Two Fat Ladies Moving On


Two Fat Ladies

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LineFromTo

-I've left my bra off.

-You haven't?

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Flaming well have!

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I weighed it. Four-and-a-half ounces.

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THEY LAUGH

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MUSIC: Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen

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# O-o-oh

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# Down beside your red fire light

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# O-o-oh

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# And you give it all you got

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# Fat-bottomed girls you make the rocking world go round

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# Fat-bottomed girls you make the rocking world go round. #

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-Well?

-Pound off. You?

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Pound on.

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Karen Bannister's 50th.

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Indian buffet. What did I tell you?

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Curry is the Devil's work.

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SHE LAUGHS

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Seven poppadoms and a mini onion bhaji.

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My own fault. Went in with my eyes open.

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Knew there'd be a price to pay.

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I tell you what, let's split it, half a pound each.

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Could you try for a stone?

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Not staying for the class?

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-Er...

-No.

-..cos we're going to aerobic...

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-Kick boxing.

-Kick boxing, yeah, sorry.

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So I said to our Linds,

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-"If you want block-paved drive then you get one."

-Too right.

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She's just had a promotion, hasn't she?

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Oh, come on. We won't get a table if they don't get a move on.

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I said, "All them qualifications, why not?"

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-And he's just had a big interview.

-Maz?

-Hmm.

-Another one?

-Hmm.

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-Area manager.

-Won't be long before he's regional.

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-Hiya, Mary, everything twice, please.

-Oh, is it me?

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-No, you paid for Bulge Busters.

-Yeah. Thank you.

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Erm, that one.

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I said, "Linds, I know you want to go to Miami, but what's that?

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"All that money blown in two weeks?"

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Now a block-paved drive, that's for life, isn't it? It's an investment.

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Four-bed semi at their age? Can't take your eye off the ball now.

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All the ones, legs 11.

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Two little ducks, 22.

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Old age pension, 65.

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All the fours, 44.

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-On its own, Kelly's eye...

-House!

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We got a claim on the last number, ladies and gentlemen.

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Please wait for the check.

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Ooh, Brewster's Millions! 48 quid.

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£48.50 if you don't mind.

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24.25.

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-Pleasure doing business with you.

-Likewise.

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I'll postpone the yacht.

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Your Linds will be buying one soon enough.

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Now you can put your share towards my Vesuvius Deluxe 3000.

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Oh, not this again. He won't shut up about it.

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-What is it?

-Stupid fire pit.

-It's a work of art, that.

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-900 quid?

-It's worth it.

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It would be if it had four tyres and a steering wheel.

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-Cost you a fortune in logs.

-You've got to live a bit, Geoff.

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-Why do you want one of them?

-The summer. All year round.

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-Barbecues in December.

-And it goes in the ground?

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Set fire to your decking.

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Anyway, dreamer, won't be having it this year.

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Not if we're going to Los Cristianos again.

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I'll put the brochures through your door.

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Ooh, I'll have a look this weekend.

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Second week of September when the schools are back.

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You two might be ready to dare to bare in your bikinis by then.

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-Now, steady on, they've only got a clear eight months.

-Oy!

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Cheeky things!

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Don't fancy you in your budgie smugglers.

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It's all muscle, that, love.

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Are you seriously saying you haven't seen women's heads turning

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when they see me and Geoff on the beach?

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-LANDLORD:

-Time, please.

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I've seen a few stomachs turning!

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THEY LAUGH

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Anyway, here's to good times and good friends.

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-Good times.

-Good times.

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Right, my little Shih Tzu, you going to treat me

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out of your winnings on the way home?

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-Slap-up meal somewhere fancy?

-You bet.

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Hey, ladies, do you want a bite of my sausage?

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You're not funny, Darren.

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That's about 19 million points on Bulge Busters.

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Ooh, watch them.

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They're hungry and when they're hungry, they're dangerous!

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Come on. Night-night. See you tomorrow.

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-Night.

-Good night.

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-Night, Jonboy.

-Night.

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For tonight's super-duper prize pot,

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with a total pay-out of more than £41,000...

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Don't know why I've stayed the same.

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I only had two boiled eggs all day Tuesday.

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Oh, Cowface is at our table.

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Please make sure you have the Jackpot Jamboree flyer

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for tonight's super-duper prize pot...

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Oh, there's one over there.

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..with a total pay-out of over £41,000.

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-Never know, might change our luck.

-Yeah.

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About time, Janice. Thought you weren't coming.

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Been the hairdressers, love?

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Was it shut?

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I'm only joking with you.

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HE CHUCKLES

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MUSIC: Precious Time by The Maccabees

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# Let's take our precious time about it

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# Let's take our precious time

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# About it

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# Let's take our precious time

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# About it. #

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Duck on its own, number two.

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One and eight, 18.

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Key to the door, 21.

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Heinz varieties, 57.

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Seven and six, 76.

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Six and two, 62.

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Top of the shop, blind 90.

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Three and eight, 38.

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Unlucky for some, one and three, 13.

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Four and one, 41.

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Two fat ladies...

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SHE SCREAMS

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Jackpot called

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on all the eights, 88.

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-Whoo!

-Yes!

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APPLAUSE

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And your final question.

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Lulu scored her only number one hit with which boyband

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back in the autumn on 1993?

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You happy with that?

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Right then, if all the teams can swap sheets,

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I'll be back in about half an hour with your answers.

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-What?

-It's your round.

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Is it? I got the last one.

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No, that was me. Keith got the one before and Geoff got the first one.

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Oh, yeah, of course he did.

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What's he like?

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PHONE BEEPS

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Wheel Of Fortune.

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HE GROANS

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Here goes - "The dog ate my wallet."

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You seen this?

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-Bubbly.

-Thank you.

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Blimey, you getting the ale in?

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They say money don't change you!

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Kath, that's not a real cheque, is it? What we going to do with it?

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That? No, it's just a souvenir.

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So when does the wonga land?

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Well, the manager took my bank details

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and they're going to put it in my account in the morning!

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23,000 nicker, what we can do with that.

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The timing is purely coincidental in that you're now

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a woman of substantial means,

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but I just want it to be known that I've always fancied you, Deborah.

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LAUGHTER

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Yeah, we need to make a list, Kath.

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You know, not just fritter it away.

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This could be a game-changer for us.

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First up, we top up the ISA.

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You've got to have a bit of mad money, though, haven't you?

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-A bit of a blast.

-Don't be wasting it all.

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Keith needs sponsorship for his breast reduction.

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LAUGHTER

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Hey, now the four of us should go away, a weekend living it up.

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-Amsterdam.

-Vegas.

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Why not? We're rolling in it.

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Viva Las Wages!

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We're rolling in it? Heard this, Kath?

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All those times laughing at us about going bingo

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-saying what a waste of time and now...

-Hey, come on.

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Don't be like that.

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Me and Geoff have always been very supportive of your

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-gambling addiction, haven't we?

-What's that?

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I was just saying the girls with the bingo, we've always backed them

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and now we're all getting a slice of the big time.

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I mean, you are splitting it, aren't you?

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-Right, come on, get this down you.

-What do you mean by that?

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-Come on.

-I'm going as fast as I can.

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Here's to all the eights.

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-ALL:

-All the eights!

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-Stupid shoes.

-Treat yourself to a few new pairs now, love.

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I'm loaded. I can afford new feet.

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What about the other fella?

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-Who?

-Mingebag over the road.

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I mean, "You are splitting it, aren't you?"

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I tell you what, Kath, if the boot was on the other foot...

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Oh, don't be like that. Don't let him wind you up.

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-You're supposed to be mates.

-Oh, you know he's got a streak in him.

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Still owes us 25 quid for Tony Kennedy's retirement do.

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All right letting us get 50 quid's worth of B&Q vouchers

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and putting their name on the bottom of the card, weren't they?

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-And that was last September.

-Oh, shush.

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And, who picked up the tab in that tapas place, Trough of Bowland,

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-Easter Monday?

-Well, he was going to pay you back.

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-There wasn't a cash machine for miles.

-Well, I'm still waiting.

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Geoff...

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..enjoy the moment.

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We haven't had this much money in our entire lives.

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I'm just saying, why would he say something like that?

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That smells nice.

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Well?

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I'm going over there right now.

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Don't be ridiculous.

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Keeping us dangling like this?

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We only won Thursday, paid on Friday. It's only Monday now.

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What they playing at?

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Bank's all instant these days with the internet.

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What do you want me to do,

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put a balaclava on and burst through their front window?

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This is him, this is, scheming, plotting.

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-Don't do me any potatoes.

-Power. Loves it.

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On his little throne sitting there all North Korea

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doing his stupid mind games.

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello, stranger.

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You making your shopping list?

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Yeah, ours too.

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When?

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Tomorrow? Ooh, lovely.

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Half seven?

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Yeah, sure.

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See you, then. Don't look rich.

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What?

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Yeah, baby, give us a kiss.

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-No, get off. What did she say?

-No honey, no money.

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Pack it in. Get off. What did she say?

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That Jade Palace thingy place they like, half seven for eight.

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They're going to give us some money.

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Celebrate. Make a night of it, so we can start enjoying ourselves now.

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That's a weight off. You just worry, don't you?

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People turn and you start imagining all kinds.

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Darren, they're our best friends. They're sharing the money.

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There was never an issue only in your imagination.

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Oh, if people only knew Darren Gary Heathcote, the dark side!

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I know, I know, I worry about everything. I'm sorry.

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I'll just be relieved when it's all sitting there nice

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and safe in my bank account.

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-OUR bank account.

-Our bank account.

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This calls for wine.

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Want a glass?

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Chinese?

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I hate Chinese.

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-Ooh!

-Here we go.

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Lovely.

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-WAITRESS:

-Enjoy.

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Do jeh, Mrs Tang.

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We're learning the language.

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Eh, did I tell you,

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our Lindsay is thinking of going to Shanghai for New Year!

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-Yeah.

-Well, 15 courses yet. Get stuck in.

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I'll have a prawn. I know where I am with a prawn.

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-Now what about a horse?

-Just finish your prawns first.

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No, no, no, I've looked into it.

0:12:130:12:14

The four of us, we could go into a syndicate.

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-What, leg each?

-A leg between us.

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What do you think?

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Days at the races. Passes to the Owners' Enclosure.

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You watch your mouth. This is a family show.

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THEY LAUGH

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Well, anyway, the reason we're all here tonight.

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Ta-dah!

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The moment we've all been waiting for.

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Drum roll, maestro, if you please.

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I went this morning. It's a banker's draft. You can put it straight in.

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-Oh, thanks, Kath.

-I know it's not EuroMillions,

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but it's just nice to have a cushion, isn't it?

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Too right. A bit of bonce in the bank.

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Yeah, treat yourself every now and again.

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Don't have to worry about a rainy day.

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Come on, let's have a look. I want to count all the noughts.

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Is there a mistake?

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What's this?

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You having a laugh?

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Six grand, Darren.

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Halves. We always go halves, Kath.

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This is different, Debs, you know that.

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Different? Why?

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Why is it different?

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Every single time we've had a win we always split 50-50.

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Yeah, a few quid here and there.

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What, so now it's big bucks all the rules have changed?

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-Oh, surprise surprise.

-Was this your idea?

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We talked about it all weekend...

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I bet you did.

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..and WE thought this was a very generous offer.

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An offer?

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This is a joke, Kath.

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I'm entitled to half that money, you know that.

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You see, that word "entitled".

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-23,000.

-119 quid.

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Well, I don't know anyone else in the world whose friends would

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take them out for a lovely meal...

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What, a £13.50 all-you-can-eat buffet?

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..and throw a gift of £6,000 back in their faces.

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I'm asking you again, Kath. You're not sharing the money.

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Not properly.

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This is wrong. You must know that.

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Of course they do. Look at their faces.

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11 years we've been going that bingo.

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Even when one of us was on holiday we always split any winnings.

0:14:190:14:23

-Kath?

-What, you keep the nice round 40,000 and fob us off

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with a few lousy quid?

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We thought it was a nice amount. We thought you'd be pleased.

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Kath, just tell me again.

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Is this for real, cos I can't believe you'd try and do that?

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Debs, I must say I'm very surprised by this attitude, I really am.

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Wind your neck in, Geoff!

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Kath!

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That's it.

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What are you doing?

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Well, that's charming behaviour, I must say!

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Fine friends you are. You've not heard the last of this!

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And I want my strimmer back!

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-She stood at that bar.

-Bold as brass.

-Champagne flowing.

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Yeah, that I paid for.

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Never once said, "By the way, what do you think you're doing?"

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Yeah, exactly.

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"Why you celebrating? Do you think this is something to do with you?"

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Biggest win we've ever had. I can't believe it.

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I never saw that coming.

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-Why? Why act like this?

-Greed.

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What other explanation is there?

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So where do we go from here?

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How can we still be friends?

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We can't.

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WHISPERS: Darren, you awake?

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I am now.

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I can't get it out of my mind.

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It's churning over and over.

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They think they can get away with this? I'm not going to let it go.

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They'll get the fight of their lives, don't you worry about that.

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-What do you mean?

-There was an agreement.

-There wasn't.

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-Why are we whispering?

-There WAS in theory.

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A verbal understanding. A moral obligation.

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I'm telling you,

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they're going to have to hand over what's rightfully ours.

0:16:420:16:44

Well, they obviously don't think they owe us anything.

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-How are we going to force them?

-It doesn't matter.

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Half that money's yours, fair and square.

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It's useless. It's not like we signed a contract.

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Look, you've been going to that bingo every Thursday night

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for donkey's years.

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We can get 100 witnesses.

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Every win was split right down the middle.

0:17:040:17:07

-Well, it isn't now.

-Exactly.

0:17:070:17:11

Suddenly all the rules have changed, but you had a precedent.

0:17:110:17:15

Each win split fair and square.

0:17:150:17:17

It was like that from the very beginning.

0:17:170:17:20

Equal partners.

0:17:200:17:22

HE SIGHS

0:17:230:17:25

We need legal advice.

0:17:250:17:28

It's quarter past four. Where you going?

0:17:300:17:33

To Google.

0:17:330:17:35

Hey-hey-hey, and a hole for your drink!

0:17:350:17:38

They thought of everything.

0:17:380:17:40

I just didn't expect them to react like that.

0:17:430:17:45

They made a right show of us in front of Mrs Tang.

0:17:450:17:48

Here you are, there's a holder for the remote.

0:17:480:17:51

Her face. I have never seen her that mad.

0:17:510:17:54

It just shows you, money brings out the worst in people.

0:17:540:17:57

They've shown their true colours now.

0:17:570:17:59

They'll Scotchgard it for an extra 50 quid.

0:17:590:18:01

Maybe we could give them a little bit more?

0:18:030:18:05

Round it up to ten? Well, that's a nice amount, isn't it?

0:18:050:18:08

She could get her kitchen done. She's always saying about that.

0:18:080:18:11

After that behaviour?

0:18:110:18:13

Has she called to apologise? Even a lousy text?

0:18:130:18:16

If they were true friends, they'd have been over the moon for us,

0:18:160:18:20

not grasping for every penny they could get.

0:18:200:18:22

But...it's sort of our thing, me and her.

0:18:240:18:27

-We've been going for years.

-How many times? It's like we said.

0:18:270:18:32

If Keith at the quiz plays the fruit machine and wins a tenner,

0:18:320:18:35

does he have to give me a fiver just cos I'm standing next to him?

0:18:350:18:38

You need to get this straight in your head.

0:18:400:18:42

Stop letting them make you feel guilty.

0:18:420:18:45

We've done absolutely nothing wrong.

0:18:450:18:47

They're the ones out of order, not us.

0:18:470:18:50

-What?

-Just...

0:19:040:19:07

I mean, is this the right thing to do, going all legal?

0:19:070:19:10

We need to know where we stand.

0:19:100:19:12

What if it goes to court or something

0:19:120:19:14

and our faces end up all over the papers?

0:19:140:19:16

We're just asking for advice, that's all.

0:19:160:19:19

Hey, and talk fast. The first 15 minutes are free.

0:19:190:19:22

So, for the past 11 years,

0:19:240:19:26

there's never been an opportunity for you to keep your own winnings?

0:19:260:19:28

-You've always split it 50-50 with Mrs Cooper?

-Yeah, to the last penny.

0:19:280:19:33

-And she with you?

-Yes, everything.

0:19:330:19:36

Never once thought to keep it for yourself, did you, love?

0:19:360:19:39

Not like that, are you?

0:19:390:19:40

She's always been very generous. Too generous at times.

0:19:400:19:43

I've always said, haven't I, love? You want to watch that.

0:19:430:19:46

People will think you're soft and take advantage.

0:19:460:19:49

-Mistake kindness for weakness.

-Darren.

0:19:490:19:52

So what do you think, Miss Samfield? Do you reckon we've got a case?

0:19:520:19:55

I think you need to be aware that there's no legal undertaking

0:19:550:19:58

for Mrs Cooper to share her winnings,

0:19:580:20:00

but obviously with your history, there's a certain moral obligation.

0:20:000:20:05

I said that, didn't I?

0:20:050:20:07

What did I say? Those exact words.

0:20:070:20:09

So do you think a jury would find her guilty?

0:20:090:20:11

Well, no, it would be a civil hearing

0:20:110:20:14

and the judge would probably find it in your wife's favour.

0:20:140:20:17

But, to be honest with you, with the amount of money that's involved,

0:20:190:20:22

once you take legal costs into consideration, court time,

0:20:220:20:26

-barristers' fees...

-There'd be nothing left.

0:20:260:20:29

So what do we do?

0:20:320:20:34

You said that Mrs Cooper's one of your closest friends?

0:20:340:20:38

Best friend.

0:20:380:20:40

Hey, come on, love. It's all right.

0:20:420:20:45

Friendships being torn apart is always upsetting.

0:20:490:20:53

Sometimes when two people can just sit down,

0:20:530:20:55

take a moment from all the madness, just talk like two sensible adults,

0:20:550:20:59

do you think that could be an option?

0:20:590:21:02

You could have a calm, measured conversation with your friend.

0:21:020:21:07

Kath!

0:21:070:21:09

Kath, open this door!

0:21:090:21:11

Kath!

0:21:140:21:16

KNOCKS ON DOOR

0:21:160:21:18

DOORBELL RINGS

0:21:180:21:21

I know you're in there, Kath!

0:21:230:21:26

Come out! Kath!

0:21:260:21:28

Kath, stop being so bloody stupid!

0:21:300:21:33

DOORBELL RINGS

0:21:330:21:35

Open this flaming door!

0:21:350:21:38

Kath, come out.

0:21:380:21:40

I know you're in there. Come out.

0:21:430:21:46

Five minutes, that's all.

0:21:470:21:49

Speak to me. You could at least give me that.

0:21:490:21:52

Six grand? It's a bit harsh.

0:22:190:22:22

-I thought they we're best mates?

-Like sisters.

0:22:220:22:24

-They've kept the lion's share?

-Your Debs must be gutted.

0:22:240:22:27

-We both are.

-People, eh?

0:22:270:22:30

I tell you what, I didn't see that coming.

0:22:300:22:32

All those years.

0:22:320:22:33

Wedding, christenings, holidays with the kids.

0:22:330:22:37

I gave them a tow once all the way back from Lytham St Annes.

0:22:370:22:40

I carried his father's coffin. You think you know someone.

0:22:400:22:43

Right rum do, I'll give you that.

0:22:430:22:45

If you ask me, it's not even Kath's idea. It's him.

0:22:450:22:48

He's pulling the strings.

0:22:480:22:50

Well, he does like to take control, our Geoff.

0:22:500:22:52

Yeah, I know, but fair's fair, he must know that's not on.

0:22:520:22:54

-Yeah, I didn't have him down as a scheme...

-Evening!

0:22:540:22:57

What are we having? My shout.

0:22:570:22:59

-Lovely.

-Great.

0:22:590:23:01

DOOR SLAMS

0:23:110:23:13

Hey-hey-hey!

0:23:130:23:15

Oh, you know they're on the banned list.

0:23:150:23:17

This diet's doing my head in and I'm not even on it.

0:23:170:23:20

TEXT MESSAGE ALERT

0:23:200:23:22

Oh, God.

0:23:220:23:24

Oh, not again?

0:23:240:23:25

"I don't know what I did wrong. Can we just meet for coffee?"

0:23:250:23:29

Not going to reply, are you?

0:23:290:23:31

Well, she's upset

0:23:310:23:33

and we have been best mates since the first day at infants.

0:23:330:23:36

Well, she's not acting like a best mate now.

0:23:360:23:38

-She's practically stalking you.

-Oh, don't say that.

0:23:380:23:41

The facts, Kath.

0:23:410:23:43

She is trying to bully you into handing over 23 grand

0:23:440:23:48

and it's not on.

0:23:480:23:50

It's turning into harassment.

0:23:500:23:52

The only thing she's going to get from us is a restraining order.

0:23:520:23:55

Look at you. You won that money, not her and you're stressed out.

0:23:550:24:00

Why should YOU be made to feel like this?

0:24:000:24:02

What kind of a friend is that?

0:24:020:24:05

Hey, hey.

0:24:060:24:08

Get stuck in.

0:24:080:24:10

You seen my work jacket?

0:24:460:24:49

You not having that toast?

0:24:490:24:52

Better get yourself ready, hadn't you?

0:24:520:24:54

-Called in sick.

-What, again?

0:24:540:24:56

I've decided. It's been a month. I'm going to make it up with her.

0:24:570:25:01

After what she's done to you?

0:25:010:25:03

What else can I do?

0:25:030:25:06

So I wanted to apologise for, you know,

0:25:120:25:15

all the shouting and madness and stuff.

0:25:150:25:17

I never in a million years thought we'd have a fall out like that.

0:25:180:25:21

Can we get back to normal now?

0:25:210:25:24

-Put all this to bed?

-Definitely.

0:25:240:25:26

It's been the worst time in my life, I'm not even joking.

0:25:260:25:30

Look at the time. I have to go.

0:25:300:25:33

THEY CHUCKLE

0:25:330:25:36

So are you all right for Thursday, then?

0:25:360:25:38

Yeah.

0:25:380:25:39

You've lost loads of weight, by the way.

0:25:390:25:41

-You think so?

-Yeah.

0:25:410:25:42

I haven't really been eating.

0:25:420:25:44

All the upset.

0:25:440:25:45

We've done nothing but eat out, gone the other way.

0:25:450:25:47

So shall I take it now or do you need to go back to the bank?

0:25:500:25:53

-What?

-The 6,000.

0:25:550:25:57

-What?

-I thought we were friends now.

0:25:590:26:01

So that's the reason you came round, to get your mitts on the money.

0:26:010:26:05

-What? No.

-That's why you're here.

0:26:050:26:07

-I thought it was all a bit sudden.

-No, you're wrong.

0:26:070:26:09

Well, you can swing for any winnings after all the nastiness

0:26:090:26:12

-you've caused.

-I was upset.

0:26:120:26:14

-I thought we just talked about that.

-Yeah. And I fell for it.

0:26:140:26:17

I thought you wanted me friendship,

0:26:170:26:18

I thought you wanted to be mates again.

0:26:180:26:20

Go on, get out. Get out!

0:26:200:26:22

Get out.

0:26:220:26:23

# People

0:26:350:26:37

# Who matter don't mind

0:26:370:26:40

# They don't need all of my time

0:26:410:26:47

# Somebody told me to light up every room

0:26:470:26:51

# Make them remember you

0:26:510:26:54

# But nobody here knows what I'm going through

0:26:540:26:58

# No, they never do

0:26:580:26:59

# I miss my old friends cos they know when I need them... #

0:26:590:27:05

Another three pounds.

0:27:050:27:07

Definite contender for slimmer of the month.

0:27:070:27:09

Are you not staying for the class?

0:27:130:27:15

# What I got

0:27:150:27:16

# Who I am and who I'm not

0:27:160:27:19

# I miss my old friends

0:27:190:27:22

# I miss my old friends

0:27:220:27:26

# I miss the good times we had

0:27:300:27:36

# Now I don't know who's got my back

0:27:360:27:42

# And somebody told me to light up every room

0:27:420:27:46

# Make them remember you

0:27:460:27:49

# But nobody here knows what I'm going through

0:27:490:27:53

# No, they never do

0:27:530:27:54

# Oh, I miss my old friends... #

0:27:540:27:57

Just ignore it.

0:27:580:27:59

I thought we said.

0:28:210:28:22

ENGINE REVS

0:28:290:28:32

LAUGHTER

0:28:320:28:35

INDISTINCT CHATTER

0:28:350:28:37

TYRES SCREECH

0:28:390:28:41

CAR REVERSES

0:28:420:28:44

-Bloody hell, Darren.

-A Vesuvius Deluxe 3,000.

0:28:470:28:50

Suppose you think that's clever.

0:28:530:28:56

-What now?

-You know what.

0:28:560:28:58

-My fire pit.

-Yours?!

0:28:580:29:00

Been after one for months, you know full well.

0:29:000:29:02

Grow up, you maniac.

0:29:020:29:03

Don't talk to him like that.

0:29:030:29:04

What's that got to do with you what we've got?

0:29:040:29:06

It's none of your business.

0:29:060:29:07

Sorry, lads, don't mind these nutters.

0:29:070:29:09

-Yeah, put it down by the garage. That'd be great.

-OK, thanks.

0:29:090:29:12

Well, that'll look a treat on our new patio.

0:29:120:29:16

Limestone. Might even buy one for our Lindsay.

0:29:180:29:21

Princess Lindsay?

0:29:210:29:23

Surely she's got everything already.

0:29:230:29:25

Always with the snidey comments.

0:29:250:29:26

"Oh, our Lindsay's got a power shower.

0:29:260:29:29

"Oh, our Lindsay's got one of them American fridges that does

0:29:290:29:31

-"all the ice."

-What's it got to do with our Lindsay?

0:29:310:29:34

-What about you and your Liam?

-You never shut up about him.

0:29:340:29:36

-Don't say one word about my son.

-"Our Liam and his A-stars

0:29:360:29:39

"Our Liam and his Duke of Edinburgh Award. Our Liam walks on water."

0:29:390:29:43

You're his godmother. He's at uni doing business studies -

0:29:430:29:46

we never said he was Bamber bloody Gascoigne.

0:29:460:29:49

Green-eyed monsters, the pair of you.

0:29:490:29:50

Us?! It's you two who can't stand anyone else having anything.

0:29:500:29:53

-Go on, push off.

-Who are you pushing?!

-Go on.

-Who are you...?

0:29:530:29:55

Go on, come in here. Go on. Get out.

0:29:550:29:57

-Geoff, your sciatica.

-Get off!

0:29:570:30:00

MOVER: Come on, stop it now. Calm down. Stop it.

0:30:000:30:03

Next time, I'm warning you!

0:30:030:30:04

Knock your bloody block off!

0:30:040:30:06

Darren, just leave it.

0:30:060:30:08

You know what, Debs, people have always said you were

0:30:080:30:10

jealous of me but I never believed them. Guess they were right.

0:30:100:30:13

Jealous?! Jealous of what, Cath?

0:30:130:30:15

-You tell me.

-Oh, go on.

0:30:150:30:17

-I'd love to hear it.

-Well...

0:30:170:30:19

-..everything.

-Oh, really?

0:30:210:30:24

Jealous of you at Bangor-on-Dee races, was I?

0:30:250:30:28

Bangor-on-Dee races?

0:30:280:30:30

Julie Flint's hen party.

0:30:300:30:32

Julie Flint's hen...

0:30:320:30:33

Why, what happened there?

0:30:330:30:35

-What's she talking about?

-Ask her. Ask her.

0:30:350:30:37

Ask her about the fella from the Carphone Warehouse.

0:30:370:30:40

Debs...

0:30:430:30:44

I don't know why did it.

0:30:570:30:59

Her face.

0:30:590:31:01

And she said I was jealous.

0:31:010:31:02

I mean, of what?

0:31:020:31:04

Who says that? Who thinks like that?

0:31:040:31:06

I don't know, I just lost it.

0:31:080:31:10

We should go straight back.

0:31:130:31:14

Right away. I'll explain.

0:31:140:31:16

You've done enough damage.

0:31:160:31:18

Oh, God, Darren.

0:31:180:31:20

You know, we had the higher ground.

0:31:200:31:22

We were the injured party, but this?

0:31:220:31:24

I know, I know, stop saying it.

0:31:240:31:25

So what were you doing?

0:31:280:31:29

-What?

-At copping-off-on-bloody-Dee?

0:31:300:31:33

If everyone was gadding around like Geordie flaming Shore.

0:31:330:31:36

-Don't be stupid.

-Ah, I can imagine.

0:31:360:31:38

Gang of daft women off your heads on SlimFast.

0:31:380:31:41

Egging each other on, running amok.

0:31:410:31:43

I never did a thing, never have done.

0:31:430:31:46

I wouldn't do that you.

0:31:460:31:48

Cos I tell you what, I'd go off my rocker.

0:31:480:31:50

I'm not joking.

0:31:500:31:52

You making me the laughing stock.

0:31:520:31:54

Do you think he'll leave her?

0:31:560:31:57

-Do you think they'll get a divorce?

-I don't know. Depends.

0:31:590:32:02

-On what?

-On how bad was it?

0:32:020:32:04

See you tomorrow, then, Bob, yeah?

0:32:140:32:16

Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it.

0:32:160:32:18

Geoff, I just want to apologise.

0:32:180:32:20

Bit late for that.

0:32:200:32:22

It was nothing. A laugh.

0:32:220:32:24

-Everyone had too much to drink.

-Cath's told me all about it.

0:32:240:32:27

Everything.

0:32:270:32:28

It was a stupid drunken mistake, I swear.

0:32:280:32:31

That's what she said, just some daft lad chancing his arm.

0:32:310:32:35

That's right. He just put the lips on her and that was it.

0:32:350:32:37

You built it up, though, didn't you?

0:32:370:32:39

-I never wanted to cause any trouble.

-Yes, you did.

0:32:390:32:42

You thought you could rake up a bit of ancient history,

0:32:420:32:44

bit of tittle-tattle, push Cath into a corner

0:32:440:32:46

and get your hands on the money, and that's what this is all about.

0:32:460:32:48

-No.

-You're hacked off so that gives you the right to wreck our lives.

0:32:480:32:52

-It wasn't like that.

-Then what is it? Mm?

0:32:520:32:54

Is it because, erm,

0:32:540:32:55

I earn more than Darren, so Cath doesn't have to work?

0:32:550:32:58

Don't be ridiculous, I like my job.

0:32:580:33:00

Well, there's some beef you've got with Cath,

0:33:000:33:02

something that makes you want to attack her.

0:33:020:33:04

She won that money fair and square and you know it.

0:33:040:33:07

ENGINE STARTS

0:33:070:33:09

Or I tell you what,

0:33:090:33:11

is it because she's thinner than you are?

0:33:110:33:13

I need to talk to you.

0:33:370:33:38

-I've got nothing to say to you...

-I went to see Geoff.

0:33:390:33:42

At Doreen's?

0:33:430:33:44

Yeah, he's left me.

0:33:450:33:47

Run back to his mother's.

0:33:470:33:49

For good?

0:33:490:33:50

How do I know?

0:33:500:33:52

He says he needs a few days to clear his head.

0:33:520:33:55

Cath, I'm sorry.

0:33:550:33:57

Really, I never meant...

0:33:570:33:59

If I could take it all back.

0:33:590:34:00

What did you expect, dropping a bombshell like that, eh?

0:34:000:34:04

Oh, you must really hate me.

0:34:040:34:05

-I don't.

-Then what possessed you?

0:34:050:34:07

I was mad, it just blurted out.

0:34:070:34:10

You liar.

0:34:100:34:11

You knew exactly what you were doing.

0:34:110:34:13

I just want you to know, he won't hear from me what really happened.

0:34:160:34:19

You spiteful...

0:34:230:34:26

evil cow.

0:34:260:34:27

-So now you're blackmailing me?

-What?

0:34:280:34:30

No, I'm just saying, I will never tell him.

0:34:300:34:32

Come on, I'll give you a lift.

0:34:320:34:35

We'll go there right now.

0:34:350:34:36

Doreen's never liked me. This'll be the icing on the cake.

0:34:360:34:38

-You're not listening.

-I spent one night

0:34:380:34:41

in a two-star crappy guest house with another

0:34:410:34:44

man 14 years ago and you've been storing it up to use against me.

0:34:440:34:49

Well, that's nice.

0:34:490:34:51

And you knew we were going through a bad patch.

0:34:510:34:52

What kind of mate is that, eh?

0:34:540:34:55

Six grand?

0:34:570:34:58

Should be 30 pieces of silver.

0:34:580:35:00

TV PLAYS NEWS INDISTINCTLY

0:35:130:35:15

Calling on magistrates to think again.

0:35:170:35:20

Two local parks are among the best in the country.

0:35:200:35:23

Alexandra Park and Dunwood Park have kept

0:35:230:35:25

their prestigious Green Flag awards...

0:35:250:35:28

You haven't even touched that.

0:35:280:35:31

Not eating, not sleeping, not going out.

0:35:310:35:35

All this, it needs to be put to bed right now.

0:35:350:35:39

Deborah.

0:35:390:35:40

Are you listening to me?

0:35:400:35:41

I just can't.

0:35:440:35:46

Do you know, I don't want hear another word about it.

0:35:460:35:48

All that money's done is cause us a tonne of aggro, you know,

0:35:480:35:51

I'm sick to the back teeth.

0:35:510:35:52

CUTLERY JANGLES

0:35:530:35:55

Debs?

0:35:550:35:56

Deborah?

0:35:570:35:59

Oh, erm...

0:36:020:36:03

And my Jeremy Clarkson books.

0:36:080:36:10

-Where are they?

-VEHICLE DOOR SLAMS

0:36:100:36:12

-What's happened?

-She collapsed.

-We'll come with you.

0:36:290:36:32

No, you stay the hell away.

0:36:320:36:33

This is all your fault. You caused this.

0:36:330:36:35

SIREN WAILS

0:36:370:36:39

LETTERBOX RATTLES

0:37:090:37:12

LETTERBOX RATTLES

0:37:360:37:39

Debs!

0:37:440:37:46

Debs!

0:37:460:37:47

Wait, give me a minute.

0:37:470:37:49

Please.

0:37:490:37:50

Here.

0:37:500:37:52

It's yours. Have it.

0:37:520:37:54

Doesn't matter.

0:37:540:37:56

I honestly don't want any of it.

0:37:560:37:58

It belongs to you. It always did.

0:37:580:38:00

I was wrong

0:38:020:38:04

and I was stupid

0:38:040:38:05

and I was greedy.

0:38:050:38:06

Keep it. You and Geoff have a good time.

0:38:080:38:11

Take it.

0:38:110:38:13

-Cath, stop it.

-Take it, please, or...or...or I'll burn it.

0:38:130:38:16

Don't be ridiculous.

0:38:160:38:18

I will. All of it.

0:38:180:38:20

Up in flames, I mean it.

0:38:200:38:22

On his stupid fire pit.

0:38:220:38:23

Which is crap, by the way.

0:38:230:38:25

Please.

0:38:270:38:28

Nah.

0:38:300:38:31

You be happy.

0:38:320:38:33

We're fine.

0:38:330:38:35

I'm OK now.

0:38:350:38:37

Got carried away, got myself ill.

0:38:370:38:39

Crazy.

0:38:390:38:40

We're best mates, Debs.

0:38:430:38:46

We were like sisters.

0:38:460:38:47

We've never fallen out in our entire lives.

0:38:490:38:51

A good friend helps you cover up a murder.

0:38:530:38:56

A best friend helps you bury the body.

0:38:560:38:58

40 years, Debs.

0:39:000:39:01

Yeah, well...

0:39:020:39:05

we had a good run.

0:39:050:39:06

Door's on the latch, I best get back.

0:39:080:39:09

Well, can...can...

0:39:090:39:11

can we all get together?

0:39:110:39:12

Maybe, I mean...

0:39:120:39:14

Well, there's a band on Friday night at The Swan.

0:39:140:39:18

They're supposed to be really good, all covers.

0:39:180:39:20

Erm...I'm not sure I'm ready to go out just yet.

0:39:210:39:24

Well, maybe when you're a bit better?

0:39:290:39:33

Next week?

0:39:330:39:34

Geoff keeps going on about this Teppanyaki place he wants to try.

0:39:350:39:40

The chef cracks open eggs on your head.

0:39:400:39:41

And it's all Japanese food, so there's hardly any calories.

0:39:430:39:45

Not that you need to worry about that now.

0:39:450:39:47

You're looking great, by the way.

0:39:490:39:51

Thanks.

0:39:510:39:53

Yeah.

0:39:530:39:55

Maybe.

0:39:550:39:56

I'll text you.

0:39:590:40:00

# I just want familiar faces

0:40:080:40:10

# Oh, hey now

0:40:110:40:13

# Oh, hey now

0:40:130:40:14

# Growing up can be amazing

0:40:140:40:17

# But it can even break your heart

0:40:180:40:22

# I miss my old friends

0:40:230:40:26

# When I need them the most

0:40:260:40:29

# I miss my old friends

0:40:290:40:32

# Mmm

0:40:330:40:36

# I miss my old friends

0:40:360:40:37

# Cos they know when I need them the most

0:40:370:40:42

# I made some new friends and they're cool friends

0:40:420:40:46

# But they don't know

0:40:460:40:49

# What I do, what I got Who I am and who I'm not

0:40:490:40:55

# I miss my old friends

0:40:550:40:59

# I miss my old friends I miss my old friends

0:40:590:41:02

# My old friends I miss

0:41:020:41:05

# I miss my old friends I miss my old friends

0:41:050:41:09

# My old friends I miss

0:41:090:41:11

# What I do, what I got Who I am and who I'm not

0:41:110:41:18

# I miss my old friends I miss my old friends. #

0:41:180:41:24

Two firm friends fall out when one of them wins a life-changing amount of money at their local bingo hall. Should they share, as usual, or is it winner takes all?


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