Episode 4 Celebrity Eggheads

These people are amongst the greatest quiz players in Britain.

Together they make up the Eggheads, arguably the most formidable quiz team in the country.

Question is, can they be beaten?

Welcome to a special celebrity edition of Eggheads, the show where

a team of five quiz challengers pit their wits against possibly the greatest quiz team in Britain.

And you might recognise them as they've won some of the country's toughest quiz shows.

They are the Eggheads.

And taking on our quiz champions today are the Grumpy Old Women, famous for venting their

frustrations about everything and everyone on both a very popular TV programme and now an award winning

stage show, this team of fiery women might just be on the lookout for a suitable recruit from the Eggheads.

We'll let Judith and CJ fight out for it, eh? Let's meet them.

I'm Jenni Trent Hughes, I'm a life strategist and an agony aunt,

and I am here to prove to my son that I am not a dum-dum.

I'm Helen Lederer and I'm a writer, comedian, actress character.

Hello, I'm Indira Joshi, and I'm an actor.

Hello, I'm Dillie Keane,

I'm an actress and a cabaret singer and writer.

Hello, I'm Kim Woodburn. I'm a television presenter.

Well, welcome to you, Grumpy Old Women. None of you are grumpy at all, but there

are the odd frustrations in modern life about which you vent your spleens every now and again, Jenni.

I just think that we have standards.

We're all ladies of high standards which we feel the necessity to divulge to all and sundry.

Yeah, on just so many subjects.

-Well, collectively we're very experienced, aren't we ladies?

-We are.

-Yes.

-There's so much in life to grumble about.

Shall we play the game, then?

Let me tell you, every day there's £1,000 up for grabs for our challengers' chosen charity.

However, if they fail to defeat the Eggheads, the money rolls over to the next show.

So Grumpy Old Women, the Eggheads have won the last

three games, which means £4,000 says you can't beat the Eggheads.

And our first head-to-head battle, let's see what comes up.

Does this suit any of you? It's arts and books.

Any one of you can play, it's the opening round.

-You, I think.

-It has to be Dillie. Do you think?

-Dillie. Do you think?

-You're brainy enough.

Our vote is for Dillie.

OK, Dillie. Read a few books and written some.

Who would you like to play?

Any Egghead, any one of these.

-Go on, Dillie.

-Barry.

-Barry, lovely.

You've been doing quite well on arts and books over the months and years you've been with us.

Anyway, let's have you both into the question room then,

-just to make sure you can't confer, that's Dillie...

-I'm so nervous!

Dillie, tell me about the Grumpy Old Women Live.

I've never been to one of the shows. Is it, is it...

-Oh, you'd be too scared to go.

-I probably would be, actually!

Given that I suspect the male sex is the subject of some of the grumpiness, probably.

My partner came to it and he quivered with fright the whole way through.

It was the most wonderful show, it was a sort of orchestrated grumbling,

and a lot of people felt a lot better as a result of seeing it.

So how does it work? Obviously on the television

we sit and watch you grumble, in live theatre is there a lot of audience participation?

No, except that the audience tend to sort of cheer a lot, and agree a lot, and nod.

They nodded and folded their arms, and went, "oh," like that a lot.

So that was the kind of participation we hoped for.

They tutted as well, there was a lot of tutting,

and it was all huge fun, it was a wonderful show and really, really well written and a joy to do.

But not recommended for us chaps?

-Oh, heavily recommended.

-Oh, right, OK.

You'd be much nicer people if you only went to see Grumpy Old Women Live.

Right, I'll bear that in mind.

OK, now Dillie, we let the challenger choose whether they go

first or second, depending on how you want to play it.

What do you want to do?

I'll go second.

OK, that's you, Barry. Which creature features in the title of a 1941 work by Paul Gallico?

Well, Mother Goose is by Charles Perrault, who I think is 18th century, 17th century French author.

I'm not quite sure the antiquity of the Golden Goose, that might date

even earlier, but Paul Gallico certainly wrote the Snow Goose.

Paul Gallico did indeed write the Snow Goose, so that's one to you.

And Dillie, your first question then, the phrase 'growing pains'

features in the title of the second book about which fictional character?

Do you know, I wouldn't know Tracy Beaker if she fell into my porridge.

Tom Sawyer, I don't think it's Tom Sawyer, so I'm going to plump for Adrian Mole.

Adrian Mole: The Growing Pains, yes, Sue Townsend's character is the right answer, yes.

One to you, and back to Barry.

Barry, in Shakespeare's play The Comedy Of Errors,

what is the name of the father of the Antipholus twins?

Gosh, I know a lot of things about the Comedy of Errors, Shakespeare's shortest play,

but the fact of who the father is of the two twins has escaped me!

Solinus, Angelo or Egeon.

We'll go for Egeon.

It is the right answer!

You've remembered it from somewhere, I think, Barry.

Father of the Antipholus twins.

So second question for you, Dillie. This Charming Man

is a best-selling novel by which Irish writer?

Well, I don't know the book, but

the gentleman's name doesn't really sound terribly Irish to me,

so that leaves Marian Keyes and Aisling Foster.

I don't think it's Marian Keyes, I'm going to go for Aisling Foster.

OK, Aisling Foster for This Charming Man.

-It's Marian Keyes.

-Ooh, damn.

Ah, Marian Keyes. So an opening for Barry.

Barry, of which art movement which began in revolutionary Russia and spread to the West during the 1920s

and '30s were Alexander Rodchenko and Liubov Popova important pioneers?

Well, futurism was Italian, I think it had artists like Boccioni and Marinetti

and fauvism was French, with Vlaminck and Matisse,

so the only Russian movement there is constructivism, so that must be my answer.

Eliminated it very well, it is the right answer,

and no comeback I'm afraid for Dillie, got that middle one wrong, that second question wrong,

so it means you're through to the final round, Barry, and no place for you, Dillie, sorry.

Would you both please come back and join your teams?

OK, well, our first minor triumph for the Eggheads but we've got three more

head-to-heads before the final round, three more chances to knock Eggheads out.

This one coming up is geography.

Who fancies this, geography?

It can't be Dillie, any of you other four Grumpy Old Women?

Jenni, Jenni. Cos you're knowledgeable,

cos you've had wide experience in life, different rivers.

I've been on lots of holidays, so...

I'll try it.

OK, right, Jenni. Now which Egghead would you like to play?

It can't be Barry so any of the other four - Pat, Judith, Kevin or CJ.

I think I'll take Pat.

OK, let's have Jenni and Pat into the question room, please.

Jenni, now would you like to go first or second?

Yes, I'd like to go first.

Here you go, try this one out then, Jenni, and best of luck with it.

The tea producing region of Assam is in which country?

Well, I didn't see it on my China itinerary,

and Nepal, I don't...

I'm going to go for India.

India is the right answer, good start, Jenni.

One on the board.

Pat, how many time zones are there in Australia?

In the mainland, I think they've got three,

with the one in the middle being rather odd,

I think it goes seven, eight ½, nine, something rather strange.

But I think there are three time zones.

Three time zones, what, with a...

The middle one isn't an hour, it's not an even progression,

it jumps an hour and a half for some reason.

I see, interesting, and the right answer to boot, so one to you.

And back to Jenni,

the Barents Sea is part of which larger body of water?

I don't remember, in any of my time swimming in the Indian ocean,

seeing a sign saying "This way to the Barents Sea",

so I'll knock that one out.

Um, I'm going to go for...

Arctic Ocean.

-Give that a whirl.

-Give that a whirl,

and give it a tick too, it's the right answer.

The Arctic for the Barents Sea.

Two to you, going really well.

Pat, the volcano Mount St Helens

which erupted with disastrous consequences in 1980

is in which American state?

I think this was one of my options on my,

on a Millionaire question about volcanoes.

And Mount St Helens is in Washington State.

OK. How much was that question worth?

I think it was the 32,000 question,

"Which of these is the highest volcano in the world?"

And they had Mount St Helens as one of the options.

So, I mean, before it,

before it erupted was it the highest volcano in the world?

Oh, no, it was about 9,000 feet, and it blew the top 3,000 feet off.

I think it's about 6, 7,000 feet now.

Yeah, so it demoted itself, silly volcano.

Well, there we are, Washington State is correct,

the location of Mount St Helens, so it's two all.

And Jenni, yeah, well, you get this, and you might win the round.

Porto Vecchio is a port in the south of which Mediterranean island?

OK, I am, this is a complete guess,

and I'm going to say Corsica.

Good on you, Jenni, it's the right answer. Porto Vecchio in Corsica.

Well, if it stays that way

after I hear Pat's answer to this one you're through.

Pat, with an area of 1,068 square miles,

what is the world's largest island in a freshwater lake?

It's...

It's home to a, it itself has a lake within it,

which of course is the record for

the largest lake in the largest island in a lake.

It's in Lake Huron, I think, and it's Manitoulin Island.

It's the right answer as you well know, Pat.

Manitoulin Island, which I think the majority of us had never heard of,

but he is an Egghead, of course, and a Millionaire winner.

So that's all square, Jenni,

which means now, just to make it more fun for us, not for you,

we're going to withdraw the multiple choice element,

and it goes to sudden death.

Just got to hear an answer from you to sort out a winner,

same rules obviously for Pat.

And this is your question: Nunavut is a territory of which country?

N-U-N-A-V-U-T

OK, I'm going to make a wild guess,

and I'm going to say Russia.

OK, Russia. Nunavut...

is not in Russia.

-No. Do you know, Eggheads?

-Canada.

It's Canada. Canada.

-Ah!

-It's not too far away, well, I mean an awful long way away, though,

but not too far away from the last question Pat faced

on Manitoulin Island.

Canada there, so nothing for Jenni.

Well, it might continue after this if Pat gets it wrong,

but to win the round, Pat, which fountain in Rome

takes its name from the Italian for three roads?

I've been to Rome, I've been to several of the lovely fountains,

the famous one in the Piazza Navona,

the four rivers, and there's the spectacular Trevi Fountain,

which sounds very close to trivium,

which, I think, is the Latin for three roads.

So it's not much of a jump from trivium to Trevi,

so I think I'll have to go for the Trevi Fountain.

OK, the Trevi Fountain.

It is the right answer, Pat, you are through to the final round.

No place for you, sorry, Jenni.

Would you both please come back and join your teams.

Well, as it stands now, the Grumpy Old Women

have lost two brains from the final round,

the Eggheads are all still there.

We also established that, Pat,

you're not bad at geography, I think you could get a bit better.

I like geography, I always have done.

Let's play our next subject then, let's try and get

one of the Grumpy Old Women through to the final round.

One's guaranteed to be there but let's at least make it a pair.

And our next subject is food and drink. Who'd like to play this?

Can't be Jenni or Dillie, so that's Helen, Indira or Kim.

OK, we're going to throw Helen to the lions.

-Yeah.

-Thrown in there, Helen.

OK, who would you like to play, Judith, Kevin or CJ?

Kevin?

Kevin?

My team has advised me to suggest Kevin.

OK, let's have Kevin and Helen into the question room, please.

Helen, right, food and drink.

And, of course, you write a bit about wine, don't you?

Well, interestingly, a newspaper, for their sins,

invited me to be their wine columnist, and I said "Are you sure?"

and then it was just the best job I ever did,

because all this wine came through my door as well.

Not through the letterbox, but crates of the stuff,

and I had to actually buy a new thing to put the wine in,

just so much wine, and now I know a little bit about it.

Having said that, I'll probably forget everything.

Well, let's see if any wine questions come up here.

Would you like to go first or second?

Oh, first, what the hell, let's just get in there and do it.

Well, having just had that discussion,

here's your first question.

What term is used to refer to the charge made by a restaurant

for serving wine that has been brought in by a customer?

Right, well it ain't vintage

cos that's to do with clothes that I rather like, ha-ha,

seepage is something rather unattractive,

and we're going to go for corkage.

It's the right answer, yeah, well done, Helen, corkage.

And Kevin, what English name is traditionally given to a pizza

that has different toppings on each quarter?

Ooh, quarters, let's think.

I'll say Four Seasons.

Yes, OK, four seasons is the right answer, Kevin,

so you've got one, and back to you, Helen.

In Vietnamese cuisine, what type of dish is pho? P-H-O.

Sounds quite scientific, doesn't it?

No, that's H2O, ha-ha.

So I'm going to say it's not porridge

and I'm going to say it's not sponge cake, although it probably is,

and then I'm just going to go for noodle soup

because the word noodle conjures up that kind of continental food.

Yeah, Vietnamese pho is noodle soup, it's the right answer.

Yes, it's not sponge cake or porridge,

interesting selections there, weren't there?

So, Kevin, which word for someone

with refined tastes in food and drink

comes from the name of an ancient Greek philosopher?

It's epicure, from Epicurus.

-It is, Kevin.

-Who got a bit of a bad press..

Oh, right, why?

I mean, epicure there tends to conjure up ideas of people

who just go for the very best of everything, real luxury items,

whereas Epicurus, his philosophy was moderation in all things.

But it, somehow over the centuries it got distorted.

You think of luxury, that's not what he meant at all.

OK, thank you for that, Kevin.

See, adding to the sum of human knowledge at all points.

Helen, third question, going really well.

Of the 19th century French chef Antonin Careme's

four basic mother sauces, which one was made with white stock?

Right, well some people might go veloute,

some people might go espagnole,

which is a bit like spag bol, I'm going for the bechamel,

cos it's what the sauce is.

The white stock one is veloute.

Oh, I knew that really.

-I was just being a bit cocky.

-Oh, dear.

And, you know, as I say Kevin,

it's one of the subjects he can be caught on,

let's see, if he doesn't get this we go to sudden death.

A cappuccino in Italy served senza schiuma doesn't have what?

That's, well...

well, it's not sugar.

I mean, as between the other two,

I've got no idea what the Italian for cocoa powder might be,

but schiuma sounds frothy to me,

so... I don't know it, but I'll go for froth.

OK, well a cappuccino in Italy served senza schiuma

doesn't have froth, it is the right answer, Kevin, you're through.

Ah, it means you won't be playing in the final round, Helen.

Would you both please come back and join your teams.

As it stands, the Grumpy Old Women have lost three brains

from the final round, the Eggheads haven't lost any.

Last chance coming up now to knock an Egghead out,

and this one is politics.

Well, it's Kim or Indira to play.

-Are you good at politics?

-Go on, go on.

I'll do it, yes, I'll do it, yes.

All right, Kim, now who would you like to play from the Eggheads?

The remaining players are CJ or Judith.

Judith, please.

OK, let's have Kim and Judith into the question room, right now.

So, Kim, I wanted to ask you, which of the Eggheads

do you think most deserve a visit

from the How Clean Is Your House team?

I think Pat.

DERMOT LAUGHS

She heard about my clutter problem.

Just got a feeling, there's something about that man looks very dirty to me.

Well, he's very well turned out, very well scrubbed up!

Ooh, there's other things going on though.

And tell me Kim, what do you so enjoy about Grumpy Old Women,

is it a chance to get everything out there?

Well, there are so many aggravating things that happen, aren't there? Even when you go shopping.

I mean, imagine the queue in a supermarket

and they're all there getting out 15 purses,

that really annoys me, you know.

People shouldn't be so aggravating,

then we'd have nothing to talk about, would we?

Judith, what upsets you about modern life,

what annoys you, what irks you?

-The Post Office.

-Ah, why?

One till open and the queue stretching into the street.

It drives you insane.

And then they're all, there are, sort of, three people

behind the cashier tills stamping away,

doing little bits with money,

going off into the office, having a cup of tea,

and they're completely oblivious to the queue going into the street,

and I want to kill the Post Office.

Get the letter off. Let's play the round then, shall we?

Now, politics, Kim, do you want to go first or second?

I'll go first, get the agony over.

Here we are then, and your question is this.

Which actress has been a prominent supporter of the Gurkhas

in their fight to win settlement rights from the British Government?

Well, that is Joanna Lumley.

It certainly is, yes, Joanna Lumley.

And your question, Judith,

Shami Chakrabarti became the director

of which UK human rights organisation in 2003?

She's amazingly articulate, a sort of unstoppable flow, almost.

She's Liberty.

She is, Liberty is the grouping she heads, Shami Chakrabarti,

so one each there, and back to you, Kim.

In 2007 Baroness Scotland became the first female

and the first ethnic minority person to hold which post?

Well, she certainly wasn't, wasn't the Speaker, the Speaker. Um.

I'm going to go for Secretary of Defence.

OK, Secretary of State for Defence.

Baroness Scotland, in 2007, became...

Attorney General.

Oh, knickers.

All right, Judith, second question.

Long way to go, Kim, let's see how Judith does with her second one.

In May 2009, the then Home Secretary Jacqui Smith

announced that the people of which city would be the first in the UK

able to sign up for an ID card?

Well, I don't think it was London.

Would she be able, would she have the authority to ask them

in Edinburgh to do it? I don't know.

Scotland's so devolved nowadays I'm not sure she'd have the authority.

I think Manchester.

-Manchester?

-Yes.

It is the right answer, yes, well done, Judith. So you have two.

Right, Kim.

Karim Massimov was elected Prime Minister

of which country in January 2007?

I'm going to go for...

Kazakhstan.

-Kazakhstan is the right answer.

-Yes!

-Well worked out, Kim.

Kept you in the game. OK, got to hope Judith doesn't get this though.

And, Judith, which white South African legislator,

elected to parliament in 1953,

was the sole anti-apartheid member of parliament from 1961 to 1974?

Well, I know Helen Suzman was very famously anti-apartheid,

but I thought she went on much longer than that.

I think I'm going to say Helen Suzman, nonetheless.

That's bad news for Kim, because it is the right answer,

yes, Helen Suzman.

So again it's that second question,

I think, for nearly all of you there that let you down.

It means, Kim, no place in the final round. Judith, you're there.

Would you both please come back and join your teams.

So, this is what we've been playing towards,

it's time for the final round,

which, as always, is general knowledge.

But I'm afraid those of you who lost your head to heads

won't be allowed to take part in this round,

so Jenni, Helen, Dillie and Kim from the Grumpy Old Women,

would you leave the studio, please.

So, Indira, you're playing to win the Grumpy Old Women

£4,000 for your chosen charity.

Barry, Pat, Kevin, Judith and CJ, you're playing for something

which money can't buy, the Eggheads' reputation.

As usual, I'll ask each team three questions in turn,

this time the questions are all general knowledge,

and you are allowed to confer.

Well, Indira, the question is, is your one brain better than the Eggheads' five?

Indira, what do you want to do, do you want to go first or second?

First, I think.

Here's your first question.

In which country did the 1937 Hindenburg airship disaster occur?

Well, this is very difficult...

USA?

-Is that your answer?

-Yeah.

-USA.

It's the correct answer, yes, well done. There you are!

There, I mean there's that famous newsreel, isn't there,

this huge thing coming out of the sky on fire.

Where did it actually happen?

-New Jersey.

-Ah, you see.

-New Jersey, was it?

-Lakehurst, New Jersey.

Ah, there we are, the Hindenburg, identified by Indira,

the disaster occurred in the USA.

So one to you, you're in the lead. And Eggheads,

which popular carbohydrate restricting diet

takes its name from an area of Miami Beach?

I've heard it, that South Beach was in, I've never heard of a diet.

I've heard of a South Beach diet.

-I'm sure.

-I haven't heard of a West Beach...

-I had the book, I tried it.

-Oh, OK.

-We think that's South Beach, the diet.

It is the right answer, yes, the South Beach diet.

OK, well, back to you, Indira,

good start, let's see if you can build on it.

What name is given to the Jewish plaited loaf

traditionally eaten on the Sabbath?

Mm, I think it's either matzo or...

-Hallah?

-Challah.

-Challah, challah.

Um, matzo, I'll go for.

OK, matzo, the plaited loaf traditionally eaten on the Sabbath,

and we will ask Barry...

Afraid not.

Matzo is the unleavened bread that is eaten on Passover or Pesach,

but the bread that is eaten on the Sabbath,

and there's two of them, challah.

Challah. Oh, dear, well not matzo, it is challah.

So a chance for the Eggheads to take the lead.

Eggheads, which philosopher wrote the 1943 work Being and Nothingness?

Which philosopher wrote the 1943 work Being and Nothingness?

Sartre?

-Sartre?

-Jean-Paul Sartre.

Jean-Paul Sartre,

Being and Nothingness, it is the right answer, Eggheads,

so you have two. Right, Indira, got to get this.

In 1960 a Latin translation of which children's book

became the first foreign language book

to feature on the New York Times bestseller list?

In 1960 a Latin translation of which children's book became the first

foreign language book to feature on the New York Times bestseller list?

It's very difficult.

I want to go for Winnie-the-Pooh.

Or was it Rupert?

Rupert At The Seaside.

OK, Rupert At The Seaside, a Latin translation of any of those

sounds pretty strange to hit the top

of the New York Times bestseller list.

Latin translation, do you know Eggheads?

-Winnie-the-Pooh?

-It is Winnie- the-Pooh.

-Winnie-the-Pooh, oh.

Indira, you wanted to go for that.

This is the difficulty of being on your own there,

no-one to discuss it with. It means, Eggheads, you've won.

All of you against just me!

It's always going to be very tough on your own there, Indira,

after those head to heads, and they just swung on the odd question,

usually the second one, and all your other Grumpy Old Women there,

just to have someone to chat with makes a bit of a difference.

But we've really appreciated having you here today,

it's been a pleasure listening to the tales of the Grumpy Old Women,

I think we might have a recruit from the Eggheads

for you for any other shows you do.

But thank you very much for having a go at the Eggheads today.

But it means the Eggheads have done what comes naturally to them,

and still reign supreme over quiz land.

I'm afraid you won't be going home with the £4,000,

which means, of course, the money rolls over to our next show.

Eggheads, congratulations, who will beat you?

Join us next time to see if a team of Olympians

have the brains to defeat the Eggheads.

£5,000 says they don't. Until then, goodbye.

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