Flea Original Drama Shorts

My world's a tough world, A rough world, a rude world.

A kick in the guts And a spit in your food world.

I could take offence at it, Retire to the bench of it,

Squeeze my eyes tight, Close my nose to the stench of it.

Instead I use my head, And I choose to make fuel of it,

My heart and my smarts Cut me loose from the noose of it.

My spirit and my lyrics, They let me make fire from it.

Rhymes are my reasons, And riffs help make light of it.

This is my world And the words that describe it.

The tricks and the tips That I spit to survive it.

And here's how it's standing, How it's hanging for me -

The slammin' great Gospel According To Flea.

I'm actually 15 But ain't no-one told my body that.

This shorty is scrawny, And Dorky to look at,

And Fat Fuck my step dad Won't let me forget that.

You're a runt and a reject, You need to accept that.

And this verse you converse in Is worse than pathetic.

He don't know that in my show Even he speaks poetic!

Real kids ain't expressive, They're impressive, athletic,

But your old man was no man So I guess it's genetic.

And, yes, I shouldn't care less

But I confess it's upsettin',

And I am workin' on ways To aid me forgettin'.

Gettin' mighty like Mum, Cos she don't let it faze her,

And words don't cut much, Which is why we have razors.

Who's this?

Mmm!

Ha-ha!

Now Mighty's amazin', Which I don't mind sayin'.

Her hugs are like muggings But I ain't complainin'.

But her choice in blokes Is a joke that needs changin'.

Now I started it, Flea, So it's me that wants blamin'.

I love my little sis, But they say she's autistic.

I think she's a thinker And the docs have just missed it.

But I'm scared that he scares her, And I'm worried it's worry.

She only chats three words And one of them's "Sorry".

FOOTSTEPS

If it was just me, Then I could ignore it,

But I'm sick to the pit Watchin' these two endure it.

The pushin', the shovin' The put downs and...

Shut up!

The roarin' and bawlin' And callin' her...

Suck up!

Her flinchin' and tearin' And fearin' her fuck-ups.

He's wise to her lies.

Can I help that I'm loved up?

Hey!

Oi!

Flea makes up these stories.

Been doin' it forever.

Wants me and my ex To get back together.

But no-one's been hittin' me, Not now, not ever.

I walked into the door,

Which was not very clever.

Not. Very. Clever.

(What were you thinkin'? They've nicked him before.

(He was back in three hours Punchin' the door.)

You want to keep doin' this, Go ahead, fine.

But don't use my dad As part of your lie.

He'd turn in his grave, And me stood there watchin' it.

Well, no more spectatin'. From now on I'm stoppin' it,

He throws a fist I'm going to be blockin' it,

He showers his shit And it's me who'll be coppin' it.

If your face don't fit here Then it's near a disaster

The oddballs get fuck all The normal are masters

But while some kids have targets For arses, poor bastards,

I'm mostly unnoticed And that's an advantage.

She says it's a secret And I said I'd keep it.

What, your hands in her pants?

You cannot repeat it!

Took a pic of her tits But I swore I'd delete it.

If I don't shout my mouth Then I might get to keep it.

Ha, ha! Yes, bruvver.

Now, I learnt some time ago, Survival is what you know,

And kids get loose lips When they think they're un-spied on

So I get the gossip, The ghouls in their closet.

Bit o' news I can use, Sent direct to my office.

You heard about these pills?

Give you more than just thrills.

Invincible tablets For actual skills.

Confidence capsules For fightin' less frightened,

For beefin' with belief That you're built like a titan.

Like your skin's made of tin And your reflex's lightnin'.

Who's the seller?

I can't tell ya. Unless you be buyin'.

Information ain't power, It's knowin' how to use it.

A bomb won't go bang If you can't get the fuse lit.

Now, I've just seen Wisecrack, And that is a nice snap!

Oh - yeah?

Augh!

Agh...

And her brother's a boxer, So that won't be my last slap.

I'll be needin' them pills,

Then you'd better tell Naz that.

Now Naz is the type Who'll end up doin' life,

Kicked out of her last school, Or so goes the hype.

She hung some year eights From the gates by their legs,

Then allegedly wedgied The deputy head.

I heard word that you're palmin' What I'm in the market for?

Unless it's a nose job I dunno what you're askin' for.

Cos I can't do business

While I'm sickened by the sight of ya.

Someone give him a dressin' It's depressin' just eyein' ya.

If I could just grab a tab In a bag, it's for later.

I like your style, But that's the wrong colour paper.

Now when it's like this I reckon it's bliss,

Just Mighty and I And my little sis.

The clouds always come To smother the sun,

Weighed down with water To slaughter our fun.

A scrubber in rubber. It suits you, I think.

A skivvying divvy And chained to the sink.

If you had mates to rate you They'd split in a blink.

Flea's makin' some spends.

You'd be better off skint.

MUFFLED SHOUTING

Now I'm not so gullible To think the unthinkable,

That one little pill Has made me invincible.

I'll settle for some mettle...

A better kind of batterin'

Which is one where you don't Really feel like it's happenin'.

FAT FUCK GRUNTS

Get off me!

SHE RETCHES

I am sorry, Flea, That I can't be braver,

But you will break my heart, If you try playing saviour.

Putting up fists for me, Running these risks for me,

It ain't you, And I don't want it ever to be.

You can't fix it, you know?

We'll just have to see.

The tablet didn't make me brave, Or take away or hide the pain

Or slay the giant, ride his rage...

So something, somewhere, needs to change.

Back so soon, little dude? Guess the party's with you.

Bag up a tab.

Nah, this time it's two.

MUFFLED SHOUTING

Isn't it strange, How all days play the same?

You do it, Run through it,

Then do it again.

No!

You practise your part,

Till you know it by heart.

Until something explodes...

And it all blows apart.

Come on!

Argh!

Start with the inside.

KNOCK AT DOOR

What do you want?

That your car out front, sir?

Yeah. And?

Would you mind letting us

take a look inside?

Why?

If you wouldn't mind, sir.

Argh!

Is he coming back?

The chances are fat,

He'll be gettin' a stretch For possession like that.

Time to test his aggression On types that swipe back.

He'll be sendin' you letters,

I'll send them back.

You thought I was takin' 'em? So little faith in me.

Like I'd lend a hand To the man that was breakin' me.

The view's down to you, If you don't rate it, change it.

And if it all feels too small, Knock the walls, rearrange it.

But no shrinkin' your thinkin' An inch, for a place in it.

Bend it, extend it, But don't be a slave to it.

If humans could fly As well as a flea,

The sights that we'd see, The giants we'd be.

But we can't jump for shit And that's cool with me,

Cos my mind is the muscle That's makin' me free.