Punter Moving On

INDISTINCT COMMENTARY

Um... £15 for new taps,

£25 to fit them. How's that grab you?

I priced those taps yesterday. £12.99.

OK, £13.00 for the taps.

-Sounds better. When?

-Er, this afternoon.

Um, well, I'll need cash for the taps upfront.

-I'll pay you for the lot when you've finished the job.

-I'm skint, mate.

A skint plumber. That'll be the day(!)

I'll just catch the plumbing merchants before lunch.

-I've got no change.

-I'll give you the change when I get back.

Which one's the tip? I've lost it.

Number four. He's coming through now.

You've not done it!

I didn't fancy it.

-You said it was a cert!

-I don't do tips.

Here you are, there's mine now. Come on, lad! Go on!

-Just push it a bit more!

-Go on!

-Don't count your chickens.

Go on, lad! Push it just a little bit more!

Go on, push it, push it! Yes!

Get in! Happy days!

-Thanks a lot, mate(!)

-You didn't have to do it.

How much?

Ta, love. £60.

Any chance?

I've been losing all day!

I'm desperate, mate. I need to get a pair of taps.

Billy, I'm not being funny,

but YOU are a bad risk with cash.

Cheers(!)

-Did you get the job?

-Labour. £25.

-Is that all?

-It's only a pair of taps.

-Where's my basin wrench?

-Maybe you flogged it for a bet.

We need leccy. We're on our last now.

Again? Are we supplying next door?

-Get £20 worth.

-That'll only leave me a fiver.

-Me?

-It's Wednesday.

-Leave the lottos, love. You never win.

-What about the tin?

-What tin?

-The rainy-day tin.

-There isn't one.

-I'll just get £10 of leccy.

-Don't you dare!

Lindsay's bringing her new boyfriend down on Friday.

-So?

-So, I'll be cooking.

-Well, can't we go to hers?

£20!

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Er, give us a minute, mate.

Solid, them. They'll last for years.

-Are you sure they're new?

-Of course.

-Have you got the receipt?

-Receipt?

-For the insurance.

It's a pair of knackered taps.

Er, you owe me £2.00.

I had to get a bus back, didn't I?

(Cowboys, all of you.)

Get in there!

Look, it's like Niagara Falls in here!

Two hours?!

-You're a plumber, aren't you?

-Yeah.

Shove your two hours! Right, plumber. Come on, in here.

-It's a leak.

-Go away(!)

OK, OK. Look, fix it and I'll give you £40 cash.

£50 on the fruit machine.

Just get it done, otherwise, I've got to close the shop. Yeah?

Cowboys, eh? Huh!

Argh! Come on, come on, come on!

Argh!

Argh!

-Argh!

-Oi, Billy!

He needs help, that guy.

Oh, thanks, love.

What's on the telly?

Oh! I've missed Deal Or No Deal.

-You did put the leccy in? Billy?

-I never had enough cash.

-You had £25.00!

-It was an old fella.

I didn't the heart to charge him full whack.

-I bet HIS lights are on!

-I only got a tenner.

I tried to make it back up in the bookies. Michelle, I did try!

-PHONE RINGS

-Ow!

Hello?

Yeah, no probs.

Number nine Ebony Road. Yeah, I'll be round first thing. Thanks.

Sorry.

I'm a walking catastrophe, me.

You off to work?

I'm pricing up a job in half an hour.

I could try and get some cash upfront for the leccy.

-I'll borrow it off me mum.

-We could have a chippy tea.

I'd better have me tea with her.

In case you stop at the bookies before the chippy.

I'll see you later, then.

Well, that went rather well(!)

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh. Hello.

Plumber. Billy.

Ah... Right on time.

-I keep hearing this banging noise.

-Have you got a pair of steps?

No. Haven't you got any in your van?

No van, love. Recession.

Oh, tell me about it!

We could try this. It's fairly sturdy.

Sounds good. Oh, I'll get that.

-Ooh! Sorry. There we go.

-SHE GIGGLES

-You OK?

-No problem.

-Shall I put the kettle on?

Ooh! Sounds good. Milk, three sugars.

On its way.

-Billy?

-Er, hang on a sec, June.

-Your tea's here.

-What?

Are you a chocolate man?

-What?

-Chocolate biscuits.

Er, yeah, yeah, fine. Whatever.

-Will you be long up there?

-Yeah. There's pipes everywhere.

I'll leave you to it, then.

You do that.

PHONE RINGS

-Now then, Billy?

-Dave, I'm in a loft.

I think I've found a bag of diamonds.

What are you talking about?

They're in a gym bag. I think they're real.

-They'll probably be paste.

-Paste?

Yeah. Kids play with them, women wear them, pretend they're real.

They look good, though.

Why don't you grab one? I'll have a look later.

-The woman's in the house.

-Well, did she let you up there?

I'm pricing a job, I'm not rooting around.

-How many's in the bag?

-About a dozen.

Go on, chance it.

-I don't know, mate.

-Grow a spine, will you, Billy?

-Billy, your tea's going cold!

-Yeah, OK. (I've got to go.)

Er, one minute, June.

Nearly finished.

-I've poured a fresh one.

-Oh, ta.

-Well, sit down.

-I'm a bit dirty.

That's how I like me men.

-Don't be letting your fella hear that.

-What fella?

Well, that's not your gym bag in the loft, is it?

Oh! Is that still up there?

No. My ex's.

Right.

Oh, don't worry. I haven't set eyes on him for nearly three years.

I'm glad to be rid.

So...how much?

Labour and materials, you're looking at...£200.

When can you start?

8:30 in t'morning.

OK. But make it 9:00.

I like me beauty sleep.

What d'you reckon?

-I know someone who can check it.

-What if it is real?

Have you any idea whose it is?

It's the woman's ex, I reckon. He's not been seen in three years.

-That's what makes me think it's fake.

-Yeah. You're probably right.

Mind you, you could be sitting on a gold mine.

Right, I'll call you.

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

Billy? We need money.

I'm starting a job in the morning.

How much? Tell me £700, I'll be happy.

-£180.

-You mean £200.

But you're keeping £20 for a bet.

I'm going to bed for a bit.

I love you.

Why do you think I put up with this? Eh?

Your excuses.

Your lies.

Lost wallets.

The race for the post every morning so you can't hide those red bills.

Billy, going to parties on my own because you want to play cards.

Or not going to parties because I can't afford it.

Living off me nerves. You know?

I love you, Billy.

Why do you think I'm still here?

PHONE RINGS

-Dave. What's happening?

-That diamond is real.

It's worth about a grand.

Grab the rest and I'll meet you in the bookies.

I can't take them all, Dave.

You're skint, aren't you?

-I don't want to get in too deep.

-Yeah, well, think again.

DOORBELL RINGS

-Your friendly plumber.

-Oh. Um...

-I'm sorry. I've had second thoughts.

-What do you mean?

It's a bit expensive. I might get another quote.

-£80.

-What?

-I'll, I'll do it for £80.

£60. You won't get better than that.

Please. I'm brassic.

Well... OK, if you're happy with that.

Oh, I am. I am.

I'll put the kettle on.

So, how many?

-I've got four.

-Only four?

It's five grand between us.

All right, then, three for you and two for me.

Sounds good.

Don't be telling anyone else about this.

When shall I ring you?

I'll be in touch.

I'm done, June.

-Oh, OK, Billy, love. £60, wasn't it?

-Yes, thanks.

-There you go.

-Cheers.

Oh, could you sign a card for me for the insurance?

-Yeah, sure. Have you got a pen?

-Um... Oh, here we are.

-Thanks.

-Oh, that's smashing.

-There you go.

-Thanks.

-And, eh, that's a drink for you.

-No! No, no.

-Come on, I insist.

You're skint, and you've been really good to me.

-With tea and coffee and that.

-I'm very grateful.

-Well, thank you.

-Now, I was making a cup of tea,

-or do you fancy a glass of wine?

-Er, OK.

It's OK. I won't have me wicked way with you.

INCOMING TEXT MESSAGE

It's the wife, June. I'd better get off.

-Oh. OK, Billy, love. Well...

-Thanks. Bye.

Go on!

Go on, you beauty! Go on!

Go on, lad!

Go on! Just, just a little bit more! Go ahead!

Go on! Go on!

Go on, just push it just a little bit! Go on! Go on!

I've got £50 on number six.

-Come on! Yes!

-Did you get it?

-Yes! Go on! Yes!

-Get in!

-Any cash?!

-16/1.

DOOR CLOSES

What is it, love?

I've never been so embarrassed in me life.

I felt like one of them asylum seekers.

What?

I was stood there, checking the bill.

£10 I had, right? And I worked it out. £9.88. I was sure.

Got it wrong, didn't I? Made a complete fool of myself.

There was these two kids sniggering, and this...

old fella shouting about me holding up the queue.

I was 32 pence short.

Honestly, Billy, I could've cried.

-It's not that bad.

-Yes, it is!

-I had to give something back.

-Back?

-Oh!

Peas.

A tin of peas.

Well, I'm never going back in that place again.

Yes, you are.

You can go in tomorrow and show them you've got plenty of money.

-Are you thick?

-No.

HE CHUCKLES

Here you are.

I got paid off.

Ebony Street, then a £10 double.

Go on. Five tonne.

Enough to get us straight.

-For how long?

-That'll do us for now.

Till you start losing again?

Can't I ever make you happy?

-Stop gambling, love!

-But we've won!

I hate it when you lose money, but I hate it even more when you win!

-What?

-The gambling just goes on and on, love!

Until everything that you win, you lose again!

Oh!

All right.

I'll pay the bills.

Otherwise, that's just going to go back in the bookies' pocket, isn't it?

Don't be worrying.

We'll be OK now.

-There you go.

-Cheers, mate.

Take it easy, lad. You've been laying it on a bit thick.

I've got it.

Don't attract attention to yourself.

I'm a plumber. I'm expected to be loaded.

INDISTINCT COMMENTARY

DOOR SLAMS SHUT Billy?

Billy?

Those are the ones I couldn't pay.

DOORBELL RINGS

-Hello.

-Hi, June. Check-up.

-What?

Conscientious. Came to check there's been no problems with the job.

-A check-up?

-Yep.

But it's been fine. No problems.

-I'd feel better if I could just give it a once-over.

-Oh.

-Well, you'd better come in, then.

-Nice one.

Come through to the living room.

-First time I've heard it called a check-up.

-Is it?

Does the wife know you're here?

Is that what you say to all your lady customers?

Only the gorgeous ones, eh?

Flatterer!

-Ssh!

-What?

-Tapping.

-Tapping?

-Up there. From your loft.

-Well, I can't hear anything.

-You've not got plumber's ears.

-Get away with you!

-Honest. I can hear a drip from 100 metres.

-You're imagining it.

-There it goes again.

You've got a leak in your loft. It's a good job I'm here, eh?

Don't want your ceiling caving in.

What's happening, Billy?

Er, you've got a faulty ball cock, love.

-It's on its last legs.

-That's all I need!

I'll get off now and get you a new one. Free of charge.

Oh! Thanks!

So, what's up?

I've got another four.

Oh, have you now? Good lad.

-How come?

-I'm brassic, mate.

-Already?

-Well, bills and all that, you know?

Yeah. So, how many's left?

-Three.

-For a rainy day?

Any chance of £50?

Cheers.

-Billy!

-Sorry, love.

So, what have you done?

I just wanted you to know I love you.

Doesn't make those bills go away, does it?

The thought's nice. Thanks.

I'm going to see the debt advisor tomorrow, if you want to come?

Smaller cut.

What?

-Two for you, one and a half for me. OK?

-It's got to be.

-That's the way the cookie crumbles.

-Is your contact having us off?

Do you want to ask him?

Let's just go with the flow, eh? We're quids in here.

Do you fancy anything in this one?

Thanks, love.

Cheers.

Argh!

There you go. Thank you, darling.

Thank you. Cheers.

Go on, son!

Yes! Yes! Go on!

All of it on there.

DOORBELL RINGS

-June.

-Yeah?

-Sorry about the other day.

-Did you get your ball cock?

-No, no. I got sidetracked.

-You turned me down, Billy.

-I had things on me mind.

-Yeah? Well, we've all got problems.

-Oh, give us a chance, June...

Dave? Um, card school. At ours tomorrow night.

Get the lads round. 8:00pm.

I've invited the lads round tonight.

-Thanks for telling me now(!)

-We've not been together for a while.

Just a little game of cards. Sorry, love.

I just remembered.

Why don't you go round to your mum's for a couple of hours?

-Are you trying to get rid of me?

-No.

-OK. 11:00, Billy. No later.

-Yeah, yeah. See you later.

-Up to you, Curley.

-Hang on. Give us a chance!

50 pence.

Go ahead, I'm in.

Fiver.

-That's a bit steep.

-A fiver.

-I thought the limit was a pound.

-I just upped it.

Oh, I'm out.

-You all jacking?

-Go on. Five.

-This was supposed to be a friendly game.

-Stop whining.

-It's not right.

-How many?

-One.

-Two for me, Monkey, lad.

And one for the dealer.

Ten.

-Come on, Billy.

-Leave him.

Look, we're mates.

The bet's ten quid.

I'll, er, I'll raise you ten.

I'm out.

Lend us £20.

-Not right, Bill.

-You trying to shaft us, Billy?

-Any objection?

-No, no.

-I don't like this.

-Get off, then.

-I think I will.

-Wait, will you?

-What's all this about, Bill?

-It's called cards.

Not the way we play.

£20.

-£20.

-You're not seeing me?

-Nope.

-Another £20.

-No.

-Go on, you'll get it back!

-It's up to you, mate.

What you got?

Two pair.

Yes! Gotcha! Ha!

Of kings. THEY LAUGH

-You said two pair.

-It was my little joke.

-THEY LAUGH

-Funny, aren't you?

So funny(!)

Funny, funny, funny!

HE HAMMERS ON DOOR

Listen, June, I know I treated you like dirt.

I just want to make it up to you. Please!

-I can't, Billy.

-I'm sorry, June. I'm sorry, love.

Billy!

Billy!

Billy, what are you doing? Oh!

Billy, please come down!

Please, Billy! Listen to me! Will you please come down?

Billy? Billy, there's nothing up there!

They've gone!

When did you find out?

I've known all along.

And you let me take them?

-We had to.

-We?

Me and me niece. Corrine, from the bookies.

Corrine?

I don't understand.

My ex, Cormack,

just got out of prison, and he's on his way here.

They're HIS diamonds.

So I'm giving you a warning.

Go.

Get away from here.

I'm sorry it had to be you, Billy, but...

I'm in too deep, and it had to be someone. There's no going back.

I'm not being funny, but YOU are a bad risk with cash.

Cheers(!)

We needed someone who was desperate.

A hopeless loser who'd gamble the shirt off his back.

We had to make sure we could get them in the loft for a day or two

to make sure they came across the diamonds.

Right. Plumber, come on, in here.

Number nine Ebony Road? I'll be round first thing.

-Plumber.

-Our Corrine thought you'd be desperate enough to walk right into it.

I don't get it.

There were more than 12 diamonds, Billy.

A lot more.

But we've taken the rest.

We left you just enough to hook you in.

I thought you would take them all in one go and, er...

when you didn't, me heart went out to you.

I had to make sure you were seen splashing your cash around.

I saw how desperate you were when you lowered your price to £60.

I just have to give Cormack your card,

and, um...

he'll think you've had the lot.

-He'll kill me.

-Not if he can't find you.

Dave? We're sunk.

We're dead.

Them diamonds we took, some fella called Cormack.

He's just got out of prison, and he's on his way here.

Dave! Dave!

That loft, number nine Ebony Road?

You know whose it was?! Crazy Cormack. He's off his head!

-What are we going to do?!

-What do you mean - we? You stole them.

-You sold them!

-I was only doing a service.

-Dave!

I'm off on holiday. Sorry, mate.

Billy?

What's wrong with you?

BANGING AT DOOR

There's three men...

BANGING AT DOOR

Billy? Who are they?!

I've something to tell you.

SCREAMING, THEN SHOUTING

After all the second chances I've given you.

You've sunk low before, but this is something else.

You know, our Lindsay always said...

She always said I was mad to put up with it.

I asked myself, what would be the final straw? What would it take?

What would it take for me to leave you?

Yeah, well, now I know.

Michelle?

Please.

I was 17. Er...

just started me apprenticeship in plumbing.

Who did they put me with? The biggest gambler in t'world.

Huh!

He asked me to go halves with him on a bet. I did.

We won £200 each.

I was hooked.

Four weeks' wages in three minutes. I thought it was easy.

And then you meet the girl of your dreams and you get married.

And you start lying to her.

That's when the heartache really starts.

Trying to raise a family on what you've got left in your pocket.

You beg, steal and borrow to make that bet.

But then...

you're not having the bet to come out a winner.

You're just trying to make the cash back you've already lost, you know?

And the more you lose, the more you have to gamble, you know?

Then you start looking for other ways to feed your addiction.

I, um...

Well, I stole.

Er...some diamonds, actually. Um...

For a while, I felt like a king, you know?

But this, this king turned out to be a court jester.

A couple of people saw the born loser in me

and I just walked straight into it.

But all the diamonds in the world wouldn't be enough for a gambler.

Heroin, cocaine, booze,

even a beat in your body can only take so much, but gambling...

..it's limitless, you know? There's no cut-off point.

And then, one day, you wake up...

..and you realise what the biggest gamble you've ever taken is.

It just hits you right in the stomach, you know?

Just turns and knotting and twisting inside you.

It's your home.

It's your family, you know?

It's your life.

And the realisation that there's,

there's no...bet on earth

could ever compensate for the thought of losing what's...

most precious to you.

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