Episode 6 The A Word

Do you ever think you're going mad and you've got everything wrong?

And as for your actual feelings, I'm just going to have to guess?

Well, don't guess too hard, cos you might just get them right.

-Are we sorted?

-Will you marry me?

-What?!

I've volunteered to help out at a primary school.

You're the only person I've told.

-Why don't you stay?

-Well, it'd be hard to move now

I've made myself comfy in this Slough of Despond.

We never talk about it.

I don't want to talk about it. I wanted to bury it.

And bury us along with it.

This programme contains some strong language.

# I was woken up at 4am by your screams and anguished cries

# Your mother was singing in the bathroom

# "She will never be my child"

# Oh, baby talks in her sleep so loud

# We're living four flights up

# But I swear right now it feels like underground

SIRENS BLARE

# You have absolutely no common sense

# Yes, I know that's your charm

# You spend the whole day on the phone

# You say well, it helps you stay calm

# You cling to my arm Yes, I know that's your charm... #

BUZZER

You got a light, mate?

No.

# Well, then could you give me some peace

# You say, "Well, maybe for a while"

# Sometimes, you know, you could almost be a child

# Oh, must you tell me all your secrets

# When it's hard enough to love you knowing nothing

# We're living four flights up

# But I swear right now it feels like underground

# You are your own worst enemy

# So don't expect my sympathy

# Oh, go back to your mother's house

# And cry your little heart out

# We're living four flights up

# But I swear right now it feels like underground. #

DOOR SLIDES OPENS Morning.

Mine's a full English, since you're asking.

It's all right in here, isn't it?

You've found yourself a perfect little escape hatch.

Cos let me tell you, son, there's nothing but grief out there,

and its follow up, Grief Two.

You've got everything you need right here.

And I won't tell anybody if you don't.

What was Grandad doing here?

What was Grandad doing here?

You gotta move it to prove it.

Move it to prove it.

Come on.

HE BREATHES DEEPLY

MAURICE SNORES SPORADICALLY

HE SNORES

# Well, it seems so real... #

I like running at night. That's all there is to it.

-Is there a law against it?

-Depends which shorts you're wearing.

Dad, the reason you're running at night is cos you're holed up

in here during the day.

You're hiding. We know who you're hiding from.

-Oh, do we?

-I'm saying Louise in the dining room

with the lead piping.

We know you asked her to marry you and we know she said no.

-How do you know?

-Ralph told Eddie.

-Does everyone know?

-No, no.

-I don't think the Polish lads know.

-They do, actually.

Oh, well, then just us and Ralph and the Polish lads.

And we told Rebecca cos she was worried about you.

And I asked Nicola for advice.

OK, so just us, Ralph, Rebecca, Nicola and the Polish lads.

-Is it any wonder I'm hiding?

-Ah, so you are hiding!

HE SIGHS

Look, Dad, I know it feels like the hardest thing is to go round

and talk to her, but sometimes the hardest thing is the right thing.

Isn't that what Tony Blair said just before we invaded Iraq?

Just sort it out.

It was your idea for me to go round there in the first place!

And my last words were "Don't do anything rash."

This time, go and see her and clear this up.

And if you feel a sudden proposal coming on,

-just splash your face with cold water, right?

-Right.

-So go and get dressed, then. I'll take you round now.

-Now?

Yes, now.

OK, we'll put Ramesh on after Lois, Scarlet, Millie and Helena.

Maisie, you have settled on China In Your Hand now, have you?

Cos it's too late to change your mind now.

I am trying to concentrate but the girls keep doing cartwheels at me.

Girls! Girls! That corner is quiet space.

Dance moves in that corner.

-Yes, Ella?

-Lois said that I can't wear the blue T-shirt

but my mum said blue brings out my eyes.

If they're looking at your T-shirt,

you've lost the audience anyway, sweetheart.

I will have a little word with Lois and see what I can do.

But if you can't sort it out,

then you'll both be doing it in your PE kits.

I thought a bit of food might help things along.

-Where do you want it?

-Not in here, Dad.

We'll be doing a complete run-through in one minute!

All right, Millcross Primary School, fame costs,

and right here is where you start paying.

Are you sure you've done enough?

I thought we were just doing crisps and nuts and drinks.

Drinks! I'm going to have to go back.

It looks great in there, though.

-Hasn't she done well?

-Brilliantly, yeah.

So you see, I can live a fulfilling life and still live here.

I could set up a stage school.

Oh, come on, guys, I was joking.

Do you really think I was being serious?

You came home in a campervan the other day.

This is wonderful, though. You've always been good with kids.

-Thank you.

-I'm just saying, it might be something

-you want to think about.

-Like teacher training?

-Yeah, if you like.

-We could do it together, maybe.

-What?

Except you're way ahead of me on that one.

Volunteering in a school next year,

going on training courses. Stuart told me all about it.

I just mentioned it to Stuart when he was round the other day.

It sounds great, Mum, and good for you,

-but it isn't what I want to do.

-OK.

Any other plans you want to share with me

or should I just give Stuart a ring?

I'll ask him.

He's all right.

All I mentioned was that I'd been thinking about it

and that I'd volunteered next term at a school.

Just two afternoons a week. It's not a big deal.

Well, if it's not a big deal, then why tell your ex and not me?

Let me see now.

Could it be because you're so stuck in your own head

you're not listening to anyone else?

Are you pissed off with me because I've made some plans and not

told you or because you don't think I should be making any plans at all?

I don't know. Maybe Stuart knows.

Well, for what it's worth, Stuart thinks I should just be

popping out another baby and then I'd have something to do.

You can put your mind to rest on that score.

That's the last thing I want for us.

When did you change your mind?

You don't want another child, Alison,

and I don't want another child.

So what does it matter when I changed my mind?

Is it that you don't want another child or you just don't want

-another child with me?

-See, now you're putting words in my mouth.

Because somebody has to! You're not telling me anything.

# Just to see if you glow in the dark

# Sha-la-la-la

# Sha-la-la-la... #

How much trouble are we in here, Paul?

Cos the other day you were telling me that you hated Joe's autism

and now this, so I...

Let's not blame Joe for the fact that we don't want another kid.

Oh, right. OK.

Who shall we blame?

It's us, Alison. Blame us.

You gotta move it to prove it.

Move it to prove it.

I'm not going to run out of petrol if I drive up

to the front door, you know?

How would it look if she saw you dropping me off?

-Like I was dropping you off.

-No, like I'd brought...back-up,

like it was a big deal.

If I walk up, it can look like I just happened to be passing

and casually dropped by.

Whatever you say, Dad.

I'm coming with you.

-Do you remember when we used to play cards with your mum and dad?

-Yeah.

What was it called, that game?

It was like...bridge, but working class.

-Solo.

-Solo!

Yeah, no, that was it.

And your mum would always have a glass of wine.

Just the one.

-And if I ever poured her another glass she'd go, "Oh, no."

-Yeah.

I remember one night...

..I must've drunk the rest of that bottle cos I was well gone,

but I said, erm...

I said, "You've got great self-control."

And do you know what she said?

She said...

"If I get drunk, Paul, then the truth might come pouring out.

"And once it starts, it might never stop."

Well, that's just a mum thing.

Every mum feels like that from time to time.

That's how I feel.

I feel like I've opened the door on us and...

And all the bad stuff's just...

It's pouring out and...

..I can't make it stop.

There, that's why I didn't want to talk about it.

-Bad stuff like what?

-Let's just get the drinks.

Let's get the day done and get back to the school.

No, no, no. Come on. At least I tell you my feelings.

Why don't you try and tell me yours?

-I just want to run away.

-From what?

From this. From this, all this. From everything.

Let's just get the drinks.

Don't you don't think I want to run away?

Don't you think I get scared of all this stuff?

Fine. Don't let me have any feelings of my own.

-Yours are much more important.

-I'm not saying that.

I had a child when I was 18.

I've been frightened every day since.

And then you came along and you made everything less terrifying.

Until now.

Now you're scaring me because the man I knew...

The man I know...

It's like you're disappearing in front of my eyes.

It's because we live separately, Alison. We're living separate lives.

It's because of Joe. But we agreed on that.

But it's more than just being in different cities!

And... And being apart, it's confirmed something I think

deep down that we both already knew.

No, don't, don't say this, Paul.

Don't.

Look, it doesn't take two of us to do this.

Where are you going?

-We're separate, Alison.

-No.

-We are.

I think we just need to be honest about it now.

MOBILE RINGS

Hello?

What?

Right, fourth emergency service at your disposal.

What's the problem?

Can we leave off the hide and seek now?

I'm running out of energy.

I think the words you're looking for are,

"I've been expecting you, Mr Bond."

Maurice, we both know that deep down

-you didn't really want to marry me, did you?

-Hang on a sec!

No, you just panicked at the thought I was going to chuck you

and you proposed.

I've known a lot of men respond to panic by proposing.

-It never ends well.

-How many men, exactly?

It's not important.

Next time, why not just ask me how I'm feeling?

Or tell me how you're feeling or tell me you're worried.

Just don't ask me to marry you.

You could at least pretend to be flattered.

Why? I knew it wasn't coming from the right place.

It'd be fair to say that short of kidnapping Ralph,

proposing was just about the worst thing you could've done.

Right! Right.

So it's not a "no" then?

I don't want to marry you, Maurice.

But I would, to coin a phrase, like to knock about with you.

Clean slate, day one.

How about it?

Good. Great. Day one?

Good.

Great.

# Is it underneath the willow tree

# That I've been dreaming of? #

Just a touch more expression, Bill, I think.

There you go, Ramesh. Perfect fit.

It is a realistic hat.

But I would rather not dress up as a magician.

I've a lounge suit at home. I'll get it this afternoon.

A lounge suit? OK.

Joe, how about you?

I'm going to dress up as Joe.

Course you are.

Er, where's Dad? Is he OK? He seemed a bit...

Oh, don't worry about Dad. He's just got one of those faces.

It's the Stockport side of the family.

I didn't drop you in it before

telling him about the volunteering stuff, did I? I thought he'd know.

No, of course you didn't, love. Course not.

-Mum?

-It's just...

Sorry, it's just this. It's...

Sorry. It's great you getting this off the ground

and including Joe in it all.

Is it good being back at your old school, Joe?

Let me see now.

You used to say that all the time.

And I remember it means you aren't going to answer the question.

Do they have gluten-free at your new school?

I expect so, because some people think that gluten is bad for autism.

And are all the children like you, Joe,

at your new school? Are they all autistic?

What will you do after, Joe?

What will you do after?

Because after Millcross, I am going to go to big school.

I will do GCSEs, then science A Levels,

then medicine at university.

What will you do after? You know, when you grow up?

You gotta move it to prove it. Move it to prove it.

I don't mean after. I mean much, much longer after.

There you are!

Come on, Bill. This damp will play havoc with your sinuses.

Come on, careful.

In the plane, on the train.

Take a trip on a ship.

KNOCKING

This day one thing, what did you have in mind exactly?

All I meant was...

..two people who like each other going out

and getting to know each other a bit better.

-Maybe exchanging the odd anecdote...

-Got plenty of those.

..or maybe not.

Just a clean slate.

No history, no baggage.

Seeing if...

You know, having a bit of fun in a low key way.

Well, that's a coincidence.

Joe's got a show later at school.

All the things you like - kids, music, a raffle and that.

-Sounds perfect.

-5pm start. Tell Ralph to come.

He can ask Vanessa and then we won't even be a...

Two. Yes, I get it. You're over-thinking it again.

-See you later?

-I'll be there.

Is it evening dress or smart-casual?

Smart-casual I think. I'll check.

I was joking, Maurice.

Separate lives? Did you actually mean it?

I know, I surprised myself when I said it.

But maybe I did mean it. Maybe I did.

What is it with you and saying stuff out loud?

DOOR OPENS

We just lost who we were somewhere along the way

and I can't find a way back, no matter how hard I try.

Is it really that bad? I know you've been having trouble but...

How did you know that you and Nicola weren't going to make it?

-Which time?

-The first time.

The first time you knew it was broken.

Well, probably when Nicola told me

she'd been having sex with another man. That was quite a hint.

Any other pearls of wisdom going to come along any time soon?

-Or is that all you've got?

-All I've got is this, Paul.

I can't imagine a world where you

and Alison would ever not be together.

I can't imagine a world where you'd be happier without each other.

I need you to come with me right now.

I don't think I'll be going anywhere with you in that shirt

and I've got Emily.

You'll be all right with her, won't you, Paul?

We'll give Nicola a ring on the way and tell her to pick her up.

On the way where?

You know you told me to take it easy and not do anything too hasty?

-Yes.

-Well, I haven't.

-Good.

Not with Louise anyway.

But there have been other changes and they are hasty.

Is this about the shirt? I realise it was an impulse buy,

-but I'm sure we'll get used to it in the end.

-I'm retiring.

I'm putting the house on the market

and I'm giving you the brewery, all of it.

Day one, clean slate.

I'll even put it in writing this time.

-Without asking me?

-I'm asking you now.

-No, you're not.

-It's only going to be a problem if you say no.

Are you going to make it a problem?

Why would you retire?

You've got the body of a 20-year-old and the mind of a ten-year-old.

-You're indestructible.

-Between you and me,

I don't always feel like that.

And even if I did believe you, why would I come back here -

to the place where I failed? What kind of fool would do that?

-Perhaps I'm looking at him.

-And I don't believe you would stay away.

I can't boil an egg in your kitchen

without you timing it on your sports watch.

You're the only man I know who can pick an argument with an egg timer.

And I've got a life in Manchester, Dad.

My flat, my job, my research, my students,

40-inch TV, phone signal.

Have you any idea how insulting it is to even ask me?!

-Are you interested?

-Course I'm fucking interested.

"He had even forgotten his balaclava.

"He was indeed a very forgetful worm."

-The end.

-Not lost it, then.

BABY SNORES

-Did Eddie send you?

-Nobody sent me.

Nicola told me you were here and I came of my own accord.

-Bring it all back, did it?

-It did, indeed.

Being scared shitless, mainly.

You looked like you were enjoying it.

What do you see when you look at her?

Possibilities. Endless. The world is hers if she wants it.

It's hardly going to be plain sailing, is it,

with Eddie and Nicola as parents?

When you look at Joe, do you think the same? Cos I don't.

I just see the difficulties that he's going to face.

And maybe even overcome.

See it's that! It's that! It's the...

..it's the relentless optimism that I can't do.

-I can't do it because it's a lie.

-No, no, it's not. It's just harder.

-So we have to try harder.

-I've been trying harder!

OK.

I've been trying harder and I'm failing...

..with Joe and us and I can't find a way to make it better.

You were never going to blame Joe for feeling bad about yourself,

so you blame me. I get it.

And I think I finally understand the Sophie thing.

Oh, God, the Sophie thing?

I think it was part of you... you turning away from me.

I see that now.

We said we were going to put our sanity first and we didn't.

And now we're here...

..and it, it doesn't feel right.

If you're going to run away from this, if...

If you feel that you can handle things better with us apart...

..then do it. Do it sooner rather than later, Paul,

cos I won't wake up every morning wondering

if this is the day that you're going to go. I can't, I'm not...

..strong enough for that.

# Closed your eyes and left me here

# And now I'm jealous of your sleep

# I made some noise to wake you up

# It seems you've drifted out of reach... #

So, Joe, you stand up, nice and tall

and you say, "This is called Move It by Michael Rosen."

And you take a breath...

..and then breathe out, begin. OK?

When are you going to go and get changed, Rebecca?

Or are you hoping to get by on lip gloss and charisma like me?

Oh, no. I've left my dress behind.

I knew I'd forgotten something.

# ..I think I'm glad to be awake

# I've met these fractured thoughts before

# They grin and wander round this place

# I'll get up, all I find is the people that I hate

# Real life disappears and gets shrink-wrapped in its place

# I get up, watch TV, helps me feed my vicious streak

# Real life disappears

# Then we watch the spooks on the news

# Playing chess with the cynics

# Hope you die in the arms of your shrinks... #

BANGING ON DOOR

Hey, all right, Mark? What are you doing here?

Where's your mum?

She dropped me off.

She's picking me up in a bit.

Because if I want to go to college, I have to be independent.

Oh, I see.

If I want to go to college, I have to be independent.

Yeah. Yeah, no, I got that.

I made Alison a cake.

Hey, that's, that's fine. That's good.

She's not here at the minute...

To say thank you for helping me with my college application

and the council bastards.

Well, that's lovely. Thank you.

-Would you like a slice?

-Yes. Yes, yes.

So when do you think you'll hear about college?

In a while.

Or less than a while.

Are you worried?

Very worried. Yes.

Hey, don't be.

You're a good lad and whatever happens, you'll be fine.

Right?

Are you worried?

-Why, do I look worried?

-Yes.

Well, between you and me, I am pretty worried.

I've had my cake so I think I'll leave now.

Your mum's not here yet.

-She told me to wait at the bottom of the drive.

-All right.

See you.

New shirt? Very adventurous.

So how's the campervan business, then, eh?

-Don't you start.

-Start what?

Trying to tell me to go to university.

-Chance of a lifetime and all that.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You know how I feel about university.

Our Eddie came back dafter than when he went, with a pierced ear

-and a taste for Danish pastries.

-Exactly.

-Costs an arm and a leg nowadays anyway.

-That's what I keep saying.

Yeah.

Well, you keep saying it.

Right.

Cos you know and I know it's not about university, is it?

It's about Joe. In't it?

If you can wait in here until the hall's ready for you.

Thank you. Will the little one be in a pushchair?

Because you'd best get on the aisle if so.

Thank you. We'll be sure to do that.

Hello, gorgeous. Has your dad brought his best biro?

-I've had contracts drawn up.

-Not tonight, hey, Dad?

-What contracts?

-I've given him the brewery.

Lock, stock and several barrels.

Tell him to put us out of our misery and say yeah.

I know you're the brains of the operation, Nicola.

And you're actually thinking about it?

I thought you liked the job you're doing in Manchester.

I do, but when he offered me the brewery, I didn't turn him down.

Well, I dunno, maybe it tells me something.

-And Emily's here and...

-Do you really think he'll leave you alone?

He's very controlling.

Yes, that can be a terrible trait in a person.

I think he's changed. The shirt he bought?

Casual fit. Borderline paisley.

-So you think that's evidence he's relaxing?

-I'm just saying.

Give it six months and he might be in chinos.

Hey! Listen up, you two. I've just been talking to Rebecca.

-Right.

-About her plans and that.

Well, I hope you talked some sense into her.

I don't need to. She's the sanest member of the family.

You'd do well to listen to her yourself.

-Get your heads out your arses.

-Great, thanks, Dad. Great advice.

-Can we get on now?

-You know she's planning to stay because of Joe,

don't you, eh? You know she thinks he won't manage without her?

Are you sure about that?

-Is that what she actually said?

-Pretty much, yeah.

Why don't you ask her yourself?

I think I've been stood up.

Ralph, Vanessa. There you are!

I wondered where you'd got to.

-We're not late, are we?

-No, no. I've just been, er, you know,

-waiting and that.

-New shirt.

Yeah, well, you know, it's just 50% off.

-Right.

-Still, er, comes under the "no big deal" clause.

Shall we get a seat, Maurice?

Yeah. Great, that's a good idea.

APPLAUSE

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

to the Millcross Primary End Of Year Show.

You're in for an evening of surprises.

When you do come back to the brewery...

..will you come back to us too?

..and to the back of the hall, in the very unlikely event of a fire...

You don't have to give me an answer now.

First up, we have our very own Little Mix.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

MUSIC: Shout Out To My Ex by Little Mix

SHE CHUCKLES

# Don't push too far, your dreams are china in your hand

# Don't wish too hard because they may come true... #

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

Now, madam, show the card to the audience.

Now, put the card back into the pack.

Thank you.

I want everyone in this room to think of the card they just saw.

Was this your card, Madam Joe's Mum?

-The seven of hearts?

-Yes. Yes, it was.

Thank you. You've been a good sport.

Let's have a big hand for Mrs Joe's Mum.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

"Magic?" I hear you say. But no.

Observation and logic. Here's how I did it.

SHE SOBS

Mum, have you been crying?

No, no. Just...

-Have you been drinking?

-Not if you haven't been crying.

D'you think Joe's going to be all right?

-Tonight, or, like, ever?

-Just tonight for a start.

Yeah, he knows it off by heart. He seems to enjoy doing it.

That's fine.

He'll be fine.

And not just tonight.

If that's what you're worried about,

if that's why you feel you can't leave home.

I'm Joe's sister...

..and you don't know what that's like.

-I'm the only one who knows what that's like.

-I know, I know.

No, you don't.

The thing you aren't getting is that one day...

..I will be the only person Joe has in the world.

I've known that since he was diagnosed.

I carry it round with me every day.

This show, today, all this...

..I got him in this. I included him. I, I get it.

The strange thing is that you and Dad don't seem to.

No, we do, we know you feel that. And we know that...

We know that you have to deal with that.

But right now, love...

Right now, he's me and your dad's responsibility

and we're fine with it.

Yeah, but what if you and Dad aren't fine with each other?

What then? Where does that leave him?

Me and Dad, we're OK. Course we are.

And there's a huge world out there waiting for you to make your mark.

When I say put the card back, I already know what the card is.

This is called a sleight and it is not magic.

There is no magic. Thank you.

Thank you, Ramesh, for that entertaining

and educational interlude.

I do the actions, the buttons don't do anything

-but I need to do the talking and the walking.

-OK.

There you go, Flo! Now that should hold

and if it doesn't, you just waggle the other legs a bit more,

all right?

I'm having a nice time, are you having a nice time?

You don't have to talk to me like a phrase book, Maurice, and, yes,

it's lovely.

Each £5 ticket entitles you to a plate of food of your choice

and a drink. We have to do it that way cos, er,

we don't have an alcohol licence.

A school without an alcohol licence. Who would have thought?

SHE LAUGHS

Leave your food.

We need to talk.

Two of my least favourite sentences in the English language.

Come on.

Shall I have first go sliding down the banister

or do you fancy warming it up for me?

Eddie, you need to stop offsetting your anxiety

by filling the silences with humour.

Right.

I mean, don't stop altogether.

It's not a deal breaker.

If we get back together, I can tolerate it.

Well, I'll certainly bear that in mind if we...get back together.

Which...

..I'm not sure we are, are we?

Really, deep down, is that a good idea? Not...

..because of the humour just... Anyway...

-..what do you think?

-Eddie, for the next five minutes,

I want you to talk like me and not like you.

-Like you?

-Yeah.

Brutally honest?

Honest at least.

All right.

All right. I'll try.

This is...

I am coming back to the Lakes...

..to make a go of the brewery.

Not for you.

At least not in that sense.

I will come back as Emily's dad...

..and your best friend.

Nothing more.

Ever.

OK, OK.

Well...

I've never had a best friend before, so...

..that will be interesting.

-I'm sorry if you're upset, but...

-No, Eddie, it's...

It would be nice to have love, but I prefer clarity.

It's started. You're going to miss Joe!

DISTANT SINGING

You OK, Joe?

Are you OK, Joe?

You just go up there, stand at the front

and nice and loud, yeah?

I like Move It, don't I?

It'll be brilliant. You know it will be.

# Till I am beside the someone who

# I can mean something to

# Where...

# Where is love? #

Thank you, Bill. You really made that your own.

We were all tearing up in the audience.

Now, we have a special treat, ladies and gentlemen,

as a boy who used to come to Millcross

has come back today to perform.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Joe Hughes.

This is called Move It by Michael Rosen.

-WHISPERS:

-Joe!

No. Leave him. He's fine.

Joe! Joe, you gotta move it to prove it.

Move it to prove it.

Careful!

There?

OK? OK.

-Let's hear it for the world's ugliest boyband.

-Dad!

You gotta move it to prove it.

Move it to prove it.

In the plane

On the train

Take a trip

On the ship

You gotta move it To prove it.

Move it to prove it.

Take a hike

Take a bike

Use your feet

On the street

You've got to move it

To prove it

Move it

To prove it.

Are we there?

Where?

Are we near?

We're here!

Good lad!

-Dad!

-Dad!

-Dad?

-Dad?

-Maurice?

Can you hear me? Maurice?

Dad?

-Dad?

-Dad?

-Maurice?

-Come on, come on!

-Maurice, can you hear me?

-Dad, come on!

Dad!

When something like this happens...

..like what happened...

-To Grandad.

-Yeah, to Grandad. It's cos he wasn't feeling very well.

So they put him in an ambulance and he's here

and the doctors are really trying very hard to help him

and... And make him feel better.

Grandad.

Yeah. Yeah.

On the floor.

-Yeah.

-That's it, mate.

So when people go on the floor like that,

it means that they're not very well.

And that can be really frightening for them and...

..for the people that see it.

And most times, when people come to the hospital, they get better.

And sometimes, when people come to the hospital...

..well, they don't get better.

And they get very tired...

..and...

He's asking for a fish supper.

And sometimes they ask for a fish supper! How about that?

Is he OK? How is he?

They've done some tests.

The consultant has ruled out a stroke and a heart attack.

So what caused it?

They'll just poke him around till they find out.

Although my own theory is his new shirt was too tight.

Grandad's going to be fine. That's good news, isn't it?

You don't have to answer that straight away, Joe.

Come on.

Oh, you've brought the rest of the Spice Girls with you this time.

Yep.

He was asleep on a pool table this morning.

-Right.

-Talk about attention seeking.

Joe's finest moment too much for you, was it?

I'm sorry, Joe. I must have eaten a dodgy sausage roll.

Yeah, that'll be it.

-They weren't sausage rolls.

-Sorry, can I rephrase that?

I must've eaten a dodgy artisan pork roulade.

Have you made your mind up about the brewery yet?

Oh, so that's what this is all about. Emotional blackmail?

-How you feeling, Grandad?

-Oh, at last!

Someone who sounds like they care. Thank you.

Never better, love. I must've got overexcited by your brilliant show.

Now, we've done the emotion, can you all bugger off?

I can't bear most of you at the best of times.

Come on, just try and get some rest, will you?

You're a good one to talk.

Oh, Dad.

Right, see you tomorrow, then, Maurice.

Be good to them nurses.

Come on, Joe.

Did, erm, Louise not come down?

She saw you laid out with your mouth open and just kept walking.

She didn't want to crowd you out.

I'll tell her you made a comeback.

-Don't go round there and mess things up for me again.

-Dad,

next time you pass out and see that bright light ahead of you,

-don't fight it. Walk towards it.

-Yeah, yeah.

Goodnight.

Have they all gone yet?

You fell over.

Was it funny?

-Yes.

-Well, that's all right, then.

Well, if he just fainted it'd be good to know why.

I saw the bag, Paul.

Went home to get Rebecca's dress and I...

..I saw that you'd packed a bag. I saw the bag.

How are you going to tell him?

He's indestructible.

It's his superpower.

Sorry, I should've warned you.

Well, thanks for coming round to tell me. It's really kind.

Well, you are the one who's chosen to take on Maurice.

The bull in your china shop.

-Sorry, did that sound a bit dodgy?

-You sounded like him then.

Did I?

Well, that's a first.

I thought he was dead, you know?

So did I.

Cos that's the kind of trick that fate plays.

He's been helping me through my chemo and he's the one that dies.

It's carer fatigue, it happens a lot.

Whatever's going to be written on Dad's death certificate,

it's not going to be "carer fatigue."

It's one of the many things that drives me mad about him.

Underneath that gruff, tactless exterior,

there's a gruff tactless interior trying to get out

and underneath that is a big soft bastard

who wants to fix everyone and everything.

-Does he know you've rumbled him?

-No.

And if he ever finds out, I'll never speak to you again.

The consultant asked if he was the stressful type.

Well, it's been a couple of hours.

I expect the consultant will know the answer to that by now.

Rebecca, before you go,

can we have a quick word?

Er...

You can do anything you like and we can't stop you staying here.

But if you're staying here cos of Joe, or because of me

and your mum, then you can't do that.

We won't let you do that.

If you were any keener to get rid of me I might get a complex.

No, don't get us wrong, part of me would love you to stay.

But we've already rented out your bedroom, so...

Joe, come on!

Where you going?

I promised.

Colin Crocodile says, "Night-night."

And Teddy Ted-Ted says, "Night-night."

And Florence Flamingo says, "Night-night."

And Auntie Alison and Uncle Paul say, "Night-night."

And Joe says, "Night-night."

And Grandad Maurice says, "Night-night."

I mean, he's in a different bed tonight.

And Grandad Vincent says, "Night-night."

And he's in bed...

..somewhere, we hope.

-NICOLA ON PHONE:

-Eddie?

You can stop now. She's fast asleep.

OK, right. Good.

-She's been asleep for a while, hasn't she?

-Yep.

About ten minutes, but I didn't like to interrupt.

Very funny.

Hey...

..you'll never guess where I'm sitting.

Maurice's big chair.

-How did you know?

-Fathers and sons.

It's primal. You're practising for when he really does die

and you can sit in it forever.

Did you just say that?

Course you did.

You just said that...

..because you would.

-Night-night, Nicola.

-Night-night.

MUSIC: Philadelphia by Magazine

# Your clean-living, clear-eyed, clever, level-headed brother says

# He'll put all the screws upon your newest lover

# Buddha's in the fireplace

# The truth's in drugs from outer space

# Maybe it's right to be... #

I just worry that...

..it'll get worse and worse.

You could just take a leaf out of Joe's book.

You could get everything and everybody that matters to you

and just keep them in sight.

Not worry about what's gone before or what's going to happen next.

A moment. That's...

..him on the stage saying that, that was... It was a moment.

He's a bundle of anxieties just like the rest of us.

More than the rest of us.

I'm not saying he isn't. I'm not saying he isn't.

But he's managed something that, that we haven't been able to do.

He shook all the shite away

and he left himself with what really counts.

And that's enough for you?

Is it? That moment?

I don't need anything else. I'm not going anywhere.

So, day one. How's it going so far?

You were great today, Joe.

If I go somewhere...

You know, if I go somewhere else...

Somewhere else away?

Yeah, somewhere else away.

Well, I'll always come back.

And I won't go for long.

And you'll be in my head all the time

and we can speak every day on the computer or on Dad's phone.

But I'll be here.

Well, you might not be.

When you get older, you might go travelling too.

When you go...

Yeah?

I'll wait here.

That's right, yeah.

I'll wait here.

In here.

Yeah, if that's what you'd like. Yeah!

There's no away.

That's right, Joe.

For you and me, there is no away.

MUSIC: The Same Deep Water As Me by I Am Kloot

# Swim out to the ocean

# Drown your thoughts out at sea

# And dip your hands in the water

# The same deep water as me

# You've been watching for cloudbursts

# You've been praying for rain

# Drench your soul in the water

# Cleanse your heart of the stain

# Cleanse your heart of the stain

HE SINGS ALONG: # The river of love

# Flows deep through the night

# Rolls you in the waves

# Drags you out with the tides

# Swim out to the ocean

# Drown our thoughts out at sea

# And dipped your hands in the water

# The same deep water as me

# The same deep water as me... #