EastEnders spin-off series. Eileen is shaking up the Bryne's family with her plans for Cois Dara. Dermott confronts Peter with the truth.
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-How is Bernie?
-She's at the station.
She's latched on to something on Adeen's phone to do with Grandad.
What are you doing?!
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
It's all this talk about Lance, it's really got to me.
I can't discuss my work!
Did you get a message on your phone tonight,
-saying you had a missed call?
What are you saying, Kieran?
I don't know. There's something off about him!
Something not right.
It's a boy!
I need to see Kathleen.
She's just got off to sleep and I'd rather not wake her.
Who are you to decide if I can see my mother?
Can I ask you something? It's about my father.
Dermott deserves to know the truth!
Well, I can't do it, and I won't!
-You don't look to well, you know.
-I'm all right, darling.
The doctor said I was going to get the odd headache.
I don't know why Dad thinks he's so great.
I think the world of you.
Bernie, she needs you.
You committed the most barbaric violation against nature there is.
You ripped me from my mother, and that's why I'm like this.
MUSIC ON RADIO
I knew we weren't on the best of terms,
but I wasn't expecting you to swing for me.
What did you think was there?
You startled me, that's all.
Hm. Well, you should really get this checked out
at the hospital, you know?
-I'll be fine.
-Yeah, well, if there's a piece of glass left in there...
Dermott, I'm...just overtired, that's all.
By the way, Kat's not here.
-Yeah, I can see that.
-Well, I'll tell her you popped in.
..it's you I came to see.
I think I owe you an apology.
For the way I, er...
Well, barged in here the other night.
Listen...I suppose if I'd delivered a baby
on the floor of a prison cell,
I'd be running around like a headless chicken, too, so...
Anyway, er...make sure you keep changing this dressing
and, er...keep it, er...clean and sterile, yeah?
OK. What is it, a two-for-one deal today, then(?)
Not only saves souls, but mortal flesh, an' all. Huh!
We need to leave, Dermott.
The house is full of lies.
Go and get your coat.
It does work, it just needs...
What's wrong with the CD player I have already?
Mam's just getting over tapes, aren't you?
This is Bluetooth, Mammy. It's modern.
Oh, Bluetooth, redtooth, blacktooth,
call it what you will, girl, it clearly doesn't work.
MUSIC: My Donegal Shore by Daniel O'Donnell
See? Listen to the sound quality of that.
Can you hear it?
It's almost like he's in the room with us!
Can it do the washing up, too?(!)
Well, if you don't want it, I can always take it back.
I didn't say I didn't want it, now.
I have a homosexual grandson, you'll remember.
I was never one to fear modernity.
-Yeah, you tell them, Gran.
-And with Cois Dara razed to the ground
and plans afoot to rebuild and, er...what did you call it?
I'd better keep up with the future, hadn't I?
So, um...how's the kitten doing?
What's this, now?
Oh, Dr Dolittle here has taken in a feral kitten.
Called Lady, if you don't mind.
Yep. She's sleeping through, taking the bottle.
Fingers crossed we can get her name down for a good school.
I mean, have you ever seen anything as cute as that in your life?
-Come on, you kidding me?
Aw! What are you like?! Ha-ha!
You're joking, but they do that, don't they?
Treat their pets like kids.
-What are you talking about?
What Kieran said, it's displacement, I sup...
I think you've had enough to drink.
Not enough, clearly.
Don't mind her, she's a terrible rip.
-Are you all right?
-Why wouldn't I be?
-Don't start in on me now.
I was just asking how you are.
Always the same.
You go on and on at me.
-Sorry, can I...?
Ah, he's growing by the day, isn't he?
Yeah. That's what babies tend to do.
You all set for the service tomorrow?
It's not the first time I've done it.
No, it isn't. These are your people, after all.
Have you lot had a falling out?
No. Why do you say that?
I hope the food arrives before too long, I haven't eaten all day.
God, is that all you think about?
Listen, why don't you pop around the pub tomorrow before the christening?
-I won't have time.
-Just pop over. I have something for you.
-What is it?
-That'd be telling.
PHONE RINGS Hello, there.
Hang on a sec, I'll just pop out.
He's so cute!
He's got Lance's eyes.
-Do you really think so?
He'll be a heartbreaker, so.
Oh, he's just the cutest thing!
And don't worry, I haven't told a soul.
Haven't told a soul what?
Go on, spit it out.
-You can do it now.
I'm just going to get another beer.
Is anyone going to tell me what's going on?
Wait! Wait, where's Peter?
Well, we can't do this without Peter.
I hear you, I hear you.
Well, to be honest, I'd be worried if you weren't feeling like this,
because the first couple of years are...
Let's grab a coffee in the morning and we can talk it through.
Are you going to be OK tonight?
Call me if you need anything.
I'll see you then.
OK. Yeah. Go easy.
Er...you've been summoned.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm coming.
Don't you think you should slow down?
That's rich, coming from you.
Yeah, I suppose it is.
You've barely looked at me since you got here.
Go back in there and be with your husband.
Do it for your family, then.
-Having a party, are you?
-No, I'm just hungry.
There's an exhibition at the college. For my photographs.
-You know, it would be a laugh. If you wanted to...
-And I want the change.
-Too many pockets!
-Do you remember Willy?
One day he was driving along - remember Willy, two farms down? -
anyway, he sees in the field this bale, you know, hay,
and it's a great, big, oversized bale.
Anyway, it started rolling, y'know?
There's this house at the bottom of the field.
You know, posh place, a holiday home - with a pool.
Anyway, the bale is rolling down.
Willy jumps up, manages to catch up with it -
cos he can see where this is going,
sees two black eyes staring back at him.
It was Bella the cow! Was in the bale!
She said it was just a matter
of form filling and jumping through a few hoops.
And Kieran's going to take care of the legal proceedings, I presume?
Is this Cois Dara?
-Isn't Kieran's expertise in American law? Right?
But that's no use here.
And if it all goes smoothly,
how long will it take for the money to come through?
Oh, it could take anything from three to six months, if we're lucky,
and then, if all goes to plan, the builders move in,
make sure it's structurally sound and then we go from there.
-That sounds great.
What are you guys talking about?
Oh, looks like the insurance is going to pay out on the fire
-at Cois Dara.
-You don't know that yet.
Let's just say we're quietly confident.
I don't know why I didn't set fire to the place myself.
-So you're, er, you're definitely staying on, then?
Talk about divine intervention.
Yeah, the Lord certainly works in mysterious ways, doesn't he?
Ah, well, that's my retirement plans scuppered.
A hostile takeover by an American corporation.
Looks set to be a fine day tomorrow.
All the family together. The way it should be.
Keep Kathleen away - is that what you're trying to tell me?
-Loud and clear.
-That woman is my mother.
You've made your point.
Well, she made a point of making me feel very welcome in her family.
-Yeah. I'm even going to take a trip to Spain to meet the others.
So you know about the other one, I presume?
What other one?
Kathleen had another child when you were born.
She had twins.
OK. Sorry - can I just, erm,
say a few words on behalf of Bernie and I?
First of all, thanks for coming.
MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO Eileen, shut that thing down.
Yeah. OK. Erm, just want to say
that we've asked Eileen and Peter to be Godparents.
That's great, Peter, congratulations.
And they both agreed,
which is great for us because that's another two baby-sitters
-to add to the list and, erm...
We've finally settled on a name.
Everyone, meet Lance Padraig Byrne.
Aw, son, come here to me. I'm so touched by that.
-To Lance Padraig Byrne.
-ALL: To Lance Padraig Byrne!
To Lance Padraig Byrne.
-He's really good with kids, isn't he?
He's just amazing!
So, Godmother no less? How did you wrangle that?
-I didn't wrangle anything. I was asked.
I mean, you should have let that name die with him.
Mam, that is an awful thing to say.
-I'm just saying what everyone is thinking.
-No. You're not.
Why don't you get a glass of water, Mum?
She better not be like this tomorrow.
She won't, she'll be fine. She'll be fine.
Can you go make sure she gets some water?
Any wonder I moved halfway across the world?
I can't help myself.
Won't be content until I'm the size of a house.
Nobody wants an obese wife, Bernadette.
You've just had your third child.
Now's the time to start taking care of yourself,
not letting everything sink south.
Have you seen Dermott?
-I think he left.
You know I didn't want him involved in the christening, don't you?
Didn't Andrew tell you?
Well, Dermott's family.
His feelings would have been hurt if he'd been excluded.
And what about my feelings?
Oh, why, you're being too sensitive.
You just called me fat.
Now, nobody called you fat.
I said you must take care of yourself. That's good advice.
Nobody likes a glutton.
Doug, it's me. Those photos on Adeen's phone that went to the lab,
I need you to chase them up for me.
Just let me know when you get this.
Do you think I'm fat?
You've just had a baby.
Is that why you won't touch me?
You're being stupid now, Bernie.
So what is it?
I told Agnes. I told her that I didn't want Dermott,
that I wanted Father Flynn.
It's our day. Why do we have to listen to her?
Because we do. And what's Dermott ever done to you?
Except deliver your baby.
MUSIC BLARES ON RADIO
You see, I told you you'd get the hang of it.
I wasn't born in the Dark Ages, Eileen.
Does it always have to be Daniel O'Donnell?
Oh, no, no, it doesn't.
Sure, I have Mary Black in here too, if you'd prefer.
Oh, I'm very sorry. Is there's anything I can do?
He was a good man.
Oh, no, no, no, don't even think on it, no.
Well, listen, thanks for letting us know,
and, er, take care now. God bless.
That was Pat Donoghue. Jim went and died in the night.
-They were married for years.
-God. The poor woman.
Oh, forget her, what about the cake?
-Well, she was supposed to drop it here this morning.
Mam, her husband has just passed!
I don't think christening cake is at the top of her priorities right now.
Well, the world goes on turning, Eileen.
If the husband's dead, well, the husband's dead.
People still expect cake.
Isn't that lovely?
-You can see New York from here.
Ah, right. Look closely you'll see the Statue of Liberty.
-Ah-ha! Very small, of course.
-Yeah. I'm going to pop down
-to the travel agents.
-What do you want to do that for?
Well, they're showing that the flights are all booked online.
Well, just book a different flight.
-The computer's playing up, got no Wi-Fi.
-I'll come with you.
You know what Tommy's like -
takes him six hours just to get in the car. I'll be straight back.
We'll take him down the beach later.
-Yeah. Sounds good to me.
All you have to do is drive there and drive back.
Andrew's not going anywhere.
So tell me, Bernadette, how do you feel about having
a christening with no christening cake?
A cake you've already paid for, I might add.
Hm? Yes, well, conversation closed.
-Look, I can go with you.
Dad, you have to stay.
Adeen, can you just go up and get ready, please?
Well, that's settled.
And, er, you promise you'll look in on Lady?
I said I would. Now, go.
The presents are for the twins.
Mum said I wasn't allowed any presents.
You've had enough treats, you.
I swear he's going to turn into an ice cream cone
one of these days, you watch.
What time's your flight home?
Erm, Alfie's just gone into town to book the flights.
We tried to get one for the morning but they were fully booked.
When you coming back?
So, erm, you never lived here, then?
No. Spent a lot of time here, though.
It belonged to Peter's mother. My grandmother.
Just another woman, now, I suppose.
Why didn't you tell me I had a sister?
Tommy, we're just popping outside.
You can see the time of birth.
Normally there's only a date. Except when there's a twin.
-Where did you get this?
-Does it matter?
-No, it doesn't...
but it's not as if I wasn't going to tell you.
Well, that's all right, then(!)
-Is she still alive?
-Zoe? Of course she is.
So why didn't you tell me?
Because I didn't want you to feel rejected.
What can I say? I guess you get used to it.
Look, I've messed up again.
I'm not a saint, Dermott. I'm not like you.
-This is good news.
-I'm tired, Kathleen.
I am exhausted...
and every time I believe I've got it,
you just pull the rug from under me.
-Again and again...
-What's she like?
She's beautiful. A proper stunner.
Gobby, mind. Like me.
She lives in Spain, she's got a fiance and she's doing well.
-She's doing really well.
-Does she know about me?
So, we move at your pace. Whatever you want to do.
-I'll take my lead from you.
-I'm only going to ask you this once,
-Kathleen, and I need the truth from you. Do you understand me?
Is there anything else I don't know?
I think the sooner you leave, the better.
-Don't you want to say goodbye to Tommy first?
-Not at the moment, no.
I need some space to think.
Are you lost?
So, do you know this woman?
This, uh, what's her name, Pat what-do-you-call-her?
Donoghue. You know who she is. She used to run that Sunday School.
Oh, God, how is she still alive? She was evil, that woman.
Yeah, only because you and me drove her to distraction.
Hey, whatever I did, my hand was forced, I'm sure.
Yeah, like it wasn't your idea
to put that dead fish behind the skirting board.
D'you remember? You, me and Cian Colman.
Yeah, Cian Colman. Hey, what's he up to these days?
Marriage. Kids. Just back from two weeks in Tenerife.
Marriage, mortgage, maternity. Of course.
Sure, what else would you be doing?
It is this way.
Mrs Donoghue. It's Andrew, Agnes' grandson.
-You remember Kieran?
-We're so sorry for your loss.
It wasn't peaceful when he went.
He was in agony, crying out for mercy.
So, do you think we could grab that cake?
Sorry to ask.
Agnes sent you, did she?
A cute hoor. Never did change.
Out the gab with the Gods.
-Is this going to take long?
-I'm coming, I'm coming.
I found them the other night
when I was sorting through a few things.
Are you going to have look?
They're yours. Baby teeth.
I suppose you don't remember the fuss you made?
How you wouldn't go to sleep because you didn't want the tooth fairy
to take them away.
You called me here for this?
Yeah, I thought you'd be happy, I don't know...
-curious at least. What's gotten into you?
There's something you're not telling me about and I'm growing tired.
-Tired of your attitude.
-Yes, your attitude.
It's all monosyllabics. All mood and darkness -
and I want to know why.
I'm very sorry to have disappointed you.
-Anya, could you go on your break, please?
You haven't disappointed me. How could you say that?
But you can't...
You're not much of a priest if you can't talk to your old man
about what's going on. Now, tell me.
-Dermott, talk to me.
-Get off me!
No, I won't. Not until you tell me.
Get off me! You're not my da!
And Iris wasn't my mother!
Why are you saying this? Dermott?
Because it's true.
-Oh. It's Gran. It's in my pocket.
-I'll get it.
-Whoa! What are you doing?
It's Bernie, it's all right, I've got it.
It's all been a lie.
Your life, my life. She's been laughing at us the whole time.
-Who's been laughing?
-Agnes. The whole time she's known.
She went to London to see Iris.
Ma. Iris was your ma.
Iris lost your child in London and she brought me back.
What a miracle, I was, eh? And Kathleen Moon...
-Why do you think she has been here this whole time?
-What are you talking about?
-She's my mother. Not Iris.
-Mammy! You're drunk.
I'm not your mammy.
Dermott, who's been telling you all this?
Lance. Some last prick of conscience before he went to the grave,
I don't know. She stole me.
Iris is nothing but a thief and a drunk.
-Now, you watch your mouth, boy.
You're just a man I shared a house with -
and here we are, 18 years later,
not so much as a drop of drink on you,
-with your sanctimonious, holier than thou...
Do you know the irony of all this is it needn't have been.
You were mourning a woman you didn't even know.
You have spent the past 30 years bringing up a child
that wasn't even yours.
Your life and everything in it - your drinking, your sobriety, me -
it's just not true. None of it is true.
You need to go to church.
Oh, I'll go! I'll go and I'll put on a good show!
You don't have to worry about me!
Not any more.
Why don't you pour yourself a drink, there? You deserve one.
Dermott. Save me!
Look at you, all dolled up.
Is that jam on your jacket?
They were in your deleted folder.
What were they doing there? I didn't delete them.
You were shooting a baby out of you,
how do you know what you were doing? I blew them up. I'm nice that way.
Will you send them to my private e-mail? You know it, don't you?
Listen, if I had six months holidays I wouldn't be worried about work.
It's called maternity leave, Doug.
Why do you want them, anyway?
Because I do. I'll see you later.
We're nearly ready to go.
How is she?
Needed a mother's touch, is all.
I don't want a repeat of last night, do you understand me?
I didn't do anything.
I grew tired of that line by the time you were 14.
-I won't be drinking.
-Nobody minds you taking a drink.
Just control yourself.
After all, there was nothing to celebrate when Andrew was born,
So, he deserves this?
I can't get any signal.
-Don't even think about laughing, Kieran.
What are we going to do?
You're an idiot. There's a spare tyre,
but we're never going to get it on unless we get it this thing out.
Look, don't panic. We'll wait here by the road and when a car comes,
we'll just flag it down.
I hope you know this is your fault.
How is this my fault?
You swan in here, like something out of a JD Salinger novel
and cause havoc.
Yeah, I know who JD Salinger is.
So, er, what am I, one of those phoneys?
What havoc have I caused?
You've caused havoc to me.
When you say you don't feel right...?
Things that aren't really there.
These crippling, awful headaches.
Well, often these are simply unwanted side effects
-of living with a brain tumour.
-Yeah, I know all about that, Doctor.
Between you lot and the internet I'm practically qualified myself.
But...my check-up's not for several months.
I thought I'd been given a second chance, you know?
And now...in my head...
Do you think people get third chances?
I dunno if they do...
Look, given the severity of your symptoms and your history,
it might be prudent to run a fresh scan, yeah? See where we are.
Yeah, that'd be...
Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Doc.
'This is Alfie Moon. Can't get to the phone right now,
'but please leave a message after the tone.'
Alfie, Where are you?
Look, we need to book a flight. Day or night, we just need to go.
-Where did you get these from?
-Dermott gave them to me.
Saint Apollonia. They beat her up and knocked her teeth out.
Tommy, I don't think you should be playing with these.
Dermott said if you don't believe then you go to hell.
That's Saint Zoe.
"Rejecting the food offered to the Gods, she was tortured
"and roasted to death in a furnace."
Tommy, you don't need to be thinking about heaven or hell, all right?
Dermott said I do.
So, what happens when you die?
Mum? What happens when you die?
Hello. Lovely to see you, thank you for coming.
Thank you so much for coming.
Andrew's not back. Bernie's having kittens over there.
She would have loved all this today.
Come on, we'll go inside, will we?
You might have everyone else fooled but you don't fool me.
Padraig is a good man.
Make it work.
What would you know about it?
Just take my advice. Don't end up like me.
You can't have a christening without the father of the baby
or the priest.
They'll be here.
I can do it myself.
What if something has happened?
-They'll have got caught in traffic.
-Traffic? In Redwater?
Where were you?
I was reading a parishioner's last rites.
Kathleen sends her love.
Where the hell have you been?
I went to get your cake, the cake you wanted.
-And you said you'd be back.
-We had a blowout, Gran.
-But we're fine.
Come on, everyone inside. Come on, move. You - baby wipes.
Get cleaned up.
Do you want to tell me what you've done?
What I do or what I don't do has got nothing to do with you.
Of course. Sorry.
For God said, "Honour your father and mother
"and anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death."
-No pressure, then.
Today, baby Lance Padraig Byrne becomes a part of a family.
What does that mean, that one simple word, family?
Is it love? Comfort? Protection?
It's all of those things.
It's also sacrifice.
I ask you here today to think about,
and to pray for those who are less fortunate,
for those who don't know their families
and for those who never will.
Andrew and Bernadette, you have asked for your child to be baptised.
In doing so, you are accepting the responsibility of training
Lance Padraig Byrne in the practice of the faith.
It will be your duty to bring Lance Padraig Byrne up,
to keep the Lord's Commandments
as Jesus taught us by loving God and our neighbour.
Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?
Andrew, do you understand what you are undertaking?
I baptise you in the name of the Father
and of the Son and the Holy Spirit.
MUSIC: Cardinal Knowledge by Kila
Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello! FEEDBACK
Sorry, I just want to say a few words, that's all.
It's been a beautiful day so far and a lovely service.
The passing of Lance.
The arrival of a newborn.
It focuses not only the mind...
but also the heart.
Not so many years ago, you, Andrew, were the baby.
Born just across the way there on the kitchen floor.
It was quite the Tuesday night, I can tell you.
Why, your Granny Agnes, there,
she was mopping up the floor for weeks after.
Where have all the years gone, eh?
Now, I don't have to tell you, as a father, just how that feels.
To bring a life into this world, to love something,
to love someone more than you could possibly love yourself.
That's the way it should be...
..but we don't say that often enough, do we, son, us men?
In fact, to my shame I can hardly remember the last time
I actually said that...
..but I'm proud of you, son.
You've been the joy of my life.
But as I grow old with spectacles on my nose and pouch on my side,
you'll stay strong.
We pass the baton.
Father to son. And on again.
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
Though I may not be wise...
I am proud.
Proud, my boy, to know you.
And I only wish that your children become the joy of your life.
MUSIC: You Really Got me by The Kinks
Peter, where are you? I am worried about you. Please call me.
-Did you get Peter?
-I'm not drinking.
I just don't want to. I don't have to, do I?
Give it to me. I will take it off your hands.
-Fancy a turn on the dance floor?
-I'm just not in the mood, love.
Course you're not. It's only a party, after all, huh?
-Kat told me what happened.
-Did she now?
She wanted to tell you, I mean, she was going to tell you.
She was just looking for the right time.
She's only trying to protect you, Dermott.
Yeah, just like Agnes was all those years.
Look how that turned out.
Life's a funny old thing, eh?
That's life. So old Blue Eyes himself says.
-Yeah, riding high in April, shot down in May.
-That's the one.
How's the hand?
Well, it's... It's getting there.
Kat's not too happy about the window, though.
-Yeah, that'll come out of your deposit. CHUCKLING:
Did you book the flights yet?
No. No. There's a problem with the airline.
You're lying to me.
So tell me.
I had a scan earlier.
I can't tell Kat, obviously. But, um...
It's not good news.
So when you say it's grown...
They want to do a biopsy.
Just to see what they're dealing with.
You know, I don't know whether to laugh, cry or scream...
It just feels like someone's really upset the big man upstairs,
Well, I'll be praying for you.
Do you think that will help, do you?
There have been scientific studies
that prove the efficacy of prayer, you know.
It does seem to me that you're searching for answers, Alfie.
It's funny, I was thinking, as I was driving over here,
who's going to put the bins out?
That was my little job every...
Every Tuesday night, you know. I'd put the bins out.
I don't want to die before I see my kids grow up.
Will you christen me, Father?
'Willy was always half cut on Diesel fumes, anyway.'
So he's driving along and he saw this bale of hay -
and something catches his eye, you know - it's moving.
This great, big, fat bale of hay starts rolling down the hill.
So Willy jumps out of the car.
rushes up to it and guess what he sees?
Two big black eyes staring at him. It was Bella the cow!
You look as miserable as your daughter.
Are you all right?
What do you care if I am or not?
You took advantage of me.
-You tricked me.
You've been drinking.
We can talk about it tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it tomorrow.
I want to talk about it now.
You can lie to yourself all you want.
We both know what happened.
PARTY MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY OUTSIDE
MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO
NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE
# She's a rich and rare land
# Oh, she's a warm and bold land
# Oh, she's a true and old land
# This native land of mine. #
Eileen is shaking up the Bryne's family with her plans for Cois Dara. Dermott confronts Peter with the truth. Alfie realises he has to seek treatment.