Episode 7 Can't Touch This

One rule - touch the prize, win the prize.

But doing that takes a whole load of this...

..a ridiculous amount of this...

..and absolutely masses of this.

Aah!

BOTH: This is Can't Touch This.

Hello, and welcome to Can't Touch This. I'm Zoe Ball...

..and I'm Ashley Banjo,

and I'm pleased to tell you that we are ready

and raring to present the show. Aren't we, Zoe?

Oh, never readier, Ashley. As are today's contestants,

only they're not presenting the show - they have

the slightly more difficult task of taking on our course

as they try to touch and win as many prizes as possible.

As well as battling through our course,

they're also competing against each other,

as only one of them will emerge victorious

and get the chance to take home their prizes

and maybe even a brand-new car.

So, we're ready, they're ready,

and hopefully so is the third member of our team,

our commentator Sue Perkins,

who is already being talked about in the same vein

as the legend that is John "Motty" Motson.

Yes. So, it's over to Perkie

to meet today's Can't Touch This contestants.

Oh, Ash, I said you could only call me that when I'm on tour!

Yes, let's meet our contestants.

They're brave, they're bold, they're with us...

right after they've completed this police line-up.

Tonight, these mighty warriors

will attempt to make their families and their countries proud.

Within their ranks, a man who can box,

a man who cannot box, and...

Oh, that man's got into the studio again. Security!

They're all hoping they CAN Touch This tonight.

And it all starts here.

Our Catapult sends our contestants

on a short but exhilarating flight into a Foam Pit.

Then, it's on to the Travelator.

High above is the first touchpoint.

Touch it, and bank a quad bike.

Livens up any board meeting.

Also on the Travelator,

the second touchpoint,

which banks a food mixer.

Great for mixing food!

But one misstep on the Travelator

and you'll be in the drink.

Then it's the short trip to Stack 'Em High.

Just build a tower to reach touchpoint number three,

and bank a set of garden furniture - perfect for opening

that unprofitable beer garden you've always dreamt of.

Then take the Mighty Pole across the water to the Beam.

Dodge the Swinging Punchbags to reach the fourth touchpoint,

which banks a luxury pan set.

Remember the car, guys, remember the car!

Next, it's down the Slide to the two swinging touchpoints,

which bank a robotic vacuum cleaner and an espresso machine.

Don't like coffee? Suck it up.

The last touchpoint stops the clock and banks some headphones.

For each touchpoint they've missed, they get a 30-second penalty,

and whoever gets through to the end of the show

gets the chance to win what they've banked.

Them's the rules, and I love reading them out.

This is Fola. He's a comedian.

Trust me - it's not a career plan.

Now, Fola, I hear you're a comedian

and you do a character called Jimmy. Can we meet him?

Yeah, sure. You ready?

My name's Jimmeh. Nice to meet you.

Do you have a wife? Don't think so, she's mine.

Big biceps, man. Mine are bigger.

All right, look at you, oi!

OK, Fola. Well, I like Jimmy. Thank you very much.

I like you as well, and I wish you the best of luck. Thank you.

Time to get catapulting. Let's go. Oh!

Right. Funnyman Fola's in the Catapult.

Who's laughing now, Fola?

Fling him!

HE YELLS

Ooh! Very nice.

Nimble across the foam...

and he's out.

Fola's at the Travelator.

The first touchpoint banks a quad bike

and the second a food mixer.

Boom! He's banked the quad.

And ripped his quads.

Oh, yes! This is good Travelator work. Looking good.

Food mixer banked.

Now, can funnyman Fola make the leap?

Oooh! Oh, I've had gigs like that.

SPLASH Ooh!

Face-first into the wall!

Looking good, Fola!

Well, you say "looking good", but he did just have a massive face injury.

Stack 'Em High now.

That third touchpoint banks the set of garden furniture.

Bet he can't wait to bolt that together over an argument.

Oh, he's up already! Look! Bouncy! Oh, wow!

This is a seriously good time. Banked!

This is the bit that they all get wrong.

Well, this is why they call it the Wall of Doom!

Never a fan of that name.

Ha ha ha!

I am a fan of this, however - the Pole Vault!

Do it for Jimmy.

Oh, he's got a good grip...

He went a little fireman with that.

Not quite.

Let's just pretend those are tears of laughter he's crying.

Beam, now, and the fourth touchpoint banks the luxury pan set.

Aaaah...!

Ooh!

Ooh, every bag's a critic.

Yes, he gets it.

That's a boon!

Come on, Fola, go, go, go, go!

And he's off.

OK, just the Slide left now.

The swinging touchpoints bank the robotic vacuum cleaner

and espresso machine.

Oh, amazing! He's banked them both!

And banks the headphones for a full house.

Fola stops the clock with a time of 3.19.

And he picked up no time penalties because he banked every prize.

Ah, Fola, that was epic. Thank you very much.

Oh, my goodness me. Serious speed!

Jimmy would be proud. Oh!

Next up is Lauren.

She's a lifeguard, so I'm sure she'll do swimmingly!

Are you looking forward to taking a loop in our very cold water? I am!

I might do a few laps before I finish, you know. OK, fantastic!

Well, the Catapult awaits. Good luck!

Launch it!

Lauren, we've told you - no bombing.

I love that catapult. I know!

We want a go, we want a go.

Remind me, how do lifeguards run again?

Seriously. Takes her ages to get to the chemist.

Lauren, quite sporty. She is a lifeguard.

Can she jump, though? Ooh...

Ouch!

No, Ash. No, she cannot.

ZOE AND ASHLEY LAUGH

Not really loving the water. Beaten by the Travelator.

So, no quad bike and no food mixer for Lauren.

But now it's on to Stack 'Em High.

Almost. Didn't quite work for her, did it?

Desperate for that garden furniture.

And she just banked it!

You all right there? Yeah!

OK, now the Pole Vault.

Can the blue bands get out of the pool?

Blue bands, out of the pool!

Oh, dear. She said she likes water.

SHE YELPS

Hope she does!

Fine, Lauren, you can always breathe later.

Temperature all right for you there, Lauren? Bit nippy!

Back on dry land. Now the Beam.

No running, pushing or shoving, or I will blow my whistle.

Number one. Ooh! Number two.

Nicely done, Lauren.

Good bit of dodging...

Oh! She's gone.

And it's straight into the deep end.

A bash on the bum there... And she's off.

Just the Slide left.

Can Lauren bank the vacuum cleaner and the espresso machine?

Oh, well done. She got the robotic vacuum.

And lifeguard Lauren stops the clock and banks the headphones

with a time of 6.56, including penalties,

and one verruca.

Just time for one more Lifeguard Super Slo`mo.

Lauren, come over.

Now, I know you're a fan of the water,

but are you still a fan?

LAUREN PANTS

This is Philip, an ex-military man from London.

I know you'd love to run the Great Wall of China,

but how do you feel about the Great Course of Can't Touch This?

It's an epic adventure and I'm going to conquer it and nail it today.

Well, Philip the Conqueror, meet Alexander,

a geologist from Lincolnshire.

Oh, sires, it appears we have a right royal rumble on here!

Look at them. So regal. So composed.

So long, suckers!

Aah!

Nice battle cry from Philip the Conqueror there.

Ooh, this means war.

King Philip first out of the Right Royal Foam Bath.

Philip the Conqueror is little and nimble.

Can he conquer the quad bike?

No, he can't!

Can he...? No.

Say what you want about Philip, he really wants that food mixer.

Whoa, look at that! Yes!

Woohoo! Love it!

Ooh!

Oh, my liege!

Alexander the Great! Oh, my knees.

He banks the quad bike there.

Handy for conquering a massive Persian Empire in your twenties.

Not even in the water.

Right, let's go. Go, go, go, go, go!

Just a jog in the park.

WHOOPING

Head over heels. Oh! Nice move!

Yay! Oh-ho-ho!

People are going head over heels for that food mixer today.

Do they know something I don't?

Love it. Well, he's banked those prizes, made it look easy.

Back to Philip on Stack 'Em High.

He might need a bigger one than that.

But I've been wrong before. You have been wrong...

Many times. ..and...

And boom!

Yes! And I'm wrong again. Banks himself some garden furniture.

Go on, Philip!

Go on, Philip! Go on, you can do it.

PHILIP STRAINS

Oh, it's up. Ha-ha, Philip.

Will the Great Wall Of Doom slow down the conqueror?

No, look, he just popped himself over.

Go on, Alexander.

Ooh! That was springy. Oh, Alexander the Great.

Alexander's over too.

These guys are neck and neck. That's just their injuries.

MUSIC WARPS AND FADES

Oh, this is a new one.

That's a lot further than I thought.

THEY LAUGH

Instantly regretting his decision.

That's one way to do it.

Philip on the beam, now.

Oh! Ooh!

That was good!

Yes! And he's got it.

And like all good kings throughout history, he banks the pan set.

Just the Slide left.

Can Philip conquer the last two touchpoints?

Oh, no, he misses them both!

But he stops the clock and banks the headphones,

with a commanding time of 4:32

after penalties. Course conquered.

How much fun was that? Oh, it was amazing. Was it?

Amazing. Now, where's Alexander the Great, I hear you cry?

I'm a lot older than I thought I was.

THEY LAUGH

Well, he's dodging Swinging Punchbags, as usual.

Ooh. Nice beam work there.

That was calm and collected.

He's not even bothered by the Punchbag. Look at that.

LAUGHTER Oh, we spoke too soon.

Tattie-bye, my Royal Highness.

OK, the Slide now.

And can Alexander do any better than Philip?

Yes, he can.

He banks the espresso machine -

mine's a decaf soya almond latte -

and stop the clock with a total time of 5:53.

He did great.

Ish.

How was that for you?

Exhausting. Exhausting?

Fingers crossed. Next round? We'll see how it goes.

Well done, Alexander. Thank you very much.

Meet Sally Tidswell from Lancashire.

She's a science teacher who looks a little bit angry.

Someone must have left the gas taps on.

Sally, as a science teacher,

do you see this as one big experiment,

or are you serious about winning?

I am definitely serious about this. I want to win it.

And Sally's at the Travelator. Ooh!

She missed it, but she's up.

Once again, going great guns for the food mixer.

Why are they trying so hard for a food mixer?

Look at that!

See, this isn't just about how strong and fit you are,

this is about making the right choices.

Look how fast she is.

So fast. So fast I can barely see her move.

You could say she's faster than the speed of light,

but that's 186,282 miles per second, so you'd be wrong.

Got the right apparatus.

And hopefully at the end, she'll give us a full conclusion.

Yeah, well, she's got the right formula, hasn't she? Yeah.

Thanks, thanks.

Ooh! Nice one.

Right, the Pole Vault, there should be no problem for Sally.

All she has to do is employ Newton's law of hanging off a massive pole

whilst playing for a car.

Ooh, and that's her Eureka moment.

Splat. Ooh! That was quite a big splat.

Yeah. Yeah. Hit that water seriously hard.

# And there may be many others But they haven't been discovered. #

Luxury pan set banked - just the Slide left,

and Sally isn't messing about.

Yes, she banks the robotic vacuum cleaner and stops the clock

and banks the headphones.

Our mad scientist has completed the course in a time of 4:12,

including penalties,

whilst of course maintaining a constant volume.

BUZZER

This is Pete.

He's a kitchen fitter from Romford who loves boats and...

Oh, it's a film, two words, romantic comedy.

Rocky 2!

So, how are you going to sail around the course?

Well, actually, when I get fired out of that catapult,

I'll go through the air and come along,

I'm going to steam down there like that,

I'll be like a motorboat, flying right across there,

across that water, into the old pit.

Cannot wait to see this one. Me neither! Good luck. HE LAUGHS

Thank you very much, sir!

Pete's at the Travelator. Nice one.

He's cruising, but is he cruising for a bruising? Ooh! Ouch. No.

Go on, come on, Pete. He's taking on water, never a good sign.

Come on, Pete.

Second touchpoint banks that all-important food mixer,

he has banked it, so that's his life changed!

Oh...

ZOE LAUGHS

Sea legs.

THEY LAUGH

Not quite!

He banked the garden furniture,

and now a lot of people have been saying the Pole Vault is impossible.

Yeah! All right? You all right?

I can assure you it's entirely possible.

Just not for Pete.

Where's your motorboat when you need it?

The Beam now.

If Pete wants the pan set, he's going to have to walk the Plank.

Oh-ho-ho! Oh!

Wow! Just!

That's the pan set banked, and...

right in the crow's nest.

Onto the Slide.

And he banked the robotic vacuum cleaner.

Hey, Pete, the touchpoint. Pete! Pete!

Bank the headphones. Don't forget the headphones.

Touch the end! Oh, God! BUZZER

Oh, I might need my pills again.

Pugwash Pete sailed through the course

and banked six prizes,

but he picked up one 30-second penalty,

giving him a total time of 4:09,

three of which were spent at the last touchpoint.

Well done, Pete. Must talk about your Beam work there.

Was it all right? That was a lucky escape. Was it?

Yes, it nearly took you down, the Punchbag.

Do you know what?

I was so worried about, them foam balls again, mate,

I didn't want to have none of that.

We're not having any of that, thank you very much. Good work, Pete.

Real good work. Hopefully, I'll see you in round two. Take it easy.

Yeah! Right, let's get my leaderboard out.

Funnyman Fola is not joking around.

He's gone straight into the top spot with a time of 3:19.

Lifeguard Lauren may need rescuing.

She's sank to sixth place with a time of 6:56.

Still to come on Can't Touch This...

the hippy one...

the dippy one.

And the... hang on, where's he going?

Will any of them make the top six and go on to leap for that car?

Say hello to Muhala from B-B-Brighton.

He's a professional dancer and a bit of an old-school B-boy.

Can you guess what he wants to win?

I imagine he's here for the pan set.

Muhala, you are a freestyle hip-hop champion.

Want to show us a couple of moves? Yeah, why not? Go on, then.

OK, I'm suitably impressed. My turn.

No, I'm just kidding!

Don't get comfortable in there, Muhala.

BUZZER Throw him!

INDISTINCT

What did he say? I have no idea!

INDISTINCT

No, still didn't catch that.

SLO-MO AND INDISTINCT

Surprisingly, slowing it down didn't help.

# I came here tonight To hear the crowd go.... #

Quad bike banked. Time to do the running man on the Travelator.

# Shake the room... #

And the food mixer.

Can he make the leap? One...

Ooh! Oh!

# Are you ready for me yet? #

Oh, absolutely smashes that touchpoint. Made it look easy.

He is making it look simple.

# Dance in the aisles... #

And our Brighton B-boy on the B-B-B Foam!

Ah!

Bo, selecta! That had to hurt.

Just the Slide-Slide left.

I'm not stuttering, that's a breakdance move I like to bust out.

He really needs this car.

Here he goes.

And banks the vacuum cleaner and the espresso machine.

Banks headphones and stops the clock with a body-popping time

of 3:03, including penalties.

That was dope.

As my Latvian grandmother would say.

What are you upset about?

I had the vision of the car. Yeah.

The car might still be there.

That was a really fast time. No, that wasn't.

It was a really fast time, don't be too hard on yourself.

Listen, if you make it through to round five,

then you have the chance to jump for the car.

This is only round one. Well done, man. Thanks very much.

From a guy who likes to break to a girl who is unbreakable.

Hello, Sian.

# Solid as a rock... #

Sian, you once fell 30 feet out of a tree you climbed

and walked away pretty unscathed.

Yeah, I didn't break a single bone in my body,

so hopefully I'll be able to walk away today.

SIAN LAUGHS

Sian is 80% rubber. So far, she's banked the quad bike

and the garden furniture and The Wall Of Doom hasn't broken her.

What about the pole?

Here we go. This takes her back to her tree, tree-climbing days.

I'm worried she's going to have a flashback.

Well, at least the cold water will ease the strain.

That's it. Is she going to walk away unscathed? Yes, she does.

Are you all right there, Sian? A bit wet. But unscathed.

I misjudged that one. The Beam now,

and the pesky matter of those Punchbags.

She goes for it.

Ohhh! Ooh! Jammy!

Cleared the Punchbags.

SIAN SHRIEKS Ooh, that's the ribs gone.

Shatter-free Sian on the Slide, and she...

banks the robotic vacuum cleaner.

A lungful of chlorine later, and, yes, she's got the headphones

and stopped the clock.

Unbreakable Sian survived the course

in 4 minutes and 24 seconds including penalties.

Unbreakable Sian and Muhala both b-break their way to the top six,

Muhala storming into the lead with a time of 3 minutes and 3 seconds.

Lifeguard Lauren and Alexander the Great lose their places,

making Philip the Conqueror the one to beat.

This busy little bee is Maria. Interesting fact...

..she's got a LOT of interests.

Get in there, Maria!

Maria, as well as health and fitness,

you do a bit of interior design,

so what do you think of the sort of design perspective of our course?

I think it's fabulous, they've done a really good job,

and I'm absolutely buzzing.

Let's get it done. Let's get it done!

So, Maria at the Travelator. Can she bank the quad bike?

MUSIC: The Bee Song by Arthur Askey

Ooh, let's hope that emergency dentistry is one of her interests.

So close! So far away, though. And headfirst into the water.

It's going very well, I think.

A nice backward dunk.

Ooh, please, go on, go on!

She'll try again for the food mixer.

I think it must be made of gold bullion. Keep going.

She wants that food mixer.

And banked it!

Whoo-hoo! Now for the Leap.

I'll call that dentist again. Good dunking, Maria.

Stack Em High.

Miles away.

Ooh! Back to the drawing board.

Maria isn't the only one who finds Stack Em High a tall order.

Meet James. He works in banking.

Bet he wasn't "banking" on getting stuck at Stack Em High.

And this is Louise.

She's been here longer than me!

That's right, have a rest, ducky.

And James is first to the Wall. He's on his way.

Be careful. Be careful. Be careful, be careful. Back to Stack Em High.

And Maria's still going. She's going again! She's going again.

Is she mad?

It's slippy, it's slippy.

I guess if at first you don't succeed,

keep doing exactly the same thing over and over again.

Isn't that right, James?

No! Ow! Ooh! Not quite.

Where's he gone?

Peek-a-boo!

Anyway, back to Louise.

Oh, it's so... No. So far, so far.

Maria's going for it again.

Yes! Determined! So tenacious. I love it.

Catch your breath, Louise. We'll come back.

And the banker, James. You do know that block is exactly

the same size as the other one you tried? Anyone got a tape measure?

BLOCKS SQUEAK

Excuse me.

If he can get over the Wall, it'll be a bonus.

Probably a massive one. Paid for by the taxpayer.

Satire.

MUSIC: Money Money Money by Abba

Yes! Whoo-hoo! He did it! It's the Pole now, thankfully.

James, are you all right there?

Something easy to look forward to.

Down! He went in upside down.

Ooh, he's wet his Filofax.

MUSIC: Money by Pink Floyd

How's the water?

Just don't. Just don't. Just don't.

Go away, Ashley. All right. Banjo, out.

James the Banker missed out on the luxury pan set.

Now he's at the Slide...

and banks the vacuum cleaner. And he stops the clock.

So, he...stops the clock.

James, it's called a touchpoint for a reason!

Thank you! James eventually stops the clock

and banks the headphones

in a total time of 5 minutes and 23 seconds.

Are you pleased with your performance? OK.

I think I could have done better.

Back with Busy Bee Maria.

I really hope one of her interests is pole vaulting.

Ooh, the friction!

Almost perfect slide.

I'd give her ten out of ten for that slide down that pole.

Still with us, darling? Whoo-hoo!

Keep that fighting spirit. You're doing great. You can do it.

You are looking good. Come on! Come on!

Our Busy Bee's on the Beam now.

One down.

Here comes number two.

She wasn't going to let go.

She just was not going to let go of that Punchbag.

And Maria's still going.

YEAH! Yes! Yes! Yes, she's made it!

Ah, hang on. Still the Slide.

For a woman with a lot of interests,

she had no interest in banking the vacuum cleaner and espresso machine.

But she does bank the headphones and stops the clock with a total

time of 6 minutes 27 seconds with penalties.

Mm, interesting!

Ashley! Maria! Cheers, love(!) Let me ask you something.

You worked on Stack Em High for that prize.

I'm delighted to tell you that you did bank some garden furniture.

Oh, brilliant!

Oh, look at that, look.

I think we'll just have to leave Louise there.

Neither Louise, James the Banker or our Busy Bee, Maria, could break

into the top six, meaning Philip the Conqueror is still the one to beat.

Say hello to Ian. He suffers from static electricity, apparently.

Huh, that's what you get for wearing electric blue.

Ian, I'm told your nickname is Sparkle. Where does that come from?

It came from when I was younger, playing rugby.

The guys reckoned sparks flew whenever I came onto the pitch.

Are sparks going to fly today? I hope so, yeah. Me too.

Oh, yeah, you can definitely see the sparks flying off him.

Told you we should have earthed that plug.

Quad bike banked! And he's up and he's up and...

Yeah, he can make it. He can do it, he can do it.

Food mixer banked. Can he make the Leap?

Ooh, technically...

Yes! Get over!

Stack Em High now. Let's see how he "conducts" himself.

Careful, Sparkle.

# High voltage! #

He's going so fast!

That technique doesn't look like it'll work to me. But who am I?

I don't know, he's just...

Who am I? ..on fire! Whoo-hoo!

So far, he's been amazing. Can he master the Pole Vault?

Hit the Wall. That counts for something.

Oh, Sparkle's sparked out by the Pole Vault.

Oh, Sparkle.

# Shine bright like a diamond... #

Come on, Sparkle.

He has to get up, he has to get up...

No!

He's a gymnast, as well!

Oh, that's a circuit breaker.

Just the Slide left.

And the vacuum and espresso machines.

Ooh, and he banks them both!

Sparkle banks the headphones and stops the clock in a total time of

3 minutes and 33 seconds including penalties,

which is shocking! In a good way.

Oh! How are you? Give me a hug. Yes, go on, then.

I'll just do, like, a distant one. Ooh, that's cold.

This is Laura. She's a surfer with a fear of fish.

Have you thought about Zumba, Laura?

Now, Laura, you love surfing but you're scared of sharks

and most fish. Yeah. I am.

How are you going to get through to round two?

I'm just going to focus on the finish and pretend I've got

a great white on my tail pushing me along, making me run fast.

Good luck. Thank you very much.

Surfer Laura at the Travelator.

Yes! Ooh...

In the drink.

Ooh, cowabunga, that looked painful.

No, she's beached herself.

Nothing fishy about that.

Keeps her balance...

Did she touch it?

She banks the food mixer and...

wipe-out! Where's she going?

Don't do it to yourself. She's gone back for the Leap.

Far out! Ooh, much too far out. They don't listen to me. I know.

Ashley, they don't. Stack Em High and surf's up.

# MUSIC: Surfin' USA by the Beach Boys

This is where surfing's going to be good, that surfing stance.

Here we go.

Banked the furniture. Good work.

Psych yourself up, Laura. Come on, Laura.

Oh! Big jump, big jump. You can do it, Laura.

Come on, Laura.

Ohh! Right in the big kahuna.

Come on, Laura.

Bash, that was a good bash.

Surfing the Beam now, as they never say.

Ohh! Ohh!

Oh, go flat.

Stay flat, stay on your surfboard.

Just... Ooh! Don't give up.

She's done it. Has she touched the point?

She looks like she's afraid of the touchpoint too.

She obviously hasn't watched my latest guide.

I was up all night printing yellow touchpoints,

so you people could win stuff you don't need.

However, it's become apparent that some contestants are caressing these

touchpoints as if they were shaking hands with a frail old lady.

It should be more like high-fiving Ashley Banjo.

Oh, absolutely smashes that touchpoint.

Here are a few tips to think about before you touch in.

Decide which hand to lead with before you commit.

Upon connection, release.

Try to become one with your surroundings.

When things look down, don't give up.

If you see a camera, smile.

When the time is right, enjoy the moment.

No need for that.

Lastly, remember to touch, actually touch, the touchpoint.

Oh, God! KLAXON

Laura on the Slide now hoping to catch a wave and hang ten.

No idea what that means.

Oh, she's missed them both. Totally bogus, dude.

Laura stops the clock and banks the headphones.

She's surfed her way through the course

with a total time of 5 minutes and 18 seconds,

with penalties.

Did you learn nothing from my guide?

Where's my leaderboard?

Ian has bolted straight into third position

with his electrifying time of 3 minutes and 33 seconds.

His inclusion into the top six means

Philip the Conqueror's been usurped.

But will our last contestant smash Unbreakable Sian's time?

Before we find that out, it's time for some "so longs".

Lifeguard Lauren couldn't be saved.

Alexander the Great lost his throne.

James...

Maria...and Louise,

I wish you could all stay. Yeah! Yes!

King Philip lost his crown.

Laura, you got wiped out by our Travelator.

Come on, don't hang around, guys. Come on. I hate long goodbyes.

Meet extremely sporty Rosie. She's extremely fond of extreme sports.

I like saying the word "extreme".

Rosie, you love your snowboarding.

How do you think this course will compare?

Well, it's not as high as a mountain.

Whatever you do, enjoy it.

Off you go to the catapult. Thanks very much. Good luck, Rosie.

Toss her!

Whee! I love that, it's almost like a toe-touching.

Wow, that landing was SNOW joke. Sorry!

I've been here for days. Rosie at the Travelator now.

And she stayed out of the water, yes. Oh, no!

Go on, get up again, go on, Rosie!

She does know it's not an extreme food mixer, doesn't she?

Yes! Food mixer!

Banked.

Say it ain't SNOW? I've got lots of these.

Stack Em High, and Extremely Sporty Rosie is flying.

Yes, she can.

Things are looking rosy for Rosie so far.

Looking rosy for Rosie? Why didn't I think of that?

Gah! SNOW excuse.

She's at the North Pole. Yes, that's what it looks like.

Diving into an extremely large paddling pool.

Look, a massive yellow beam.

Stay there. She's just realised. Don't move, I know you're there.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Ohh!

Almost choreographed.

Great run on the Beam.

No!

Yes!

Just the Slide left for Extreme Rosie.

Oh, she's missed both touchpoints.

That's two 30-second penalties onto her time.

She needs to beat a time of 4 minutes and 24 seconds

to knock unbeatable, unbreakable Sian out of the top six.

And she's done it!

Extremely Sporty Rosie banks the headphones,

stops the clock at 4 minutes and 10 seconds.

She's made the final six.

Oh, it's so good. What do you make of Round One, Ashley?

Loved it, as always.

But it all started with some great catapult action.

A lot of people desperate to get

to that second touchpoint on the Travelator. I couldn't work it out.

Is it because they're desperate for a food mixer?

Or is it because they just don't want...? I think it's the penalty.

The way Sally got up and just motored to that second touchpoint,

I don't think it was the food mixer, I think it was the 30 seconds.

OK, they all performed brilliantly, but let's look at how things stand

at the end of that round and find out who made it into our top six.

In at number one is our BBB-Boy, Muhala.

Laughing his way into second place is funny man Fola.

Charging into third, it's Sparky Ian.

Pugwash Pete sails into fourth position.

Extremely Sporty Rosie takes extremely fifth place.

And gravitating towards sixth is our mad scientist Sally.

This round is a bit like our version of musical chairs,

only without the music.

And it all begins with the revolution.

It all kicks off on spinning platforms, which,

and I mean this, spin.

From the platforms, contestants move on to Clamber Crossing.

They clamber over the crossing to a set of touchpoints,

which bank a suitcase. But there are only five touchpoints,

so one contestant will have to pack their bags.

After a very quick sit down, they're off again,

through the water and up the uneven stairs to the rings

as they attempt to make their way to four touchpoints

to bank them a snooker table...

to keep their snookers on.

Five into four don't go, so another contestant will be eliminated

before they set off again to the Dropping Ropes.

By the way, not all the ropes are connected, so they'll have to choose

wisely or they'll end up wetter than a Canadian boy band's second album.

Finally, contestants make their way to the end podium

and bank an American fridge freezer.

But there are only three touchpoints,

so another contestant will be eliminated, leaving our final three.

Have they been spinning the whole time?

Sorry, my fault,

I was thinking about the food mixer again from Round One. Ashley.

With pleasure. Cue the klaxon.

KLAXON And they're off.

Fola is opening with some new rolling material.

Oh, that is a bundle. He's first to the touchpoint and banks a suitcase.

And now they're all over it.

Muhala, Ian, Pete and Rosie are all... Wait, Rosie? Sally?

Who touched it first?

In the immortal words of Craig David, can I get a rewind?

Both of them reached for the touchpoint at the same time,

but Rosie definitely gets there first.

Then Sally steals her chair.

So Rosie completes the equation. Unlucky Sally.

Six into five won't go. That's science, or maths, or game shows.

Look at them, I've sat on more relaxing chairs on budget airlines.

Tilt them!

Those uneven stairs are a nightmare to Hoover. OK?

And Ian's jumped first onto the rings.

And, yes, he's gone for the gob-first approach.

Muhala, wow!

Believe me, darling, you do not want me coming at you.

I've been cooped up in a booth since the '90s.

Muhala takes the first spot and banks a snooker table.

Amazing! That was Ninja!

So, Muhala there. Ian casually walking to the...

And Rosie pips Pete to the post, which is not an easy thing to say.

Bad luck, Pugwash Pete, you've run aground.

Six have become four and will soon become three

because it's an elimination game. Keep up.

Tilt!

Muhala and Ian straight to the ropes.

Muhala's in the drink, but Ian, he's like Tarzan in a water park.

And it's a blowout for Rosie.

Can Fola take advantage? Yes.

Hilariously done.

He was smashing in that gig until he bombed.

Ian's close, but that's another bad rope for Rosie.

Well done, Ian! Sparkle was first to bag the American fridge freezer,

closely followed by B-Boy Muhala. Well done.

Yes! Nice one, Fola.

Nice one, Fola. Unlucky, Rosie, you totally biffed out back there.

That's right, blame the shorts.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to Rosie. Sick!

I was really happy to get that far,

I never expected to get to the last four at all.

Yeah, it was good. I hope the guys do really well.

Pete, your ship has sailed.

At the end of the day,

I got this far and I'm really pleased about that.

And Sally, our mad scientist...

I wanted to win really bad. I'm disappointed, I'm not going to lie,

but it's been a brilliant day.

This experiment is over.

There's quite a big clue in the name of Spin Mountain as to what it does.

Yes, and if our contestants have worked it out, that clue

should tell them that getting up it isn't going to be easy.

Spin Mountain, a cross between a lampshade and a climbing wall,

that spins!

Spin Mountain is where three become one,

because, well, two have to leave.

Each contestant has to find

and collect their three uniquely coloured discs, and return them

to their podium in order from these three rotating rings.

Only then can they climb up Spin Mountain, which is spinning,

to touch the touchpoint, bank the spa weekend

and go on to leap for that car. But watch out.

Some of those handholds are on bungee cords, which is fun for us

and potentially life-threatening for them.

And they're off!

Look at the speed of them!

Fola and Muhala straight back with their first discs.

Clearly got spin mountains at home.

Bit of a scramble there, and...

It's not a Frisbee, Ian!

Fola and Muhala both on number two.

Fola going for his third! I said it's not a Frisbee!

And that's it, Fola is off to the mountain.

Muhala is right behind him.

Oh, no, the booby-trapped bungee cord!

And Fola's down! Muhala is hanging on. Can he make it?

Of course he can! KLAXON BLARES

Yeah!

Muhala, in you come, well done.

You said you weren't going to lose, how does it feel to win that round?

You know what? I was confident in myself.

Yeah? I was there from day one.

I reckon Muhala will do really well.

I reckon he's been an outstanding performer all day.

He's been confident all day.

He's claimed that he was going to bag a car from the first game.

Yeah, exactly. And I reckon he'll do it.

Come get me!

He's a great guy, great competition, we've got this far,

didn't think we could get this far.

Great experience.

I'll just... I'll take a ride in his car.

KLAXON BLARES

Yeah!

So, Muhala has touched and banked ten prizes.

A quad bike. Food mixer. Garden furniture.

Robotic vacuum cleaner. Espresso machine. Headphones. A suitcase.

Snooker table. American fridge freezer. And a spa weekend.

Now he has earned the right to try and win those prizes.

All ten prizes Muhala has banked in the previous rounds

are hanging in the air above these fast moving Travelators.

Muhala has 60 seconds to touch as many prizes as possible,

and of course, everything he touches, he wins.

OK, Muhala, in one minute, you could have won all ten prizes.

Are you ready for this? Course I am, born ready. Of course he is!

Get yourself to your starting position, and good luck.

Thank you very much, guys.

There they all are, all those hard-earned prizes,

all within Muhala's reach.

Or are they?

It won't be easy, but that's why we call this Can't Touch This,

not...Just Help Yourself.

Cue the klaxon.

KLAXON BLARES

He's going for the espresso machine. So close!

Got the American fridge freezer! And now he's got the espresso machine.

Up the Travelators. This could cost him time.

Ooh, just missed the snooker table!

Oh, yes, he's got the Hoover.

Let's go, let's go!

That's the suitcase in the bag.

Still on his feet.

Oh, he just missed the headphones!

That's the espresso machine.

You only win it once, cheeky chops!

20 seconds, let's go, come on!

Third time lucky on the snooker table, didn't pocket it.

15, let's go, get it! Go on! Oh!

Seven, six,

five, four...

Has he got enough in the tank for a final push?

..one.

No, time is up. KLAXON BLARES

Time up, Muhala. Muhala, you were amazing!

Come here. How was that for you, do you hate Travelators now?

HE LAUGHS It's a lot harder than I thought, put it that way.

Well, Muhala, I can tell you that you've won four prizes. Really?

Yet, the robotic vacuum cleaner, an espresso machine,

a suitcase and an American fridge freezer, so well done, that's good.

Amazed. The time you've been waiting for is here,

and you have totally earned the right to go for that one last prize.

There is no doubting your touching skills -

what about your jumping and leaping skills?

HE SIGHS

Don't know, you tell me!

Wasn't that good, but I want that car. You want that car. I want that car. You want it so bad.

If Muhala can leap across this void and touch the car,

he will be driving it home. If he can get it down.

That's a whole other game show.

You have said right from when you went into that foam pit

at the beginning, off the catapult, that you wanted to win that car.

You have got this far, how are you feeling right now?

I've been so confident throughout the whole course, and now...

I've got to literally just grab it by the horns and take that car with me.

Have you got any plan of how you're going to do it? Attack it like I would anything else, really. OK.

Just go in guns blazing. Keep that faith, you have been amazing.

I really think you can do it. I think I can do it as well.

Good luck, my darling, best of luck. Thanks very much.

I'm going to stand you in position. OK...

in your own time.

Cheers.

So, here we go. One contestant, one car, one giant leap.

Muhala, are you ready?

Nervous.

Well, this is it, my friend, I wish you the best of luck. Thank you.

In your own time, jump for the car.

One jump.

One chance.

One car.

KLAXON BLARES

ZOE AND ASHLEY LAUGH AND CHEER

Yeah!

He did it, he did it! He CAN touch this!

Let's see it repeated endlessly in super-slow motion.

Oh, I could cry!

Seriously, a bit of glitter just hit me in the eye. Guys...?

CHEERING

Woo-hoo! Ha-ha! Yes! Was there ever any doubt? No, there wasn't! No!

Oh... My heart is racing!

I'm not surprised!

You absolutely smashed it, and that's what you came here to do.

Yeah, I came to win that car, and it's coming home with me. Exactly.

From the beginning, you were like, "I want that car, I'm taking it home," and you are taking it home.

Not right now, we've got to get it down, obviously.

HE LAUGHS Well done, you've been absolutely brilliant, you've been a joy.

Incredible, well done, man. Thank you very much, guys. Chuffed?

Yeah, very chuffed. Yay!

That's it, we'll be back next time for another cracking

Can't Touch This contest.

Till then, stay in touch. Say goodbye, Sue!

Goodbye, guys!

BOTH: Bye!