Episode 1 Can't Touch This

One rule - touch the prize, win the prize.

But doing that takes a whole load of this...

KLAXON

A ridiculous amount of this...

HE GROANS

And absolutely masses of this...

This is...

BOTH: Can't Touch This!

Hello, I'm Zoe Ball.

And I'm Ashley Banjo, and welcome to Can't Touch This.

We have a mass of super prizes and a mass of equally super contestants

limbering up and working out, ready to go all out to win.

That's right, because this isn't one of those shows where you get

all the goodies for answering ridiculously difficult questions

like, what's Ashley Banjo's middle name?

Oh, I know this one! It's Modurotolu.

Right answer, Zoe. That's impressive!

But no prizes because on this show to win it, you have to touch it.

And the one plucky soul that makes it through to the end will have

the chance to try and get their hands on our star prize -

a brand-new car.

That's right, brand-new and untouched by human hands.

But who is in the running, the jumping, and the falling over

to win it tonight?

Let's ask the voice of the oracle, the woman with all the answers -

it's Sue Perkins.

Yes! Let's meet them.

They are brave.

They are bold.

Most importantly, they are insured.

Tonight, these mighty warriors will attempt to make their families,

if not their country, proud.

Within their ranks, a yummy daddy from Cardiff.

A belly dancer from Hull.

And this guy!

SHE GROWLS

He's awesome.

They're all hoping they can touch this tonight.

And it all starts here.

The catapult sends our contestants on a short but exhilarating flight

into a foam pit.

Then it's on to the Travelator.

High above is the first touch point.

Touch it and bank a robotic vacuum cleaner.

Think R2-D2 with a brush attachment.

Also on the Travelator, the second touch point,

which banks an epic trip for two to Barcelona.

Ah, the Taj Mahal!

But, one misstep here and you're in for a dunking.

Then it's a short trip to Stack 'Em High.

Just build a tower to reach touch point number three,

and bank a top-of-the-range 3D printer.

I've printed my very own Harry Styles!

Then take the mighty pole across the water to the beam.

Dodge the swinging punch bags to reach the fourth touch point

and you'll have arrived at your rather fancy sat nav.

Next, it's down the slide, to the two swinging touch points

which bank a smoothie maker and some Bluetooth speakers.

I don't know why a smoothie maker needs Bluetooth speakers

but, oh, the sound of kale...

And the last touch point stops the clock

and banks a luxury pan set - that's right, a luxury pan set.

For each touch point they miss, they get a 30-second penalty.

Whoever gets through to the end of the show gets the chance

to win what they've banked.

Don't blame me, them's the rules.

So, that's Round 1. About as easy as knitting while ski jumping.

And don't try that at home.

In fact, don't try anything you see tonight at home.

Let's find out which lucky contestant is waiting to

kick things off.

Say hello to Stewart.

He's a retired businessman from Lisburn and he's 62. 62?!

Stewart, you gave up work so that you could travel the world.

You've been to 74 countries.

How are you going to travel the course today?

With great difficulty, I would imagine.

But I'll certainly go down with all guns blazing.

Hang on - is that a walking stick?

Nothing to see here,

just a 62-year-old man who uses a walking stick...

in a human catapult.

Start the clock!

KLAXON

STUART SHRIEKS

Well, he's out of the foam and off to the Travelator.

-He looks good.

-He's incredibly fit for his age.

This first touch point banks a robotic vacuum cleaner.

And I have no idea what that does.

No walking stick now.

Banked! Flattened.

Is he up?

Wet!

The next touch point is the trip to Barcelona.

Come on, Stewart, you can do it!

Stewart!

Stewart, you're amazing!

MUSIC: I Like To Move It by Reel 2 Real

You all right, Stu?

Stack 'Em High now.

All Stewart has to do is stack the blocks up to the next touch point

to bank that 3D printer.

I should point out, it's just the printer that is 3D.

Just prints in normal black and white!

People are looking at him there with his walking stick, and you may have made assumptions.

Well, have I proved you wrong?

Where are ya?

THEY LAUGH

Now off to The Wall Of Do-ooo-om!

Oh, might have to change the name of that.

Time for a quick Brucie moment.

Nice to see you...

But it's not nice to see this -

the pole-vault.

I don't think I can watch.

Well, maybe I can.

It's probably going to be very funny.

-No chance!

-No chance!

STEWART SHRIEKS

And that, children, is the law of friction.

-How you doing, Stewart?

-It's cold!

-Cold. Sorry about that!

-Yeah, a bit cold!

Off to the beam now for the sat nav.

And by beam, I mean...

Punchbags!

The touch point is just under the beam.

Of course it is!

Ah, he's employing the classic Steptoe technique here.

Good thinking.

Straight past three!

And he's banked it.

-THEY GROAN

-He's off.

-Oh, no!

Gutted!

Come on, Stewart, you're setting the standard.

It's just the slide now,

with the smoothie maker and Bluetooth speakers.

Should we call a doctor?

And... Oh, he's missed them both!

He won't be able to hear his fruit being blended in surround sound.

And the last touch point stops the clock and banks the luxury pan set.

Five prizes banked and only two 30-second penalties to add

brings his total time to 6:29 -

the time to beat!

Stewart, come over.

STEWART MUMBLES

You are brilliant! How are you feeling?

You're a little bit worse for wear.

How do I look?

Well, a little bit wet, a little bit tired.

I applied for this show 40 years ago.

And I can tell you...

I am never going to use a second-class stamp again!

Say hello to Fearless Amy.

She's...fearless?

Amy, you once swam with sharks.

Do you think today might be any easier?

The sharks didn't faze me, so I doubt this will.

Oh, really? Many have said that!

Good luck, off you go to the catapult.

Fearless Amy came on this show to have fun.

What was she thinking?

Fire!

AMY SCREAMS

MUSIC: Girls Just Want To Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper

ZOE AND ASHLEY GROAN

Great start! That's the robotic vacuum cleaner banked.

It was no trip to Barcelona,

but Stack 'Em High is looking good.

Clearly, Amy has no fear of heights, either.

And she has banked the 3D printer.

So, technically, she could print her own car and just go home now.

Now, she's on the stack. Can she get up the wall?

Look at that, good work!

Loving it, Amy.

Good work, Amy. Nice work.

Go on, Amy.

-How's she going to do the pole vault?

-Charge!

This should be fun.

Oh, sorry - I meant painful.

I mean, fun if you like your pelvis being shattered by a steel pole.

You all right?

Still, she's smiling.

Through the tears...

She's not given up!

Right.

On to the beam now for the sat nav.

Tentative steps.

Oh!

Banked!

Oh! And that's has put her hip back into alignment.

So, you won't need the osteopath after all, Amy.

Fearless Amy on the slide now.

Come on...

And...

Oh, she misses the smoothie maker and the Bluetooth speakers!

But she is banking the pan set and stops the clock.

We've added three 30-second time penalties, which gives her

a final time of 5:53.

How are you?

Oh, my God, that was so much fun!

Oh... Yes! That is not what I expected you to say.

But it was fun? You enjoyed it?

It was really fun, but...

-Your sisters will be proud.

-A little.

-Maybe a little bit jealous, I know you're all very competitive.

-Yeah, really competitive.

-I hope we see you in the next round. Well done.

-Thanks.

This is Paul.

Since he turned 50, Paul's become a bit of a risk-taker.

And what's more risky than being fired out of a human catapult?

Release him!

KLAXON

-THEY CHUCKLE

-So good!

-Come on, Paul.

-Right, come on, Paul.

-All in red.

MUSIC: Jump In The Line (Shake Senora) by Harry Belafonte

HE GROANS

Oh, close!

Yes, but it was worth the risk.

Trip to Barcelona now.

And banked! Ole!

..is the name of my second cousin(!)

Paul raced through Stack 'Em High and banked the 3D printer.

Look at him, he looks so focused.

But it might be trapped wind...

LOUD THUD

Well, Paul, you did say you were a risk taker.

This ladder's designed to hold him up.

And it really is!

Paul??

Yes, the rope ladder is there to help you up.

You take your time. We'll... We'll come back.

Say hello to Sukh.

He looks confident!

Cowabunga!

Oh, poetry in motion.

-Apparently Sukh is a bit of a mover.

-Oh, really?

Is he like a secret bedroom dancer?

Apparently, he is a good singer and dancer on the side.

Hopefully we'll get a flash of that when he's on the Travelator.

Sukh, with the agility of a people carrier.

SHE GROANS

Oh!

Congratulations, you've got the vacuum and...

mild concussion.

Now, I'm no doctor, but I'm sure that was his coccyx going.

Let's get another dancer in there!

Meet Lydia,

a dancing princess who dreams of glory, prizes and snowmen.

She's 36.

-Now, Lydia, you teach ballet, burlesque and belly dancing. Is that right?

-That is, yeah.

-Nice.

So, have you got some fancy moves prepared to get you round

the course today?

Maybe a few pirouettes, grand jetes and a shimmy?

OK, Lydia. Dance your heart out.

Oh. That wasn't very balletic, was it?

OK, there's my shimmy!

SHE SCREAMS

Ooh!

Not sure what you'd call that move.

She seems to have gone for more lake, less swan.

Sadly, no prizes banked for Lydia.

She'll have to do her own vacuuming.

Back to Sukh.

A good dancer needs balance - isn't that right, Sukh?

Oh!

MUSIC: Give It Up by KC & The Sunshine Band

He looks shattered already.

Yes! He banked the 3D printer. Good work, Sukh.

Good work, Sukh.

Wow! Strength from Lydia!

Lydia really wants that 3D printer.

For some reason.

Boom!

Boom, indeed! It's in the bank.

Sukh at the pole vault now.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Not as bad as he's feeling.!

In the water for Sukh.

Will Lydia be a better pole dancer than Sukh?

-Oh, look, a little shimmy.

-Yeah, a little shimmy.

A little bum shimmy there.

Don't celebrate too soon, Lydia.

Oh, dear me.

Oh!

-Oh, pointed toe.

-Pointed toe.

-Pointed toe.

-Good arch.

SHE SCREAMS

Hm. More a synchronised swimmer than a pole dancer.

Sukh not exactly doing the quickstep there.

MUSIC: I Don't Wanna Dance by Eddy Grant

One almighty charge, and I reckon he can do it.

We have lost him. We've lost Ash.

Man down.

Sukh has the sat nav in his sights.

But maybe watch the massive swinging bags instead?

I did say...

SHE GROANS

While Sukh enjoys the soft play area,

it is time for Lydia's beam work now.

Leading very much with the rear, there.

Oh, I think we all felt that.

Time for the Cha-Cha Slide...

Oh, and no joy!

However, Lydia banks the luxury pan set

and stops the clock with a total time of 8:53, including penalties.

I wasn't laughing when that punchbag got you on the bum.

We even got to see a bit of your moves. I think it was bogling?

I tried!

-Good skills. Well done, Lydia.

-Thank you!

And here's one dance move Sukh can't mess up.

Yet, he does.

We add four time penalties, giving Sukh a final time of 9:06.

But is it enough to dance his way into the top six?

How was that for you?

Exhilarating and tough.

Paul! Paul?

Your family are worried. They're wondering where you are!

Maybe move your other foot along?

Blimey. Can't feel my legs!

Meet Lewys - he's a yummy daddy from Cardiff.

How are you going to motivate yourself through our course?

I got married the year before last,

-and I've recently had a little baby boy called Ronnie.

-Congratulations.

So, basically I just want to make them as proud as possible.

MUSIC: Shut Up And Dance by Walk The Moon

-So...

-Yeah, easy!

Oh, go on, go on... Yes!

-Go on, can he bank the trip?

-Go on Lewys!

-THEY CHEER

-Yes, trip to Barcelona!

He is hot!

He is hot, and now he's cold.

-Oh, not quite.

-Not quite.

Will Stack 'Em High cause Lewys any problems?

No, that's the 3D printer banked.

Ah, like Ronnie's building blocks.

It's all come in handy!

That's one big baby.

Maybe he'll be the first to defeat the pole.

But, also, maybe he won't.

How's the water?

Great!

It's the beam now for Lewys.

Oh, and he's opted to hug the bag.

It could be the start of something.

Oh, Lewys, get flat, flat...

Get flat!

That's the satnav banked, and the beam spanked.

You heard!

And he banked the Bluetooth speakers.

He completed the course in 4:23.

Lewys, you've done your family proud.

You got them all except one, and you defeated the punchbags.

-Nailed it! It's a lot harder than it looks.

-It is.

Let's hope you have done that in enough time to get to Round 2.

-Hopefully.

-I think you deserve it.

-Thank you very much.

-Ronnie will be so proud of his papa.

-I hope so.

Hi, everyone.

Paul still seems to be learning the ropes... Ladder!

It's a rope ladder!

Come on, man, you can do it.

What's he doing?

The ladder is supposed to help.

Paul making an obstacle where there wasn't supposed to be one.

There wasn't supposed to be one. I know!

He's made it.

He's on the beam.

He's off the beam.

Let's go to the leader board.

Yummy-daddy Lewys races into first place with a time of 4:23.

And Paul, unsurprisingly, is bringing up the rear.

Although, once he coughs up that foam brick,

I think he could be a real contender.

Still to come on Can't Touch This...

The Smiling Assassin.

The Hopeless Romantic.

Tiny T.

And Mr Grumpy Pants.

Will any of them make the top six and go on to leap for that car?

This is Ellie.

She dreams of being a soap star.

and so we've made her dreams come true. In a way.

In this scene, Ellie shares a tense moment with a pole vault.

I think he's about to reveal he's not her real father.

HEART BEAT THROBS

Go on, Ellie, give it some welly!

EASTENDERS DUFF-DUFFS

To be continued.

Next up is Mike.

The British Bulldog,

versus Lana, the Irish Terrier.

Which one of these dog lovers will be best in show?

Let's find out.

Normally. Mike isn't allowed on the furniture.

But since this is a Crufts parody, we'll make an exception.

Launch him.

HE SHRIEKS

Great start for Mike. Good boy!

Now this first obstacle is where our puppies demonstrate

their walking and jumping skills.

Mike demonstrating neither there.

But time for a nice bath.

Oh! He so nearly saved himself.

And it's walkies for Lana.

Oh, well done. Bit of a thud.

-Oh, stopped herself there.

-Well done.

Oh, skill.

Drat.

Oh!

-Mike, oh!

-He nearly slid up to it.

They say every dog has its day.

For Mike, I think that day was probably yesterday.

No trip to Barcelona. Back in your basket.

Drat!

Now Lana's on Stack 'Em High.

This is where all that obedience training comes into its own.

And don't forget, every missed touch point

is 30 seconds on your time.

Fast and strong.

Fast, strong and great balance on the hind legs.

Top dog!

Mike on the beam.

It's all about balance.

-He keeps his balance.

-It brushed his belly.

-Oh.

-Ooh!

He's told those punchbags who's boss.

I love him!

Look at him. Like a dog with a bone...

who's let go of the bone.

Lana very light on her paws there.

-Nailed it.

-Nicely saved.

-Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, it just caught her on the tail. Lana missed the satnav

and the smoothie maker and Bluetooth speakers,

but she stopped the clock at 7.38 including penalties

and got the pan set.

Come on, champ.

Here he goes.

And Mike misses the last two touch points,

but he does stop the clock at 7:35, including penalties.

-Mike, how you doing, mate?

-Knackered.

-Are you knackered? Was that hard?

-That was very hard.

Now, Mike, I am majorly impressed.

You gave us some techniques that we have quite literally

never seen before on Can't Touch This.

What was the toughest part?

Probably the Travelator.

-It tires you out for the rest of the course.

-Cheers, Mike...

-Sorry!

Previously on Can't Touch This...

Go on, Ellie. Give it some welly.

You're on the telly.

In she goes...

to the beam.

Would you look at that? A ladder, done simply. As simple as that.

-See how simple a ladder can be?

-It's a ladder.

-Oh, she's attacking the beam.

-Whoo!

-Ooh!

-Oh, look at that!

No satnav for Ellie, but a career on the silver screen beckons.

Excellent floundering and foam acting.

This is Matt.

He's a zoologist and he talks to the animals.

-Now, Matt, you have over 100 animals at home.

-Mm-hm.

So which animal are you going to model yourself on today

to be successful?

I'm thinking, because of the change in environment,

I think I need to be a chameleon.

Good old, Matt. He even brought his own theme tune.

# Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon... #

Oh, that must be bad karma.

Here's Matt Doolittle at the pole.

He's banked the vacuum and 3D printer, so that's a fun night in.

HE SCREAMS

Maybe he'll have better luck on the beam?

Nope is the answer. No, he won't.

So Matt's proven that chameleons aren't great in water.

Are they any better on slides?

Yes, they are!

Three time penalties makes Matt's time

of 5:48 seconds enough to put him into the top six.

-How was that for you?

-Oh, I'm wrecked.

That was about 50 times more difficult

and I would have liked to get wet just maybe once.

-Not every single time.

-Yeah, instead of every single time.

And it's all change!

Chameleon Matt pushes Super Stewart into 4th place

and Mike and Ellie make it through, but Lana just misses a rosette.

Lydia, Sukh and Paul have been relegated.

Next up is Laura.

Don't let that smile fool you.

She'll kill for a pan set.

Now, Laura, you do some amazing work for charity.

But the question is, are you planning on being charitable

to the other contestants tonight?

Absolutely not! I'm definitely not Mother Teresa tonight.

No charity tonight. She means business.

This is Chris. He hates to lose.

Chris, you play golf and netball and apparently you are a bad loser.

-Is there any danger of us seeing a tantrum today?

-No!

I like him.

This should be interesting. Cue the music.

# Anything you can do I can do better

# I can do anything better than you

-# No, you can't

-Yes, I can!

-# No, you can't

-Yes, I can

-# No, you can't

-Yes, I can, yes, I can... #

So Chris got the vacuum and a dunking.

Can Laura do any better?

# No, she can't No, she can't

# No, she can't. #

Chris banked the 3D printer, but now he's hit the wheel of cheese.

Have a little sit down, Chris.

-Hmm...

-Hmm? Hmm!

That's it, that's it.

Go on, Laura. Go on. She's got legs.

Go on.

Yes, she's up.

Laura's straight over...

Chris will not be happy about that.

Hmm... Interesting technique.

Slow, but interesting.

-Whoo!

-He gets the job done. Doesn't matter how you do it.

He does get the job done.

Laura missed the satnav, but she's already on the slide.

Can she touch these two swinging touch points?

Ooh, just about.

She banked the smoothie maker and pan set and stops the clock.

Back to grumpy Chris.

Almost.

Drop to the floor, marine! Give me 20 while you're down there.

Well, he looks happy.

Although that might be the result of the head trauma.

Laura got the smoothie maker. Can Chris do any better?

Oh, no, he can't.

Laura and Chris have both made the leader board.

That should make Chris happy.

Super Stewart drops into 6th place, but can he stay there?

Now meet T from Leicester.

She may be small, but I predict she's going to fly...

into the air now.

SHE SHRIEKS

So can she jump high enough to bank herself

the robotic vacuum cleaner?

Good question. And the answer is...

no.

Here she goes. Oh, she really wants that trip.

So how many pieces do you reckon T is going to need?

-All of them.

-All of them? Yes, possibly.

Come on, T!

I mean, that's already nearly above her head.

Oh, no, T. She's struggling.

Well, she may be small, but she's got big ambitions.

-Come on, T.

-So it will still be a bit of a leap.

Yes, put that 3D printer in the bank.

Ahem!

They can move separately!

It is almost going to be time for tea at the end of this.

We're nearly there. We're nearly there.

Nearly there.

DRUMROLL

-Yes.

-YES!

That water's pretty deep when you're T's size.

That's just the shallow end.

T on the beam.

Those punchbags are bigger than T.

Very long way down for her.

Fly, my pretty.

That was like a sky dive for T.

But to be fair, the beam isn't as easy as it looks.

So let me introduce...

Sue's Guide To The Beam.

If you've just bought one of these and want to know how to use it,

here's how.

Method One - run like hell.

Method Two - skip between the punchbags.

Or Method Three...

..herd them into a nice, tidy flock.

And here's how not to do it...

Whatever you do, don't pretend you're really, really small.

Ignoring the bags...

not a strategy.

Don't leave your feet sticking out.

Or your elbows.

Or your bum.

Or your head.

And it's not your friend, so whatever you do,

don't try and hug it.

But remember, the beam always gets its man.

And its woman.

And its Sukh.

Tatty bye, love.

Go on, T.

She's having a little rest. Having a little rest.

Just the slide now and those two swinging touch points.

Oh, no!

Tiny T not quite as fast as Super Stewart,

but she completed the course with a time of 10:44 seconds

with penalties

and got her back exfoliated.

Now, T, it's fair to say you had a little bit of trouble

on Stack 'Em High, getting over that wall.

I'm hoping to get through to the next round.

-But I doubt it.

-I really hope you do. Good luck, T.

-Well done.

-Thank you.

No changes here.

Tiny T's time of 10:44 means she hasn't made the board.

That means Super Stew is safe for now

but with one contestant left to run, will he hold on?

So it's goodbye to lovely Casey.

She was a screamer.

SCREAMING

So long to Ellie on the Telly.

Lydia, who was shaken and stirred.

Lana.

Big Dog Mike.

Sukh.

And Risky Paul.

So long, guys, you really touched us.

Our last contestant is Richie.

He proposed to his girlfriend at the zoo.

I'd say that makes him a keeper.

If Richie wants to nab a place in the top six,

all he has to do is beat a 62-year-old man.

Let's remind ourselves of who that man is.

Rather you than me, Richie. Fire!

HE SCREAMS

He's making great time.

And he's banked the robotic vacuum cleaner thingy.

Stewart got the Barcelona trip.

Will Richie?

SLAPPING Oh, I love the sound of a wet trainer.

Yes, he got it!

Now all that's left is the leap...

into the face.

So it's the losers' ladder into Stack 'Em High.

-Easy, easy.

-Boom!

He is making great time.

Good work, Richie.

-Come on, Richie. Keep it going.

-RICHIE YELPS

-HE YELPS

-That's it.

That went well.

You all right, Richie?

His thumb is the only thing that now works.

-Not far to go, Richie.

-Keep it going.

-Come on.

-Keep it going.

Stewart must be getting nervous.

Oh, schoolboy error.

-No!

-Oh, no!

Go on, Richie.

ARGH!

No, not ARGH, Richie!

Come on, don't give up. Think of your fiancee.

I can do it. Hang on.

Come on.

Ugh... God, I'm unfit.

He is absolutely exhausted.

Oh, and he's missed them both!

That's two 30-second time penalties,

but he stops the clock and he's done it.

He's beaten Super Stewart's time of 6:29.

Stewart is off the leader board.

Hopeless Romantic Richie has made the top six.

It's OK. We've got him.

-He's in one piece. He can still get married.

-Yep.

How was that for you?

A lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

-A lot harder?

-A lot harder.

What fun and japes from Round One.

-What fun!

-I know, what fun.

I don't mean to laugh, but there were some very funny moments.

-Some interesting Pole Vault techniques.

-Yes.

Paul head-butted it. That's one way to attack it.

Exactly. We saw people hit the Pole Vault,

-rebound back off and hit the wall again, which looked...

-Nasty.

Yeah, looked nasty.

Only the fastest six contestants from Round One will make it through

to sample the delights of the second round,

so let's take a look at the leader board and find out who's made it.

In at number one is Yummy Daddy Lewys.

Gotta Win Laura wins second place.

Matt the Chameleon pulls in third.

Fearless Amy grabs fourth place.

Can't Lose Chris bags the fifth spot.

And our hopeless romantic Richie is in at number six.

In this round, not only are the contestants

competing against each other,

they're doing it in a spinning battleground

of chairs, rings, ropes and water.

Now they have to stay cool, stay focused and of course

keep hitting those touch points and banking those prizes.

It all kicks off on spinning platforms, which -

and this will surprise you -

start spinning.

From the platforms, contestants move on to Clamber Crossing.

They clamber across the crossing - hence the name -

to a set of touch points which bank a coffee machine,

but there are only five touch points,

so one contestant will miss out and leave the game.

After a very quick sit down, they're off again, through the water

and up the Uneven Stairs to The Rings,

as they attempt to make their way to the four touch points

to bank the kid's electric scooter.

Five into four don't go,

so another contestant will be eliminated

before they set off again, to the Dropping Ropes.

It's an odd but apt name, as not all the ropes are connected,

so contestants must choose the right one

to swing across to the pontoon, otherwise they drop.

Finally, contestants make their way to the end podium

and bank a BMX bike. But there are only three touch points,

which means another contestant will be eliminated,

leaving our final three.

I'm so sorry, have they been spinning

the whole time I've been chatting?

We should get going before we see their breakfasts.

Go on!

-Let's get them clambering.

-Come on, then. Good idea.

-Cue the klaxon.

-KLAXON

And they're off. Lewys is down.

That's what we call a net loss, Lewys.

Hopeless romantic Richie powering through,

the scent of his fiancee in his nostrils,

and he banks a coffee machine.

Yes, well done, Lewys, enjoy your coffee.

And you, too, Matt.

OK, three contestants left and only two touch points.

It is carnage on Clamber Crossing!

Hang on... Who touched who and what and when?

We need an action reply!

Ooh, gone to the replay.

We're going to look at the re-replay.

-Going to the replay.

-Re-rewind.

OK, so, Laura goes for the third touch point,

but Matt's already touched it.

Then she goes for the second touch point,

but Chris beats her to that one.

Then they ALL go for the first touch point,

but Amy touches it before Laura, so Amy is safe, Chris is safe

and Laura has to dethrone herself.

Nice touch from Lewys.

Our final five need a good sit down.

Too bad!

Richie takes a lead on the Uneven Stairs.

Will he be Lord of the Rings?

No, my precious...

But it isn't holding him back.

-Amy gingerly at the back there.

-Well done, Richie.

Richie banks the electric scooter.

Next is Lewys.

Looking very confident.

Howzat!

Chameleon Matt comes in and takes third place.

And now it's a two-horse race between Amy and Chris...

if horses could traverse rings above a foam pit.

It's going to be close, it's going to be close. Who's it going to be?!

Chris has just pipped Amy.

The slithering on the rings just not quite enough.

Let's hear it for Amy. And relax!

So, like Take That, we're down to four, which will soon become three.

Watch out for those ropes!

Lewys is the first to the ropes, but he's down and in the water.

And so is sore loser Chris.

Richie makes it first time.

Will our hopeless romantic be first to the touch points again?

-Oh, no!

-Not going to make that one.

Cracking splash back, Matt. Now we have a race.

Not making this look easy, are they?

Dropping like flies.

Like wet flies in Lycra.

My favourite flies.

Wait! Don't tell me Richie's pulled this back?

He has! He banks the bike and a place in the next round!

Who is going to to join him?

Lewys! Stop punching it. It's sensitive.

You can only bank one bike anyway.

One spot left...

and sore loser Chris has it.

Yep. Well, that'll cheer him up..

Well done, Chris.

Sorry, Matt.

So it's back to the menagerie for Matt.

I am proud of how I've done.

Obviously it would be nice to have gotten to the next stage.

But I am genuinely happy with myself. Yeah.

Farewell, Amy, and apologies for the groin fracture.

I was really competitive and I'm so glad

that I was the last girl in the competition.

I'm going home happy that I took part. It was really good.

And like-to-win Laura didn't.

I wanted to get all the prizes and I wanted to win it for the girls

and for Belfast.

But unfortunately, it just wasn't meant to be.

Some people climb a mountain because it's there.

Our contestants are going to climb Spin Mountain

because it is their chance to win the prizes they've banked

and drive away in a brand-new car.

But there's plenty of problems to overcome on the way up

this particular mountain.

Spin Mountain is where three become one,

because as we all know from the film Highlander,

there can be only one.

Each contestant has to find and collect

three uniquely coloured discs and return them to their podiums

in order from these three rotating rings.

Only then can they climb up Spin Mountain - which is spinning -

to touch the touch point, bank the ride-on lawn mower,

and go on to leap for that car!

But watch out, some of those handholds are on bungee cords.

And they're off!

Or rather, Lewys is off.

Chris? Richie? Hello, we're on BBC ONE.

It is a race after all!

And Lewys is leading.

Look at him go.

Lovely little bit of Lord Of The Dance there.

And Lewys employing the Magic Roundabout technique

to great effect.

Richie still in the running...or the stumbling.

They're all over. They're all at the mountain.

Finally! We have a race.

I think the best idea when climbing a spinning mountain,

as a Gurkha once told me,

is to watch out for the bungee handholds!

It's Lewys.

It's Richie.

I'm just saying men's names.

It's Lewys!

Lewys is our winner. Nice touch from Richie.

Well done!

Chris... Yeah, you just keep chilling. Whatevs.

What do you think Ronnie will be thinking right now?

-Proud of his dad?

-He'll be thinking where's his milk, to be honest.

But in a few years when I show him,

I'm sure he'll be over the moon.

-Fit and ready for the next bit?

-Ready, not fit.

It's official! Yummy Daddy Lewys is our winner!

Lewys, you really are very yummy.

A better guy couldn't have won.

Little Ronnie is going to be very proud of his dad.

There has been a lot of competition all day,

-but he is a worthy winner, so good luck to him.

-Too right.

All those wonderful prizes, just waiting there for Lewys.

-There's a Robotic Vacuum Cleaner.

-A trip to Barcelona.

-A 3D printer.

-Satnav.

-Smoothie maker.

-Luxury pan set.

-Coffee machine.

-Scooter.

-BMX bike.

And a ride-on lawnmower.

And here is what Lewys has to do to get his hands on them.

So, the prizes Lewys banked earlier are hanging above

this treacherous Travelator.

Lewys has 60 seconds to touch as many prizes as he can.

And, of course, everything he touches he takes home.

Apart from me.

OK, Lewys. This is it. Are you ready?

I think so. I am going to give it my best shot

and whatever I win is a bonus.

-Anything you have particularly got your eye on?

-The ride-on lawnmower.

-Ride-on lawnmower?

-My dad's got one at the moment, but it's knackered.

A trip to Barcelona for me and the scooter for Ron.

This is it.

He might not be able to go on it yet, but soon.

You have 60 seconds, Lewys, to touch and win your ten prizes.

-Good luck, my darling.

-Thank you very much.

-We're all behind you.

-Good luck.

-Cheers.

There they are. All those hard-earned prizes.

All within reach...in a way.

It won't be easy, but, hey, that's why we call this show

Can't Touch This, not You Can Touch This Easily.

Cue the klaxon.

KLAXON

Boom, that's the ride-on lawnmower banked for Dad.

Ooh, and he's just missed the luxury pan set.

Come on, Lewys. Get that Barcelona trip.

That's the Barcelona trip for Mrs Lewys...

-Yes, he got it.

-Whoohoo!

All he needs now is that scooter for little Ronnie.

-Oh, no. He's down.

-Come on, Lewys.

I believe in you!

So sorry, I do get carried away.

20 seconds. Come on, Lewys.

20 seconds. Go on. Go on, Lewys. Go on, Lewys.

Go on, Lewys.

YES!

Yes, well done! He's got it.

Oh, he is giving everything.

-BOTH:

-Five, four, three, two, one...

And that is it!

He's given it his all

and he's got everything he wanted.

I am so happy for you. I can't stop grinning.

Well done. How was the double Travelator for you?

-Very, very, very tough.

-But, Lewys, it was all worth it,

because I can tell you that you have won three prizes

and it's the three that you wanted, my man.

-You got the scooter.

-Yes.

-You got the trip to Barcelona.

-Yes.

And you got the ride-on lawnmower for your dad.

That's incredible. It's fantastic.

-So well done.

-He'll be over the moon.

-You have won those prizes

and you have more than earned the right to go for that one last prize.

Yes, Lewys, one more leap and you could be driving home in style.

I came here with nothing and to go home with anything is a bonus,

but to win a car would be insane.

If Lewys can leap across this void

and touch the car, he will be driving it home.

After it's been appropriately taxed, insured

and registered in his name, of course.

Well, Lewys, we're up here and it is real.

So now you can see it, what are you thinking about the jump for the car?

Have you got a game plan?

I'm going to go as hard as I can.

-Yep.

-Fly like Superman and just try to get any part of my body on it.

-I could be going home with a new car.

-You could be.

Honestly, I wish you the best of luck.

-We are all rooting for you, Lewys.

-Thanks, mate.

-Good luck.

-Cheers.

So here we go.

One contestant. One car. One giant leap.

-Lewys, best of luck, my darling.

-Thank you.

In your own time, jump for the car.

One jump. One chance.

One car.

KLAXON

THEY CHEER

He certainly CAN touch this.

Cue the ticker tape parade and soppy music

and slow-motion action replays.

# I believe I can fly

# I believe I can touch the sky

# I think about it every night and day... #

-Whoo!

-Yes!

-Amazing.

-I am so happy for you.

-Can you believe you just did that?

-You just leapt through the sky...

-Right get in here.

-Get in between us, Lewys.

-..and touched a car.

-Mad!

-You just won a brand-new car.

I don't know what to say.

I'm on the verge of...

-Crying?

-Yeah.

-Tears?

-That's mad, I've just won a car.

-You've just won a car!

-And it was miles.

-It was a long way.

-It was miles.

-And not only have you won a car...

-I've got go-go-gadget arms.

..you've won a trip to Barcelona.

Your lass is going to be so happy about that.

-A scooter for little Ronnie.

-Ron's going to be over the moon.

-And your dad!

-He'll be over the moon, too.

That's incredible. Thank you, guys, very much.

Lewys, thank you. You've been incredible today.

-Have you had a good time?

-I have had the best time ever.

Thank you very much. What an experience.

You've been spectacular. Spectacular! Wow!

That is it. We'll be back next time when more hardy souls

will put themselves through their paces.

Hopping, skipping and jumping for the prizes.

But until then, stay in touch. Say goodbye, Sue.

Goodbye, Sue. Oh, sorry. I see what you mean.

Been a long week. Goodbye!

Can you let me out of this car now?