Episode 4 Lip Service


Episode 4

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It's just so comforting.

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Falling asleep in her arms and wake up to the sound of her breathing.

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Mmm.

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That quiet sound that reminds you that you're not alone

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and life is still worth living.

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Even with Nora?

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Tess, you've got Nora all wrong.

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She's great. She really likes you.

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What's she like with people she hates?

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It was her idea that I bring you breakfast today.

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Why?

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Because she feels really bad that

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I'm taking her to this film awards thing tonight instead of you.

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-What?!

-I'm really sorry.

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She got so excited when I told her I was going. I couldn't help asking.

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What, even though you invited me months ago?

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I'll make it up to you.

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-I'll take you out for lunch tomorrow.

-Yeah, well, don't worry.

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I'll find my comfort elsewhere.

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So, how have you been?

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You know. Keeping busy.

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Hey, I got these tickets for this wine tasting thing tonight.

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One of the consultants couldn't go, so he gave them to me.

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Right.

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I mean, he's the most pompous old arse I've ever met,

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but it's free wine and apparently the new Bordeauxs are "superlative."

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I don't know. Maybe. I'll give you a call later.

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Yeah. No, cool. I mean, no pressure.

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Hey. How was your run?

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Tremendous. But now I'm going to die.

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How's Sam?

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Oh, I don't know. She doesn't give much away.

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I've been meaning to call her.

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Ask her for a drink or something, but I just...

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Got nothing at all in common with her?

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Except maybe Cat. I mean, I guess not.

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It's great you're spending time with her, though.

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Hey, look.

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It's been a really shitty time for both of you.

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Hey, are you doing anything later?

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Do you want to go to the pub, or...?

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Er, no. I'd love to, but I can't.

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I invited Sam to this sort of wine tasting thing.

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Just to get her out of the house.

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I'd ask you, but I've just got a couple of tickets.

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Oh, no, no. It's fine. No problem. Got loads of lines to learn.

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Sorry, Lex. I borrowed your laptop again.

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-More job applications?

-No, I've written an article.

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Going to see if I can get it published.

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Save me from my temping nightmare.

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-You should've got Ed to read it.

-Oh, it's all right.

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I've already got an in at Minus 21 magazine.

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How come?

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I fucked the editor.

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Have you nicked my stapler again?

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It's a fair cop.

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Sam, there's something I need to ask you.

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They've released Cat's possessions from the scene.

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I've got them. They ought to go to her parents, but I...

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I thought you might like to have them.

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I mean, if you prefer, I could take them round to her...

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I'll have a think about it.

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-Thanks.

-OK.

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I see you've finished your session with Inspector Morse.

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I know, you're only supporting her as a friend.

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That's right, you embittered old cynic.

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Anyway, I've invited her to a wine tasting thingy tonight.

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And that's not like a date or anything?

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No, it's nothing like a date.

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You don't think she's going to think it's like a date, do you?

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-Who's got a date?

-Nobody!

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-Especially not our Lexy.

-No, I've just invited Sam...

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-Who she fancies the arse off of.

-..to a wine tasting.

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But it's not like a date. I mean, nothing at all like a date(!)

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Right.

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Everything OK?

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Ah, I was going to ask you to do something tonight

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-instead of tomorrow. Something came up.

-Oh, sorry.

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No worries. I'll fix it.

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Thought she was supposed to be no strings attached.

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She is.

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Right, so you're not going on a date

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and she's not in any way at all jealous.

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Hmm. Do you mind if we switch to my less finely nuanced love life?

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BEEPER SOUNDS Do you think it's possible that Sex-ray is straight

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and my sonically calibrated gaydar is off beam?

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Ah, let me just check my gaydar.

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It says...even if he WAS gay he wouldn't fancy you.

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Ha-ha(!)

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Hey. Someone page me?

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Yes, I did. There's a patient waiting for you in chairs.

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Cool.

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Er, there's no-one there. Did someone else take him?

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No, he wouldn't see anyone else.

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He only wanted you.

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He was really insistent about it.

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Cool, thanks.

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Fine. Now what we need is someone standing for them all arriving

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to give out a copy of the latest...issue.

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Um, yeah. Yeah.

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What moron thought it would be a good idea

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to send a work experience to pick the investors up from the airport?

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If it was Karen, you can tell her she's back in the post room.

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You can send that girl over.

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If you'd like to just go through.

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What are you doing here?

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-I wanted to talk to you.

-You're fucking joking, Sadie? Here?

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I told you it was a one-time thing. Are you some sort of stalker?

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I wanted to give you this.

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It's an article I've written for the magazine.

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Remember you said I should give you my ideas?

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Or have you forgotten that now you've fucked me?

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And don't flatter yourself that I'd bother stalking you.

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You weren't all that.

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-You coming out tonight?

-Oh, no. Not tonight.

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Look, Sam, if you don't want to face the whole gang, we could go back

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to yours for a curry. I'll even endure your Cagney and Lacey box set.

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-Now, that's an offer you won't get every day.

-Thanks, I appreciate it.

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-Actually, I'm going out tonight.

-Yeah?

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Mm-hm. I'm going to a wine tasting event with my running partner.

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-Serious?

-Yeah.

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So you're blowing out The Grampian for a wine tasting?

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You're never going to live this one down, Murray.

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-I'll see you later.

-See you.

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PHONE RINGING

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I can't believe Ed's just ditched me

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so he can take stupid Carol to the film awards instead.

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It's amazing the depths people will stoop to for regular sex.

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Yeah, well, he's supposed to be my best friend.

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He's pretty much the only friend I've got left here, apart from you.

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What about your new flatmates? I thought you were bonding with them.

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Well, they're too busy

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having vital, life-enhancing sexual experiences.

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Can't you tell them to conduct their sexcapades elsewhere?

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Oh, they're all right.

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Well, Sadie's a bit of a pain, but Lexy's lovely.

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Like, she's really kind and understanding, you know.

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-Tess!

-Mmm?

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Have you fallen for your roomie?

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No! God, no.

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OK, maybe a little bit.

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But, you know, it's pretty hopeless.

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I mean, she hardly looks at me.

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Not like she's picturing me naked, anyway.

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-Sext her.

-What?

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Show her what she's missing. What all the kids are doing.

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Um, no, because then she'd think I was a psycho.

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I did actually try asking her out this morning,

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but she said she was busy, so...

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Well, where did you ask her out to?

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-Pub.

-Well, that's not going to work.

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You've got to invite her somewhere outside the flatmate zone.

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So the mood can take you.

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Well, I can't ask her out officially.

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If she turns me down, we'll be stuck avoiding each other

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for the next year over the Rice Krispies.

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Listen, think stealth dating.

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Pretend to take her somewhere fun and friendly, like salsa classes.

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One minute you're doing the salsa, the next you're rumba-ing in her knickers.

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What, really?!

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Try it. See where it leads you.

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Yeah, well, knowing me, it will probably lead to humiliation

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and a really bad hangover.

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You're late.

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And put your fucking hat on.

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I can't talk about this just now. I'm at work.

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No, I've got to go.

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You all right?

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Yeah. Domestic bliss. Susie's being a bit of a nightmare.

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If our thing is causing any extra strain, you know,

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we can just cool it off for a while.

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No, it's got nothing to do with that.

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It's her work.

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And maybe now that I'm a bit stressed,

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you could help me let off some steam.

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Oh, um...yeah. No, I can't.

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I've got to see Sam.

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Oh, yeah. I forgot about your big date.

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Big non-date. Yeah, I should go.

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I can't believe Hearts Of Stone is still on at my local.

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Every day I have to pass that kilted twat.

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-"Thomas Delaware

-IS

-Hamish of Scone."

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(IMITATES THOMAS) The heart that bears the stone will e'er be free!

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Oh, come on! That was a good impression.

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Do you think if I killed Nora,

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they'd let me off for justifiable homicide?

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-I bet there's loads of people who would testify how incredibly...

-Tess!

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Tess, Tess, Tess. I am so, so sorry about tonight.

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Myself and Eddie have just been racked with guilt.

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But I have bought you a bottle.

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So, you can still have a lovely evening at home.

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Oh, great!

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Me and my bottle of really...

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really posh champagne!

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TELEPHONE RINGS

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-Hi, Lexy.

-So, are you coming?

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Great! OK, cool.

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Um, I'll pick you up in an hour.

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OK, see you. Bye.

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Sadie, table 12 wants cheese.

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Can I help you?

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I came to apologise. There was no need for me to be so rude.

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OK. Apology accepted.

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It's no excuse, but I am just really, really busy.

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And yet you took time to come and say sorry in person?

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So, why are you really here?

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Let's taste the 2007.

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On the nose, I'm getting...cherries.

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And violets.

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It's more fleshy than the 2006.

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Much more...voluptuous.

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A real animal vigour.

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But I do detect a slight false note in the middle of the palate.

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That's why I became a lesbian.

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SPLUTTERS

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Ah! It seems as if someone else agrees with me.

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Can you detect the false note?

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What flavours are you getting from the 2007?

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Ah, um...

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Er...

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-Black pepper?

-Mm-hm.

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Um...cherries.

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And, er...

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Twigs.

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How interesting. Yes.

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I can taste the oak.

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Oh, I'm also getting a hint of citrus.

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And, um...

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Oof! I don't know how that found its way in there,

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but...wet carpet?

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SNIGGERS

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Maybe you'd like to share with us why you think this is a laughing matter.

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A grape may just be a grape to you

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but everyone else is here to learn something

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about these fascinating Bordeaux.

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Shall we continue, with number five?

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HEAVY BREATHING

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GASPS

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-Oh, don't stop!

-Say you're sorry.

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What?

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-Say you're really, really sorry.

-I'm sorry.

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SIGHS

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MOANS

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Oh!

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Oh!

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SHE SIGHS

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I am late. I am so fucking late.

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Worth it, though, eh?

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TELEPHONE RINGS

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Oh, fuck. Untie me. I've got to get that.

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-Say please.

-Sadie!

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Oh, God. Hey!

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No. I know, I know. It's because of the party.

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So many last-minute glitches.

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Yeah, yeah. I'll see you soon. Bye.

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So, I'm a glitch, then, am I?

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Yeah. You're a total fucking glitch, but a very entertaining one.

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So, have you read my masterpiece, then?

0:18:070:18:10

No. I am going to.

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If it's good enough, do I get an invite to this party?

0:18:110:18:14

It's not that kind of party.

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It's one of those schmoozy corporate things.

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I'm good at schmoozing.

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God, this lot would bore you to death.

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Look, I'll read your article tomorrow. I promise.

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Can I give you 250?

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That should cover the hotel bill.

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I am just in such a hurry.

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It says this one's nose is a little bit rustic.

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Sounds like my uncle Dale.

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Oh, God.

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It feels like I haven't used those muscles in a while.

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Sam, you don't have to feel guilty about having fun.

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I thought Cat was fucking Frankie.

0:19:010:19:03

-What would...

-Doesn't matter. I was wrong.

0:19:070:19:10

I just... I feel a little bit shit about it.

0:19:100:19:12

Sam, one of the first things most people feel is guilt.

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Thank you, Doctor. I'm not here for bereavement counselling.

0:19:170:19:20

OK, sorry.

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Actually, I wanted to ask your professional opinion.

0:19:250:19:29

Some weird stuff's been happening at work and I can't work out

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if it's someone winding me up or something creepy is going on.

0:19:310:19:34

What's been happening?

0:19:340:19:36

A letter in my locker.

0:19:360:19:39

Saying what?

0:19:390:19:41

-"I know"?

-Oh, and someone paged me today

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and when I got there, the patient had disappeared.

0:19:480:19:51

I've tried to figure it out but I've realised...

0:19:510:19:53

I mean, there's nothing mysterious or interesting

0:19:530:19:56

or even vaguely secret about my life, which is kind of sad.

0:19:560:20:00

Have you pissed anyone off lately?

0:20:000:20:02

Not more than usual.

0:20:030:20:05

Is your girlfriend the jealous type?

0:20:060:20:08

No. I don't have a girlfriend.

0:20:080:20:11

I need the toilet.

0:20:170:20:19

It's OK. Keep breathing into your hands, that's it.

0:21:350:21:37

Breathe into here.

0:21:400:21:42

Bit deeper if you can.

0:21:420:21:44

Has this happened before?

0:21:500:21:52

Once or twice.

0:21:540:21:56

Oh, no. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone.

0:21:590:22:01

OK, let's get you home. You all right?

0:22:080:22:10

So, that's £145, please.

0:22:170:22:20

Keep the change.

0:22:320:22:34

Oh!

0:23:010:23:02

Ooh!

0:23:040:23:06

Uh!

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SHE GROANS

0:23:240:23:26

We should've run straight to the pub.

0:23:340:23:36

Got some hair of the dog before showing up to work.

0:23:360:23:39

At the hospital and the police station?

0:23:390:23:41

Maybe not such a good look.

0:23:410:23:43

Listen, I was thinking about your stalker thing.

0:23:470:23:50

You need to write everything down.

0:23:500:23:51

Exactly what happens, the time and the date.

0:23:510:23:54

-Just in case it gets serious.

-Oh, great.

0:23:540:23:55

You think I'll end up tied to some weirdo's radiator?

0:23:550:23:58

No! You just might need it as proof.

0:23:580:24:01

I don't know. I think it's just a case of mistaken identity.

0:24:010:24:05

Have you told them at work about your panic attacks?

0:24:080:24:10

No. They'd just stick me on desk duty and I couldn't hack it.

0:24:100:24:13

Oh, fuck running. I'm getting a Danish.

0:24:170:24:19

Hey!

0:24:420:24:44

-Hey, Tess.

-Hey, um...

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I was just, er...

0:24:530:24:56

I was just reading an article

0:24:560:24:58

in The List about skateboarding.

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Not that I'm into skateboarding.

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Anyway, there was an advert next to it for a roller disco.

0:25:040:25:08

Which I reckon I was pretty good at, back in the day.

0:25:090:25:12

Could go backwards and everything.

0:25:130:25:16

Anyway, it's on tonight.

0:25:160:25:20

Yeah, sounds cool.

0:25:200:25:22

Brilliant.

0:25:220:25:24

Hey! How did it go with the Minus 21 editor?

0:25:240:25:27

-Pretty good.

-You fucked her again, didn't you?

0:25:270:25:30

It was hardly a chore.

0:25:300:25:33

She's hot and she could be my ride out of cheese hell.

0:25:330:25:37

-Look at you, Anna Nicole Smith!

-When's the article coming out?

0:25:370:25:40

When she's read it, I guess.

0:25:400:25:42

Hey, you. How was the non-date?

0:25:510:25:53

-Yeah, it was good, thanks.

-Excellent.

0:25:530:25:55

You can tell me all about it later

0:25:550:25:57

because I managed to sort out tonight.

0:25:570:25:59

-Yeah? Is everything OK with...?

-Yeah. As I suspected, PMT.

0:25:590:26:03

Do you mind just coming over to mine?

0:26:030:26:05

Sure. I'm looking forward to hearing all the non-details.

0:26:050:26:10

You see?

0:26:120:26:14

Non-jealous.

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Non-girlfriend.

0:26:160:26:17

Guess who's going to the roller disco with Lexy

0:26:190:26:22

and is pretty good at roller-skating?

0:26:220:26:25

I spoke to Maggie about Ronald.

0:26:250:26:28

Do you know what she's offering? Weekends.

0:26:280:26:31

Well, isn't that kind of when you want a dog?

0:26:310:26:33

At the weekends?

0:26:330:26:36

-Especially if you're single.

-That's what they're banking on.

0:26:360:26:39

Leaving them free to fly to Rome on romantic mini-breaks. Get real!

0:26:390:26:43

So, what are you going to do?

0:26:430:26:47

I'm lawyering up.

0:26:470:26:49

Show her and Delaware they're fucking with the wrong man.

0:26:490:26:53

OK.

0:26:530:26:55

And if that one cuts up rough today, she can have a piece of me too.

0:26:550:26:58

Morning, everyone.

0:26:580:27:00

Can we do the rapprochement scene again?

0:27:000:27:04

I just... I loved Tess's anger towards me yesterday.

0:27:040:27:07

Wasn't she fantastic, Rory?

0:27:070:27:09

-Yeah, that was really good work, Tess.

-Nice jumper, Hugh.

0:27:090:27:13

Oh, thanks. It's new.

0:27:140:27:17

Right. Can we go from "Beautiful, sorrowful roses"?

0:27:170:27:20

Yep.

0:27:200:27:22

Er, the Welsh goat?

0:27:230:27:27

No.

0:27:270:27:28

The Irish goat?

0:27:300:27:32

It's the brie, Sadie.

0:27:320:27:34

It's the brie.

0:27:340:27:35

Can I ask you something, Sadie?

0:27:380:27:40

Do you actually like cheese?

0:27:400:27:43

Yeah, I love it.

0:27:430:27:46

And which cheese is your particular favourite?

0:27:470:27:50

From our selection?

0:27:500:27:52

I like all of them.

0:27:520:27:54

This restaurant is famous for its cheese board.

0:27:580:28:02

And there are plenty of genuine cheese enthusiasts out there

0:28:020:28:05

who would give their eye teeth...

0:28:050:28:07

I know, I'm sorry.

0:28:070:28:09

It's just... I really, really need the loo.

0:28:090:28:13

OK.

0:28:160:28:18

-When nature calls...

-Thanks.

0:28:180:28:20

Say cheese.

0:28:360:28:38

The crowdie, or gruth in Gaelic. A Viking oat-covered green cheese.

0:28:400:28:43

Bonnet, a delicious goat's milk cheese from a small Ayrshire dairy.

0:28:430:28:47

And finally, Bishop Kennedy, an unpasteurised Scottish cheese,

0:28:470:28:50

washed in whisky and named after a 15th-century bishop from St Andrews.

0:28:500:28:53

Right.

0:28:550:28:57

Looks like we've got the cheese situation covered.

0:28:570:29:00

-What time do you get off?

-Not for a long while yet.

0:29:000:29:03

Oh, that's OK. See, we're staying over.

0:29:030:29:06

I wouldn't want you to miss out.

0:29:060:29:09

Thanks, but I'm seeing my girlfriend later.

0:29:090:29:12

Oh, really? Well, your girlfriend is welcome to join us too.

0:29:120:29:17

Only if she is as hot as you are, eh?

0:29:170:29:20

She's really hot.

0:29:210:29:22

She's just not interested in wankers.

0:29:220:29:25

Oh, sorry! I meant bankers.

0:29:250:29:28

Waitress!

0:29:310:29:34

This wine's corked.

0:29:340:29:37

It's fine.

0:29:460:29:48

-Are you still pissed off at me for seeing Nora?

-No.

0:30:110:30:14

No, actually, I think anyone who is going to make you happy right now

0:30:140:30:18

must be a good thing.

0:30:180:30:22

And Nora seems really happy, which is great for everyone.

0:30:220:30:24

You've changed your tune.

0:30:240:30:26

Yeah, well, I think

0:30:260:30:28

you've got to grab love when it comes along.

0:30:280:30:31

Nora's got this friend, Meg.

0:30:310:30:33

We're seeing her later.

0:30:330:30:35

She's gay and she's fit and...

0:30:350:30:38

..Nora and I think you'd be perfect together.

0:30:400:30:43

Oh, thanks. But I'm busy tonight.

0:30:430:30:47

Really? What are you doing?

0:30:470:30:49

Just a girls' night out with Lexy.

0:30:490:30:52

He's wearing a perfectly pressed shirt,

0:30:550:30:58

he's clearly using hair product.

0:30:580:31:00

He's selected a low calorie beverage.

0:31:000:31:03

-How much more definite can you get?

-I need proof.

0:31:030:31:06

So just go and ask him if he owns the Glee box set.

0:31:060:31:10

-You ask him!

-OK, fuck it!

0:31:100:31:12

I'll go and find out, but you owe me.

0:31:120:31:15

Excuse me.

0:31:210:31:25

I was thinking of getting the Moroccan tagine.

0:31:250:31:29

I've always wanted to go to Morocco.

0:31:310:31:35

Have you ever been to Morocco?

0:31:350:31:40

Yes, I have.

0:31:400:31:42

Oh? Cool!

0:31:420:31:44

Who did you, er... Who did you go with?

0:31:440:31:48

My sister.

0:31:480:31:50

-Not your...

-Wife? No.

0:31:500:31:52

But I am gay.

0:31:540:31:56

Oh, no. No, I didn't... Ah!

0:31:580:32:00

-Yeah, he's gay.

-Yes!

-I can never see him again.

0:32:020:32:07

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

0:32:070:32:09

PHONE BEEPS AGAIN

0:32:260:32:28

Sadie!

0:32:300:32:32

I've had a complaint from table... Was you on the phone?

0:32:320:32:35

You shouldn't even have that with you.

0:32:350:32:38

Where is your fucking hat?

0:32:380:32:40

Do you know what?

0:32:420:32:45

You can take your hat, and your cheese, and your stupid poncey job

0:32:450:32:49

and stuff it up your tight little arse!

0:32:490:32:52

I've come to collect Cat's things from the scene.

0:33:140:33:16

OK. If you're sure. There's no rush.

0:33:160:33:19

I'm sure.

0:33:190:33:22

Here you are.

0:33:280:33:30

I'm sorry.

0:33:320:33:34

Thanks.

0:33:360:33:37

KNOCK ON DOOR

0:33:520:33:54

Work before pleasure.

0:34:040:34:07

Did you read my article?

0:34:080:34:10

Oh, yeah. It was good. It was good but, um...

0:34:100:34:13

We're pretty full over the next few issues, so...

0:34:130:34:18

Right.

0:34:180:34:19

What's wrong?

0:34:240:34:26

Well, I've just lost my job, so I won't be able to pay the rent,

0:34:260:34:31

which probably means I'll get kicked out of my flat.

0:34:310:34:34

Apart from that, I'm peachy(!)

0:34:340:34:37

I'm sorry.

0:34:370:34:39

Maybe you should come to the party tonight.

0:34:390:34:42

Well, you might be able to get some useful contacts.

0:34:430:34:46

And you don't mind me coming now?

0:34:480:34:50

No. I'd like us both to come.

0:34:500:34:55

I think that can be arranged.

0:34:570:34:59

Oh, yeah.

0:36:010:36:02

Can you sort the hotel bill again today?

0:36:020:36:05

250 was enough yesterday, wasn't it?

0:36:050:36:07

Here.

0:36:090:36:11

Actually, it was too much. The room's only 150.

0:36:110:36:14

-OK. Thanks.

-I'll get your change from yesterday.

0:36:170:36:20

-No, there's no need.

-Yeah, there is.

0:36:200:36:23

Thanks.

0:36:270:36:29

So, I'll see you at the party, then?

0:36:290:36:31

Oh, yeah. Sure.

0:36:310:36:34

-Any dress codes?

-Doesn't matter.

0:36:340:36:37

Come on.

0:36:580:37:00

-Hello! Anyone home?

-I'm in the kitchen. With wine.

0:37:230:37:27

Wow. Something smells nice.

0:37:290:37:32

Oh, it's just a little something I rustled up.

0:37:320:37:34

Oh, I could do with eating before we go out.

0:37:340:37:36

Go out? Oh, no. Bea's coming over.

0:37:360:37:39

So, you're not up for the roller disco, then?

0:37:410:37:45

What roller disco?

0:37:460:37:48

Yeah. We...er, we said we might go tonight?

0:37:480:37:51

Oh, did we? Sorry, Tess.

0:37:510:37:55

-I'd love to, but...

-Oh, no. It's fine.

0:37:550:37:57

Actually...actually it's good,

0:37:570:37:59

because Ed's asked me to go out with him and Nora, so...

0:37:590:38:02

Come on. You hate Nora.

0:38:020:38:04

Yeah, but they're fixing me up with one of Nora's friends.

0:38:040:38:08

-Apparently she's well fit.

-Oh, so you DON'T mind?

0:38:080:38:11

No! No.

0:38:110:38:13

Cool. Well, maybe we'll both be getting some tonight.

0:38:130:38:16

Maybe!

0:38:160:38:17

Yeah, I'm just going to call Ed.

0:38:180:38:21

-OK.

-Yep.

0:38:210:38:23

PARTY CHATTER

0:38:500:38:54

Wow! You look hot.

0:39:060:39:09

Thanks.

0:39:090:39:11

Is Bea not here yet?

0:39:110:39:13

No, no. She cancelled. She's throwing up.

0:39:130:39:16

Oh, well, that's...

0:39:180:39:19

Look, I'll call Ed and cancel.

0:39:190:39:22

I mean, we've still got time to go to the roller disco.

0:39:220:39:26

Oh, don't worry. I couldn't be arsed moving, anyway.

0:39:260:39:29

Still, I mean, we could just have a quiet night in.

0:39:290:39:33

That's very sweet, Tess, but I'm fine, really.

0:39:330:39:35

Just go out. Have fun. Might meet the woman of your dreams.

0:39:350:39:39

TELEPHONE RINGS

0:39:420:39:44

-Hello?

-MAN:

-Hello. This is the Highland Bank calling.

0:39:460:39:50

-Am I speaking to Lexy Price?

-Yep, but I'm kind of busy right now.

0:39:500:39:53

This won't take a moment, Miss Price.

0:39:530:39:55

There have been some unusual transactions on your card.

0:39:550:39:57

-If I can just take you through security?

-Yeah.

0:39:570:40:00

Can you confirm that your full address

0:40:000:40:02

is 16 Birchmore Street, Glasgow?

0:40:020:40:04

Uh-huh. Yeah, but it's 14. What are the transactions?

0:40:040:40:07

Hello?

0:40:110:40:13

Who is this?

0:40:170:40:18

HANGS UP PHONE

0:40:200:40:22

TAPS ON KEYBOARD

0:40:490:40:51

Tess!

0:41:020:41:05

-Meg, Tess. Tess, Meg.

-Hi.

0:41:050:41:07

My old BFF and my new BFF.

0:41:070:41:09

So excited to get you two together.

0:41:090:41:12

-Don't they make a cute couple?

-Yeah.

0:41:120:41:14

So, Tess,

0:41:140:41:16

what scandalous stories has Nora told you about me?

0:41:160:41:18

Oh, don't worry. I didn't tell her about the time

0:41:180:41:21

you threw beer over that ugly fat girl.

0:41:210:41:23

LAUGHS

0:41:230:41:24

Typical me. I go a bit mad sometimes.

0:41:240:41:27

Look, we are going to go outside

0:41:270:41:31

for, um...a ciggie. OK?

0:41:310:41:33

-But neither of you smokes.

-See you in a bit.

0:41:330:41:36

So, how do you know Nora?

0:41:410:41:43

I'm a make-up artist.

0:41:430:41:45

-Oh, right.

-On Cardiac Care?

0:41:450:41:48

Wow.

0:41:480:41:49

Hi. Can I join your conversation?

0:41:560:41:59

I don't know anyone here.

0:41:590:42:01

I'm Sadie.

0:42:010:42:03

-Hi, Sadie. I'm Dan.

-Dan.

-This is Stewart.

-Hello, Stewart.

0:42:030:42:06

-Take it you don't work here, then.

-I don't work anywhere.

0:42:060:42:09

That's why I'm here. Got any jobs going?

0:42:090:42:13

Straight for the jugular!

0:42:130:42:16

-What's your background?

-Property, mainly.

0:42:180:42:21

But I can turn my hand to most things.

0:42:210:42:24

We were looking for someone to help with our property pages a while back.

0:42:240:42:28

Fantastic. I'll give you my card.

0:42:280:42:31

Just excuse me one minute.

0:42:350:42:37

Wow. What happened there?

0:42:500:42:53

Social annihilation by cheese.

0:42:530:42:56

I was just on the scent of some actual work as well.

0:42:580:43:01

-Unemployment by cheese.

-Yeah.

0:43:020:43:05

Do you work here too?

0:43:060:43:07

No, I run an art gallery over in the Merchant City.

0:43:070:43:11

It's called The Space.

0:43:110:43:13

-Sadie Anderson.

-Oh, cool.

0:43:140:43:16

Jo Glass. I'm Lauren's partner.

0:43:160:43:19

KNOCK ON DOOR

0:43:470:43:50

You are still here.

0:43:500:43:52

You all right?

0:43:520:43:53

What you looking at?

0:43:530:43:55

It's my mate's house.

0:43:550:43:57

She thinks she might have a stalker.

0:43:570:43:59

Where is that?

0:44:010:44:03

Birchmore Street?

0:44:030:44:05

You know you could get suspended for this.

0:44:060:44:09

I know. I just had to check it out. I'm nearly done now.

0:44:090:44:13

I never saw this. OK?

0:44:130:44:15

OK.

0:44:160:44:18

Course, I meet a lot of actresses in my line of work.

0:45:430:45:47

And most of them fall for me.

0:45:470:45:49

Oh, could we have another bottle, please?

0:45:500:45:53

Oh, they don't say anything

0:45:530:45:55

but I can always tell by the way they look at me.

0:45:550:45:57

A lot of straight girls

0:45:570:45:59

want to work out their lesbian fantasies on a girl like me.

0:45:590:46:02

Oh, that's lovely.

0:46:020:46:03

We're a rare breed, you and me. Pretty dykes.

0:46:050:46:09

I mean, it's a bit of dogs home out there, isn't it?

0:46:090:46:13

Oh, well, I wouldn't necessarily say that. I mean...

0:46:130:46:16

I had this thing last season with Shelley Prince.

0:46:160:46:20

Er...

0:46:200:46:21

You know, she plays Jessica in Cardiac Care.

0:46:210:46:24

Right.

0:46:240:46:25

And I also had a little thing with Gina Summers.

0:46:250:46:30

-You know, she plays Jessica's sister, Shae.

-Yes.

0:46:300:46:34

So, you could say, I've had both of the Moncrieff twins.

0:46:340:46:38

That's hilarious.

0:46:400:46:42

I guess you don't get the same calibre of star in theatre

0:46:420:46:45

as you do in television.

0:46:450:46:46

You know, I could probably get you a meeting for Cardiac Care.

0:46:480:46:51

Oh, that's...that's sweet

0:46:510:46:53

but I'm pretty busy with Chekhov at the moment, so...

0:46:530:46:57

Chekhov? Who's he?!

0:46:570:47:00

Cardiac Care is today's Shakespeare.

0:47:000:47:03

I know, that was Keith White in the Partick Daily Post.

0:47:030:47:08

So, where did you meet Lauren, Sadie?

0:47:110:47:14

Oh, I came in to pitch for work. But she didn't have anything for me.

0:47:140:47:18

Oh, not leaving many stones unturned, are you?

0:47:180:47:21

Here she comes. Hey! Surprised to see me?

0:47:210:47:25

Gavin cancelled at the last minute. I could make it after all.

0:47:250:47:27

Must be a nice surprise for you, Lauren.

0:47:270:47:29

Yeah. So, do you two know each other?

0:47:290:47:33

No, we just met in the loo. I hope you're introducing Sadie to some useful people.

0:47:330:47:37

I've got to go speak to an investor before she leaves.

0:47:370:47:40

Don't worry about us. Go and charm the pants off her.

0:47:400:47:43

LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

0:47:430:47:45

OK.

0:47:450:47:46

And that's when I realised I could make some extra cash foot modelling.

0:47:470:47:51

Ah.

0:47:510:47:53

I wonder what's happened to Ed and Nora?

0:47:530:47:56

Yeah. I'm going to go and find them.

0:47:560:47:59

NORA GIGGLES

0:48:110:48:13

Hey!

0:48:160:48:18

Did you...?

0:48:210:48:23

I've missed you.

0:48:240:48:27

Ah, that's...that's nice.

0:48:270:48:30

Er...

0:48:320:48:35

Really quiet. Cos my flatmate's asleep.

0:48:420:48:45

OK.

0:48:450:48:46

-Ah! Wha...?

-Say, "Stand and deliver."

0:49:050:49:10

What?

0:49:110:49:13

I'm a beautiful princess.

0:49:130:49:15

And you're a fearless highwaywoman holding up my carriage.

0:49:150:49:19

OK. Um...

0:49:210:49:23

Stand and deliver.

0:49:250:49:29

Now rub my royal lady mound.

0:49:440:49:46

OK, I'm...

0:49:460:49:47

CLEARS THROAT

0:49:470:49:49

What's up?

0:49:490:49:51

Did you want to be princess, Tess?

0:49:510:49:53

No. No.

0:49:530:49:54

I'm just...

0:49:560:49:58

I'm feeling really ill, suddenly.

0:49:580:50:01

Oh, no. What's the matter?

0:50:010:50:03

I just feel really...sick.

0:50:030:50:05

And I've got a real bad headache.

0:50:050:50:09

My leg...hurts.

0:50:090:50:11

Your leg?

0:50:110:50:13

Yeah.

0:50:130:50:15

Yeah, it's like there's a sort of...

0:50:150:50:19

tingling in my lower thigh.

0:50:190:50:22

Oh, shit! Shall I call NHS 24?

0:50:220:50:26

-See if we should take you to hospital?

-No, no, it's fine.

0:50:260:50:29

I just need to rest. My housemate's a doctor, so...

0:50:290:50:32

Why didn't you say?

0:50:320:50:34

-I'll go get her.

-No, no, no. You can't.

0:50:340:50:38

You can't wake her. She's got work tomorrow.

0:50:380:50:40

-I'm sure she won't mind in an emergency.

-No, no. Really.

0:50:400:50:43

Is this her room here?

0:50:430:50:45

KNOCKS ON DOOR

0:50:450:50:47

Is there a doctor in the house?

0:50:470:50:49

Hang on.

0:50:490:50:52

-Everything all right?

-No. It's Tess. She's really ill.

0:50:530:50:56

What's the matter, Tess?

0:51:040:51:06

Are you feeling sick?

0:51:060:51:07

Yeah.

0:51:070:51:09

Really sick.

0:51:090:51:11

Is it something that you ate?

0:51:110:51:12

No.

0:51:120:51:14

SHE MOUTHS

0:51:160:51:18

Right, well, um...

0:51:200:51:23

OK.

0:51:230:51:24

Yeah, let's have a look at this.

0:51:240:51:28

So, you're feeling sick.

0:51:280:51:30

Look up. And anything else?

0:51:300:51:33

Just a really, really bad headache.

0:51:330:51:36

-And that tingling in your leg.

-Yeah.

0:51:360:51:38

It's like a tingling in my upper thigh.

0:51:380:51:42

-You said lower before.

-It's moved.

0:51:420:51:45

A tingling in your upper thigh?

0:51:450:51:47

That's quite an unusual presentation.

0:51:470:51:49

I don't like the sound of this.

0:51:510:51:54

What do you think it is?

0:51:540:51:56

Could be bacterial hydritis,

0:51:560:51:58

in which case we're going to have to take her in.

0:51:580:52:02

COUGHS

0:52:050:52:06

So, um, if you could maybe go home.

0:52:060:52:10

Oh, I don't mind staying and keeping an eye on Tess while you sleep.

0:52:100:52:13

-Oh, no, no, really. Go home.

-Why?

0:52:130:52:16

-Do you think it's infectious?

-Unfortunately, very.

0:52:180:52:21

Right. Well, if you're sure there's nothing I can do.

0:52:220:52:26

-All right, but, um... Thanks.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, thanks, Meg.

0:52:260:52:30

OK. Bye.

0:52:300:52:32

BOTH LAUGH

0:52:360:52:39

So, Sadie, I really must introduce you to some useful people.

0:52:400:52:44

There's no need. I've already landed myself a plum job.

0:52:440:52:47

-She's coming to work for me.

-No!

0:52:470:52:51

I mean, Sadie's in property.

0:52:510:52:54

I'm a saleswoman, actually, Lauren.

0:52:540:52:57

It doesn't matter if it's art or houses.

0:52:570:52:59

She's perfect for the gallery.

0:52:590:53:01

Means I can finally give that stroppy French cow the boot.

0:53:010:53:03

She's been on a warning for months now.

0:53:030:53:06

Well, right. Congratulations.

0:53:070:53:10

Darling, I've just got to pick up a few things.

0:53:100:53:13

A few bits and pieces from the office. Then we can go for dinner.

0:53:130:53:16

Yeah. Perhaps you'd like to join us, Sadie?

0:53:160:53:19

No, thanks. I think I'll leave you two to your evening.

0:53:190:53:23

-What the fuck are you doing?

-I told you. I need a job.

0:53:430:53:46

With my wife? Are you fucking mad?

0:53:460:53:50

No. Just very practical.

0:53:500:53:52

You're a bit paranoid, aren't you?

0:53:560:53:58

You're not going to ask me to leave, then?

0:54:020:54:04

FURIOUS KNOCKING AT DOOR

0:54:250:54:26

Lexy, it's Sam. Will you let me in?

0:54:280:54:31

Hey.

0:54:310:54:33

Hey, are you all right?

0:54:330:54:36

It was true. Cat was fucking Frankie.

0:54:360:54:39

-What?

-They were meeting here too.

0:54:390:54:42

Wait a second. Are you sure?

0:54:420:54:43

I saw her on CCTV.

0:54:430:54:47

She was here before she died.

0:54:480:54:51

That's fucking...

0:54:520:54:54

She could have told me. She could have given me that at least.

0:54:540:54:58

-Frankie, that useless bitch!

-OK. Come here.

0:54:580:55:01

I haven't changed the sheets.

0:55:060:55:09

I've done everything else.

0:55:090:55:10

I've packed up her clothes.

0:55:130:55:15

Hey, Sam. Come on.

0:55:250:55:27

Sam, come on. Sam!

0:55:280:55:29

Come on, don't! Don't, Sam.

0:55:300:55:32

Stop, Sam! Sam, stop, Sam.

0:55:320:55:34

Don't! I don't want it! Not like this, OK?

0:55:340:55:37

Sorry.

0:55:380:55:40

I'm sorry.

0:55:410:55:43

No. No, Sam. Sam, wait. I didn't... Sam, wait!

0:55:430:55:47

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