Ardingly Bargain Hunt

Today, we're at the biggest fair in the south of England.

Plenty of scope, then, to go Bargain Hunting.

Ardingly International

Antiques and Collectors Fair

is home to nearly 2,000 stalls, 90 shopping arcades,

six huge marquees

and literally hundreds of outside stands.

With these sort of numbers, our teams today have sure got their work cut out.

With each team trying to spend £300 on the best three items they can find,

and only an hour in which to do it,

it's going to be a right old race against the clock.

Those three items are then shipped off to the auction house to go under the hammer.

The team that makes the most profit, wins. Easy, isn't it?

Let's get out from behind these bars and meet the teams.

On the Red team, we've got Val and John. Welcome.

And for the Blues, we've got Nick and Sally. Welcome to Bargain Hunt.

Now, Val, what do you do, darling?

I work my partner's shop in the Lanes in Brighton, in the South Lanes.

-Mm-hmm, and do you ever get any famous people coming in?

-We do, yes.

We've had Noel Gallagher, Shirley Bassey, Jarvis Cocker from Pulp..

-Gosh.

-Nick Berry, various other people who are...

-Visiting the town?

-Yes.

-Oh, good. That's lovely, isn't it? And what do you collect, Val?

-Well, we collect motorbikes, really, and scooters.

-Really?

-Yes.

And how many motorbikes and scooters have you got?

-Well, we've got two scooters and three Harley Davidsons.

-Oh, quite serious stuff, then.

-Yes.

Gosh. And how come you know John, then?

I met John in the supermarket where he works, on his cash-out.

-Oh, he's on the cash?

-He is, yeah.

And you went in there one day, with your basket...

-I did.

-Was it just caramba, then?

Um, well, he was guessing what I was having for dinner.

It was spaghetti bolognese, and he also likened me to somebody who he's very fond of.

Yes, I'm a bit of a fan of a little singer-songwriter lady called Lynsey de Paul, and she reminded me of her.

I got chatting to her, as I do.

Is that a standard chat-up line in the supermarket, then?

Do you want to know what they're putting in their oven?

-Oh, yes. Sometimes it's a very interesting mixture.

-I'll bet it is!

So you're the happy, smiling chap, then, at the supermarket?

-Yes. Yes, I'm very fast and friendly on your checkout.

-Is that why they've got the longest queue...?

Yeah, I tend to get the queue that want to come and meet me.

No matter how long the other queues are, they'll come to mine.

Queue up for hours just to come through your cash-out?

-What do you collect, then, John?

-Showbiz memorabilia.

I've got some of Liberace's ornaments, the mirrored headboard out of the film The Bitch,

-that Joan Collins laid up against, Bet Lynch earrings.

-Oh, really?

Cos all that stuff just shoots up in value all the time, doesn't it?

-Yes, it seems so.

-Have you ever tried selling any of it?

I did have one of Bette Davis's frocks from Death on the Nile...

-Yeah.

-..and I bought it for 200 and sold it for 600.

Right. So that was a good turn.

-It was a good investment.

-Good luck today on Bargain Hunt.

-Now for the Blues, the fiances Nick and Sally.

-Hello, Tim.

-Hi. So, Nick, what do you do?

I'm a specialist support worker for the NHS.

I support people with learning disabilities and/or mental health problems.

-And what do you collect?

-Quite a few things, actually.

First of all, lighters, vintage lighters.

Also vintage cigarette cases and, more recently, vintage wrist watches.

And, even more recently, vintage robots.

-You're not at all obsessive, are you?

-No, not at all!

-What's it with robots, then?

Robots has come from Sal and I's obsession with all things Japanese,

and that culminated in us visiting Japan last year.

There was a plethora of vintage robots over there, so I've hooked onto that.

And you're planning your honeymoon in Japan?

-That's right, yes, in August. We're getting married in the summer.

-And how did you meet, then, Sal?

I got him on an online auction site.

-What do you mean "you GOT him on an online auction site"?

-It's amazing what you can find online!

That sounds really dodgy. I mean, how do you get your man online? Tell me about it.

-We met on an online dating site.

-Oh, I see. Yeah.

And what happens, then? You get to chat...

Yeah, we started out just by emailing

and then speaking on the phone, but I wasn't particularly interested

because he used to have really long dreadlocks. I saw his photo with long dreadlocks and...

You thought, "Not for me." Not for me. But when we met, it was...

Caramba. Another caramba! We're full of carambas on this programme!

-So he immediately got rid of the dreadlocks, yes?

-After a few months.

-After a few months, yeah.

-He's kept them.

-What do you mean?

-I've still got them in a bag.

-A plastic bag at home?

-I can't bear to part with them.

-So how long were these dreadlocks?

-They were sort of down to my bum.

Were they really? You've got enough to stuff a cushion!

-There's an idea.

-What sort of things do you collect, Sal?

Well, for some reason, I'm attracted to toast racks.

I've bought a few toast racks recently.

-I've known people who've collected toast racks- they are fun things.

-So I'm not the only one?

No, no, you're not the only one. You don't need to worry about being thick-sliced or anything like that.

Still quite safe. Who knows, you might go for one today on Bargain Hunt. Anyway, now the money moment.

£300 apiece. This is what you've been waiting for. There's your £300.

You know the rules, your experts await, and off you go, and very, very, very good luck.

Well, let's hope they come back with more than a toast rack, and let's meet today's experts.

Pretty as a picture for the Reds, it's Anita Manning.

And making right old racket for the Blues, it's Catherine Southon.

Come on, then, guys, let's give it a go.

I do quite like my watches.

-Ohh, I say!

-What about you?

Well, boxes. I'm quite liking boxes.

A couple of boxes over there...

With only 60 minutes on the clock, there's no time to lose,

but are the Reds barking up the wrong tree?

They come as a pair, do they?

-Take one if you want to, and if you want to, take one.

-He's trying to bamboozle you already!

So what do you think? Do you like...?

-Dogs are always popular, aren't they?

-You're a cat man, aren't you?

-I'm more catty than doggy, I must admit...

-Ah, right.

Let's have a look at them, Val. They're not silver.

They're not silver, are they? No, they're not silver.

They're a white metal, but this one here I like in particular.

It's very well moulded.

It's well made and there's a wee bit of quality there.

Now, I can't find any marks at all,

any maker's name, so there's nothing there.

We've got two different types...

Can you tell me? I'm not really...

-I don't know very much about the breeds. Do you know what kind of dogs they are?

-A bloodhound?

-I think that looks like some sort of hunting dog.

-This one's a boxer dog.

-It looks like a boxer.

-It's a boxer.

-A boxer?

-Yeah.

What sort of price are these?

35 quid the two.

£35?

-Well, that's the pair.

-£35 for the two.

I think they're brother and sister.

Yeah, I doubt that. I don't think so.

-Well, they've been together a long time.

-They have.

They're kissing cousins, yes.

-I think we need to try and go a wee bit...

-A bit lower?

Uh-huh. We want to make profit.

-We do.

-This is Bargain Hunt.

-Exactly.

18.

Um, you couldn't give me 25?

20.

-£20. Will it be cash?

-It'll be cash.

Go on, then, you've got a deal.

Only ten minutes gone, and the Reds are already wagging their tails with their first item.

A travelling ink bottle. Thank you very much for your time.

ANITA: Are you going out busking?

What do we have here?

Opera glasses.

What price? Ohh! We'll keep it in mind.

-Look, I'm liking these...

-That's quite sweet. You like dinky things, don't you?

-Yeah.

I think it's a bit expensive, but...

Oh, yeah, I'm liking that immediately. I am liking that.

You're liking it, I'm liking it. I'm liking it cos you're liking it.

-Have a feel.

-I really like that.

-Love the colour.

-And it's got its little stopper intact as well.

If it is original.

That's got a marking of some... R...

RB, I think that is. RB. I believe that would be a maker's name.

How old would that be? It looks Victorian, yeah?

Yeah, it could be sort of about 1910, that sort of date.

That's your era.

So I think maybe sort of post-Victorian.

I don't think it is Victorian.

£78 is quite... I'd like to get...

-I know it sounds quite cheeky, but I'd like to get that for sort of £40.

-40? Yeah.

It's not hallmarked as such, so I don't think we can actually...

Under the Hallmark Act, I don't think we can say it is silver.

We'd probably have to say white metal.

-It's just quite pretty, isn't it?

-It is.

-Shall we have a little word?

-I think so.

-Why don't you have a word and see...?

-We really need to get that at rock bottom, because I would see that at auction at £40 to £60.

-40.

Nick managed to get the scent bottle down to £65, but is that low enough?

With 20 minutes gone and literally hundreds of thousands of items to look at,

both teams are going to have to get their skates on.

You never see one and then two come along.

Now, what is that?

-It's a wee pencil case.

-Oh, I say.

-I like that.

-It's good!

You've got quite interesting things.

-How much?

-85.

-I mean, that is quite an unusual item.

-It is unusual.

It is unusual, yeah. Is this ebony?

That's like an ebony, uh-huh.

And this is a fruitwood here.

-It's like an umbrella.

-That's it. It's a novelty item.

We've got a little ruler there...

a pen and a pencil.

So it's a novelty item, and I think the market is good for novelty items.

Are we able to negotiate with you, sir?

It has to be 70 quid.

You're frightened by paying £60.

I'm tight.

Would you take 65?

No, I need 70.

-I don't think we're going to make much over the 70.

-You're not going to make much on it.

-No.

-But I don't think we'll lose much either.

-Right, OK.

I think we'll go for it, then.

Yeah. We'll go for it.

-We'll go for it.

-We'll go for it.

We'll go for it. We've thought about it.

-We've thought about it.

-We've examined it.

-We've examined it.

And the answer's yes.

OK. Wish us luck.

I will wish you luck. All the luck in the world.

The Reds are making some quick decisions today, but £70 for

that pencil case seems a bit on the blunt end of a profit to me. Huh!

We're nearly halfway through.

Let's see what's catching the eye of the Blue team.

-Do you know what these are?

-For making pills.

-Pill-making machines. Good, aren't they?

-They are.

-So you put your...

-Ingredients.

-..the mixture, the ingredients in here, and then...

-Is that the roller for that?

-Yeah. And then pull that down.

-I'm loving that.

-You're loving that?

-Yes.

-The pill-maker.

-I really like that.

It's Victorian, it's got a purpose.

Not many people... Well, I don't know, you might make your own pills, but...

-I think 98 is a bit punchy.

-Yeah.

-Why did you like this?

-I don't know.

It's sort of...cos it works.

-Or would work. It would still work, wouldn't it?

-Yeah, absolutely.

I think it's really nicely made.

It is quite nice quality. Sometimes these would've had a little...

-A plaque on it with the maker's name.

-Yes.

I could probably see this at auction at sort of £80 to £120.

-Really?

-Yeah. But I would like to buy it at about 60.

-How much?

About 60. Well, I'd like to buy it as cheap as possible, but...

-Mmm.

-Shall we give that a go?

We could do. You're the one that spotted it and liked it.

Why don't you try and get it down, and then when I've spotted something, I'll haggle down, all right?

-I'm liking that.

-Go and do your stuff.

-OK! Hello, mate.

-Hiya.

-Hi.

I'm really liking this.

98... 78.

Can you not go down a bit more?

Cos we were hoping for a maker's mark and there isn't one.

No. I can't. There's nothing in it.

78 I'd do. That's 20 quid off.

-70.

-We've got it in cash.

-70. Then it's yours.

Do you think that's reasonable?

I think it might be worth a go.

-I think £70, it might be worth a go. Agreed?

-Yeah.

At the museum, they actually will show you how to make it with Plasticine.

With sugar and Plasticine, they make them.

In the Black Country Museum, you can see it being done.

-OK.

-They've got a pharmacy that works there.

-Shall we go for this, then?

-OK, deal.

-You're welcome. Pleasure.

Deal. Thank you.

These dealers are a mine of information.

It's always worth having a chat as you negotiate.

The Bargain Hunt team get a lot of letters from viewers

who are confused about the Bonus Buy lark,

so I'll explain it to you very, very carefully.

Once our teams have bought their three items,

any change left over from their £300 gets given to the experts.

The experts then have to use that money to buy a fourth item,

which isn't revealed to the team until the auction.

Once the teams have sold their three items, then they have to decide

whether or not to include the sale of the fourth item in their total.

All clear now? Well, I'm glad we've sorted that out.

Both our teams have bought two of their three items

and, with 15 minutes remaining, the pressure's on to find one more shiny object.

But with so much choice, where does one begin?

-It's got a nice look, but a wee bit damaged.

-Yeah.

But thank you anyway, my darling.

You can get back and have a wee sleep.

-I know. I'm quite taken with this.

-Why do you like this?

-I don't know.

Oh, yes, there are some very pretty things.

Oh, now...

Oh, yes, that's a lovely one.

That's rather nice.

That's beautiful.

That's beautiful.

-You like that?

-I do.

Yeah. I like the shape.

It looks like a raindrop.

-Yes.

-Do you like a nice bit of glass, John?

I do like a bit of glass!

-I do.

-Where do you think it comes from? What do you think?

Who made beautiful glass?

The Italians.

-Mm-hmm.

-Is it Italian?

-Venetians.

Uh-huh, yes. There is no maker's mark on the bottom.

Could almost be Scandinavian.

Could be.

It's functional as well.

-Functional as well.

-A single flower.

You're very artistic. Is she artistic?

She's a very creative woman.

-She creates quite a lot.

-But I see that you've picked up another piece of glass here, Val.

-I have.

-Yeah.

-I like this. I love the colour.

It does stand out more as well, I think. More unusual.

-It's making a big statement.

-Yeah.

This is a quieter piece.

-Yes, it is.

-But I like in particular

this wonderful millefiori pattern round here.

What would you use it for, Val?

I'd probably put some form of scented candle in it, I think, as a centrepiece in the table.

Now, we've got two lovely items here, so we've got to choose one of them, John.

-I've already decided I like that better.

-And Val?

-I'll go with that as well.

-Yeah.

I think you may have made a wise choice there, so well done.

Price - how much is it?

It's £28.

-£28?

-Yes.

-Right.

So do you think we could perhaps

-ask the stall-holder if we can get it cheaper than that?

-We'll try.

Call him over.

Excuse me, sir.

-Hello.

-Hello.

We've chosen this item.

Mm-hmm, a good choice.

It's beautiful. It's £28.

Um...would you take £18 for it?

Um, I think 20 would be a better price, to be honest.

£20 is a nice round figure as well.

-A nice round figure.

-And it's a nice-looking note as well.

Well...I think we'll go with that.

-Great. Thank you very much. Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Do you want me to wrap it for you?

-Yes, that'd be lovely.

Well done, Reds. Three items and five minutes to spare.

But the Blues are still struggling to find their final item.

Time goes so quickly!

Where are we heading, then? Indoors?

-Oh, isn't that gorgeous?

-Yeah.

And it actually has the stamp, WMF. Shall we think?

We'll think about it. I really do like it.

I've spotted a toast rack.

Keep me away from the toast rack!

-Isn't that gorgeous?

-Mmm.

Oh, that is to die for.

Yeah. May I look at this little box? It's beautiful.

Ooh, it's a little purse!

Can you date it at all? Because I don't recognise the, um...

With the tortoiseshell, I'm thinking sort of 1860s. That sort of date.

Very sweet, isn't it? Now, you said you wanted something tactile.

-Yeah, I love it.

-It is really, really pretty.

I would see that at auction

-probably making around £80, £90, £100.

-Right.

-What's on it?

-It's well over 100.

160.

-But if you love it...

-Well...

-Is that gilt or just brass?

-Brass.

-Oh, decisions.

-Shall we see if we can...?

-I don't think she's going to go down very much on it.

Sal does her first deal and comes away looking pleased as Punch.

How did you do, Sally?

-I did really well.

-Yeah?

I got her down to 100.

Oh, well done! That's fantastic.

-She was...

-From 160?

-Yeah.

I said to her, "We've only got two minutes left," and I looked at her...

-That's fantastic. She should've...

-Done them all.

-That's amazing.

-I know.

-That's great.

-Oh, I really hope...

Because you love it, it's your piece, I hope we make a good profit on it.

-Let's hope so.

-Well done, Sally.

BELL RINGS

Time's up. Ooh!

Let's remind ourselves what the Reds bought.

Val and John went barking mad for these woofers at £20.

Will the umbrella pencil case make them a profit for a rainy day?

And will the candle-holder light up the auction house

like it lit up Val's face?

-So, Val and John, did you enjoy your shopping?

-Yeah, it was great.

-Yeah, it was lovely.

-And you had a lovely expert to look after you.

-We did. She's smashing, yeah.

-Which is your favourite piece, Val?

-The glass.

-The glass is your favourite. What about you, John?

-I like the glass too.

-You like the glass, yeah. Which piece is going to make the biggest profit?

-I think it might be the dogs.

-The dogs. All gone to the dogs. John?

-I'll put my confidence in the glass.

-OK, sticking with the glass.

You spent £110, which is not a lot of money.

I'd like £190 of leftover lolly to give straight to Anita.

So were they as good as they look?

They absolutely wonderful. I had a wonderful time working with them.

They are the best of friends,

and I've got my eye on something that will celebrate good friendship.

Oh, Lord, sounds alcoholic to me.

You'd better go off and get it, Anita.

And very, very good luck.

Let's remind ourselves what the Blues bought.

Nick and Sal sniffed out a bargain in this Victorian scent bottle.

Take one of these with a glass of water and you'll be fine.

£70 for the pill press.

And finally, some impressive bartering

saw £60 knocked off this tortoiseshell purse.

-So, Nick and Sal, did you have a great time?

-Yeah, great.

It was a bit of a whirlwind.

Certainly was a nail-biter at the end, I'd say.

Anyway, you did extremely well. Which is your favourite piece, Sal?

-Definitely the Victorian purse.

-The purse is your favourite. What about, Nick?

I think the 19th-century pill press.

Pill press.

Good. Which is going to bring the biggest profit?

-I hope the purse, actually.

-OK.

-I'm sticking with the pill press.

Ah, you're determined, you two.

Anyway, you spent a magnificent £235 eventually. £65 of leftover lolly.

Thank you very much. Goes straight to Catherine.

So quite an exhausting day for you, Catherine, I'd say.

Um, it was quite hard work. They're absolutely delightful, though.

-They're a nice team and we worked well, I think.

-Good.

-So I'm going to buy them something pretty and functional.

-Are you?

Mmm. Because we've got... She wants pretty and he wants functional.

All right, fine. Well, well done with that, anyway.

For me, I'm heading off somewhere amazing!

Here in the grounds of Leeds Castle lies a fiendish puzzle.

It's state-of-the-art, it's fully interactive and it's got some interesting 3D effects.

'Mazes are part of the Renaissance garden tradition,

'often created by wealthy people for their own enjoyment.

'The aim of the puzzle is to find a route to the centre, where a surprise often lies in store.'

Ah-ha! Once you get to the centre of this maze, there's only one way out,

and that's underground in a world that's bizarre and supernatural.

'Wa-ha-hah! Buried underneath the Leeds Castle maze is a very unusual grotto built in 1988.

'The first grottos were simply small caves near water

'that would have been used by our prehistoric ancestors.

'Most grottos in this country are based on ancient Roman and Greek designs

'that date back thousands of years.

They were generally built by aristocrats, intent on giving their guests a really good scare

'before enjoying a nice glass of Chardonnay.'

Crikey, Moses!

Look at this - a chamber entirely dominated by a mask of Typhon

which, according to Greek mythology,

was a hideous hundred-headed beast

that gave battle with Zeus and was ultimately buried under Mount Etna.

And it's supposed to represent the fire within the volcano.

On the opposite wall, in four niches, we've got the four elements -

earth, wind,

fire and water.

The figure of water is facing away from us

and composed of a series of minerals, shells and crystals.

On the ceiling, literally thousands of different-coloured pebbles and shells, arranged in coffers

filled with a black and white swans, which are the motifs, if you like,

of Leeds Castle - the real black and white swans swimming around in the moat.

And down here, a smaller chamber, but extraordinary sights to be seen.

Look through this grille.

Inside here, we've got a shell-encrusted figure of the Phoenix,

representing hope,

representing resurrection after the fire, the phoenix rising from the ashes.

On the opposite wall, there's a representation of a woman in white stone.

Well, she looks a bit like a woman, doesn't she?

Depending on how you look at her, though,

she's got one leg cocked up in the sky.

From hereon in, it goes really weird.

Have you ever seen anything like this?

Molten bricks being spewed out of the wall,

oddball animals made of mosaic.

Here we've got a deer that's upside down, and even a little

bird hanging onto a branch, but the branch is the wrong way up.

These are supposed to represent roots from trees growing down into the cavern,

and I think probably the most extraordinary and hideous thing

to find is the pillar,

a swirling serpent made up of encrusted pebbles and stones and minerals.

Oh, I don't know. I think it's time for us to return to the more familiar world

of the auction house, thank God!

Well, we've popped in to central London, to Chiswick Auctions, to be with our auctioneer, William Rouse.

-Pleasure to have to here, Tim.

-Lovely to be here, too.

Now, Val and John for the Reds, their first item is these two little figurines.

What do you make of those woofers, then?

I think they're rather nice. They're not very old, not silver, but they're very collectable.

People like dogs, so they've got a good chance of selling quite easily.

Oh, good. How much?

-I think I ended up putting £50-£80 on them.

-Did you?

Have you had a mental aberration?!

No, seriously, they paid £20.

-If you think they're going to £40, £50, £60...

-I think they should make 40.

Fantastic. They could double their money. That is exciting.

Next is the umbrella pencil case, which is a charming little collectable, isn't it?

It is. Whether it was originally designed for pencils, I don't know. It probably was. Yeah, it's fun.

And do you think it's one of those sort of German or French bits of tourist ware, really?

-Something that you would bought on your holidays.

-I suppose it must be.

-What's it worth?

-I think again the estimate on that is about £50.

It is. Well, they paid 70, so he gives with one hand and he takes away with the other.

Maybe. And lastly is this...

I think they called it a candle-holder but it's not really a candle-holder.

No, it's a goblet, but not one you'd drink out of. I think it's for putting on the mantelpiece.

-Yes. It was made by a drunken glass-maker.

-At the end of the day, do you think?

At the end of the day. He'd had one or two glasses of Rioja, I suspect, and that was the end product.

It's a pretty ghastly-looking thing, isn't it?

It isn't very nice.

No. So you have to have a bit of a guesstimate on that one. What do you think it might make?

-20-30.

-£20-£30.

Well, they paid £20 for it, so that's about spot on.

-Overall, though, promising, particularly with the dog department?

-I think so.

But just in case, let's have a look at the Bonus Buy, and here it comes.

Now, Val and John, you spent £110, you gave Anita Manning £190.

Anita, did you spend the lot?

-No, I didn't.

-Oh.

-I was a wee bit careful with my money.

-I ALWAYS am.

-Funny you should say that!

Are you going to show us what you bought, then, or are you just going to tease us?

-Ahh...

-It's a pin cushion.

It would've been made by a soldier or sailor in Victorian times.

During the long hours of inactivity waiting for a battle,

they would do these... what we'd call trench art.

And there's always a little bit of text in it.

On this one, we have "Think of me",

which is a wee bit sort of sad, I think. I paid £55 for it.

-What do you think?

-Well, which war do you think it was done in? What date would that be?

Possibly First World War.

Right. That makes it more interesting, I think.

Is there a profit in it, do we think?

Well, I think... I would estimate it perhaps...

round about 45 to 65, so there is a chance of a profit there.

It's not going to fly.

There is a certain price for this type of thing, but we could make £5 or £10.

Just a question of pinning a profit down, isn't it?

On that happy note, let's find out what the auctioneer thinks about Anita's pin cushion.

So, William, something sickly and sentimental for you.

-What do you think about that?

-It certainly is.

I can't say I like it, but the good thing is that, particularly

with items of this nature, they tend to fall apart quite quickly, and it is broadly intact.

And you can read the poem so that's a good thing.

Yes, and representing, I suppose, the purest form of Victorian lurve.

Absolutely.

Well, I don't think either of us particularly "lurve" it, but what's it worth?

-£50?

-50? Is it really?

-I should've thought so.

Anita Manning, who is easily swayed on the romantic side of things, paid £55 for it,

-so she might make a profit?

-Certainly the right money.

Well, it's the Bonus Buy and they may never even select it, but that's interesting. Thank you, William.

That's it for the Reds. Now for the Blues, Nick and Sally.

Their first item is this little scent bottle. Desirable, I guess, because it's cranberry.

Yeah, that's certainly a good thing, and the bottle is intact, but it has suffered a little bit of a bash.

As is so often the case with these things, it's, I think, been dropped at some point

and, although it hasn't been dropped on the glass end, it's been dropped on the silver end.

And that's a bit squashed as a result, yes, which is a shame.

Interesting to see what it looked like when it was cleaned up.

-Hmm. Saleable?

-Yeah, well, they're collectable.

-They're good for a sort of little vitrine.

-How much do you think?

I think I've put sort of around £50-£80 on it.

£65 paid, so that sits pretty comfortably in the estimate, anyway.

Next up is this rather wacky pill-making machine.

Not a lot of call for this in West London, I'd say.

Not the most practical thing in the world. I have seen them before, and

I'm not sure that they ever create a frenzy of bidding, to be frank with you.

It's a pity cos it looks as if it's got the age and the patination.

It's nicely made and everything.

If anyone could think of a use in the kitchen...

It wants to be a chopping board for you to put your Gruyere on or something like that.

If anyone could think of a practical reason to have it somewhere in your house, it might do quite well.

That's the thing, but the estimate of £40-£60 is probably reflecting

the fact that we think it's not going to go crazy.

£40-£60. We're going to have to keep taking the tablets, I think, cos they paid £70.

-Ah. Gosh.

-Yes. Still, there we go.

Next is the tortoiseshell purse,

which is a nice-quality little thing.

It's a nice thing. It's seen a bit of life as well.

It's a bit tired on the outside, it's a bit tired on the inside,

but they again are quite collectable things.

-What do you call that nice gold inlay again?

-Piquet.

Piquet. There we go. Well, how much, then...?

-Again, about £50, I think.

-Gosh. £100 they paid.

-Well, I think 50-80 is our estimate, so with a fair wind...

-Going to be a bit tight, though, isn't it?

I think, in fairness, they're going to need their Bonus Buy, so let's go and have a look at it.

So, Sally and Nick, you've spent £235 -

that's what I call a proper amount of money - leaving Catherine only £65.

-What did Catherine buy?

-Are you ready?

-Da-da!

-Ooh.

-Ah.

-Ah.

Now, you wanted something pretty, you wanted something functional.

I combined the two and I got us a functional beaker. A WMF beaker.

-It's very pretty, Art Nouveau.

-Yes.

Now, I remember we were looking at WMF when we were walking around

but we didn't quite find what we were looking for.

-That's right.

-Has it got a mark?

-Yes, it is stamped. There we are. It is tarnished, it is worn.

I mean, in perfect condition, I think we could do quite well with this. I paid £32 for it.

-Oh.

-Which is actually not bad.

So how much can you see it getting at auction?

I would hope this would make about £40, £50.

-£10 or £15 predicted, anyway.

-I would hope so, Tim, yes.

-Hold that thought, OK?

For the viewers at home, let's find out what the auctioneer thinks about Catherine's little beaker.

Well, William, the old adage "only buy things in good condition" does not apply with this object, does it?

It's not great.

It's effectively worn out, isn't it?

It is. The decoration once upon a time was quite nice.

Well, it's still quite nice to some extent, but it is well and truly dented, missing its plate.

-If it was cheap enough, maybe we'll sell it.

-£32 Catherine spent on it.

Is she going to make a profit?

Well, we put 20-30 on it.

-There you go. And you might sell that for a £5 note.

-It's possible.

I mean, who is going to want it?

-Well, somebody might want to re-plate it, I guess.

-Yes. Well, thank you, William.

Are you doing the necessary on the rostrum?

-I am.

-Ah, we're in safe hands.

So, Val and John, here we are on the edge of the auction.

How are you feeling, Val?

-Excited.

-Are you?

-Oh, yes.

-How excited?

-Very!

-Are you?

-It's my first auction.

-You've never been to an auction before?

-Never been to an auction before.

-Good Lord! Yet another virgin. This is lovely.

-I wouldn't say that.

-What about you, John? Are you a virgin?

-No, not at auctions, I'm not.

Or any other way, really.

-You've been thoroughly deflowered, have you?

-Yes, I have.

-OK. Well, there we go.

Anyway, the first lot up are the dog figurines, John, and here they come.

OK, lot 50A is the white metal model of a Boston terrier

and another one of a pointer.

Two in the lot here, 50A.

What's the worth? £20 for it, please.

Surely for 20?

OK, start me for 10, then, for the two of them.

£10 for the two...

10 I'm bid, a maiden bid at £10. At £10, £12...

14, 16, 18...

£18 here. At £18.

They seem cheap for 18.

At £18, anybody else want to come in? At £18, then. 18. They go then at 18.

-Oh, dear.

-Ohh!

£18. Well, I'm afraid that prediction wasn't much good.

Minus £2 on that. Look out.

Next up is the umbrella.

What's the lot worth? £20 for it, please. Surely for 20.

All right, start me for 10, then.

10 I'm bid. Down here at £10. Anybody else want to come in.

12, thank you.

14, 16, 18,

20, 22...

£22 nearer to me. At 22, anybody else?

At £22. That's all it is, at 22...

The little case for £22. £22, then.

-Oh, dear!

-Dear, oh dear, oh dear.

That's 8 short of 30.

Minus 48 on that.

Really! For £22, that lovely little case.

Anyway, don't despair. Here comes the goblet.

Lot 52A is a blue modern-art glass goblet. Lot 52A.

Well, I've got a bid of commission interest in this lot, 52A,

and I can start the bidding at £24.

24 with me. At 24, 26, 28...

28 with me, on commission at £28.

Anybody else want to come in in the room?

28 it's selling for, then. £28.

-Well done!

-Thank you.

Super. It still makes you minus £42.

What are you going to do about the sweetheart?

-Well, I think we're going with it, aren't we?

-Well, I think we are.

We thought, if we were down, we'd go for the little heart.

Well, we are down, I'm afraid to tell you.

Yes, we're definitely down, so we're going to give it a go, Anita.

You're going with the Bonus Buy, the sweetheart cushion and here it comes.

Bit of fun, this. "Think of me" on it. There we go. What's it worth?

£30 for it? Must be worth 30.

30 I'm bid. Straight in at £30.

35 behind you, 40...45, 50, 55, 60...

65, 70, 75...

£75. At £75, 80 anywhere else? For £75, anybody else want to come in?

75 it is, then. At 75...

Well done, Anita. You are plus £20 on your sweetheart cushion.

Well, that's amazing. Plus £20. That's brilliant.

-We did the right thing.

-Thank goodness you did.

Which takes you to only minus £22.

Now, minus 22 could be a winning score. Don't tell the Blues a thing.

-Won't tell the Blues.

-Mum's the word.

-Mum's the word.

-Not a sausage.

-Not a sausage.

-Hi, guys.

-Hi.

-Excited?

-Yes.

-Yeah, very.

-Do you know how the Reds got on?

-No idea.

-No, we don't want you to either.

-So how do you feel you're going to get on today, Sal?

-Um...

So-so.

No, I think one of your things is going to do really well.

Which bit's going to do well?

-I think the little purse might do well.

-The tortoiseshell purse?

-Yeah.

-Well, it is beautifully made, that purse, isn't it?

With any luck. You know, this is a London audience.

They like these more sophisticated little pieces to go into vitrines.

You might be lucky. So I've got my legs crossed for you.

-I've got everything crossed.

-Everything? Good.

And, if all else fails, you can always fall back on the Art Nouveau beaker.

Ah! First up, though, is the perfume bottle, and here it comes.

Lot 72A, the cranberry scent bottle. There we go.

What's it worth? £20 to start me for the bottle.

20 I'm bid.

22, 24, 26, 28,

30, fresh bidder.

Do you want 32? 34.

£34 for the...number raised.

34, 36 straight in front of me.

38, 40, 45, 50.

£50 nearer to me. At 50.

At £50, the little scent bottle.

At £50, anybody else? £50 it's going, then.

For £50, all done? 50.

£50. Cheap enough.

£50. That's minus £15.

Now, the pill-making machine.

Let's start me for £10.

Who wants it for £10? 10 I'm bid, straight in.

£12 in front of you.

14, 16, 18, 20, 22, 24, 26, 28,

30, 32...

£32. Nearer to me, at £32.

In the blue, at 32. Anybody else.

£32 for the pill machine. At 32. The hammer's coming down for 32, then.

32 is eight shy of 40. That's minus £38.

38, 48, you're minus 53 overall.

So your tortoiseshell has got to do really rather well, hasn't it?

-How do you feel about that?

-Shall we just run away now?

Lot 74A is this little pink purse, 74A.

And I've got some interest in this too.

I'm straight in at £50.

A little pink purse at £50?

£50 with me. 55, 60, 65, 70, 75, 80...

Still with me at £80.

At £80 for the purse.

Fresh bidding, 85. 90...

95, 100... It's £100. With me at £100, this little purse at £100.

Anybody else want to come in?

£100 for the purse, then.

It sells for 100, then.

Well done, darling. £100.

-You wiped your face.

-I wiped my face!

Just like you said, you'd wipe your face.

But sadly, overall, you are minus £53.

Now, that could be a winning score, cos you don't know how the Reds got on.

It could be a winning score. What are you going to do about the Bonus Buy?

Are you going to go with that beaker? What do you want to do?

-It's quite worn and I just worry about whether...

-Are you...?

Well, I like it. But I'm just a bit worried about...

The condition of the thing.

Yeah, and I don't know that they're going to go for it.

-They're all keeping their hands down.

-Shall we say no?

-OK.

-It's your decision.

-It's your decision.

-We'll leave it, then.

-Leave it this time. No offence.

-We'll cut our losses, yeah.

Right, you're parking it, then. Not going with the Bonus Buy.

-Here comes the beaker.

-A WMF beaker, lot 77A.

There we go. Is it worth £10?

£10 for the WMF? Surely for £10?

Anybody want this lot for £10?

£5, then, surely? WMF.

5 I'm bid here. Do you want 6, sir?

6, 7, 8...

£8 with the gentleman. 9, 10...

£10 there. At £10, anybody else, at £10?

-Oh, dear.

-£10. Nobody else? £10.

-The hammer's coming down for 10.

-Well done, team.

You did the right thing there.

Minus £22 you would've been had you gone for it,

but you parked it, anyway.

-So, overall, it's minus £53, OK?

-Could be worse.

-Which is not too bad. It could've been a lot worse.

And who knows? That could be the winning score. Don't tell the Reds a thing.

Well, we have had better days for profits, I tell you,

than today's exercise.

-Anyway, have you teams been chatting?

-No.

-We have no idea.

-Well, it's my role now to reveal the scale of the losses,

and the runners-up today are, I'm afraid, the Blues.

THEY GASP

Minus £53 is what it's all about, but you did get one wiped face,

-didn't you, darling, which you were very pleased with?

-Yes.

-Yeah, with your tortoiseshell purse.

-Yes.

-You got your £100 back.

-I hope you've enjoyed the programme.

-Very much.

-Great fun.

-Good. Well, we've enjoyed having you on.

-But the winners today are the Reds.

-Yes!

With losses of only minus £22.

-Brilliant.

-You did make some profits, though,

didn't you, on the hideous... I mean, the lovely goblet...

for which I have to eat humble pie.

That was your choice, Val, and it did very well. £8 profit on that.

And the sweetheart cushion, the Bonus Buy, did terribly well,

made £20 profit, so it wasn't entirely a bleak landscape.

Anyway, the winners, with only losses of £22, congratulations.

-We've had a great show. Join us soon for some more bargain-hunting. Yes?

-ALL: Yes!

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