Ardingly 12 Bargain Hunt

Today, we're in Sussex,

at Ardingly, to be precise.

At the largest antiques fair in the south of good old Blighty.

So, let's go bargain hunting, yeah?

There are over 1,500 stalls here

that will attract, literally, tens of thousands of people,

all scratching around and trying to grub out that elusive bargain.

So our teams today will have to be quick, decisive and on the ball.

So what's stopping us, then?

Coming up in today's show,

Anita's feeling all frisky...

Wooh!

..and Mark has a spring in his step.

-Exercise. Come on, let's get moving. Come on.

-OK.

But who will fare best at the auction?

That's good. Brilliant!

But first, let's meet the teams.

Today, our two teams of bargain hunters are

father and daughter,

Norman and Rosy,

and good friends, Murray and Adela. Hello.

-ALL: Hello.

-Very nice to see you.

-So, Norman, what do you do for a living?

-I'm a writer, Tim.

I write textbooks for plumbing and gas students.

I suppose there are a lot of plumbers and gas fitters about.

There are many and they're training all the time.

And it's probably the best profession I've been in, in my life.

Isn't that interesting?

But you haven't just written manuals for these characters, have you?

I did write a whole series of children's books,

including Fireman Sam,

Inspector Gadget...

-Did you really?

-All sorts of interesting and exciting things like that.

And they were very popular.

Well, still are, I guess.

Rosy, I gather you have your father's writing talent?

Indeed, yes. I don't write plumbing material,

-but I work as a poet.

-SHE LAUGHS

-It says here you're a performance poet.

-Yes.

It's quite meaty. It doesn't always get understood in performance, I think.

-But I like the way it sounds.

-But you don't care?

-No.

-You're performing it...

-Indeed.

-..so that's the main thing.

Do you have to lock yourself away in a garret...

SHE LAUGHS

..to construct your necessary bits?

Yes, I've been living alone for the last 28 years or so.

This is a big adventure for me, being out in public!

-Coming out at all?

-Yeah.

But that's not really true, is it? You've just come back from Russia.

That's true, yes.

-You've been dashing about, going to Russia?

-Yeah.

And what were you up to there?

I'm doing a PhD on the poet, Vladimir Mayakovsky,

and so I was swotting up on a bit of language learning

-whilst I was there.

-As you do.

SHE LAUGHS

Does that mean you will be buying all Russian antiques

to make a profit with today?

Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe we'll have a look at some Russian dolls, or maybe... Oh, God - I can feel myself

doing a Dad joke,

we'll be just "Russian" around!

Oh, I know! I was waiting for it.

You've set me up

and I fell into your trap!

That's the joy of being a performance poetess, you see.

Yeah, maybe.

Anyway, turning to the Blues. How are you two?

-Good.

-Very well.

Murray, you've had a certain inspiration from a fireman?

I suppose you could say that, yeah.

Thanks to Norman and his wonderful stories,

after watching Fireman Sam, I decided to become a fireman

and I have been for the past eight years.

That's amazing, isn't it?

-My work is done.

-Source material, here.

How lovely is that? Where do you do your "fireman-ing?"

That's in Brighton.

Is that a busy old place?

It is. It's the busiest in East Sussex,

so, yeah,

it keeps us rushing round all hours.

Yes. "Russian" again.

THEY LAUGH

So, Murray, when you're not fighting fires, what do you like to do?

When it's windy enough, I like to go kitesurfing.

That is a dangerous sport, isn't it?

-It can be. That's part of the fun.

-Do you do it at Brighton?

-Yeah.

-Brilliant.

-If it's not so windy, I'll play some tennis.

-Right.

And amongst that, I'm training for the Brighton Marathon, in April.

Well, good luck.

What do you do, Adela?

At the moment, I'm doing a course in teacher training in art and design.

And I still do my jewellery. I'm a jeweller designer-maker.

Gosh, you're multi-talented, aren't you?

And you have a love of antiques?

I do, actually. I think that was mainly because of my dad.

He, sort of, kind of, collects anything, really.

All this has rubbed off on you?

In a way, yeah.

Every time I go and see him, cos he lives in Athens now, he'll give me something.

Is that where you come from?

No, I come from Albania.

-Do you?

-Yeah, yeah.

I've been in England for 12 years now.

Well, your accent is very English, I have to say.

SHE LAUGHS

So what will your tactics be today?

-Make a lot of money.

-Hopefully.

I think just to have fun. We've been really looking forward to it.

Now's the money moment. Here's your £300 apiece.

You know the rules.

Your experts await and off you go!

And very, very, very good luck. Fireman, eh?

Gosh, whatever next?

Anita Manning, who's rarely lost for words,

heads up the Red team today,

while Mark Stacey's in the frame for the Blues.

-Look at the size of this place.

-I know. It's massive!

I don't know where we're going to start, do you?

Actually, I don't know.

Now we're here at Ardingly,

what we're going to do today is buy, buy, buy.

Bye-bye!

I'd leave the poetry to Rosy,

if I were you, Anita.

Meanwhile, the Blue team are looking for a little piece of jewellery.

Are brooches popular at the moment?

Depending on what it is. A lot of people don't... Well, you do jewellery.

Brooches aren't the most popular, are they, unless they're really stylish?

I don't know. Brooches are quite popular amongst my friends, actually.

-Will your friends be at the auction?

-No.

-If we tell them.

-Yeah.

I wanted to bring many of them, but couldn't.

-No.

-Maybe not.

-I've seen better brooches.

All right. Not too loud now.

THEY LAUGH

Come on, Adela.

Let's not be too rude. Talking of rude, look at what the Reds have spotted.

-They're amazing.

-You two, are you having a lovely day?

Yeah. I don't know.

Maybe it's so, if your partner's away, you can give them a fondle.

HE LAUGHS

We were just saying,

this is like a pair of bum cheeks.

They're beautifully formed!

SHE LAUGHS

Well, while the Reds are being plain "cheeky",

at least the Blues are on the case.

I really like that vase, that one over there.

-Shall we go round and have a look?

-It looks like it has some Egyptian...

It does look Egyptian, doesn't it?

It's quite nicely modelled, that, isn't it?

-These are beautiful.

-I don't know how old it is. Do you like it, Murray?

I do like it, yeah. How much is it?

It's very stylish, isn't it? How inexpensive is this?

DEALER: I've got 25 on it.

-How much?!

-25, but you can have it for 20.

For 20? Does it have any markings on it?

If you look at the copper at the bottom, it is quite old.

It's got a bit of age, I suppose.

Does it stand straight?

It's got a bit of...

-A bit of a wobble?

-Yeah. It does put me off, actually, that.

Don't say that!

-What d'you think?

-I don't think it's too bad.

-It's 20.

I think 15 sounds better, because of the wobble.

-You can have it for 15.

-Is that all right?

You're a madam! Thank you.

-That's a deal, then, is it?

-I think that's a deal.

-I think that's a deal.

-Great, thanks very much.

-Thank you very much.

Less than ten minutes on the clock,

and the Blues have made a wobbly start,

parting with 15 precious pounds.

Anita, meanwhile, is trying to tempt Rosy.

What about that, Rosy?

I know. I saw that. I like that a lot.

Textiles are doing well just now.

Yeah.

It's probably late-Victorian/early-Edwardian.

I really like it.

I actually am terrible

for buying random, beautiful, falling-apart dresses,

and have a house full of them. But this is great,

because it won't end up in my house,

and if we get stuck on an item later,

we can take it out of the frame, and then we've got two!

-SHE LAUGHS

-How can we possibly fail?

Oh, this girl's good.

Has it got any history or any provenance with it?

DEALER: I just basically bought it as it is and here it is today.

Would you be able to make us up a story about who wore that dress?

For what occasion did she wear it?

By the time of the auction, we'll have fabricated an entire history,

and created all the documents for it,

so it'll be an absolute rarity.

Aw! You've got it in one!

SHE LAUGHS

Fabrication? Rosy should have been a journalist, not a poet.

I quite like that stool there.

Oh, my God!

I actually love that.

Really love that.

It's a shame it's actually missing the details.

But you must look at the age. Is there any markings underneath there?

No, I can't really...

D'you know what it's made of?

It's papier-mache.

Oh, really? Is it?!

And the sort of person or company

you associate with this is a firm called Jennings & Betteridge.

-OK.

-They were very good London makers.

It's very unusual to see stools.

-It's a nice size.

-It's lovely.

Because, actually, what people would use this for today,

is for putting their magazines on.

-Ah!

-It would be like a coffee table.

-Yeah!

What sort of year would you say it was?

I would say this is about 1870.

Wow!

And this, I think, is possibly

the original covering.

So, that considered, the condition's not too bad.

No. This is mother-of-pearl

and then this gilt decoration. It is quite an unusual thing.

Now here's a "textbook" lesson from Rosy, on how not to deal

with a dealer. Watch this.

And how much is it?

DEALER: We have 150 on it,

but I'm sure we could do a lot better on that.

We could do a lot better on it?

It's a lot of money.

-Yeah.

-It is.

How much money do we have?

Is it £300?

-Ssh!

-Oh!

HE LAUGHS

That's to last us the rest of our lives!

That's not just for today.

I can do it for £85 and you could buy it.

We do like it, and we think it's a bit unusual.

Yeah.

I think 85 is a bargain,

from 150 and that we should do it.

Do you not think so? Oh, God!

No, I think we'll give you 20.

SHE LAUGHS

85 is too much.

I don't know what I was thinking.

THEY LAUGH

Right. Move over, Rosy,

and let the old pro, Anita, have a go instead.

Would you take 60 for it?

I obviously couldn't.

The lowest I could go would be £80.

£80?

I say, let's do it.

I say, let's do it. You're a darling.

Thank you very much. Oh, wow!

£80 spent, 15 minutes gone

and that's the first item in the bag for the Reds.

The Blues, meanwhile, are stalling

on the stool. As you do.

I think if I was putting that into auction,

I would hope

the auctioneer would think around the sort of £200-£300 mark.

Really?!

Yeah, because I think it's unusual.

Boxes can make £300 or £400.

I think the key thing now is to try and find out from the dealer

-how much he's asking for.

-Yes!

Let's have a look. Hello!

Hi, there! We're interested in this item here.

How much do you want for that one?

-DEALER: 250, sir.

-250!

I was really going to hope we could get it for under the £200?

Can't do it, sir.

Not even £200 and a kiss from the lovely Adela?

SHE LAUGHS

210, and that's it.

210?

That's only a kiss on the cheek, isn't it?

HE LAUGHS

It is a lovely object.

Unfortunately, it would use up most of our budget.

-Shall we come back?

-Shall we have a think?

I really like it.

But we might see something...

If we find something else good, for less money,

we'll have the money left to come and get it.

-Yeah.

-D'you think that's a game plan?

-Yeah.

It's your game.

I think that sounds like a plan.

It might not stay, this is the problem. But it's up to you.

-We'll come back very shortly.

-All right.

-OK.

Now, they could have asked the dealer to put the stool to one side,

just for a few minutes.

Talking of minutes, 30 left.

Eye-eye.

Could you see us?

THEY LAUGH

It's so good, that all I see is a big blotch of red!

So what d'you think? You have a look at it, tell me what you think.

-DEALER: It's not a telescope.

-What is it?

A gun sight.

It's a gun sight!

Well, that just shows you how much I know about military stuff!

It's extremely good as a telescope.

-Well, it works as a telescope.

-Good, big, heavy things.

It's a good, substantial, big piece of militaria.

It'll be worth its weight in bronze, anyway,

Worth its weight in brass.

Can I make you on offer on this?

DEALER: It's 28. You can have it or 25.

NORMAN: Make it 18. 18's a good round figure.

SHE LAUGHS

18's a good round figure.

DEALER: Sorry.

NORMAN: Oh! What do we think of that, then?

What about 20?

-DEALER: You can have it for 20.

-OK, thank you.

NORMAN: What do you say?

I think it's worth taking a punt on.

Well, I do, for 20 quid.

Excellent. Let's do it, then.

-Right, we'll have this. Thank you very much.

-Well done.

-Two items that we both like...

-Yeah.

-Correct.

-A girly sort of thing and a...?

-A chappy sort of thing.

We haven't spent a lot of money. We've got 200 left.

And we've got tons of time!

-Indeed.

-I bet we're doing a lot better than old Stacey

-and the old Blues. What do you think, guys?

-Definitely.

-There's a possibility.

Now, Reds, don't get too cocky, cos those Blues are fighting fit, and bouncy.

It's cold. I can't feel my toes.

We need to set ourselves on fire.

-Yes. We do.

-All right?

-So, exercise. Come on, let's get moving. Come on.

-OK.

-That's it.

-Think money, think money. SHE LAUGHS

-Is that good? Let's get off, then.

-Cool.

I'm not sure that aerobics is Mark's strength.

Perhaps he could do a workout on Anita and Norman's comedy routine, though.

How much is your wee car, sir?

Two-fifty? £2.50?

If we make it snappy, we could look at that alligator.

SHE LAUGHS

Boys and girls, I think we're doing rather well.

Under, "Items at auction - should very well sell."

SHE LAUGHS

-Do you like that one?

-Oh, dear!

Rubbish, isn't it?

Stick to auctioneering, Anita. Your poetry is woeful.

Going to stop frittering away our time.

We've become complacent, having got our first two.

-Ah, good point.

-We need to knuckle down...

Ah, but we were enjoying ourselves, Rosy.

Making terrible jokes, one after the other?

-Anita Manning at the helm!

-A cheap rhymester!

And a hack with a knack.

I despair.

I'm going shopping alone.

THEY LAUGH

So, mutiny in the Red camp.

A chance for the Blues to try and take the advantage,

but with just one item in the bag, they're dithering.

Come on, Murray. You should be over the heads of these people.

I'm struggling.

The trouble is, we're going into just furniture here.

Yeah.

I don't think we're going to find anything.

-It's all big lumps of furniture, isn't it?

-I agree.

-Shall we go back down?

-I think we should.

I think we need to head back down that way, honestly.

I'm starting to think we should go back for that foot stool.

What do you think?

Yes. Actually, I've been thinking about it.

It could be possibly our second item.

-I think so.

-Really?

-Let's go and see.

Are you going to take the plunge?

-I think so.

-I think so.

-I think so. A plan, at last.

But will the stool still be there?

-Was it this way, or was it that way?

-I think it's that way.

The Blues are starting to look a little lost.

Big places, these antiques fairs.

DOLEFUL VIOLIN MUSIC

Don't know any more. Alone in the world.

All right, I give up now. Come and join me again.

OK, Norman. Let's go. She's lost without us.

THEY LAUGH

Mutiny in the Red camp abandoned.

With just over ten minutes remaining,

the Blues are might relieved

to find their stool.

Right, guys. He hasn't sold it.

-No.

-So there may be a bit of room for negotiation.

-Hopefully.

-Go and have a word.

Is he going to be good at this, do you think?

Hi, there...

I think Murray's got his own ways.

-Has he?

-Yeah, yeah.

He's very polite, though.

-He is very polite.

-He's very polite.

It doesn't look good at the moment, does it?

Any luck, Murray?

-I got it down to 210.

-210?

-That was the original.

-I know that's what it was!

-He's not going to budge.

-Well done, he's got it down to 210.

-OK.

-I reckon 210 is the best you're going to get.

-You've done well.

What do you think?

Would you like to take a risk on it for that?

-Let's take a risk.

-Should we?

I've taken many risks in life and it's gone rather well.

-Has it?

-Yeah.

-I'm liking your style.

-Let's do it.

-Yes!

-You've got yourself a deal.

-Cool. Yay! Right, 210.

Gosh, that's the most expensive thing I've ever kind of offered.

Now what?

We've only got ten minutes to go and I'm in a spending mood.

Let's go. Let's go buy.

So, the Blues have finally stopped dithering over the stool

and their second buy has filled them with confidence.

I think we've got a good chance of beating the Reds,

-especially with the stool. Do you?

-Mind you, we haven't seen them.

They may have discovered a part of the fair we're not aware of...

-Oh! Maybe.

-..where everything's discounted.

-Maybe we should go and have a look.

-Yeah.

-Let's do it.

We should go hunt for them and for our third item.

-Yeah, and maybe Mark. Where has he got to?

-Yeah.

I know precisely where the Reds are -

they're looking at a Victorian bosun's whistle. That's a nautical whistle, to you and me.

-Are there any marks on it that you can see?

-Have a wee look.

-But I do like the idea of it having this little easel frame.

-Yeah.

-Don't you?

-Yeah, I do.

WHISTLING

-Well, it works.

-Aye-aye, sir.

Hello, sailor.

I know. But I do think that that's interesting.

Well, I like the idea of it more than I like it itself, I think.

Because, um...

But then maybe liking the idea of it is enough to start liking it

itself, like when you start going out with someone

you don't really like very much.

I tell you, she gets convoluted, that woman. Good heavens.

You just hope for the best.

So, you start going out with somebody that you don't like.

Cos the idea seems like a good one

-and you hope the reality might catch on.

-That's my daughter.

Run that past me again, Rosy?

In fact, don't, you haven't got the time.

Buck up.

-What do you think of these pieces?

-I really like them, actually.

Especially that. It's got that little detail.

Well, we've got similar-type items here. That's kind of like

a preserve spoon, you know, for jams or marmalades.

-And this is a cake slice.

-Yeah.

They're not English. They look to me... Those little marks...

-They're continental silver.

-OK.

-They're quite pretty, aren't they?

They're really pretty.

And they are reasonable quality.

And while the Blues are sensibly concentrating on quality,

the Reds are simply wasting their last few minutes

talking about I know not what.

So, you go out with someone that you don't like...

Do you like the idea of going out with...just going out?

Or do you like the idea of going out with that person,

even though you don't like them?

I like the idea of going out with this person,

-but I'm not so sure I like the lines of their body.

-Have we got time for this, fellas?

But I'm also aware that we are running out of time

and I need a wee.

So, with that in mind, perhaps we should just buy whatever we see

and hope for the best.

Thanks for that detail, Rosy. And you're right,

time is running out - four minutes and counting.

This one is 40, that one is 24, so that's 64 for the two.

If I was putting those into auction, I'd probably put an estimate

of something like £50 to £80 or something.

-We're kind of in the middle.

-Let's see if there's room for movement.

-How much should we request?

-Shall I go have a word with them?

-Yes.

-Are you happy with me to do that?

-Yeah, let's do it.

-Stay there and I'll come back.

-OK.

Don't be too long, Mark. Three minutes left on the old clock.

I like the fact that it has this little frame.

Crikey, Reds, get a move on.

And it's quite nice that it's shaped like a little anchor.

-It's not silver.

-The only thing I don't like about it,

actually, I'm afraid to say, is the 45 quid.

We're running out of money, you see.

Could you do 30 and we'll give you a smacker on the mouth?

-Or the notion of one, anyway.

-That's...that's not how you do it.

-Oh, is that not how we do it?

-"Give you a smack on the mouth

"if you don't give it cheaper."

-No, a smacker, not a smack.

-A smacker?

Oh, a smacker! Oh, that's right, sorry.

No, it's funny, I was just thinking about going out

-with people you didn't like.

-What do you think of me?

Mark, we've got ten minutes, buddy.

Tick-tock, tick-tock.

-I say we go for it.

-I think so, too.

I think that it's worth taking a chance on.

-I think we should go for it.

-Are we all in agreement?

-Yes.

Let's go for it. That's our third item. Yes!

Woo-hoo!

Stunner!

-That was a smacker.

-That was a smacker, not a smack.

Oh! Despite talking a right load of baloney,

the Reds have managed to buy their three items

with just a minute to spare.

One minute, Mark.

-Mark, one minute, how's it looking?

-How's it looking?

Well, he came down to 55, but then I managed to get him down to 50.

That's good enough.

-Yeah, that's fine.

-Are you happy with that?

-I'm happy with that.

-Then we've got our third item, all right?

-Yay! Woo!

Time's up. Talk about cutting it fine.

I'm so happy, really excited. We're going to beat the Reds.

-Cup of tea?

-Absolutely.

-It's on me.

-I'm freezing.

Oh, my God!

We're away, we're away!

Where's the fire, then?

Now, let's remind ourselves what the Reds bought.

First up, Rosy and Norman spent £80 on a Victorian dress

mounted in a frame, as you do.

Norman then targeted a WWII brass gun sight for £20.

And with just seconds to spare,

they snapped up a Victorian bosun's whistle for £40.

Don't you go telling me you're fagged out. Are you fagged out?

I am fagged out. I am fagged, yes. Indeed, I am, Tim.

-Well, you've had a good run, which is great.

-We did.

-You spent altogether £140.

-Yes, that's correct.

-OK, who's got the £160?

-I do.

-OK. Please may I have it?

Thank you. You don't like giving this back at all, do you?

-You can tell.

-Really goes against the grain.

-I think it must be a girl thing.

-Absolutely.

I think it's a making a living as a poet thing.

-Money in my hand?

-Quite. Passing it to somebody else, methinks.

Straight to you, there, Anita. It doesn't stay with me for very long.

What will you do with it?

I know exactly what I want to buy, the problem is finding it.

Ah! Has that not always been thus? Anyway, go and relax, team.

Thank you very much, Anita.

Meanwhile, why don't we check out what the Blue team bought?

The Blue team opened their shop, spending £15 on a brass jardiniere

with a wobbly base.

Then, after endless dithering, they finally bought the stool for £210.

Wow! And with time running out,

they spent £50 on a silver preserve spoon and cake slice.

Nice!

-Well done. I'm really pleased with the things we've bought.

-Yeah, me too, actually.

I think it's so nice

when a team just congratulate themselves all the time.

It's so modest, too, it's just brilliant.

-What'll bring your biggest profit?

-Um...

-We're hoping the foot stool.

We're hoping that,

because that was the one where we spent the most money.

Main investment.

-How much did you spend all around?

-A massive 275.

-That is such a good amount. £275, that is marvellous.

-Nearly all.

£25 of leftover lolly then somewhere, please.

-That'll be me.

-OK. £25 of leftover lolly.

-Quite a thin, little offering for you then, Mark.

-It is, Tim,

but you know what?

It's much easier to find something for 25 quid than it is

when there's lots of money, cos it gives you too much choices.

Now I've got to beg the dealers to let me have something.

Good luck with that. Meanwhile,

we're heading to the west of England, actually to Bristol.

Ooh-ah!

The Wills Memorial Building is one of Bristol's most famous

landmarks, and it dominates the city's skyline.

It was designed by local architect George Oatley,

seen here in the centre, at the opening ceremony in 1925.

It was commissioned in 1912 by the Wills family

in honour of Henry Overton Wills, who not only was

a benefactor to the university, but he also the first chancellor.

His instruction to Oatley, the architect, was,

"Build it big and build it to last."

The tower is reinforced concrete faced with Bath and Clipsham stone.

It's 215 feet tall and topped with an octagonal lantern.

But today, I haven't come to have a look at the architecture,

I've come to say hello to George.

Hello, George! Or Great George, as he is affectionately known.

When architect George Oatley was a boy,

he often stayed in Oxford and loved to hear the resounding chime

of Big Tom, the Christ Church College bell.

He wanted something similar for his majestic gothic tower in Bristol.

And the bell was the result.

It was cast in Loughborough in 1924.

It's made of bell metal, which is an alloy of copper and tin.

Currently, this bell is the sixth largest in the country,

being about 6'8" tall and 8'4" wide.

When it is tolled, it can be heard some 12 miles away.

The bell was named George after George Wills, one of its patrons,

George Oatley, the architect, and King George V,

who officially opened the Wills Memorial building in 1925.

But what makes Big George really special is that it is

the only one of the large bells that you can ring like this, manually.

And it is only normally rung on the death of a monarch,

a special occasion like the Queen Mum's 100th birthday

and the death of a chancellor here at the University.

But today,

we are going to be allowed to ring it for Bargain Hunt.

But ordinarily, every day of the week, this bell is struck

to tell the city of Bristol what the time is,

but not swung like that.

What happens is that enormous hammer over there is activated

mechanically and it will give it a dong from outside.

-And I make it... Oh, my gosh!

-BELL TOLLS

Well, isn't that extraordinary? Have your seen anything like it?

It is ginormous for a kickoff.

I had no idea that that massive clapper

would move so slowly and create that incredible noise.

And if you would put your hand on it right now,

you can feel that for about two minutes

after it has stopped, it continues reverberating.

Let's hope today, over at the auction,

our teams are going to make equally big noises.

Hey? What's that you say?

Well, as a special treat, we have come east, to Kent,

to the Canterbury Auction Galleries, for our sale today,

with Anthony Pratt, proprietor and auctioneer.

-Hello, Anthony.

-Good to have you here.

-Norman and Rosie are excited.

Their first item is this morning dress, wedding dress,

-whatever it is.

-I would think it is a wedding dress.

-Rather usual to mount it in a frame like that.

-Isn't it just?

-Is that about 1900 in date?

-Yes, I think so, absolutely.

-We put £60 to £80.

-OK. £80 paid.

That is in the frame, so to speak.

Next, something completely different, the militaria sighting scope.

Nice quality, beautifully made.

-But sadly, not the best of conditions.

-Dated 1940.

So, there is an important part of our historical past.

Absolutely.

So, what service this thing saw is anybody's business, isn't it?

What do you think it is worth, Tony?

-We have only put £30 to £40 on it.

-Well, they only paid £20.

And then we've got this oddball combo, haven't we?

A bosun's whistle, plated, with a brass stand.

I don't think they have a life together.

I think the anchor is a watch stand, to hang a pocket watch.

On that little hook. Oh, I see, yes.

What are the two things going to be likely to bring, Tony?

£20 to £30 we put on them.

OK, fine. Well, they paid 40. They're not so far off.

It will all depend really on how well the dress does.

On that basis, they may need the bonus buy.

In which case, we better go have a look at it.

Rosie, Norman, you spent £140. You gave Anita Manning 160.

Anita, what did you spend it on?

Well, these chaps are both writers,

and there was only one thing that I had to buy.

And that was a little Victorian propelling pencil.

What do you think about it? It's silver, Birmingham, late 1800s.

Do you like it?

-I really like it.

-I do.

-It's very cool.

-Can I take it now?

Was it a bargain?

Well, I hope so.

I paid £40 for it, which is not too dear and not too cheap.

I like the condition of it

and it might carry through for a couple of pounds profit.

Anyway, lovely little thing.

Right now, though, for the audience,

let's find out what the auctioneer thinks about Anita's scribe.

-Well, isn't that sweet?

-It's beautiful.

A good quality Victorian silver pencil

and with the bloodstone set, seal to the end.

Not cut, but still good quality stone there.

How much do you think?

We've put 30 to 40, probably a little bit of a mean estimate.

You have just done that to tempt them, haven't you?

Well, of course.

-That's what auctions are about.

-Anyway, Anita paid 40.

With any luck, you will tempt someone to pay 50 or 60 for it,

-and everybody will be delighted.

-We'll hope so.

-We'll hope so.

Anyway, that's it for the Reds. Now for the Blues.

Their first item is the bulbous jardiniere,

which I have to say is one of the most hideous examples

I've ever seen. I mean, who is going to want to buy that?

It is not the best example, but it has a charm about it.

You can imagine some soldier or sailor coming back through

the Suez Canal and being stopped by some Egyptian

and sold this wonderful, antique jardiniere.

OK, fine, I take it all back, it has got some charm.

I'm wrong, you're right. How much?

-It is only worth £20 to £30.

-That's OK. They only paid £15.

-Good buy, then.

-Next is the stool. Would you make of that, Tony?

I think it is good quality.

It's not papier-mache, it is a lacquer,

which was made to go with papier-mache furniture.

But it's lacquered beech wood.

But this is a nice example. Sadly, it has had a very hard life.

-It is just a bit tired.

-Yeah.

Because of the condition, I've been rather mean. It's £50 to £80.

£50 to £80? Yes, OK. Well, they spent £210.

Personally, I think they spent far too much on it.

That is a big old hole to recover from.

And their last item is the cake slice and the little jam spoon.

Probably German.

Probably early 20th century. But they are reasonable quality.

I've only put £20 to £30 on it. Again, a little on the mean side.

-What, you think they might bring 40 to 60?

-It might, on a good day.

It will need to, because they paid £50.

Because they are in such deep trouble with that stool.

-Yes.

-They are going to need that bonus buy, it's almost guaranteed.

What did Mark find?

-Now, Murray, Adela, you gave Mark only £25.

-Only.

A miserable amount of money for the man to go and find a stellar object.

What did you find?

Well, Murray, could you just help me? It's rather heavy. Just...

-Ta-dah!

-Goodness!

-It is something completely different.

It's a doorstop, cast iron. It's quite heavy.

-Wow.

-In the form of an admiral.

-Brilliant.

-And most of Kent is surrounded by water.

-Exactly.

A lot of marine history in Kent and I thought this might go down.

I paid just £20 for it.

I'd be very disappointed if it didn't make £30, £40.

There is a chance of a profit.

-I just love the fact that it is a doorstop.

-Everybody needs one.

-Every home needs one.

-Everyone needs one.

-Yeah.

I tried to find a farmer, but I could not find a farmer doorstop.

-Anyway, it's a uniform, isn't it?

-Exactly.

You decide later, after the sale of your first three items.

Right now, for the audience at home,

let's find out what the auctioneer thinks of Mark's doorstop.

Well, Tony, this is a weighty issue for you to consider.

It is nice quality. This is a useful item.

Victorian. It is a good-looking thing.

Cast iron.

-Not worth a great deal, is it?

-£10 to £15.

Well, that is a tempting one again, isn't it?

Mark spent £20 of his £25, and he really rates him.

We'll see later on.

We certainly will. Quite a challenge. Thank you, Tony.

Now, you two literary greats, you have produced a little poem for us.

-This is true.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-Can we have a rendition?

Of course.

"Rosie likes this, Anita likes that.

"I am rather taken by an old top hat.

"But madness takes over and now we pin our hope

"on a whistle, a frock and an old telescope."

-I love it. Isn't he clever, your old man?

-He's very clever.

-Very clever.

-This is exciting, isn't it? Are you excited?

-I'm excited.

I'm excited. We're all excited.

First item, then, is the frock in a frame, and here it comes.

Lot 90A is the Victorian embroidered

brown silk and lace wedding dress.

Decorative item here, Lot 90A.

-It looks beautiful.

-50 I have. 55? 55.

60. 65. 70.

75. 80. 85.

Selling at £80, bid standing by the door there. On £80.

Oh! Wiped its face. That's not right.

-Anyway, better than losing money, isn't that?

-Absolutely.

It wiped its face. It could have done more, though, couldn't it?

Anyway, here comes the rifle sight.

90B is the World War II rifle sight.

£30. 20 then?

-I can't take the stress.

-Second World War.

20 on the Internet, I have. 25 where?

25. £30, Internet.

-35. 40.

-Lovely. This is a proper job.

Selling at 35.

Bid is now in the room.

35 pounds, plus 15.

Let's not sniff at that.

90C.

The Victorian bosun's whistle and the plated anchor watch stand.

£20. 20?

20 I have. 25 where? 25 on the Internet.

-25 on the Internet, go Internet!

-35, Internet.

35. Who is 40? Selling at 35. The bid is now on the Internet.

All in at £35.

Which is minus five pounds.

I know it is a mistake, but there we go, we are still plus ten.

That is a five pounds lead each.

-That is an achievement.

-Indeed.

Aren't they good? So good.

Well done. What a relief!

Now, what are we going to do with the silver pencil?

-We're going to go with it cos it's really cool.

-It is.

We are going with the bonus buy, and here it comes.

95A, the Victorian silver propelling pencil,

set with a bloodstone.

£30?

£30 I have. 35.

40. 45. 50.

55. 60. 65.

-Going to the Belgian.

-75. 80. 85.

-It is the mighty Manning again.

-Selling at £85.

-Bid's in the middle. All done at £85 then.

-Go! £85.

That's why she does what she does so beautifully.

Plus £45 on that. You had ten before.

-You are plus £55.

-Fantastic!

-Are you happy?

-Fantastic!

That's good, isn't it? Don't say a thing to the Blues, OK?

Not a word.

That could be a winning score, it ought to be.

-Fantastic result, Anita, thank you.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-So, kids, been talking to the Reds?

-No.

-No?

-Did you see them when they went past?

-Yeah.

-Did they look happy or sad?

-I couldn't tell.

-Could you not?

-No.

-Their poker face was hard to read.

-Well, they are writers.

They are writers, so it is always tough. Anyway, jolly good.

We don't want to know, actually, that's why we keep you separated.

This great crowd of bidders will ultimately decide it all.

First up, though, is your bulbous jardiniere,

and here it comes.

110A, the Near Eastern brass bulbous jardiniere.

-Egyptian one. We have two bids. We'll start at £40.

-No!

-That's brilliant!

-45 someone?

We all done then? No further bid?

Selling at 40 then.

£40 is plus £25. And you haven't even winked.

110B, the Victorian black lacquer rectangular stool.

A large dressing stool. We have a bid of £80.

I love it.

-85 for someone? 90 on the Internet now. 100?

-Yep.

-And 10?

110. 120 on the Internet now.

-130?

-Thank goodness for the Internet.

-Go on!

I have a bid of 130 on the Internet. 140 anyone?

Selling at 130 then.

£130. Sorry, chaps, that is minus 80.

That is minus £80.

110C is a silver metal cake slice and a preserve spoon. £30?

-20 to start. Let's get it going.

-I don't like the look of this.

110C. 20 I have. 25.

£30?

-30 on the Internet. 35.

-Go Internet.

-£40?

Selling for 35, the bid is in the room now.

£35 is minus £15.

You were minus £55, you are now minus... 55, 60. You're minus 70.

-You're minus £70 overall.

-It's fine.

-It's fine.

-"It's fine."

It's not fine at all, it's a tragedy.

It's that bloody stool, that's what did it.

Anyway, what about the doorstop?

-Are you going to have a punt?

-Shall we go for it?

Yeah, we are going to go for it.

-I love it, don't you? Youthful enthusiasm.

-Yes!

-You're going to go with it, yes?

-Let's do it.

115A, the cast-iron doorstop

in the form of Lord Nelson.

We have a commission bid, starting at £45. 50 where?

£45!

-50.

-Brilliant!

Selling at £50, the bid is in the room there.

We have £50 then.

-Thank you.

-That made up for the stool.

£50!

£50! £50 is plus £30.

You clever... See? Wiley Welsh.

Oh, my gosh! Anyway, there we go.

That means, overall, you are only minus a miserable £40.

-Oh, well.

-That's nothing, is it?

-Nothing.

-Barely a ripple.

Anyway, don't say a thing to the Reds.

It could be a winning score. All will be revealed in a moment.

-Thank you.

-Brilliant.

I do love it when both of our experts turn in substantial,

steaming profits.

So, we have to congratulate both of our experts

today for turning in their bonus buy expected profit.

But what has that done for the overall score?

-You been chatting? No?

-No.

Nobody knows who is marginally ahead marginally behind.

And I am afraid today the runners-up are,

because we don't have losers anymore on Bargain Hunt,

-The Blues.

-Oh!

-Quite crushingly and sadly,

you finished up with a total of minus 40,

-which is not right, is it?

-No.

-We have seen worse, though.

-We have seen worse.

You won't give up? You are going to stick at it?

-Yeah.

-Keep bargain hunting.

-Yes.

As long as we are spending other people's money.

Is that how it is? Anyway, so nice to have you on the show.

And I hope you have enjoyed your time.

The victors today are actually going to go home with cash.

They are going home with £55.

Look at Rosie's face, is she pleased!

Several years worth of income for a poet.

Well, isn't that lovely?

-Not much per line at the moment?

-No.

Lovely to see you on the show.

In fact, join us soon for some more bargain hunting, yes?

ALL: Yes!

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