Episode 3 The Night Manager

-ALL:

-# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday, dear Elena

# Happy birthday to you. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

My darling daughter! The most beautiful girl in the world!

CHEERING

-A marvellous necklace from Paris!

-ALL:

-Ooh!

The most expensive necklace!

ALL CHANT IN SPANISH

JUAN IN SPANISH

ALL CHANT IN SPANISH

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Enjoy the party!

CHEERING

LATIN DANCE MUSIC

CORKY LAUGHS

Thank you.

What about austerity, Apo?

This is austerity. You should have seen our country five years ago.

-Tomorrow's business...

-Uh-huh?

By the way, my Arab friend

is concerned you can't deliver the merchandise you promised.

-I wouldn't worry about that, Apo, it'll be fine.

-I hope so.

-Ah, Mr Barghati.

-Sandy.

-How good to see you.

LATIN DANCE MUSIC

SHE WHIMPERS

Oh, my goodness! Oh, Lord!

Oh, Lord! What's happening here?

MAID SOBS

SHE WHIMPERS, JUAN SPEAKS SPANISH

-Que pasa?

-SHE SOBS

MAID SOBS

LATIN DANCE MUSIC

-Jesus!

-Help her! Help me, please!

Elena! Elena!

Elena! Elena! ELENA!

She must've been in so much pain.

Yeah, well, she's caused a lot of other people pain, too.

We had to reschedule that meeting.

Still, the canapes were good.

What do you want to do about our Arab chum? Bring him out to the villa?

I don't much like that,

it's too risky if someone's got a watch on him.

Invite him to the children's party.

There'll be lots of people there, you can do your magic tricks.

Try and get them right.

-Fix it up, will you?

-OK.

Sorry, darling, I don't know what I was thinking,

it was a crass thing to say.

OK...

let's go, dream boy.

Huh!

Come on.

Go left.

Up the stairs.

So the silly sod is insisting on 10% and he is digging his heels in.

All right, we'll let him enjoy that for a week,

and then we'll take it away from him.

I'm happy to go with that.

Ah, there he is.

Dans, you're on.

Thank you very much, sir,

for rescuing me.

I hope you're feeling better.

You're very welcome.

All right, now scram. See if you can catch us some mackerel for supper.

And take the dogs, will you?

Go on, Shirley. Go on, you foul-smelling creature.

-You'll call him, will you?

-Yep. Leave it with me, I'll deal with it.

Don't waste any energy trying to sweet-talk him,

-just lay it out, let him sweat.

-All right.

All right, Frisky, no more interruptions,

-no-one on the terrace.

-BUZZING

-What the hell is that noise?

-Oh, Javier is blowing leaves.

Well, tell him to knock it off, will you? Cease and desist.

How's the face?

-It's fine.

-We'll be all right.

-So, what do you want?

-I'd like to...

to go back to the restaurant, if that's all right.

That's not what I meant.

What do you want...from the world?

LEAF BLOWER STOPS I don't know.

-I haven't got a plan. I'm taking some time out.

-Don't believe you.

You've never relaxed in your life.

If you say so.

Just sit down.

ROPER SIGHS

Everyone assumes that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth.

It's balls.

My father was an Oxfordshire auctioneer,

taught me the price of everything,

but the drive to create all of this,

that comes from me and me alone.

Where does it come from in you?

I'm not sure I have what you describe.

OK, you patched me up, I'm very grateful for that,

-and now I'd like to go.

-Corky can't make you out, you see.

Suspicious chap, Corks.

He's got bad vibes about you.

Why did you kill that fellow in Devon?

It's all over the wire.

We had to call the police, no choice.

They'll be here any minute.

You are a cool cucumber, aren't you?

He cheated me.

And you didn't like that?

-No, I didn't.

-Quite right.

The MacArthurs have confirmed for dinner, so...

that makes 12 tonight.

Or 13.

Come and tell us why you think this one's a bad apple, Corky?

Well, his references aren't too clever.

Luckily for you, old Jorge was so desperate for a sous chef,

he didn't bother to check them.

You faked them, Pine?

I needed the job.

I needed it fast, I didn't have time for formalities.

Where'd you get the passport?

I met a girl...in Devon.

Didn't we all.

Pretty little thing.

Who's Quince?

Her ex.

He'd never been abroad, he'd never had a passport, so I took his name.

You've taken a lot of names, haven't you?

It makes a man wonder who you really are.

So, father killed in Belfast,

no close relationship with mother,

married once for six months, we can assume not a triumph.

Two tours in Iraq, distinguished service.

And on return, what? Despair, depression,

and then five years as a night owl in the hotel business.

What was that? Hibernation?

Burying yourself alive?

And then a sudden moment of madness.

Thieving, narcotics...

murder.

ROPER CHUCKLES SOFTLY

This is bloody chaos, Jonathan.

Do you even know who you are?

Those two chaps you smashed up in the restaurant, did you know them?

-No.

-They hadn't eaten there before?

Did they look like they'd eaten there before?

-Ever sailed a boat for them?

-Is this some kind of interrogation?

-Let's pretend it is. Did you cook for them?

-No.

-The mussels were marvellous, by the way.

-You weren't the lookout guy?

-You didn't switch roles halfway through?

-No.

That's another of Corky's theories.

Listen, I haven't asked for anything, all right?

I don't expect a reward,

I certainly don't appreciate this investigation into my personal life.

And, frankly, I'm bored of your hospitality.

Maybe I'm not squeaky-clean,

but nor, I suspect, are you and your little friend here,

so maybe we just leave it at that.

-Little friend!

-I know! Charmant!

-Where are you going?

-I'm leaving.

What are you going to do for a passport ?

I have a passport in the name of Thomas Quince. Where is it?

Corky, sock him the bad news.

The passport's gone, old love.

Thomas Quince had to be shredded.

-What are you talking about?

-It's no good getting in a panic, my dear.

Your cover's blown sky-high.

Tom Quince is on every wanted list on God's earth.

Murder, theft, sadly not buggery, but we'll work on that.

That was my passport. That was mine!

Well, you're going to have to learn to be someone else, aren't you?

DOOR OPENS

I said no-one in here!

Sorry, baby, I didn't know. Jesus!

Sorry, my darling, I didn't know it was you.

It's actually good news - Thomas is going to be staying for a while,

-till he's fighting fit again.

-Oh.

That's great.

You want to come for a swim?

Go on. Corky can lend you some Speedos.

-I'd like to.

-SHE LAUGHS

Corky, why don't you put him

in the fisherman's cottage at the end of the estate,

-while we work out what to do with you.

-All right, boss.

And what am I supposed to do until then?

Well, you can keep Dans company.

We were supposed to have a school friend here for the holiday,

but the bugger stood him up.

His mother doesn't approve of me.

One more thing...

..I run a tight ship here.

You're right, we do a little swashbuckling every now and then,

but we play straight with each other.

Now, you saved my boy and I'm grateful,

but if you step out of line...

we'll make you howl for your mother.

What size feet have you got?

-12.

-Hmm.

Now, house rules.

No phones, no postcards to Devon dumplings.

No messages in a bottle.

The chief values privacy... as do we all.

All the way down to the beach,

as far as you can go, and it's on the right.

Alternatively, fill your pockets with stones,

walk into the sea...

and keep going.

Anything?

-No.

-SHE SIGHS

Bloody hell! I hate this bit.

Off every tree you may freely eat -

maids, serving wenches, cooks,

typists, masseuses,

even the lady who comes to clip the canary's claws.

But if you lay one hand on that precious fruit,

then like the Belgians in the Congo,

we'll chop it off.

And I don't mean the hand.

Senor Roper.

Morning.

I was wondering if I might take Danny into town?

What for?

A change.

-He likes you, doesn't he?

-I hope so.

I like him.

Frisky and Tabby will go with you.

Pine...

..thank you.

It's me. They're on the move.

BIRDSONG

Do you always have this much company, Danny?

Since the restaurant.

-It's a bit boring, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Oi! DANNY GASPS

It's OK. It's all right.

DANNY LAUGHS

-Danny?

-Yeah.

-What do you say...

to an ice cream?

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Great.

Actually...

JONATHAN GRUNTS

..why don't you ask Frisky and Tabby

-if they want an ice cream as well, huh?

-OK.

Would you like an ice cream?

-No.

-Really? Would you?

-No.

-They didn't want one.

-They don't want one?

-No.

They are very strange, aren't they, those two?

Yeah, especially on a day like this,

who wouldn't want an ice cream?!

What's your favourite flavour, Danny?

-Pistachio.

-JONATHAN ORDERS IN SPANISH

MAN REPLIES IN SPANISH

-Danny?

-Yeah?

Do you know who's...coming to the party on Sunday?

It's a select group, around 25.

ANGELA SPEAKS SPANISH

Sorry, I need to hear the complete list,

all the names of all your ice creams.

Oh, gracias. Sorry.

That's all right.

I think Sandy and Caroline will probably be there, won't they?

I don't know who's coming.

You see, I've got this problem,

it's Major Corcoran.

-I don't think he likes me very much.

-Why not?

-I don't know.

But he's trying to find out everything he can about me.

All the way back to the time of the ancient Egyptians.

THEY LAUGH

Mmm. Muchos gracias.

Right, waiting's over.

We've got a spot of work to do, thank God.

-So, how often do you come here?

-Only in the summer.

It must be nice to see Dad, though?

Do you play tennis with him?

I have lessons with Lewis.

-Roper's not here much.

-Well, I expect he works hard, eh?

-That's why he has such a big house.

-I bet you've counted the rooms.

-23.

There's three kitchens and a big office by the pool.

And there's Roper's secret study in his bedroom,

but no-one's allowed in there.

-Except you? Special guest?

-I'm not.

He calls it The Citadel.

And there's one key...

and he hides it.

-Do you know what's inside?

-He says it's full of peppermints.

Well, I'd lock it up too if I were him.

THEY LAUGH

Plus, there's an alarm.

They test it every day at 11.

You have to be really careful.

-Why?

-This is where I cut my foot last year.

Roper made me stand in the sea for about half an hour,

because of the salt.

CHURCH BELL CHIMES

Ever since his daughter killed herself, he comes here every day.

And that's not all. Yesterday afternoon,

he calls the hotline of the Madrid Public Prosecutor's Office,

says he has information regarding a world-class illegal arms deal.

Operator asks his name, he hangs up.

Assumption, a priest's advice only goes so far.

PRIEST SPEAKS SPANISH

-Gracias, padre.

-Gracias.

Mr Apostol?

Who are you?

I'm your guardian angel, Mr Apostol.

I can't sleep.

Every night...

I ask myself the same question.

What I could have done?

HE SOBS

Now you're having a child...

..you can understand how I feel.

I can, Juan.

When you called the Madrid office,

you had blood on your hands.

And I'm here to wash it off.

How?

-You know Richard Roper?

-Yes.

-He's a friend.

-Juan, he's not a friend.

He dragged you down and he dragged your daughter down too.

If Roper wasn't in your life, I think she'd still be alive today.

Sorry.

Now, God knows how you bear it, I...I don't think I could.

Listen, I'm on the side of the angels.

We're good people,

we play it straight and we keep our promises.

OK?

But I need your help.

Do you know Lance Corcoran?

Yes.

He's Roper's right-hand man.

Right, well, that's what needs to change.

Are you pink?

Socialist, left-wing, march of history, that sort of thing?

It wouldn't bother me if you were,

it's another one of Corky's bugbears.

He seems to have a few.

Yeah.

Been in a lot of foxholes, me and Corky.

Once spent a week together in a police cell in Delhi.

I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my whole life.

Was he drinking then?

Well, now, that is a deeply odd thing to say.

What business is it of yours how much he drinks?

When my father was serving in Belfast...

..a sergeant in his platoon got drunk one night,

told a local girl what the next day's operation was.

The man I loved most in the world

was dead for five pints of lager and the promise of a quickie.

Right, so you don't drink and you're not pink, what are you?

Me, I'm a free man.

Free to think, free to work,

free to climb a mountain or lie in bed all day eating peppermint creams

without any bugger telling me how.

Then I'm a free man.

Oh, that's the free part, the man part's a little different.

See, children grow up thinking the adult world

is ordered, rational, fit for purpose.

It's crap. Becoming a man is realising...that it's all rotten.

Realising how to celebrate that rottenness, that's freedom.

-SANDY:

-Here we are.

-WOMAN:

-Out we go.

SANDY GROANS

Come on. Chop chop. Let's go.

-Mademoiselle.

-SHE GIGGLES

-Merci, monsieur.

-OK.

Senor? The bags, please. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for coming. Have a wonderful day.

Caro, divine as ever.

Sandy, sort of acceptable.

There you go.

Apo, my dear old friend.

-I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.

-Thanks.

How are you? I can't even imagine.

Mr Barghati, thank you so much for coming.

Please come inside.

Let's see if we can feed and sustain you before we get down to business.

And did you get the sweater?

Great.

Does it fit?

Mmm.

Uh-huh.

OK.

Love you. Bye, honey.

SHE SOBS

KNOCK AT DOOR, SHE GASPS

I'm so sorry to interrupt.

The guests are arriving and the party's going to start soon.

The story begins in Egypt 4,500 years ago.

The ancient Egyptians invented this game.

It is literally the oldest trick in the book.

Now, you start with a ball.

We have one, two, three cups.

You lay one cup like that, one cup like that, one cup like that...

All right?

Now, I'm going to take the ball

and I'm going to place the ball in the cup.

Shake the cup.

Turn it over.

All right, now, you have to watch very closely.

You have to watch the cups.

I'm going to move these two round like that.

This one round like that.

Everybody clear on where the ball is now? Danny, where's the ball?

You think the ball's here?

-No, Danny, the ball's in the middle!

-LAUGHTER

You're not watching the cups, Danny.

Thomas is watching the cups, aren't you, Thomas?

You're a gym bunny, aren't you? Aren't you?

A little cold gym bunny...

He can't stop his mouth - in every way.

Corky can get a little overexcited when he's drunk.

-Yes, that is what Mr Barghati is worried about.

-That little smile...

-Oh, hello!

-According to our friend, he has been shooting his mouth off -

talking about things he should not.

Barghati doesn't want him involved - condition of the deal.

-Thanks for that, Apo.

-Spit. Yeah! CORKY LAUGHS

Come... Come with me...

And it's a funny thing, isn't it?

If you want to piss...

I am so sorry to interrupt,

-but can I just borrow the old man for a second?

-Oh, of course.

-Thank you.

-Excuse me.

-Bye. Bye. Bye.

I have just spoken to Apo, and he has a...

There you go, Danny.

Thomas.

-ROPER:

-For God's sake...

Roper, Thomas and I are going to go for a little stroll.

All right, darling.

Frisky, Major Corkoran is here with some friends of Dorothy

that I would like to have escorted from the premises.

You and Tabby can make as much noise as you like. All right?

A pleasure. Tabbs.

CORKY: If you need to relieve yourself,

it's good to do it into a suitable perspective.

It's better than a urinal, isn't it?

-God's urinal, I call this.

-You've got to break it up.

You're giving the boss indigestion with your buddies here.

-Come on, lads. The party's over.

-Frisky, go pee-pee.

Leave your drinks here.

Frisky, don't be too rough.

WATER SPLASHES

Who are all these people?

How should I know?

You're not curious?

Why should I be? It's business.

Which is what?

Buying and selling agricultural equipment.

Caro says Sandy tells her everything.

That would drive me insane.

You shouldn't have seen me like that today, in my bedroom.

I'm sorry.

The door was open. I thought you were dressed.

That's not what I meant.

I don't care who sees me naked.

I do care who sees me crying.

You tell no-one you saw that, is that clear?

Of course.

I'm going swimming.

-Want to come?

-Ah...

I don't think that would be wise.

There's no current.

DRESS UNZIPS

That's not quite what I meant.

I know it wasn't.

HE SIGHS

There she goes,

beyond the ha-ha!

One day, Thomas, you'll live a little.

HE EXHALES

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

HE EXHALES

INSECTS CHIRP

TRAFFIC RUMBLES

SIRENS WAIL

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Erm, come...

Rex, do you have a minute?

The Permanent Secretary would love to see you.

Erm, yes.

-Is that a yes or a no?

-Mm-hmm.

-WOMAN LAUGHS

-DOOR OPENS

-Rex, come in.

You know Geoffrey Dromgoole, of course,

-and his team from the River.

-Rex.

Barbara Vandon from the American Embassy.

Rex Mayhew, my undersecretary.

-Good to see you, Rex.

-Barbara, how are you?

Rex, it's this Limpet thing.

Limpet?

The Joel Steadman enforcement operation

with Angela Burr on side-saddle.

Yes, I know what Limpet is - it's an enforcement case.

It's nothing to do with Langley... or River House.

Well, it's what Barbara feels we ought to be discussing.

Rex, Langley has been completely railroaded on this.

Currently, we have a joint operation on foreign soil

between two extremely fringe outfits.

They're chasing international arms in an area of the world

that is...way beyond their comprehension.

It's crazy.

I have to say, I agree.

You know, Limpet is operating in a highly incendiary region,

and I would hate to see that run out of control.

In my view, it should be placed under

a purely intelligence jurisdiction,

acting on a political brief,

-but it's not my decision.

-SIRENS WAIL

No, it's not.

I'm sure I don't need to remind you or your team

that my recommendation, accepted by the Permanent Secretary,

was that River House was overextended,

and that enforcement agencies were urgently needed to prosecute

any areas of international criminal activity that were,

for whatever reason, slipping through the intelligence net.

In that context, I find the actions of River House somewhat inimical

to the new era of parliamentary accountability and transparency.

Does that answer your question?

-Why don't we leave it there for today?

-Thank you.

DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS

Have you got a moment?

Not much more than that - Celia's cooking rabbit.

-That's all it will take.

-HE SNIFFS

Good job in there.

You pressed all the right buttons - accountability, transparency...

I don't like being bullied, never have.

You see, the thing is, I'm not sure that Limpet's quite

the abject failure that Angela Burr would have us believe.

Really?

So, the day that the Limpet case is ours,

you get an uncle in Switzerland who has suffered an untimely death...

a rich uncle.

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

-You're in over your head, Rex.

-It's...

Don't answer now...

but think about it.

Enjoy the rabbit.

-Morning.

-Hi.

-Are you not swimming?

-I'm not in the mood.

I like you, Thomas - you see everything and say nothing.

-SHE SOBS

-My husband is screwing our nanny.

What a cliche.

Jed said I should have hired an uglier girl

-but the agency only had stunners.

-SHE SNIFFLES

Could you do my back?

Don't worry, I don't want to sleep with you.

-Why is he keeping you here?

-I don't know.

Grooming you, is he?

For what?

You just be careful.

Roper's planning a big arms deal to Apo's Lebanese friend.

Weapons from seven British and American companies -

weapons no-one should be trading in.

Roper's using a company called TradePass to fence the deal.

He pretends it trades in agricultural equipment

and his investors pretend to believe him.

You can stop rubbing now.

Why are you telling me this?

I just want to be honest with someone in this world.

Does Jed know?

No, of course not!

Sandy screws everyone and tells me everything.

Roper is steadfastly faithful and tells Jed nothing.

Do you think I should tell her?

Maybe.

HE GRUNTS

If it's worry for your boy, forget it.

He knew what he was getting into.

Did he?

So, you and Mr Burr,

are you making a go of it?

Well, you know, like my mum says, "You make your bed - you die in it."

No, Gordon's a decent man. It's not his fault I'm not in love with him.

Listen...

Oh, Joel, let's not have that conversation, please?

Well, you can't deny the past.

-Past is all it is.

-It doesn't have to be.

SHE SIGHS

Joel...

You silly sod.

JOEL CHUCKLES

BIRDS TWITTER

Hi, Corky.

Frisky.

Hey, Danny.

Thomas, have you seen my phone?

I haven't. Sorry.

Dad'll be cross.

Everyone's cross and Jed's not talking to Dad.

What's going on?

I don't know.

I'll tell you what,

why don't I come downstairs and read you a bedtime story,

-and we can look for your phone in the morning?

-OK.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

What should we read?

I don't know. Which one's your favourite?

Three Little Pigs.

OK, the pigs?

I can give you the Thomas version - Two Little Pigs.

HE EXHALES

-COMPUTER BEEPS

-What's that?

-That right there. Punch that up. Punch that up.

-What is it?

It's your boy.

"Seven tractor firms" - seven armament manufacturers?

"Home sale with best friend" - that's the UK and the US.

"Buyer in Beirut via Worst Man".

Well, Worst Man is Roper - Roper's the middleman?

-What's TradePass?

-I'm not sure,

must be a front organisation.

What I do know, though,

is Roper's pressed the green light.

All right. OK. Hey, guys...

OK, so, just put the cases by the taxi and then you can jump in.

Good girl. Pop in. Jump in.

OK, put your seatbelts on, guys.

CARO CRIES SOFTLY

OK...

-OK. Here we go.

-ENGINE RUMBLES

WOMAN SOBS

Get in the taxi, you bloody whore!

-Caroline, for...

-You bitch!

Caroline, for Christ's sake, she's going.

She's going. She's go...

Caro...

Bitch! Whore!

-Caroline.

-Just shut up!

-All right.

Just shut up, Sandy, you shit!

What, you like the show?

You like the show, Dicky?

Dicky Roper?

CAR ENGINE REVS

See you later, guys.

Jed, darling...

Don't even.

Where is everybody?

-Monaco.

-Huh.

-Two days of meetings.

Things are ramping up.

And you're not...

-You're not going too?

-Not me, no.

The girl was supposed to go but she's blown him out.

I'm staying with her.

We're going riding instead.

Didn't she invite you?

-Oh, dear.

-PINE CHUCKLES

Very good. Well, have a nice time.

CLOCK TICKS, INSECT BUZZES

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

ALARM BLARES

ALARM CONTINUES

ALARM STOPS, HE EXHALES

-JED:

-I'll just be a minute.

What are you doing in here?

I brought you some flowers.

Why didn't you give them to the maids?

-I have to change.

-Close the door.

You can't be in here.

This is our bedroom.

What is that?

I found it on the desktop.

You broke into his office and you spied on his papers.

You have to be more careful.

-CORKY:

-Darling, Angel, Sweetie, everyone's starving...

-He can't see you.

-Get rid of him.

Are you decent?

-What's going on?

-Nothing. I'm coming.

How was your trip?

Noisy. I hitched a ride on a C-130.

Oh, fun.

How was yours?

Fine, thank you.

I'm not sure why we had to make it.

Is there a reason we're doing this in person?

Well, Halo is not too keen on intermediaries just now.

And yet he's sent you?

There's an enforcement operation called Limpet.

We have to keep our eyes on it.

Halo says you need to be careful.

I am always careful.

How far have they got?

They've drawn a line between Langbourne and Apostol.

-Jesus.

-How did they manage that?

A photograph of a meeting.

Are they after buyers or sellers?

We don't know. We assume both.

You can assure Halo that we have taken every precaution.

We have received intelligence of our own.

We are changing the guard.

Good.

-JED:

-'How was your meeting?'

It was fine.

It was fine?

Don't be so bloody childish! Look, Caro was upset.

She wanted to get back at Sandy so she started spreading manure.

That's it. End of story.

That's what it is - it's just a story?

Jesus, Jed, what the hell is the matter with you?

Tell me why I should believe you.

Why shouldn't you believe me?

When have I ever lied to you?

Oh, you...you don't lie to me.

You're much too clever for that. You just hide.

What? What do I hide?

The truth, Roper!

Well, what about your truth?

What about the things you hide from me?

I don't hide anything from you.

You have a child, Jed! You have a son.

Let's start with him.

Or don't you think he counts?

-How do you know?

-We're not talking how, we're talking why.

Why would you hide that from me?

That was not included in the brochure.

Screw your brochure, Roper.

You don't own me.

No-one is entitled to know things about me

that I don't want them to know.

Oh, but you're entitled to spy on my life?

I can read a bloody bank statement.

I'm paying money to raise another man's kid.

I know that...

..and now anyone listening to this phone call knows it too.

Apart from that, how was your day?

PHONE BEEPS

COMPUTER BEEPS

-PEN CLATTERS TO FLOOR

-On your feet, soldier.

HE GRUNTS

Where the hell did he get that?

-"Halo".

-Yeah.

BIRDS TWITTER

They're back?

Apparently so.

The chief wants to see you.

Not you, him.

Present for you on the table.

Thank you.

I told them to put some visas in it and make it look scruffy.

Never trust a new passport, in my view.

Always go with the old 'uns -

like Third World taxi drivers, there's a reason they have survived.

"Andrew Birch"?

We like the tree thing - we thought we'd stick with that.

It's all official. You are reborn.

The visas are real.

If you want to renew, go to the consulate abroad - less risky.

PASSPORT CLATTERS TO GROUND

-What's up?

-Erm, I thought that was my present.

Well, it can be, if you do something for me.

Right.

Sandy, papers.

Mm-hmm.

We're going to need a witness -

preferably Spanish so they can't actually read the bloody thing.

I'll get Carlos.

-Is he 18?

-Yeah.

Wait, what is this? What am I signing?

Jesus, Pine,

for a murderer on the run, you're pretty bloody picky.

I am giving you your own company.

Erm... Look, I... Look, I really...

I don't know anything about running a company.

You don't have to.

All you have to do is sign as Andrew Birch.

Why don't you practise a few signatures? Get the feel of it.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Andrew Birch.

B-I-R,

C for Charlie,

H for Hotel.

Go on. Manly one. Go for a manly one.

Andrew Birch in a hurry.

-ROPER GROWLS

-Andrew Birch. One more.

That's more like it.

DOOR OPENS

Carlos, ven aqui. Necesito que firmes esto.

There and there and one more there.

Carlos, here, right at the bottom.

Good lad.

DOOR OPENS

DOOR CLOSES

Welcome to the family, Andrew.