Poetry of Silence Moving On

# Oh, yeah, they call me the recluse

# Cos I don't go outside for nothing

# No-one is gonna make me leave this room

# Oh, no, they can't tell me nothing

# No way

# You see I'm being a fool

# Yes, so I don't care about being cool

# What's it to you?

# If I just stay here in this hole that I boarded into

# Oh, yeah, they call me the recluse... #

Hey.

No blubbing, you. We don't want to embarrass the lad.

# ..No-one is gonna make me leave this room

# Oh, no, they can't tell me nothing

# No way

# You see, I ain't thinking clear

# Yes, so I dunno

# I'm feeling sorry for myself

# Who asked you to interfere?

# How would you really know

# What is or isn't good for my health?

# Why don't you leave me alone...? #

Distraction number one. Lucky dog.

# Get up out my soul

# Why can't you just let me

# Get through my time this way?

# Oh, yeah, they call me the recluse

# Cos I don't go outside for nothing... #

So, you're all set? You've got your money?

-Yeah. Yeah, that's everything.

-Right. Come on, then, give us a hug.

Aww!

# Can't tell me nothing

# They can't tell me nothing

# They can't tell me nothing

# Sitting here by myself, looking mad at myself

# Thinking I don't want to go out there

# I don't need no help looking after myself

# I've got everything I need right here

# I ain't trying to impress anyone

# In this cesspit jail I just don't care

# I ain't gotta smell fresh for no woman

# So I'm blessed not washing my skin or my hair

# They can call me a recluse, they ain't gonna remove

# Or cut me loose from this place, I'm locked in hiding. #

Oh, this is taking the mickey now. I'll leave him another message.

Let me call him this time. You'll just fly off the handle.

I don't work so he can lie in bed and go out on the town at night.

Who does he think he is, royalty?

PHONE RINGS

Have you seen Kieran? He's been gone ages.

No. But he was saying some weird stuff before, man. Well weird.

Kieran? Kieran, are you in there?

Look, why are you being like this again?

-Answer machine.

-Call him again.

Keep on calling till he answers. That'll sort him.

Kieran?

Kieran, open the door. You...

you're scaring me now.

Come on.

DANCE MUSIC BLARES

-Help me. There's something wrong. He's on the floor!

-Huh?

-You need to, you need to open the door!

-Kieran!

-No, you need to break it down! You need to break it down.

-Right.

PHONE RINGS

-Kieran, get up!

-Wake up! Wake up, man! Come on!

Um... Oh, George?

PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

Get him on his side!

It's his mum.

It...

-Kieran, come on!

-Shall we call an ambulance?

Shut that phone up! Move!

Hello?

Sorry. Um...

-love, is that you? Hello?

-What's going on?

I don't know. There's some girl. I can't hear what she's saying.

-Hello.

-Hiya. Yeah...

-Could you put Kieran Murphy on, please?

Sorry, I can't hear you. You're breaking up.

If he thinks he can party for the next three years, he's got another thing coming.

Come on. He'll settle down. It's only his second semester.

Too right, he will. Especially when I stop paying his rent.

So, what did they say?

Just if I can eat something and keep it down, then I can go.

But you'll have to speak to someone on campus. A counsellor.

I was hammered.

I had a migraine, forgot how many pills I'd taken, that's it.

Why were they asking all those questions?

Just procedure.

You should tell your parents.

There's nothing to tell.

-You have been stressing a lot.

-Just like everyone else.

-Yeah, well, you've missed loads of lectures.

-My mum worries.

All right? It's cool. Just leave it.

-Do you want me to call?

-No.

Just...promise me you won't say anything about this to anyone.

You promise?

Yeah. Yeah, I promise.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Hoping me phone was off so you'd get away with leaving a message?

Your mother's worried sick. What are you playing at, Kieran?

I'm sorry, Dad.

I'm sorry.

Are you often sad or irritable?

No.

-Have you lost interest in activities you used to enjoy?

-No.

Have you noticed any weight loss or weight gain?

No.

Changes in sleep pattern?

No.

Have any trouble making decisions or concentrating?

I'm not sure.

Not sure?

No.

Thought you were joking. You know, "Not sure."

Do you suffer from feelings of guilt?

Look, I've been getting out of it a bit too much lately.

Missed the occasional lecture.

It's fine.

-Doesn't make me a nutter.

-No-one's...

This is a waste of time.

Kieran.

Kieran!

Boots off before you go up them stairs.

Hiya.

Tried our Kieran again. Still no answer.

Oh, he rang me earlier.

Just after lunch. Lazy git!

-He rang you?

-Yeah. He was hoping to get away with leaving a message.

You didn't fall out, did you?

I told him what I thought.

-And?

-What could he say?

He knows he's been out of order.

So, everything all right with him?

Yeah. He apologised.

Did he manage to get that assignment finished?

I assume so.

He didn't say.

What about that girl? That, um...Amy.

-Is he still seeing her?

-He doesn't talk to me about stuff like that.

Well, what else did he say?

Look, I'm sorry, Dad.

I'm sorry.

John, what else did he say?

I can't remember word for word.

Did he say when he would call back?

Yeah, tomorrow.

He said he'd ring you tomorrow.

COUNSELLOR'S VOICE DISTORTED: 'Can you concentrate,

'remember things or make decisions?

'Do you suffer from a lack of energy?

'Inertia?

'Have you lost any weight? Gained any weight?

'Inertia. Have you lost any weight?

'Are you often restless? Gained any weight?

'Do you sometimes feel confused?

'Are you sure?

'Are you able to describe what you are feeling?

'Restless. Confused. 'How do, how do you feel?

'Kieran? Kieran?'

Kieran?

Look, if you're not into me, just say so and I'll go.

Promise you won't ever see or hear from me ever again.

-What?

-You!

You were miles away!

I'm sorry.

-You're so bony, lately.

-Yeah? Am I?

Yeah. I wish I was that bony.

No, you don't.

What were you thinking about before?

I need another extension on that assignment.

You could try lying.

"I was thinking about

"how beautiful you are, Amy."

Or, "Ooh, I was thinking about how you're the best girl

"I've ever been with in my whole entire life."

Something along those lines.

You are beautiful, Amy.

No lie. You're the most truthful thing I've got in my life.

I haven't even started the reading for that essay yet.

So start.

The book's already been lent out.

Yeah, it's because you never go to the library.

I'd better go.

Why?

RINGTONE SOUNDS

You know, if you want to... sort stuff out,

just stop moaning about it and do it.

Yeah. You're right. I'll get up early and make a start.

What did the counsellor say?

Nothing interesting.

Um, I'll see you later.

DOOR CLOSES

-Ta.

-Mwah!

-Don't slam the...

-DOOR SLAMS SHUT

..door.

Oops!

-BOTH:

-Phone!

ALARM BUZZES

KNOCK AT DOOR

Kieran?

If we want to go for breakfast before the lecture,

George said he'd give us a lift in.

You'd have to be ready to go in five, though.

Kieran?

He's already gone, George. He didn't even text me or anything.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

..Threw up everywhere!

(Go on, you idiot.

(Just go in, sit down. No-one will notice.

(Just do it.

(Do it.)

I don't understand why you didn't pick up on anything.

All right. We're on our way now, aren't we?

I'm just saying. If I'd have spoken to him...

Well, you didn't, I did!

This is what happens when you live the way he's been living.

Boozing every day.

God knows what else he's been taking.

-Don't say that.

-The state he was in, it wouldn't surprise me.

HORNS BLAST

I'm not taking drugs.

Just the booze that's destroying your brain cells, is it?

I've been stupid.

You're up to the limit with your overdraft.

Everybody is.

Have you been drinking?

Is he drinking every day?

What's he doing spending money he hasn't got on ale? Look at this.

Is that it - money problems?

Look!

Have you not been eating?

Same here.

Why didn't you say something? Where's the nearest supermarket?

It's around the corner.

Right, well. I'll get a big shop in when I've cleared this lot up.

How did he manage to get into this state?

-You can go now, Amy. I'll be fine.

-Fine, he says(!)

What's he spent his loan on, then?

-It's not that!

-I am still in the room, remember.

When was the last time you ate something?

He's always tired. I mean, he's really tired.

-And...he's been getting worse.

-Amy.

-Especially since...

-Don't.

-What are you talking about?

-Since...

-Shut up!

-Have you done any work this term?

-Kieran, stand up.

-Look at the state of this!

-You've lost weight, haven't you?

-Sorry.

-Just go.

What do you mean, you're sorry? I don't understand.

Mrs Murphy...I wanted to call you from the hospital.

-This is illegible.

-Wait a minute. Why were you in hospital?

This is taking the mickey, Kieran.

He said it was an accident, but I don't think it was.

You promised.

It was painkillers.

Oh, my God!

-You're not well, are you, sweetie?

-He won't talk. I've tried...

-Please, shut her up.

-..I'm scared it'll happen again.

-Please, Mum.

-Shut up, Amy.

Just go.

My poor boy.

My...poor, beautiful boy.

Do you want to come home, my love?

-RADIO:

-'With your partner.

'The best way to do it

'is with the slushiest soundtrack around.

'That's new late-night love with Dave.

'He's back tonight with love dedications

'and three hours of the best tunes to chill to.

'And you can leave a love message now if you wish.

'That's on 0870...'

STUDENTS CHATTER

(Go on, you idiot.)

(Open the door.

(Just go in.

(Sit down, no-one will notice.

(Just do it.

(Do it.)

Kieran, you all right?

BIRDS CROW OVERHEAD

HE SNIFFS

PHONE RINGS

Kieran?

Kieran?

Kieran, love?

You all right, mate?

We're here, we're home now.

You know that thing Amy was talking about, about the...pills and that.

I was just trying to get a few hours sleep...honest.

People don't realise, do they?

That exertion from physical work is one thing,

but mental exertion...

Could you eat a slice of toast, love?

Nah.

We should... I should have guessed.

It's a big thing, innit?

New city, different lifestyle.

If I'd have known...

We know now, that's what counts.

Yeah, exactly.

You're just a bit exhausted, aren't you, mate?

Half the problem solved when you know what you're dealing with, eh?

We'll get you sorted.

Yeah, I'll take you down the doctor first thing.

I'm not ten, Mum.

Dr Shah won't mind.

I'd rather just go on my own, please.

OK.

OK, son.

Hey, I don't know about anyone else but I'm done in after that journey.

Talk more in the morning, yeah?

He's been up and down them stairs.

He didn't say two words in the car.

Well, he slept most of the way.

(He didn't.)

Sshh.

(He'll settle down now.)

Do you believe what he said about the tablets?

Our Kieran has got too much going for him to...

I'll have to ring the girls in the morning.

(No, don't!)

They'll be on the next train with the kids.

He's home to rest, isn't he?

They'd want to know, wouldn't they?

There's no point worrying them, is there?

SOBBING

(Oh, God, listen!)

(No, leave him!)

He's crying, John.

Leave him. It's better out than in.

I can't stand this.

(Come on.)

(Oh!)

He's a man, he's entitled to his privacy.

He'll be back at uni in a week or two, sorted.

HE SOBS

Are you sure it's not a virus like glandular fever or something?

Why are you so against taking antidepressants?

Cos I want to feel more, not less.

They're only a temporary measure.

Did you talk to anyone at university?

Yeah.

Did it help?

If I had a good night's sleep I'd feel better.

Can't you just...

give me some sleeping tablets or something?

Honestly, I'm just tired.

We need to get your mood stabilised.

Nobody can make you do anything you don't want to

but...

these will help,

in the first instance.

And in the second instance?

I'll see you in two weeks.

Come back before if you need to.

Thank you.

I could have got the bus.

No worries, mate, how did you get on?

Yeah, she just thinks it's a... a post-viral thing.

Did you tell her you've not been sleeping and you've lost weight?

Yeah.

Did you tell her you ended up in hospital?

Yeah. I've got to rest up and go back in two weeks.

I wish you'd have let me come in with you.

# It's such a tired game

# Will it ever stop?

# How will this all play out?

# Upside out of my mouth

# By now we should know how to communicate

# Instead of coming to blows

# We're on a roll... #

LAPTOP BLEEPS

You all right?

Yeah. I just thought I'd, you know, call, see how you're doing.

Yeah, fine.

What about your parents, how are they?

Worried now. Unfortunately.

George and Tash send their love. And Ryan says hello.

Bet they think I'm a right nut job.

Look, Kieran...

I'm sorry if you think I broke a confidence.

You did.

But it was hard being around you and...worrying about you.

Well, you're not around me now, are you?

I don't think we should be having this conversation now.

I only rang to check you were OK.

I wish you'd never said anything.

I know what it'll be like here with Mum and Dad.

You've made things a lot worse.

That's not fair.

-I thought I could be honest with you and trust you.

-You can trust me.

But I'm sorry you feel that way.

If you don't think breaking your promise was wrong, why apologise?

-TV BLARES

-'Why not?'

-'Get down here.'

-'Why not?!'

-'That's why.'

I'm meeting Billy and the lads in the Railway, if you fancy it?

I'm all right, thanks.

There'll be a card school on the go later if you change your mind.

I'm just watching this.

That should cheer you up(!)

This is doing me head in.

I know he's got to rest

but if he's not lying around listening to miserable music

-he's walking around with a face like a...

-John.

What's that?

It's a prescription for our Kieran.

For what?

Antidepressants.

Why did she prescribe these, then?

I don't know, but I don't need 'em.

They do seem to hand 'em out like Smarties.

What do you think is wrong with you, Kieran?

Just too many late nights,

trying to catch up,

like Dad says.

If you are feeling depressed, maybe these pills, they can help.

I've researched - side effects are horrific.

-I'm not taking them.

-Research?

Yeah, online.

I spent ages going through it all.

If you'd put your energy into studying

-things wouldn't have piled up and we wouldn't be having this chat!

-John!

-It's easy to let things slide, that's all!

-Exactly!

-Maybe I'm just not cut out for uni.

-Don't be ridiculous!

That's it, I'm going to talk to the doctor.

About what?

Did you intend to kill yourself?

For goodness sake, Ann!

Have you been having suicidal thoughts?

What? He's just a bit down, that's all.

I was drunk with a headache, and forgot how many pills I'd taken.

You're worse than the doctor, Ann.

You need to tell us, Kieran!

There's nothing to tell!

If there was something to tell, I would tell you, all right?

Great(!)

Handled that well(!)

He has to help himself, that's all I was trying to say.

And you shouldn't be putting all that suicide rubbish into his head!

'Doctor, I need to know'

what's going on, seriously.

I can't talk to John

and Kieran's saying nothing,

I'm on my own with this...

I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry, and I can't really discuss Kieran's case with you.

Really?

There's a... volunteer counselling service.

I think there's some leaflets in reception.

ANN SIGHS

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Tea's up!

Ah, cheers.

You should put some of this in the loft.

No, just get rid of it, it's just tat.

Not to me it's not! I've kept all our Becky and Leanne's stuff.

I went up to Manchester today, with a few of the lads.

Great!

-We got tickets to see Leonard Cohen.

-That's good.

Have you heard from Amy?

She's a lovely girl, isn't she?

Yeah. Yeah, she is.

Oh...

Your grandad was so proud of you!

We should have kept on top of the allotment.

He'd go mad if he could see it now!

Look, Mum.

I'm not sure I'm going to go back to uni.

Well, there's not much of the term left, anyway.

I mean at all. Ever.

Wow.

That's a big decision.

I know me dad will be disappointed, but...

Do you know, when you were a little boy,

I'd come in here sometimes, just to smell ya.

SHE INHALES

I'd think...

"They should bottle that!"

Eau de cologne of sleeping boy.

What is it?

Kieran, what is it that's hurting you?

I don't know. Me.

Can you just stop it? Just stop, please, just stop it?

I'm trying.

TRAIN HORN BLASTS

HORN HOOTS

Oi, mate?

You have to be careful there, mate,

there's a train coming!

You all right?

Yeah. Have you eaten?

Yeah, me mam made us beans on toast.

Is she all right?

Yep.

Our Kieran met up with some of his uni mates today.

Yeah?

Listen, did you mention to your mum that Kieran was a bit depressed?

I told her he had a virus.

There's no point worrying her, is there?

She'll worry if he has a virus, won't she?

Why won't you talk

about our son's mental illness?

"Mental illness". No getting away from it, is there?

What does that mean?

Forget it.

Look, John, we have to talk about it.

It's not a shameful thing.

I'm sick of talking about "it".

Running round after him all the time isn't helping either.

If he had a cold or something...

Getting over a cold takes effort, but you've seen the state of him, it's feeding it.

Maybe that has got something to do with it.

What, the miserable music he listens to on a bloody loop?

Oh, sorry,

he's not into Status Quo(!)

Lying on this couch, watching foreign films,

all pale and delicate.

He's only short of a persistent cough

and he'd be back in the 19th century.

There is absolutely no comparison

between any of the music that I listen to

and Status Quo.

I mean that!

# The dog days are over

# The dog days are done

# The horses are coming

# So you better run... #

Oh, what are you doing?!

-Every single time!

-Every Time!

-It's not even funny any more.

-Oh, come on!

-Take him off.

# ..Leave all your love and your longing behind

# You can't carry it with you if you want to survive

# The dog days are over

# The dog days are done

# Can you hear the horses

# Cos here they come. #

'Oh, hello, love! Kieran? Look who's here!'

Oh, let me show you what I've done for you.

She's a nice kid, isn't she?

No airs or graces there...

considering she's posh!

She's just got a different accent.

You know what I mean.

I've photocopied the essay questions.

There's some interesting ones and a couple of duffers,

so just ignore those.

Oh, and there's a new timetable in there for tutorials.

The best ones have gone. There's only ridiculous o'clock times left!

That'll give him something to get his teeth into next term, eh?

Is there anything I can do?

No, no, you're all right, stay there.

Really, I'd love to help.

Erm, OK...

You can help sort out my recycling, if you like?

Moneymaking game, more like.

Oh, he's the most cynical person I've ever met.

It's obviously a dad thing.

Hey!

My mum rang on Thursday, just after you rang.

-And my dad's only gone and...

-You rang her?

Look, love...

Before you go off on one...

Spur of the moment!

I was going to come anyway.

Yeah, right.

I just thought it would be nice to get you together.

This is making me feel great(!)

Amy went to a lot of trouble...

Cos you asked her to!

Let's just talk sensibly.

No-one talks in this house.

When your mum rang, I'd...

Stop interfering in my life, OK?

We're just trying to help, all of us.

Thanks, Amy. Safe journey home.

Oi! Don't talk to guests like that in my house!

Yeah, your guest!

Hang on, you!

I'm sorry, love.

KIERAN AND JOHN ARGUE

-I'd better go.

-No, not like this.

I'd like my coat, please.

Yes, of course.

KIERAN: 'Stop treating me like a kid.'

-JOHN:

-'Act like a man. You've got everything going for you.'

'I'm sick of biting me tongue watching your mum fret.'

'I'll get out of your face then.'

'At least that'd be one thing you've done in the last few weeks.'

Kieran?

Hi, Amy, it's Ann here.

If you hear from our Kieran, could you let us know, please?

Hi, Mum, it's me. Our Kieran isn't there, is he?

Hello, it's Kieran Murphy's mum here,

I got your number from his mobile.

Hiya, it's Kieran Murphy's dad.

I was wondering if you'd heard from him at all?

'Did you intend to kill yourself? Did you have suicidal thoughts?'

'He's just a bit down, that's all!'

'There's nothing to tell!'

'You've got everything going for you.'

'It's my life!'

'Well live it then!

'You think being a bit sad

'gives you the right to behave like an ignorant pig?!'

'Stop treating me like a kid!'

'Then act like a man!'

Lying in the dark, pretending not to hear him cry.

Pretending to your mum everything's OK.

We talk about everything else but what we should be saying...

So it's my fault, is it?

Oh, God. Not just you.

It's me, our Kieran.

Just all this pretending, keeping things hidden.

It's not good, John.

It's not good.

We do the best we can.

That's all that can be expected of any of us.

Where are you going?

Fishing. It's a beautiful sky, I want to make the most of it.

SWANS SQUAWK

SWANS SQUAWK

You all right, Mum?

If you think going missing and then turning up

-as if nothing's happened will make everything all right...

-I don't.

I'm sorry I worried you.

I went to the allotment.

Have you spoke to your mum?

Yeah.

I've never told anyone this.

Do you know why I started fishing?

Why I come whenever I can?

Because...

I needed to find something.

It was a struggle so I had to look hard...

..but I needed to find something that made sense of me.

In the world.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Everything I've ever learned, I've learned from a book.

People are basically the same, Kieran.

We just...do things differently.

Look, Dad, I can't go back to uni. Not at the moment.

I need to...talk to someone about it all, sort things out.

If that's what you have to do, that's what you do,

but you've got to do it, Kieran.

You should have seen the colour...

-No, colour's not the word.

-The quality?

Yeah, that's the one.

The quality of the light, over there, first thing.

Took your breath away.

Any luck?

Ah, you can't rush these things. It takes the time it takes.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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