Malvern/Leominster 4 Bargain Hunt

Today we've come to Leominster in Herefordshire,

a town steeped in antiquity

and amply supplied with antique shops.

So let's go bargain hunting! Yes!

Historic Leominster is graced with many examples

of half-timbered architecture.

But today, it's not about black and white,

it's about blues and reds,

because our Bargain Hunt teams have been given the run of the whole town,

so watch out!

Coming up, romance is in the air...

-Is that a love message?

-No, it's obviously a gift from...

-It's a love message! Come on!

-Be romantic, Thomas!

-It's a love message, isn't it? Humour us.

-It's a love message.

I think the Reds just want a cuddle.

-Get out of it! What is going on?

-There we go.

Let's embrace today's teams.

Here we are in the magnificent Lion Ballroom

with two teams of chums.

For the Reds, we've got Alex and Drew,

and for the Blues, we've got Diane and Jill.

-Hello, everyone.

-ALL: Hello.

-Alex, how did you two meet?

-We're colleagues at an IT distributor.

-We've been together... friends for about two years.

-Brilliant.

-We like to play a few jokes on each other.

-Do you?

Our job entails giving technical advice

to our sales people and customers about our products.

-So, you know about computers?

-We know a bit.

You're so modest, aren't you!

What do you do outside work?

I'm pretty sporty. I like a bit of golf.

-What's your handicap?

-Four.

-Is it really?

You don't just like a bit of golf! You're a genius at it!

-That's pretty good!

-Not too bad. I've won the club championship a couple of times.

And are you quite sporty, too?

I tend to go for the more extreme side of things,

-rock climbing, kite surfing.

-Oh, do you?

And have you ever broken your leg doing your sporting things?

No, no. Touch wood, I haven't yet.

What are your tactics? Do you know anything about antiques?

-Most of what we've learnt is probably from the show.

-Really?

-You're going to do very well!

-I'm sure!

-You've picked up everything you know from Bargain Hunt.

-Pretty much.

Brilliant. Anyway, good fun.

Now, girls, how did you two meet?

Well, I advertised a horse for sale

and Jill came along to buy it,

and I advertised it as a strong hunter who could go all day...

And it's still going.

..and it was a strong hunter that did generally go all day, even if you didn't want it to!

In other words it was a night-mare!

I sold it to Jill and, erm,

well, we're still friends so it can't have been that bad.

A very strange way to forge a friendship, though, isn't it, via a duff horse?!

-It is, but we've both got the same sense of humour so it worked quite well.

-Lovely.

Now, Jill, it says here you're an engineer.

Yes. I took my engineering qualifications when I was 40

-and I worked for an engineering company for 18 years.

-Mm-hm.

Now I work for a rigging company. I actually run the company myself.

And you've had a few achievements.

My biggest achievement was my son, of course,

but I've actually overcome two lots of breast cancer,

which I've just finished one lot of treatment now.

-You're going for the all-clear.

-Yes. Absolutely.

-Well done for that.

Do either of you collect anything? Jill?

I collect honeypots. I've got about 40.

-Have you really?

-And I collect corkscrews.

-What about you, Diane?

-I used to collect silver.

It started me off, we had some family pieces.

I've just got a few pieces now. I don't have time to go and do it.

-But I do like silver.

-You got a taste for the old silver?

-I did.

-Well, you'll find plenty in Leominster today.

-Now, the money moment... Here's your £300.

-Thank you.

-£300.

-Thank you.

-You know the rules. Your experts await! Off you go!

Very, very, very good luck.

Now, where are those experts hiding?

Never one to be put in the shade, it's the luminous Philip Serrell!

And genning up on a bit of local knowledge,

it's the bookish Thomas Plant.

-Is there a plan?

-We want to spend all the money.

-What, do the dough?

-Do the dough!

-We're going to try and go for three little items...

-Little items?

..and not spend a huge amount of money.

So, no plan at all?

-Just do the dough and see what they've got.

-Get out of here!

So we've got the spend-a-lots against the spend-not-a-lots.

Two different approaches, and they're both getting stuck in.

They're nice.

That's quite nice.

-Is it that heavy?

-Very heavy.

Oh! That's quite a good one.

That's quite a nice coaching stick.

-It is nice. It's got a brass top on it.

-It has.

And, actually, that is a horn on the top.

-That is quite nice.

-It's a coaching stick.

"An early, carved whip stick.

"Leather whip".

-It might've had a leather bit.

-A flash on the end.

-Yes.

-It is nice.

-Hide it so the other team don't find it!

'Don't you worry, Jill.

'The attentions of the Red Team are fully occupied elsewhere.'

-I like this bench.

-Do you?

-It looks good quality.

-What do they want for it?

-295.

Remember, you've got to buy three items and leave me a fiver!

-I don't think we can buy any penny sweets.

-You can do de dough but you can't do more dan de dough!

What would be the very best, finito,

thank you, goodnight and goodbye on that?

Those guys are good traders so...

..he'll do more than 10. It'll be 250.

-Which then leaves you...

-50 quid.

Well, it leaves you really 40, 45.

-Do you like it that much?

-It think it looks really good quality.

-I think we should have a look, because it's a lot of money.

-OK.

Let's go and have a look on, then.

'Looks like our spend-a-lots might've lost their nerve.

'The Blues, meanwhile, are still finding their way around.'

-I'll let you have a look in here...

-OK.

-..for a couple of minutes

and then I'll point out some things which I've seen.

-Is that all right?

-Yes.

-We'll do a show and tell.

-Excellent.

'Phil wants to play show and tell, too.'

Here you are, look. A curling brush!

Isn't that the business?

-I like it.

-This is Olympic housekeeping, this is.

It's not quite the same as the one at home.

-Unless I'm horribly mistaken, they do curling on ice, not carpets.

-True.

But that's a fantastic bit of kit, isn't it?

The thing is, if we buy that bench, which he said he would do at 250,

you've only got 300 in total, and I'm supposed to buy something.

You're going to have to buy something relatively inexpensive.

I think it's interesting. I'm not sure if we'll make much on it.

-What deal could we get on it?

-I don't know.

It's 38.

-Where's the man? Where's the man?

-The man's here.

-The man's here.

Hello.

I've never seen a curling brush/broom thingamajig before.

I can knock a fiver off it. 33.

Could you do it for 30?

What about if we got the bench? Could you do a deal on this? 20.

I couldn't go that low. If you have the bench, I'll do 30.

What we should do is look at the bench now,

get it out, have a good look at it.

Let's take that and we'll walk back to the bench

-and just, you know, you can see what you want to do.

-Definitely.

Follow me, Gunga Din.

'Good plan, P Serrell.'

What have you found?

-We like the desk set...

-The inkwell.

-Right.

..and the corkscrews at the bottom.

I think your desk set at £65,

"an oak triple inkwell with original pen rest",

-it is lovely but it's not really, at £65, worth the money.

-No. We thought so.

-The corkscrews are really cheap, so that works well for your plan...

-Yes.

.."Buy for nothing and hopefully sell for a bit more".

We thought that inkwell was probably worth about 35,

-rather than 65.

-I think you're completely right.

But writing is quite an interesting thing.

This glass pounce pot with Quaker silver base is rather fun.

Pounce is something you put over ink to make it dry.

-That's £20.

-Oh, that's quite good.

-And it's not a bad object.

We should consider that at the end.

-But I've got something else I've seen.

-OK.

-It's my turn to do my show and tell. Is that all right?

-BOTH: Yes.

And I, while looking around,

thought that this was quite fun...

..a sort of stationer's desk thing for one's magazines,

-and quite functional in today's world.

-I could use that on my desk.

-It's nice.

-Not a bad-looking object.

-BOTH: No.

-85, though.

-It's a lot of money.

-It's useful.

-It's a lot of money. We need to get some off.

-BOTH: Yes.

-There's a small piece missing off there.

-There is.

I didn't see that. But it's...

-It's functional.

-It is, yes.

-I'd put that on my desk.

-Would we make on that, though?

-If you got it for about 40, you've got a good chance.

-We won't buy it if we can't.

-BOTH: No.

-There's no chance of buying it at 50. We can't do that.

-No.

We'll have to go and find one of the shop owners and find out what's going on.

-Is that all right?

-Excellent.

-Fantastic.

-I'll go downstairs and you guys stay here.

-We'll guard it.

-Guard it with your life.

-The one thing that sort of bothers me about this is the patina, yes?

-Yes.

This has got no depth of colour.

It just makes you wonder how old is it.

Do you think it's original?

This leg here is clearly 19th century.

-But if you look down there, this is...

-That's a lot older.

I think that's 19th century, as well, but it's not beyond the wit of man.

This hasn't got as much colour as I would've hoped it to have if it were an old thing.

If you could get the broom and this for about 250ish...

-Yes.

-..that would be good.

-He didn't say he'd go lower than 250.

-You've got to ask him.

Ask him if he can.

Ask the question, "How old does he think it is?"

'It's a mystery.

'Over the road, Jeremy looks after all the individual antique dealers' stock.'

There's a couple of things. There's the stationery cabinet we're interested in.

OK. Erm...

-I can do 75.

-Oh, gosh, no!

-No. Too much.

-We were thinking 40.

-HE GASPS

I can't do that.

The only thing I can do is ring the vendor

-and see what they've got to say.

-Great.

-That'd be brilliant.

-I will do my best.

-OK.

-That'd be great if you could.

-OK.

-And the other thing is, is this the same vendor?

-It is.

-I can pick this out, is that all right?

-Yes.

-It's has a silver case to it.

-Yes?

Not like an English sort of hallmark.

-Right. It's very pretty.

-It is quite pretty, with it engraved.

So it's got 20 on it. What can that be?

Well, it should be 18.

15?

-Erm...

-Go on.

Er...

-OK, 15.

-15.

-15.

It's not bad, actually. What do you think?

-I think so.

-I think it's lovely.

-Go for it?

-Yes, definitely.

-We'll go for that.

-And we'll make a phone call about the stationery cabinet. All right?

-Yes.

I'm not convinced how old this is.

-Why?

-OK, if you have a look at it here,

I think that's an old leg, OK,

but if you look at that staining down there, underneath the seat...

It's either painted or it's been varnished.

There's been some age there and somebody's caned it off there.

It's soft round the edges. That's what you want.

Could you do the two for 250?

I couldn't go that low. Erm...

Cash monies...!

-Do you really like it?

-I really like it.

-That much?

-Yes, definitely.

I could bring this down to 230, so it'd be 260 for the two.

Would do you think, Drew?

-We've got to buy something.

-Yes? Let's go for it.

260 for the both? Go on.

-Thank you.

-Cheers.

-Thank you.

-Cheers.

-I think that's fantastic because it's two items bought!

-Yes.

What's more, I reckon we can give it a test drive.

-I don't think this is going to work.

-I'll have a seat.

Get out of it! What's going on?!

'Cosy!

'And talking of tight squeezes, has Jeremy got the price down on that stationery cabinet?'

The very, very best is 65.

-Oh.

-OK, what I think we'll do, then,

-we'll take the pounce pots...

-BOTH: Yes.

-..but I think we'll leave this.

-Yes.

-OK.

'So half the hour has gone and it's time to take stock.'

-We're panicking a bit because we've taken a long time to buy our first piece.

-Yes.

We thought it was going to be easy, but it's quite hard once you're doing it.

-It's got to be under £40, that's for sure.

-We've got to give you something to save us.

I don't know about that.

Are we going in here?

-One item down...

-BOTH: Yes.

..not much money, two to go.

Spent little! THEY LAUGH

'But the pressure is on,

'although you wouldn't think it the way Philip is leading the boys astray.'

Try these on. Now that is funny.

-I think those are you, actually.

-Flower on the front or back?

-I couldn't find a red one.

-I don't think I can pull this off.

-It works from here!

'Actually, it's hats off to the Blue Team,

'who've been busy scouring the cabinets.'

-I like the sugar scoop.

-I like that.

-That's pretty.

-Anything else?

-Those spoons.

-You like those, do you? That's good!

Is there something else in this? Something we've bought, which goes with it?

-It goes with something we've just bought.

-BOTH: The pen.

The pen!

-But first of all...

-I like the pen.

'But it's Thomas who wants to go first.'

..can I just show you this? It's a pen coming out this side,

-with the red marker.

-Yes.

-You've got a little ruler.

-That's lovely. I like that.

-What are these?

-These are knives.

-Oh, wow! That is lush!

-Oh, yes!

That's £35.

-What's that engraved on there?

-It says here,

"JRPP from JMF. July 1890."

-That's a love message.

-That's lovely.

-Lovely.

-Is that a love message?

-No, it's obviously a gift from...

-It's a love message! Come on!

-Be romantic, Thomas!

-'Play along now, Planter.'

-It's a love message, isn't it?

-Say it.

-It's a love message.

It's a love message from somebody's wife to her husband on a trip that he was going on in 1890.

-He probably started life out as an engineer and this is something he had.

-That is lovely.

-Yes.

-We like that.

-Do you like that?

-I do.

-Try and do a deal on that.

-Yes?

-Absolutely.

-Jeremy!

-OK?

What can one do with that?

This guy's a very good dealer. He's here, so I might be able to chat to him.

-Really?

-Excellent.

-25?

-We'll see what we can do.

-25.

-25 would be fantastic.

-You're offering 25?

-BOTH: Yes.

Now, this might help...

Is there anything else in this cabinet you like?

-The pen.

-We quite like the pen and the sugar spoon.

-The sugar spoon.

-Yes.

-Do you want my honest opinion?

-Yes.

-The pen is great

but it's got to be £10 to make any sort of money and that's never going to happen.

BOTH: OK.

The spoon is your best bet.

-What was the price on that?

-35.

-Right.

-What do you think that would do?

-We'll give him the pen, as well.

We still need to get that at a decent price.

If the dealer's here, we'll ask about the pen.

OK. I'll go and have a chat to him and see what we can do.

'Thomas seems interested in the pen, after all.

'But I'm not sure the Reds are going to find their third item, you know.'

-JAUNTY MUSIC

-What about...?

-Hm!

-No?

-No.

-Wonderful.

-There you go, Drew.

-Yes?

-Yes.

-Jeremy, hello!

-Hello. Right, I've spoken to the dealer.

-This one can be £20.

-Mm-hm.

-This one can be £20

and this item can be £25.

I think we'll take the, er, pencil, shall we?

-So, this is our second item?

-BOTH: Yes.

-£25?

-£25.

-Fantastic.

-Yes?

-BOTH: Yes.

-We need our third and final item.

-OK.

-Come on. We've got ten minutes!

'Yes, it's time to get this sewn up. Isn't that right, boys?'

-What about this?

-You like a bit of a sew, do you?

I don't know if it still works. It looks in good condition. How much is it?

-Guys, what are you doing?

-I don't know.

-A sewing machine?

-Is there a price on it?

-If it comes under...

It's £35. That'd leave you... Would that leave you any money?

Well, it would, but there's a couple of issues.

The first - it's electric. Anything electric that goes into auction has to be PAT tested,

that'll cost a fiver or thereabouts,

or you have to get rid of all the wires,

which an electric sewing machine without the electric is not the best seller.

-Has it got the top cover?

-No. I think that's just it.

-"As is".

-It's five-pounds worth.

-That little?

-That little.

'It's not looking good, this.'

-Anything take your fancy, girls?

-I like the bear.

-Can we have a look at your bear, please?

-Sure. No problem.

-It's unusual.

-He is unusual, isn't he?

It is a musical Black Forest bear,

-but the actual musical bit is not working.

-Right.

-But because they're clockwork, they can be fixed.

-They can.

But that's quite fun. The musical movement would've been in there.

They're normally made in Switzerland, rather than the Black Forest.

Come on, Jeremy, what can be your very best on that?

Right, OK! Let's see what we can do.

-What do you think?

-How much is it now?

-58.

-Right.

-30.

-No! Shush!

Let me just, er, pick myself up!

Er...

The very, very best on this is 45.

40?

-Can you not do it for 40?

-Come on, 40.

-£40?

-Yes. Lovely. Great.

OK, 40.

-£40?

-Done.

-Brilliant.

'With only five minutes to spare, they got their grisly bear.'

-Come on!

-Thanks very much.

-ALL: Bye-bye.

'Those Reds could be in for a hairy time of it if they don't get a shove on.'

-I found this downstairs.

-OK.

-Which is a little silver vesta case.

It's hallmarked 1915, so that tells us that it's silver.

-There's the hallmark just there.

-OK.

It's got initials engraved on it, which is not the biggest problem in the world.

-OK.

-This would've been a matchbox holder.

You'd put your little matches in there, your vestas.

They would sit in there

and when you wanted to light whatever, you opened it up and took one out

-and, lo and behold, there's the striker.

-Oh, that's cool!

-How much?

-It's £45. Realistically, we haven't got £45.

-35.

-You've got to get 35. It's the most you can possibly pay.

-Go and see what she'll do.

-Yep.

-Leave me with something, guys!

'He's like an anxious parent at the school gates.

'Anyway, tick-tick, tick-tock...'

I am beginning to panic here. If this doesn't work -

-We did it.

-35.

-Thank the whatsits for that!

-£35?

-It leaves you with a fiver.

You've left me with a fiver. You ditched the dough!

And talk about cutting it fine, that is what we're down to!

'Yes, and so ably demonstrated by our director.

'Time's up!'

Let's check out what the Red Team's bought, eh?

The boys pulled up a pew with this mahogany bench at £230.

For another 30, Drew got his way with the horse-hair broom.

And in the nick of time, they struck a deal on this vesta case. £35 paid.

-How was it for you, then, Drew? All right?

-Yes.

-Have you enjoyed the shop?

-Very much so. I think we've got some good deals.

-Are you the same, Alex?

-I'm not so sure about the curling brush, to be honest!

-It's a broom, actually! It's my broom.

-Sorry!

What I love is, these hi-tech computer animals are out there buying brooms!

This is what it's all about.

-How much did you spend all round?

-Erm, £295.

That is such a good number, isn't it? 295.

Just the one little note going across to P Serrell.

-There you go!

-That won't buy a cheese sandwich!

-Well...

-We're expecting good things.

It could make all the difference. The responsibility is on your shoulders.

-Good luck.

-We've got faith.

Have we got faith in the Blues? Why don't we check out what they've bought?

A silver and glass pot first took their fancy for £15.

They're hoping to carve out a profit

with this novelty penknife and pencil combo.

And a Black Forest bear desk tidy made their shop shipshape at £40.

-You only spent £80.

-Yes, but...

-How could you do that?

We're relying on his expertise to get us something good.

Which is your favourite piece, D?

A little silver, erm,

-pen and penknife type...

-Jobby.

-Yes. That's my favourite.

-That's your favourite.

-Do you agree, Jill?

-I do, absolutely.

-It's a pretty unique little item so I think that'll do well.

-OK.

So you only spent £80.

I'd like 220 pounds leftover lolly!

OK, Tom. I hope you blow the lot, boy!

-So do I!

-I'll try!

Thank you, Tom. Thank you, girls.

Meanwhile, we're heading off to the heart of Oxfordshire.

Nestling in the idyllic Cotswolds countryside

lies Chastleton House,

a little-known Jacobean country manor.

Built by one Walter Jones

at the beginning of the 17th century,

this is a particularly fine example of Jacobean architecture,

built of gorgeous yellow Cotswold stone

with an interesting array of intersecting gables

and a profusion of mullion windows.

But if you think this place looks gorgeous from the outside,

you wait till you see what's inside.

Here in the Great Chamber

we get an equally good impression of Jacobean architecture

from the inside.

The focal point of most rooms is the fireplace,

and this one is particularly grand.

It's made of sculpted limestone

and is full of interesting architectural detail.

The ceiling is almost equally impressive.

This is an arrangement of pendant bosses,

which is typical of the 17th century.

Next, and a feature that's highly unusual in 17th-century architecture,

is the inclusion in the panelling

of all these portraits, or mug shots,

running around the frieze.

They're in polychrome, painted on panels,

and one half of them, that's the male characters with the pale blue backgrounds,

are prophets from the Old Testament.

The other half are Sybils,

who are effectively prophetesses.

The only really genuine 17th-century furniture in the room, though,

is this set of chairs.

Were you able to pick them up, you'd find they're incredibly light.

That's because they're made of walnut and beech.

Both of those timbers are delicious to the woodworm,

hence throughout, there's extensive worming.

And that's what makes their survival so miraculous,

because the very, very tall back is not only uncomfortable

but very liable to damage.

Lean back on these with a bit of woodworm

and the back is broken and the chair is destroyed.

The front supports, which are curved,

are called Braganza supports,

after Catherine de Braganza, the wife of Charles II.

For our teams today, though, over at the auction,

we hope it's going to be less Braganza

and more bonanza!

It's a couple of weeks on and we're back in Cirencester,

entering all the items to auction.

Well, it's a delight to be with Liz Poole

at the Cotswold Auction Company in Cirencester.

-Liz, good morning.

-Good morning.

We're going to set a benchmark here with this bench.

-Yes?

-We are.

-How do you rate it?

I wasn't quite sure to start with. I wasn't sure if it was an Indian repro,

but it's definitely got some age to the back of those legs.

-It's such a wonderful quality job, isn't it?

-It is. Good and heavy.

-Yes.

-£70 to £100 estimate.

-The team paid £230.

-Alex really went very, very strongly with it.

-OK.

-Loved it.

-It's a question of who might be here today to hoover it up, right?

-Yes.

If we need to brush up any profits, we've got this fellow to help us!

-That's a wacky thing, isn't it?

-It is.

-What do you think it is?

My first thoughts was that it was a curling broom,

but after a scintillating evening on the internet, erm,

early curling brooms are flatter,

so I've called it a brush for polishing a floor maybe.

I mean, it's heavy enough to, er,

take a kind of blanket-type cloth, soaked in polish, isn't it,

and you might apply it with this and polish it off with another.

-This bristle would take up any irregularity in a timber floor as you apply the polish.

-Yes.

Either way, it's a pretty useless piece of kit.

-Mm.

-What do you think it's worth?

-I've put 20 to 30.

I think you're absolutely right. £30 was paid and that's about it.

OK, moving along, we have one of the world's most ordinary vesta cases.

-Yes. Very run of the mill, rectangular, engraved...

-Bruised!

-Birmingham 1915.

-Unfortunately, got a monogram on it.

-So everything's going against it.

It's late, bruised, monogrammed, small, it's very dull and ordinary.

-15 to 30 estimate.

-Lovely. £35 our team paid.

-OK.

They're more or less on the money with two of their items and a bit off on that bench,

which is so speculative, but actually is so special.

-I rather admire them having a punt.

-Definitely.

Well, having had a punt, they may well need their bonus buy desperately.

As it was only a five-pound note, let's find out what was acquired.

OK, chaps. Well, you only gave Philip a fiver!

I would not want to go out with a five-pound note

and find something that I could say is likely to make a profit,

so, Philip Serrell, over to you.

This is really small so I want you look very close.

Are you concentrating? Are you ready?

-Have you got it?

-No.

-Have you got it?

-No.

I must have it, then. Hold on. There we are.

-This is a little ruler.

-Cool.

-It's an advertising ruler

for the Co-operative Wholesale Society. Have a look.

-How much did this cost?

-It was a fiver. We spent every penny.

What do you think we're going to get out of it?

I actually think it's quite collectable. It might do you...

If you have a bit of luck, it might do 20 to 40 quid.

But it should make £10 to £15 all day long.

-1902.

-Yes.

-For that year only,

you'd go down the local shop and they'd say

"You're a very good customer.

"Have a tin-plate folding ruler with a calendar."

I think it's really clever.

Let's find out what the auctioneer thinks about the folding ruler from the Co-op.

Well, well, well, look at that. If you only had £5

and you had Philip beside you, that's what you'd come up with.

-It's lovely, isn't it?

-Isn't it nice?

-I really like it!

-We've got a calendar, right?

-Yes, a little calendar.

-From 1902.

-1902.

And on the back, a useful little ruler.

-Given away as a freebie.

-Which is lovely, isn't it?

-What's your estimate?

-Five to 10 pounds.

-OK.

-A little catchy-type come-and-buy-me estimate.

-Definitely.

Very good. That's it for the Reds.

Now for the Blues, who have similarly nice things.

Tell us about the pounce pot, Liz.

This is Quaker silver, American, circa 1930,

etched, and one of a pair, salt or pepper.

So it's nothing to do with pounce,

that dust to dry off your inky letter.

-It's a bit too late for that.

-It's a pepper pot.

-It is.

There we go. We've learnt something. What's it worth?

Not uncommon. £10 to £20.

OK, £15 paid, so they're OK on the money with that.

-Do you rate the novelty penknife?

-I do like it.

Victorian. A pencil and a ruler

and little knives, folding.

-And so collectable, and in solid silver.

-Yes.

-When's it hallmarked?

-1895.

-What's your estimate?

-30 to 50.

-Is that all?

-I know.

-It must be worth £100 to £150.

I think it appeals to lots of small collectors.

-Anyway, we'll see.

-Good.

-Watch the egg go all over my face.

-What about the Black Forest bear? He's fun.

-He's nice.

People like Black Forest bears.

Smoke stand, pipe stand,

got a little musical movement on the side there. Lots of fun.

-A typical novelty Black Forest jobby.

-Definitely.

-Is it going to be an amazing dancing bear?

-Hm... Midway. 40 to 60.

-They'll be happy with that. They only paid 40.

-Good.

I have a funny feeling they aren't going to need their bonus buy

because they're going to make such a profit on that penknife!

Anyway, let's go and have a look at it.

Planter, what did you buy?

TP bought a lamp base, but it's not just any lamp base.

Let me explain.

It's South African. It's made by a technical college.

It has a wonderful presentation here, "For the Right Honourable Earl of Clarendon."

A 1930s, beautifully-made lamp base.

A piece of unique art.

How much did you pay for that, Thomas?

Hundreds! I used it all up!

-Did you? You didn't?

-220?

-220!

-You didn't pay 220!

-You didn't pay 220?

Of course I didn't. This cost me £30.

Oh, wow. It's lovely.

-You say that with real conviction(!)

-This is an engineer we have here.

I love Arts & Crafts things.

Come on, Diane, that's brilliant!

-BOTH: That's fantastic, Thomas!

-Isn't he a clever old sausage?

-We're happy with that?

-Yes.

-Fantastic.

Let's find out, for the audience at home, whether the auctioneer is as happy as we are.

-A little bit of history for you.

-It is, isn't it?

A nice hunk of metal. It's good and heavy, isn't it?

It certainly is. And quite practical as a lamp, all the weight in the bottom there.

Nice inscription.

"Pretoria Boys and Girls" to the Duke of Clarendon.

A little bit of history, but not easy to place.

-No.

-South Africa schoolwork from the 1930s

is not exactly top of the shopping list here in Cirencester, I guess.

But a decorative thing. We've put 30 to 50.

Very nice. £30 paid by the Planter.

-He's paid the right amount of money, as usual. Who knows, it could take off.

-Let's hope.

It could light up the world.

-How are you feeling? Excited?

-Yes.

It's a lovely feeling, this, isn't it? Everything to go for.

Like your hall bench...

-Are you feeling nervous, Alex?

-A little nervous.

I'm hoping my bench does better than his broom!

Let's hope the power of the internet makes us a decent connection.

-Here it comes.

-19th-century mahogany hall bench.

Rather stylish.

What shall we say? £50? £50 to start.

Where are our furniture buyers? £50. Come on.

-50.

-£50?

-£30. Do I see 30?

-£30!

-20, then. £20.

-£20!

-20 bid. Thank you. 20 bid standing.

At 20 bid standing, who's going 22?

25, sir? 25. 28?

30. 35. At 35.

No? At 35 on my right. 35.

At 35? Any more at 35?

-I can't bear it.

-35, then, at 35.

Are we all finished at 35?

That's good because it just nipped the loss in at under 200!

-Minus £195.

-Your bench did well, Alex!

Our expectations were low but not that low.

I have a horrible feeling about this. Now, the old brush...

What shall we say? 20 to start. £20. Start me off at 20.

Any takers in the room? We have a phone bid waiting.

-Any bids in the room?

-A phone bid? That's brilliant.

-20 on the phone.

-20?

-On the phone!

-Please don't go more than my bench!

Is there any more? 20 on the phone.

He knows it's a curling broom.

£20 on the phone.

All done, then, and selling...

Minus £10. Now the vesta case. Here we go.

George V silver vesta. Birmingham 1915.

Start the bidding with me at 10. At £10 on commission. 12.50.

At 15. 18. 20.

At 20 in front. The gentleman's bid in front. 22.

25. 28. 30.

At 30 seated. Thank you for bidding. With you, sir, at 30.

-One more. Come on!

-All done. In front at £30.

-£30. Minus £5.

-It was close.

-You nearly made a profit there.

Overall, you are minus £210.

It's all relative, isn't it?

-What are we going to do about the ruler and calendar? Are you going with that?

-Yes.

-OK.

I don't think we could lose much more!

-I don't think we can make 215!

-You never know.

-No, I think I do!

-OK. Here comes the ruler.

-Lots of interest.

-Loads and loads of commission bids. Start at 20.

-What?

-22. 25. 28.

-Look at this man!

-At 30.

On commission at £30.

32. 35.

38. At 38.

Any more? At 38...

-You paid £5 for this.

-38 in the room. Any more? At 38.

Selling at 38. Last chance.

-Selling!

-This is very good!

-GAVEL BANGS

Look at that - £38!

-That's all right.

-The man's made £33 profit on a £5 investment.

That does not happen every day. Well done, Phil. Excellent.

Anyway, £33 off that lot is a complicated sum, actually.

That is £177 of losses.

-Minus 177, which is not much when you say it quickly!

-We did well!

The way things are going, that could be a winning score today!

-This is exciting. Do you know how the Reds got on?

-BOTH: No.

Good. Now, your so-called pounce pot,

that first item, has been identified as an American cruet.

-Thomas, I did say that.

-It's called a parlor cruet.

I have to say, your next item,

your super-duper Victorian combination novelty job is just marvellous.

-We love that.

-The two knives and the thingamajig...

On a good day in a silver sale, it's worth £150 to £200.

Lastly, you've got your Black Forest dancing bear.

-Grr!

-Musical. Arrgh! I love that!

You paid £40 for that. The estimate she's put on it is 40 to 60.

We'll cross our legs and hope for the best.

If all else fails, you've got the South African presentation lamp to fall back on.

Which would be painful!

Now, first up is the pepperette. Here it comes.

£20. Nice little piece. £20.

-Do I see 20? 10, then. £10. £10.

-Come on!

-Any takers at 10?

-BOTH: Come on!

-Any interest? Nobody interested?

-Come on!

-Nobody wants it? £5. £5 with the gentleman.

-COME ON!

-At £5 with the gentleman. Any more?

-Come on!

At five. Six bid seated, at six. Seven.

Seven now. Eight. Nine.

At £9. Ten with the gentleman seated, at ten.

It's going up.

£12 I'm bid, at 12. Thank you.

-Come on!

-Bid standing at £12.

-Another three...

-No!

£12. It's £12. Minus £3.

-Now the penknife and combination whatnot.

-This is...

-This is vital.

-Vital, to claw back that £3.

Ruler and combination pencil. Hallmarked for 1895.

Very pretty. £40.

-Oh, come on!

-20. £20.

It's worth 20 any day. 20 bid. Thank you.

Who's going on? At £20 for our lovely little piece. Any more?

£20. Is there any more? 22. At 22.

-25.

-It's more than £20!

-It's 25 now. It's all right.

At 25 bid, standing at the back. All done.

At £25, it wiped its face.

You'd might and well give it away.

OK, fine. Now the Black Forest bear.

-DIANE GROANS

-Oh, this is not... I can't bear it!

He does play a nice little tune.

What shall we say? 30 to start. £30.

20, then. 10, then. Give me 10.

-It was a lovely bear!

-Does nobody want it for ten?

£10. Can I tempt anyone? Ten at the back, at ten.

At ten with the gentleman at the back. At 12 now.

At 12. 15 is it? 15. At 15. 18, sir. 18.

At 18. At 18 on the right.

At £18...

-At £18.

-BOTH: Come on!

Is there any more on the net? Be quick if you're interested.

At £18 in the room....

£18 it is. That's minus £22.

Overall, we're minus £25, girls.

-Are you going to go with the lamp or not?

-BOTH: Yes.

-Definitely.

-They're going with the bonus buy.

-Presentation table lamp

with the wonderful inscription, dated 1931.

Very handsome it is. Start me at £20. Do I see 20?

-Come on!

-20. 20 for the table lamp. Ten, then.

Do I see ten? Any takers at £10?

-£10.

-Come on! It's beautiful! It's weighty!

No? Weighty! It's a good weighty piece.

A lot of metal in there. £10. Do I see ten? Any takers for £10?

It'd look lovely in the bathroom!

£5? You were just waiting for me to get down. Not a lot at five.

-Any more?

-£5?!

-At £5 standing, my only bid. Are we all finished?

At £5...

Six. Thank you, sir. Seven.

At seven. Eight is it, sir?

Eight. Nine. At nine. Thank you.

-It's better than it looks!

-At nine. All finished, then, at nine?

Well, girls, that's it. The final tally is minus 46,

which is hardly right, is it, for something that I predicted would make a cool £100 profit

and it actually wiped its face, so I'm sorry about that.

But that is the reality of real auction life.

-Just don't say a word to the Reds.

-We won't.

-All will be revealed in a moment.

What a happy programme we've had today!

But which team have made marginally less in the way of losses?

Well, the runners-up today, I'm afraid,

-are the Red Team...

-THEY GROAN

..who finish up with a tally of minus £177.

That's after a stellar profit on the bonus buy!

Phil, how you made £33 profit on that miserable little tape measure, I do not know!

-So after the stellar profit, we're minus 177.

-Good job.

It's down to the bench, and the bench should've done better,

-so there we are!

-My fault.

-It's nobody's fault!

-It is.

It's not his fault, Drew! Don't you go drubbing him in the office tomorrow.

-It's just bad luck. I hope you've had a nice time.

-We have.

-You've been great sports.

But the victors today, who are going home with the accolade, if no cash,

of losing £46, have done really not too badly!

They made a profit on absolutely nothing and they had one wiped face.

But let's not dwell on the detail, eh?

-Di, are you happy with that?

-Absolutely thrilled.

-All right, Jill?

-Ecstatic.

-THEY LAUGH

-Good. Ecstatic.

-Join us soon for some more bargain hunting. Yes?

-ALL: Yes!

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