Skin Deep Moving On

# Here come the girls

# Girls, girls

# Girls, girls

# Here come the girls

# Girls, girls

# Girls, girls

# Looking so good It's a darn god shame

# That they couldn't all be mine

# Looking so pretty It's a darn god pity

# Oh! Looking so fine!

-# Fine!

-Look out blood!

# Let me get further little closer to the one I love

# Anything better than the opposite sex... #

Come on up to the dance floor all you classmates of '66.

Still feeling young?

Well, it's time to wind back the clock all the way to 1968.

# Oh, I bet you wondered how I knew

# 'Bout your plans to make me blue

# With some other guy you knew before

# Between the two of us guys

# You know I love you more

# It took me by surprise

When I found out yesterday

# Don't you know that I heard it through the grapevine

# Not much longer would you be mine

# Oh, I heard it through the grapevine

# Oh, I'm just about to lose my mind

# Honey, honey, yeah...

# I know a man ain't supposed to cry... #

DOOR SLAMS

Hey!

Love's young dream!

What?

Back in the room...

Are you all right, love?

What time is it?

It was, erm,

buy one get one free.

On a crate?

I had to be introduced! No-one knew who I was.

I thought they had name badges.

I knew Maureen Kelly when I saw her.

Veronica Mangan.

Rose bloody what's her name?

You knew her well, then?

And that Mary, the flippin' organiser,

stuck by me for half an hour to explain who I was to everyone.

Apparently I was too stupid to do it myself.

Well, maybe she was just being friendly.

Maybe she was just being patronising.

There's a film starting.

Why did I go? I don't even like that kind of thing.

It's Paul Newman.

I knew it was a bad idea. I should have stayed in and done the ironing.

-You don't even like Paul Newman.

-It's still a good film though.

If I'd wanted to be insulted all night I could have stayed home and talked to you.

I mean, they seemed to recognise one another.

What was so different about me?

Insignificant!

So insignificant I've been wiped from their memories.

Rubbish. I can't remember half the people I went to school with.

Yes, you can. You're always reeling off names.

I wouldn't know half of them if they walked in here now.

-It was embarrassing.

-Probably more embarrassing for them.

Oh, that's right. Take their side.

Oh, forget it. You'll never see them again, anyway.

Well, that's my point, Frankie!

I could walk right past them and they wouldn't know it. Am I boring you?

No.

I've just had the most humiliating night of my life,

but if you want to get some kip, don't mind me.

Come to bed.

You've no idea, have you?

-Of what?

-What I'm going through.

Look, you've had a bad night. Have you got post-traumatic stress now?

It's made me feel...

like a nonentity.

It made me feel old.

Oh, don't be soft. You're the same age.

I stood in a room

with 200 people I went to school with,

spent five years of my life with,

and no-one recognised me.

What do you think that means?

Did you go to the right reunion?

Thank you very much.

HE SIGHS

VACUUM CLEANER

I did in here yesterday.

Any chance of a cup of tea?

Kitchen floor's still wet.

Did you have a nice time, Mum?

It was all right.

Is she on your wedding photo?

She was. Maid of honour. Well spotted.

Never kept in touch?

She moved to London.

Loads of Botox.

Oh, yeah.

What?

And a boob job.

Are you sure?

How can you tell?

Mum, look at her.

I am. It looks like Ronnie McGuire.

-With a better cleavage than she had in 1968.

-Are you sure?

-By a cosmetic mile.

-I suppose she does look quite good.

Yeah, as opposed to her.

A nose job too far.

Now you're having me on.

No, that is definitely not the nose she was born with.

No, she's picked that one.

People like me don't get nose jobs.

Mum, where've you been for the last ten years?

Clearly not out enough.

So did you invite them all to your birthday party?

No, I did not!

I like to get to bed early on a Friday,

know what with having to work on a Saturday

but I'll have a big night out Saturday night,

get up about two o'clock on Sunday.

Knackered!

I'll have a massive breakfast.

I love a big breakfast, me.

But if I don't get my beauty sleep, I look about 60.

No offence.

Are you going anywhere nice on your holiday's this year?

I've just got back from Ibiza...

'It made me feel...like a nonentity. It made me feel old.

VOICES ECHO

'I stood in a room with 200 people I went to school with,

'I spent five years of my life with, and no-one recognised me.'

So my boyfriend got well jealous,

dumped my best mate and then tried to get back with me.

I was like I don't think so. Anyway...

Have you worked here long?

Long enough!

But I leave next week!

I've got a job on a cruise ship, I haven't told them yet.

Six months around the Caribbean and then the plan is

to go to New Zealand, or Dubai, I haven't made my mind up yet!

I mean what's the point of sticking round here

when I've got a chance to travel the world?

Have you ever been to the Caribbean?

STEELPANS PLAY

MUSIC: "Here Come The Girls" by Ernie K-Doe

# Here come the girls

# Girls, girls

# Girls, girls

# Here come the girls

# Girls, girls

# Girls, girls. #

It's Jean Matthews.

OK, Jean, can you smile for me, please?

And raise your eyebrows.

Are the plates warm?

Oh, I've not had a chance.

I'm eating them out of the paper, then.

Oh, you know I hate that.

I hate cold plates.

Shall we eat in here for a change?

The One Show's starting now.

I'm going to eat mine off a plate.

Like a civilised person!

They taste much nicer out of the paper.

Put this under them.

I don't want grease all over the place.

Thank you.

VOICES ON TELEVISION

Do you like Adrian Chiles?

You what?

Adrian Chiles. Do you like him?

I can take him or leave him.

Like everything.

Eh?

That's what you say about everything.

Take it or leave it.

It's a lovely bit of fish that.

Too much batter.

Have you had your hair done?

Yes. And?

New top?

Old top.

New shoes?

No.

Manicure!

No.

Gas mask?

I was joking!

Hiya, Jean. You look lovely, going somewhere special...

Thanks.

What's wrong, love?

Jean?

Nothing. I'm fine.

It's nothing. Really.

What's going on?

What's he been saying?

Absolutely nothing.

Yeah, well, something's happened.

Oh, you noticed that, did you?

Champagne?

Ten out of ten for observation this time.

I put your fish and chips in the oven.

And they can stay there.

I've decided to stay here and get drunk instead.

Right.

Shall I, er, shall I go and get us a film?

Do you think I'm going to sit and watch a film now?

Well, maybe not a comedy.

Just leave me to drink this.

You know, there is something different about you, that's for sure.

Have you had your chin plucked again?

Vintage.

You splashed out then?

I deserved a treat.

You'll be burping all night.

Oh, I'll soldier on.

And I'll soldier through.

It's Botox.

Is it serious?

Botox injections.

Botox? You?

Everyone does it.

Yeah, course they do.

Turns out half the people at my reunion had had it.

No wonder I was the only one who looked my age.

You look fine.

You didn't even notice!

Well to be honest, I don't know what it is, really.

You're not supposed to know. You're just supposed to notice.

Tom next door noticed.

You don't need anything else.

It's just fillers. I feel better.

It's not natural.

Neither is drinking ten cans of lager every Friday night.

Just because a few old birds at that party had their face fixed doesn't mean you have to.

So I have to stand there feeling old and insignificant?

No.

And I think you're beautiful.

I'm nearly 60.

It's not that old, same as Twiggy.

But people I went to school with don't recognise me.

My husband doesn't notice when I make an effort,

and I break down when the neighbour says I look nice.

I do not feel beautiful.

Oh, look get it done.

-Have them fillings if it'll make you feel better.

-Fillers.

-Get it done.

Do you mean it?

If it's what you want.

It is.

Right, now...

I suppose a quick one is out of the question.

Get in!

-Have you had Botox?

-Yeah!

Wow.

-You look great, Mum.

-Do you think?

-Yeah.

I must say, I can't really see it myself.

It makes me feel better.

I've got the invitations. Is 60 enough?

Erm... You better get some more. I'll give you the money.

Someone thinks they're popular.

I thought I might invite a few people from the reunion.

What, so you can compare face-lifts?

Oh, don't exaggerate, Nicola.

It's only a bit of Botox.

Now then...

Who's hungry?

Me!

She's lost it.

Oh, what, like we don't know that you've had your lips done.

Yeah, but she's an old woman. It's shameful.

It's about 700.

What?! £700?

For what I want done, yeah.

I've had holidays cost less than that.

-Don't be ridiculous.

-I'm not.

It's booked now.

Are you going to end up looking like someone else?

Anyone you fancy?

Oh, well, I've always quite liked Felicity Kendal.

Oh, I'm sorry, Felicity.

I'd love to but the wife's on her way.

# Oh, the good life

# Full of fun seems to be the ideal...

# Mmm, the good life

# Let's you hide all the sadness you feel... #

It looked lovely.

It was too tight.

-Do you want to go into town?

-I've already been. Three times last week.

Manchester?

Tried every shop in the Trafford Centre.

Chester?

Let's go home.

You've got plenty of dresses.

Do you need something new?

I'll just get one from Oxfam, shall I?

For my big party?

I'm joking!

It doesn't matter cos I can't find a thing I like.

Do you want me to come shopping with you? I need a new shirt anyway.

The last time we went shopping together we ducked into an Anderson shelter.

FOOTBALL ON TELEVISION

TURNS OFF TELEVISION

What's the matter?

Everything I put on looks wrong.

At, least...

I look wrong.

I can't believe you haven't tried every shop yet.

HE TURNS ON TELEVISION

There's a tiny procedure I was thinking of getting.

You what?

A tummy tuck.

At least a mini...a mini one.

Don't be soft.

It only costs a few thousand pounds.

Because you can't find a dress that fits? Behave.

I've had two kids and I've never got my figure back.

Do some sits ups.

-Says the couch potato.

-I'm happy the way I am.

-Loads of people are doing it.

-My mother's thinking of getting one.

-She'd have to be winched out of the house first.

-She's 85!

Stone.

And she can still get into a dress without resorting to surgery.

It's just a tiny tummy tuck. Think of it as a birthday present.

-I thought those filters were over the top...

-Fillers!

-Now messing around with your body?

-It's not as if we can't afford it.

-We can't!

-We can.

-Can't.

Absolutely not.

It's the last thing.

Who's this in aid of?

Me.

We're not spending money on a tummy tuck

so you can start wearing the same clothes as the girls.

-There's plenty in the rainy day...

-There isn't.

What?

-There's no money in it.

-There's thousands in there.

Not any more.

-Where's it gone?

-It's just gone.

-On what?!

It just goes, doesn't it? Inflation.

£5,000 does not just go on inflation. What have you done?

Nothing! You know a few hundred here on bits and bobs for the house.

Fillers for you! It goes, doesn't it?

You're lying.

There. It's gone.

I'd rather freeze in the spare room.

-You know this whole thing's your fault.

-Mine?

You're the one that made her go to that school reunion,

she's never been the same since. Chocolate?

-Yeah.

-I said cinnamon.

-You said chocolate.

-Cinnamon.

I didn't make her go. I just encouraged her to go.

-Have you had all the jelly babies?

-Yeah.

-For God's sake.

-Yeah well,

she never would have considered Botox or a tummy tuck until that night.

-Thanks.

-It's true. Those things are a nightmare,

everyone lined up, comparing themselves.

I had a great time at mine.

Mmm!

After three months' preparation...

You had your lips done, you got dressed up to the nines.

Yeah, flirting away to your hearts content.

No I wasn't!

Anyway I think it must be an age thing. 60's a big number.

You'd know, you're nearer to it than me.

I just think there's got to be more to it.

Why don't you just hold your hands up for once in your life and admit it?

It was your fault.

I know I'll regret this but you've got that smug look on your face

-like when you got a B+ for maths in school.

-It was A- actually.

-And I've been on the phone to Dad and I've given him the benefit of my womanly wiles.

-Which was?

Make love not war.

So you told the frog to kiss the princess?

I told him to be all romantic

and buy her a bottle of her favourite bubbly.

Vintage?

Of course! And then...

he's got to take her in his arms and say,

"This has gone on long enough."

-And you think that's going to work?

-Guaranteed.

DOOR SHUTS

Vintage. I pushed the boat out.

You must be feeling guilty.

Yeah, well,

this has gone on long enough.

What?

You did it, didn't you?! How?

Where did you get the money?

Credit card.

Afternoon!

Afternoon!

Are you just winding her up for a few hours?

No, I've walked out.

Dad, you don't walk out.

Even Mum doesn't walk out.

She's had major surgery in order to fit into a bloody dress.

I don't know the woman any more.

It wasn't major surgery. Do I look like I've had a major operation?

I think he's shocked.

He'll recover.

Mum let me do that. Here, sit down.

You do look a bit drawn.

Nothing that a bit of Botox won't cure.

Mum!

Can't afford it now.

And what Father Feck has spent that £5,000 on is beyond me.

Can you get gold-plated golf balls?

He hasn't said?

Nope.

My first thought was another woman...

Dad? No.

Exactly!

Only a mother could love that face.

You married him!

So... If it's not a bit on the side, he must be gambling.

What, the man who spends £2 max on the Grand National?

Well, where's the money gone?

Cos I've run out of ideas.

Is that why you had the op?

Because you've run out of ideas?

I'm not that spiteful.

CHILDREN SHOUT

Will you lot please be quiet!

I'm surprised Dad's still here.

Are you saying this isn't an oasis of calm?

Has he said anything?

Oh, yeah. I'm virtually his relationship counsellor(!)

Really?

No, Linds. The most I get out of him is pass the paper.

Got any white bread? This needs more salt.

I get the picture.

I expect Mum makes up for the both of them?

Not really.

Not even about the money?

Nope. As clueless as we are.

Any sign of a white flag?

None.

You don't think...

What?

You don't think that they're going to split up?

No!

No, you're right.

No, he'll be going home tomorrow.

Three nights! I mean what man walks out for three nights?

It's ridiculous.

It's pathetic. He's acting like a spoilt child.

He's fuming.

He's fuming?! I'm the one who should be fuming.

Yeah, well it's obvious you're both fuming.

Can't you just sort it?

I'm here. I'm ready to talk.

I'm not the one who's sulking in a corner.

Now, what does he want?

An apology?

Clothes-wise?

Oh, his brown trousers and a couple of pairs of undies.

A couple of pairs?

Is he going on a cruise?

Well you can tell him,

I'm not dragging the wheelie bin round the front on Tuesday

and if he thinks I'm going to water his plants...

Tuesday?!

Reading glasses?

Yeah, he's using mine.

What else?

A bit of sympathy?

Come on now, Daddy's girl, I bet you're milking him dry.

I'd rather he was back here.

I'd say so would I, but I'm enjoying the peace.

Can't you just come round and see him?

When he's free to come home? No.

Socks?

Three or four pairs...

God, he'll be there till Christmas.

Right, that's plenty.

-I'll talk to him.

-Hang on!

You'll need this.

He didn't ask for any cream...

Well, he wouldn't. It's for his piles.

RADIO: After this, Sally with the news and weather.

MUSIC ON RADIO

One thing, Dad!

One thing, you promised you'd sort the DJ. He's double booked now.

There'll be no DJ, no booze and no party at this rate!

Suits me, love.

LETTERBOX BANGS

So we're running out of options now.

How's Dad?

About to serve divorce papers.

I think Mum would happily agree to one.

I don't know who's worse.

Her or Mr Hard Done To.

I thought you were on Dad's side.

It's not about taking sides, Linds.

Course I'm on his side. I just don't want him living with me.

I think Mum's really upset on the sly.

She shouldn't be so thoughtless then.

He shouldn't be so stubborn. Or violent...

You what?

Well, apparently he punched Tom next door.

Dad?! Why?

He was nice to Mum.

I'm still really confused.

There's got to be more to it than that.

What? Mum and Tom?

Oh, come on...

I knew Dad wouldn't walk out for no reason.

He didn't.

May be he knows more than he's letting on.

And maybe you're overreacting.

As usual.

He hit someone!

Maybe he just really doesn't like Tom.

Actually, he's never been that keen.

Since the fence thing.

And Mum took his side.

Well, she was just winding Dad up, wasn't she?

So, what do you suggest?

Guilt trip.

You work on Mum.

No way.

It's always me.

I'll send Dad round to you, shall I?

Mum, it is then.

You bought it?

Early present.

It's too tight.

Just try it on.

What's that?

A bath, Dad.

Go on, take a deep breath.

You look stunning.

I do not.

It's perfect.

I'm not sure about the colour.

Are you kidding?

Or maybe...it's the cut.

What exactly was the point of that tummy tuck, Mum?

Well, I hope it was worth it,

because Dad's over there heartbroken, you know.

Bless you.

Oh, very, very nice.

Happy now?

I'm not sure.

What is it going to take?

It's not that simple.

Dad?

Dad?

Right! That's it.

I have enough stress without you adding to it.

Then keep your beak out then.

In case I find out what you've done with your life savings?

You were right about that sea-salt scrub. It's amazing.

Dad that was a present!

You're going to have to go home.

I hope my suit's clean.

Happy birthday to you, too!

I'm doing this for the girls.

Are you ready?

I won't ask you if my bum looks big in this.

Let's just get one thing straight before we go...

it wasn't me who walked out.

You went behind my back.

I lost all my trust.

I trusted you to look after the money.

What, so you could cut up your body?

It made me feel better.

Does it make you feel better now?

-Anything?

-Nothing.

They'll be here.

I knew I should have talked to Mum!

I was unhappy.

No, a few people at the party didn't recognise you, it bruised your ego.

This isn't about the reunion.

Everything was fine before then.

Was it? When every Saturday for months on end you're at the football?

Every Sunday you're out playing golf?

Our life savings have mysteriously disappeared. You call that fine?

-Why didn't you say something?

-I did.

I said I wanted a tummy tuck and you walked out.

No! You did it and then I walked out.

I thought we discussed things like that.

Oh, like we discuss your season ticket every year?

Really expensive golf clubs.

Let me think, did we discuss the fact that I had to cook and clean

and wipe everyone's backsides for over 30 years?!

What possessed you?

-What?

-You're 60. Just tell me what possessed you to get that operation?

Let's just go.

Oh, no, no, now is not the time to get shy.

We'll be late.

Why, Jean?

I felt old.

-You're not a teenager.

-I knew you'd understand.

No, I'm a realist. We're supposed to grow old together.

Doesn't mean I have to feel insignificant too.

-You don't feel insignificant.

-Stop telling me what I feel!

Either you're lying now or you made a good job of pretending you were happy for the 35 years.

I felt old! And fat

and ugly and invisible.

And now I feel pathetic.

Yeah well, I won't argue with that.

The last of the romantics.

-You

-were

-happy.

I never stopped to think about it.

With being tied to that kitchen sink forever.

Don't rewrite history.

I was Miss New Brighton.

-Joint third. What's that got to do...

-Joint third! As you always remind me.

-The point is I was different.

-I don't understand.

I was the girl that was going to go to exotic places. I was going to do something...

You had plenty in your life, you had your girls, your job...

The passport office for 30 years?

Two holidays a year, weekends away.

It wasn't a break for me, but it was OK.

It was more than OK!

It was not exactly what I had planned for my life when I left school.

I'm sorry we held you up from your high-flying career.

What was it, supermodel? Airline pilot?

Something like that. Anything a bit more glamorous than what I got.

-Glamorous?

-Yes, glamorous.

Different. Exciting. Take your pick.

-You thought an operation would make you feel glamorous?

-If you like, yeah.

I didn't think you were so naive.

And I didn't think you were a liar.

You what?

What have you done with the money?

Let's just go.

Who's shy now?

-So, you got her into dress that she liked?

-Yeah...

-And she was happy?

-Yes. It looked lovely.

But?

I got a film out.

Oh, I get it, three bags of popcorn and a giant box of chocolates?

And a tub of Ben and Jerry's.

It was a weepy!

You should have gone over and got ready with her.

So did you soft soap Dad?

He did that all by himself.

And about a year's worth of bubble bath and all of that posh body scrub you got me.

I'm surprised you didn't drown him.

I came very close.

What are the odds of them turning up?

Give us your phone.

Come on, let's go.

PHONE RINGS

That'll be the girls.

If you had gambled it away, you'd admit it. I'll give you that.

-It's just gone.

-It must be something you don't want to admit.

-No, it isn't!

-Another woman.

-You know it isn't.

You wouldn't kick off on her if she wanted a tummy tuck. Oh, no.

Are we going or not?

-Have you spent it on hotels?

-Jean!

-Or, diamonds. You bought your fancy woman diamonds?

-I'm going...

Oh, that would be funny.

-Buying jewellery. The man who hasn't got a romantic bone in his body.

-Leave it.

Have I got close now?

No! I was saving this for the party but since you asked!

Malta, same place as the honeymoon, only this time we're going five star.

What?

Yeah, and we've got a big room with a sea view and a balcony.

We can wander the streets hand in hand again.

Only this time we won't feel stupid.

And if we do feel stupid, we won't care.

No kids.

No in-laws.

Just me and you.

We can sneak off to that grove and make love.

And giggle about it for ages afterwards.

Or sit in cafes for hours just talking.

And if we don't want to to out...

..we can stay in.

That's why we've got the best room going.

If you want, we can stay in bed all day.

Order tea and chocolate from room service.

But whatever we do...

..it'll be romantic.

And it'll be glamorous.

And it'll be beautiful.

Like you.

I think you're beautiful, Jean.

I always have.

CHEERING

# Oh, the good life

# Full of fun, seems to be the ideal

# Mmm, the good life

# Let's you hide all the sadness you feel

# You won't really fall in love

# For you can't take the chance... #