Episode 2 Best of Top Gear

Hello, thank you, thank you everybody, thank you.

Now, let's get one thing straight, from the start -

Formula 1 is better than NASCAR.

CROWD CHEERS

It just is.

If you compare them to musical instruments,

F1 is a Stradivarius violin, NASCAR is banging a saucepan

with a wooden spoon.

Now, we all agree on that in the civilised world.

Well, when I say we all agree,

we all agree apart from Richard J Cheeseburger Hammond III.

I'm not alone in believing in the supremacy of NASCAR.

It's currently the most popular spectator sport in America.

And there are many reasons why it hits the spot with the fans.

The first is to do with its roots.

Unlike Formula 1, which began as a pastime for wealthy playboys

and aristocrats, NASCAR has very humble, blue-collar origins.

NASCAR has its roots back in the 1940s,

when the moonshine runners, basically naughty hicks,

smuggling illegal booze across county lines,

would modify their cars to outrun the cops.

One thing sort of led to another, and before you knew it,

they were holding informal race meetings in the evenings,

on impromptu racetracks that they kicked into the dirt in fields.

The cars the moonshine runners favoured were ones like this,

a respectable-looking 1941 Ford Business Coupe,

which wouldn't raise the suspicions of a passing policeman.

Clearly, the man in such a car as this,

is going about his business - why would the cops disturb him?

Underneath, though, is a highly-tuned engine,

beefed-up suspension, and inside, a special hideaway

for the illegal booze.

Moonshine runners used this actual car.

It smuggled hooky booze across county lines,

and then went on to race in NASCAR - it's the real deal!

As the decades passed, the sport grew.

'One critical time when trouble could be mighty contagious.'

But that love of living outside the law remained.

In the early 1950s, for example, roll cages were mandatory

in NASCAR racing, but the drivers thought,

well, the added weight was a bit wussy, having a roll cage,

so they just fitted them with things that looked like roll cages,

made out of offcuts of wood, say.

Another reason I prefer this sport,

apart from its rebellious streak, is that next to the spaceships

you get in F1, NASCAR machines are beautifully simple.

As was explained to me on race day at Texas Speedway.

This is making 800 horsepower?

Closer to 900, yeah.

-900 horsepower.

-900 horsepower.

And no electronic aids on this?

No. It's literally carburetted.

NASCAR wants the drivers to separate themselves on the track,

so, for myself, without having data,

I have to explain all the sensations I feel in the car.

Talk about spring changes, shot changes, geometry changes.

So, they're not downloading it off a laptop?

We don't even have a fuel sensor to tell us we've run out of gas.

And these little things, these are the ones...

It's just to create some drag when the car spins around...

That's not going to stop you flipping!

They've proven in the wind tunnel that it does.

Now, what really helps is this. These deploy.

When there's a low-pressure area on the top, these deploy,

and help set the car down.

-That stops you spinning and flipping.

-Two on top.

You have these here, as well.

Hey, that's high-tech, that's like a Land Rover's air vents at the front.

It's not mega high-tech.

If you're a Formula 1 fan, and a NASCAR cynic,

I think I know exactly what you'd be saying if you were here.

This looks, well, easy.

You just keep your foot down, keep turning left,

and that's kind of it, really.

Whereas in Formula 1, there's corners and stuff to remember.

It's tricky.

So, do these drivers,

who can earn up to £15 million a year,

have an easier time of it than F1 drivers?

Well, let's ask a man who's raced in both sports.

To drive? I would say there's nothing drives like a Formula 1 car,

but these are more unpredictable.

They slide around a lot, they have no brakes.

I mean, when I tell you NO brakes, because the car's so heavy

and the brakes are so tiny.

I've got to say, ovals, I think, are more challenging,

and it's because the corner starts way over there,

and ends way over there.

And is the car moving?

The car's moving all the time, it's never settled.

And then, you take the cars all around you, the turbulent air.

If they are on the outside of you, it's pulling you around,

if they're in front of you, you just don't have the grip.

That's when the entertainment value goes up tremendously,

because you're averaging over 190mph,

with that many cars inches away from one another,

and we'll be three or four wide through these corners.

You go to Silverstone, you sit in a stand on and you go, "Meooooo!"

-You wait one half minutes.

-See if the order has changed.

-Yes.

But most likely, it won't.

They used to give awards because, oh, the overtaker of the year,

you passed three people in the whole freaking year.

So, lots of close racing in cars that are tricky to drive,

which means, as a bonus, you get lots of these.

It's a contact sport, put it that way.

A lot of times, the contact that's made is either out of frustration,

the guy wants to get another guy out of the way.

-You can't just ram him because you can't overtake!

-If you have bumpers, you do!

And when there is a coming together,

NASCAR drivers don't bother settling with a stewards' enquiry.

Let's see if they'll fight? Harvick's really mad at Montoya.

-Have we got a fight breaking out?

-Here it comes.

He's slowing back here, and we're going to have a little talk.

This, too, is a bonus for the hard-core fans,

who are not often mistaken for Harvard professors.

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

On race weekends, their main diet is beer and red meat.

-What if you were spotted eating a salad?

-Eating salad?!

And they get a lot more access than F1 fans.

These are actual fans being driven around!

These are fans who have lined up,

that have paid to go around the track with a professional,

or some kind of driver.

-Can you imagine that in F1?

-If you can do this, I'm coming tomorrow.

They're in a pack of cars, they're not even on their own.

Look at this, these are just spectators, you or me.

I didn't see how I might get the same chance to drive on that oval,

but then I was told to report to the drivers' briefing,

where I was in for a surprise.

From the United States Air Force,

four-star general, General Mark A Welsh III and his wife Betty Welsh.

RAPTUROUS APPLAUSE

From Top Gear UK, today's honorary pace car driver,

from Birmingham, England, Richard Hammond.

MUTED APPLAUSE

Race time arrived.

After the national anthem had finished,

the man with the jetpack had landed, and the B-52 bomber had flown past.

It was time to me to lead the grid of 43 cars out on the formation lap.

They are still coming, there's millions of them.

ENGINES ROAR

Don't stall, Hammond, don't mess it up.

Behind me, 39,000 horsepower was itching to get going.

I daren't look in the mirror, it's like being attacked by tigers.

Woah-ho-ho! Oh, come on.

'Slip road is clear.

'Green flag.'

We started that! We did that.

And my treats weren't over, because I would be spending

the actual race helping one of the teams,

who gave me a very important job.

Yeah, I'm with the team. Coming through, oh, yeah.

Now, I will admit, the one problem with NASCAR races

is that they're over 500 laps long,

so at this point there is only one thing we can do...

# We're gonna need a montage Montage

# Oh, it takes a montage Montage

# Show a lot of things Happening at once

# Remind everyone of what's going on

# That's called a montage Montage

# Oh, we want montage Montage

# Always fade out in a montage

# If you fade out... #

That did the trick, and 530 laps later, we had ourselves a winner.

Three hours and 20 minutes of racing just flew by.

There's a man over there who won, he's now firing six guns in the air,

wearing his new Stetson. and he's delighted.

Now the whole circus moves on to the next place, to do it all again,

and there's a big argument here to say this is proof

F1 is po-faced, it could learn a lot from this.

The next morning, at a deserted Texas Speedway,

there was one final treat in store.

This.

Plus a driving lesson from NASCAR royalty - Kyle Petty.

It doesn't feel like anything else I've ever driven, I mean,

this thing does not want to go in a straight line.

The car only wants to turn left, it doesn't want to go straight.

Hit the grass, you've got to run through the grass.

It's like mowing the yard, you have to hit the grass. Hard.

RICHARD SCREAMS

-Yeah, all the way down.

-I am so scared!

More gas, more gas, more gas, more gas.

Oh, dear Lord!

-Put her next to the wall a little bit.

-I am next to the wall!

'Eventually, Kyle let me go out on my own.'

Letting it find grip. Trying not to fight it too much.

It's not just a big loop, it's complex, it's three-dimensional,

and I'm wrestling my way around it in a huge shouting dragon.

I'm going to roll out of this corner onto the straight now,

here I go, getting on the gas! Haha!

Oh, my God!

I'm in an explosion again!

SCREAMS MANICALLY

Where's it finding the grip?

Both of my lungs are on the same side, that's not normal.

'And then, just to add to my problems...'

Oh, no, that's not what I wanted to see in the mirror,

that's too authentic.

I don't need that!

Arghh!

Now, there is a new Range Rover.

It's not as big as the real thing, but does it work?

To find out, I went to the United States. Which is in America.

'This is it.

'It's called the Evoque,

'and even though it's covered in Range Rover badges,

'it doesn't look especially tough or off-road-y.

'Little wonder, when the design consultant for this car was Victoria Beckham.'

This is one of those luxury lifestyle off-roaders,

which is why the producers have told me to drive it to Las Vegas,

where I have a job for the evening chauffeuring the cosmetically enhanced Cher.

However, there is a small obstacle in the way.

'Actually, it's quite a big obstacle,

'because my starting point is here.'

'Death Valley, one of the most inhospitable places on earth,

'boasting some of the toughest terrain a car could ever face.'

So, it's the perfect place to decide if the new Evoque is a proper Range Rover

or just a big designer girl's blouse.

'The edge of Death Valley was 150 miles away,

'and to get there, I wasn't allowed to use any tarmaced roads.'

Now, this is no small challenge because the Evoque doesn't have a massive separate chassis,

it doesn't have a low range gearbox, and it doesn't have a big fire-breathing V8.

What it has is a four cylinder turbo diesel engine

making 187 horsepower,

and underneath, it's based on the old Freelander,

which is loosely related to the Ford Mondeo.

I think the record temperature for this area is something like 137.

If the car were to break down out here,

I reckon it would be three, maybe four minutes

before I got into the crew's Range Rover and went back to the hotel.

'For the first few miles,

'the terrain didn't offer much of a challenge.

'But I did find out something pleasing about the Evoque.'

The ride in this car is excellent.

This surface is actually quite washboard...

..but this is soaking it up marvellously.

'That's because the dampers are filled with a fluid

'that contains magnetised iron filings,

'which can react in milliseconds to alter the firmness of the suspension.'

It's the same system, actually, that they use on the Audi R8,

only in this they can respond twice as quickly.

And if that was you responsible for that, Mrs Beckham,

then can I say thank you very much indeed?

'Mrs Beckham's suspension

'wafted me towards my appointment in Las Vegas.'

MUSIC: "Believe" by Cher.

# Do you believe in life after love? #

Stereo's good as well.

The interior is very good, nicely trimmed and everything,

but then it should be because this may be a baby Range Rover,

but even the most basic one starts at £28,000,

and if you have the Prestige model, like I have here, then it's about £43,000.

'Soon, the going started to get much tougher.'

Ow.

'This is where you normally need a low-range gearbox,

'but instead, the Evoque has an electronic off-road system called terrain response.'

Difficult terrain setting.

'Now I'd find out if it was any good.'

Find me some traction. There you go.

'Along with the terrain response, there are other 21st century aids'.

I can use, look, these cameras, there's five cameras on the car

which help me to look out for bits that I might otherwise hit.

Going on this one, I could miss that rock.

Loving your work, Mrs Beckham.

'Soon, I found myself in a narrow, rocky canyon,

'and the Evoque started to struggle.'

Make an aim for that bit.

HE GROANS

Yes!

Give me more of that!

I have to say, this is pretty good for a car that,

let's be honest, most people are going to drive to the shops

and occasionally across a field to a Pony Club meeting

or Gymkhana, or whatever they're called.

'But eventually, the Evoque had to throw in the towel.'

Oh, no.

I must be a bit of a chump thinking I can get up that, must I not?

That is officially a small cliff.

Still, it's quite a noble effort.

I think we'll have to find a different way round.

'Having retraced my steps, I found another route

'and was soon flying along.'

Woo! This is better!

'Look at the speed I'm doing,'

I'm doing 70 miles an hour on my way to Cher.

'But then...'

Oh, no! Oh!

'With the sand dunes sitting slap-bang between me and Cher,

'there was no option but to put my faith once more in the terrain response computer.

'I have it in sand mode,'

and what it does is it changes all sorts of things,

the suspension settings, the throttle response,

and because I've got it in sand, I get very peaky power delivery,

it holds it in the lower gears, I can change manually in it, it keeps me going through the sand.

That's steeper than I thought.

'As it turned out, the baby Range Rover coped well on the sand.'

HE LAUGHS

What happens if I try and go up there?

Crikey, that's a big climb. You've got to be bloody careful.

'There was, however, a weak link,

'and, as ever, it was my internal sat nav.'

Hang on, hang on. Now I'm going the wrong way.

No. No, no, no.

It just looks like a sheet of beige paper.

'And then some enthusiastic locals turned up.'

Yobbos!

Come on, then.

I don't know what the hell the engines are they've got in those things,

but they're massive!

They've done a wheelie!

'After they'd stripped the Evoque of most of its paint...'

Thank you.

'..the Death Valley rednecks showed me the way out of the dunes.'

I've no idea who these blokes are, but they're good sports.

'Eventually, the buggy chaps deposited me on a dry riverbed,

'but since I was now running late for my date with Cher,

'there was no time to give the Evoque a breather.'

Well, this is about as fast as it will go, actually,

cos it's slightly soft.

I can get up to about 75 or so before the car starts squirreling around.

Again, Mrs Beckham, I have to commend you on your car.

'As the sun set, I came upon a marvellous sight.'

He-hey!

Oh, that's nice.

Mmm, lovely, lovely tarmac.

It's like a cool hand passed across your fevered brow, tarmac.

'It also meant I was out of Death Valley

'and on course to make my appointment.'

'Right, I'm pretty sure that Cher is not going to be interested'

in the road test of the Evoque, so here's a quick sum-up.

'Things I like.'

I think it looks excellent, it's particularly good off-road, as it turns out.

It has a nice, tasteful interior, and the ride is excellent.

Things I don't like, it's not that spacious in the back,

there are a few too many buttons on the steering wheel,

and the door mirrors are too big.

Anyway, onwards to Cher.

'Eventually, my destination came into view.

'Not that you could miss it.'

I've heard Cher's a bit of a diva, actually.

I don't know how she's going to take to...

HE SNIFFS

..a man who's done this much desert off-roading.

Hopefully she likes a bit of stinky rough.

'Soon, I arrived at the venue.'

Temperature set to something comfortable.

That's in the right mode.

CROWD APPLAUDS

Here we go, here we go.

Evening.

Are you a bloke?

Um, yeah.

So you're not actually...

Cher isn't a man?

No, I'm a man that plays Cher.

Right.

# I got you, babe... #

I could really use a burger right now.

Right. Well, that's my kind of language.

I'll see what I can do, sir/madam.

-Sir.

-Madam.

-Madam.

Now it is time to put a Star in our Reasonably Priced Car.

And my guest tonight is quite simply... Rowan Atkinson!

120 shows. Finally got you here.

Thank you so much.

Have a seat.

Rowan Atkinson.

So, Rowan, obviously Not The Nine O'Clock News,

Mr Bean you are, Blackadder.

But may we begin by talking, if you don't mind, about the Honda NSX?

-You are a fan, I believe, of the Honda?

-I have owned one. Yes.

-And why, did you find that...?

-Well, I liked its modesty.

I liked its understatedness.

I liked the fact that it was a very good car.

And yet it didn't shout itself.

It was sort of image-free. I think that's what I liked about it.

This is nice, I like talking to a man about cars.

-It's the only thing I can really talk about.

-Which is why we've looked forward

for some many years to have you on. Of course, the McLaren F1 was another one of your...

-Which I've still got. 14 years on.

-You still have it?

-Yeah.

That is more interesting. Because I don't like that.

I know, you've never been wild about it.

I don't know, you could live with it. I've lived with it for 14 years.

And I've done a lot of miles in it.

I've done 37,000 miles.

-In a McLaren?

-Which, for a McLaren, is a lot.

And you actually lent yours to us, I seem to recall?

Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

What on earth possessed you to say,

"Yes, Top Gear have rung saying, can they borrow my most prized possessions?"

I know, for some reason I trusted you more than most people trust you.

It was Richard Hammond as well, I believe, who has a reputation

-for driving in a straight line with no incidents at all.

-Oh, right, yes.

-You had an Aston Martin last time we saw you in Johnny English.

-Yes.

-Which was a DB7.

-Yes, a DB7 Vantage.

That shows how long ago it was.

It was 2002 when we made the first Johnny English.

-And, of course, now there is another one.

-There is a new one.

Johnny English Reborn.

Reborn? I'm embarrassed to say, I haven't actually seen it.

There's a very good reason for that, because we haven't actually finished it.

But it's coming. It's in the pipelines.

It's out in September, so you'll see it then.

We have a sample of what's going to be in the new movie.

-Hopefully some cars.

-Some bits and bobs, yes.

-Let's have a look at the clip.

The world's greatest spy...

-Johnny English. Work hard, play hard.

-Is back.

And deadlier than ever.

You've been away for some time, English.

But you haven't been forgotten.

There is a plot to kill the Premier.

-Time is of the essence. Where are we on security?

-English?

Give me 24 hours.

-In 2011...

-My country needs me.

-It's Johnny English.

-Let's kick some bottom.

British intelligence...

Fights back.

Johnny!

It's the killer from Hong Kong! Murderous crone!

I've got her! You old hag! She's the killer!

-She's my mother!

-Granny!

I thought the last one was excellent. And that looks...

You'd go and see that, wouldn't you?

Obviously, let's talk about the cars in there. We saw a Rolls-Royce, the Phantom.

Yeah, Rolls-Royce Phantom coupe, exactly.

I feel as though the Aston thing has been a bit over done.

It's in the James Bond movies and we used it in the first film.

I just felt like doing something a bit different.

I've become quite a fan of the Phantom. But I wanted to give the car we had a little USP.

You know, some unique little thing which no other Phantom had.

-Which was?

-Which was an engine.

But not any engine.

This was an engine...

There's an interesting story behind it.

When BMW bought the rights to the Rolls-Royce name

in the late 20th century, they had the opportunity to create

the ultimate luxury car for the 21st century.

They thought, "Maybe we ought to give it the ultimate engine."

So let's give it something like a nine-litre V16 engine.

And, unbelievably, they made three or four of these engines and they tested them.

They got them up to speed and they had unbelievable power and torque figures.

And then, at the last minute, they thought, "Hmm, might be a bit over the top."

But they had developed these engines and they'd stuck them in the warehouse somewhere.

And I knew that they existed, so I got in touch with Rolls-Royce

and said, "Would you mind squeezing one of your V16 engines in the front of our Johnny English Phantom?"

Very sweetly, they agree to do it. And it works, it's the real thing.

So the car we have over there, which is from the movie, that's got a V16 engine in it?

-Yes, a nine litre V16 engine.

-That's amazing. That's why its bonnet's up?

I thought it had broken down.

No, Jeremy, it hasn't broken down.

I'm with you, I'm a huge fan of the Phantom.

-I think it is one of the greatest cars.

-And, of course, it fits perfectly because the Phantom

was designed for that engine.

I want to talk, if I may, just a bit about comedy.

The comedy stuff, take Blackadder.

-Right.

-When you read that script and there was somebody there called Bob.

Anybody else would read it and go, All right, they're called Bob." You decided that

Bob could be a funny word.

Right. Bob.

But how do you do that?

It was always at the end of the sentence.

"So, how can I help you, Bob?"

It just seemed like a funny way of saying it. Bob.

Because I was wondering, I was looking at a list of motoring words

the other day and wondering if you could, just by saying them, make them funny.

-Just say the word.

-Airbag.

De Dion-Bouton.

That's a French word, that.

Petrol pump.

Very good. Round of applause for saying "petrol pump".

-Can I just say, it's also the faces.

-Exactly, that helps.

Reviewing the car, because I have to think of all sorts of things to say about a car.

I know that if you were a presenter on this show, you could just do it with an expression.

-Right.

-So, for example, if you were presented with a McLaren F1.

Think of another one. The imperiousness one gets from a Range Rover.

Ah, right, OK.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Amazing!

We have so much to learn. So, obviously, you do love your cars.

-Yeah.

-Now, of course, you race.

Yeah, occasionally. Historic racing, yeah.

So, what are you racing now?

What I have got is a Ford Falcon, 1964 Ford Falcon.

It's a big 4.7 litre V8, and very, very light.

Isn't that like land yachting?!

Yes, exactly, it's got a certain floppiness to it!

So, obviously, driving the Kia...

One of my worries about coming on the show was

that I think people know

that I'm a car enthusiast and that I have done some racing,

and they will assume that in the Reasonably Priced Car

I'll be very good, when there's no guarantee of that whatsoever.

Because it is a very particular thing,

and I'm a slow learner of cars and all that.

But anyway, I was keen to have a go, so I had a go.

Who here would like to see Rowan's lap?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Play the tape. Let's have a look.

Like you were using launch control!

Okey-dokey. Here we go.

You look a bit nervous, if I may say.

Ooh, wide line, like a Formula 1 driver through there.

And wide on the way out as well. Looking smooth.

Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless.

Yes, now, here we are, into the Hammerhead,

keeping it between the lines.

Obviously, the slower you appear to be going -

and that does appear to be very slow indeed -

sometimes, the faster it is.

That doesn't look too bad, but what do you think from inside?

Good, good, good.

You really weren't pleased with any part of this, were you?

Obviously, flat through there.

Not so good. Not so good, that.

Come on, cheer up! Yeah, that's nicely done.

I say, keeping it very tight on the runway.

That's a new, interesting line.

Second to last corner, that is beautifully handled.

And Gambon, no drama, no histrionics, across the line.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well.

There's the board. Where do you think you might have come?

Who's at the very top?

The man at the very top is John Bishop, the northern comedian,

-followed by Ross Noble, the northern comedian.

-I was born in the north.

You're from the same neck of the woods as Ross Noble.

-Indeed.

-You're looking at the top, you have that...?

No, exactly, one looks at that,

but there's no reason why I should be there.

I felt as though I did OK, but not great. That's my view.

OK, at the very top is Bishop on, what is he, 1:42.8.

So, Rowan Atkinson. You did it...

..one...

Good.

..forty...

Excellent.

..two...

..two.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come on! That's the new fastest man we've ever had on our track!

Ladies and gentlemen, Rowan Atkinson, the fastest man ever!

It is actually remarkable,

because we did genuinely think when Bishop did that time

and was so much faster than Tom Cruise, it would never be beaten.

No, the Tom Cruise thing is fun, actually.

And your lap times were incredibly consistent,

as is the mark of a great racing driver.

Pish and posh!

Turns out you're in the wrong career.

-So, a lot of people think you've already been on this show.

-Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, he has now. Rowan Atkinson!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Many people say that last year they stopped making the Hummer because it was too big and too silly.

However, Richard Hammond says the reason it's gone west is because it wasn't big or silly enough.

This is one of the deceased Hummers.

The H3.

And it is, you'll notice, a pretty sizable car.

However, if you mourn its passing,

don't worry because happily you can now buy something a bit bigger.

It's called the Marauder, which is quite a scary sounding name.

But, hey, Buttercup didn't feel quite right so, hey, live with it.

I can't imagine it ever having one of those Christian fish symbols on the back bumper.

The Marauder, which is built in South Africa, weighs ten tonnes.

It's also 21 feet long and 9 feet high.

So in traffic it does tend to stand out a bit.

Ooh, don't people get out of your way!

Don't they!

CHUCKLES Yeah! Hmm...

Tell you what, you do get some people telling you about how they feel a bit nervous in Johannesburg.

I er... I don't, no! I don't.

It's a weird feeling because I'm both worried about bumping into things because it's big,

and NOT worried about bumping into things

because, well, frankly, who cares?

Like the original Hummer, the Marauder is a military-spec vehicle that ordinary civilians can buy.

All you have to do is pass a background check

to prove you're not a villain living in a hollowed-out volcano,

and come up with a cheque for £300,000.

That is Rolls Royce Phantom money,

for a machine that's not exactly the last word in luxury.

Take the back seats, for instance.

There are eight of them, which is good,

but I don't think you'll be renting this out as a wedding car any day soon.

And as for the dashboard, they clearly decided not to go for the walnut and leather option on here,

partly because they need to leave room for the switches,

partly because the wood might clash with the machine guns.

However, the Marauder does compensate in other areas.

Take this annoying slow traffic that I'm stuck in now.

Normally this is where you need some expensive sat-nav system to give you alternative routes.

The Marauder doesn't need sat-nav.

There you go. There you go.

Oh, yeah!

It really does control its immense weight very well.

Yes!

It really is like offroading quite a large building.

Right, now...

That gap's big enough.

I-It is now.

Oh, Lord!

ALARM WAILS

This is a good town car.

In fact, the Marauder has several benefits as a city runabout.

Imagine, for example, that you nip off to get a coffee and this happens.

Oh! That's not nice, no.

Now, normally the towaway people leave you powerless and penniless,

but not this time.

The Marauder has got 290 brake horsepower

and a top speed of just 70 mph, which admittedly isn't brilliant.

However, the torque figure is astonishing -

1,100 Newton metres of it, which is...a lot.

And that makes it pretty good in a towaway tug-of-war.

We're going this way.

Yes, there you go.

Another everyday irritation,

popping into the supermarket

and coming out to find yourself blocked in. Again,

no problem for the Marauder, thanks to its vertical climbing system.

Low range, four-wheel drive, div lock,

drive, handbrake off.

It's really kind of the ideal shopping car.

But let's not get carried away because, like everything,

the Marauder has its weak points.

Visiting a drive-through, for example.

Normally at about this point you'd roll down the windows

and get ready to say, "Cheeseburger and chips, please."

But the problem is the Marauder's windows are for tough situations,

they're 90 mm thick. They can shrug off an RPG

and as a result you can't open them, so this is where it gets a bit awkward.

Good morning, can I take your order please?

Hello? If you're there...

BOOMS OVER LOUDSPEAKER: ..I'd like a cheeseburger and some chips, please.

This isn't a riot situation, don't be alarmed.

But the real problem comes when you drive around to collect your order.

Right.

Don't be alarmed, I'm not shooting.

So, a mark against the Marauder there.

And if you happen to visit a safari park...

you might find that the windscreen wipers aren't that tough.

But is this the only weak spot? Let's see.

Now, this is where we're going to do a little test you won't find

in the NCAP ratings, and we start not with this but with that.

Our old friend, the Hummer...

..whose underside was packed with seven pounds of plastic explosive.

Oh, dear.

Really not much point trying to see if it'll start because some pretty important bits are missing.

So the H3 is, like Hummer itself, very dead.

But the important question is what happens to the Marauder

when you put the same amount of explosives underneath it?

Right, well, clearly, what has happened here is there was a fight

between the Marauder and the earth, and the earth lost and the explosives have just dug a big hole.

The question is, can it still be driven?

OK, fingers crossed.

ENGINE STRUGGLES

ENGINE STARTS

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

That was definitely an inconvenience but really nothing more.

Oh, yeah.

This is the pretty little village of Chilham in Kent.

And careful planning means all of the houses are still very lovely.

But look here. The owner of this house wouldn't be allowed

by the planners to fit uPVC windows or stone cladding, but he's allowed to festoon

the parking space outside his house with a hideous Chrysler PT Cruiser.

It makes no sense.

If I had my way, only one car would be allowed in a village as lovely as this.

A car that, this year, is celebrating its 50th birthday.

The beguiling, bewitching, beautiful

E-type Jag.

Over the years, there have been many pretty cars.

But Enzo Ferrari described the E-type as the prettiest of them all.

And what makes that extraordinary is that it was shaped at night

in a rudimentary early-days wind tunnel that used so much electricity

it could only be operated when the rest of the country was asleep.

And everyone was still asleep when the car itself was tested

because the only place where they could actually run it up to its 149 mph top speed

was at 5am on the M1.

It was on one of those high-speed runs they discovered the roof

would flap about so,

to weigh it down, a string of lead shot was sewn into the canvas.

And there was a similar make-do-and-mend attitude to the rear suspension.

The chief engineer was given just a month to design an entirely new system.

The boss, Sir William Lyons, bet him a fiver he couldn't do it.

He did, and Jag used exactly the same set-up for the next 25 years.

Lyons, in fact, was completely underwhelmed by the finished product.

He didn't like the look of the back end and didn't think it would sell. He was wrong.

Because when the E-type was unveiled at the Geneva Motor Show in March 1961,

it was an instant hit.

Such was demand for test drives that a second demonstrator

was driven through the night from the factory in Coventry to Switzerland.

And this is that very car.

OK, let's see what the old girl can do.

I know it's genesis, I know this is the very first convertible E-type ever,

but I have to find out what it's like when we give it some noise.

Oh-ho-ho!

Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Can you imagine what it must have been like in 1961?

You've been to the bakery, you've queued for a week for a loaf of bread, you're on your way home

in black-and-white in your Humber and you were overtaken by one of these.

It must have been staggering.

"What was that?!"

It's the same age, this car and me, give or take.

It has aged better.

Still looks good.

But it wasn't just the looks that astonished everyone back in 1961.

Back then, the equivalent Ferrari or Maserati was £6,000. A little bit more, in fact.

This was £2,098, and this,

thanks to its 3.8 litre straight-six engine, was faster.

Oh-ho-ho!

This is just heaven.

Even by today's standards, that's a lot of go.

Small wonder the E-type became a must-have accessory for the jet set.

Princess Grace, Steve McQueen, Tony Curtis,

Britt Ekland, Frank Sinatra, George Best,

Roy Orbison, Charlton Heston, Count Basie.

They all had E-type Jags.

No car before ever caused such a stir

and no car has since, really.

Until now.

This is called the Eagle Speedster.

Made by a small engineering company in Sussex, it looks like an E-type.

It's even based on an E-type but there have been some changes.

The aluminium body is deeper,

the windscreen is lower and more steeply raked.

The wheels are new, and the tyres, and the brakes.

And the interior.

If someone had come to me asking for planning permission to alter

an E-type Jaguar, I'd have said no, don't be stupid, you'll mess it up!

But they haven't.

I think this, by a long way, is the most beautiful car I've ever seen.

It might actually be the most beautiful THING I've ever seen.

And the surgery isn't just cosmetic.

Under the bonnet there's a fuel-injected 4.7 litre straight-six

which sends its power to the rear wheels through a five-speed gearbox and an aluminium differential.

As a result of all the aluminium, which doesn't weigh very much,

this has a better power-to-weight ratio than a Porsche 911 Turbo,

and, as a result of that, it can do 0 - 60 in 5 seconds.

Flat out, it'll do 160.

-And then there's the noise.

-ENGINE ROARS

Ha-ha-ha!

It's spitting fire.

It's a spitfire! That's what it is.

The looks, the noise!

This, to me, is...

absolute perfection.

I'll put my hand on my heart and say here and now

I've never ever driven a car, ever, that I've wanted more than this one.

I yearn to have it.

There is, however, a problem.

Because every single piece of this car, pretty much, was hand-made,

the price is fantastic.

Enormous. Eye-watering.

I didn't know numbers went this high, but it turns out they do, so sit down, I'm going to say it.

Here we go. The Eagle Speedster...

..is half a million pounds. Half a million.

That's a lot for a toy. A car that doesn't even have a roof.

But this is more than a toy.

It's a modern take on the E-type Jag.

And the E-type, with the possible exception of Concorde,

is almost certainly the last truly great thing Britain made.

I think we should be more proud of it than we actually are.

Its 50th birthday was marked by a small piece on page 16 of the Daily Telegraph

and I don't think that's right, which is why I've organised something a little more substantial.

-BAND PLAYS

-I've organised something which recognises that this is the soul,

the spirit, the beating heart of all that we can be.

The E-type isn't a plucky Brit that's happy to come home second, it wouldn't be humiliated by Barcelona.

It wouldn't simply wave Sebastian Vettel by.

And if you asked an E-type to organise a royal wedding,

it wouldn't ferry the guests to Westminster Abbey in a fleet of minibuses.

The E-type doesn't know what a minibus is.

Every country has an icon.

The great nation of France has the big brown pylon in the middle of Paris.

Australia has a rock.

The Belgians have a urinating infant.

Well this, I put it to you, is ours.

Our Jerusalem, our chariot of fire, the maypole around which the people

of this funny little rock in the North Atlantic can gather, to remind ourselves

that, once upon a time, we really were as great...

..as we think we are now.

ENGINE FAILS

It won't start.

APPLAUSE

A stirring but nicely understated tribute there, I thought.

But you said something that worried me - with the possible exception of Concorde,

the E-type was the last great thing Britain made. Is that right?

Can you think of anything we've made since which you go, "that's a world-beater"?

The E-type was a third the price of the Ferrari, as I said, and faster, and better-looking.

The only thing I can think that even gets close really is Monty Python, that moved the world on.

What about those vacuum cleaners with no bags in them?

We invented those and they're pretty good, they're clever.

Hammond, I'm not sure that, in 50 years' time, people will be having

a big birthday party on Beachy Head with people going, "These Dysons are brilliant!"

I'm not sure that's going to happen.

-Moving on, the Eagle Speedster - is it really that good?

-Look at it.

Seriously, just look at it.

It's beautiful to behold, yes, but how can it really be worth

five times more than an immaculate original E-type?

I can demonstrate that, Hammond.

I can demonstrate that because, if I step in here, OK? Listen.

ENGINE FAILS

LAUGHTER

ENGINE STARTS

CHEERING

It starts.

On that bombshell, it's time to end.

Thank you very much for watching. Good night!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd