26/01/2016 River City

I'm trying to help, and you keep messing it up.

You stay away from my son.

I want to report one of your coaches.

You need to speak to Alex.

Please. Get money off him, and leave.

I'm just trying to make sure no-one else dies.

As long as she's breathing, none of us are safe.

I don't have five grand, so it looks like I'm not selling after all.

You're carrying my baby.

If I have my way, I'll make sure he never knows you exist.

What the hell are you doing here?

HEART MONITOR BEEPS STEADILY

'Right, er, no change.'

OK, cheers. And how was she overnight?

I guess that's the best we can hope for at this stage, yeah?

OK, thanks very much for your time. Bye.

Have you seen my football boots?

-No.

-Jenny said she put them away, but I can't find them.

-I need them for tonight.

-What's happening later?

-Going ice skating. What do you think?

-Less of your cheek, you.

It was a stupid question. You know I've got football tonight.

Not the night, you've not.

What?

I don't want you spending so much time with that Patrick Adams.

Mum, going to drop it?

He's too interested in you. I don't like it.

He's my football coach. He's MEANT to be interested in me.

He's a good guy.

Oh, I know exactly what kind of guy he is.

I'm going to football. I've got my first cup game in a couple of weeks.

-I'm not missing it.

-Aye, we'll see.

-Mum!

-DOORBELL RINGS

Go get that.

Mum...

Get to school, Drew.

Can't have you being late.

You can't stop me from going. Excuse me.

Kids.

So is the Salon busy, aye?

It's this promotion.

Seemed like a great idea at the time, but now all this is happening.

Well, you've got a business to run.

Kelly-Marie would be the first to say it

I know. I just feel useless.

Aye, we all do.

Oh, hi, Robbie.

Hi, Jimmy. How you holding up?

Aye, well, you're looking at it. This came for you.

I thought it might be about your coaching badges.

Aw, right, nice one. Cheers.

Kids get to school OK?

Aye, Lenny took them.

-You off to the hospital?

-Aye.

How's Scarlett?

Well, she's refusing to leave Kel's bedside.

She looked dead on her feet when I was visiting yesterday.

She's sitting there, praying, talking to Kelly and the baby.

If she's not careful, she'll find herself in a hospital bed next.

Not if I can help it.

-Tell her I'm thinking of her.

-I will do, cheers.

-See you.

-See you in a bit.

That man is a rock.

Right, let me know if you hear anything.

I will do. See you in a bit.

Oh...

You going to be here all morning?

I'm just checking my balances.

Maybe it's in the offshore account.

Oh, jackpot! Thank God for that.

No fun for me if the competition goes under.

No danger of that.

Really? Your place has seemed pretty quiet recently.

It's just the January lull.

Which, for you, started in what, June?

You do know that your van has wheels, right?

Wheels that can take you anywhere you like.

Far, far away from here.

And spoil all my fun?

Why would I go anywhere else when I can stay right here

and find out how not to run a business?

For your information, my appointments book is fit to burst today.

Good for you.

Come on!

Er, hi, my name's Patrick Adams...

I've just received a letter about my coaching being suspended.

Is there anybody that can tell me what's going on?

No, the letter didn't tell me anything.

Well, it is urgent. I'm meant to be coaching later today.

Is there nobody that can help me?

Aye, hold on a minute.

Fire away.

Uh-huh.

Right.

No, that's fine. Thanks.

Hiya.

You OK?

-No, not really.

-How, what's up?

Good question.

Any chance I could just shoot off?

-Aye, of course. On you go.

-Cheers.

You haven't touched your breakfast.

Can't face it.

Do you want to stretch your legs?

Get something from the canteen?

I'm fine.

I'll sit with her. She'll not be on her own.

I need to be here when she wakes up.

The doctors have said there's not much chance of that happening today.

Did you see that?!

She moved! She moved her mouth, Jimmy!

Did you see that?

Aye, aye, I saw it.

That's a good sign, isn't it?

(What do those doctors know?)

They don't know you.

Well who CAN help me, then?

But I'd need to cancel my training session if...

Look, I know you're trying to help, mate...

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice.

It's just, I'm a wee bit confused as to why this is happening.

Is there a supervisor I can talk to?

Somebody that can shed a wee bit of light on this?

Aye. Put me through.

Hello, yes. Patrick Adams.

I'm just looking for an explanation.

It's all came completely out the blue.

Right. Uh-huh.

I've been accused of what?!

Ah, the very woman.

Alasdair, how are you?

Very well, thank you. Hope you can say the same.

As well as can be expected,

considering everything that's been going on.

I know, indeed. It's a terrible business.

Poor Molly's thrown herself into her work at the charity shop,

-even when she's not on the rota.

-Keep an eye on her, will you?

Make sure she's not pushing herself too much.

Will do. Talking of the charity shop,

I was coming to see you anyway about an idea I ha...

Does that say Burns open-mic night?

Yeah! It was AJ's idea. Quite clever, I thought.

Bit of a twist on a classic. Much like myself.

A twist on a...

You can't seriously be condoning this...

this abomination.

Alasdair, child poverty is an abomination.

This is a postmodern stroke of genius!

It's absurd, is what it is.

Got a wee panic in thy breastie there, my friend.

You need to chill out.

A Burns night comes with traditions, expectations...

There are ways of doing Burns.

Yeah...and this year, we're doing it our way.

You should come along, you could broaden your horizons.

I don't think so.

Well, whatever it was you wanted to talk to me about will have to wait

because I have an event to organise.

Very well.

Critics!

Appalled I ventured on the name,

those cut-throat bandits in the paths of fame.

Facts don't cease to exist when you ignore them.

Of course. I'm happy to help.

DOOR CLOSES

-What you doing home?

-Forgot my pen drive.

Who were you talking to outside?

Patrick had a message for Drew.

What message?

Just that football's been cancelled.

Cancelled? Just today or...?

He didn't say.

-Did he say why?

-You know why.

What do you mean?

Pregnant stepsister, unconscious in hospital. Ring any bells?

Aye. Of course.

And remember, I'm helping out at the shop after school.

-They should be paying you for that.

-Mum!

-They should.

It's called community spirit.

All right, Saint Jennifer. Don't get lippy.

You could volunteer.

Loads of people are doing shifts to help keep the shop open.

-If loads of people are helping, they don't need me.

-It'd be good experience for you.

You'd write on your CV for the job centre...

Well, it's not a shop job I'm looking for.

-So what kind of job are you looking for?

-I'll know it when I see it.

I need to go. Don't forget Patrick's message.

No, I won't.

I mean, really, have you ever heard of such a thing?

An open-mic night to honour the great Rabbie Burns?

It's a violation!

I thought it sounded quite interesting

when Eileen told me about it.

You of all people, Liz.

After what you've told me of Malcolm's love of Burns,

I would have thought I could rely on you to share my view.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Alasdair,

but I respect Eileen's position.

She didn't want to organise a full supper without Malcolm...

..and I think she's right.

It's one thing to choose not to honour the occasion, but this...

variation on the theme is quite another.

When I think back to the epic Burns suppers of Wally Carr,

Moira Anderson and Duncan MacCrae in those halcyon days in Perth...

What do you think, Molly?

I think you're a raving galoot that needs to stop whingeing!

Some of us have REAL problems to deal with.

If you're that worried,

why didn't you organise your own traditional supper?

But you didn't, so please, would you give us peace?

Cos you're nipping my head!

I think what Molly means is,

"I have always detested the whining yelp of complaint."

"Despised."

Sorry?

The word is "despised."

"I have always despised the whining yelp of complaint."

Well, close enough.

You get the message.

You're right. Both of you.

More often than not.

I should have organised a supper of my own.

Well, if you can't beat them, join them.

Hiya.

Er, bit of a change of plan.

I'm going to need to head up the hospital the now.

Oh, right. That's fine. I can make my own way up later.

Why do you look so serious? Is Kelly-Marie all right?

It's not that.

What is it? What's wrong?

I'm being accused of grooming one of the boys.

Scarlett...

How is she?

Scarlett, please.

She's the same as the last time you showed your face round here.

How's the baby?

He's hanging in there.

Can I go in and see them?

Please. She's my wife.

Not for much longer.

I know you think this is somehow my fault,

but you can't keep blaming me.

You think you can control that wee lassie in there?

Well, you can't control me.

I've done as you've asked. I've stayed away.

But I love her,

her and the baby, and I have a right to be here.

She doesn't want you in her life any more.

She wouldn't want you here.

You don't know that.

I pushed her towards you when all she wanted to do was run.

I wouldn't listen to what she was trying to tell me.

I was too busy fighting your corner. Now I'm fighting hers.

You've got a short memory.

I've a right to be here, Jimmy.

I've had enough of being excluded.

Get used to it, pal.

She's my wife! That's my family in there!

You lost the right to that family a long time ago.

I think you better leave.

Will you at least let me see Callum?

Nae chance!

He's with Lenny mostly. Why don't you ask him?

I'm thinking of Cal, not me.

He's fine.

His mum's in the hospital, and I've disappeared from his life.

-What do you think that's doing to him?

-He's a strong boy.

-He's seven years old, Jimmy!

-He's six, actually!

-He's seven. It was his birthday yesterday.

Was it?

Oh, Jimmy. How could we forget?

He'll be all right. We can make it up to him.

Lenny probably would have done something with him.

Let me take him out for dinner and...and spoil him a bit.

Please?

She's ready.

Oh, Kel.

Listen, I'll bring Cal round when he gets back from school.

Jimmy!

The man's right. He needs stability.

Whether we like it or not, he sees Alex as his dad.

Thank you, Jimmy.

Nothing's changed. It's for the boy.

So, did they tell you who made the complaint?

Said they couldn't reveal that.

How is that fair?

Surely you're entitled to all the information

-so that you can fight your corner.

-Well, apparently not.

So what happens now?

They do an investigation.

Probably find that I'm guilty anyway and there goes my coaching.

I could end up back in the jail for this.

Sounds like you've given up already.

What else can I do, apart from sit and wait?

You've done nothing wrong. You have to challenge it.

I've tried that. All they say is "Investigation's pending."

So fight it. This is prejudice.

I've not got the head space for this right now.

The only important thing is Kelly-Marie and that wean.

-Kelly-Marie would want...

-Och, look, don't give me that.

If Kelly-Marie was awake the now,

then she couldn't do anything either.

But she's not.

I'm going to head up the now. I'll see you later.

Turnips...

I'm telling you, turnip pancake's beautiful.

-I've made a couple of batches.

-Oh, I don't like...

Uh-oh. Here we go.

Alasdair. What can we do for you?

We thought we'd see you with placards,

starting some kind of protest march against us.

Don't worry. I come in peace.

Glad to hear it.

My reaction earlier was over the top.

Hmm, it was a bit.

By way of an apology, I'd like to offer you some

traditional heather ale

to improve...erm, augment your event this evening.

Heather ale?

"A Galloway legend from the bonny bells of heather."

I've got some cases in the car outside.

-Might be a nice touch.

-A wee nod to tradition.

How much do you want for it?

Oh, no. It's my gift to you.

That's very magnanimous. Thank you.

What's the catch?

My, we are astute. It's not a catch, per se.

-More of a proposal.

-Uh-huh...

I was wondering if you would allow me

to assist you with tonight's event?

Oh, we've got everything covered.

But I could help you bring a few more traditional flourishes

to the evening...

It's not that kind of night, pal. Thanks, but no, thanks.

Right, well... I'll leave you to get on.

Have a splendid night.

Oh, Alasdair.

Come here.

I understand that.

All I'm asking for is the name

of the person who made the complaint about my client.

(I'll be right with you.)

I don't see how that's fair.

Surely Mr Adams should be afforded his right to reply?

Well, frankly, that's simply not good enough.

Aye, I'm sorry, too, love. Thanks for your time.

Give me a wee sec.

It's been a while since my training, but I'm pretty sure if you're going

to cut someone's hair, you probably want to be in the salon with them.

-I need a favour.

-From me?

I know. Hell just froze over.

Can you cover my clients for a bit?

We can split the takings 50-50.

Ha! You're joking, right?

One of my best pals is in hospital and my other best pal needs my help.

-Please?

-You do know this is the sort of behaviour that's

ruining your reputation and your business?

-Some things are more important than success.

-Not in my book.

Please? 60-40?

80-20.

70-30!

80-20.

Ugh!

Fine.

You really are an angel.

-I'll be over in five.

-Thank you.

Has he brought in any of these?

I think he held the door open on the first trip.

Where is he?

Putting on his outfit.

But we're not starting for hours.

Says it helps him embody the gravitas of the occasion.

What on Earth is he planning on wearing?

Oh! Alasdair, you look...terrific.

Those trousers are very...snazzy!

I'm glad you think so, AJ.

I've got a spare pair here, which I think should fit you just fine.

No, no, no, you're all right.

Go on, AJ. I want you to look snazzy.

No, I think you'll find I've got my outfit sorted for tonight already.

Oh!

Well, that's... That's...

I've never seen one of those before.

You won't have done, because I had this made specially for tonight.

Oh, I've got something else to wear with it, as well...

Ta-da!

-Oh, my.

-Who says Burns has to be boring and stuffy, right?

Quite. Well, I thought we should talk

through some of our other ideas for this evening.

Right, well, I'm going to leave you boys to it, then.

Right, so what I was thinking was, I would do the food

-and you would do the entertainment.

-Perfect.

I thought I'd ring round some of the locals and see if any of them

-want to do a turn.

-Great.

But as master of ceremonies, I thought I should take the

responsibility of Tam O' Shanter myself.

My rendition is quite famous, you know.

It's spoken of in reverent tones from Ardnamurchan to Alyth.

I look forward to hearing it.

Now, in terms of the menu, tonight's guests will be treated to

my very special signature recipe...

..haggis pakora pie served with potato and spicy turnip pancakes.

Goodness... Pancakes?

-Mm-hm.

-Well, gosh. That all sounds very...

..avant-garde.

It's delicious, is what it is, if I say so myself.

I'm sure.

Now, I need to be at Scarlett's shop, so I'll see you later.

To be honest, I'm not sure what I can do,

but I'll make a few calls, see what I can find out.

Thanks, Eileen. I appreciate it.

KNOCKING

They're the same ones that were here this morning.

They're obviously wanting to speak to one of the Mullens.

-No, they were at the McLeans'.

-Hmm, busy boys.

Right, I need to get back to the pub.

-I'll be in touch if I find out who made that complaint.

-Cheers.

Right!

Are you trying to break the door down or what?

Sorry. Don't know my own strength.

Well, you better be careful you don't hurt anyone with that fist.

Saw the police were here this morning. Everything all right?

Concerned neighbour, are you?

Oh, aye. That's what everybody's like round here.

-We look out for each other, you know what I mean.

-Is that right?

Aye. So everything's all right, kids OK?

Aye, we're fine, thanks. I got my purse stolen last week,

so, er, cops were just following up on it.

-Some people, eh?

-Lowlifes.

-World's full of them.

Oh, well, if everything's OK,

-I'll let you get on with it. Have a nice day.

-You too.

You are a piece of work, do you know that?

You and I both know why the police were here this morning.

-I told you it was about my purse.

-And I'm the Queen of Sheba.

-If the boot fits...

-It was you, wasn't it?

-What are you on about?

-You made that complaint.

I don't have to stand here and listen to this.

What kind of sick game are you playing at,

you selfish, ignorant cow?

My pal can get in a lot of trouble for this.

Patrick too scared to fight his own battles, is he?

I never said it was Patrick.

Well, I just a-assumed. You and him are always bumming about together.

Is that what this is about? Some homophobic vendetta?

-You can get done for that.

-You'll be the one getting done

if you don't get away from my front door and stop harassing me.

Oh, I'll be getting done, will I?

What kind of sick lie are you going to make up about me?

I'm not making anything up.

That sicko shows a little too much interest in my son.

-I'm just protecting my boy.

-Patrick is not that guy.

So you better call whoever you spoke to and withdraw that allegation.

Why should I?

I did what I had to do to keep him away from my son.

It's a lie and you could ruin his life!

-What're you playing at?

-He's made his choices.

And why are you so interested anyway?

-Are you part of it and all, eh? Is that it?

-What?

Some kind of paedo ring, is it?

Maybe I should get the cops back here and give them a wee update.

Get your ginger mincing arse away from my door,

and don't come near me or my kids again.

And I'm no homophobe - My first boyfriend was gay!

Not before he met you, he wisnae!

Is it true what Robbie said?

No. He's a drama queen.

You're lying. Is that why the police were here this morning?

Drew, there's grown-up stuff going on that you don't understand.

-I'm not a kid.

-You are a kid! You're my kid!

-And it's my job to protect you.

-Protect me from what?

See, you don't even know. That's how men like that work.

They prey on young minds,

get innocent young boys like you to look up to them and...

-have their way.

-Patrick's not like that.

How do you know what he's like?

You don't know anything about him.

I know he doesn't treat me like a kid.

I know he actually cares about my life

instead of ruining it like you do.

You've ruined it for everybody, the whole team.

If they find out, they're going to blame me.

You'll get a new coach.

TV SWITCHES ON

And what if they think it was true?

That I...let him do things?

They won't think that.

They might! But see, you didn't think of that.

You didn't think about how this would affect me!

-Drew...

-What has he done?

Why would you make stuff like that up? What has Patrick done to you?

He thinks he's better than us.

-He keeps sticking his nose in our business.

-What business?

Look, I don't want to talk about this any more.

-You just need to trust me.

-Why would I ever trust you?

I mean, really, Gavin.

It's as if they've never been to a proper Burns supper before.

They've absolutely no respect for tradition.

They're calling it post-modern...

Exactly!

I'm just glad I got involved when I did.

Hopefully I'll be able to rescue something from the event.

That's why I'm calling.

I know it's incredibly short notice,

but is there any way you could get your hands

on a proper Aitkenhead haggis for me?

Something befitting the Bard?

HE CHUCKLES

Oh, that's wonderful, Gavin.

Oh, thank you. You're a gentleman, sir.

-Thank you...

-Hi, Gavin, is it?

We won't be needing your Aitkenhead haggis. We've got it all covered.

OK, cheery-bye for now.

What are you playing at?

I just thought we should have a proper haggis.

Look, Eileen didn't have to agree to you helping out tonight.

But that's exactly what you are doing, helping out.

-This is our Burns night, and we're doing it our way.

-I'm sorry. I overstepped the mark.

You do the entertainment, I do the food. That's the deal.

Certainly.

-So have you got your performers sorted?

-Not entirely.

Why don't you go and do that, then? I've got pies to prepare!

And splendid pies they will be, too.

I'll leave you to it.

-How did it go?

-Aye, fine.

Erm, he seems pleased, so...

So you're healing, properly?

Yep, so far, so good.

Did you ask about the pain?

Yes, he's gave me stronger pills, so they should help.

Good. We'll get them on the way out. Let's get you home.

Actually, there's something I want to do, while I'm here...

KNOCK AT DOOR

Stella.

What are you doing here?

I was about anyway. I just thought I'd come in and keep you company.

I'm sorry,

I'm no' great company the now.

Neither am I.

-I could just sit with you for a bit.

-Aye.

I've never met anybody I detest more than I do her right now.

Oh, and there was me thinking that I had that honour.

You are a goddess by comparison.

What's she said to you that's got you in such a state?

Have you got a minute?

Do you know where Patrick is?

Yes, but I'm not going to tell you.

-Did your mum send you?

-No.

I just want to speak to Patrick, but I don't know where he is.

I think it's probably best that it stays like that.

I-I didn't know what she was doing.

Will you tell him that?

No, I won't, because I don't believe you.

I swear.

Did he drop you from the football team or something?

So you decided to go running to your wee mammy

-with your twisted wee story.

-That's not what happened.

You need to stay away from Patrick. Do you hear me?

He's been nothing but good to you and your family, and this is the thanks he gets.

He could go to jail! Do you realise that?

I didn't do anything.

All Patrick ever tried to do was look out for you.

Do you know how lucky you are that somebody like him

wanted to help a waste of space like you?

Tried to get you the help that you need before you really hurt yourself.

I mean, clearly, he was wasting his time telling your mother about it.

So you do us a favour and you stay away from him, OK?

-He told her?

-Of course he told her.

Because he cares about you.

Or at least he did.

After today, not so much.

So you and your scummy wee family stay away from him, all right?

Take it easy.

You can go. Sorry.

What the hell was that? He's just a kid!

Well, I think I've got all the entertainers for the evening.

Well done. Excellent.

Young Ellie is going to sing for us.

I've had to compromise on one or two of the traditional readings -

not enough volunteers -

but we'll be able to keep to some

-semblance of a standard running order.

-Well, that's OK.

It was supposed to be a relaxed event...

And if my Tam brings the house down as it usually does,

I doubt anyone will notice there are one or two other pieces missing.

I could do your address to the haggis if you like?

I thought I'd probably do that.

-As well as Tam?

-Well, as the master of ceremonies...

Fair enough.

Now, I've made an extra big pie for you to toast.

If I put her in the oven now she'll still be piping hot for when you stab her!

I can't address a pie.

-HE SIGHS

-Why not?

Well, it's a pie! It's absurd.

I'd look like a fool.

You are worried about looking daft?

Have you seen yourself lately?

It's like Scotland exploded!

-Well, there's no need to get...

-No, no, no...

It's this or nothing.

Either you get on board, or do us all a favour, take your ridiculous

trews and your pompous, superiority complex

and do one!

No...

That would be a mistake.

Gavin!

Alasdair again...

About that haggis?

Patrick!

Any news?

OK.

-Right, don't freak out.

-What?

I tried to help and I think I made it worse.

How? What is it?

Caitlin made the allegation. I challenged her and she kicked off. Threatened to phone the police.

-I don't believe this is happening.

-She's not going to do it.

How do you know? It's exactly the sort of thing that Caitlin would do.

Would you just leave it?

Now we know who it is, so we can talk to her, try and make her see sense.

I'm not going anywhere near her and neither are you.

You'll just let her drag your name through the mud?

I don't know what I'm going to do.

You need to speak to the Football Association,

tell them she's a classless hairy with an axe to grind.

If they can see the kind of woman she is, they'll see right through her.

Or they'll think I'm mud-slinging and trying to take the heat off me.

-I can't believe you're just accepting this.

-I'm not. I just...

I need time to figure it out.

-Figure what out? It's slander!

-It's...

It's complicated.

Is there something you're not telling me?

Like what?

Is the reason that you're not challenging this because...

-Because it might be true?

-What?!

Has something happened with Drew?

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me on!

I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you're being so weird about it.

I know how much you care for the boy and he looks up to you.

It doesn't mean that I fancy him! Jesus, Robbie.

I can't believe you said that.

I had to ask.

No, you didnae. I thought you knew me better than that.

It wasn't very nice, was it?

Being asked that.

How do you think it's going to feel when total strangers start asking questions?

If I thought it was true, even for a second,

how do you expect to convince the authorities that you're innocent?

If you stay quiet, people think you've got something to hide.

You need to cut ties with that boy. I mean it.

-So she wins?

-It's not about winning. It's about protecting yourself.

-And who's protecting Drew?

-Not you. Not any more.

-Do they help?

-Hmmm?

The rosary beads. Do they help?

Aye, I think so.

I suppose it gives you something to focus on...

Make you feel like you're doing something,

asking for help.

Oh, I'm not asking for help.

It's forgiveness I'm asking for.

Forgiveness for what?

For this.

This is all my fault.

How is it your fault?

She wasn't happy.

I couldn't see it. I didn't want to see it.

Come on, Scarlett, that's not true.

If I had listened to her.

If I'd heard what she was trying to tell me,

this might never have happened.

You don't know that.

What happened was a terrible accident.

You can't blame yourself for this.

That's the last thing that Kelly would want.

You need to stop thinking like this, cos it's just going to eat you up.

You're one of the strongest women I know.

And you're going to need to be strong for both of them.

DOORBELL RINGS

-Can we have a talk?

-Say what you've got to say.

Do you want people round here to know what you've done?

Five minutes.

Are you here to pick up where your pal left off?

-I'm not here to fight, Caitlin.

-Then why are you here?

Er, I'm here to apologise.

And to get you to drop the complaint.

Look...whatever I did to make you lash out like this, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you, I didn't mean to make you angry.

Whatever I did, I did because...

I was trying help.

We don't need anyone's help. We're doing fine.

You and me both know that's not true.

Drew needs help.

Not from me. I'll stay out the road, if you want,

but you need to talk to him.

Is that it?

Er...

If you drop the allegation I'll see if I can find

Drew a spot on another team.

Then I'll stay out of your life.

Why are you so interested in my son?

I just...

don't want him to turn out like me.

Drew's a good kid.

He's a credit to you.

And I know how quick life can change and...

I see that in him.

I don't want that for him.

Of course you don't.

I don't know how to help him.

I love the bones of that boy, but...

..I don't know what to do...

what to say...

He's in his own head all the time, like his father.

That's why you need to talk to him.

You know...

start the conversation.

Then...see what happens.

Patrick...

I'll call the football folk, tell them I got you wrong.

Thank you.

-It's fine...

-It's not fine. They're raw!

I don't know how this happened.

Why don't you stick them in now?

Because they'll never be ready in time.

I promised you I wouldn't leave you without any food to serve.

Why don't you box them up and give everybody a pie to take home with them?

It'll still be great promotion for you...

That's not the point.

I persuaded you to put this event on in the first place and I've ruined it.

-I'm sorry.

-It's not ruined.

We've still got Alasdair's heather ale and his world-famous Tam.

Aye, good old Alasdair to the rescue, eh?

I can't believe I'm saying this, but we're lucky he came on board

when he did, otherwise this evening really would be a damp squib.

-Oh.

-Eileen. There you are...

I thought you might want to wear this.

Oh, lovely, thanks.

Is anything the matter?

Oh there's something wrong with the oven. AJ's pies aren't ready.

Oh, no, this is a disaster.

We won't have anything to serve.

I thought you'd be relieved.

Well, I won't pretend I didn't think it was a terrible idea to serve such

bastardised fayre at a Burns supper, but something's better than nothing!

This could ruin the whole evening!

What are we going to do?

There's not much we can do!

I've still got the sides.

I could nip to the supermarket and round up all the spare haggis I can find?

Hang on. Leave it to me.

And if ye wish her grateful prayer

Gie her a Haggis!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Cheers.

I've got to hand it to him, he knows what he's doing.

Aye, he certainly does.

Oh, here, please make sure and thank Gavin.

He really saved the day, didn't he?

Oh, I will, but he was only too happy to oblige.

Like me, he's a stickler for tradition.

Kelly!

Kelly?

-Where's my daughter?

-OK, I'll get someone.

-Jimmy, Kelly-Marie's gone, they've taken her away.

-It's OK, she's OK.

I've just woken up and she's no' there. Where is she?

For an MRI scan. She's OK!

I thought she...

I know, I know, I know.

But she's all right.

-Where the hell were you?

-I went to get us some dinner!

That's all I could manage.

What were you thinking leaving me on my own like that, knowing I might wake up and think...

You should've woken me up when they took her. You should have told me!

You hadn't slept for days. I didn't want to disturb you.

It wasn't your decision to make.

It was my decision.

And do you know why?

You're my wife!

When Kelly-Marie wakes up, she's going to need you -

her and the baby - and it's my job to make sure you're still standing

when that happens.

You need to come home.

Madonna, she needs you, too.

Let me look after you.

Hi...

Er...

I wanted to say sorry for kicking off at you.

There's no need. You were right. I should have kept my nose out of it.

You were being a pal.

It's been a while since I've had one.

I meant to say before...

the police were looking for you earlier.

I'm assuming it's to do with all this.

Right.

Have you spoken to anyone at the football?

Spoke to Caitlin, though.

And what?

She says she's going to drop the allegations.

-So she says.

-No, she will.

In return for what?

To stay away from her and her weans.

Are you OK with that?

-I need to look after myself.

-What about the football?

Well, if she does what she said she's going to do,

then I'm sure I can smooth it out.

And Drew?

I think I'll need to find him another football team.

Anyway, that's another day. Right now, I want a pint.

I'm meeting Bob in the pub - do you want to come?

I've got too much homework to do.

My books are a mess, my business is going down the drain.

I need to decide what I'm doing with this place.

It looks as if that's what you want to do. Come on.

I want to buy you a drink to say sorry.

Let me at least make a start on it. I'll see you over there.

All right, I'll see you in a bit.

-You're a liar and a freak and I hate you.

-Hey, hey, hey! Back off!

You said you wouldn't tell her.

Tell her what?

-What did she say?

-Nothing. He told me.

-It slipped out.

-I told you not to say anything!

-I had to.

-You're a liar!

-Right, you need to go.

-Get your hands off me!

-Drew, I'm sorry.

You can shove it. You an' all.

I have warned you before, you scummy wee ned. Leave him alone.

You and your disgusting family have done enough damage. Get out.

Are you OK?

That's why you need to give that family a wide berth.

I know.

Go over to the Ship, Bob'll be waiting on you.

Go on and get him out of your head. I'll see you over there.

Right.

Oh, aye? What's this?

A bit of method acting to get you into the old Burns zone?

Or is it Dutch courage? Is that it?

No, not at all. It's...medicinal.

Just lubricating my vocal cords ahead of my Tam recital.

It's part of my warm-up, you see.

To ensure a smooth delivery.

At least one element of this evening will be done with aplomb,

in the traditional fashion, as befits the Bard.

-So, you're up soon?

-Yeah.

Yes.

Could you give me a wee hand with something?

No, I have to prepare.

I know, it won't take long. It's just...

I've got a surprise for Eileen stashed in the cellar.

Just a wee thank you from everyone for putting this thing together.

It hardly deserves rewarding.

I'm not asking you to review the evening.

Just a hand with some heavy lifting. Two minutes. Please.

-Very well.

-Thanks.

It's this way. Come on.

-Can I get you something?

-No, ta.

-All right, Ma? All right, Jimmy?

-Hiya, Bubba.

How are you holding up?

I can hardly string a sentence together. I'm all right.

Thanks to he who must be obeyed.

Any more news?

Er, we're heading back first thing.

I'm just heading across to meet Ellie, Angus and Patrick for a drink at The Ship.

Just popped in, see if you wanted to join us, but if you're knackered...

No, I couldn't face being round anybody the now. I need my bed.

-Cheers, though.

-Nae bother.

Why don't you go?

-No, I'll stay here with you.

-Don't be daft!

Are you gonnae stay here and watch me sleep? That's a bit creepy, isn't it?

Says the woman who's been watching somebody sleep for the last couple of days.

That's a concerned mother watching over her daughter.

It's not the same thing. Go and have a pint.

-Are you sure?

-Aye, of course.

-I'll just have the one.

-Heard it.

-If you need me, call me.

-I will.

See you, Ma.

Jimmy.

Is Scarlett no' with you?

Nae, she's in the house resting up.

-How's she doing?

-She's been better, but you brought up a warrior, Molly.

She's OK. Can I get you a drink?

No, no, thanks, Jimmy. I'm fine.

It's time for Alasdair's big moment. Have you seen him?

-Not for a while, no.

-Do you know where Alasdair is?

-No.

-He's supposed to be giving us his famous Tam.

He's probably got stage fright. We'll just skip it.

I could do it if you like?

-Do you know it?

-Aye, most of it.

You never said.

Annie and I did our fair share of Burns suppers down the years,

for the ex-pats down in that London.

She fair drilled it into me.

Well, the stage is yours, Mr Jandhu.

Thank you.

Everyone please, gather round for The Legend Of Tam O' Shanter.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

When chapmen billies leave the street,

and drouthy neibors, neibors meet.

As market days are wearing late, an' folk begin to tak the gate

While we sit bousing at the nappy

and getting fou and unco happy...

Help!

Help!

DISTANT APPLAUSE

DISTANT SIRENS

We think na on the lang Scots miles,

the mosses, waters, slaps and styles,

that lie between us and our hame.

Where sits our sulky sullen dame.

LAUGHTER

Gathering her brows like a gathering storm,

nursing her wrath to keep it warm.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

GLASS SMASHES

ELECTRICS SIZZLE

Eileen?

I'll be back in a minute, the barrel needs a change.

..truth shall read,

Ilk man and mother's son take heed..

Whene'er to drink

'you are inclin'd...'

Oh! It's you!

Think! Ye may buy joys o'er dear.

Remember Tam O' Shanter's mare.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh! There you are!

You let him do Tam?

I looked everywhere for you and I had to stick to the running order.

You can do your famous Tam next year.

The best-laid schemes of mice and men, eh?

Cretin!

Pardon me, sorry.

Alex?

It looks as though there was a small fire.

Number 18 Montego Street,

the hair salon.

My name?

Oh, it's...

Hello?

I cannae hear you, you're breaking up.

-Did you get your books sorted?

-I think so.

-Usual?

-Aye, please.

-Same again, please.

What's the big emergency?

You were begging to get Cal for the night

and now you're handing him back after a few hours.

What, is it too much like hard work?

-It's not like that, Jimmy.

-That's how it looks.

-What's going on?

-I don't know.

-They want to talk to me down at the station.

-What about?

I don't know. You need to take Cal home.

-Alex, what have you done?

-Nothing, I swear.

Ready to go, sir?

Let me just show these guys to the door.

Right, wee man. Time to go home with Papa.

I'll see you again soon, OK?

Tomorrow?

Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.

Thanks, Jimmy.

I'm sorry.

Drew! Wait.

Come here.

-Where've you been?

-Out.

Were you with him?

It's none of your business.

I phoned the football people.

Took back what I said.

Good.

Said they need a letter or an e-mail to make it official,

so maybe you can help me with that later.

Patrick will be allowed to coach you again

and the team will never know, so it's fixed.

Are we done?

I suppose.

Why did you make that stuff up about Patrick?

I told you, he looks down on us. I don't like it.

He's never looked down at me, or Jenny.

Fine. He looks down on me, then. Happy?

-So that's why you did it?

-I said so, didn't I?

What?

Nothing.

Ladies and gentlemen before our last entertainer,

Jimmy Mullen's has asked if he can say a few words...

Is Jimmy here?

He isn't.

OK...

I think what Jimmy wanted to say was that he and his family...

Eileen? Do you mind?

It's all yours.

What Jimmy was going to say was a big thank you to everybody

that's helped out the family over the last few days.

It's been rough, but, er,

we're all very touched by the messages of support

and all the help that we're getting at my ma's shop.

It means a lot.

He just wanted everybody to know how grateful we all are.

And Kelly-Marie will be, too, when she's back with us.

So just to show our thanks,

Angus Lindsey would like to buy everybody a drink!

I'm only joking. But, seriously,

thanks, everybody. Cheers.

APPLAUSE

So thank you all for coming.

Our last performance in tribute to the Bard is

a song from The Tall Ship's very own, Ellie McLean.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Erm, this is for Kelly-Marie

and for Stella.

# My love is like a red, red rose

# That's newly sprung in June

# My heart is like a melody

# That sweetly plays its tune

# So fair art thou my bonnie lass

# So deep in love am I

# And I will love thee still my dear

# Till all the seas gang dry

# Till all the seas gang dry, my dear

# And the rocks melt with the sun

# And I will love thee still my dear... #

Thanks - for making us do this. You were right.

You're most welcome.

# While the sands of time shall run

# So fare thee well my only love

# So deep in love am I

# And I will love thee still, my dear

# Till all the seas gang dry.

# And I will love thee still, my dear

# Till all...

# ..all the seas...

# ..gang dry... #

We need you to wake up now, darling. Come back to us.

This can't go on. Let's get you a job.

You have come this far, don't give up hope yet.

-Just say it.

-I was with someone.

-Who?

-Just trying out a new look.

-And what look's that, man in the grip of a mid-life crisis?

Miss Delaney, shall we step outside?

-Look at you.

-What?

Very smart.

Alex, deny it.

Listen...