-What's Mummy got?

-Yeah, my husband's been in Dubai for over a year now.

But he's due back at end of month.

Yeah, my husband has been away, too.

It's like starting all over again. Can't wait.

You are starting again, Mam.

Let's just hope me dad don't make a mess of it this time.

Thanks.

You shouldn't be drinking that. If the lads saw you, you'd be in trouble.

-Who's the lads?

-Andrew and Nathan -

I clean for them three times a week.

It's the best job I've ever had.

The place is immaculate.

She's having their baby.

They drove me mad at first. I told them

if they didn't pack it in, I wouldn't go through with it.

So now they just ask me all the time -

if she's taking enough folic acid,

if she's eating properly.

They send food parcels, don't they?

Yeah, green stuff, chuck it straight in bin.

-HOPE WAILS

-Mum, have you got Hope's dummy?

She's starting to grizzle, and I think she needs feeding.

Yeah, it's in the front of the nappy bag, in a little plastic box?

And there's a jar of banana custard in there, as well.

She's like a little mother.

-Oh, I know. Couldn't have managed without her.

-Aw.

(Aw.)

You've spilt all down your top, Mam.

Oh, my God, what am I like?

I need a bib. I'll just go wash it off.

So where are you and Rosie going to live when they go travelling?

Don't know. I just found out. Going to start looking for somewhere.

Her dad's flat's still empty - doesn't look like he'll be moving back any time soon.

You can't possibly live there with the baby, it's a dump.

-Yeah, and how are you going to pay the rent?

-I'll get a job.

-Oh!

-What about your A levels? You just said...

I can do 'em at night school.

-So you've thought this through, then?

-Not properly,

but Marcus's uncle's looking for an apprentice kitchen fitter.

-Oh, for God's sake.

-What? What's wrong with that?

I need to earn money, Dad. I've got a baby, and another one on the way.

-Don't want to be living on hand-outs.

-Hand-outs? There isn't going to be any.

-You heard this, Kim?

-Your mum know you're going to pack in school and get a job?

It's not up to her. It's up to me and Rosie.

We're 16 now, we can choose for ourselves.

Well, good luck with that(!)

GLASS CHIMES

Ladies and gentlemen,

if I could just have your attention for a few moments, please?

HE SIGHS

Oh, God, here goes.

Firstly, I just want to say thank you to you all for coming.

And then I'm going to hand over to Claire.

-Do you think she's attractive?

-Yeah, she is, but she works at it,

believe me.

Right, then. I'm new to this, but as godmother, we - that's Rosie, Jude, Susie...

Why don't you let them talk for themselves?

..thank you all for your lovely presents, your good wishes...

(I didn't bring a present.)

..and I'm hoping you've all got a glass of fizz?

I'd like to make a toast, and we can all have a bit of cake.

Which Claire baked and iced herself.

(Oh, my God.)

To Dinah,

our sweet baby girl, who brings us so much happiness to all our lives.

-To Dinah.

-ALL:

-To Dinah.

-GLASSES CLINK

It's just a shame you're throwing her out

on the street, along with her mum and dad, come the end of the month.

-Kim, I don't think this is the time.

-Excuse me?

What was that for?

It's true, though, isn't it?

SHE SIGHS

Rosie, say something.

-Jude?

-Leave it, Kim.

-They're not exactly throwing us out.

-Right.

-We're going home.

-Do you know that Jude's leaving school

so he can get a job to afford somewhere for them to live.

-Is that true, Jude?

-You're too wrapped up in your lover

to notice what your son's planning to do with his life.

OK, so why don't you have them for a change?

-We've had them with us for the past ten months.

-"Us?!"

Who the hell are you to spout off?

You've no business even living here.

This house is still part-mine.

Yeah, and you'll get every penny back once the money comes through.

Sorry, sorry.

-Kim...

-Six months it took you to move her into our house.

Did you want me to mope around waiting for you to change your mind?

You could have left it a decent amount of time, or told me.

Says you, who shagged me best friend behind me back

and then moved in with him? Have you any idea what that felt like, Kim?

I couldn't work for the first few months,

I had to go to the doctor to get summat.

I read your blog every day to see if you ever mention me, or us,

but it was like we never existed, like we never even have a relationship.

It was like you scrubbed me out of your life, so I scrubbed you out of mine.

Good. That's just how I like it. SUSIE GASPS

-CLAIRE:

-Rosie? Rosie?

Rosie, please, you're being ridiculous.

Can we just not talk about it?

I don't want to talk about it.

We're not staying where we're not wanted.

Nobody said you're not wanted, love.

-Where are you going?

-I don't know, but we're not staying here.

We're not some old baggage to be pushed from pillar to post.

You made it clear you put up with us because you had to. But guess what?

-You don't have to any more.

-Jude, you're my son.

-Dinah is my grandchild.

-Well, you'd never have guessed.

How you stand there and say that after we've given her this party?

And for that we had to have her as a godmother

when I didn't want her, and now I've upset Kim.

Anyway, I think it's just best if we go.

-What...?

-No, no, just... Just...

Just let Kim and Neil get them, yeah?

(Think we should go, as well.)

-So we've just missed a bus.

-DIANE:

-I'll give you a lift, if you don't mind squishing in.

-I'll just round the kids up.

-I think we'll make a move, as well.

I think, yeah. Whatever, I think you should all go.

SHE SIGHS

I just don't see why Susie having a...

partner is such a big bloody deal.

It's not a big deal.

It was the fact that nobody told me.

It was the humiliation of it all.

Must have been difficult for Susie as well, seeing you and me together.

That can't have been easy.

Why are you taking her side?

She didn't look bothered about anything.

SHE was happy.

And you're not?

-Is that what you're saying?

-No.

No, I... It's not...

that, it's...

It's just...

What?

Well, she's moved on,

and nobody told me.

I felt so sad and...

-Hey.

-..and guilty.

Yeah, guilty about what we did to her.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it,

imagining her upset and lonely...

(OK, OK.)

..and thinking what we did was wrong.

And I haven't...

I haven't been able to enjoy...

..us properly.

I didn't feel I deserved...

your love, your body...

you.

I didn't think...deserved to be happy.

SHE EXHALES

SHE SOBS

-It's a bit dirty round here, isn't it?

-No, it's fine.

-Is it even safe?

-Yes.

-Is there even a bed in there?

-Yeah, Kim cleaned it all up before we left.

-She changed the sheets on me mum and dad's bed.

-It's going to be cold.

-Nobody's lived here for past ten months.

-We'll get fire on,

and turn heating up. It'll soon warm through.

It's that one there.

DOOR BANGS SHUT

LIFT BELL DINGS

At least the lift's not broken.

LIFT BELL DINGS

I never liked Claire, anyway.

She pretended to like me and Dinah, but I could tell she didn't.

I know. She never liked me either.

She just pretended to to impress me mam.

GRINDING AND THUDDING

Oh, my God. This is same as what happened last time!

-What's happened?

-The lift's broken again.

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, for Christ's sake.

SHE GROANS

FLUID SPLASHES

-Oh, my God.

-What is it?

-Oh!

-What... What is it?

Where's me phone?

I think me waters have broken.

-What? When?

-I've been having twinges all day.

NOW you tell me? Why didn't you say anything?

Now, what we going to do?

Press the alarm bell on the panel, and then ring Kim.

THEY MOAN AND SIGH

Oh, that was so lovely.

God, I've missed you.

If I'd have known that was all it was going to take,

-I'd have invited Susie and Claire out for dinner.

-Well...

I didn't know what was wrong with me, so how would you know?

PHONE RINGS

HE SIGHS

I best get that.

HE GROANS

RINGING CONTINUES

-Jude?

-'Hey, Dad, Dad.

-'We're stuck in a lift at Rosie's dad's place.'

-Slow down, slow down.

-'I don't know what floor.'

-Who's "we"?

-'We've got Dinah with us, and Rosie might be in labour.'

-What is it?

-Jesus, how do you know?

-'I don't know what floor!'

-'Rosie's gone into labour, we've got Dinah.'

-All right. All right.

-'Dad?'

-All right, have you pressed the alarm button?

-What's happened?

P-Press it again, and we'll be there as soon as we can, all right?

HE EXHALES

Rosie and Jude...

are stuck in a lift at her father's flat.

-Rosie's waters have broken, and she's gone into labour.

-Oh!

-Dinah's with them.

-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. This is all my fault.

No. No, no, it isn't.

No guilt, right?

Lifts break down, shit happens.

Yeah.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Ice cream and olives, baby?

I brought this on us, Dev.

It's my fault.

No, that is rubbish.

Jas, I'm not having that.

When I found out I was pregnant again...

..I wished it would just go away.

And then...and then when I found out we were having twins...

..I really didn't want them.

Yeah, well, that was to be expected,

cos you hadn't really got over having Amber.

But now I have got used to the idea and...

..I love them...

..both.

SHE SNIFFS

They're my babies.

Our baby boys or girls, and...

..and they're a part of us.

How can we decide?

I want them, Dev.

I want them both...

..more than anything in this world.

SHE SOBS

HE SIGHS

-SHE MOANS IN PAIN

-I'm trying, I'm trying.

-I don't know what you want. I'm trying.

-I think I want to push.

No, you don't. You can't. Not yet.

-Just...

-Press the alarm again.

I don't think it's working.

Oh, thank God.

DINAH WAILS

It's all right, it's OK.

-Go to sleep.

-Put the blankets on the floor.

-They'll get dirty.

-Put them on the floor!

SHE MOANS IN PAIN

Come on, Rosie.

Rosie?

-Rosie?

-Is she all right?

-Are you all right?

I think the baby's coming - it's all happening really quick.

Oh, my God.

Floor three.

How long have you been having contractions?

'..it started bad when we were on our way here.'

SHE GROANS IN PAIN

Rosie?

Jude? Can you hear me?

SHE MOANS IN PAIN

Ring someone - the police, anyone.

SHE GROANS IN PAIN

I'm trying, Rosie, I'm trying!

She telling me to ring someone - I don't know who to ring.

Hello?

KIM BANGS LIFT DOOR We're here, we're here.

-Yes, yes, I'm here.

-Jude, what have you got with you?

-I don't know.

-OK.

-They said they pressed the alarm button, but nothing happened.

All right, well, it's important that Rosie gets as low as she can

to the floor so the baby doesn't drop.

Tell her to squat down.

Squat down, that's right.

Has she got any hand sanitiser in her nappy bag or washbag?

Yeah. Right, OK.

Rosie, you've got to squat down. Squat down, Rosie.

There's hardly any room in here.

We've got a suitcase and a pushchair in here with us.

I found some hand sanitiser!

His head's coming, Jude!

Hear that? She said his head's coming.

'OK.'

Jude, calm down.

Try and take some deep breaths.

OK, you're going to have to get down there and see what's going on.

-I need something. This'll do.

-Yeah, you might have to...

Guide the baby out, and wrap it up in something,

and then just let the afterbirth come away.

Is there any scissors? Scissors in her washbag?

Come on, then. I'm coming.

-What you doing with that door, mate.

-Trying to open it.

-What does it look like?

-Cost you three grand.

God, you took your time. The lift man's here.

-We'll have you out now.

-OK.

Jude?

-Rosie?

-Come on.

LIFT DINGS Jude?

THEY GASP

Dinah's got a sister.

Wow.

Y-You did it.

BABY GURGLES

Come here.

Let me see her.

-TEARFULLY:

-Oh, she's beautiful.

Well done, son.

Oh, look at that.

Are you all right?

We'd better get you straight to hospital.

No. There's nothing wrong with me.

I want to go to the flat. I want to go home.

'Rosie seems to know exactly what she wants.

'Is it just that she's young?

'Or is it a case of the older I get,

'the more I overthink things

'and the more complicated life becomes?

-They're ready for you now.

-What?

Come on.

-I feel sick.

-Shut up, Dev.

They're going to want you to make a statement.

(They think it's my fault?)

It's my womb, so back off.

Just remember whose baby this is, Shelly.

If Emma and Simon were to walk in here now,

how would you explain this?