Episode 5 The A Word


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Episode 5

Drama series. Paul's feelings about his son's autism emerge when Nicola makes a film of Joe's behaviours. Eddie reaches D-Day with Holly, while Maurice makes a shocking proposal.


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Transcript


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We said he would go mainstream, local.

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And how's that working out?

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We're doing all this to get your Mark back into mainstream.

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Because that's what Mark wants.

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I want you to come through this because you're you.

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And I want you to be there for me.

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We've always needed other people. You saw that before I did.

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I know. I just... I feel like I'm losing my boy.

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She's worried about you. Should she be?

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Just for a moment, I felt more at home with Sophie than I do with you.

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I did the right thing, Alison. I told you the truth!

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And as for your feelings, I'm going to have to have to guess, am I?

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Why do you always have to pick away at everything like that?

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I just wish...

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-You just wish what?

-We could leave things alone for a bit.

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That's what we'll do.

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This programme contains some strong language

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MUSIC PLAYS

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# Gonna break out of the city

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# Leave the people here behind

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# Searching for adventure

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# It's the type of life to find

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# Tired of doing day jobs

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# With no thanks for what I do

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# I'm sure I must be someone

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# Now I'm going to find out who

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# Why don't you ask them

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# What they expect from you?

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# Why don't you tell them

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# What you are gonna do?

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# You get so lonely

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# Maybe it's better that way

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# It ain't you only

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# You got something to say

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# Do anything you wanna do

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# Do anything you wanna do

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# Don't need no politicians

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# To tell me things I shouldn't be

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# Neither no opticians

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# Tell me what I oughta see

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# No-one tells you nothin'

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# Even when you know they know

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# But they tell you why you should do

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# They don't like to see you grow. #

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All right. What have I missed?

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Just the ads and trailers?

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Dad, shush, shush.

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-"Haweli Curry House. Just two minutes from this cinema."

-Ah!

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Can you start it again, Nicola?

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You want to get a dog or take up running.

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-What?

-Walking on your own.

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Nobody does that, unless they're up to no good.

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What?!

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DOOR OPENS

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I thought he was round here watching Postman Pat with Emily.

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I had no idea you had him skivvying.

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He just likes doing it. It's quite a contained behaviour.

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I think it has to do with order and predictability.

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When did you film this?

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Oh, just one of the times he was round here.

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Well, he's a grafter, I'll give him that.

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Joe? Joe, look!

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Look at the pictures,

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look, all these people are putting different pictures on.

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Do you like playing with Emily?

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I like playing with Emily.

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What are your favourite games?

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Don't Dictate.

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What are your favourite games that you like to play with Emily?

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Don't Dictate.

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I'm sorry, Joe. I don't know.

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Penetration. 1978.

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# Don't dictate, don't dictate

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# Don't dictate, dictate to me. #

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Emily is good.

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CHILDREN'S TV PROGRAMME PLAYS

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It's no Lethal Weapon, but it does the trick.

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What's, er... What's it for, again?

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I'm presenting to a small group of doctors, health visitors

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and practice nurses.

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I want to give them some idea of the spectrum

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in Joe-type autism.

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"Joe-type autism"! He's a syndrome now, is he?

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Most people think of autism as one of two extremes,

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either a non-speaking child in distress or Rain Man.

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And Joe's a great example of...

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Yeah, great example(!)

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..of autism that can get missed, because Joe's autism is hidden.

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Well, there's nothing much hidden on what we've just watched.

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I think you and me would've been helped if our GP had seen something like this, don't you?

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-I've written down what I was going to say, as well, but I wanted you both to read it first.

-Thanks.

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The bits of Joe, they're going to... they're going to stay the same, will they?

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That's the stuff you're going to use?

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Well, most of it, yes. That was the plan.

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-It captures the lad. There's no doubt about that.

-Yeah, yeah, it captures him all right.

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-You don't think it does?

-It does what you need it to do, Nicola.

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That is clearly what is important.

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I'd better get off, actually. Louise has got her...

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Well, it's a bathroom sink...

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It nails him to his autism. You do see that, don't you?

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It just shows Joe as he is.

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What, as you see him,

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or as you want him to be seen by your colleagues?

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Yes, to help them understand more about all patients with autism.

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You knew I was doing this presentation!

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No, no, no. No, no.

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Not like this, I didn't!

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Probably a U bend, actually. Hair and soap, I should think.

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If there's anything you want me to take out, anything that upsets you...

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All of it, Nicola! How about all of it?

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Paul!

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I'm going to be late picking him up.

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Hang on a second!

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Hey, hey, Nicola's just trying to help.

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I think her presentation will help.

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I don't get why you're being like this.

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She's turned our little boy into a freak show.

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No, she hasn't! I would never let anybody do that.

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Look, we can talk more about it tonight, yeah?

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I'll have to pack all of his stuff up at Eddie's.

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I'll probably stay over.

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Oh, right. OK.

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Dad, I passed! My driving test!

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-I passed!

-Good for you, love. Good for you.

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What's up with Dad?

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Well done.

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ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO

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So do you think it's all right?

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About Joe?

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The footage?

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Yeah, it's good. Yeah.

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So, do you think it's all right for Nicola to show it?

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Dad was a bit upset by it.

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Yeah, but if, you know, if it helps...

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Yeah. You're right. I'll sort it with Paul.

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Let's just concentrate on you, instead.

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My brilliant girl. Passed first time. Just like your mum!

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Don't think this means we're buying you a car, though.

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Not till after uni, anyway.

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I wasn't thinking that, no.

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Well, you'll have enough expense with accommodation and fees and...

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Mum, I'm not going to university.

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What?

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I changed my mind. It's a waste of money and I can do drama here.

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I'm already helping out with the end of term show.

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I could get a job, earn some money.

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I'm not going to university.

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Well, Nicola's been trouble since day one,

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always picking away at stuff, but that's doctors for you, I suppose.

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Your waste pipe was clogged solid. If someone had

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shown me a film of Eddie at that age, I'd have put him in a sack

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and drowned him in the canal.

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Get in, you bastard!

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I've put, er, a new washer on it just to be on the safe side.

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You get that baby double threaded and you'll never get it off.

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I've had an idea...

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What I'm thinking is, now you've broke the back of your treatment...

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Well, what I'm thinking is...

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..this.

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What do you think?

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Be sure to send me a postcard.

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Once you're done with all this malarkey. Take your pick.

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Luxury villa.

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Hotel with award-winning breakfast bar.

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I-I mean Ralph as well.

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Or even the four of us if you want to bring your girlfriend,

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hey, Ralph?

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There are water parks nearby! Who can resist a water park?

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No planning ahead, Maurice, no jinxing it.

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Right.

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Louise? Do you want to come through?

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Bloody hell, she's hard to please sometimes, your mum, isn't she?

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-Yeah.

-Good job you and me are here to cheer her up.

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We make a good team, you and me, don't we?

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Yeah. For now.

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Yeah. For now. What do you mean, for now?

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You won't be here when she's better.

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Why? Do you know something I don't?

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Mum won't be ill. She won't need you any more.

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Has she said something? Your mum?

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Is that what she's said?

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I'll put yours there, shall I?

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Thanks.

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Bit close to the edge, that one.

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Are you all right?

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Me? Yeah, fine, fine, yeah.

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Well, can you just stop jiggling around, then?

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All right, superstar!

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You made it.

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End of term.

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But not the end of me.

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Oh, I hope not.

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Oops.

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Right, shall we...? Come on, then.

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That's it.

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Well, it won't exactly be my recreational drug of choice.

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The new chemo drug, you know?

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At least it doesn't give me that prickling feeling like FEC.

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Just you I'm allergic to, now.

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Bye, Maurice.

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Not coming in?

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No. I've, er, got to get back to the Brewery.

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There's stuff going on there.

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And, er, you'll want to get your feet up, won't you?

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Yeah, yeah.

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I'll give you a call tonight, let you know how I'm getting on.

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All right, Uncle Eddie!

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Hiya, Joe.

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Half an hour till tea-time, Joe.

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You don't mind if we stay over tonight, do you?

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It'll take for ever to pack up his stuff.

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Cheers, mate!

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I, uh, hear you're not happy about Nicola's film.

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Ah, she called you, did she?

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Did you know she was filming Joe when he went round?

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You know what Nicola's like when she puts her mind to something.

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She filmed me on a kid's bike.

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Her intentions are good, you know.

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If you're going to talk shite, Eddie, make yourself useful.

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If Nicola can help people get a bit more understanding,

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then doesn't that help everybody, including Joe?

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Well, that's easy for you to say. Emily looks great in it.

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So that's what this is all about? The comparison?

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Cos that's just in your head, mate.

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It's not something me or Nicola would ever do!

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Wouldn't you?

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I do.

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And Alison does, all the time.

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I don't have a kid like Joe, but I've still got a kid,

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and I know it's different for you, but every parent wonders

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if their child's going to turn out all right.

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Every parent sees something in their child that they worry about.

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You've not got a monopoly on sleepless nights.

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Can we change the subject?

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I'm hoping that Holly and I might have sex for the first time tonight.

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What? You did ask me to change the subject.

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You didn't have to change it that much.

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I am not going to let you

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throw away the chance of a lifetime.

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It doesn't feel like the chance of a lifetime to me!

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It feels like something I was going to do because everybody else was doing it.

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You, lady, are going to university.

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You're too smart not to go to university.

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Too smart not to get into 50 grand worth of debt, more like.

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We can help with the money. It's still worth it.

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I don't want to go. And I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be like this.

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Look, I missed out on university because I had you,

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and I will always regret it.

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-Thanks.

-No, I didn't mean it like that.

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I mean, look, all the reading. And the time for yourself.

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Just to grow up a bit, figure out who you are.

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And the choices it gives you. And the people you'll meet.

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Mum, please, go to university.

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You are clearly so in love with the idea.

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I am in love with the idea for you.

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Do you even have a plan for what you'll do instead?

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I'll work here. Full-time.

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And end up like me and Sophie? No, I don't think so.

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Rebecca, I know you, this is not what you want!

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How are you getting on?

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Good, yeah.

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It says, "All About Me."

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All about me.

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Cos that's what they want to know. All about you.

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What you'd like. For yourself.

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So just write that.

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-Fine, I take it back. You're not smart enough to go to uni.

-Fine. So give me a job.

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No! Seriously. I won't. I won't help you waste your life.

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I'm going to Tom's.

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Your shift hasn't even started!

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SHE SIGHS

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What did I do wrong?

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You took her seriously.

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I have to. It is serious.

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She was engaged five minutes ago. Is she engaged now?

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Oh!

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Sorry.

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Nicola just sent me a little film of Emily before bed.

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It's fine. You don't have to apologise for being a doting father.

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No, I know. It's just...

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You know.

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There, it's off.

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You didn't have to choose curry, you know.

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You could've just said you didn't want sex tonight.

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Sorry?

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Curry. It's not...you know.

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It's very bloating.

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I see.

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So you're implying I chose curry to give me

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an excuse not to make love for the first time in our relationship?

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Yeah. It was a joke. Not a very good one.

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Because you think it's me that doesn't want to make love?

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So...

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I suppose.

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I find this stuff very difficult to say.

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It took me four years to leave the Scouts and I hated it

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since the first game of British Bulldog.

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Is that what you're finding hard to say, that you hated Scouts?

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I've wanted to sleep with you for months.

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And you always seem to be able to find a reason why you can't.

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So now I'm thinking it's maybe that you don't want to, at least not...

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not with me.

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And that's fine.

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Disappointing, but fine.

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I don't want to sleep with you?

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Really?

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That's a very interesting analysis.

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-Well, it's not as if the opportunity hasn't arisen, is it?

-No, it isn't.

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But you've managed to come up with an excuse not to have sex with me at every turn.

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-Me?

-You wanted to take things slow.

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Well, that's right. I didn't want to pressurise you.

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Then you thought I wanted to take things slow. You were tired, you thought I looked tired,

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you had a lecture to finish, to deliver, to recover from,

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you had to go back to the Lakes, you had to work in the morning.

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-I think you're being a bit one-sided.

-You had a cold and you didn't want me to catch it.

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There was even that time I pretended I accidentally locked us in my flat

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and you started looking up emergency locksmiths on your phone.

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Yep, yep. I get the picture.

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Excuse me, mate. Can we get the bill, please?

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You had Joe staying and felt bad about leaving him

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and Alison on their own.

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-Thank you, sir.

-No. Erm, I'll need to take a nought off that.

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-I was distracted.

-..a weekend away because there were roadworks on the M62.

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You hadn't changed your sheets and your tumble drier was on the blink.

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And my all-time favourite - your neighbour had his brother

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staying and you could hear them on the Xbox and it put you off.

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So, now we've cleared the air, shall we go back to yours?

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-We're not in a relationship any more. It wouldn't be appropriate.

-Not in a relationship? Since when?

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-Think of it as a mercy killing, Eddie.

-No...

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I didn't realise how nervous I was about committing to something new.

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I appreciate you feel obliged to go through the ritual of begging me

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not to do this, but I'd rather you didn't.

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You aren't here half the time, Eddie,

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and the truth is, when you are here, you aren't really here, either.

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Well, I'd say no hard feelings but you might just accuse me

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of coming up with another excuse.

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Hiya, Nicola?

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I was just wondering if Emily's still up?

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I wanted to say goodnight to her. Is that OK?

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Not disturbed you, have I?

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No. Not much.

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Just been for a walk, yeah.

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Rebecca? Rebecca?

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'Hey, it's Alison, leave a message.'

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It's me. I've been thinking.

0:18:370:18:40

I don't want Nicola showing that film of Joe. Just don't.

0:18:400:18:45

All right?

0:18:470:18:48

I just don't.

0:18:530:18:54

I'll see you tomorrow.

0:18:550:18:57

Robots can already imitate emotional states.

0:19:100:19:15

At what stage will we say they are expressing their own emotions?

0:19:150:19:18

In fact, I know plenty of people who could learn a thing

0:19:180:19:21

or two about expressing emotions from robots.

0:19:210:19:23

Maybe those people are robots, too.

0:19:250:19:27

Who knows?

0:19:280:19:30

As you set off on your summer break, you may want to bear in mind

0:19:300:19:33

that some robots are warmer than some people.

0:19:330:19:37

But you're all young and may not know that yet.

0:19:370:19:40

But one day you will.

0:19:410:19:44

One day you will.

0:19:440:19:46

-Side effects?

-Yeah.

0:19:530:19:55

-From chemotherapy?

-Yeah.

0:19:550:19:57

But you're not having chemotherapy, are you?

0:19:570:19:59

No. But I was just wondering.

0:19:590:20:01

Can it sometimes... Can someone's judgment get out of whack?

0:20:030:20:06

Is that a side effect?

0:20:060:20:08

Probably not expressed like that, but it can be, for sure.

0:20:080:20:12

So if someone...

0:20:120:20:13

"Someone?" Someone close, perhaps?

0:20:130:20:15

If you like. I don't know. Being hypothetical.

0:20:150:20:17

Of course you are.

0:20:170:20:18

If someone said something like, hurtful, you know, depressing -

0:20:180:20:23

could that be, like, not them, just the chemo drugs talking?

0:20:230:20:27

Maurice, if you want me to prescribe you an anti-depressant, I will.

0:20:270:20:31

You don't have to talk or open up about it. Just ask.

0:20:310:20:35

If you want something more holistic, I hear there's

0:20:350:20:38

a herbalist in Kendal with a sideline in hash brownies.

0:20:380:20:41

Joe?

0:20:510:20:52

Where's Rebecca?

0:21:000:21:01

She stayed at Tom's. She's keeping out of my way.

0:21:010:21:04

-Why?

-She said she didn't want to go to university any more.

0:21:040:21:07

-What?

-And then she said she wanted a full-time job at the Fellside

0:21:070:21:10

and I said that was out of the question and she stormed out.

0:21:100:21:13

Well...why didn't you just go along with it?

0:21:140:21:18

Yeah, that's what Sophie said.

0:21:180:21:19

Maybe she had a point. Maybe you over-reacted.

0:21:210:21:24

That's good, coming from Mr Storm Out.

0:21:240:21:26

Hey! Except I stormed out for good reason.

0:21:260:21:29

All right. Look, I did overreact with Rebecca. I handled it clumsily.

0:21:290:21:33

But we've all been guilty of that.

0:21:330:21:36

Can't we just talk about it?

0:21:360:21:37

Look, I'm not having Nicola use Joe to get a foothold in the autism industry.

0:21:370:21:42

She's giving a presentation to half a dozen staff at the health centre.

0:21:420:21:46

Nicola's done something to help because she likes Joe.

0:21:470:21:50

And because she knows how we struggled trying to get Joe's autism recognised.

0:21:500:21:54

There's nothing on it that he doesn't do.

0:21:540:21:57

And he comes across as a happy kid that makes his own choices.

0:21:570:22:00

Even if those choices are unusual.

0:22:000:22:01

So you're just going to go ahead and let her show it, then, are you?

0:22:010:22:04

No, I'm not. I thought about what you said, and I am going to go with Nicola,

0:22:040:22:07

and I will answer any questions about him and I will

0:22:070:22:10

stamp on any misconceptions - you know what I'm like.

0:22:100:22:13

Does that help reassure you?

0:22:130:22:15

It sounds to me like you care more about helping Nicola

0:22:150:22:19

than how Joe looks to a room full of strangers.

0:22:190:22:23

I care about how well-informed

0:22:230:22:25

strangers are when they meet Joe and kids like him.

0:22:250:22:28

If you don't want Nicola to show the film, well, then, she won't,

0:22:280:22:31

but you'll have to tell her why, because I don't understand.

0:22:310:22:33

And I am trying to understand, Paul.

0:22:330:22:36

Do what you want.

0:22:360:22:38

Do what you want.

0:22:400:22:41

Hey!

0:22:410:22:42

Fine. Then I am going to go and get ready to help Nicola get a foothold in the autism industry.

0:22:460:22:52

At least you've got some fruit, I suppose.

0:23:060:23:08

The chocolate's for Eddie.

0:23:100:23:12

Right. Well, I'm not here to judge.

0:23:120:23:14

Do we need bleach, by the way?

0:23:160:23:18

I don't know. Do you?

0:23:180:23:19

How are you feeling?

0:23:210:23:24

Not bad. Not bad, this time.

0:23:240:23:25

Good.

0:23:250:23:27

Not going to give me a theory?

0:23:270:23:28

About what?

0:23:290:23:31

Dosage, the treatment, my recovery.

0:23:310:23:32

I'm a bit pushed, to be honest.

0:23:320:23:35

Right.

0:23:350:23:36

I rang last night.

0:23:370:23:39

Did you? I must have missed you.

0:23:390:23:41

I-I-I went to bed early.

0:23:410:23:42

I was a bit under the weather.

0:23:420:23:43

Oh, right, well, I'm sorry to hear that.

0:23:430:23:45

OK. Bye, now. It's, er, good to see you up and about.

0:23:450:23:49

You, too.

0:23:490:23:50

How do you mean?

0:23:500:23:51

You were under the weather. Last night.

0:23:510:23:53

When you went to bed early.

0:23:530:23:54

Might have overdone the popcorn a bit!

0:24:170:24:19

Hey, have you started without me?

0:24:220:24:24

Hey? What's happened so far?

0:24:250:24:28

Right.

0:24:340:24:35

That's it.

0:24:380:24:39

Go on.

0:24:410:24:43

SHEEP BLEAT

0:24:460:24:49

# No-one tells you nothing

0:24:530:24:55

# Even when you know they know

0:24:550:24:58

# But they tell you what you should do... #

0:24:580:25:01

As you can see, the child with autism may from moment to moment

0:25:010:25:04

present a social face to the world appropriate to his age

0:25:040:25:08

and development, and then when he feels

0:25:080:25:11

the social demands are getting too great,

0:25:110:25:14

might retreat to self-stimulating behaviours.

0:25:140:25:17

This serves two purposes -

0:25:170:25:19

comfort and distance.

0:25:190:25:22

Joe, look, look at the pictures.

0:25:240:25:26

Look, all these people are putting different pictures on.

0:25:260:25:29

These aren't so much choices as ingrained patterns.

0:25:290:25:34

Self-defence mechanisms.

0:25:340:25:36

Here you are.

0:26:110:26:13

So, here we see that despite parental intervention

0:26:220:26:26

and attendance at a specialist school,

0:26:260:26:30

a child on the spectrum will occasionally revert to tried

0:26:300:26:34

and trusted behaviours from their early childhood.

0:26:340:26:36

Come on, stop rocking.

0:26:390:26:41

Stop rocking for me, Joe, please. Come on, have some popcorn.

0:26:440:26:47

Joe? Listen.

0:26:510:26:52

It's all right, just stop rocking. Joe?

0:26:540:26:57

Joe?

0:26:570:26:58

Just stop... Joe! Just stop, stop rocking.

0:27:010:27:04

No, no, no... Joe...

0:27:040:27:06

Eh, come here! Listen!

0:27:060:27:07

Give us that!

0:27:070:27:09

Eh, come on! Joe! Come back!

0:27:110:27:15

Eh, listen, I'm sorry, Joe.

0:27:150:27:17

Joe?

0:27:260:27:27

That seemed to go all right, didn't it?

0:27:380:27:39

Yeah, seemed to.

0:27:390:27:41

I think Paul would have felt better about it

0:27:410:27:43

if he'd seen how everyone responded.

0:27:430:27:45

Probably, yeah. By eating sandwiches and drinking coffee.

0:27:460:27:50

Oh, sorry. It's their lunch break.

0:27:500:27:53

They've got to eat. I know, I get it.

0:27:530:27:55

And it's their job, so...

0:27:550:27:57

Are you OK?

0:27:570:27:58

Yeah. Yeah.

0:27:580:28:00

# Don't dictate, don't dictate

0:28:000:28:02

# Don't dictate, dictate to me. #

0:28:020:28:04

Was harder than I thought.

0:28:110:28:12

Right.

0:28:130:28:15

Just to sit there and watch Joe like that.

0:28:150:28:19

Well, it was watching other people watching him, you know?

0:28:190:28:23

It's not that they weren't interested in him,

0:28:230:28:26

but...it was his behaviours they were looking at, it wasn't Joe.

0:28:260:28:30

Does that make sense?

0:28:320:28:35

Yeah. Yeah, it does.

0:28:350:28:38

Yeah.

0:28:380:28:40

I mean, I still think we were right to show it.

0:28:410:28:43

I just didn't think it'd be that tough.

0:28:430:28:45

Right, so you admit that you're wrong,

0:28:450:28:48

but you're glad you showed it.

0:28:480:28:51

Classic.

0:28:510:28:52

I'm saying that...

0:28:540:28:56

I'm saying that watching it at the health centre made me get it.

0:28:560:28:59

I get how you feel.

0:28:590:29:00

No, you don't, you don't, you don't get how I feel.

0:29:000:29:03

I know we're supposed to embrace Joe's autism and promote it

0:29:040:29:07

and-and-and claim that it's just... it's a different way of being human.

0:29:070:29:12

It is a different way of being human.

0:29:120:29:14

And he's wonderful.

0:29:140:29:15

He is. And he's settled into his school.

0:29:160:29:21

And he-he draws, and he paints and he writes stuff, and...

0:29:210:29:24

and people like him.

0:29:240:29:26

But does that mean that I have to pretend that his autism isn't a burden?

0:29:260:29:30

Something that he is going to have to carry through his life?

0:29:320:29:36

Does that mean that I wouldn't wish it away if I could?

0:29:360:29:39

His autism isn't an optional extra, Paul. It's part of Joe.

0:29:390:29:44

It's part of who he is.

0:29:440:29:45

Yeah, and I hate it, Alison!

0:29:450:29:46

That's what Nicola's film reminded me of.

0:29:490:29:51

I love Joe, I do, but I hate his autism.

0:29:510:29:54

I hate it.

0:29:540:29:56

So you hate part of Joe.

0:29:580:30:00

The part that makes his life harder.

0:30:000:30:02

But it's the part that makes him who he is.

0:30:020:30:04

It's Joe.

0:30:060:30:07

Your son!

0:30:100:30:11

HOOTING

0:30:180:30:20

Wow. That's quite a statement.

0:30:260:30:29

Yeah. Two fingers would've been cheaper.

0:30:290:30:31

-It's great, isn't it?

-I take it this has got something to do with Stuart?

0:30:310:30:34

Yeah, I'm going to work for him!

0:30:340:30:36

He says that I can keep it or I can do it up and sell it.

0:30:360:30:39

And if I do a good job he's going to put another one my way.

0:30:390:30:41

You're going to work for Stuart?

0:30:410:30:44

HOOTING

0:30:450:30:46

Ah, this just gets better.

0:30:500:30:53

Paul.

0:30:530:30:54

Come on, Dad, stop being so negative!

0:30:540:30:58

It's everything I've ever dreamed of!

0:30:580:31:01

What you got there, Becky, is an entry level vehicle.

0:31:010:31:04

It's got a couple of dents, few miles on the clock, but,

0:31:040:31:07

then again, haven't we all?

0:31:070:31:09

I had a blue Type 2 Danbury on the lot last week.

0:31:100:31:13

Literally beating them off with a shitty stick.

0:31:130:31:15

-Literally?

-Yeah.

0:31:150:31:17

It's like a car and a house and a job all rolled into one.

0:31:170:31:19

I could go anywhere. I could sleep in it. Cook in it.

0:31:190:31:22

Comes with a chef, does it?

0:31:220:31:23

Ha-ha. I could take mates to festivals.

0:31:230:31:26

Lose your life going too fast on the way home.

0:31:260:31:29

Is it insured?

0:31:290:31:30

Fully comp.

0:31:300:31:31

Does that mean yes? I think that's yes!

0:31:310:31:33

I mean, it cost an arm and a leg to insure it at her age, but, er,

0:31:330:31:36

can't cut corners, eh, Paul, when it comes to family?

0:31:360:31:39

No.

0:31:390:31:40

Especially if you've put them in a death trap in the first place.

0:31:400:31:43

It is mad, Rebecca. You do understand that, don't you?

0:31:430:31:46

What your dad's saying is that if it's what you want for now,

0:31:460:31:49

go for it.

0:31:490:31:50

If you can't go mad at your age, when can you?

0:31:500:31:52

I don't know why I bother.

0:31:520:31:54

Come on, Joe, let's go! You steer, I'll do the pedals!

0:31:540:31:57

Joking!

0:31:570:31:58

She just needed something to do, Paul.

0:32:020:32:04

She looked a bit lost, to be honest.

0:32:040:32:06

Thanks for your parenting tips, Stuart.

0:32:060:32:08

Well, I've had some experience.

0:32:080:32:09

You have! Yeah, how many is it now?

0:32:090:32:12

Five. Six?

0:32:120:32:13

-Paul.

-No. No. It's fair enough. I've always had high testosterone.

0:32:130:32:17

It's like a condition. You know there's actually a word for it?

0:32:170:32:21

There is indeed.

0:32:210:32:23

Look, I just thought she might need a bit of a project to keep her

0:32:230:32:26

occupied while she works out what she wants to do.

0:32:260:32:28

She's going to university!

0:32:280:32:29

Yeah, I know.

0:32:290:32:31

What, you don't really think she's going to stick at this, do you?

0:32:310:32:34

Working for me? What, kid her age, with her brains?

0:32:340:32:36

No chance.

0:32:360:32:38

You-You don't know that.

0:32:380:32:39

Yeah, I do.

0:32:390:32:41

Look, I may not have certificates, but I'm a great judge of people.

0:32:410:32:44

I mean, I-I chose Alison, didn't I?

0:32:440:32:47

If she doesn't go to university, is it really the end of the world?

0:32:490:32:52

I mean, look at us three. We turned out all right.

0:32:520:32:56

You fell out with her. That's why she's out there now in a death trap.

0:32:560:32:59

You sort it out. I'm off to work.

0:32:590:33:00

What? Right now? Hang on. Hang on.

0:33:000:33:02

-Look, Stuart, it's lovely to see you and everything, but...

-Yeah, you, too.

0:33:020:33:05

MUSIC PLAYS

0:33:140:33:15

You go up to go right.

0:33:150:33:17

You all right? You and Paul seem a bit...

0:33:220:33:26

It's not great, no.

0:33:270:33:29

What did I used to do to cheer you up?

0:33:300:33:32

I don't think that's an option.

0:33:320:33:34

The last time you cheered me up we ended up with Rebecca.

0:33:340:33:37

Oh, yeah!

0:33:370:33:38

Thanks for sticking up for her.

0:33:390:33:41

Sometimes it takes someone from outside the family to point out the obvious, you know?

0:33:410:33:45

Yeah, I do. It's never been you before today!

0:33:450:33:47

Look, Rebecca's bound to go to university.

0:33:490:33:52

You're her mum, and you should've gone.

0:33:520:33:55

Thanks.

0:33:550:33:57

And I'm sorry that, you know,

0:33:570:33:59

I put the kibosh on all that by getting you up the stick.

0:33:590:34:01

I could still go to university now.

0:34:030:34:05

You could, yeah.

0:34:060:34:08

Not right away.

0:34:080:34:10

But I've-I've volunteered to help out at a primary school

0:34:100:34:12

in Manchester next term.

0:34:120:34:14

So, see how that goes, and then maybe do a course,

0:34:140:34:17

teacher training or something.

0:34:170:34:19

Volunteering? I don't get it.

0:34:190:34:21

Yeah, no, I didn't think you would.

0:34:210:34:23

If you're that keen on kids why don't you just have a couple more of your own?

0:34:230:34:26

You're still just about young enough.

0:34:260:34:27

Oh, thanks, thanks.

0:34:270:34:29

No, I know you subscribe to the old "let's have another baby and hope for the best" model

0:34:290:34:33

but I'm not sure that's really for me.

0:34:330:34:35

Is that why Paul's got a cob on, because you're making career plans?

0:34:350:34:37

No, he doesn't know. You're the only person I've told.

0:34:370:34:40

Oh. Right.

0:34:400:34:42

Right.

0:34:440:34:45

Piss off.

0:34:470:34:48

Ah, if you're going to give me a blow-by-blow account of last night's

0:34:530:34:56

Sex Olympics, I'm not in the mood.

0:34:560:34:58

Just as well. I got disqualified after three false starts.

0:34:580:35:01

You know Nicola showed that fucking film at the health centre?

0:35:040:35:08

The film? What film? Oh, Joe's film. Thanks for reminding me.

0:35:080:35:12

I'd forgotten you didn't like it.

0:35:120:35:14

Do you ever think maybe you're just going mad

0:35:170:35:20

and that you've got about...EVERYTHING wrong?

0:35:200:35:23

I've got a bunch of students from this morning who definitely think so.

0:35:230:35:26

Oh, and then Rebecca rocks up in a campervan.

0:35:260:35:28

Like I'm supposed to just nod along with it.

0:35:280:35:31

Like I don't get a say.

0:35:310:35:33

There's a day in every man's life

0:35:330:35:35

-when he realises he's not his family's Michael Corleone.

-Eh?

0:35:350:35:38

Then there's a worse day you realise you're Fredo.

0:35:380:35:41

The chocolate frog?

0:35:420:35:43

See, my problem is I think of the right thing to say

0:35:470:35:49

about a day after the conversation's happened.

0:35:490:35:52

By the time you get home tonight you should have a zinger of a speech ready.

0:35:520:35:56

For a film you hate, you aren't half watching the life out of it.

0:36:470:36:51

It's not Joe. It's Rebecca.

0:36:510:36:53

Oh, look at her.

0:36:540:36:56

Just look at her!

0:36:580:37:00

Do you know how many hours we've got of this girl of ours?

0:37:050:37:08

I hate to think.

0:37:080:37:09

Do you know how many hours we've got of Joe?

0:37:110:37:13

It's different with a second child.

0:37:150:37:17

You never take as many photos, you never do.

0:37:170:37:19

We just stopped filming him, didn't we?

0:37:200:37:23

Just... After the diagnosis, we just stopped filming him,

0:37:230:37:27

and I think we both know why that was.

0:37:270:37:29

Do we?

0:37:290:37:31

Because we hated his autism?

0:37:320:37:33

Except you didn't.

0:37:340:37:36

I was the one that had a problem with it.

0:37:360:37:38

It's taken me two years to get to where you were with Joe, Paul.

0:37:430:37:48

Two years not to see it as a problem that I had to take on and solve.

0:37:480:37:53

You were the accepting one.

0:37:540:37:55

When I finally get to where I think you are, you've moved.

0:37:570:38:01

# The calendar on your wall was ticking the days off

0:38:110:38:17

# You've been reading some old letters

0:38:170:38:20

# You smile and think how much you've changed

0:38:200:38:24

# All the money in the world couldn't buy back those days

0:38:240:38:31

# You pull back the curtain

0:38:310:38:33

# And the sun burns into your eyes

0:38:330:38:37

# You watch a plane flying

0:38:370:38:40

# Across a clear blue sky

0:38:400:38:45

# This is the day your life will surely change

0:38:450:38:51

# This is the day when things fall into place

0:38:510:38:58

# You could have done anything... #

0:39:120:39:15

-Thought you didn't like him being filmed.

-This is different.

0:39:200:39:25

Does Mum know you've come round to her point of view?

0:39:250:39:28

I haven't.

0:39:280:39:30

For what it's worth, I think you might be half right.

0:39:310:39:34

Half right? Really?

0:39:340:39:37

I don't know how much he'll like it when he's 18, you know?

0:39:390:39:42

Exactly.

0:39:420:39:45

The problem is that I think Mum might be half right, too.

0:39:450:39:48

But then, what do I know?

0:39:500:39:52

OK.

0:39:570:39:59

GP's letter. Teacher's report. Old plan. Speech therapy report.

0:39:590:40:03

We just need to finish that and then we're good to go.

0:40:030:40:06

I'm sorry I didn't get it all done.

0:40:060:40:08

Are you OK?

0:40:080:40:09

So, as long as we get the council to agree to the changes

0:40:090:40:12

in the EHC plan, Mark will go to the college he wants.

0:40:120:40:15

That sound good to you, Mark?

0:40:170:40:18

Thanks, Alison. I just lost the will to live.

0:40:210:40:25

Come on, how far did you get?

0:40:250:40:27

Well, I know it's all supposed to be in Mark's words

0:40:270:40:29

but I did write some of it myself.

0:40:290:40:31

You and every other parent in the country.

0:40:310:40:32

But he did write his own bit in the hopes, dreams and ambitions section.

0:40:320:40:36

Great.

0:40:360:40:37

Oh, I'd like to hear that.

0:40:390:40:41

I wish to be happy.

0:40:510:40:52

I hope to be a drummer in a band.

0:40:540:40:57

I hope to have friends.

0:40:580:41:00

I hope to have a girlfriend.

0:41:020:41:04

And I hope to have children.

0:41:040:41:05

A good day for me is when I say things

0:41:070:41:10

and everybody knows what I mean.

0:41:100:41:12

I would like to be cool, but my mum doesn't have the books.

0:41:120:41:16

I would like the words to come slower,

0:41:170:41:20

from outside and inside.

0:41:200:41:22

I would like to go to college and hang out with other kids my age.

0:41:230:41:28

I'd like them to be OK with having a big autistic lad for a friend.

0:41:280:41:32

I would like that very much indeed.

0:41:320:41:34

Amen to that.

0:41:380:41:40

Amen to that.

0:41:410:41:43

Morning, Maurice.

0:41:550:41:57

You thinking about getting a dog after all?

0:41:570:41:59

Hey, Maurice, do us a favour?

0:42:010:42:03

Whoa, give over!

0:42:030:42:04

Give us Joe in one word.

0:42:040:42:05

-I don't like playing games at Christmas, I'm sure I don't want to do it now!

-Come on!

0:42:050:42:09

First word that comes into your head when you think of Joe.

0:42:090:42:12

That is lovely, Ella. That's really coming on a treat.

0:42:160:42:19

Shall we think about some music we could play while you danced?

0:42:210:42:24

You're not really thinking about becoming a second-hand car saleswoman, are you?

0:42:250:42:29

I have to do something. Mum and Dad need me to stay.

0:42:290:42:33

And do what?

0:42:330:42:34

I'll pick something up.

0:42:340:42:36

You will in that campervan, that's for sure.

0:42:360:42:38

I can't go anywhere when they're like this.

0:42:380:42:40

If something's wrong with them, then something will be wrong with Joe.

0:42:400:42:43

And he can't sort them out, can he?

0:42:430:42:45

And you can? With your track record?

0:42:450:42:47

Do you know why we became friends on the first day of secondary school?

0:42:490:42:52

A weakness for mascara?

0:42:540:42:56

Well, yes, that,

0:42:560:42:58

but because we both knew we were going to get away from this place.

0:42:580:43:02

Lovely, lovely, lovely.

0:43:040:43:08

Who would like to go next?

0:43:080:43:10

Ramesh. And what will you be doing for us?

0:43:100:43:13

-It's a magic trick.

-Excellent.

0:43:130:43:15

Except we all know there's no such thing as magic.

0:43:150:43:18

Well, I wouldn't argue with that so far.

0:43:180:43:20

# Don't push too far

0:43:220:43:24

# Your dreams are china in your hands

0:43:240:43:27

# Don't wish too hard Because... #

0:43:270:43:30

You just have to stay around here

0:43:300:43:32

and you stand a high chance of becoming dull.

0:43:320:43:35

Never the case for me, but for you.

0:43:350:43:37

I'll take that risk.

0:43:370:43:38

# China in your... #

0:43:380:43:39

Engine.

0:43:400:43:41

What?

0:43:410:43:43

When I'm out with him. He's got a good engine on him.

0:43:430:43:46

That word you wanted.

0:43:460:43:47

-"Engine?"

-Yeah.

0:43:470:43:49

It's taken you all day to come up with that?

0:43:490:43:51

Has anybody else said it?

0:43:510:43:52

No. Surprisingly.

0:43:520:43:54

Come on.

0:43:570:43:58

Engine.

0:43:580:43:59

What're you doing here?

0:44:040:44:05

University terms.

0:44:050:44:08

It's not what I meant.

0:44:080:44:10

Come on, Emily.

0:44:140:44:15

If I was a woman I'm not sure I'd be happy about you having a key

0:44:180:44:20

to your ex-wife's house.

0:44:200:44:22

Sorry. I stopped listening after "If I was a woman." Give me a moment.

0:44:220:44:25

You know what I'm saying. You've still got ketchup on your chin from last night's barbecue.

0:44:250:44:29

I really, really don't know what you're saying.

0:44:290:44:31

Holly. She must be pissed off with you, always running back here.

0:44:310:44:34

Whatever Holly feels is no longer any concern of mine.

0:44:340:44:37

Oh, well, welcome to the club.

0:44:380:44:40

What?

0:44:400:44:41

Louise. She's ended it.

0:44:410:44:43

Ended it?

0:44:430:44:45

It's not official yet, so don't go blabbing.

0:44:450:44:48

No. No.

0:44:480:44:49

She does know she's ended it, doesn't she?

0:44:510:44:54

Let me get this right.

0:44:560:44:58

Ralph said something, you didn't know what he meant,

0:44:580:45:00

and this was three days ago,

0:45:000:45:02

but you still haven't actually rung Louise to ask her?

0:45:020:45:05

In 1876, a man called Alexander Graham Bell invented

0:45:050:45:10

the telephone so that years later an emotionally repressed 58-year-old

0:45:100:45:15

man could use his invention to phone his girlfriend and talk to her.

0:45:150:45:20

I can't very well ask her now, can I?

0:45:200:45:22

She's halfway through chemo. It wouldn't be fair.

0:45:220:45:25

Well, as excuses go, that's got a nice fake ring of nobility about it,

0:45:250:45:28

but it's still an excuse.

0:45:280:45:30

And she was off with me in the supermarket.

0:45:300:45:32

What is this? Fifth form? What're you going to do next?

0:45:320:45:34

-Wheelies outside her house on your bike?

-I'd been thinking.

0:45:340:45:37

I suggested we book a holiday after the chemo, she shut that right down.

0:45:370:45:41

She probably doesn't want to plan that far ahead. It's a tricky time.

0:45:410:45:44

What was Mum like about that stuff?

0:45:480:45:50

You know what your mum was like.

0:45:500:45:53

She always liked to plan ahead.

0:45:530:45:55

She even wrote her own funeral plan.

0:45:570:45:58

Dad. Take it easy. You're both going through an awful lot.

0:46:010:46:07

Everything's bound to be blown right out of proportion.

0:46:080:46:11

Go round there, calmly.

0:46:110:46:14

Think about what you're going to say. Then listen.

0:46:140:46:17

Listen to what she's saying. What she's really saying.

0:46:180:46:22

Not some half-baked interpretation of a throwaway remark from Ralph.

0:46:220:46:27

And how about breaking the habit of a lifetime?

0:46:270:46:30

Don't do anything rash. Don't say anything rash.

0:46:300:46:34

You're right. I know you're right.

0:46:350:46:38

I'm always right about other people's relationships.

0:46:380:46:41

Are you still here?

0:47:510:47:53

People keep saying that!

0:47:530:47:54

It's Paul.

0:48:000:48:01

So it is.

0:48:040:48:06

The film.

0:48:060:48:08

Yeah. The film.

0:48:090:48:12

You just needed to warn me. Maybe, you know,

0:48:120:48:16

before I saw it, maybe, the first time.

0:48:160:48:20

I didn't know I'd have to.

0:48:200:48:21

I thought you were OK with how Joe is.

0:48:210:48:24

I am OK. I am OK with Joe.

0:48:240:48:27

Good. Great. That's all cleared up, then.

0:48:270:48:28

You know, Paul, I care about Joe.

0:48:280:48:30

And I care about you and Alison and Rebecca.

0:48:300:48:34

There we are, then. Misunderstanding over.

0:48:340:48:36

And every bit of progress that has ever been made about people's

0:48:360:48:38

attitude to autism has been made because people talked about it,

0:48:380:48:41

were open about it and explained it.

0:48:410:48:43

-Paul came here to apologise, Nicola.

-No, I didn't.

0:48:430:48:45

And that's all I'm trying to do. Move things on, make it better understood.

0:48:450:48:48

Right.

0:48:480:48:50

It was only ever for that group.

0:48:500:48:51

I won't be showing it again.

0:48:510:48:53

I was never going to be showing it again.

0:48:530:48:56

Right, thank you for that.

0:48:570:48:59

Oh, God! You don't have to thank me.

0:48:590:49:02

You just have to know that I would never do anything

0:49:020:49:04

to further my career if I thought it was at Joe's expense.

0:49:040:49:07

You know, for all your tact and diplomacy, I thought

0:49:160:49:18

it might have gone either way there, just now.

0:49:180:49:20

Yeah, I think he could tell the alpha male in the room.

0:49:200:49:22

-That'll be it.

-And I know it's because he isn't OK with Joe.

0:49:220:49:26

-Well, the film can't have helped if he is having problems.

-Hm.

0:49:260:49:29

No. You're right. It probably didn't.

0:49:300:49:33

Hallelujah. She admits she's wrong.

0:49:330:49:35

I didn't say that.

0:49:350:49:36

So it wasn't right, but it's not wrong, either?

0:49:360:49:38

I was single-minded. That's how I work.

0:49:380:49:41

I've always been an eye-on-the-end-result kind of woman.

0:49:410:49:43

Well, that would certainly explain our sex life.

0:49:430:49:45

I don't go out of my way to trample over everyone's feelings.

0:49:450:49:48

-It's just...

-A habit, I know.

0:49:480:49:49

Yes.

0:49:500:49:52

Like you turning up here every time you're at a loose end.

0:49:520:49:54

Well, Emily's here. I don't think I need another reason, do I?

0:49:540:49:58

No, I don't mind.

0:49:580:50:01

Why don't you stay?

0:50:010:50:03

Well, it'd be hard to move, now I've made myself comfy in this slough of despond.

0:50:040:50:10

Got a late booking for a table of ten.

0:50:120:50:14

The beetroot starters all went at lunchtime.

0:50:140:50:16

Gary's in a state, it might involve fennel.

0:50:160:50:19

See you later.

0:50:190:50:21

Right.

0:50:210:50:22

Is that all you're going to say?

0:50:220:50:24

Well, what else can you can say about beetroot and fennel?

0:50:260:50:29

Right.

0:50:300:50:32

Look...

0:50:320:50:33

it's not like I just woke up one morning

0:50:330:50:36

and decided to feel this way.

0:50:360:50:38

Really? Cos that's what it feels like to me.

0:50:380:50:41

Cos you've never talked about it. We never talk about it.

0:50:410:50:44

I don't want to talk about it. I didn't even want to feel it.

0:50:440:50:48

I just... I wanted to bury it.

0:50:480:50:50

Yeah.

0:50:500:50:52

And bury us along with it.

0:50:520:50:55

So Ralph said we wouldn't need you any more?

0:51:130:51:15

And that's why you stopped talking to me?

0:51:150:51:18

Well, I was in a bit of a tailspin, to be honest.

0:51:180:51:20

I could see that.

0:51:200:51:21

So why didn't you ask me what was up?

0:51:210:51:23

Because I thought you might say that you'd had enough.

0:51:230:51:26

That you were only sticking around out of a sense of duty.

0:51:260:51:29

So what did Ralph mean?

0:51:300:51:31

This has been a big change for Ralph.

0:51:330:51:35

Me having...this, and you being around,

0:51:350:51:39

and all we've ever said was that you were helping to look after me,

0:51:390:51:41

so why wouldn't he think that once the chemo was over, we were over, too? So, are we sorted?

0:51:410:51:47

Almost.

0:51:490:51:50

Oh, right. What else?

0:51:520:51:53

Gone very quiet. It's never a good sign.

0:51:550:51:58

Well, it's obvious, in't it?

0:51:580:51:59

Not really.

0:52:020:52:03

I loved Sandra, you know.

0:52:060:52:07

I know.

0:52:090:52:11

Great marriage. Great, you know, bedroom stuff.

0:52:110:52:15

Big reader.

0:52:160:52:17

Argue like I don't know what.

0:52:190:52:22

Good mum.

0:52:220:52:24

Very strong legs.

0:52:250:52:26

Good-natured. Smoothed things over after I've got everybody's back up.

0:52:280:52:32

Never forgot anybody's birthday.

0:52:320:52:34

Great dancer.

0:52:360:52:37

I loved her.

0:52:390:52:41

I loved her so much.

0:52:420:52:44

So?

0:52:490:52:51

So?

0:52:510:52:53

Will you marry me?

0:52:560:52:59

What?

0:53:030:53:05

Good lad!

0:54:020:54:04

Oh, all right, Joe!

0:54:130:54:15

I know what you're doing!

0:54:180:54:20

I want to look.

0:54:340:54:36

Headphones.

0:55:270:55:29

Punk.

0:55:290:55:30

Neuro-atypical.

0:55:300:55:32

Roof.

0:55:320:55:33

Local.

0:55:350:55:37

One-off.

0:55:410:55:43

That's two words. You're supposed to be the clever one.

0:55:430:55:45

Engine.

0:55:480:55:50

Joe.

0:55:500:55:52

Son.

0:55:520:55:53

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen...

0:56:380:56:39

to the Millcross Primary End of Year Show.

0:56:390:56:42

Right now, it's me and your dad's

0:56:420:56:44

responsibility, and we're fine with it.

0:56:440:56:46

What if you and Dad aren't fine with each other, what then?

0:56:460:56:48

-Let's not blame Joe.

-Who shall we blame?

0:56:480:56:50

It's us, Alison.

0:56:500:56:51

We need to talk. For the next five minutes, I want you to talk like me and not like you.

0:56:510:56:55

Brutally honest.

0:56:550:56:56

How much trouble are we in here?

0:56:560:56:57

I just want to run away.

0:56:570:56:59

-From what?

-From this, all this, from everything.

0:56:590:57:01

All I've got is this, Paul. I can't imagine a world where you

0:57:010:57:04

and Alison would ever not be together.

0:57:040:57:06

Can we leave off the hide and seek now? I'm running out of energy.

0:57:060:57:10

I feel like I've opened the door on us

0:57:100:57:12

and all the bad stuff just... It-It's pouring out.

0:57:120:57:15

Paul's deepest feelings about his son's autism emerge when Nicola makes a film of Joe's behaviours. Eddie reaches D-Day with Holly, while Maurice makes a shocking proposal.