Episode 14 Beat the Brain

Hello, it's The Brain here.

Do you think you have the mental dexterity and mind power to beat me?

Try these two games at home to find out.

A clock is reflected in a mirror.

What's the real time?

And here's the second.

Name the missing winners and losers.

Did you beat me?

Find out at the end of the show when I'll give you the answers.

Now it's time for our four contestants

to oil their synapses and ignite their mind cells

as they attempt to Beat The Brain.

APPLAUSE

Please welcome the man we all crave...

it's John Craven!

Well, thank you very much indeed, and welcome to Beat The Brain.

On this show, it's not your general knowledge that's put to the test,

but the way that your mind works,

as our four contestants face

fiendish problems, puzzles and posers.

You can play along at home, as well,

and hopefully we'll leave your little grey cells a little fitter and a little wiser.

So, let's say hello to our questioning temptress...

How are you today, Brain?

Oh, I feel like a winner today, John.

Yes, I've got the Cortex Factor!

Well, I know some people who think that they are going to be

the winners today - our team.

Let's meet them now. Please introduce yourselves.

I'm Gerald, and I'm a carer.

I'm Barbara, and I'm an English teacher.

I'm Clive and I'm a research and information officer.

I'm Pierre, I'm team captain,

and an IT systems analyst.

-APPLAUSE

-Welcome, all.

And, Pierre, team captain, what's the name of your team?

It's Up The Junction.

Up The Junction... Why's that?

Well, it's from a Squeeze song,

but it's also from Clapham Junction railway station, where...

Gerald lives nearby, I go through many times when I go into work.

Right. So, do you think you're going to beat The Brain?

-We're going to have a good go, yeah.

-Yeah.

-Great.

Well, this is how it works.

The show's Brain is divided into six zones...

Now, The Brain will select four out of those six zones

for you to play today.

And, Pierre, as the team captain, it's up to you to decide

which team members you think would be best in each of those zones. OK?

You'll face a series of questions in your zones,

with each correct answer adding three seconds

to what we call your Brain Bank.

The more time you build up,

the better chance you have of beating The Brain in today's final,

and walking away with our jackpot of £3,000.

-So, Up The Junction, are you ready to play?

-ALL:

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Right. Time to find out which zone you'll be facing first.

Brain, zone please.

Logic it is.

So, Pierre, who would you nominate for that?

-I am actually nominating myself for that round.

-Good.

Well, come and join me, Pierre, in the Logic Zone.

APPLAUSE

-Good to see you, Pierre.

-And you.

So, you mentioned Squeeze. Are you a Squeeze fan?

Yes, I've got a few of their albums,

and I've seen some of the members in concert.

Not the original line-up, but I have seen some of the band in concert.

As someone heavily involved in IT,

-is that we think you are good at Logic?

-That's the theory.

Whether, in practice, I'm actually good at it, I don't know.

We'll find out.

Because you'll pay two games in the Logic Zone,

both games are three questions

with three seconds each.

So, Brain, what's the first game?

Hello, Captain Pierre.

Hello, Brain.

A warm-up question first, Pierre.

What's your favourite smell?

Erm... I like the smell of leather.

I bet you do. Here's your first game.

Rock beats scissors, Pierre.

Scissors beats paper.

And paper beats rock.

You need to identify all three missing terms.

To help you out, have a trial run.

Erm... Scissors.

Paper.

I think the last one's paper.

Scissors, paper, paper - is that correct?

Scissors, scissors, paper.

Did you use to play this in the playground?

I haven't played it in the playground,

but I do know the theory behind it.

I think I got mixed up with the two scissors in a row.

I should've said two scissors.

-So, do you think you've got yourself sorted out now?

-I think so, yes.

-Ready to play the game?

-Yes.

-Over to you, Brain.

Pierre, you have 45 seconds to answer three questions correctly.

And please remember I can only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

Paper.

Rock.

Paper.

That's right, yes. Next one.

Paper.

Rock.

Paper.

Yes, well done. One to go. 25 seconds left.

Erm... Scissors.

Paper.

Paper.

Scissors, paper... well done! Yes!

-Three out of three.

-APPLAUSE

In your first round. That's pretty good going.

Ready for game two?

Yes, I'm ready for the next...

-Can we have it, please, Brain?

-Of course, John.

Here's your second game, Pierre.

Three darts will be thrown.

You must add up the score

and subtract it from the total.

To get your eye in, have a trial run.

12.

Triple-three.

Nine.

What's that total...? And deduct it from 501.

It's 30, so it's 471.

471. Well done. Yeah.

Do you ever score at darts?

I've done the scoring when we've played 501.

-So I've done 501 downwards, a few times.

-OK.

Well, we'll see how you do

when The Brain gives you some scoring to do. Off we go.

You have 45 seconds to answer three questions correctly.

Remember, I'll only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

15.

Seven.

19.

Erm...461.

461, you say?

You're one out. Next one.

Double-14.

Nine.

15.

15 seconds to go.

Erm...420.

420, you say?

408. One to go.

Six.

Double-17.

Triple-four.

Have a guess. Out of time, I'm afraid.

Out of time. What is the answer?

356. But, never mind, it's still a reasonable start for your team.

Isn't it, Brain?

Absolutely.

You added nine seconds in that zone.

Which means, in total,

Up The Junction have nine seconds in their Brain Bank.

Well done. Good to see you, Pierre.

Please rejoin the team.

Right, time to find out our next zone, please.

And who is going to take it on? Brain, the zone.

Multi-tasking. Pierre, do you reckon will be best at multi-tasking?

I believe that's Clive.

OK, Clive, come and join me... in the Multi-tasking Zone.

APPLAUSE

So, Clive, why do you think you've been chosen for this zone?

Maybe because I do a couple of jobs.

Maybe because I am a musician, so I have to, kind of,

use both hands and try and split my brain to do different things.

What about when you're around home - good at multi-tasking then?

Generally, I just try and do one thing at a time at home.

-Yes, most men do.

-Yes, you're right.

Right, well, let's play the Multi-tasking Zone.

Brain, please reveal the first game that Clive will be playing today.

-Hello, Clive.

-Hi, Brain.

-I love your silver glasses.

-Thank you.

Your team should be called The Spectaculars.

Indeed! We were thinking we should be called Four Eyes,

-or something like that.

-THEY LAUGH

Here's your first game.

Count the named objects on the left,

add the numbers on the right.

To give you some practice, have a trial run.

Count the carrots and add the numbers.

-How many carrots? What was the score?

-Three and nine?

Three and nine, you're saying? Is that right?

It is, well done.

-Ready to play?

-Yes. Off we go.

Your game starts now.

Count the ice creams and add the numbers.

-Three and 10.

-Three ice creams and 10 - is that right?

No, three and 12.

A couple out. Right, next one.

Count the bananas and add the numbers

-How many bananas?

-Four and 11.

Four and 11, you're saying? Is that right?

Five and 19.

Right. Here comes the last one.

Count the rubber ducks and add the numbers.

Five and 20.

Five and 20. Is that right?

Yes, it is! Well done.

Finally got the hang of that one.

-Yes.

-OK, Brain.

Can we have game two, please?

Here is your second game, Clive.

When the number of sheep matches the number I say,

add that number to the total.

Have a trial run.

I think it's seven.

You reckon it's seven.

The total of the matching numbers... It was indeed. Good. Yes.

-Because this is quite a hard game, this one.

-Yes!

A lot of people think that. So, let's see how you do.

-Thank you.

-Let's play for real.

Your game starts now.

-10.

-Is that right?

It is, yes.

Next one, please?

-11.

-11, you're saying?

Is Clive right?

Yes, he is. You're good at this kind of multi-tasking.

I like sheep.

THEY LAUGH

-13.

-13, Clive.

Is that right? It is!

-You're good at counting sheep.

-Yes.

So, Brain. What do you make of that?

Well, you are baaa-rilliant in that last game, Clive.

Thank you, Brain.

You added 12 seconds in that zone.

Meaning that Up The Junction now have 21 seconds in their Brain Bank.

-APPLAUSE

-Great.

That's not bad for halfway through.

So, if you'd rejoin the teams now. Good to see you.

Well, we're halfway through and, of course,

it's quite vital now that you two, Gerald, Barbara,

do some high scoring for your team,

because the more seconds you can put into that Brain Bank

the much better your chance of getting the jackpot

at the end of the show. OK?

-So, no pressure(!)

-No pressure, at all!

THEY LAUGH

Let's find out which zone is next

and who is going to take it on.

Brain, the zone, please.

Orientation, it is.

So, Pierre, who are you nominating?

My thoughts are orientating towards the gentleman at the end there,

-Gerald.

-OK.

-And, Gerald,

how do you feel about that?

I'm ready for the challenge.

Right, well come and join me in the Orientation Zone.

APPLAUSE

-Lovely to meet you.

-And you, too, Gerald.

-Why do you think you'd be good at orientation, then?

-Erm...

it's the observation side of it.

I used to work in photography, so looking at things is important.

-Shall we find out?

-Yes.

Right, Brain, please reveal the first game

-that Gerald will be playing.

-OK.

-Hello, Gerald.

-Hello, Brain.

I hear you have celeb-crush.

Oooh...

Depends who you're talking about.

Sigourney Weaver in Alien.

Well, OK.

You know she based that role on me.

I can gather that, yes.

And who's your favourite man-crush?

Oh... Brad Pitt!

In what film?

-Fight Club.

-Ah, stop.

We mustn't talk about Fight Club.

-No, we mustn't talk about Fight Clu...

-Shh!

Here's your first game.

Follow the car's journey and identify in which direction it ends up facing.

You can warm up with a trial run.

Turn right.

Turn left.

Turn left.

-So, which direction...

-West.

West, you say. Is Gerald correct?

You are indeed.

-Right. So are you ready to play it again?

-Ready.

-Off we go.

Your game starts now.

U-turn.

Turn right.

U-turn.

East.

East, you're saying? Is that right?

It is indeed. Next one, please.

Turn right.

U-turn.

Turn left.

Turn right.

-I lost it on that one.

-Uh-huh.

-GERALD SIGHS

-The Brian got you, did she?

-She got me there.

-I'm just going to have to say North.

-He's guessing North.

No, it was West. One last one.

U-turn.

Turn left.

U-turn.

Turn right.

-North.

-North, you're saying?

-Yes, that's right. The house came in useful that time.

-They did there.

-Yes.

A different kind of sat nav to the one we used to, eh?

-Well, if that was on my sat nav, I'd...I'd change the voice.

-LAUGHTER

-Brain, what do you make of that?

-I think it's a rather wonderful voice.

Wait a minute, let me find some really difficult questions now. GERALD SIGHS

Here's your second game.

What's the real time?

Have a trial run.

What is the real time there, Gerald?

-Ten to one.

-Ten to one, you're saying?

Is that correct? Incorrect.

-Oh, it's ten past one.

-Ten past one.

-Yeah.

So, are you ready to do it for real?

-Yep. Let's do it.

-Right, off we go.

You can have a maximum of 45 seconds to answer three questions.

Remember, I'll only accept your first answer.

Your game starts now.

-Quarter to four.

-Quarter to four, you're saying?

-GERALD SIGHS

-No. Quarter to five.

-Yeah?

-12...

-..40.

-12:40?

-GERALD SIGHS

-Incorrect.

Next one.

-15 seconds to go.

-25 to...

GERALD HISSES

..five. GERALD GROANS

-No. 25 to seven.

-GERALD SIGHS

Well, that proves one thing, Gerald, you're not a clock watcher.

-I certainly am not.

-JOHN LAUGHS

If she had lips, Brain would be smiling all over.

-Wouldn't you, Brain?

-Absolutely.

John, if I had lips, I'd be doing a lot more. JOHN LAUGHS

Gerald, you added six seconds in that Zone.

This means in total, Up The Junction have 27 seconds in their Brain Bank.

-27 seconds! There we are.

-Thank you.

OK, Gerald, jolly good. Nice to meet you.

Barbara, that means just one thing, there's only you left.

-There's only me.

-Yeah. So why don't you come and join me

and we'll find out which of the three remaining Zones

you're going to be playing.

APPLAUSE

-Hello, Barbara.

-Pleased to meet you.

-And you, too.

And I reckon that you have Observation,

Language and Memory left.

So which of those three DON'T you want?

I think Memory was the one I was worried about the most.

-And why is that?

-Erm...I keep forgetting everything.

-LAUGHTER

That a pretty good reason not to want it.

And tell me a bit about yourself?

-Well, I'm a teacher.

-Uh-huh.

So I work in a secondary school teaching English.

And I came to that sort of in my middle age,

and previously I used to work in the darkroom with Gerald.

-So shall we find out what Zone it is?

-Oh, yes, please.

Brain, Zone please.

-Language.

-Language. Couldn't be better for you really?

-Couldn't be better.

-I should be good at this, I think.

-Yeah. Well, let's hope so.

-Yeah.

-Ready to play the first game?

-Yes.

-Can we have it, please, Brain?

-Hello, Barbara.

-Hello, Brain.

Here's your first game.

Barbara, I will give you a word, you need to spell it to me backwards.

Have a trial run.

Spell...JOUST.

Well done. That's right. Yes?

-So, are you ready?

-Yeah.

-We're ready for you, Brain.

Barbara, please remember once you've said a letter, you cannot change your mind.

-OK.

-Your game starts now.

PIGEON.

Yes. Jolly good. Next one, please.

TUTORIAL.

Oh.

Yes. Well done.

These are pretty hard and you're doing very well indeed, Barbara.

And you've got one to go.

BICYCLE.

-E-L...

-It's gone out of my head now.

-No.

-I thought I got that wrong.

-Never mind. Never mind. That was a very good start.

-Yeah.

-So are you ready for game two?

-Yes, I am.

-Can we have it, please, Brain?

Here's your second game.

What word is missing from all three others?

Here's a trial run to help you get a feel for the game.

So, it's a three-letter word

missing from the middle of those three words.

It would be ALL.

As in...

GALLERY, SWALLOW, MEDALLION.

Right. Let's see if that's right.

It is. Yes, well done.

-Yeah. So, ready to play?

-Yeah.

-OK, let's play for real.

Barbara, you can have as many guesses as you like,

but I will not move on to the next question

-until you give me the correct answer or pass.

-OK.

You have a maximum of 45 seconds to answer three questions.

Your game starts...now.

Hmm.

What's that three-letter word?

Hmm?

-Hmm.

-30 seconds left.

Want to have a guess? Or you can pass.

-CAT.

-CAT? Yes, well done.

You'll need to speed up. Here's the next one.

Erm.

-BARBARA MUTTERS

-Five seconds left.

Guess.

Erm.

-No. Time is up, I'm afraid.

-Sorry.

-Let's find out the answer.

RUN! CRUNCH, DRUNK and PRUNES.

-Easy when you see the answer, isn't it?

-It is easy when you see the answer.

Brain, how do you feel at the end of the game?

I like Barbara. And, remember, every second counts in the final

and your score has helped a lot.

You added nine seconds in that Zone,

which means Up The junction have finished

with a grand total of 36 seconds in their Brain Bank!

-36 seconds. That's good.

-That's not too bad.

-Well done. Nice to see you.

If you could rejoin the team, Barbara.

Well, we've finished the individual Zones now,

and it's time for our team to try to beat The Brain one last time

and take home some serious cash in today's final.

Up The junction, you have built up 36 seconds in your Brain Bank.

Well, now you must answer a total of eight questions correctly,

that's two each, to win our jackpot of...

If you don't, there's still a chance to win some decent money,

because The Brain has giving you

a further two minutes in which to answer.

But the longer you take the less you win,

because as the time counts down so does the money,

at the rate of £25 a second.

Take too long and you'll leave empty-handed, I'm afraid.

So, Pierre, as the team captain,

you've chosen your order in which your players are going to face The Brain.

What's your logic in that?

Not too much logic. I wanted Gerald to start off to, hopefully, get us off to a flyer,

and then just to mix up the order just to be a bit different, really.

-Right. Are you ready to play?

-Ready.

Let's get serious, then.

Let's start today's final.

Over to you, Brain.

You will only face questions from the games you've already seen today,

but for every game in the final, I will only accept your first answer.

Up The junction, beat me if you can.

That's the big challenge.

And as always, we'll be starting with the player on the left.

That's you, Gerald. So I need two correct answers from you

before I can move on to the next player and so on down the line. OK?

Well, the very best of luck. Let's start the final.

Digital.

No.

Triple five, seven, 11.

Subtract the score.

GERALD MUTTERS

4...

460...

5.

-No.

-GERALD SIGHS

U-turn.

Turn right. Turn right.

-Which direction?

-West.

-No.

-Count the rubber ducks and add the numbers.

Nine and four.

No.

What's the missing word?

NIRVANA.

ADVICE. SECRET.

GERALD SIGHS

Pass.

What time is it?

Ten to eight.

-No.

-Ten past eight!

What's the winners and losers?

Paper!

Scissors.

Scissors.

Yes.

-Guitar.

-Pass.

One. Three. Four.

One. Three.

Eight.

Yes. Barbara, what's the missing word?

SIT.

Yes.

Turn right.

Turn right. Turn right.

West.

Yes. Pierre.

Four. 19. Double 13.

Subtract the score.

Pass.

SEE.

No.

Pass.

Rock. Paper.

-Scissors.

-Yes.

-Out of time, I'm afraid. Out of time, Up The Junction.

-APPLAUSE

Which means, sad to say, you'll be going home with nothing.

-Ah!

-Bad luck. Never mind.

But you had a good go, didn't you?

-Have you enjoyed yourselves?

-Yeah, brilliant.

And I hope you don't go home too disappointed.

-No, it's been good fun.

-No.

-And, Brain, you were the winner.

Yes, I was.

It was a pleasure going into battle with you, though.

You're a lovely bunch, but I'm The Brain and you're Up The Junction.

LAUGHTER

And thank you all for watching today,

I hope you enjoyed playing along.

But for now, it's time to say goodbye from Up The Junction.

-ALL:

-Goodbye.

-From the Brain.

-Goodbye.

-And from me.

Bye for now.

So that's how the team battled The Brain,

how did you do with those two questions

I gave you at the start of the show?

Here are the answers.

A clock is reflected in a mirror.

What's the real time?

The answer is...

7:35.

And for the second game.

Name the missing winners and losers.

The answer is...

Whether you got them right or wrong,

join us next time to stretch your mental agility

with more demanding games on Beat The Brain.