06/11/2012 River City

-I'd like you to take this.

-Is this a wedding present?

Is that enough to save my son's life?

If you have any genuine affection for my son,

you will end this absurd charade.

Go for it.

That is just so sick on so many levels.

Robbie, do you have any idea what you've done?

For the first time ever, I feel like I actually have a father.

Thank you.

-Got a minute?

-Not really.

You haven't cashed my cheque.

No. I ripped it up.

Is that why you offered to be his witness?

Because you never thought it would actually happen?

As a child he could never make up his mind.

Football or cricket. Ice cream or chocolate.

He was even a vegetarian for five minutes.

Always starting things he'd never finish.

He's not a child any more. And I have to go.

Such a hothead, his teachers always said. Couldn't be told.

Did you tell him? About the cheque.

I didn't see the point.

Well, you know him best.

Will's waiting on me. We've got a rehearsal this afternoon.

But you already knew that.

I'm sorry. He must be on the underground.

I've got another couple arriving shortly.

Sorry. Hope you haven't started without me!

Better late than never.

You must be the registrar. Sorry my palms are a bit sweaty.

-I'm pure nervous.

-Shall we have a run-through?

-Aye.

-What kept you?

You know me and time!

Thought I was the workaholic.

If you'd like to face each other.

So I take it you're going to be on time tomorrow then?

That's why we agreed to go to the register office together.

So that I don't upstage you with some big entrance

and you don't get cold feet and run out on me!

We're really doing this, aren't we?

We really are.

Robbie? Robbie? I've been trying to call you.

I've had my phone switched off.

There's been a last-minute booking at the salon.

I'm switching you off.

No, she's dead insistent that she sees you today.

Well, she can get to...

One last client won't take you long.

Won't take me long to boot her out that chair.

Hiya. Look I can't cut your hair.

I don't know if Kelly-Marie explained,

but I'm getting hitched tomorrow.

Not without me, you're not.

You're here early. And you are...!

Pregnant, yes!

-Oh, thank God.

-Did you think I was just fat?

-Cuddlier than I remembered!

-You spotted the difference, then?

Hard not to. That's fantastic.

Congratulations! How did it happen!

I'll explain it to you when you're all grown up.

Me getting married and you a mammy. Talk about being grown up!

I know. I still cannae get used to it.

Here, join the club!

That better not steal my thunder tomorrow!

Aye, right!

Right, you, take these people to the pub.

-I'm going to lock up.

-And no getting drunk.

I do not want to look like a half shut knife on my wedding day.

Your stylist's got her work cut out as it is!

I will gie you that one because you're pregnant.

-Come on, you.

-You're back!

What a gorgeous and thoughtful man I'm marrying.

Well, I just wanted to do something nice for you.

And I wanted my dad to meet the other witnesses ahead of tomorrow.

You've invited him to our drinks?

Yeah, I thought he'd say no, but he didn't. Amazing, eh?

I really think he is coming around.

-There you go.

-Lovely.

Cheers.

And for the mother of my child,

a glass of the Tall Ship's finest lemonade.

I can't believe I can't drink at your wedding!

Ah, don't worry, after this one, I'll be on the wagon

with you and wee Robbie!

Or Roberta if it's a girl!

I need to talk to you about the hotel.

Don't worry about it, it's on me.

I wasn't sure about having any of our celebrations here,

but this way, Deek still gets to be involved.

Sorry I couldn't come to his funeral. The stress of it all.

He would have been so pleased for you.

Come here, you. Missed you.

Right. Now the party can really begin.

Mum, Dad!

Sit down, we see you all the time.

Where's that gorgeous man of yours. And his even more gorgeous father?

My wife! Such a class act.

Don't worry, he'll be here soon, don't you worry.

-This is Tom.

-Hi.

Oh, beautiful. Absolutely beautiful, darlin'.

Wait till your daddy sees you.

Jimmy. Are you conscious yet?

Do another twirl.

What's going on? I was working till after one o'clock last night

and I've got this wedding later on.

It's your daughter, Jimmy.

It's her first ballet class today, remember.

See the wee tutu and the shoes. I seen them yesterday.

I couldn't resist them.

Aye, I saw a crackin' flat-screen telly in a shop,

but I managed to resist.

Just ignore, Daddy.

What if she doesn't like it?

Of course she's going to like it, aren't you, sweetheart?

Mummy never had the chance.

Grandma Molly said I had two left feet.

-Aye, maybe she's got a point.

-What do you know about it?

I've danced with you, remember?

Cannae remember the last time.

My toes and ankles do.

Anyway, wee Madonna's going to be much, much better

than Mummy even dreamed of being.

She couldn't be any worse.

Right, I need to get to my work.

I'll be back later to take her for her first ballet lesson.

See you, Princess.

Do you know which teabags Molly usually gets?

Zinnie.

What, how would I know?

How are you feeling?

Still a bit embarrassed. But better, thanks.

And Molly?

She hasn't really been out since the attack.

I'm hoping she'll try for Robbie and Will's reception.

Gay weddings. How times have changed.

You're lucky that Molly's OK with the whole gay thing.

-Me?

-After that spin-the-bottle incident.

That...didn't mean anything.

If you say so.

It was just a game. A joke.

Looked pretty convincing from where I was. Well, on your part.

Maybe not Nicole's.

From neither of us.

Maybe I could think of a way to get you to pay us a bit more.

Oh, aye!

-Please!

-I don't want to know.

About what?

Our love life.

It's the best bit about falling out, though,

isn't it, Stevie? The making up?

You lassies are worse for details than us guys.

What are we supposed to wear tomorrow?

Dunno. Usual waitressing gear, I suppose. Black or black and white.

-As long as it's sexy.

-I'll do my best.

You two are waitressing at Robbie and Will's reception?

Did I not tell you?

Haven't really seen each other for you to tell me.

Suppose not.

How've you been since the party?

Just trying to get back to normal.

What have you two been up to?

Not much. Just hanging out, really, haven't we?

In fact, we better sort out what we're going to wear tomorrow.

Nicole. We're all right, aren't we?

Of course. Why wouldn't we be.

When did they get so friendly?

Last few weeks, I suppose.

I don't suppose you need any more help?

She's been a very special friend to our Robbie.

I know.

Are you sure you're good enough for her?

Leave the poor boy alone, Campbell.

I'm just saying what needs to be said!

He's about to become a father. It's a big responsibility.

Don't you think you should be having this man to man with Will?

If he's good enough for our son, he's good enough for us!

To Will?

My future husband in 22 hours, 13 minutes and 8 seconds!

ALL: Cheers.

Dad!

Come on in. We're on bubbly. Do you want a whisky?

Happy to go with the flow. Let me get a round in.

Great.

-Hi again.

-What are you doing?

Stevie asked if I wanted to help too.

-I thought we should try and plan outfits.

-Cool.

I was going anyway,

I thought I should try and make some money out of it.

You don't mind, do you?

If Stevie says he need someone else, he needs someone else.

Is Alice coming too or are you on your own?

We're upstairs.

You know Robbie's parents, of course.

Sue. Campbell.

No need for formalities. We're practically related.

And this is Hayley, Robbie's witness for the wedding tomorrow,

and her partner, Tom.

-How do you do?

-I'll never remember all these names.

Robbie. Get a chair for your father-in-law.

-There you go.

-Here we are, folks.

How are the blushing bridegrooms feeling?

All right, enough of the jokes, thanks.

I heard you'd made a surprise appearance!

-She's full of surprises.

-Oh, my God!

Isn't it the best news ever?

Well, except from me getting married!

I didn't know you were trying.

-Neither did we!

-Are you sure that's not Brighton rock

and fish and chips in there?

Ha-ha(!) Actually...

Tom and I were wondering if you'd like to be godparent?

Are you kidding?

We can handle my godchild for holidays and weekends, can't we?

I don't know who'll be looking after who, though!

Imagine that. It'll be like being grandparents!

Imagine!

Oh, I need a photo of both of you.

-Huh?

-Up, up.

-OK.

-Aw.

-Aw, that's nice. That's great.

How does this look?

Maybe a bit more subtle.

I don't usually wear things like this.

You look great. You've got good legs. You should show them off.

And who am I showing them to?

Well, weddings are meant to be great for pulling.

Maybe not this wedding.

Why are you so keen to pair everybody off?

Being a couple's great.

Having a man around, it makes me feel safe.

What is this? The 1950s?

It's true. And there's the sex.

Are we going to get those gory details now?

Stevie certainly looks like he'd know what he was doing.

He does.

Just think, if you got yourself a boyfriend, we could double-date.

Practically a group booking if I met someone too.

What are you doing?

Seeing if a different top looks better.

Aren't you going to try something?

Yeah. In the bathroom.

I thought I was going to have to hide under a wig

for the rest of my life until Robbie made me feel normal again.

-He gave me back my confidence, didn't he, Hayley?

-He did.

You're one of the lucky ones. My wife died of cancer.

I'm sorry, I didn't realise.

It was a long time ago. But I still miss her.

Particularly around your son's wedding, I'm sure.

-Yes.

-Your weans are what you live for, aren't they?

Madonna, my youngest, she's my shining light.

The older ones don't really need me any more.

Still, you never stop wanting what's best for them, do you?

No, you don't.

Excuse me.

You're going to find that out, Hayley.

Are we going to this ballet thing or what?

Aye, all right, it was nice meeting you.

Excuse me. I haven't really spoken to Robbie.

There you are, pal. Fresh from the tap.

Sorry Will was a bit humourless before.

Think he's nervous about tomorrow.

Who wouldn't be nervous marrying you?!

Ha-ha(!)

Robbie.

Your parents and friends are good people.

Just a wee bit gullible.

About our chat this morning, perhaps that cheque was an insult.

Is that an apology?

I'd do anything to secure my son's happiness.

So would I?

Then how much will it take? Name your price?

I don't have one. Excuse me.

Remember, nice pointy toes,

nice, big, high kicks, just like your mammy showed you.

You look brilliant, pal.

There's a lot pink in one room.

Daring to be different, sure you are, Madonna?

Standing out from the crowd. That's what it's all about.

What are you looking at?

Worst thing about being a mammy - all the other mammies!

And I'd heard the dads at the football were bad.

Nothing on this lot.

OK, girls, let's come and find your space.

That's them about to start.

Right, darlin', don't be shy, go over to your teacher.

We'll call at the sweetie shop on the way home.

You can spend all your pocket money.

OK, turn your toes out into a smiley face, hands on your waist.

Hands here, ready. Bend your knees and one

and two and three and four

and five and six and seven and eight.

One hand up to the top.

One and two, other hand, three and four.

I don't want to have another conversation with you.

How long have you actually known my son? Six months?

Leave me alone.

If things are so rock solid between you and Will, then convince me.

Will proposed to me. Not the other way around.

My son likes to rebel occasionally.

-The novelty never lasts.

-You mean you sort it behind his back.

You're not the first, no. Others have had the good sense to move on.

If this is what he's had to put up with, then no wonder...

No wonder...? Will has always been an intense young man.

-He likes to be in control.

-Speak for yourself.

We're alike. I don't deny it. He prefers things on his terms.

Look at the career he's chosen. The ultimate in control.

Power. It takes a strong partner to deal with that.

With or without me, he will still be gay.

He's about as comfortable with that as I am.

Only when you're around.

I admit, I like to think I know my son,

but of course I can't say what goes on behind closed doors.

You seem upset. I'll do as you request and leave you alone.

Have another drink, Robbie.

Things might seem clearer in the morning.

Urgh!

And up and down, point your toes.

Forward, one and two

and three and four.

And five and six and seven and eight.

Reach up to the top.

One and two and heel to your tippy-toes.

Turn round on your tippy-toes.

Hands back on our waist. Ready, turn your toes out

and two and three and four and five and six...

-What's that?

-We're always getting stuff shoved at us.

Little Miss Christmas.

-A beauty pageant! At their age?

-That's ridiculous.

Who'd enter a wean into something like that?

Who knows! It's ridiculous.

GIRL SCREAMS Madonna!

Oh, darling, what's happened?

I'm so glad you called me Robbie and not Bob.

That'd make life dead difficult around here.

We've got Big Bob, we've got Wee Bob. What would that make me?

-What's he like?!

-Husband-to-be, on a scale of wee to big, what am I?

How much have you had to drink?

Not exactly a wee bit. But not exactly a big bit either.

HE LAUGHS

Come on, we best be getting home.

Now we know who wears the trousers!

I don't know what plans you've made, son,

but I would like to drive you to the ceremony tomorrow.

Thanks, Dad. I'd like that.

Perhaps at least one of you should get an early night.

Are you coming or not?

He'll be all right, lad. He's just like his father.

Never had a hangover in his life.

And all those times I've cleaned up after you?

Well, we best be getting off. I'll say good night, folks.

Stupid teacher. Pushed them too hard.

-Is it broke?

-I don't think so. Just a bad strain.

Thank God for that.

So a wee bit of ice on it,

and she'll be up on her feet in a few days, aye?

You don't want her doing herself any permanent damage.

I'll write you a note to keep her off school this week.

-No. You cannae!

-Childcare problems?

No, they're choosing parts for the nativity.

Maybe she'll just have to be satisfied with the chorus this year.

Chorus! It's hardly going to be a proper nativity without Madonna.

I'm sorry about that. That wasn't what I had planned.

Not your fault, son. The Frasers are certainly a colourful lot.

That's what I love about them. They don't apologise for anything.

Still, you don't want a lifetime of having to.

You know, even at this late stage,

there'd be no shame in calling the whole thing off.

Robbie had a bit too much to drink, that's all.

Sometimes the things you think you love about a person

are the very things that destroy a relationship.

But if you believe it's right for you,

then I'll just have to accept it.

Did your sister not think

it was an important enough occasion to come home for?

It's a lot of money to fly over at this time of year.

I thought she earned a lot of money.

Always knew she'd do well.

We're going to go and see her when we're on honeymoon.

I thought you might want this.

Your mother always said you kids were her finest achievement.

That the four of us were a proper family.

I'll see you in the morning.

See you.

Robbie. You all right?

Nobody else can see it but me.

See what? Robbie, talk to me.

Why are you hitting it like there's no tomorrow...

Maybe there shouldn't be a tomorrow...

or a wedding or any of it.

Don't be daft. Do you want me to go get Will?

No. No, no, no.

How far would you go to protect that wee baby inside of you?

My mum and dad would kill for me.

Maybe it's just the same.

Or in his head it is, at least.

Look, I could tell that he wasn't as OK with it as your parents.

But he came today.

Only to talk me out of it.

What makes you think that?

The open cheque book he waved in my face.

You're kidding?

I'm surprised Will wants him at the wedding.

He does know? You have told him?

Robbie, you can't keep something like that from him.

His relationship with his dad is fragile enough.

What about your relationship?

It'll be fine. I can handle it. Will never has to know.

-All right? All right.

-OK.

If Mary's just given birth to the baby Jesus,

she shouldn't be moving about too much anyway.

I wonder if they'd just let her sit down.

Mary and Joseph have got to follow the star to the inn somehow.

Aye, but she'll be on a donkey.

What if they want her to be the donkey?

-Don't be stupid.

-You were the donkey one year.

I've got a good mind to sue that teacher.

Madonna's dance career could have been finished before it even started!

I've got the website up for you, Scarlett.

Some of the outfits the kids are wearing must cost a fortune.

The mothers that go in for that sort of thing must be mental.

What are you doing?

Hi. I hope I didn't wake you up.

I was trying to be quiet. Do you want something to eat?

It's late.

It's all right, I'm making some anyway.

-Robbie, come to bed.

-There's an offer I cannae refuse.

-Robbie!

-What's that?

The flowers for tomorrow.

For God's sake! Doesn't this mean anything to you?

Why did you have to go and get yourself in such a state?

I'm going to bed.

Nicole leant me a really nice top. Wasn't that nice of her?

Very generous.

-She's a good friend.

-Aye. When it suits.

You didn't get the right tea, by the way.

You should have come with me.

Robbie and Will will be arriving at the ceremony in a couple of hours.

I bet those two boys'll look very handsome.

You'll see for yourself. What are you going to wear?

Ach, it's ages before the do.

And with me on waitress duties,

you won't miss out on any of the food or drink!

-You'd better get in the shower.

-Right.

Probably for the best we never spent last night together.

Bad luck and all that.

DOORBELL RINGS

That'll be Hayley.

I'll go. You get yourself cleaned up.

-Hi.

-Hi.

So, is he ready for me to work my magic?

He's in the shower. And he's going to need more than magic.

I'm a miracle worker, didn't you know!

The miracle might have been keeping him sober last night.

-It wasn't my fault.

-Then whose was it?

Look, I'm here to support Robbie today. That is all.

Support? Why, what happened?

Hayley? Why did Robbie get so drunk last night?

I don't know. Why don't you ask your father.

What's that supposed to mean?

Come on, you, time to go!

Robbie? Is there something you're not telling me.

DOOR CLOSES

I thought you agreed last night you weren't going to say anything?

-I didn't.

-Only cos I stopped you.

-Hang on a wee minute...

-No. You promised.

He's going to know something's up now. You had nae right.

Will had a go at me and now you are.

I didn't come here for this.

I suppose you told Tom an' all?

I was upset for you.

It was none of your business.

I don't have to put up with this.

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you.

We're just under a lot of pressure, that's all.

Will's dad's against us. Against me.

You did the right thing telling him where to shove his offer.

If Will does challenge his dad, he's bound to take your side.

-Yeah.

-It's between them now.

Families, eh?

DOORBELL RINGS

The car's parked downstairs.

You better come in.

Everything all right?

Why? Shouldn't it be?

You're not dressed for the wedding.

I've been thinking a lot about what you said last night.

I see.

Yesterday at the pub, did you talk to Robbie much?

Not really.

I'm just wondering what might have happened

-to make him to get so drunk.

-Does he need a reason?

Don't put him down.

You agreed to be my witness today. Even offered to drive me.

Yet five minutes later you suggested I call it off.

Isn't it a father's duty to have that conversation?

If that's what you said to me, what did you say to Robbie?

Am I talking to my son or Detective Cooper?

Has he had this grilling?

-I'm asking you.

-I won't be treated like a suspect.

And I won't be treated like a child. It's my life.

Exactly. And that's why I can't just stand by

and watch you throw it all away.

You did say something, didn't you?

-I was testing him, that's all.

-Testing him?

To see if he was any more genuine than the others.

What others? What did you do?

I offered him money to walk away. He turned me down.

It didn't work.

But it has before?

Oh, my God.

Oh, Campbell. Look.

Don't start the waterworks before we've even begun!

I can't help it.

Mum, you look fantastic.

She's been ready since seven this morning!

You shouldn't be out here when Will arrives. It's bad luck.

Have you found a loo yet? I can't go five minutes any more.

Just you wait, love.

Are the boys all right?

Just a wee bit of last-minute nerves, is all.

I'll keep an eye out for Will.

Was it a bad one? Argument?

We've had worse.

I can't pretend to know exactly how it works between two men, son.

Relationships are relationships, I suppose.

What I can tell you is marriage is a big ask.

But your mum is the last person I want to see at night.

And the first person I want to wake up to in the morning.

I hope it's the same for her.

It's what we both want for you.

Thanks, Dad, that's great.

But I don't think there's going to be a wedding.

I stand by every decision I've ever made for you, Will.

I'd do it all again.

All my life I've tried to please you. To get your approval.

And I've tried to give you opportunities I never had.

It's always been about you.

That's not true. You just don't see your own potential.

And you don't see me.

Other than an extension of yourself.

You don't see any of us.

What are you talking about?

The family photo you gave me.

I don't think it quite had the effect you intended.

There was no intention.

Do you remember that day?

Yes.

Your mother and Rebecca and I travelled miles

to see you play football.

"Travelled miles to see you play like a girl."

That's what you said to me, because I didn't score.

Mum tried to defend me and you just shouted at her telling her

she didn't know what she was talking about.

She cowered and didn't speak for the rest of the day.

That's how I remember her.

Always cowering from you.

Never daring to answer you back.

We have very different memories.

We were devoted.

I gave her a good life.

I provided for you all.

I never said you didn't. You just wanted so much in return.

I was only saying last night how proud I am of your sister.

She doesn't work for the bank any more, Dad. She hated it.

She's retraining to be a teacher. She's just too scared to tell you.

That's ridiculous.

Is it?

You ruled us all by fear.

And yesterday, you tried it on Robbie.

And he's your great antidote to me, is he?

My relationship is no longer your business. Nothing I do is.

You're cutting me out of your life?

If that's what it takes.

This is a lonely road you're travelling, Will.

He won't bring you anything but trouble.

I don't think I'll be the one who ends up alone.

It's funny.

Your greatest fear is me being gay.

My greatest fear is turning out like you.

You can't hide in a marriage, Will.

For some reason, all of us hurt those closest to us.

I just hope you can do better.

Could be stuck in traffic.

We all made it here all right.

Look, I'm really sorry for dragging you all the way up here.

What are you talking about?

I think me and Will are done.

Hayley and me say that all the time.

This isn't something that'll just blow over.

OK. Try finding out

you're having a baby when you've not been speaking for a week!

We've had our moments. Everything told us both that we wouldn't work.

Did our best to avoid each other if you remember?

But here we are. Nearly a family.

I can't imagine my life without either of them.

It just sounds so simple.

Nah. The ones that really mean something are never simple.

I just thought if I could get him to the wedding,

everything would be all right.

And is it?

He put you through hell, didn't he?

He's a clever man.

Not clever enough for you.

I didn't want to make you choose between us.

It was me who put you in that position.

I just didn't realise how weak I was around him.

Is that how I make you feel?

Sometimes.

Then don't marry me, Robbie.

He's never wanted you to be who you are.

That's got to have an effect.

27 years you've had to put up with that.

That ended today.

I told him I didn't want him in my life any more.

Our life.

You make it sound so simple.

Nah. The ones that really mean something are never simple.

Are you sure? I'd totally understand if...

I'm sure.

One problem.

I'm short a witness.

Do you think you can cope with a bit of improvisation?

I think I can cope with anything now.

MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

If you'd like to stand.

We are here today to witness the civil partnership

of Robbie and Will...

Actually, can I say something first?

It's your ceremony.

Brace yourselves - he's freestyling here.

I just want to apologise to everyone for being late.

Sorry, if I made anyone worry.

Robbie...we both wondered if we'd be standing here today.

But we are. And I have you to thank for that.

In my heart, I know that I'm a better man with you than without you.

You're not only my soulmate, you're my best friend.

With you as my husband, I know that I can be the man I want to be.

Not the man I'm expected to be and not the man you've sometimes seen.

-OK?

-OK.

I pledge to share my life openly with you.

I pledge to share my life openly with you.

I promise to cherish and tenderly care for you.

I promise to cherish and tenderly care for you.

To honour and encourage you.

To honour and encourage you.

I will respect you and be true to you in good times and bad.

I will respect you and be true to you in good times and bad.

Do you have the rings ready?

I give you this ring as a token of my love, passion and affection,

now and always.

I give you this ring as a token of my love, passion and affection,

now and always.

Robbie and Will, I have great pleasure in congratulating you

on being partners in life!

APPLAUSE

Bloody marvellous!

I've done my bit. The rest is over to you.

MUSIC: "Caliban's Dream" by Underworld

# As the rain tossed above us In the garden of the world

# But a flame arrives to guide us

# Past the gold between the angles of the stars

# Watch you over All the children in the rain

# And the streets where I remember

# Where the fire lights A candle soars again... #

-To us.

-To us. ALL:

-Cheers.

THEY CHATTER

Lots of luck.

THEY LAUGH

So...

how do I look?

How do YOU look?

I'd say you'd better watch yourself.

You might have double the appeal in that suit.

You think?

Well, everyone's welcome to look, as long as they don't touch.

Right, platters at the ready, ladies.

I think I know why Nicole's so desperate for you to get a boyfriend.

So you'll keep your paws off hers.

No chance.

-You don't fancy Stevie?

-I might.

If I fancied boys, but...

I don't.

So, I was thinking,

Kelly-Marie's with Madonna the now,

but she really wants to go to that do.

So, if you're not feeling up to it,

maybe you could take over.

-Me?

-Well, she is your granddaughter.

And I mean, Robbie and Will don't want any fuss anyway.

I'll have you know, they two boys might not be together at all

if it wasn't for me.

I was the one that convinced Robbie not to let his attack hold him back.

And I was right. As usual.

No. You'll need to find somebody else.

I've got a frock to put on.

I'm starting to feel a bit squiffy, I need to eat soon.

So do I.

-Is this a special occasion or what?

-Aw, Molly, welcome to our wee perty.

Oh, I wouldn't have missed it for the world, son!

Right, speech!

Oh, maybe later, we've only just got here.

-That's what I mean. Get the boring stuff out the way, eh?

-My husband's the gobby one.

Who, me? You do the speech, and I'll do the heckling!

There's some messages here. I'll read them out instead - how's that?

From Iona.

Dear Will and Robbie, sorry I'll be Down Under on your wedding night.

How about you two?

Disgusting! I don't know what she means!

And this is from my sister, Rebecca.

To Will and Robbie. I'm so proud of you, big brother.

Some of us travel halfway round the world before we can really be ourselves.

You obviously found that courage. I didn't.

Make sure to stop off and see me on your honeymoon.

I can't wait to meet Robbie.

If you love him, he must be very special.

She's a clever lassie, her!

Let's raise a glass to absent friends. Rebecca,

Iona, Deek...

and my mother.

Absent friends.

It's all right for a wedding this, don't you think?

I've only ever been to my mum and Bob's.

Do you reckon you'll ever do it?

Never even crossed my mind.

If you're...

What?

..not into guys, didn't all that spin-the-bottle stuff weird you out?

How?

The way the guys get into it, watching us girls kiss.

If I don't judge other people, then they can't judge me.

Are you attracted to Nicole?

She's pretty.

Bit mean on the inside, so... she's not really my type.

But you are.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

(I hope you didn't mind?)

Good.

Been dying to do that for ages.

-Taxi for the airport?

-Yes, that's us!

-Your bags are in the back.

-Brilliant.

-We need a family photo before they go.

-I'll take it.

Thank you.

Right.

-Hayles, come and get in the photo.

-Me?

-Yes, you, come on.

Take your time. In the middle.

THEY LAUGH

-Right. Say cheese. ALL:

-Cheese!

-Have you not got a bouquet to throw, Robbie?

-What do you take me for?

Here, I suppose this would do, wouldn't it?

Use this. Right, hold on.

Ready?

CHEERING

Oh, that'll do me! All we've got to do now is find her a boyfriend!

Right, come on, let's go.

EXCITED CHATTERING

GENTLE BACKGROUND MUSIC DROWNS OUT SPEECH

Come on, you, hurry up!

Bye!

Do you seriously think I would let someone take over my friends' homes

who didn't have a proven track record and the best of intentions?

Come on now, it's me you're talking to.

It's the IVF.

What did Bob say?

He doesn't know.

Is this for real?

You can't just parachute in and turn us out on the street. It's nonsense.

-I thought you said he was brilliant. You're going to have to do something.

-You're right, I will.

-I asked to meet you to discuss Stuart.

-There's nothing to discuss.

You've ruined enough lives for today,

he's coming with me before your ruin his as well.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd