Episode 3 Boom Town


Episode 3

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hiya, my name's Cream.

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Means...

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Don't forget that.

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Hey yo, what up? It's your boy Cream.

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Creaming it up once again.

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Now, next week I'm going to be in the World Record Books

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on my new tour, but this week I'm going to be kicking it

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with some different type of books,

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in my new part-time job in the library.

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Gangster style.

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Also, to pay my Mums her rent.

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Got to keep Mums happy, you know what I'm saying?

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HE CHUCKLES

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Boy, Ted, you get up to some funny shit, boy.

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I mean you straight up gangster, that's what I'm talking about.

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RAP MUSIC PLAYS

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RAP RINGTONE PLAYS

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Shh.

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Oh, my bad. My bad, sorry.

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Shh, shh...

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HE BEATBOXES

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Hello, Joel the plane spotter here.

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We start at my usual spot, plane spotting, looking for a Boeing 747.

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Please enjoy.

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# Highway to the danger zone. #

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That's not the plane, that's a 757.

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That's not the airplane.

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We're still waiting for a 747.

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May my spell and bidding be done.

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May my spell and bidding be done.

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So may it be known!

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# Oh, oh, oh, it's magic

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# You know

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# Never believe it's not so. #

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Hello there.

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-Hello.

-I've been recommended very highly to this specific shop.

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I've flown all the way from Egypt this morning, er,

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terrible congestion up there on the witch, um, roads.

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I wonder, have you got a-a very basic phone that I could look at?

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-Sure. This is as basic as it gets.

-OK.

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I mean would this phone actually operate, er,

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on the spirit-realm band?

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-Um, no.

-No?

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So I wouldn't be able to pick up dead people on here?

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I don't know.

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It's like, they get these very cheap, you see,

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they don't need a contract up there.

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-OK.

-Yeah.

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Tell me, on-on ringtones, have you got the Ancient Sumerian, um,

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death chant?

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I don't have that particular one, but I'm sure there's a website

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you could download it directly to your phone.

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That would be from hell.

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-Yeah, try it.

-Yes.

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I'm thinking about the iPhone 792, er, which I've seen in the future.

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-I wonder if...

-Right.

-Have you got one of those in stock yet?

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No.

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# Ooh

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# I wanna rub you down

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# I wanna sex you up. #

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Oh, yeah!

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I'm a love god.

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MUSIC: "Boyfriend" by Justin Bieber

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# I'd like to be everything you want

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# Hey girl, let me talk to you

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# If I was your boyfriend I'd never let you go

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# Keep you on my arm girl you'd never be alone

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# I can be a gentleman anything you want

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# If I was your boyfriend I'd never let you go

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# I'd never let you go... #

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MACHINE BEEPS

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SHE LAUGHS

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Argh...

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Ugh! Argh! Ugh!

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Oh...!

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Augh.

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# Make me come alive

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# Come on and turn me on

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# Touch me, save my life

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# Come on and turn me on

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# Turn me on. #

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-Hi.

-Hello.

-How are you?

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Very well. I'm Michel.

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-Hi, nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

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-Er, my name is Talina.

-Hi, Talina.

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I'm just very dark, dark sky,

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nothing special, very simple.

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Would you like to add some stars to make me shiny?

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Do you know what I mean?

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-With this, we can do anything you want.

-Mm-hm.

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-It's an amazing diamond.

-OK.

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It's one of those diamonds you'll never see again.

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It's naturally green, they almost don't exist.

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-This one?

-Yeah.

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I can see your hands trembling looking at it.

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-Yes. Yes.

-That's a good sign.

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No, no, I have very big hands.

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-OK.

-I always drop everything.

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Do you know, my ex husband, he bought very expensive watch,

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he gave it to me like "Talina, have a look," and I broke it.

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-Can you imagine?

-That's not good.

-I mean...

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I do really have very big hands, but I have very strong legs.

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-OK.

-So, that's why...

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Do you know, I think this one, it looks really good

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and you know, it has like greenish and a goldish colour.

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-That's right.

-It could be a bit more green.

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-Mm.

-And you know I have green eyes.

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Er, er, I've just noticed, yes.

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Er, and I think it will suit your jumper.

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It will suit my jumper, OK.

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Do you know, I think we both like green colour.

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We do like green colour, it's beautiful.

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-I think we already have something in common.

-Mm.

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# If you want it I'm gonna be

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# Va va voom, voom

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# If you got it you got it

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# You got that boom, boom. #

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So, what are we doing with the haircut today?

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I'd like, just, like, a little bit taken off the sides,

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maybe a bit smaller on top.

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OK, what, for work, on a day-to-day basis?

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Um, yeah, day-to-day and work.

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-Oh, what do you do for a living?

-Well, um, I'll show you if you like.

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# I see you over there so hypnotic

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# Thinking 'bout what I'd do to that body

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# I'd get you like, ooh... #

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MUSIC CUTS OUT

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SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

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# Baby baby-ooh baby baby

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# A-ooh baby baby-ooh baby baby

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# And I've tried to fight it to fight it

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# But you're so magnetic magnetic

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# Got one life, just live it just live it... #

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-MUSIC CUTS OUT

-Oh, God!

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Oh, God, oh...

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# Yeah

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# Let me know and I'll take you there

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# Get you going like, ooh

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# Baby baby-ooh baby baby

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# A-ooh baby baby-ooh baby baby

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# If you wanna scream... #

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-MUSIC CUTS OUT

-So you're a stripper?

-Yeah.

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Oh, OK.

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So what do you think, bit off the sides?

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Yeah. Cut it... we'll cut it quite short.

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# He's here, he's queer he takes it up the rear

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# It's gotta be Ali! #

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# Whoa-oh

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# I swear you're giving me a heart attack. #

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Right everyone,

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we're going to do something different today in art class.

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Everyone, this is Francois.

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Pen to paper, please, people.

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Doesn't he look pretty sitting there, doesn't he?

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This is how we should be, isn't it?

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This is how we're born, this is how we die.

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Some sooner than others in this room.

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MAN SNORES

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So, do you live locally?

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No? No, me, I'm just up the road.

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Francois, could you turn around a little bit for me, please?

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Just to your right.

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Keep going.

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Keep going.

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Again. Again.

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Yeah, that's got it.

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Just move your arm Francois, just so I can just...

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Had a bit of trouble, forgetting what your nipple looked like.

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Ooh, they're like football studs.

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That's it, that's it, just see if I've got the right angle, there.

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Turn to the right there Francois,

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I'm just going to... fill in some gaps.

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Talking of gap-filling, I've got a lovely...

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CAR HORN BLARES

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Still waiting.

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RAP MUSIC PLAYS

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I love this one.

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That's what I'm talking about.

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MUSIC CUTS OUT

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RAP MUSIC PLAYS

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That's what I'm talking about.

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Hi, my name's Dorota. I am exclusive lady.

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Today I am acting as a scene as a president.

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Who are you? What you are doing in my office?

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I am XJ99,

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I am prince alien from planet Mars,

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and I have come here to take your planet.

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Winner takes it all.

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Hold on a minute, you are joking.

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I am not joking because I want word with you,

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because I want human blood.

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Oh, God, please be kind for us.

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Kindness? What is kindness?

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Kindness is like love.

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Love! What is love?

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Ahh!

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What a strange sensation. That is called love?

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Ah, what a strange beautiful smell. What is this?

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Perfume.

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Perfume! Very nice thing.

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You must open schools for us.

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You must teach us what is love.

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Mm...yes, we can open school for you.

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Goodbye.

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In that case, I am leaving you now and I'll come back after one week.

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So, goodbye.

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Goodbye.

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And we see that love conquers all, even aliens.

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Thank you.

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Um, what about 60 Minute Makeover?

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-Oh, no way do they make the...

-No.

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Do them houses up in 60 minutes, that's impossible.

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Not in 60 minutes, no way.

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-That isn't possible.

-No.

-Well they, really...

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Probably they edit it, and then make it, like, 60 seconds.

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-Yeah, that's probably what they do.

-Cos the paint's got to dry,

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-and...got to put all the furniture and...

-Yeah, I know.

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I'd say it takes about a week, at least.

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-At least, yeah.

-Maybe more.

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# I'm beautiful in my way

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# Cos God makes no mistakes

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# I'm on the right track, baby

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# I was born this way

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# I'm on the right track, baby

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# I was born this way. #

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CAR HORN BLARES

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CRASH

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-I'm a designer.

-Right.

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-My name is Afro-British Gaga.

-OK.

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And I have got a very good outfit which I think you'd like

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as a uniform for your employees.

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-Right.

-Let me just er, grab it from here.

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Ooh...

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-No, no, no, no, no!

-Here we go!

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-What is that?

-Looking good here...

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Right. See, I'm already taking you somewhere.

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-Sanitary pads.

-Uh-huh.

-Who doesn't know them?

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-Mm-hm.

-Everybody knows them.

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-Everyone knows them.

-Men, women.

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But to put in mind to actually see them er, is a, a very good outfit.

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Don't put it on your head!

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Yes, you can actually wear it like this.

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It's cool, yeah.

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You see, the Duchess of Cambridge, yeah?

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And, er, this now, you'll have to put some pins, er, here.

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-Do you want me to help you?

-Yes.

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But don't poke into my skin please.

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-Because you don't have to...

-I'd never want you to look silly!

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Right, you've got it.

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You see the belt, put it here.

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-I'm putting on these sanitary pads

-Yeah.

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You can rip them off, use them.

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It's eye-catching.

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Look at me, please.

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Yeah, I am, I am looking right at you!

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Look, these are my old friends.

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It's great to see you all.

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How are you?

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Isn't it lucky to encounter our fellow lovey-doveys in our journeys?

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The lioness and the lion,

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they've been sharing a great deal of raw cows.

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How far does one have to travel, to...

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HE MAKES KISSY NOISE

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# Oh, give me land

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# Lots of land under starry skies above

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# Don't fence me in

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# Let me ride through the wide open country that I love

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# Don't fence me in

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# Let me be by myself in the evening breeze

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# Listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees

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# Send me off forever

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# But I ask you please

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# Don't fence me in

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# Just turn me loose let me straddle my old saddle

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# Underneath the western skies

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# On my cayuse let me wander over yonder

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# Till I see the mountains rise

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# I wanna ride to the ridge where the west commences

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# Gaze at the moon till I lose my senses

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# Can't look at hovels and I can't stand fences

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# Don't fence me in. #

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Hmm, not really sure where this road goes to or where it comes from,

0:16:100:16:12

but don't panic, help is at hand, with this foldable drawing

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of all the local roads and names I call a map.

0:16:160:16:19

Time for the finger of awesomeness and the thumb of power.

0:16:200:16:24

# Where have you been all my life? #

0:16:240:16:27

Hello, guys, you're just in time.

0:16:300:16:32

I've just been taking a virus off my computer

0:16:320:16:34

and optimising my hard drive, and it got me thinking, you know,

0:16:340:16:37

when was the last time that you decided to optimise YOUR hard drive,

0:16:370:16:39

that internal computer that's your brain?

0:16:390:16:42

Isn't it time to take those negative thoughts out of your life,

0:16:420:16:45

embrace yourself and step into a bright new future?

0:16:450:16:48

Now here's an idea, give it a go.

0:16:480:16:50

-PENCIL CLATTERS ON FLOOR

-Oh...

0:16:550:16:56

I'm really sorry.

0:16:560:16:58

Would you mind getting that, Francois, for me, please?

0:16:580:17:01

No, it's OK, Bert, you mind your hips.

0:17:030:17:05

You mind your hips, Bert, cos I know you've just got out of hospital.

0:17:050:17:08

Yeah, Bert, Bert, leave it, Francois will get it.

0:17:080:17:10

Drop it, Bert!

0:17:100:17:12

Thanks very much for that.

0:17:120:17:13

Oh, that was really kind of you to help him, Bert.

0:17:130:17:16

Look, they're all nodded off,

0:17:180:17:19

that just leaves, er, me and you, Francois.

0:17:190:17:22

Maybe do you want to turn this way a bit?

0:17:220:17:25

I've done the back area, probably now time for the front,

0:17:250:17:28

best till last, you know.

0:17:280:17:29

Just, er, move that there like that.

0:17:300:17:33

Little sweaty there.

0:17:340:17:36

Yeah, that's got it.

0:17:380:17:41

Now we're cooking on gas.

0:17:420:17:44

Lovely, Francois.

0:17:440:17:45

PENCIL LEAD SNAPS

0:17:470:17:48

Hmm, it's got a funny aura.

0:17:520:17:54

Do you mind if I do a quick...

0:17:540:17:56

-little exorcism on it?

-Go ahead, yeah.

0:17:560:17:59

Dark spirits of this realm, begone from this phone on this day.

0:17:590:18:03

HE CHANTS

0:18:030:18:09

So may it be done!

0:18:090:18:10

So may it be done!

0:18:120:18:15

Ah, that feels better. Yeah, so give this a test.

0:18:160:18:20

Er, could you er, actually call me and leave a message inside my head?

0:18:200:18:25

I've actually got a SIM card implanted.

0:18:250:18:27

OK, what's the number?

0:18:270:18:29

666...

0:18:290:18:30

..66...

0:18:310:18:33

666.

0:18:330:18:36

-Ah, I'm ringing.

-Hello.

0:18:360:18:38

-Hello.

-You can hear me?

-I can hear you very, very clearly.

0:18:380:18:41

-I can hear you clearly too.

-Yes.

0:18:410:18:45

-OK, thank you.

-OK, thanks. Bye.

-Bye.

0:18:450:18:47

Still waiting.

0:18:500:18:52

# You know I said it's true

0:19:000:19:02

-# You know I said

-I said I said I said

0:19:020:19:05

# You know I said it's true

0:19:120:19:15

# I can feel the love

0:19:150:19:16

# Can you feel it too?

0:19:160:19:18

# I can feel it ah-ah

0:19:180:19:20

# I can feel it ah-ah... #

0:19:200:19:23

Oh, my God!

0:19:230:19:25

Do you like the way I move?

0:19:270:19:28

No.

0:19:280:19:30

I move just like this outside of the gym,

0:19:300:19:32

in a more, like, padded bedroom area.

0:19:320:19:35

Oh, yeah!

0:19:390:19:42

Ooh!

0:19:420:19:43

# Na na na

0:19:430:19:46

# No no no no... #

0:19:460:19:50

CROW CAWS

0:19:580:19:59

Could be a long day, Ronnie.

0:20:050:20:07

MUSIC: "Get Hyper" by Droideka

0:20:070:20:10

# Get hyper. #

0:20:100:20:11

Today, it's all about toast.

0:20:130:20:17

It's my favourite food.

0:20:170:20:19

Britain, we need to start eating toast.

0:20:190:20:22

MUSIC: "Get Hyper" by Droideka

0:20:220:20:27

This should bring the crowds in.

0:20:270:20:29

I'm going to be pinning this to the chimney breast.

0:20:320:20:35

Toast is a good product for art because it's so versatile.

0:20:380:20:43

Could be the pyramids,

0:20:470:20:49

minus all the pyramids apart from one.

0:20:490:20:52

Edith...

0:20:530:20:55

likes a drop of toast.

0:20:550:20:57

Daphne's not bothered.

0:20:570:20:59

We're trying to convert Daphne.

0:20:590:21:02

And I'm inviting customers to come in to toast their own,

0:21:020:21:07

as long as they bring their own condiments,

0:21:070:21:09

but they will be under supervision.

0:21:090:21:11

I think we could make beautiful pendant.

0:21:160:21:19

What we'd do is we'd have a few diamonds

0:21:190:21:21

which get bigger and bigger,

0:21:210:21:23

yet the diamond at the end is the sort of diamond

0:21:230:21:25

you'll never see, so it would be totally fantastic.

0:21:250:21:29

Er, do you think, can you do it for me?

0:21:290:21:31

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

0:21:310:21:32

And, er, so it shall be like a long one around my - like...

0:21:320:21:36

-Yeah.

-Like this, and, like, around everywhere...

-Yes.

0:21:360:21:39

And like, small, this one here.

0:21:390:21:41

Here, absolutely. That'd be beautiful.

0:21:410:21:44

-I think...

-It's totally worked.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

0:21:440:21:46

-Are you sure you really want to do it for me?

-Yes.

0:21:460:21:48

Oh, of course I do. Of course I do.

0:21:480:21:50

Cos I don't really mind to accept your present

0:21:500:21:54

-because you know, I think we have many things in common.

-Mm, yes.

0:21:540:21:58

And I think we can be really, really good friend.

0:21:580:22:00

-I will have to charge for it.

-Because you know...

0:22:000:22:02

To be honest, I don't think, like, I have to worry about the price.

0:22:020:22:06

-Mm.

-Why I should worry about the price?

0:22:060:22:09

I don't think I should care.

0:22:090:22:11

I think, like, once you have, like, right, clever man,

0:22:110:22:16

-you don't need to care.

-Mm-hm.

0:22:160:22:18

But if you want you can tell me,

0:22:180:22:19

I feel like you really want to tell me.

0:22:190:22:22

Funnily enough, yes, I do.

0:22:220:22:23

But to be honest, it doesn't really matter.

0:22:230:22:25

Um, well, no, of course not, but, um...

0:22:250:22:28

the diamond as it stands would be 1.2 million, so...

0:22:280:22:31

It's all right, it's not a big deal.

0:22:310:22:33

Good. Well, that's a relief.

0:22:330:22:36

I'm OK, we can go for it.

0:22:360:22:37

-You up for that? Shall we go for that?

-Yes.

-OK.

-Yes.

0:22:370:22:40

So, you can do what you want to do

0:22:400:22:42

and, obviously I, I agree to accept it from you.

0:22:420:22:45

Um, we normally we take a deposit of 250,000.

0:22:450:22:49

-Sure, it shouldn't be no problem at all.

-Mm.

0:22:490:22:51

I-I agree to accept your present, it's fine.

0:22:510:22:54

Well, yes, shall I give you, um... the credit card machine, or...?

0:22:540:23:00

Yeah, sure, but actually, to be honest,

0:23:000:23:03

I expect you to get it for me.

0:23:030:23:05

Yes, er, I think that might be a problem.

0:23:050:23:08

My heart is full of love.

0:23:080:23:11

I'm sure I can trust you.

0:23:110:23:13

JAZZ BASS PLAYS

0:23:190:23:20

I see lots of things in the toast, see visions.

0:23:200:23:25

It could be the moon.

0:23:270:23:28

It could be a mountain range.

0:23:300:23:32

MUSIC: "Get Hyper" by Droideka

0:23:320:23:33

# Get hyper...

0:23:330:23:35

# Get hyper. #

0:23:400:23:41

Do you want a bit, Dusty?

0:23:430:23:44

Get stuck into that.

0:23:470:23:48

Practicality, if you were bending to do a treatment, would it fall off?

0:23:510:23:55

No. It's just like the Queen,

0:23:550:23:56

if she bends her head down the crown won't fall off.

0:23:560:23:59

-Right.

-So it'll be...

-But to be fair,

0:23:590:24:02

that's not made of sanitary towels, is it?

0:24:020:24:05

Oh, look at when I walk.

0:24:050:24:08

It follows your curves beautifully. It's lovely.

0:24:100:24:14

Every day people will talk about you.

0:24:140:24:17

But in a good way? No.

0:24:170:24:19

-Yes, defi... Yes.

-Not so much, not so much.

-In a good way.

0:24:190:24:23

How much would I pay for this?

0:24:230:24:26

This one, because it's very, very unique, you, as you can see,

0:24:260:24:30

it is something which has never ever been done.

0:24:300:24:34

Ever, ever been done before!

0:24:340:24:36

-Never at all.

-Yeah.

0:24:360:24:37

Exactly, and you will definitely know that it's only you

0:24:370:24:40

and your staff.

0:24:400:24:41

-That'll be two grand.

-Two... No!

0:24:410:24:44

-Two grand, what can you say?

-Shut up!

0:24:440:24:47

Hi, my name is Dorota. I am exclusive lady.

0:24:470:24:50

Today I acting in scene...

0:24:500:24:52

is investigation.

0:24:520:24:54

Now I'm going to play the role of the...of the reptilian.

0:25:030:25:08

Thank you.

0:25:080:25:09

RATTLING AND GROWLING

0:25:160:25:20

Wooo...

0:25:200:25:22

HE GROANS AND SHOUTS

0:25:290:25:32

INCOMPREHENSIBLE SHOUTING

0:25:410:25:46

INCOMPREHENSIBLE SHOUTING

0:25:540:25:57

HE WHIMPERS AND SHOUTS

0:26:030:26:05

Nooo!

0:26:050:26:07

So, that is how the story ends.

0:26:070:26:10

Still waiting.

0:26:200:26:21

British Airways Boeing 757.

0:26:230:26:29

But that's not the airplane I'm looking for.

0:26:330:26:36

There it is. That's definitely the 747.

0:26:390:26:42

That's definitely the 747 that just take off...over our heads.

0:26:490:26:53

Hope you enjoyed that.

0:26:540:26:55

# You know I said it's true

0:27:020:27:04

# You know I said it's true... # HE GRUNTS

0:27:040:27:07

# You know I said it's true

0:27:110:27:13

# I can feel the love

0:27:130:27:14

# Can you feel it too?

0:27:140:27:15

# I can feel ah ah

0:27:150:27:18

# I can feel ah ah ah ah ah

0:27:180:27:23

# I can feel it. #

0:27:330:27:34

What is wrong with you?

0:27:400:27:41

Agh!

0:27:430:27:44

Baby, you're making me wet already.

0:27:440:27:47

Woo!

0:27:470:27:48

# It's the B to the O to the O-M Town

0:27:480:27:52

# Crazy-ass people all around

0:27:520:27:54

# Jump around to the funky sound

0:27:540:27:57

-# Girls tickin' fine as we get down

-Welcome everybody to my city

0:27:570:28:02

# Now let's get down here to the nitty gritty

0:28:020:28:05

# It's the B to the O to the O-M Town

0:28:050:28:08

# Crazy-ass people all around. #

0:28:080:28:10

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:100:28:13

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